Amara Alexander's Blog

I have been reflecting on the sex in my books and I worry about the amount that I have placed in them. I delicately contemplate each sex scene and ask myself if it’s really necessary. Every sex scene is carefully assessed. Either it has a plot purpose, a relationship purpose or it is used to shock and push boundaries. I ask myself these questions because I don’t want to branch too far over into romance/erotic novel genre. My books are first and foremost Gothic Horror.


So, then we must define Gothic Horror. Horror is intense, overwhelming, painful feelings caused by frightful, shocking, terrifying, revolting, shuddering events. Horror novels are then anything that induces this experience. Gothic is a subgenre of horror characterized by gloomy, grotesque, macabre, morbid and often times supernatural elements. Gothic was actually born of both romantic literature and horror. Fairytales such as Grimm’s often times have the flavor of Gothic horror as well. The style slowly developed from these early elements of romance and macabre fairytales throughout the Victorian era. Romance bloomed from courtship tales of the Medieval period. These stories always focus on the relationships in the story while other elements of the plot take a backseat. Though now are typically very everyday normal type stories where there usually is unexpected love, romance of the earlier type were peppered with heroic deeds, chivalry, adventure and courtship that usually had a mythical bent.
Gothic horror blends the deepest shocking fears of the horror genre with the romantic relationships of the characters such as in the romance genre. The most infamous tale would be Bram Stoker’s Dracula where the terror of the monstrous vampire is mixed with the elements of romance between John Harker and Mina. Also, there’s the element of seduction of the vampire himself.
This brings us to erotica. In the Victorian era sex was even more taboo than it is today. Sex had to alluded to, disguised, played with analogies and hidden between the lines. Sex was also sinful and frightening which made it easy to merge with Gothic Horror. The element of the forbidden, the taboo of desire, the titillation of fright all blend easily together in the gothic genre. Erotica is any work that focuses on the sexual relations of the characters to titillate the reader. The sex acts are detailed, sensual, revealing and seductive to arouse the reader sexually.
So, with that being said, I have taken the time to be careful when bleeding into the different genres. My tales seem to draw from numerous elements including myth, old medieval style romance, fantasy, mythology and even some fight scenes that breathe some action into the story. When expressing so many elements it’d be all too easy to leave the gothic element out all together. So, then each and every scene has to be assessed for the crux, the point, the aura. One cannot allow the relationships to overshadow the macabre. The sex though is at times lengthy and focused on, cannot be the point of the story. The sex and the relationships have to be surrounded by gloomy darkness. Shadow, fear, melancholy and morbidity have to weave the story together. The story has to have a sense of dread and creepiness that keeps suspense and shock at each unexpected turn. Another aspect to writing about sex is the influence of American culture. America has a very tumultuous relationship with sex going back to the times of the Puritans. Christianity has dubbed sex as evil, sinful, shameful, disgusting and only necessary for procreation. This bleeds over into all aspects of American sexuality. Also, patriarchic culture tells us that sex is for men. Women don’t enjoy sex and merely endure it out of duty to the man. We are objectified for men’s sexual pleasure. Rape culture also equate sex and violence. The worse the woman is treated, the more she is demeaned, the better. Movie ratings in the US are harsher on sex and nudity than violence and disturbing content. Gods forbid if a woman has an orgasm on screen, but I can’t count the times I’ve seen violent and graphic rape scenes on television. It’s okay to watch a woman be violated, but when they wanted to show a little cunnilingus in The Notebook it was an issue.     My own path with sexuality has been to rid myself of all these notions. I own my sexuality. Nudity and sexuality can also be very separate despite what the broader culture tends to think. My path began as being raised with a feminist bent. Even though my mother’s sexuality was based on what she was taught in the church and the patriarchic ideas at home, she still had other very feminist ideas that planted seeds in me. From there, I discovered Wicca which embraces the feminine, nudity and sexuality. This helped me to heal the wounds created by patriarchy and Christianity. I have a vibrant and exciting sex life which reflects in my writing. However, I have experienced rape and sexual abuse in the past which also reflected in my writing as well. My writing displays some ideas and concepts from the broader culture on purpose, but for the most part is more of a reflection of my own empowering view of sexuality. The women are on equal ground with the men. They enjoy their sexuality and are empowered by it. They do not play a passive role. Sex, whether for love or just fun is viewed mostly in a positive way.
I have written some pretty graphic rape scenes in the second and third books in the series. These are valid in the greater context of what my book says about society. It was cathartic and writing about the aftermath was also therapeutic. I wanted it to be from a different perspective than what one might think unless they have been victimized. Also, I flipped the script which I don’t want to give away to show something very different. However, I wanted it to be as realistic as possible so people can really understand what something like this is really like. It fits neatly into the storyline and to the horrific atmosphere because what is more horrifying than such a violation. The struggles of the characters involved show a terrifying reality mixed with the supernatural that is relatable to too many people. It is frightening just to think about and I made sure it would be through the eyes of the victim unlike a lot of the books material. We think of the vampires, witches, werewolves, etc as the monsters, the villains. I write from their perspective. However, on this one, I wanted it to be through the eyes of the victim to make sure it would bring about the feelings and understanding I was aiming for.
Though there is some horrifying rape scenes, most of the sex as I said before is written from a very different and positive viewpoint which is where I’m at in my life. The sex is typically an expression of the love between characters, a part of the development of those relationships or just a really good time. I do try to push the boundaries of our cultural norms and make some people who are unlike myself either uncomfortable with the material or uncomfortable with themselves for enjoying the material and maybe even open up a view minds in the context of sexuality. Most of these things don’t seem taboo to me, but to the broader culture are.

