Matthew Johnstone's Blog

 

Years ago I saw adolescent psychologist Dr Michael Carr Gregg talk at a conference. He was suggesting that every teenager getting an internet, enabled phone should have to get a license to use it. Made perfect sense to me because in many ways handing over a phone which comes with the exposure to anything we can possibly think of, is like saying ‘You want drive? Here’s a car, good luck!’

Obviously talking to our kids about phone safety and protocol never goes a miss and there’s some great apps to safe guard out kids but we can’t be there all the time.

I am currently reading Teen Brains by David Gillespie which is not only about teen brains but how endless phone / social media usage opens up pathways to addiction, just like smoking, alcohol, drugs, gambling or watching porn. It’s pretty sobering and he says we’ve handed over these devices without much thought.

I look at my own two daughters, we play this never ending game called ‘Get off your phone!’ It’s often the first thing they reach for in the morning and most of the time they don’t know why. It’s just that repetitive hit of dopamine and other reward based chemicals.

We adults are often not much better, I heard a woman on the radio recounting a story of her 7 year old daughter saying to her ‘I wish I was your iPhone.’

Steve Jobs and Bill Gates are rumored to have been very restrictive of tech for their kids at home – maybe they were on to something?

Anyway below is a contract I created for our daughters when they received their phones. They had to read it out loud then sign it. As they’ve gotten older we have loosened some rules. You can copy, paste and tweak to make your own.

If you have a young person about to enter the hallowed ground of ‘Zombie Scrolling’ (staring at phone for no apparent reason) it may come in handy.  They (or you) may think it’s a tad OTT but watch how quickly you lose your kid to screen without any control. That control is incredibly hard to regain once they’ve been given it.

Also look into apps such as OurPact they offer some control and levels of safety. 

Finally I also saw Steven Biddulph speak about raising daughters in these perilous ‘selfie’ times. At the end of the lecture he said ‘You’ve all come here seeking advice and the best advice I can give you is grow a bloody backbone.”

 

 

Rules for getting a Smart Device

 

(Name here) having a phone is a massive responsibility, it is not a toy it is a very expensive communication device. Please understand and respect these rules.

If you’re unsure of anything just ask. We want you to enjoy owning a phone but understand this is a serious privilege that can be revoked anytime.

 

Strictly no phones in bedroom – charger to remain in living room
M & D can check your phone anytime
Limited usage each day – ie turned off while doing home work, at the dinner table and after 7pm – the phone is handed directly to us
NEVER down load an app before asking M & D
M&D know your password for phone – or no phone
If you lose the phone you pay and replace it
If and when you join Instagram – it’s private only – M&D know your password
No posting selfies especially in bikini’s etc
If you’re not sure ask before you post or share a picture
NEVER post your mobile number
If you bully or hurt anyone via your phone – you lose it
Never type or say anything to anyone that you wouldn’t say in person
DON’T respond or pick up to numbers you don’t recognize
ONLY use speaker or headphones to talk
Remember NOTHING replaces having a face to face conversation
If you lose or break the phone you will get a very simple basic phone until such time that you can afford a new iPhone
Phones are expensive to run if you use up all your data before the allotted time you pay for it – or have a phone that doesn’t work
We also expect you to keep STEPPING UP on your responsibilities
This is a phone for you to use but it is our phone which we a loaning you disobey these rules and we’ll simply take it back. We will discuss and then maybe you can start over again.

 

This may all sound a bit tough but it’s really important you understand what a big step this is, us letting you have a phone. Most of the lessons listed here do not just apply to the phone, but to life. You are growing up in a fast and ever changing world. It is an exciting and enticing time. Keep it simple every chance you get.

Trust your powerful mind and beautiful heart above any device.

Lots of love M & D xxx

 

Signed:

 

Signed:

 

Signed:

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When I worked as a creative in advertising there was a great importance on winning awards (probably still is). It proved that not only were you creative but you were good at convincing people to buy stuff they didn’t know they needed or wanted. The chances of your career ascending, was generally dependent on winning a few of these prized doorstops.

 

Tonight I’m going to an award night of a different kind; it’s the 2018 Australian Mental Health Award and I’m one of 6 finalists. I’m not fazed whether I win it or not; it’s simply a great honour to be nominated. I’m up against 5 amazing people who are either mental health practitioners, scientists, researchers or people within the community doing incredible work helping others in improving, understanding and educating all things mental health.

 

My mental health journey started when I lost mine. It would be fair to say I’ve had some pretty ‘out there’ experiences in life but none were quite as frightening, debilitating and utterly perplexing as depression. There is a great line from a movie called ‘Withnail and I’ where the main character says ‘Oh my god! I feel like a pig shat in my head!’ Which I think sums it up quite nicely.

