Ryan Sallans's Blog

Westernized society and culture have experienced a dramatic shift surrounding awareness and visibility of gender diverse identities over this past decade. Along with visibility, we are seeing advancement of gender care services for children, adolescents and adults at major hospital networks across the nation. Longitudinal research is continually showing the positive mental and physical health outcomes for patients served, yet people unfamiliar with this topic continue to argue against the science – especially when the topic is related to minors.

 

I want to preface the rest of this article by saying decisions surrounding appropriate medical interventions with gender diverse minors should be made within a circle of care including the individual seeking care, caregivers, mental healthcare provider and medical clinician. These decisions should not be made by politicians.

 

The present political onslaught attacking minors’ access to care and ability to participate in sports is telling young people they, or their friends, do not exist or should not exist. This will/is exacerbating anxiety and depression among our children and adolescents, which then leads to further health disparities including eating disorders, substance use, and self-injurious behaviors including suicide.

 

The question I am presently asking myself as I see my own state put forward harmful legislation that will have extreme negative consequences/impact on our youth is – how do we shift people’s viewpoints and begin to open space for a conversation instead of allegations?

 

The first place my brain goes is to try to step into the opposing side’s view to understand more of what it is they are feeling/thinking. So, I asked myself, what are people scared of? I concluded the major theme surrounds people’s fear that minors are making the wrong decisions and will have deep regrets later in life due to what they view as the unknown impact on fertility, reproduction and long-term health. My parents had the same fears for me when I began my transition at age 25, eighteen years later I still have no regrets.

 

So, my response to this fear is that banning a young person’s access to medical care and advisement is not the way to help support someone in their life. Mental and medical health care providers are guided by standards of care developed through extensive research – worldwide – on this topic. Advancing and supporting opportunities for further education is the best way we can support our youth. 

 

Transgender people are not new to this world. We’ve been accessing care since the medical technologies were invented and experience ongoing benefits with the advancements in the field. Our ongoing advancement in understanding how to best serve minors is also showing the positive mental and physical health outcomes of either social transitioning (no medical therapies necessarily involved) and accessing medications such as GnRH analogues (puberty pausers) or hormone therapy.

 

It is the responsibility of the clinician to provide medically accurate information while meeting the patient where they are at in their decision-making process. We cannot sweep gender care under the rug, nor ignore what it is that minors are learning about themselves and what it is they need to move forward in their lives. For those that begin on medical therapies and then choose to discontinue medications or a transition, they have the peace of mind in knowing more about who they are and what it is they need in this present time.  

The post Providing Gender Care for Minors appeared first on RyanSallans.com.

This pandemic has taken a great toll on humanity with close to seven million documented deaths around the world.

Along with the impact of the virus, we are seeing ongoing history-making weather patterns including storms, floods, fires, droughts, lava and ash. The numbers of people’s lives taken or impacted by these disruptions is an ongoing ticking meter. We then also have people’s lives taken away by war, invasions, and crimes.

While being mindful that we are (and have been) in a constant state of disruption as any form of species on this planet – this one feels like a doozy.

I have found myself experiencing chronic stress. I keep saying it would be different if my life was back in balance and I was consistently with you all in physical form, instead of still mostly sitting behind a webcam that I feel I should at least name since we look at each other every day.

I look into the cyclops fisheye lovingly; its dark abyss then sucks me away. Perched to the left of Cyclops, there I just named it, is a suctioned on light cube – the brightness takes me back to at least the illusion of a performance on stage.

So here it is.

If you were to have asked me years ago where I saw my life going, the one place I did not see, like many of you, was to be spending the majority of my time behind a webcam for now three years and counting. I am globally broadcasted and recorded – but my own words soak into the gray plastered walls of my home office, instead of the ears of a live audience.

Prior to the pandemic I knew that my career would be shifting, I just didn’t know how it would happen or what it would look like. As the demand for my services continues to climb across the globe, I am learning that what people really need from me is to address the topic that we all talk about, but mostly awkwardly or so matter-of-factly, no one can agree on or get along.

That topic is: Being Human.

I am recognizing that the way we are looking at ourselves and others, along with the language we are using is making us all further confused and further othering of one another. When it comes to identity and sense of self, nothing is truly the same. We all have varied lived experiences influenced by unique genetic traits and life factors.

As we continue in life, we learn and see more and more how being human is messy and complex.

To be human, means to be allowed to play out our lives, in our bodies – stumbling through our own forms of exploration and discovery.  What I strive for as a human, is to keep fine-tuning my skills and knowledge, while also respecting my thoughts and feelings after I make a mistake. 

My biggest mistake has been cutting myself off during a time that people really needed me.

I cut myself off because the messaging I kept internalizing is that I should not speak or be visible.

“Visibility at any costs. I’d rather have negative than nothing,” Harvey Fienstein’s smokey voice said in the 1995 documentary, The Celluloid Closet.

I wrote down what he said because it resonated with what I felt inside, but feared due to what it meant I needed to do.

I needed to get my sack-of-potato woe’s-is-me attitude off the couch to be back and upright on my two feet. I needed to get my brain operating on all gears and start putting time into my life’s passion. Speaking up and being visible, so that my story can help another who questions if they should keep going or just give up on life.

When I was protested by the Westboro Baptist Church down in Salina, Kansas in 2009 I told everyone that you can always spin a negative into a positive. In this case, it resulted in a thousand-dollar donation to the Matthew Shepard Erase the Hate Foundation.

“Visibility at any costs. I’d rather have negative than nothing.”

My story and perspective can stir-up a lot of different emotions in people. When you are visible, negative will create positive.    

The longer I have waited in silence, the worse I feel, and more chaotic things become.   

It is time to step up to the plate and take another swing towards the stars that create my galaxy.

The next story I share will be about how my life got turned upside down in 2016, and how I am now turning it back upright.

The post Being Human: Reflections on Life appeared first on RyanSallans.com.

I’ve written the following blog to help people currently struggling with suicidal thoughts. I hope it also helps provide perspective for family and friends who are concerned for their loved ones. 

Think of your life. Stop thinking about others. 

Think of your own. 

Especially now, in this day and age of global interconnections with ongoing heartache and devastation.

It is hard to see joy when all we see and feel is pain. 

If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts or feelings, or are losing hope, it is imperative to take a deep breath and close your eyes to search for that joy you once had, so that you can remember who you are and why you are here. 

I have been battling ongoing suicidal thoughts since I was a small child. It first happened when I realized I was in a girl’s body, and not a boy’s. This realization put me in a state of shock and questioning what is my true life reality. I didn’t want to live the life of a girl. I wanted to live my life as a boy. My feelings around suicide then continued due to other traumatic life events.

As an adult, I struggle on-and-off with suicidal thoughts and feelings when I lose myself within the walls and confines of ongoing trauma, which then spark my tendency to think I am a “bad” or “wrong” person because of who I am. 

I am a transsexual man living freely and openly in the United States of America. An openly transsexual man who now wears cowboy boots with the American flag on them. I bought them for a historic week of first speaking in front of our federal judges and then closing out with the US Air Force. 

I am a sexuality educator/storyteller who uses my academic training to serve all forms of community, small and large – through both writing and speaking. My work is in an ongoing state of metamorphosis, as it is done through my own understanding of life’s meaning. While studying cultural anthropology in college, I had dreamed of becoming an ethnographer that traveled the world to observe and participate in other people’s lives in order to understand their cultures. But due to my eating disorder and increasing fear of not being in control of my diet and exercise, I ditched the idea and changed my goals. 

With my eating disorder no longer being my central focus I’ve become an ethnographer of westernized culture and eastern influence. An observer of politics colliding with the body liberation movement. A human health behaviorist that is seeking the answer to what seems like a tiny question, but underneath is the rumbling of divine meaning. 

That question is, who am I? 

Who am I? 

Being vulnerable to the public through my profession has opened me up to attacks that can knock one’s sense of self off its rocker.  Every time I recover and find myself, something happens, like a lightning bolt striking my inner spirit, which causes me to slip back into a cycling and spinning mind state. My search then continues, for an answer that keeps being elusive. 