 

 On top of all of this, I have written my vampires to be extremely sexual creatures. I broke them down to base instincts, to feed and to fuck. At first they can’t even control it. They have to learn to hone their skills to master their desires. They are driven by these forces to the point of despair. I had decided this based on research into the history of vampirism. There is a very old and strong connection between sex and death when it comes to vampire lore. I thought it was all to fitting to write these monsters in this way. Besides, there is very little more frightening than the thought of complete loss of control of oneself. So, my vampires of course have plenty of sex and end up being too much of a focal point. I have to make sure that it does not. The sex has to be seen as a driving force of the plot. Their sex drives overcome them and we have to watch them tame the urge. It interrupts plans, creates plot twists, drives drama between the characters and even brings some humor into the midst of the dreariness and trepidation.
 However, it goes back to my main goal. I want each sex scene to be something to develop the plot but not be the plot itself. In dime story romance novels and erotica the main focus is on the sex. We want to be turned on because it’s pretty much porn. We as delicate little women folk in a society of patriarchic misogyny believe we should hide our sexualities and so therefore we pretend the porn we read isn’t porn, but it is. We need to be able to say, “hey, I enjoy sex. I’m a woman and I enjoy reading about sex. I enjoy watching hot scenes in movies and shows. I get turned on by this stuff,” and not be embarrassed about it. However, this is the rub. A lot of the garbage out there is just as stereotyped and disempowering as gonzo porn. Women often take a weak roll and the man is overhyped alpha manliness who storms through the door and just fucking takes her. She swoons. Oh no, it’s just so overwhelming. Oh the rush, the surge because of his manly thrusting. Blah, blah, blah. I think most of these people who write this awful shit have never even had any good sex in their lives.
There are people who would rather skip my sex scenes and just read about the horror and the violence. To these people, I really question your point of view on life that you enjoy violence and hide your face during sex and nudity. Those sex scenes are important in my books. They don’t make my book primarily erotica and we as a society need to move forward and be more progressive when dealing with the subject of sex if we want to move forward with our views on women and the LGBT community as well. These outmoded views directly effect the way we treat women and LGBT in our society. They reek of white male privilege and disgust me. So, if you don’t want to read about wonderful sex then you’ve come to the wrong place. Though my novels are gothic horror, they are full of sexual activities to the detail and some of it is taboo for the broader society. People should enjoy sex and celebrate sex. The body is a sacred temple. Enjoy your body as well as your soul. The world would be a much happier place if sex was seen as something more positive (my opinion).

   

I always start by saying this is my opinion and not as much about facts. Opinions change. As I grow my view point on life with change. This is about my journey.

So, this is the next segment on my journey of self discovery. What I want to discuss is how my views of my attraction to genitalia and gender roles has changed and I am happy about the transformation. One more step toward complete acceptance and freedom from societal restrictions. So, you may be wondering what changed.

When I don’t understand something it bothers me. That’s just the kind of person I am. I don’t have any close trans friends, but I feel it is important to understand anything outside of your norm. First, I looked it up and read and read and read. I watched documentaries (I’ve been doing that for years though.). Then, I made an online friend who just so happened to be trans. She is such a wonderful person that she allowed me to ask any question that I wanted to. This was truly an exciting and wonderful experience. She introduced me to another trans friend who then allowed me to ask questions. I love people who are so open and comfortable that they allow you to ask questions. I am so ridiculously outside the norm that I get tons of questions myself and I love it because how else is someone supposed to learn? So, I asked away.

Then, one day I was thinking about my experience as a bisexual and how I loved boys without knowing what things looked like in their pants. I went years without ever seeing one. I mean I was fifteen. When I finally did see one it scared the ever living piss out of me. I still loved boys nonetheless. It was very different with girls. I was taught that sex was only penetrative and I was never taught anything about labia or the clitoris. It was something you don’t touch and you just ignored unless you were on your period. I was taught that masturbation was bad. Well, I loved women and I thought they were beautiful, but I had to get over the stigma of the vulva and really the vagina all together. I had to become intimate with my own and this was the first steps on the journey to truly understand my sexuality.



So, if I loved men and women despite what was in their pants then what was the difference if we mixed genitalia up with gender? Nothing whatsoever. It’s not that I ever thought it was ugly, but I was never aroused by the aesthetics. I realized that it’s because I have been culturally led to understand genitalia in a certain way. I have been taught all my life that girl’s have vaginas and boy’s have penises. I now understand that like getting used to genitalia all together and getting used to what boys have and what girls have, I just needed to get used to it being reversed.