 

It’s not something I’m in a hurry to repeat and it’s not something I would bestow upon my worst enemy. But – if I had a special ‘History Eraser’ button I wouldn’t touch it because I wouldn’t be sitting typing this. I wouldn’t be writing and illustration books or giving talks. Nor going to an award ceremony tonight with my family at my side.

 

It was without a doubt my greatest teacher. I learnt that I had that sadly I had to just about lose everything in order to understand what was really important, who was really important and how to live life fully. It taught me that we become as sick as our secrets. What we suppress typically finds an unwelcome way of expressing itself. Therefore it’s important to learn how to communicate authentically. How to reach out for help and receive it, should we need it. How to own our adverse situation (what ever that might be) but then to move consciously and patiently towards it’s ‘positive’ opposite.

It taught me that although we may feel alone, we are not. Mental health issues are not unlike physical health issues; they are common and in most cases; highly treatable.

I’m not suggesting for one minute that we need to have a ‘hell experience’ to value life but I strongly believe that prevention is the greatest cures. That is, don’t wait for the wheels to fall off the trolley (whilst hurtling down a hill with you in it) before trying to do something about it.

We humans are constantly hunting happiness, which in truth is fleeting. Where as a life of ‘living well’ is sustainable and can last a lifetime. I’m sorry to report there isn’t a quick fix or magic pill, but there are many simple, powerful, subtle things we can do to make a massive difference in our lives, they are:

 

Eat well.

Make good sleep a priority.

Learn to communicate authentically.

Exercise regularly.

Know your limits.

Take time out.

Learn to quiet the mind.

Make time for being in nature.

Give of yourself and your time in helping others.

Be around those who make you feel good.

Have an occasional gut laugh.

Rinse and repeat – often.

 

 

The post AWARD Night appeared first on Matthew Johnstone.

 

We recently came back from a 3 ½ week road trip in New Zealand. We drove from Christchurch to Auckland and did about 3500 km’s of exploring. Apart from the aching beauty that make NZ such an amazing place to visit; one of the true highlights for us was our daughters had next to no use of their i-devices. We said you can use them but it will cost you $5 a day in roaming fees which they had to pay for. So they opted not to and suddenly … there were our children!

Effective pretty much immediately; they engaged in greater, more introspective and interesting conversations. They read books. Spent hours drawing. Hand washed dishes and helped out without complaint. They climbed trees. Played chess and other board games. Explored. They basically did more of the activities anyone in an older generation took for granted as a kid; than I’ve seen them do in quite a while.

 I asked them about halfway through our trip if they’d noticed a difference? They agreed that they had.

 I asked them if they missed Instagram, Youtube etc? Yes they did but not as much as they thought.

 And did they feel they’d missed out on much? No they hadn’t.

 Staring at screens for hours on end has become the norm for teens. I keep hearing ‘it’s how they communicate in their world’ but I also keep hearing how it’s having a detrimental affect on their overall health. As clever as it all is, it seems to zap a lot of creativity, ideas, spontaneity, motivation and conversation.

 Don’t get me wrong I am not anti-technology or social media but when it comes to children, teens and their mental wellbeing it seems timely that Apple has been asked by shareholders to make their devices less additive to young people.

Apparently Bill Gates and Steve Jobs strictly limited the usage of devices by their kids in the home. Maybe they were ahead of their time in realizing just what sort of digital ‘crack’ they were creating.

 https://www.bizjournals.com/sanjose/news/2018/01/08/apple-iphone-addiction-study-shareholder-letter.html

Image by yours truly, courtesy of the Black Dog Institute’s HeadStrong initiative. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Only discovered yesterday that my website has been down for a few weeks. I guess it shows how good a holiday I had because I prided myself on spending as little time as possible not looking at screens or dealing with technology; hopefully not to the detriment of my business and people wishing to order books or discuss talks.

Hope my website feels as refreshed and ready for 2018 as I do, also hope this finds you well where ever you might be. 

Next week my 12 year old daughter is getting her 1st mobile device. On one hand she is developing her independence, she now likes to go off to the beach or mall with friends so it will be peace of mind knowing we can contact her or vice versa. I’ve also found texting with my 14 year old just a nice way to connect, to wish her a good day or to say ‘I’m proud of you’ or ‘You didn’t make your bed (frown face emoji)’. On the downside the ongoing battle in our house (and I know we’re not alone) is too much time on devices. We now have 3 laptops, 1 desktop, 2 iPads and 4 iPhones – so there’s some gadget lying around somewhere most of the time.

