Martin Pond's Blog

Same, David Quantick, same...

Having said that, David's novel All My Colors is excellent.

I sat down in front of the fire one evening last week, cracked the spine of a new notebook, turned to the first page, picked up a lovely pen and prepared to write.

An hour later, I closed the book and put it away, that first page still completely empty.

You see, it's alright being able to write a bit, a blessing even. But it's also a curse when you just don't have any ideas.

I know, I know, I've read all those books about writing too. I know the idea that all you need is a character, put them in a situation and start writing to see what happens next. But it's an approach I have always struggled with. Besides, every situation I thought of that evening, by the fire, was unoriginal. Just like a struggling author bereft of ideas is unoriginal.

What next? Honestly, I don't know. Maybe I should get a job as the caretaker of an isolated hotel.

...one mojo. If found, please return to the author.

In other words, I haven't written any fiction since February 2020. Twenty months and counting. On that basis, can I even claim to be a (wannabe) writer still? After all, writers write, right? What is wrong with me?

Whilst researching the always-excellent author Sadie Jones, for a book review on another site, I stumbled upon this video of her giving a two minute, quick-fire interview:

I love Sadie, she's a brilliant author and seems a lovely person too.

Anyway, as an aspiring writer with one or two (okay, maybe four) readers, I thought I'd try a similar Q&A. Except no-one wants to see my fuzzy jacket potato face or hear my generic Southerner voice, so I'm not going to make a video. You'll have to make do with text. Same questions though; here goes:

Before this? Working from home, so probably glass-eyed in a Teams meeting.Current read? The Psychology of Time Travel.First reader? My creative writing workshop group.Character you wish you created? Rob in High Fidelity.Classic you have not read? Great Expectations.How many books do you own? Too many to count (or even shelve).Favourite bookshop? The now-defunct Albion Bookshop in Canterbury.Excuse for being late? No excuse, just an apology (maybe).Favourite colour? Blue.What do you listen to when you write? Anything that I love. No radio.Greatest living writer? Cormac McCarthy?Skill you wish you had? Virtuoso pianist.Book that made you cry? None, but a few have put a lump in my throat.Book that made you laugh? The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole aged 13¾.Where do you like to read? Anywhere I'm not time-pressured.Book everyone should read? Watership Down.TV obssesion? Line of Duty.Favourite place? Home.If you didn't write? I'd be less frustrated.Favourite drink? Tea.

The thing is, after you've talked through an exercise in imitating Michael Rosen's poem Chocolate Cake with a Year 6 pupil, the urge to have a go yourself is (like the chocolate cake) irresistible. I'm no poet (so be gentle) but here goes...

Cold Chicken Sandwiches (after Rosen)

I love cold chicken sandwiches
And when I was a kid
I loved them even more

Sometimes we used to mix other things in too
and Mum used to say,
"I can't believe you're going to
put golden syrup on a perfectly good chicken sandwich!"
And then she'd shake her
head, as I did it anyway,
prising the lid off the tin with the
end of a spoon, then twirling the
syrup out and drizzling it all over.
You know how syrup can be
hard to spread, because it sticks to the knife
and there's always that last bit
that you have to lick off - carefully, of course - and then you
can lick your lips
Oh, it's just about perfect
Yeah

We also talked about internalising poetry, and how this is a performance piece. Don't worry though, I'm not going to inflict my performance of Chocolate Cake (or Cold Chicken Sandwiches) on you...

Sometimes all it takes is a little time and space to get things going again, to kick off an idea or, in the case of this weekend's writing residential, to dismantle a block. I am writing today, and it is good.

See what I did there?

Today is, supposedly, Blue Monday - the most depressing day of the year, although even Wikipedia notes that the rationale behind this is "pseudoscience". But in case you are feeling blue, what better way to cheer yourself up with free and discounted books and short stories, available from today and for five days, over at amzn.to/martinpond

Hurry now, five days only...

A blatant plug reminder that books make nice Christmas presents. Handily, I've had my hand in a main-present-sized book and a stocking-filler, look:

Main present:
Stocking filler:

Cheers, and happy Christmas in advance.

...Wikipedia tells us, is a short work of fiction of precisely 100 words in length. I've never written one, never attempted one even. Until now. Here it is, raw and unedited.

"Do you remember our first date?" she says.
"Of course," he says. "You were late."
"You were late. Remember that waiter?"
"At the Thai place."
"At the pizza place."
"And when you spilt the wine…"
"You knocked my glass over!"
"It’s funny what we remember, isn’t it?"
"I suppose. It’s nothing to laugh about though."
"Isn’t it?"
She doesn’t answer.
"Do you think… do you think I should write that down? About the wine, I mean."
"You have done already. You could do again, if you like."
She passes him the notebook.
"Do you remember our first date?" he says.

I'll try to get on with some longer writing now. You know, like that novella I just don't seem to ever finish...

It's coming up for a year since The Petrified World and other tales was published. I was tremendously proud to edit it, and prouder still to feature some excellent writers that I very much admire. What's more, since all profits went to charity, it has been able to raise some funds for a very deserving cause, Population Matters.

I guess my message here is two-fold - if you bought the book, would you consider heading back to Amazon and leaving a review for it? Reviews really help in our algorithm-led world of online shopping, and so far The Petrified World... has one five-star review and nothing else. So you can help the cause again, with a nice review, and it won't even cost you anything this time...

And of course, if you haven't bought the book already, what are you waiting for? Or maybe, in the run up to Christmas, you need some affordable gifts for the readers in your life...? So here's the all-important link:

bit.ly/petrifiedworld