I have always been the type of person to fall in love with a person for who they are. I am actually turned off by rigid gender rolls and even people who look to suit them. I like flexibility and I have always understood things on a scale rather in boxes of opposites. So, this was just one more step toward understanding cultural and societal norms and how I never can quite fit them. This is just one more thing for me to accept to help me throw conformity out the window. Society is wrong on a lot of things and gender is just another one of those things.

I will say it again at the opening of this blog. This is my personal journey. It’s a journey and not a hard set understanding of the world. My views I’m sure will change over time. Since accepting my sexuality, my views have already changed. Even accepting my sexuality denotes a change in worldview.
  So, first off, I’ve noticed that other women have the hardest time understanding and accepting that I’m bi and are the ones to make me feel the most uncomfortable especially if they verbalize traits of being bisexual without wanting to say that they are. However, there have been a few problems with men I know. One man was okay with his fuck buddy rubbing on me when he thought it was a show for him, but soon changed his mind when he realized she is actually into girls. After that conversation, she now denies even being attracted to other women. I’ve only had my sexuality questioned twice, which is good since that seems to be a big problem in the bi community.
 So, since I am just coming to terms with my sexuality and I’m trying to understand it, I tried attending a meeting of a local bi group. I was sorely disappointed. There were only two other people at the meeting. Where are all my bisexuals? I live in a major city with a large LGBTQ presence. We are not well represented in the community nor in mainstream society, we have the highest rates of suicide and being domestic violence victims than the L or the G in LGBT. So, we need to support each other yet there is no real sense of community. We make up 46.5% of LGBT (as reported by the William Institute in 2011). Did you hear me? That’s fucking 46.5%! So, why aren’t we out there supporting each other? However, I will say that I was relieved of finding support and being able to ask questions of real life people and to have bisexual discussions with bisexual people for once! The next thing I learned was that there isn’t a difference between bi and pan. In my original blog about being bi, I stated that bi and pan were two different things. They are not. Being bi means that you can fall anywhere on the scale between attraction to one gender or another and that you just like what you like. Bisexuality was defined a very long time ago in the Victorian era so it’s not like at that time there was a ton of understanding of how that pertains to gender which can be just as complicated and varied as sexuality. Therefore, the term bisexual was invented to describe these people with sexual attraction to more than one gender.
 
The term pansexual was first used in the early 1900’s in psychology to describe the belief that everything humans do, all their activities and beliefs revolve around sexual urges and sexual instincts. This specifically pertains to Freud who broke down every psychological problem to the root of sexual desires and instincts. This is why Freud is so famous for saying that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar because to Freud’s mode of therapy, a cigar would be a phallic symbol. I had a difficult time finding out when the term went from being used this way to being used as meaning a person attracted to all genders. There was a blog that really changed my view on what all of this meant. This was a blog posted in February on wordpress called the Radical Bi written by a transgendered person. http://radicalbi.wordpress.com/2011/02/22/words-binary-and-biphobia-or-why-bi-is-binary-but-ftm-is-not/ “Apparently the first people to make this binary claim were not at all trans people, but one gay male and one straight female (gay-male-identified) academics. I mean, of course, Eve Kosofski-Sedgwick and Lee Edelman (separately). I could only find a quote of Edelman. Here is what he says in his 1994 book “Homographies”:
[...] the hetero/homo binarism (a binarism more effectively reinforced, than disrupted by the “third term” of bisexuality) (I guess we’re not worth more than brackets, huh?)
Sedgwick said something, to the same extent, at around the same time.
So, apparently the transgender community didn’t make this up at all, but took this from the proverbial Academe. I don’t mention this to mock the transgender community, but rather to point out standpoints within this debate. To say that the stance on bisexuality as binary has been initiated, it appears, by an academic gay white cisman and an academic straight white ciswoman is to say that these people had a political and academic interest in the elimination of bisexuality from their theory and studies.”
 So, is there cissexism/binarism in the bi community? Well, I’d be a liar if I said no. Of course there is because there is in the lesbian community, in the gay community and in the mainstream society at large. There is a lot of Tran phobic people out there and therefore the bi community is not exempt. However, does our very existence create binarism? Does being bisexual exclude transgender? Hell no. It simply means that I fall somewhere in between the heteronomative/homonormative and I could have any variety of taste in between these two. If I’m a bi person that is not sexually attracted to transsexuals does this mean I’m transphobic? Well, are all heterosexuals homophobic because they’re not attracted to the same sex? Are all homosexuals heterophobic because they are not attracted to the opposite sex? Hell no. That doesn’t even make any sense. So stop declaring that bisexuals are all transphobic and create a binary between genders.
    As a bi person that has recently come to terms with her sexuality, I have really given deep thought and time of introspection to figure out what that means to me and exactly what I am and am not attracted to. I have yet to have any sexual attraction to any transsexual that I have seen. I guess this doesn’t really mean that I never will. Who could say that about anything? I really do believe never say never. Also, I do know that I could be romantically attracted to a transsexual because I’m a passionate person and love people passionately for who they are. I tend to have very intimate relationships with people and have strong emotions for them when they are close to me. So, I know I could fall in love with a transsexual. Who knows, maybe that’s when I would then become sexually attracted, after I fell for that person. However, I am definitely not transphobic for I do not think of transpeople in any negative way. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being trans and would proudly stand beside a trans as friend, family, etc and support them fully and publicly without hesitation. As a part of the LGBTQ community I think cohesion and support of each other is the key and the most important thing. We should not be divisive.  