The weekends are the worst with ‘I just want to chill’ being the cattle call for staring at a screen. Devices are like shiny objects to magpies, they’re pretty, engaging, fun and hours can be whittled away under the blue hue of a screen. On average a teen will spend up to 6 1/2 hours on their phone which isn’t for making happy head spaces, check out this report from CNN: http://cnn.it/1P8x5oP

Anyway not one to typically tout products, but there’s an app that I’ve been using for over a year now which I think brings a little sanity and a measure of control over this problem. It’s called OurPact http://ourpact.com and it works an absolute treat. It also gives teens certain boundaries and privileges when it comes to their social media and device usage. It doesn’t stop phone calls but turns off all social media when you want them to a) do their homework b) chores c) go to bed d) or enforce some time out. You can also use it like a form of allowance. You can control what apps they get and delete the ones that are inappropriate. Anyway it’s a small measure in an ongoing battle of something that is here to stay. 

Image: Courtesy of the Black Dog Institute’s MyCompass program

 

 

 

Happy belated ‘Mental Health Day’ for yesterday!

I realise it’s been a while between posts but is ‘quality not quantity’ an excuse …?

Now I may have typed about this before but I think it’s a story worth repeating.

Years ago I attended a conference in Byron Bay one of the speakers there was a man by the name of Professor Rob Donovan from the University of Western Australia who is foremost a clinical psychologist and researcher.

Not surprisingly he was talking about Mental Health.

He said the words ‘Mental Health’ were designed to soften the seriousness of its subject matter.

To probe a little more deeply around this he decided to do some research.

He asked volunteer research groups what the words ‘Mental Health’ meant to them. What came back were statements and labels such as: ‘Mood disorders, mental illness, depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, social isolation, stigma” ….to name a few.

He then decided to tweak the words of ‘Mental Health’ to become ‘Mentally Healthy’.

He then popped that into the research mill and asked what people thought that could mean. What came back were words like ‘community, communication, mindfulness, meditation, exercise, openness, support …’ and so on.

What a difference!

Even though society has come a long way in the conversation around mental health it still has a fair way to go but I love this term ‘Mentally Healthy’.

Being ‘Mentally Healthy’ is what we should constantly strive towards and promote as individuals, workplaces and communities.

For a start it’s positive, it’s not a label, its not shrouded in fear and misunderstanding.

I truly believe if we want to be mentally healthy there are simple things we can do on a daily basis to help make our grey matter ‘shine’.

Unfortunately there’s no magic pill, no short cut, no silver bullet. It’s predominantly a potpourri of varied disciplines, simple activities and routines that create a better, happier and healthier self. It’s also known as ‘Wellbeing’

The two life management activities that are most important in day to day, is exercise and meditation, closely followed by good sleep, good communication and eating well.

If you’d like to know more about Rob Donovan and the great work he’s done in WA check out http://www.actbelongcommit.org.au

Anyway happy Mentally Healthy Day, hope this finds you well where ever you maybe.

PS I drew this drawing of projecting the life we’d like to live, for the Black Dog Institute and their LifeSpan Project. 

I was horrified to see my last post was towards the end of 2015 when I went to Iceland. What horrified me more was how time has flown. Although it’s April tomorrow, my delayed new years resolution is to write more, when important stuff happens.

Last week I had the pleasure and honour of speaking to YPO Gold.

This group is basically the senior titans of global business. It was set up back in the 1950’s by a New Yorker CEO, because as they say ‘it’s lonely at the top’. It is a fundamentally a high tier networking group but more importantly an excellent support group. As one member said, ‘It’s a place where everyone can just be themselves.’

When you think about it CEO’s and leaders of big business don’t have a lot of people they can lean on and share their ‘day to day’ issues with. They have to appear strong, steer the ship, make a profit and keep staff and shareholders happy – no pressure! At the end of the day, they are just like rest of us  – only human.

I gave a keynote at the Black Dog Institute about mental health and resilience along side Professor Helen Christensen.

Prof Christensen spoke about the important research, which is currently being done around mental health and the use of technology in improving mental health outcomes

She also said that around 8 people take their lives every day in Australia and for every one of those who succeed, about 30 make an attempt. This is a devastatingly, tragic fact that leaves a terrible legacy for so many and yet it is so avoidable.

Suicide is the permanent solution to a temporary problem.

If we want to encourage people to seek help and to be ok about doing so within corporate Australia, it has to happen top down.

At the end of the day a company is only as healthy as it’s people and when corporates invest in the wellbeing of their staff it pays dividends. Apparently for every dollar invested in corporate mental health and wellbeing there is between a $3-$6 return. This shows itself in less absenteeism, higher productivity, greater profits, improved staff retention, better mental and physical health and a generally a happier work force.

Ultimately employee’s know they are being thought of and looked after.

It would be ‘fake news’ if I said I wasn’t nervous due to the audience but they were the most remarkable bunch of people who were so engaged, passionate, supportive and interested by what was said.