I struggle with ongoing suicidal thoughts, anxiety and depression due to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). My PTSD has led me to believe that I am not lovable . . . that I have no value. Deep down, I know this isn’t true. What is true is I cannot be lovable if I do not love myself. And the longer I beat myself up, the further I slip away from being able to see or remember joy. I then become fixated on worrying about other people’s judgements, critiques or objections – which drives a further wedge between me and the desire to keep living. I then begin to severe connections. Which is why I am writing this down and sharing it. The pain we leave from suicide is what people most regret.

Yet, for people struggling with suicidal thoughts and feelings: 

We believe if we kill ourselves then others will be happy. 

We believe we are part of the problem and not the solution. 

We believe there is no hope in life, due to another lightning bolt to our spirit. 

We cannot see a future, or the one we do looks bleak.

How do we help ourselves and others out of this way of thinking, seeing and experiencing the world? 

The first step is to have awareness of when these waves of emotions come over us and for how long. For me at this present moment, I have been able to find a place of state and calm, so these intense feelings are not driving me. But in the past, I’ve noticed that suicidal thoughts come throughout the day or week depending on what I am doing or focusing on. The best way to overcome them is for me to slow myself down and just let myself grieve. Even if in public. The more I grieve, the more I let out everything that deeply saddens me about living in this world. It is extremely difficult to sit with long-standing grief and feelings of despair – but hold on. Those feelings will pass, they just first need to move through you. 

The second step is to close one’s eyes and take another deep breath. Close your eyes and try to focus on your name. The one you like to go by, not necessarily your given. For me, I focus on two names and two different people, even though we are both the same. Kim and Ryan. I had 25 years living as female, and now 17 living as male in this sexed body. In focusing on your name, think of a moment or time that you’ve heard it and it made you smile. It made you feel affirmed and seen on this planet.

The third step is to reopen your eyes and look at yourself to take in your reflection. It reminds you of who you are deep down. Look into your eyes and search for your inner voice and compass for guidance. Your eyes hold the windows to your soul . . . at least that is what they always say. Given the compliments I have received for mine, I believe this to be true. I have kind green eyes. I am a kind person.

The fourth step is to listen to music (or feel it, if you are not able to hear). Listen to a lot of music. Just let yourself get lost in a CD, album or playlist. Feel the beats and rhythm. Listen to the words and how they form into lyrics. Sit and listen. Stand and listen. Walk and listen. Run and listen. Pace and listen. Sway back and forth and listen. Get back into your mind and body. Let the music carry you to a new place like flying up in the clouds on an airplane. 

The next step can happen either before what I suggested for step one, or any other time that you are ready – reach out for help. Let someone you trust know your feelings and seek or continue with your own mental health therapy. While we may feel ashamed to share our feelings of suicide, we are actually opening up the opportunity to talk about what is scaring us, weighing us down, or creating feelings of torment. Through talking, we can find clarity and forms of relief.

By doing these things it will help you calm down your nervous system. It may not be perfect, but each step we take to ground ourself back to this earth, the more we can open back up to those we love and see that love reflected back.

To keep going through all of this, I just keep asking myself. What is it that drives me in life? What is it that interests me? What is it that makes me feel complete?

My final answer – living my life with all of you. This includes the pain and hurt, and the love and joy.  

Healing is achievable the more we feel safe and able to open up to finding ourselves. 

You are not alone – National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

The post Stay With Us: Working Through Suicidal Thoughts appeared first on RyanSallans.com.

How I Work Through Anxiety and Eating Recovery: Day 35 of Self-Containment

Part 4 of the “Finding the Meaning of Life” Series

 

With each day of self-containment and social distancing that passes by, I am sure others are feeling the same way I am . . . uncertainty about what the heck the future will look like.

This uncertainty makes my anxiety grow.

I am a strategic planner. I am a timeline guy. I am a spreadsheet with budgets, debts and saving goals listed for each month, with projections taking me 30 years from now. I am a speaker that finds comfort seeing engagements on the calendar, while negotiating new events and performances. My career has highs and lows – but the highs have been becoming more abundant.

Then came a pandemic . . . and suddenly everything shut down.

Communication lines have become broken, and a blank or eroding 2020 calendar with uncertain financial streams is becoming more terrifying.

The more anxious I become, the more I find myself blaming me for everything. I am catching myself in the middle of what is referred to as negative self-talk:

“I am dropping the ball on everyone else.”“I don’t matter.”“I make other people uncomfortable and they don’t like me.”“My career is now over . . .”

 

Are you finding yourself doing the same thing . . . with maybe different wording or phrasing?

 

 If so, my advice is the following:

“Stop beating yourself up for the things that are completely out of your control. And, right now, give yourself some leeway for personal needs, over varying professional roles or other people’s requests.”

 

Communication lines are not going to be solid right now because we are literally taking each day at-a-time.

This is something new to a lot of us – unless you are someone that has, or is, going through recovery (I like to say “recovery of self”).

“One day at-a-time” is a motto that helps people in recovery move from feeling like they are hanging onto their lives by a string, to life with a sturdier rope, and eventually a stable to stable-enough ladder.

Sometimes the string gets ripped, the hands slip on the rope, or the ladder tips a bit, and a new recovery of self begins.

Anytime it does, one day at-a-time, reminds people to stay in the present, and to feel/explore their full range of emotions, while also allowing space for forgiveness because perfection is impossible to achieve. And as long as we are alive, we’ll always be learning something new about ourselves, which includes some stumbles along the way.

I know it is hard to want to feel a full range of emotions when anxiety grows. I know it is hard to make sense of feelings when everything is just so overwhelming. I know when this happens, we can feel like deer stuck in the headlights, uncertain if we should move or stay put.

 

What have I done in my own recovery of self to help with this?

First, I’ve worked in life to recognize when I start blaming myself for feeling like I’ve let somebody down, or that I’ve done something wrong. I am a type-A perfectionist, with a history of anorexia nervosa – which means I am really good at blaming myself for everything (things others will never remember, or I fear, never forget).

If I hadn’t undergone treatment for my eating disorder and then continued working on myself through both holistic healthcare and my academic teachings, I could have found a creative way to blame myself for COVID-19.

It took me 40-some-years to build enough self-awareness to recognize when I am thinking, behaving or acting in a way I know deep-down is just not really me. When this happens, I am slipping from my own recovery of self.

I now realize what I feel are my “not best” or “embarrassing” moments are due to being overly stressed, scared, anxious, or just misunderstood. I now recognize that I need to just – let myself be – for a moment. By letting myself be, I am able to re-center and declutter my destructive or self-deprecating thoughts.

 

After recognizing that my negative self-talk is linked to my anxiety, I start to shift my energy from being inside my head to getting in touch with my body by asking:

Am I hungry?Am I thirsty?Am I tired?. . . Am I breathing?

Recognizing that I am definitely still breathing, I take in a few deep breathes and let them out.

 

I channel my former psychologist who taught me the ABC’s – which in the medical field is known as – Airway, Breathing, and Circulation – in my psychologist’s office I was taught – Awareness, Breath, and Calm.

So now, I say to myself, “Take a breath in (wait two to three seconds) and now let it out.”

Three to four deep breathes is usually all I need to feel better, and now I ask myself why I resisted the ABC’s (taught to me repeatedly for six years in my twenties) for so long.

I find, after I get enough oxygen, my body begins to calm, my stomach doesn’t feel as many knots, and my negative racing self-talk and confusion eases up.

 

As my body feels calmer and my mind clears out all the chitter-chatter, I am able to determine in that present moment what I really need.

Sometimes it is going into my den and turning on a TV show, or simply just sitting on the couch in silence or with some light music on. A nap may sneak in, or I may just rest my eyes and get lost in slowly calming thoughts.Other times, I feel motivated to take action steps forward in my career or go down to my basement and work out.And then there are the times where eating or drinking helps give me either comfort or energy, so I can take care of my health in that present moment. I will add with eating and drinking – being aware of what and how much I am consuming is important. If I drink too much (for me that would be beer or scotch) or eat without being conscious of how I feel, I don’t feel better – I feel worse.

 

Self-awareness, ABC’s, and re-centering are all important. Something I am learning is also important – due to this pandemic – is FaceTime with friends.

I never really used FaceTime before this pandemic – personally, it has always creeped me out.