If you really aren’t stalking me then why are you reading my blog? I also am sure that you have already created another facebook account so that you can see my page since you are blocked from it. :p I honestly haven’t tried to look at your page or contact you in anyway, yet you keep contacting me like on here anonymously and on my facebook and commenting on my shit on my amazon and my goodreads, creating multiple accounts and using your teenage sister’s to continue to do so. If you aren’t obsessed and aren’t stalking me, you sure are watching me with a microscope. I have tried to cut ties and go my own way. It’s you that keeps clinging on. You hate that I have finished my book, have someone to edit it, have someone to make a book cover for it, have someone to help me make advertisements and a website. Where’s your book? Do you have a publisher for it since that’s so important to you? When you do then you really have something to say. Until then, keep on envying what I have done. I don’t care to get negative feedback and I’m sure that I will. There will be plenty of people to not like me and not like my work. I have thought about trying to get a publisher. I am fine on my own, but it may be a goal for me in the future. You wouldn’t know that though because I don’t talk to you. I can take criticism. I just can’t stand a bully who lies and says they bought my book when they didn’t. I can’t stand it when someone writes something snarky because they are lashing out angrily because I don’t want to be their friend anymore. I can’t stand it someone who is trying to hurt what I have worked so hard on because they envy me because they can’t put the same amount of time and effort into their own life and their own works and have no follow through and they have no real friends. I can’t stand it when someone forgets that I have dealt with being bullied and been a victim of passive agressive crazy ass behavior in the past from multiple people and I don’t stand down and I don’t give up and beat myself up because they are trying to tear me down. I would never do these things to someone else because it is petty and childish. Grow the fuck up. Get a life. Move the fuck on. Go write your own damn book. Unlike you, I won’t interfere with my biased opinions and nasty attitude based on our past conflicts. In fact, good luck with it. Just leave me the fuck alone. I don’t want you to be a part of my life. I don’t care about what you are doing, what you think or what you have to say. I am no longer a friend. I don’t give a damn. Just walk away while you still have some dignity left.

PS Pointing out the fact that I’m goth, that just proves my point. You are being personal and petty. Also, yeah, like making fun of goth people hasn’t happened before. That’s original.

PSS It doesn't make it more valid that you are quoting from my book to justify your review. You personally despise me because you were so caught up in me that my walking away hurt you deeply. You can't do an honest review, an objective review of something when you are this hurt by the person who wrote it. You can't so stop trying to prove that you can. You having a 4-5 year realtionship with me that ended terribly means that you are too involved personally to be objective. It's not going to prove your point. Again, you made multiple personas to dig back into my life. You can't do that then say that you have a valid, unbiased, objective opinion of anything I write. Also, you are not a horror fan. You know nothing about the genre. You were frightened by the Mothman saying that there was chapstick in Richard Gear's shoe. Stop acting like you are an expert on the subject. You like Twilight and The Sookie Stackhouse series. You know nothing about writing. What writing and literature classes have you taken? That's right. None. You are crazy, obsessed and stalking me. You can't stop posting about my book and about me. You are lashing out because of the hatred and spite you hold so closely to your heart. It's pathetic. Grow up, move on and live your own life.

In my books, polytheism is at the forefront. I am an eclectic Wiccan and I love to study other religions, so it became a theme in my writing. I used to be monotheistic as I was raised in a very fundamentalist Christian home. However, I now do not understand the world in that context anymore. So, all of my mythical creatures in my stories have a base from pagan traditions instead of Christian ones. I tried to follow the clues and hints through research to the original sources of the creatures I adapted. This meant that I followed them back to the original pagan source as best I could. So, most creatures are not just pagan in nature, but many of them have pagan beliefs. Also, most of my main character vampires are extremely old and have pagan beliefs they carried over from their former human lives.

Pagans saw the world very differently than our monotheistic cultures, and those who practice neopaganism revive those roots and attempt to change their worldview to fit in with the views of their pagan ancestors. So, I have come to realize that many people who may read my book may not understand these ancient concepts and continue to read the book through the eyes of the broader monotheistic societal views. They will look at certain spirits, deities and beings as being evil no matter what happens in the book. So, I wanted to write this blog to explain the differences so that those who have not had much exposure to polytheism and paganism may understand the concepts better.


