Dave Matthes's Blog - Posts Tagged "romance"

Well shit. The final test print would arrive in the mail TODAY of all days. Anyway...that's one less thing off my chest...The Passive Aggressors is now officially for sale at this link. Enjoy.


http://www.lulu.com/shop/david-matthe...

Interested in buying one of my books? Click this link and give me all your money...NOW.

The Dave Matthes Book Store

Too often do we forget life's little pleasantries. Wine of course not being anything little, but perhaps overlooked. And being that I am in fact accompanied by a glass of wine, staring at one screen being this one, and the other being the open laptop in which most if not all of my literary conception takes place...I might as well write a few words about my deep and unscrupulous, and perhaps biblical love affair I've been having with....wine...

[image error]

I've just caught myself in a bit of a snafu...having started a conversation with a woman with a line exactly as follows after her wondering why we haven't talked in an indiscernible length of time: "I'd say let's be butt buddies, but I'm a virgin and afraid to lose it to a woman."

Of course I'm not a virgin, at least to some things valued as centerfolds in outlandish cultures half-across the world, like needle-dicking your neighbor's mother with a sheep-sheer, however, I find that, metaphorically perhaps, if the wine were any thicker, I'd have more shart-related bragging rights than a camel with down-syndrome. Wine truly is the juice of the Gods, and I implore everyone to acquire a hobby in which wine is a prerequisite.

And while the aforementioned is one of the few negative obscurities invoked by the juice of the Gods, it is not nearly enough to cancel out the infinitely positive POSITIVE aspects. .....



Not only does wine awaken the urge to purge a vaginal interchange with one's own testosterone-cursed trajectory, but it also gives birth to a new meaning to the word: "inspiration". All out war in the bedroom may be shortsighted and splintered if not for the promise of queef-blasted defiance, and in the respect of Judas...betray ALL expectations. Pour a glass. Forget the blank page. Summon the opposite sex. And make her one hell of a steak dinner w/ a pasta side dish. Then look them deep in their eyes, and don't say a word....(unless they're the insecure type and have no idea why the hearth is ablaze with romance-soaked flames of euphoria, in which case, get the fuck out of there before you find yourself stuck with a Stage-Potato Stalker)....don't say a word until your lips come staggeringly desperate for proximital enclosure...and THEN....pour another glass. You need to make the night last...not buckle and crumble with one single fucking kiss.

Wine can do many things whiskey cannot...for instance...THE ABOVE. At least for me. Whiskey is good for writing. Wine is good for thinking about writing and then turning to fucking the first name in your contacts list in your cell. It's clockwork. Genius clockwork.

They say life isn't fair...I say it IS fair. It's always fair. You get what you deserve...and if you fail to employ genuine romance...you GET WHAT YOU DESERVE.

Wine and dine someone today. Tonight. Tomorrow. Tomorrow night. Now. Just do it with honesty. Wine never lies, and neither should you.

Please check out my Facebook Author Page for more on my literary endeavors and conspiracies!

https://www.facebook.com/Theslutalway...

Also, if interested in one of my books, shoot on over to here and type in "AMPLIUS" as a coupon code to get 25% off all orders until January 2nd...

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Thenaca...

Finally, my 3rd book, In This House We Lived and We Died , will be released for sale on April 3rd, 2013!

Synopsis:
In This House, We Lived, and We Died, is a story about a man, aged and lost, in mind, body, and spirit, whose last quest takes him into the deepest abysses, across the sharpest precipices, and through the darkest abscesses of his soul so that he may collect the shattered and sunken remains of his all-but vanquished memory.

A sort of Spiritual Epic in the same way "What Dreams May Come" inspires to alter life dispositions, and in the same way "Fight Club" aspires to inspire with violent psychological psithurism, "In This House, We Lived, and We Died" aims to break all the rules of the literary journey and set a new tone for the world of imagination



Order online at http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Thenaca... on April 3rd!

Every Saturday evening... join me, Dave Matthes, on YouTube as I read to you my gloriously clit-flicking, sweet obscenity-flinging literature from the comfort of a freshly drawn hot bubble bath whilst drinking good whiskey.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list...