Calling people via video felt like a violation of privacy. My mind has always been boggled when on public transportation or sausage-stuffed into a terminal shuttle in Atlanta’s airport because I am always observing people using FaceTime . . . oftentimes without headphones. In the past, the thought of someone having a personal glimpse, beyond my voice, into my present surroundings made me very uncomfortable, like being caught without “my face put on”. Which for me would be asking if my hair was combed and if I was wearing a shirt that didn’t involve cut-off sleeves. (Who are we kidding – if I am stuck at home forever, I will never go back to T-shirts with sleeves.)

But now, I finally get FaceTime – seeing my friends and hearing their voices is very calming and helps me get in touch with our past and present lives together, while also fantasizing about future hang outs and hugs.

I know we all wish we had a crystal ball that could take us to a definitive future timeline that shows life back to normal. But life doesn’t work that way. Life will never go back to what it was prior to this pandemic, or prior to someone’s next step in recovery of self.

Or, at least it shouldn’t. I have so much to add with that statement, but I will wait.

 

Right now the main goal of writing this is to help people stay in the present. While you’re here, slowly begin to ask yourself – what is sustainable in my life, and what has just added to the clutter – up to this present moment?

That’s all we need to do right now.

 

For me personally, I am reminding myself what is right, what is wrong, and what needs improvement in regard to how we all have been treated. I am now strategizing ways to better communicate with all of you in the future, while practicing my ABC’s and also taking it one day at-a-time. I guess I did learn some helpful things from all my years of cognitive-behavioral therapy after all.

A Video on How I Work through Anxiety

The post How I Work Through Anxiety & Eating Recovery appeared first on RyanSallans.com.

How I Work Through Anxiety and Recovery: Day 35 of Self-Containment

Part 4 of the “Finding the Meaning of Life” Series

 

With each day of self-containment and social distancing that passes by, I am sure others are feeling the same way I am . . . uncertainty about what the heck the future will look like.

This uncertainty makes my anxiety grow.

I am a strategic planner. I am a timeline guy. I am a spreadsheet with budgets, debts and saving goals listed for each month, with projections taking me 30 years from now. I am a speaker that finds comfort seeing engagements on the calendar, while negotiating new events and performances. My career has highs and lows – but the highs have been becoming more abundant.

Then came a pandemic . . . and suddenly everything shut down.

Communication lines have become broken, and a blank or eroding 2020 calendar with uncertain financial streams is becoming more terrifying.

The more anxious I become, the more I find myself blaming me for everything. I am catching myself in the middle of what is referred to as negative self-talk:

“I am dropping the ball on everyone else.”
“I don’t matter.”
“I make other people uncomfortable and they don’t like me.”
“My career is now over . . .”

 

Are you finding yourself doing the same thing . . . with maybe different wording or phrasing?

 

 If so, my advice is the following:

“Stop beating yourself up for the things that are completely out of your control. And, right now, give yourself some leeway for personal needs, over varying professional roles or other people’s requests.”

 

Communication lines are not going to be solid right now because we are literally taking each day at-a-time.

This is something new to a lot of us – unless you are someone that has, or is, going through recovery (I like to say “recovery of self”).

“One day at-a-time” is a motto that helps people in recovery move from feeling like they are hanging onto their lives by a string, to life with a sturdier rope, and eventually a stable to stable-enough ladder.

Sometimes the string gets ripped, the hands slip on the rope, or the ladder tips a bit, and a new recovery of self begins.

Anytime it does, one day at-a-time, reminds people to stay in the present, and to feel/explore their full range of emotions, while also allowing space for forgiveness because perfection is impossible to achieve. And as long as we are alive, we’ll always be learning something new about ourselves, which includes some stumbles along the way.

I know it is hard to want to feel a full range of emotions when anxiety grows. I know it is hard to make sense of feelings when everything is just so overwhelming. I know when this happens, we can feel like deer stuck in the headlights, uncertain if we should move or stay put.

 

What have I done in my own recovery of self to help with this?

First, I’ve worked in life to recognize when I start blaming myself for feeling like I’ve let somebody down, or that I’ve done something wrong. I am a type-A perfectionist, with a history of anorexia nervosa – which means I am really good at blaming myself for everything (things others will never remember, or I fear, never forget).

If I hadn’t undergone treatment for my eating disorder and then continued working on myself through both holistic healthcare and my academic teachings, I could have found a creative way to blame myself for COVID-19.

It took me 40-some-years to build enough self-awareness to recognize when I am thinking, behaving or acting in a way I know deep-down is just not really me. When this happens, I am slipping from my own recovery of self.

I now realize what I feel are my “not best” or “embarrassing” moments are due to being overly stressed, scared, anxious, or just misunderstood. I now recognize that I need to just – let myself be – for a moment. By letting myself be, I am able to re-center and declutter my destructive or self-deprecating thoughts.

 

After recognizing that my negative self-talk is linked to my anxiety, I start to shift my energy from being inside my head to getting in touch with my body by asking:

Am I hungry?
Am I thirsty?
Am I tired?
. . . Am I breathing?

Recognizing that I am definitely still breathing, I take in a few deep breathes and let them out.

 

I channel my former psychologist who taught me the ABC’s – which in the medical field is known as – Airway, Breathing, and Circulation – in my psychologist’s office I was taught – Awareness, Breath, and Calm.

So now, I say to myself, “Take a breath in (wait two to three seconds) and now let it out.”

Three to four deep breathes is usually all I need to feel better, and now I ask myself why I resisted the ABC’s (taught to me repeatedly for six years in my twenties) for so long.

I find, after I get enough oxygen, my body begins to calm, my stomach doesn’t feel as many knots, and my negative racing self-talk and confusion eases up.

 

As my body feels calmer and my mind clears out all the chitter-chatter, I am able to determine in that present moment what I really need.

Sometimes it is going into my den and turning on a TV show, or simply just sitting on the couch in silence or with some light music on. A nap may sneak in, or I may just rest my eyes and get lost in slowly calming thoughts.
Other times, I feel motivated to take action steps forward in my career or go down to my basement and work out.
And then there are the times where eating or drinking helps give me either comfort or energy, so I can take care of my health in that present moment. I will add with eating and drinking – being aware of what and how much I am consuming is important. If I drink too much (for me that would be beer or scotch) or eat without being conscious of how I feel, I don’t feel better – I feel worse.

 

Self-awareness, ABC’s, and re-centering are all important. Something I am learning is also important – due to this pandemic – is FaceTime with friends.

I never really used FaceTime before this pandemic – personally, it has always creeped me out.

Calling people via video felt like a violation of privacy. My mind has always been boggled when on public transportation or sausage-stuffed into a terminal shuttle in Atlanta’s airport because I am always observing people using FaceTime . . . oftentimes without headphones. In the past, the thought of someone having a personal glimpse, beyond my voice, into my present surroundings made me very uncomfortable, like being caught without “my face put on”. Which for me would be asking if my hair was combed and if I was wearing a shirt that didn’t involve cut-off sleeves. (Who are we kidding – if I am stuck at home forever, I will never go back to T-shirts with sleeves.)

But now, I finally get FaceTime – seeing my friends and hearing their voices is very calming and helps me get in touch with our past and present lives together, while also fantasizing about future hang outs and hugs.

I know we all wish we had a crystal ball that could take us to a definitive future timeline that shows life back to normal. But life doesn’t work that way. Life will never go back to what it was prior to this pandemic, or prior to someone’s next step in recovery of self.

Or, at least it shouldn’t. I have so much to add with that statement, but I will wait.

 

Right now the main goal of writing this is to help people stay in the present. While you’re here, slowly begin to ask yourself – what is sustainable in my life, and what has just added to the clutter – up to this present moment?

That’s all we need to do right now.

 

For me personally, I am reminding myself what is right, what is wrong, and what needs improvement in regard to how we all have been treated. I am now strategizing ways to better communicate with all of you in the future, while practicing my ABC’s and also taking it one day at-a-time. I guess I did learn some helpful things from all my years of cognitive-behavioral therapy after all.

The post How I Work Through Anxiety & Recovery appeared first on RyanSallans.com.

Full Audio Transcript for Ryan's Speech - A Love Letter to the World: As Told by This American's Life.