First off, monotheism places everything that exists under the rein of one deity. Therefore, it can cause a contradiction and strict moral codes to worship such a deity. In polytheism each deity plays a different role. These roles can be vastly different from each other. However, these deities are very consistent with their nature and with what they require from followers. The contradictions lie within the desires and natures of one deity in comparison to another. So, how does one appease one deity without upsetting another? Balance. Pagans believe in a balance in life and between energies and forces. Too much of any one thing is not necessarily a good thing. This website explains this very well:
http://education-portal.com/academy/lesson/whats-the-difference-between-polytheism-and-monotheism.html
The idea of animism is a predominant feature of most pagan/polytheistic religions. Animism is the belief that objects, specifically natural ones, but can include manmade, have a spirit. In many traditions even places have their own spirit. An example of place spirits is household deities such as lares, cofgodas and brownies, and deities of wells, springs, grottos and meadows. A popular example would be the Lady of the Lake. There are many fairy and other spirit creatures that represent the same concept such as nymphs, satyrs, neiads, vaetirr, wights, green man, and other fairy creatures. For more info on animism check out this website:
http://www.themystica.com/mystica/articles/a/animism.htm
The other difference between monotheism, Christianity specifically and polytheism is the concept of sin and evil. There is no strict view of good vs. evil in polytheism. There are some exceptions such as Set being referred to as the evil god in Egyptian religion and devil like beings that are malevolent in various religions. For the most part, there is no great battle between good and evil, and there is no duality that states everything of this category is good and everything in this category is evil. There is no real concept to compare to hell except Tartarus in Greek myth. Most people didn’t go to Tartarus. You would have to do something extremely evil to go to Tartarus. Actually, Tartarus started off as just being a cage for the Titans and other nasty creatures and slowly became a place of punishment for the extremely wicked.
This really goes back to the form of duality that infiltrated religion. The duality I speak of is moral dualism. The figure of Satan as an antagonist. The fear of being swayed by the devil which will then send you to hell to burn for all eternity leads to moral decisions solely based on fear and not of wanting the best for yourself and society. The other detriment of dualism is the fact that we now categorize everything into opposites. It leads to concrete thinking and a black/white, either/or mentality. Now we look at light versus dark, good versus evil, moral versus amoral, honesty versus deceit. We now have strict standards and unrealistic expectations to live up to. This leads to unnecessary and damaging feelings of guilt. Though the bible teaches us to judge not lest ye be judged, this dualism creates an environment of judgmental attitude. We judge ourselves and others as we see that we cannot fit these expectations. We hide who we really are so as not to be seen as imperfect, flawed and evil by others. If we are not perfect and good then we must be evil.  
Much of these modern concepts owe credit to Zoroastrianism. Zoroaster or Zarathustra lived in what is now modern day Iran between 1400 and 1000 B.C.E. He founded a religion with one central good god, Ahura Mazda who had a host of good spirits who worked good deeds for him and fought for his side, and an antagonist, Angra Mainyu who had a host of bad spirits who worked evil deeds for him and fought on his side. If this sounds familiar, it’s because Judaism, Christianity and Islam were all highly influenced by this earlier religion. There are many more similarities that are strikingly uncanny. This page is a lengthy read, but I highly recommend it. It explains the influence of Zoroastrianism on modern day monotheism.
http://historicaltextarchive.com/sections.php?action=read&artid=754
 A concept of that is a part of many pagan traditions that is foreign to most versions of Christianity and other monotheistic religions is the concept of channeling or invoking deity. I can only compare it to the concept of being filled with the Holy Spirit in evangelical Christianity. Those who are not familiar with this can turn their TV to TBN and watch it take place. Other than that is the concept of demon possession. Unlike demon possession, the deity does not take over the body to torture, commit evil acts, etc. Also, channeling is of the decision of the person. The deity will not possess an unwilling participant. I hate comparing it to that, but in modern times, people are not exposed to the concept and this is the only way I can explain it to someone who has no exposure to it.

Three religions that come to mind that use channeling or invocation as a major part of their rituals is Voodoo, Nordic paganism and Wicca. In Voodoo, the priest or priestess goes into a trance via dance and music which opens the priest or priestess up for channeling. The deity is said to “ride” the practitioner. They act through the priest or priestess and give blessings, prophecies and answer questions. In Nordic Paganism Odin rides the seidr or shaman in much the same way. In Wicca, the main times the priestess or priest embody the deity is for drawing down the moon which is when the priestess invokes the Goddess at the full moon and for the Great Rite where the priest invokes the God and the priestess channels the Goddess to enact the symbolic union of the two deities or the very real union of the two. Just like in Voodoo, the deities can give blessings, prophecies and answer questions, but also may help the witches perform magick.

