Paul Van Der Merwe's Blog: Make Happiness Happen!
July 17, 2016
Everybody Eats and Works to be Happy
Being happy is not important to us. It is extremely important.
In fact, being happy is so important to us, that we pursue it through every single thing we do, through everything we have ever done, and through everything we will ever do.
You're Kidding Me, Right?
No, I'm not! There are two approaches to being happy, but we're aware of only one.
The Direct Approach to Being Happy
Sometimes we pursue happiness directly. We watch a movie or go on holiday because doing these things makes us happy - directly. We expect happiness as the outcome.
The Idirect Approach to Being Happy
Most of the happiness we pursue in life, is done so indirectly or subconsciously.
We do these type of things not because they make us happy, but we do them to avoid unhappiness. If we can avoid unhappiness, we can only be left with happiness or contentment - at least that is how we reason subconsciously.
But I Don't Eat or Work to be Happy?
Yes, you do!
When you are hungry, you are unhappy. You then eat to still the hunger, because by stilling the hunger you make the associated unhappiness go away. You are actually eating to move from your unhappy state (hungry) to a happy one (hunger stilled).
You therefore eat to be happy.
Similarly, you are unhappy when you don't have money. You then work to earn money so you can eradicate the unhappiness associated with not having money.
By eradicating the unhappiness (no money), you are moving toward happiness (have money).
You therefore work to be happy.
People not working for the money are also pursuing happiness. However, they pursue it more directly. The love for what they do, or the feeling of giving without compensation, gives them a kick, and that is what makes them happy.
Since everything we do is in pursuit of happiness, one would expect society to focus a lot more on understanding this emotion. After all, that is ultimately the reason for everything we do?
Society Makes Happiness an If-Then Emotion
Rather than teaching us how happiness works, society presents us with stepping-stones on the road to happiness, such as: if you study this, you will get that job, and then you will be happy.
If you own this, you will impress your friends, and then you will be happy.
If you eat healthy and exercise regularly, you will lose those pounds, and then you will be happy.
These if-then stepping-stones do give us a shot at some happiness, but they do not help us understand happiness. We need to understand happiness, and not the stepping-stones, if we want to make happiness happen for ourselves.
If we don't understand how happiness works, our happiness will always be dependant on achieving something, or buying something before we allow ourselves to be happy.
How sad is that, and how much happiness are we missing out on with this approach!
Happiness is a complex puzzle. Every chapter of Lucky Go Happy : Make Happiness Happen! covers a piece of that puzzle and provides insights into the workings of happiness.
Lucky Go Happy : Make Happiness Happen! will make you understand happiness, so you can make happiness happen for yourself, and for those around you.
Paul Van Der Merwe is the author of Lucky Go Happy : Make Happiness Happen!
Lucky Go Happy : Make Happiness Happen! now available at:
Amazon : my link text
Smashwords : my link text
In fact, being happy is so important to us, that we pursue it through every single thing we do, through everything we have ever done, and through everything we will ever do.
You're Kidding Me, Right?
No, I'm not! There are two approaches to being happy, but we're aware of only one.
The Direct Approach to Being Happy
Sometimes we pursue happiness directly. We watch a movie or go on holiday because doing these things makes us happy - directly. We expect happiness as the outcome.
The Idirect Approach to Being Happy
Most of the happiness we pursue in life, is done so indirectly or subconsciously.
We do these type of things not because they make us happy, but we do them to avoid unhappiness. If we can avoid unhappiness, we can only be left with happiness or contentment - at least that is how we reason subconsciously.
But I Don't Eat or Work to be Happy?
Yes, you do!
When you are hungry, you are unhappy. You then eat to still the hunger, because by stilling the hunger you make the associated unhappiness go away. You are actually eating to move from your unhappy state (hungry) to a happy one (hunger stilled).
You therefore eat to be happy.
Similarly, you are unhappy when you don't have money. You then work to earn money so you can eradicate the unhappiness associated with not having money.
By eradicating the unhappiness (no money), you are moving toward happiness (have money).
You therefore work to be happy.
People not working for the money are also pursuing happiness. However, they pursue it more directly. The love for what they do, or the feeling of giving without compensation, gives them a kick, and that is what makes them happy.
Since everything we do is in pursuit of happiness, one would expect society to focus a lot more on understanding this emotion. After all, that is ultimately the reason for everything we do?
Society Makes Happiness an If-Then Emotion
Rather than teaching us how happiness works, society presents us with stepping-stones on the road to happiness, such as: if you study this, you will get that job, and then you will be happy.