An economic recession is hard enough, we as Americans can still remember what 2008 felt like and how long that took many of us to get back on our feet, with sadly some not being able to fully make it there. Going back a little further, we can remember the sheer horror as we watched our own airplanes fly into our city towers or nearby town fields, where innocent people’s lives were taken out of hate. Going back even further, we will continue to see the pain and trauma we’ve inflicted upon each other because of power, control and greed. It is important to remind everyone that the 75th anniversary of Jewish people being liberated from the genocide we called “concentration camps” took place on January 23, 2020. Let’s also not forget that World War II caused this planet to lose over 75 million people.

Now, in March 2020, we are not only facing a global recession, we are also going through a pandemic that is putting the fragility of life and the need for a balanced work and home life – front and center – for us, not only as Americans, but for all of us as human beings. Our death tolls are rising, and we are seeing the virus impact both the young and healthy and old and frail. Many people have reached out to me to see how I am doing during this time because I am a small business in America that has had my income shut down until further notice. My short answer is, “Thank you for your concern, it truly means a lot to me. I am hopeful that this pandemic and the recession will allow us all to change, adapt, and readjust our American culture and world views.”

You may be wondering what I mean by, “readjust our American culture and world views.” Below, I will be sharing with you all a hybrid of a speech that I wrote and shared live via my YouTube channel at 7 pm CT on March 19, 2020. I will admit, the video is not perfect – one, I had never filmed using the YouTube Live feature and have now learned its video and sound quality is not good. Also, this was a brand new speech, but I felt the need to speak urgently, so I was not able to fine-tune my craft, which revealed my slight speech impediment that has never prevented me from being a public speaker- it’s part of my quirk and charm. After reading the rest of this article that I’ve written for all of you, feel free to check out the live video on my YouTube channel (just turn on the closed captioning, which I spent over 8 hours crafting).

This pandemic has cemented what I have been developing in my life over the past forty years. I live in America, but I am very fortunate to have traveled to many parts of the world and work with very diverse audiences. As I’ve aged, I’ve been on the search to find ongoing pride in being an American, instead of embarrassment that is full of a lot of apologies to the world. I’ve also worked hard in growing my small business as a speaker and author in the fields of inclusion, diversity and healthcare. I’ve been on a quest to help other people find their own pride, not only in their country but in themselves. I am an American that believes in the importance of living a life guided by respect for individuality, integrity, honesty, truthfulness, and kind playfulness. I am a small business that works in the fields of inclusion, diversity and healthcare because I know through my own life experiences that we as human beings need to be able to live a life without judgement or assumptions. We need to be able to grow our individuality in this world, in order to figure out and then express who we are as unique human being living their own life with guided principles and values. We need to remember what it means to be human, so that we can learn from mistakes or past actions, in order to improve ourselves, our lives and our relationships. 

Now, more than ever, we need to put focus, value and resources toward trauma-informed care and public health, in order to build healthy communities and relationships. 

I realize now, that my work has been operating under the confines of human sexuality and eating disorders, but what I really do is teach and show people how to heal from trauma. And right now, there are a lot of people experiencing a very disrupted life where they do not feel like they are in control or that it is their own. The more people we lose to this virus, young and old, the even more real our individual live’s become. I have been aware of my own life from a very young age, and I’ve been fighting ever since to figure out to share with all of you how important we all are on this planet. I have been going through a rebrand with my new found understandings of the impact of abuse and trauma, and I am now planning a lifetime’s worth of articles, books, videos, and personal stories to help us all. Over the past three months, I’ve been working with test markets to restructure my work. As my speaking season for 2020 was gearing up, I was planning to show you all my new insight through a talk that I had planned to film and post online. I’ve never posted a full talk online, but felt it was time to open up my message to people beyond the audiences with me in a room or readers through a book or article.

On March 19, 2020, I was scheduled to give a talk in Palm Springs inside a church. The talk was titled “A Lover Letter to the World: A Story About How I Found My Soul.” I used that specific language and the word “soul” because I was going to be speaking in a church, and I wanted me and my talk to feel soulful. Before March 12, I felt this talk in California would provide me with that last answer I was seeking, in order to help all of you, like I have over the years. But with 2020 essentially being canceled (at least the Spring) I realized the true moment I needed to experience, in order to find the answer I had been searching for, was a global pandemic with an economic shut down like we haven’t seen before, and it is impacting us all. 

For the past 15 years, I have been working non-stop to help people heal from abuse and trauma around this world. I say “non-stop” because I’ve been working this whole time to heal my own because I continually felt this world taking my health and my heart into its hands, instead of mine. I’ve recently learned that to heal my own trauma, I had to free myself from the labels and identities that I was using to categorize myself. I’ve learned that categories do not show us who a person is, and how they feel, in their own lives as a human being on this planet. I had this realization after spending five days by myself back in December. 

On December 15, 2019 I woke up in bed with the most severe chills I have ever experienced in my life. These chills continued nonstop for three days and then moved into a weird respiratory cold. I had gotten the flu, that I linked to the Urgent Care visit I had had earlier that week due to an inflamed lower eyelid that is linked to stress. While sitting in the small waiting room, I could hear the current patient in the exam room hacking so badly, that I considered leaving and visiting another time because that sound made me feel if I got it, I would never survive. Well, I did survive, but that illness was terrible and it made me think about how much worse it would have been if I wasn’t in otherwise good health (minus stress). 

Subsequently, being drained from a very busy Fall and then getting the flu, I elected not to go on a vacation to the mountains with my wife. Instead, I sat in my house, all alone for five whole days. I didn’t even take a step out, besides to grab the mail placed in a box just outside my front door. While my wife spent a week with her father who lives in the mountains, I self-quarantined and instead of speaking to people, I just hung out by myself where I listened to music, cooked great home-made meals, completed a very difficult 1000 piece puzzle, worked out in my basement, and chilled/played with my cats. 

By the time my wife returned home, I felt like a new man. And quickly realized I was becoming not only a new man, but my full-human self.

On January 8, 2020, I saw a full human being standing before me in my bathroom mirror, who goes by the name of Ryan. I saw a goofy, fun-loving guy that wears his heart on his sleeve and helps out as many people as he can who are in need. Over the past three months, I have been going through a recovery of self, and journaling everything I am learning about the bio-psycho-social model and recovery from abuse and trauma. I realize I have a unique life where I am often on the forefront because I am a unique person with unique talents and gifts that can come off as either too much or unsettling for some people because I truly work hard to live a life guided by listening to yourself, and honoring who you are. There is a reason why I have the motto: “Honor Your Truths.” It’s scary, but trust me, I’ve been there and things are not necessarily easy, but way better on the other side. 

I am learning, building more trust in me and message is my next objective because over the course of my life some people closest to me have hurt me in ways I will never understand. That hurt has made me pull further into myself because the ongoing pain has made it harder for me to live on. Through my recovery of self, I realize the part of me I’ve been scouting the furthest on the unknown trails for, is affirmation from the people I love the most regarding the true importance of my love of educational and practical storytelling through my books, articles and talks. By spending time with myself and listening to myself and my body, I realize the last person that I needed to affirm my purpose, was me.  

As a memoirist that has been sharing stories based on my life with all of you, I am now ready to start writing you all stories that move past abuse and trauma, after we all get through the reverberations of the present future unknowns. It feels good to think about finally being able to live my life, and share fun stories with you about my life as a guy with graying hair because his dearest lesbian friends told him to quit dyeing it. It feels empowering to share what my life as a guy who works in inclusion, diversity and healthcare that presently has 40 years and some odd and even days of life experience in America with all of you.

I’ve worked far too hard for this moment, and human evolution has come too far for it all to end, so I believe we will be able to heal from this pandemic and economic recession.

My name is Ryan Sallans and I have been spending the past fifteen years of my life as a storyteller that is inspired by living on this planet with all of you. You teach me a lot about myself every step of the way, which in turn has helped me also teach you! That’s called a symbiotic relationship! 

I am most known for helping LGBTQ people, more specifically, transgender people because in August 1979 I was born and a doctor looked between my legs and said, “It’s a girl.”