 The Great Rite is a modern version of an ancient rite that was performed throughout Europe to promote the growth of crops, fertility of humans and animals and to bless the tribe/community. In Greece this was called the Hieros Gamos. This concept was also seen in other cultures and sometimes the priestess was seen as married to a god and only that god. Also, in the temples of Aphrodite, the priestesses embodied Aphrodite and the men who visited were thought to have intercourse with the goddess directly. This also is where we get the concept of demigods. When these types of rites took place, and the woman became pregnant, the child was thought to be the son or daughter of that god and therefore was then a demigod. This is one concept that is shared with Christianity, the idea of a woman being impregnated by the divine.
This concept goes back to the idea of embodying a deity that was of a particular animal to hunt that animal. Then, the participant would also embody that animal and perform intercourse with another human portraying the animal to promote the fertility of that animal so that the animal was always in abundance for hunting. They would wear the animal’s skin like a cloak and act as that animal while channeling. We see these paintings on cave walls. This is the bridge between animism and polytheism. We believed we could embody a Spirit of a type of animal that then turned into the concept of the deity of that animal. Examples are Cernunnos, Pan, Herne, Dianus, Faunus, Freyr, Sylvanus, the Green Man and Puck. Another ancient concept where a practitioner channels a deity is of prophecy such as the Oracle of Delphi. Priests and Priestesses embodied a deity to give prophecy. In Celtic culture seers were called Vates, Faiths and Dryw. In Yoruba culture they are\Babaloawos and Iyanifas. Well, you get the picture. Around the world there is a concept of giving divine prophecy.
 There are plenty of differences between the way that polytheistic believers view the world in comparison to those believers of monotheistic religions and I have covered a few major ones here. In understanding my views and those of my characters when reading my book one must understand polytheism. I hope that for those of you who know nothing about polytheism reading this can walk away with at least this much, polytheism is about balance, nature, a deep spiritual connection to the divine and a multifaceted understanding of the world that surpasses concrete good versus evil ideology.

I decided I should go back and add a disclaimer. I want to say that I am not an expert on this subject and that I have just recently come to terms with my sexuality so I am still learning and growing. Life is fluid and as we grow, things change. Things have already changed since I even wrote this. As we learn, we change our minds about things, so what is written here isn't the end all for me. I will change and grow and so will my opinion about bisexuality.



I’m bisexual. There I’ve said it. Now you can work on getting over it.

I didn’t always know that I was bisexual. I look back on my childhood and see that I was fixated on certain females, but I just thought it was that I looked up to them. I don’t recall any sexual arousal from boys or men as a child, so of course I didn’t feel any sexual arousal from women or girls. I just had crushes and didn’t realize that’s what it was. I grew up in the 80’s so there wasn’t much exposure in the media of lesbian couples or other forms of sexuality besides straight couples. I thought I was only supposed to like boys and since I liked boys, then I was normal, right?



As I grew up, I don’t remember having feelings for any of my friends, but I’m not 100% sure of that. I think I just saw them differently because they were my friends. I do however recall having crushes on girls at school that I had a hard time talking to. I just thought I admired them and looked up to them, but looking back, it was definitely a crush. I acted toward them and felt the same about them as boys I had crushes on. I just pushed it to the back of my mind and didn’t think about the sexual nature of the attraction.
I definitely had crushes on famous people when I was young, but thought that I was just idolizing them. I was in love with Yvonne Craig in her role as batgirl. I think it’s funny now because girls I find sexy now seem to share some features with her. I watched many Marilyn Monroe movies and I remember feeling enamored with her. I also “admired” Jane Russell when she was in Gentlemen Prefer Blonds with Marilyn. I used to look at the record cover for Joan Jett and the Blackhearts and thinking that Joan was breathtaking. Well, you get the picture.




I think it was easy to dismiss my feelings because I loved boys. I loved wrestling with boys, climbing trees with them, teasing them, holding their hands, kissing them, etc. I’ve kissed over 30 guys in my life. If peck kisses count when we’re younger then the list will be far greater. I just loved boys. When I got older, I loved men. Well, being straight is what we were “supposed to be.” Liking boys was what I was “supposed to do.” Since I liked boys so much and fantasized about them and chased after them, then why would I even pay attention to my feelings toward girls? Also, since I am attracted to less females than males, I wasn’t always exposed to the ones I felt something for.

Once I got into high school, I became friends with a bisexual girl and best friends with a lesbian. I especially had numerous questions for my lesbian friend. This is when I first admitted attraction to some girls. However, I grew up in a very repressed area. I was taught that the vulva and the vagina were taboo and sex was bad. Girls masterbating was a foreign concept and those who did were seen as slutty or mentally disturbed. Since I felt such strange feelings against my own parts, how was I supposed to please another girl who also had those parts? So, I could still dismiss my attraction.

Once in college, I began to work through these negative feelings about being a woman and female sexuality. Becoming Wiccan definitely helped with this. Once getting over this, I could think more deeply about my feelings, only I was in a serious relationship with an extremely controlling and jealous man. So, again I dismissed these feelings and didn’t think too hard on them. Then, one day, we were watching a lesbian porn and I noticed I was feeling quite aroused. I didn’t want to discuss it with him so I kept it to myself.