Thank you Black Dog Institute for the inspiring, important work you do and thank you YPO Gold for the incredible difference you can make.

 

 

It’s been a long time since I’ve written a post.

 

I have a million and one excuses and then again none at all. I seem to get consumed by what ever is in front of me and the garden of life can becomes a little over run.

 

This morning I am sitting in a café called Gail’s (my mothers name) on a rainy, cold morning in Clapham South, London. This is the last day of my Icelandic (I Had a Black Dog) UK (Resilience) book tour.

 

The tour has been a success but I am so looking forward to being in my own bed and more importantly seeing my long lost family.

 

I arrived in Reykjavik well over 2 weeks ago to launch I Had a Black Dog.

 

I can’t believe how this skinny little book keeps trotting itself out around the world. In August it will be it’s 10 year anniversary.

 

The Icelandic people were incredibly welcoming, warm, very self-effacing and don’t like being told what to do, so I felt quite at home.

 

Iceland has the unfortunate title of being the most prescribed country (per capita) in the OECD (Western World) for antidepressant medication. Australia is surprisingly is number 2.

 

For Iceland; I discovered several reasons for this.

 

I rented a car for a few days and went and got lost in it all. I can honestly say it is one of the most incredibly beautiful countries I have ever seen. Some of it reminded me of New Zealand, some of Wyoming and some of Mars.

 

The thought that continually ran through my ‘IN-AWE’ mind was ‘This is absolutely stunning – but how could anyone live here?’

 

Firstly there’s the remoteness of it all. There’s only just over 320,000 people who live in Iceland, some in unfathomable isolation.

 

Then there’s the weather, which is extremely extreme to say the least; a long hard winter with slivers of light that constitute for a day. Followed by a summer of endless light.

 

And then there’s the cost of living. Iceland was the 1st country to collapse after the GFC and everyone is still paying for it. Everything is exorbitantly expensive. If it’s expensive for tourists it must be tough for the locals.

 

Finally there is the inherent Viking toughness, don’t need help, don’t want help – but not always coping – this is often dealt with alcohol.

 

I gave 2 different talks on different days in Reykjavik and to my surprise they were packed out.

 

The one thing I learned from speaking to the locals was Icelandic people are quite closed to one another; this is because everyone vaguely knows or has a connection to someone.

 

I speak from the heart and I’m not afraid of wearing my heart on my sleeve. So it must have been a little unique for them seeing someone speak so openly about their personal journey and life experiences.

 

In Iceland there is a huge desire for change, for the understanding of wellbeing and good mental health. There is a movement to curb the antidepressant script writing and to deal with people’s issues more head on and holistically, rather than a knee jerk ‘here take this and get back to me.’ It would be good if Australia followed a similar trend.

 

I felt so incredibly privileged to be invited there; it truly was a true ‘life experience.’

 

I also met 3 women who were named Bjork, all of whom knew Bjork. It truly is a small world.

 

PS More about the UK tour in the next post.

 

 

After 23 talks in different parts of Australia I finally feel like I’m back home; that is until I fly to rural Warialda NSW next weekend for my last talk of the year.

It’s been a whopper of a year most of it consumed by The Big Little Book of Resilience which I’m proud to announce the launch of on Feb 1st 2015. I usually get to the end of completing a book and begin to have serious doubts about it. This because I have spent over a year thinking about pretty much nothing but and constantly having to look at it. However I am glad to say I still like this ‘little big’ book and I’ve been trotting it out as a talk which seems to resonate well with those who come to look and listen.

Hope this finds you well where ever you might be. Mj

There’s always a slight irony for me when Mental Health Month rolls around as it tends to be my busiest time of the year. It’s not the 1st time I’ve been trying to deliver a book around now. Then once that’s done and dusted I’m pretty much away for the month of October doing talks around the country, it’s a all a little bit … um … mental.

In saying that I wouldn’t change a dot of what I do because I am doing what I love, meeting great people, chatting about what’s important and going to places I wouldn’t probably go to on my own steam. I am however looking forward to bit of a chill over November.

Last month a film crew from the ABC came to the Black Dog Institute and filmed me for over 4 hours. This 4 hours became a 3 minute short for ‘Mental As’ which is part of the ABC’s awareness campaign for mental health month. They filmed myself and seven others about overcoming mental health issues and what we can learn from it. I think they did a truly, awesomely, inspiring job. We have made leaps and bounds around understanding and educating about mental health issues but we’ve still got a way to go. So please watch these, get involved, start a conversation and check in with your friends, colleagues and loved ones.

Hope this finds you well where ever you maybe. Woof woof!!!

http://iview.abc.net.au/collection/423

http://ab.co/1yxhRCe