Over the course of 15+ years, I’ve been speaking and writing in the fields of inclusion, diversity and healthcare and have been frustrated and confused by the lack of improvement in quality of life and access to healthcare for patients, employees, students and clients. I am seeing more and more people losing their individuality, and we presently live in a world where “nothing makes sense anymore” and it feels like “someone is always picking on someone else.”

I have been feeling stuck on my childhood playground, where the bullies on either side, rule the law-of-the-land, leaving those of us in the middle confused and silenced.

What I have seen over this past decade has hurt me, you, and this planet greatly. In our work to become more inclusive and welcoming, we have forgotten a golden rule:

“Be kind to others, like you are to yourself.”

We have forgotten this rule because we are not being kind to ourselves.

We are largely overworked and underpaid for the things we do to contribute to a fast-moving society.

We are stressed.

We are tired.

We are run down.

And we don’t know how to unwind because to truly unwind means needing to slow down to get back in touch with ourselves in our bodies. Our present American culture makes this near-to-impossible for many.

I have been on this ride with all of you. Owning a small business in America, I have worked and pushed myself hard, and have found myself falling deeper and deeper into a place of sadness and loneliness. Besides when I was out speaking, the parts of me that I liked the most were getting lost in the noise, or confused when a finger quickly pointed at the parts I was learning to like about me, but being told “I should not exist” or that “I have no more value.” When I came out as transgender I was rejected, harassed, bullied, and picked on – for god knows how many times – by people close, distant, and strangers. I was even protested by the Westboro Baptist church in Kansas back in 2009.

This ongoing trauma inflicted by a society that looked at me and then judged me based on appearance and physicality began right when I was born when my parents were told “I was a girl,” and  it hasn’t stopped.

Until now.

The joy I have been experiencing over the past three months, and the relationships I have been building with myself, my family, friends and community has been inspiring and also very difficult. It is hard to stay present in a life that keeps getting disrupted every time you leave your home because everything is too chaotic anymore. It is hard to process everything and keep up. Especially the older you get. I’ve learned over the course of these three months that I am a writer and storyteller. I realized this because I am fully tapped back into my emotions due to taking five days off in December, sitting with myself and continuing to access the healthcare I needed to heal from my last trauma.

I now fully realize how disruptive technology is, especially when it is used to drain our lives instead of enhance them.

Throughout my life, I have always been a very present, loving and giving person, but over the course of these last ten years, I have been slowly becoming more distant and my gifts were becoming non-existent. Instead, I kept booking more and more work, and volunteering more and more time. I worked to make money and volunteered to give back. Yet, the more money I made and the more of me that I gave, the more stressed I became about making even more money because I felt my value as an American small business was linked to money, not my gift of educational gab.

The more stressed I became because I was searching for monetary value, instead of life value, the more I numbed out through the overuse of alcohol and technology. The only thing that would bring me back to life were backpacking trips in nature and home projects. But those were my vacations, and so after they were over I threw myself back into the chaotic lives we all live. Until a funny thing happened, first I turned 40 last year and said, “Shit!” Second, I went through a recovery of self. And lastly, we are now in a global pandemic with an economic down turn. And I still feel hope.

I have not had an easy life. You all have been pretty hard on me, but I thank you for that because you have taught me a lot about what it feels like to be hurt and rejected, and how we as professionals can better serve you. I have a unique way of educating people about life, and feel that this next decade, as we all heal together from the impact of this pandemic, that I can do a better job at what I love most. Entertaining people, while teaching them a little about themselves through my stories, as a now aging and loving American in the twenty-first century.

On January 8, 2020 I saw my whole self in the mirror for the very first time in this life of mine . . . that has an expiration date.

I am presently writing my third book, Finding Me: A Journey to Self Discovery (Scout Publishing, 2021) that will go into more detail about what led up to my new awakening, and this blog I am presently writing. I will quickly summarize, that this year I have healed myself from my last trauma by transitioning the word and label “transgender” from an adjective to an adverb. Meaning, I let go of that label I had pinned upon myself, so that I could finally free my life from its last trauma, and start living it fully as me, a guy in his 40’s who lives in Omaha, Nebraska – but travels the world and does really cool things.

I just so happen to also be an author who uses his degrees in cultural anthropology, and educational psychology focused on human health behaviors, to help, in guiding many of you in your own lives, and your relationships with other people. We’ve all been part of each others lives around this world because everything we do has an impact on one another. My purpose has always been to provide people with insight into their own lives through my own. My goal is now to be one piece of this universal tapestry of healers and artists, so that you can feel better about yourself, your life and your relationships on this planet that we call home.

This virus has shut us down for a reason. We all need to remember what the true American dream in modern-day America (not colonialism) is – to live a liberated life where we can take care of ourselves, our family and our home – no matter our appearance or physicality. There is a lot sitting in front of us that is beautiful, it is just too hard to see because we’ve become disrupted and then absorbed by a technology-driven life.

We are not computers.

We are not robots.

We are human beings in a life-stage development cycle that is presently ending earlier in our lives versus other countries.

This fast-paced lifestyle may work for those extreme extroverts in this world, but for many of us, it is just too much, and it is draining us from ourselves, which prevents us from being fully present for others.

I still remember a life without technology, I remember a life guided by family stories, friendships, bruised knees and lessons learned. I remember waiting those three minutes for the radio commercial to get over, so I could press down on the play and record button at the same time to grab a song for the mixed tape I was slowly making. My favorite song was City of Lights. It is time for all of us who lived during a time prior to technology consuming us, to start reaching out and helping those that have never known anything different. I am asking that we finally allow generation X to have a dog in this dog park, instead of a dog in this fight. We need the knowledge gained by those slowly and thoughtfully recorded mixed tapes, off the radio. Both side A and side B.

We have built a world of super-fast connections, but we have no time to fully download everything happening around us. This virus and the crashing economy is a sign for us all as humans to get back to being human, not labels that we have to define by language that everyone hears and interprets differently.

My very wise Public Health Professor Dr. Ian Newman at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln told my graduate class in 2003 to, “Never get rid of our public health books because we would never get them back.” He is a very wise man who had grown up in New Zealand and studied and researched around the world, so I knew I should listen to him. I placed one of those books in my home office library, and I now realize what he meant by “never getting them back.” It is important to keep our books from the classes that inspire us because contained within those pages are your personal classroom notes and highlights, which can never be replaced by buying a new book. 

Deep thinkers go very deep into research and literature, and love to mark up paper. I am one of those people, and my public health book is all marked up with highlights, references, and research that my 40-year-old brain is presently finding helpful for insight regarding this pandemic and change.

Three nights ago, I pulled this book off my shelf because we are in a pandemic and I wanted to see what I could learn because I want to help the people that find comfort in me, my story and my voice. History holds all the writing on the wall – to help you all understand the meaning behind this, let me share some history from this book titled: A History of Public Health: Expanded Edition by George Rosen. In it he wrote that in 1849, pathologist Rudolf Virchow said,

“Epidemic diseases exhibiting a hitherto unknown character appear and disappear, often without leaving a trace.”

An Italian physician, poet, and scientist, Girolamo Fracastoro surmised that pandemics derive with abnormal atmospheric and astrological conditions. In a poem regarding the spread of syphilis that was published in 1530 he wrote,

“Although a cruel tempest rages, and the conjunction of the stars has been wicked, yet we are not completely deprived of divine clemency. This century has seen a new disease, the ravages of war, the sack of cities, floods and drought, yet it has also been able to navigate oceans denied to the ancients, and has reached beyond the bounds of the previously known world.”

In this poem, he spoke of a new age where we as humans had a new discovery of the world, the meaning of life, community and individuality after going through a rapid and sudden illness that was linked to a fever. We are presently entering into a new age where we are going to figure out how to be human on a planet that seeks and needs a symbiotic life. We have a beautiful planet, with beautiful humans. We just have not been able to tap into ourselves because technology has no time or patience for the process that we as humans need to go through. We need time to ourselves. We need the ability to fully think through our days and reflect on what we’ve learned about ourselves and our relationships. This is a process that should be allowed to be set on repeat in the morning when we get up, and the evening when we go to sleep. Or, if you work the night shift – vice versa. 