I decided that since I had these feelings but never explored them, I would just not define my sexuality. However, recently some issues came up that made me face myself and I acknowledged that yes, I’m bisexual. I am not equally attracted to women as I am men and I have never really acted upon those urges, but I am attracted to both men and women. I decided to be fairly open about it. I have family members that I knew would not be cool with it, so I decided to leave those people out. I find no reason to share personal things with people when I know good and well that they are going to be completely negative about it. However, I was surprised at some of the reactions of people I knew which then made me more wary of sharing this information with everyone.


The first thing some people thought was that I was going to go pick up a woman or try to find a girlfriend. Though it had crossed my mind to explore my new acceptance since I had never done so in the past and my wonderful hubby was even supportive of this, I knew that it wouldn’t feel right since I’d been monogamous for so many years. There was lots of discussion between the two of us as there often is. We decided to discuss and deal with issues as they come up and just not persue anything at this time. We were going to keep an open mind and not flat out say no to everything as we are confronted with it. Both of us have discussed the possibility of having a three way, but that’s never happened. We still acknowledge that this is still in the realm of possibilties, but it doesn’t mean we are actively persuing it or that all bisexuals are into that. We have thought of possibly getting a girlfriend, but it’s not something we are worried about. I guess if the right girl came along we’d try it out. However, we’re perfectly content with the way things are at the time.

　

My husband and I have an incredibly trusting relationship and we are very open-minded. Many people just don’t get it. Jealousy is not a typical issue with us. So, when I’ve told certain people that I’ve realized that I’m bi, they tell me that it will ruin my relationship and especially if I experiment with this. Three ways are out of the questions because it will cause jealousy and contempt. Well, sorry we don’t have the typical relationship, but we just don’t. You don’t know anything about that. Stop with your judgemental “only monogamy works” attitudes. Plenty of relationships outside the norm work just fine.


Also, I’ve been told that bisexuals are just confused. If I was straight and now I’m bi, it’s really because I’m a lesbian in transition. Good thing no one has said this to me directly since I have come to accept the bisexual side of myself. I think I’d fly off on their pretentious asses. I love dick. I have wonderful straight sex. Just because I also like girls doesn’t mean that I’m a lesbian. I really love men. I love the way they look and the way they feel. I just happen to like the way women look and feel too.
 
What I think annoys me most is the fact that others who I personally know who are attracted to both genders do not identify as such. Most have the misconception that you have to have an equal attraction to both. You do not. I like men over women and I find more guys attractive than I do women. However, I am attracted to women. I find them absolutely sexy. I love their round breasts and hips. I find the vulva a work of art. It turns me on to look at certain women and as I said, I get turned on by lesbian porn. However, I refuse to define people for them and everyone defines themselves however they please in my opinion. I just think that other people have difficulty coming to terms with their bisexuality because it’s not socially acceptable and looked down upon.


 

Being bisexual to me is not the same as being pansexual. However, again, other people may define their sexuality the way they want to. I had a friend who identified as bi, but he also is attracted to someone who has big breasts and a penis. This would be pansexual to me because there are more than two sexes. I am not attracted to that or other genders, though there are many people who are. It’s not that I find it to be ugly or wrong, it’s just not something that turns me on or attracts me. I have seen some beautiful preop transexuals and I think there is some astheticism to it, but I have no sexual arousal from it. Though, I do respect them and support them and believe that they should be treated better in our society and not be discriminated against. I can say that I find some men attractive in women’s clothing or the agerogeny of Gothic men sexy. I find some tomboy women sexy as well. However, I enjoy a penis on a man’s body and a vagina on a women’s. It’s just what I’m attracted to.


Another frustrating thing is that many ignorant men think that I am flirting and having fun with women for their entertainment. I am just trying to turn them on. I was flirting with and touching a friend who was touching me as well while she was extremely drunk. We do this when sober too, but this time she happened to be plowed. This guy we had never met (a friend of a friend) was all over her. When we did this, he started to instruct her to put her hand into my blouse which I promptly stopped from happening. I am not porn on demand. I’m not bisexual for your entertainment pleasure. I did kiss a friend in front of her hubby for his birthday, but we’re all close friends and it was all fun and games. He wasn’t pushing it to happen or anything and I feel this type of thing is okay. However, this other guy didn’t even know either of us and my friend was inebriated to the point she didn’t even remember it happening. That’s taking advantage of people. He was obviously way more sober than her. Besides that we weren’t doing this for him, hell we didn’t even know him. He just assumed it couldn’t possibly be that we were having fun with each other. We had to be sluts trying to turn him on.

In my book, my vampires are all bisexual, or probably more pansexual. However, this differs from me and many other bisexuals. The vampires are moved more by their baser instincts of feeding and sexual arousal. Over time they learn to tame these drives, but they are turned on a little too easily. Most of them live polyamorously because of this. I’m afraid that people reading the book may get the impression that bisexuals are all promiscuous. These are vampires and not humans, just to make that distinction. I have had sex with no one but my husband for the past ten years. Many bisexuals are monogamous and to me though, there’s nothing wrong with polyamory or many other forms of relationships outside of monogamy. There are many monogamous relationships that are unhealthy and do not work out well, so I don’t understand why people look down on those who are not monogamous. They say its unhealthy, but I see that either way can be healthy or unhealthy depending on the people involved.