If you own this, you will impress your friends, and then you will be happy.
If you eat healthy and exercise regularly, you will lose those pounds, and then you will be happy.
These if-then stepping-stones do give us a shot at some happiness, but they do not help us understand happiness. We need to understand happiness, and not the stepping-stones, if we want to make happiness happen for ourselves.
If we don't understand how happiness works, our happiness will always be dependant on achieving something, or buying something before we allow ourselves to be happy.
How sad is that, and how much happiness are we missing out on with this approach!
Happiness is a complex puzzle. Every chapter of Lucky Go Happy : Make Happiness Happen! covers a piece of that puzzle and provides insights into the workings of happiness.
Lucky Go Happy : Make Happiness Happen! will make you understand happiness, so you can make happiness happen for yourself, and for those around you.
Paul Van Der Merwe is the author of Lucky Go Happy : Make Happiness Happen!
Lucky Go Happy : Make Happiness Happen! now available at:
Amazon : my link text
Smashwords : my link text
July 3, 2015
The Key to Happiness - A Regular Dose of Unhappiness
Most people would argue that happiness is much more important than being unhappy.
Is that really the case?
You won’t find books with titles such as 10 Easy Steps towards an Unhappier Life, or More Unhappiness: A Practical Guide towards a Sadder You (and if you do happen to find these books, I bet they’re not selling that well)
When you Google the word “happy” there is an astounding 2,7 billion results. Searching for “unhappiness” only yields around 80 million results.
Society clearly has much more interest in happiness than it has in unhappiness, but does that make unhappiness any less important?
No, it doesn’t!
Being unhappy is not important; it is extremely important and also absolutely essential!
Confused? Let me explain.
It’s All Relative
Close your eyes and imagine…actually don’t close them, otherwise you can’t read any further, so just imagine then, that every place on earth has the same temperature. In this world, the words hot and cold have no meaning, because, after all, everything has the same temperature.
Suppose then the temperature in the Arctic decreases while remaining the same everywhere else. Now, and only now, can we refer to the Arctic region as being cold. Why is this? Because now, and only now, is the rest of the globe relatively warmer than the Arctic region.
The temperature imbalance was first required to give meaning to the words hot and cold. Cold, being the one extreme, only found meaning once the other extreme of warmth found its meaning. The one extreme can’t exist without the other.
Happiness and unhappiness is certainly no different. Happiness after all is an extreme emotion, with unhappiness being the other extreme. Happiness only exists because unhappiness exists. It’s therefore essential to be unhappy at times so we can be happy during other times.
Still not convinced?
We’re all 55 Years Old
Let’s suppose that every single person on earth is 55 years old. In this make-believe world, people are neither young, nor old because everyone has the exact same age. The words young and old have absolutely no meaning in this world because every single person is 55 years old.
The arrival of a 15 year old alien will bring about the change. As soon as he lands on earth, an imbalance is created, giving meaning to the words young and old. Now, and only now, that someone (or is that something) younger than everyone else exists, can the words young and old have their meaning.
The people who are 55 were never old. Only after the arrival of the 15 year old extreme can they be referred to as old. The arrival of the 15 year old has given meaning to the words young and old. The one extreme exists, only because the other extreme exists.
Similarly, unhappiness has to exist for happiness to exist. If you’ve never been unhappy in your life, then what will your mind compare against in deciding whether a current emotion is a happy, or an unhappy one? It’s all relative and unhappiness is essential in making this relative comparison possible.
If you’re still not convinced, then…I give up! Well, maybe not just yet, so let me try another analogy.
The Poor make The Rich (or is it the other way round?)
Why are people rich? Sure, they work hard, but the word rich is a relative concept. A rich person may be someone who is worth $100 million, $10 million or someone who is worth only $1 million.
In some developing countries, a person who is worth only $10 000 could be considered rich. Why is this? People are deemed rich because they have more money compared to those around them, and not because of the actual sum of money that they have.
Rich people therefore exist only because poor people exist around them. The one extreme can only exist because the other exists.
It is crucial for us to experience unhappiness in establishing benchmarks against which we can compare our current-day emotions. If unhappiness does not appear in our past, we will have a skewed benchmark against which our minds compare the emotions we experience today.
Happy Meal
A person, who has had enough to eat throughout his life, will not be struck with happiness when presented with a plate of food, simply because he has never experienced the unhappiness associated with being hungry. To him it will be just another meal.