The planet needs us all to slow down too, and to be more thoughtful. In the poem, Girolamo Fracastoro referenced the new age as an age of Renaissance. I think we are going to have a new wave coming very soon on this planet because times of chaos are when us creative healers and artists thrive. And we are gearing up to help everyone out through what we’ve grown to know, but are not either given the credit for, or allowed the space to fully share.

I am a storyteller that has been collecting a historical timeline linked with science and research to help us understand our human lives in this current state of evolution, and I have a lot to share with you soon. I am very grateful for all of the wonderful connections that I have with amazing people in this world who are doing really good things to help us all heal from abuse and trauma. So, let me begin to close this blog by fully introducing myself one more time. My name is Ryan Sallans, and I’ve been fighting my whole American life for this very moment – to tell you all that we can heal from this and help our planet, so that future generations can live the liberated lives we all have been searching for.

I have a unique job that takes me into the C-Suite executive offices in corporate America, the hospital systems across the country, the university classrooms where students are searching for the inspiration to create what they seek in life, and the rural towns where the people are judged by any one that hasn’t experienced the beauty that can exist in small communities. I can’t win over everyone in a crowd, but overall people like me because I am coming from a place of love, not judgment or fear.

I realize now, the story I needed to share in Palm Springs on March 19, couldn’t have happened because the story’s conclusion was found by this global pandemic, known as a virus we call COVID-19.

Pandemics and epidemics have happened throughout history and time in the human evolutionary process. Each one setting the stage for another big change.

It’s time to embrace each other and understand the importance of social responsibility in a time of crisis. I am an American man that loves the potential of what our country was always meant to be, and I look forward to living out the rest of my life with all of you. But first, let’s all allow the time and space that we need to heal from this present disruption. My buddy Daan who is a brilliant intellectual and copyright lawyer said, “It feels like 2020 has been canceled!” I feel like the year 2020 will go down in history as the start of a new era, through first pressing the pause button, and then reset.

It is time to see how the planet heals from decreased carbon emissions – and how much better we all feel with what and how we consume (food, beverages, entertainment, media, information, products). I am an experienced international backpacker and camper. I travel this world by foot, and want to continue to learn more about you all, while I look out at the glaciers that are no longer melting away.

To start working on this reset, we absolutely need to adhere to the pause. We need to follow guidance from other countries that have enforced strict laws to stop the virus that will most likely appear in another 10 years and then never been seen again, according to Sylvia Brown who predicted this back in 2008, and mentioned to heal from it we need a combination of electrical currents and extreme heat. 

To help us all in flattening this virus’s impact and not falling so quickly if and when it appears again – it is time for America to listen to history and read the research findings that humans have been recording over the centuries. I always ask, why create a wheel that has already been formed? Why not work with the wheel that humans have already made and make it better, while giving credit where credit is deserved? George Rosen notes and other countries have found: “A major aspect for social responsibility is the creation of conditions and facilities that promote health, prevent disease, and render medical care easily accessible to those in need through a national health policy.”

We have all been impacted by this global pandemic. Those that now learn from the lesson will feel better much more quickly in their lives. I want to live in the land of the free with the person that brings me the most inspiration in life and now I understand is my muse. Megan, I have a very, very big love letter that I am going to be writing you very soon. I am sorry we’ve slowly lost each other over these years of chronic stress and am happy to see us both coming back into our own again. I look forward to you coming home, so we can go on our walks and also look forward to strolling to our voting poll this November to help turn this ship around and get it out of our waters. Some ships should have never been set out to see, and now we need to open our eyes to their true ramifications on us and nature. The more I am back out in nature, the more I remember and feel the freedom that nature and open spaces provide for healing and connection. I look forward to placing my feet on as many trails as I can, and go until my body says it is time for my ride on this physical planet to also end.

I just hope that when my body goes, the planet is doing well and I leave seeing and feeling love and acceptance, not hate and judgment.

Tonight, go to sleep thinking about your most fondest memory.

Tomorrow, take some time over your coffee to think about the moment and what made it so great.

The next day, expand that moment to the rest of that week, and then just keep going. By doing this, you will remember more and more what brings you joy in your life, and what you need to keep going.

For all of you who have watched me grow, as a professional in the inclusion, diversity and healthcare fields – serving all communities through my storytelling.

Thank you for continuing to come along with me on this ride.

For those of you who find meaning in what I have to say, and feel it could help out another person in our current times, pass me along through this video, my books and the future writing that I now have the time to finally sit down and craft.

I am an authentic guy, and I love you all. For those of you who have resisted my message, when you let go of your own judgement or fear, I am here with open arms, and always love giving hugs.

The post A Love Letter to the World: As Written by This American’s Life appeared first on RyanSallans.com.

Part 3 of the ``Finding Meaning in Life After A Global Pandemic and Economic Downturn`` Series

What Happened Last Week

Last week – week three of my own self-containment after a global pandemic – was the roughest week I have gone through in a very long time. For those of you who know me, or are familiar with my personal life story, you know this statement is a BIG one. I can confidently say that so far – for the year 2020 – the week of March 30 through April 5, will be a week I speak to at future events under my motto “Honor Your Truths” . . . and please do not give up.

What I personally felt and experienced during this last week was confusion, anxiety, deep sadness, loneliness, and loss of hope. These emotions were overwhelming for me because when I get to “loss of hope,” my mental health is not doing well. I decided this post was an important topic to talk about because I am concerned for many people out there right now, especially those of us who are part of – or connected to – the LGBTQ community.

In the past, the emotions I experienced last week would have led me down a path of still being a high-functioning professional, but one who sometimes internally struggles with deep depression that takes months to get out of. With my professional role as a speaker being placed on pause due to the virus, I’ve had more time to analyze last week and my personal feelings.

I realize now, it’s hard to fully process all the traumatic events and feelings we experience as professionals and individuals in this present world. The ongoing injustices, individual and communal, especially take a great toll on people who work in the fields of abuse, trauma, recovery and marginalized communities. I am recognizing this for the first time because I’ve had the time to actually sit with everything, since I am not being distracted by emails, social media, or ongoing traveling.

Over the weekend, I recognized how my recent feelings that led up to slight loss of hope was different from the past because my first emotion was confusion.

In the past, when I felt “loss of hope,” the first emotion I linked to it was not confusion – it was despair.

The week of March 30 through April 5, 2020, if I had felt despair, then I would have swiftly scheduled a Telehealth appointment with my former mental health provider. Prior to the virus, I had ended ongoing therapy due to reaching what I needed for my own self-actualization. Since, even with the icky feelings and experiences, I still kept both hands, firmly gripped on both rungs of my depression ladder. I then took the weekend as an opportunity to spend a great deal of time thinking about what I should be learning right now.

I did this while deep cleaning my house.

For any of you who have heard me speak, I share a story about how I own five different types of vacuums because you have different floor surfaces that have different cleaning needs. Well, I needed to think a lot this past weekend, and deep cleaning is the best form of medicine for me. So, I brought out four of my five different types of vacuums and floor cleaning products. When I finished the house, I then went outside, where I was meticulous with my landscaping and gardening. I was grateful that Spring is here, and I could still mow my yard. . . in different directions each week because it is “prettier” to some and “looks cooler” to others.

The whole time I cleaned, organized, trimmed, pruned and plucked, I listened to music from 90’s alternative rock bands and just thought about life . . . and what I was presently feeling.

I realized/concluded that prior to the global pandemic, I was finally standing on shored-up and footed ground in my life. It had only been a two-month experience, and had taken me 40 years to get there, but prior to 2020 being canceled, I was finally feeling the self-confidence that I had been learning about and speaking to for the past 20+ years. This virus is so confusing because in my life, I’ve never seen or experienced something so threatening and unknown that impacts ALL of us. This is big, and we are going through these range of emotions and experiences together. During this present state, it is important to feel the full range of your emotions and to reach out to the people you trust, so that you can continue to stay present and feel everything while avoiding numbing out through drugs, alcohol, or technology.

 

My Approach to This Week and the Future

 

So – here I am, starting week-four of self-containment on Monday, April 06, 2020. And my new motto to get me through each day, until I can get back out on the road is:

 

Life is unpredictable and sometimes you just need to stay largely in the present, without distractions from the online world or things out of your personal control.

 

Now, I am a realist, not an idealist in my approach to educating on human health behaviors. So, I think we all can give ourselves permission to “check-out” for a moment – meaning: binge watch a show, enjoy a little extra of a beverage or food that makes you feel more relaxed (not like you are slipping into a food coma or black out), and scroll through wish lists in shopping carts because money is tight for a lot of us right now.

As a realist, I recognize that we are presently living a life that is part of a consumerism American culture – so the binge-watch, extra food or beverage, or wish lists allows us to unwind and slow down. My hope is that after we perform this moderated-consumerism behavior, we start to get back in touch with ourselves, our bodies and our lives. It is my hope, that the longer this self-containment lasts, the more we will learn about what it is we can presently be doing in our lives to keep us ashore and afoot, while also supporting other people we care about, by focusing on our relationships with one another.

During self-containment, for you personally in your home, apartment, or bedroom – this may include:

Sitting down to journal or write, reading a book, playing music, or creating art
Or doing little projects around the house that don’t require much money – just your time: such as organizing, cleaning, fixing a crack in plaster or small hole in the drywall, painting a hallway or room, or hanging up the art that you kept meaning to find a nail and hammer for.

For you and your relationships during self-containment this means sitting down and just talking and listening to people about what you are presently feeling.

If you are in a romantic relationship, this may also include talking about your life together.

What are memories from the past that make you both smile?
What are things in the present that you appreciate doing with one another?
What reminders are popping up during this slow down regarding things you both want to do in present life?
And when this pandemic and recession ends, what dreams do you have for the future?

For me and my wife, we are presently enjoying walks together, while being mindful of our bodies in relation to other people. We’ve now ordered some seeds and garden boxes to do what we’ve always wanted to – but never had time for – grow our own seasonal food. And we’re figuring out how to compost, while dreaming of the future which includes electric Jeeps that will take us safely up and down the steepest one-way roads in the Western mountain ranges because our vacations are all linked to backpacking and camping while practicing “leave no trace” ethics in the wilderness.

I now recognize that this global pandemic has shut down the trajectory of my life’s future – for a moment. It has done the same for all of you. I realize I needed this slow down, even though it has been so confusing. The more I allow myself to feel all of my emotions (even the ones that are uncomfortable for us to hear, see, or admit) the more I am able to gather all of my thoughts, so that in this present moment I can be a better human being, neighbor, community member, speaker, author, husband, son, brother, nephew, uncle, friend and pet dad.

All of our lives have been going on a hyper-speed technology and money market driven platform that is not sustainable. It is time for us all to learn about the state of our present life, and what we would like to change now and then keep doing in the future, when human life resumes again.

Presently, I am going to promise to feel deeply, honor my truths, and write like I’ve never written before for pleasure and volunteer work.

 

Your Life is Important

 

If you or someone you know is feeling suicidal, lost, lonely or depressed – please reach out to someone you trust, or sit with yourself and allow one of the voices within you to keep saying, “Stay here – we all need to stay here because we are all important, and you are truly loved and needed.”

I tried taking my life twice in my late teens and early twenties. In my 40’s, I am so grateful to be here today, even with all of the pain I’ve experienced. We all truly do need each other’s unique individuality, perspectives and stories to help us become better human beings and people to one another.

Please know you can also call the following hotlines when you feel lost or without hope:

National Suicide Hotline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

The Trevor Project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/

Trans LifeLine: https://www.translifeline.org/

The post It’s Time to Just Be Present and Talk About Feelings and Being Human appeared first on RyanSallans.com.

Hello World!

I am now on day 20 of practicing self-containment and social distancing. I will admit, I am going a little stir crazy because although I am an introvert, I love my yearly speaking seasons. I realize that being in front of people and sharing my story, on how I have built confidence in myself and my life through “honoring my truths,” keeps me feeling inspired in my message and purpose. Looking at the days that have now passed by on the calendar (since human life got upended) and now looking forward at unknown blank-day, after another, I presently feel overwhelmed, confused, and anxious. I am guessing I am not alone.

Since it is uncertain if life will begin to resume again the end of April, May or 18 months from now, I feel it is time for us all to use this slow down to think more deeply about how we feel in our lives and in our bodies.

As you slow down, ask yourself – How do I feel about my work-life balance? How do I feel about my personal relationships? How do I feel in my body and my life?  

For some, you may have been feeling, “On top of the world!” before our world got slammed with a pandemic. For others, you may have been feeling your lives becoming more and more draining, with little time to truly think about your past, your present and what you have learned about yourself, so far in life.

If you are like me, and are feeling a little more anxious the longer this pandemic rages on, then it may be helpful to first get offline and stay focused on everything that presently and tangibly surrounds you. If you are working from home, or if you are laid off and have nothing else to do but hang out at home, it may be helpful for you to do one or more of the following, in order to work on introspection:

Grab a book off your shelf that you have been meaning to get to, but never feel like you have the time to truly sit down and read.
Grab a book off your shelf that you have already read, but have always found it to be comforting and inspiring.
Search through your closets, totes, or boxes to find old photo albums, toys or writing from your past.
Pick up a piece of paper, and a pencil or pen, and begin doodling again while listening to your favorite album or collection of artists.
Place your fingers on a musical instrument, either for the first-time ever, or first-time in a very long time.
Sit outside and have the sun shine on your face as the birds chirp, and squirrels run about with their recent nut-forage in their cheeks.
Begin searching for a new hobby, or picking one up that you’ve missed.
Get reconnected in your relationships with people through FaceTime, or sit down with your romantic partner and begin fantasizing about your life together, from when you first met – to what you wish for in the future.

The more we are all able to take a breath, relax in this life pause, and connect our past and present with hopes for our future, the more we can ease our anxiety. I want to thank everyone who has been adhering to self-containment and social distancing due to not being seen as an essential business or employee. I want to thank everyone out there on the front lines still working during this volatile time. I want to send the deepest of gratitude to the healthcare workers that are working tirelessly and endlessly to help save lives, and be with those that we are losing at a rapid pace.

Let us all never forget the importance of health care, factual knowledge, and how we are all helping guide each other’s lives. Below are the last two videos that I’ve made regarding self-containment and what I have found to be helpful/important in my life.

Day 14 of Self Containment: Public Health Announcement

Day 19 of Self-Containment and the Book that Presently Inspires Me

Since my Spring speaking season has been grounded, I am now going to use the rest of April, 2020 to work on my third book, Finding Me: A Journey to Self-Discovery (Scout Publishing, 2021). I will be back online starting, May 1, 2020.

The post Using the Pandemic as a Time for Introspection appeared first on RyanSallans.com.

Finding Life and Meaning After A Global Pandemic and Economic Downturn in America

Part 1

An economic recession is hard enough, we as Americans can still remember what 2008 felt like and how long that took many of us to get back on our feet, with sadly some not being able to fully make it there. Going back a little further, we can remember the sheer horror as we watched our own airplanes, full of people we love, crash into the world trade center towers that contained even more people that we love. We lost innocent people’s lives, on our own land, during what was supposed to be a normal workday. The repercussions of 911 are still felt today, and first responder’s lives forever changed or ended too young. Going back even further, we will continue to see the pain and trauma we’ve inflicted upon each other because of power, control and greed. It is important to remind everyone that the 75th anniversary of Jewish people being liberated from the genocide we called “concentration camps” took place on January 23, 2020. Let’s also not forget that World War II caused this planet to lose over 75 million people. War scars this earth and it scars us all in ways many of us will never fully be able to imagine or understand.

War is led by power and control but is stimulated by greed. If we look back in history, the state of a society prior to an epidemic is one that is not prepared to take care of people and their land. We are now in a pandemic, which means the state of this planet is at a place where we cannot keep going the way we have been. It’s now time to bring history, research and science back in front of everyone, so that we can learn how to make better choices in our own lives.

With 2020 feeling like it is essentially going to be canceled I ask, “What better time to start to think about our own life, in order to learn a little bit about why our individuality is so important, then now?”