A person who has faced starvation on the other hand, has experienced unhappiness because of his lack of food. When this person is presented with the same plate of food, he will be overjoyed. His happiness results from the unhappiness of not having had enough to eat in his past.
Unhappiness plays a vital role in life. In fact, it is absolutely essential for us to know unhappiness, if we ever want to know happiness. Without unhappiness, there will not be happiness; only a dull and monotonous journey filled with mediocrity.
My advice?
Enjoy the happy moments when they come. Don’t be perturbed however when you are unhappy; it’s a necessary and essential part of life.
Paul van der Merwe is the author of the book Lucky Go Happy : Make Happiness Happen!
Is that really the case?
You won’t find books with titles such as 10 Easy Steps towards an Unhappier Life, or More Unhappiness: A Practical Guide towards a Sadder You (and if you do happen to find these books, I bet they’re not selling that well)
When you Google the word “happy” there is an astounding 2,7 billion results. Searching for “unhappiness” only yields around 80 million results.
Society clearly has much more interest in happiness than it has in unhappiness, but does that make unhappiness any less important?
No, it doesn’t!
Being unhappy is not important; it is extremely important and also absolutely essential!
Confused? Let me explain.
It’s All Relative
Close your eyes and imagine…actually don’t close them, otherwise you can’t read any further, so just imagine then, that every place on earth has the same temperature. In this world, the words hot and cold have no meaning, because, after all, everything has the same temperature.
Suppose then the temperature in the Arctic decreases while remaining the same everywhere else. Now, and only now, can we refer to the Arctic region as being cold. Why is this? Because now, and only now, is the rest of the globe relatively warmer than the Arctic region.
The temperature imbalance was first required to give meaning to the words hot and cold. Cold, being the one extreme, only found meaning once the other extreme of warmth found its meaning. The one extreme can’t exist without the other.
Happiness and unhappiness is certainly no different. Happiness after all is an extreme emotion, with unhappiness being the other extreme. Happiness only exists because unhappiness exists. It’s therefore essential to be unhappy at times so we can be happy during other times.
Still not convinced?
We’re all 55 Years Old
Let’s suppose that every single person on earth is 55 years old. In this make-believe world, people are neither young, nor old because everyone has the exact same age. The words young and old have absolutely no meaning in this world because every single person is 55 years old.
The arrival of a 15 year old alien will bring about the change. As soon as he lands on earth, an imbalance is created, giving meaning to the words young and old. Now, and only now, that someone (or is that something) younger than everyone else exists, can the words young and old have their meaning.
The people who are 55 were never old. Only after the arrival of the 15 year old extreme can they be referred to as old. The arrival of the 15 year old has given meaning to the words young and old. The one extreme exists, only because the other extreme exists.
Similarly, unhappiness has to exist for happiness to exist. If you’ve never been unhappy in your life, then what will your mind compare against in deciding whether a current emotion is a happy, or an unhappy one? It’s all relative and unhappiness is essential in making this relative comparison possible.
If you’re still not convinced, then…I give up! Well, maybe not just yet, so let me try another analogy.
The Poor make The Rich (or is it the other way round?)
Why are people rich? Sure, they work hard, but the word rich is a relative concept. A rich person may be someone who is worth $100 million, $10 million or someone who is worth only $1 million.
In some developing countries, a person who is worth only $10 000 could be considered rich. Why is this? People are deemed rich because they have more money compared to those around them, and not because of the actual sum of money that they have.
Rich people therefore exist only because poor people exist around them. The one extreme can only exist because the other exists.
It is crucial for us to experience unhappiness in establishing benchmarks against which we can compare our current-day emotions. If unhappiness does not appear in our past, we will have a skewed benchmark against which our minds compare the emotions we experience today.
Happy Meal
A person, who has had enough to eat throughout his life, will not be struck with happiness when presented with a plate of food, simply because he has never experienced the unhappiness associated with being hungry. To him it will be just another meal.
A person who has faced starvation on the other hand, has experienced unhappiness because of his lack of food. When this person is presented with the same plate of food, he will be overjoyed. His happiness results from the unhappiness of not having had enough to eat in his past.
Unhappiness plays a vital role in life. In fact, it is absolutely essential for us to know unhappiness, if we ever want to know happiness. Without unhappiness, there will not be happiness; only a dull and monotonous journey filled with mediocrity.
My advice?
Enjoy the happy moments when they come. Don’t be perturbed however when you are unhappy; it’s a necessary and essential part of life.
Paul van der Merwe is the author of the book Lucky Go Happy : Make Happiness Happen!