We are nearing the end of March 2020, and within just two weeks of self-containment recommendations, we are now not only facing a global recession, we are also going through a pandemic that is putting the fragility of life and the need for a balanced work and home life – front and center – for us, not only as Americans, but for all of us as human beings. Our death tolls are rising, and we are seeing this virus impact both the young and healthy and old and frail. Many people have reached out to me to see how I am doing during this time because I am a small business in America that has had my income shut down until further notice. My short answer is, “Thank you for your concern, it truly means a lot to me. I am hopeful that this pandemic and the recession will allow us all to change, adapt, and readjust our American culture and world views.”

You may be wondering what I mean by, “readjust our American culture and world views.” On March 19, 2020 I filmed a live “state-of-address” speech via my YouTube channel. I will admit, the video is not perfect – one, I had never filmed using the YouTube Live feature and have now learned its video and sound quality is not good. Also, this was a brand new speech, but I felt the need to speak urgently, so I was not able to fine-tune my craft, which revealed my slight speech impediment that has never prevented me from being a public speaker- it’s part of my quirk and charm. Also, for the first two minutes of what I wanted to be a serious and heart-felt speech, viewers will notice one of my wool socks in the far-left corner. That sock had been dropped by my cat Newt, prior to me putting him upstairs to keep these types of distractions out of the shot. So, yeah, it’s not perfect, but after reading the rest of this article that I’ve written, feel free to check it out below (just turn on the closed captioning, which I spent over 8 hours crafting).

Going back though to why I am hopeful that this pandemic and the recession will allow us all to change, adapt, and readjust our American culture and world views. I will share that this pandemic has cemented what I have been learning about how a person can take care of one’s self during one’s lifetime in America (since this is where I also live). I’ve been unknowingly researching this through living my own life, and by also intertwining my academic degrees with 15 years of professional experience, serving this nation within the fields of inclusion, diversity and healthcare. As I’ve aged, I’ve been on the search to find ongoing pride in being an American, instead of embarrassment that is full of a lot of apologies to the world. I’ve also worked hard in growing my small business as a speaker and author in the fields of inclusion, diversity and healthcare. I’ve been on a quest to help other people find their own pride, not only in their country but in themselves.

I am an American that believes in the importance of living a life guided by respect for individuality, integrity, honesty, truthfulness, and kind playfulness. I am a small business that works in the fields of inclusion, diversity and healthcare because I know through my own life experiences that we as human beings need to be able to live a balanced life that is free from judgements and assumptions. We need to be able to grow our individuality in this world, in order to figure out and then express who we are as unique human beings who are allowed to live a life that is guided by true morals, principles and values. Meaning, being kind and thoughtful toward one another. We need to remember what it means to be human, so that we can learn from our mistakes and past actions, in order to improve ourselves, our lives and our relationships. 

To begin doing this, it is my professional recommendation for this country to put focus, value and resources toward trauma-informed care and public health, in order to build healthy communities and relationships that we all desperately need and want. 

I realize now, that my work has been operating under the confines of human sexuality and eating disorders, but what I really do is teach and show people how to heal from trauma. And right now, there are a lot of people experiencing a very disrupted life, where they do not feel like they are in control, or that their life is truly their own. The more people we lose to this virus, young and old, the even more real our individual life and its unknown but eventual expiration date becomes. I have been aware of my own life from a very young age, and I’ve been fighting ever since to figure out how to share with all of you how important we all are on this planet. I have been going through a rebrand with my new-found understandings of the impact of abuse and trauma, and I am now planning a lifetime’s worth of articles, books, videos, and personal stories to help all who find comfort in me and my work.

Consider this the beginning of a new era, and an introduction to the work I will be bringing to the table in this next decade. My books and professional articles will be popping up in 2021, but in the meantime, I’ll share a little bit via my blog.

Consider this part 1 of an undetermined length series.

A Love Letter to the World: As Told by This American's Life



Recent Posts

Finding Life and Meaning After A Global Pandemic and Economic Downturn in America


A Review of Ryan’s New Book, Transforming Manhood


2018 Year In Review


Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR)


Enhancing LGBTQ Workplace Inclusion During the Trump Administration

The post Finding Life and Meaning After A Global Pandemic and Economic Downturn in America appeared first on RyanSallans.com.

To read Ryan Sallans’ new memoir, Transforming Manhood: A
Trans Man’s Quest to Build Bridges and Knock Down Walls, is to understand
what it is to be a transgender man of Generation X, an activist sandwiched
between the legendary (and, more often now, deceased) pioneers of the Baby
Boomer generation and the Millennials. Does it matter? Most certainly.

Sallans expertly navigates what it means to be a 40-year-old
today in a gender diverse community that’s so amorphous and rapidly changing
that even highly visible trans activists can feel as though they’ve fallen out
of favor, like shoulder pads and “Just Say No” billboards.

Sallans explores how language we use to define ourselves is
constantly evolving; for trans folks today, that means a term of self-identity
hard won just a couple decades prior (like transsexual) could be considered
today’s slur. Even if it’s still the word you used when coming out, even if the
sight of a rabble rousing “Transexual Menace” jacket today fills you with both
pride and awe at how far we’ve come and the lives it took to get here.

While Gen Z is the group today most likely to identify as
non-binary, gender diverse, or transgender, they too are redefining what those words
mean and the social hierarchy in which they sit. And this hits Sallans a bit
hard at times.

The author, who spent his adolescence battling self-esteem
issues and an eating disorder (not realizing there were gender issues at the
root), identified as a lesbian when he came out in the early 2000s. Later, the
author realized he was a transgender man (hat tip to Loren Cameron, one of those
Baby Boomer pioneers). That helped Sallans explain the variety of body issues
he had battled and put his life in greater context. And though he was a
feminist already (working at Planned Parenthood) and an LGBTQ activist, coming
out as trans led him to speak about his own experiences at schools and
colleges, conferences, LGBT community leaders, and businesses across the
country. His first autobiography, Second Son, documented that process
nearly a decade ago.

But in this new tome, Sallans is both steadfast and
explorative, processing what activism and visibility mean today, from the shock
of social media challengers to the changing priorities of gender diverse youth.
When he’s questioned for being too binary (presumably because from a photo he
can pass for a cisgender man), Sallans is alarmed. Not because he doesn’t want
to elevate all trans and non-binary issues, but because after more than a
decade of speaking tirelessly everywhere he’s been asked, living out as a trans
man both digitally and in his home state of Nebraska (the Midwest hardly being a
gender melting pot), and of working with (and serving as vice president of) the
Jim Collins Foundation (a non-profit that helps trans people get
gender-affirming treatment), Sallans worries that some think his voice no
longer matters.

Sadly, that’s a churn any LGBTQ activist over 35 knows well.
While we all know older, even senior, activists today that we still revere, the
trans and queer movements are still youth-driven and what is de rigueur one
moment is outdated the next. Sallans is just the latest to ride that wave and
while entering middle age, question what it means.

That he does so with gracious aplomb while still offering a
new vision for the future, is what sets Transforming Manhood apart as a
must-read. Sallans falls in love and deals with sometimes mundane relationship
issues, but he’s at his best while pleading with his own community to end
acrimony and division, to be kind to one another, arguing that while 40% of
trans people in one NTCE survey have attempted suicide at least once in their
lives, supportive people can stop that. He makes a cognizant argument that the
trans community is the only one that can inherently understand the struggles of
trans people without them having to be explained. He says this as a Midwestern
boy, chagrined at online bullying he sees and experiences.

But make no mistake, though he discusses love and loss, that
terrifying stalker, of heckling and heartbreak and a high school reunion that surprises
everyone, in Transforming Manhood, Sallans is mostly confronting his own
legacy and his own death. While he confronts new fears (of saying or doing
something that’s no longer politically woke), Sallans reflects on his trans heroes,
those who influenced him greatly but whose names are a mystery to kids today.
He wonders how long it will be —five years? ten years?—before nobody recognizes
his name anymore as well.

Sallans doesn’t answer all the questions with Transforming Manhood. But he asks good ones, largely to himself but also to others his age (trans or not) that are undergoing the biggest transition of all. That dive into his own mortality will likely take him on a whole other ride, as bumpy and exhilarating as coming out did years ago. I’m thinking there will still be plenty of people who want to hear about it.

Diane Anderson-Minshall
Editorial Director of The Advocate
Author of Queerly Beloved: A Love Story Across Genders and four novels

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