Well, coming to terms with my bisexuality has been extremely frustrating and confusing. However, I know that getting to know myself leads to spiritual growth. I’ve learned that I don’t have to really change anything about my life except that I can be more open and honest about my feelings and attractions. I know that people will not always accept this about me because it’s still extremely tabboo, but so is a lot of things about me.

　

　


　

　

I had a reader comment that his favorite aspect to my writing is my character development. I had to give it some thought as to what my process actually is because I just write it out and don’t necessarily think to deeply into my process as I create my characters and develop them through the story. Once I got to thinking about it I realized that I get ideas for characters from different sources. However, how I develop them through the story is generally the same.






The first two characters I started with were Bianca and Michael both of which started from dreams I had. Bianca’s was the first dream which is the opening scene of her first chapter. As a vampire, I jumped on a big burly guy who was trying to mug me, fed off of him and killed him, leaving him in the alley. I went to my apartment and prepared myself for the visit from my lover. My dream about Michael was that I was Michael and I escaped a prison from hunters and then had sex with Collin.

However, dreams are not my only resources. Phil is based off of a very close friend. Lenore is probably the closest character to being me, though I admit that all the characters are a part of my psyche. Ceneric is pretty close to my husband and Stearc is his really dark side. There are other characters that I drew from based off my life experiences, generally splashed with several personalities of people I know into one form. One example of this is Achilles in the second book who is an amalgamation of men in my life including my husband, friend’s and exboyfriends. In the second book, Fiona is based off of my high school self.












The third source for inspiration is mixing historical figures with other fictional characters creating one unique individual. Marcus is the greatest example of this. The biggest inspiration for Marcus was Marcus Antonius including different versions of him in movies and shows. However, another figure that inspired me was Alexander the Great including different versions of him in movies. Which some of my characters are straight out of history such as Antonio and in the second book, Veronica.

I first think about the character as a whole. I picture them as a complete person. There’s first what’s there on the outside which is the theme or the superficial part of the character. If we left it there, the character would be way too one dimensional. The next part is figuring out how they are on the inside. What’s their secrets and how do they view the world? Then I think about their strengths and weaknesses. Next, I think about what their motivation is. What drives them? Then, the icing on the cake is how they interact with other characters. The last part is what I find to be the most fun. I try to picture it as a TV show or movie and actually play out the scenes in my head. I think about what if these characters were real. How would they get along? How would their personalities click or conflict? Can they learn to get along with each other? Would they be enemies or could they at least tolerate each other? Could one fuck up something and destroy the relationship with the other? One pair I decided would work well with a tense friendship with lots of witty banter after the tension of their disagreements waned.



The other thing I take into consideration is the time period the character is from. What’s the relationships between the sexes and races, and the view on religion, sexuality, culture, etc. in that time and place? Then, since they are vampires, I take into consideration their development and growth throughout the ages. How much interaction did they have with humans? How does being a vampire change their view on the important issues I listed above as well? My vampires are driven by their baser instincts though they keep their personalities and can learn to tame these urges. So, how does this affect their view of the world and themselves? As for the werewolves, how does their religion on culture affect their interaction with others and their view of the world? Achilles became a punk for a reason. It’s not just a typical teenage rebellion. He is rebelling against the role he is forced into.

 

Since I write through first person switching point of view with the different characters, I have to keep on my toes. I have to be aware of my own feelings and perspective. I have to remember not to confuse characters and make sure that they keep their core personality every time I switch. I have to put myself into that character and make sure that I speak through them and see the situation through their eyes. They may not make the same decisions I would make so I have to remember to justify their actions to myself and the reader. To get into that persona I may watch a particular movie or show or listen to certain music. Since I am a gamer, particularly RPG of the D&D or Masquerade type, I find it fairly easy to slip into a character and become them as I write.  




The most important part of character development I believe is reviewers. You need people to read and critique your book before you publish it. I find it helpful in character development because you will find out quickly if the character comes across the way you want them too. Now, you can’t please everyone and not everyone will get into all your characters, but you want the writing to convey what you are trying to say about the characters. As the writer, it is all too easy to picture the character and know the motivations but leave out important key details in the writing. I take the feedback from my reviewers and reread the character. I can always spot where I went wrong. If I ask enough questions I can also figure out what it is about the character that gave them the wrong impression. I feel so passionately about my characters that I have to keep my emotional response in check because it’s easy to get defensive. I remember an issue recently with Marcus when I became upset and thought there is no way that I conveyed him in such a way that would be outside of who I want him to be. However, after rereading him, I realized quickly that I had because I left out details that needed to be there.  

There’s a great deal that goes into character development and besides the plot itself is the most important part of the story. If the characters are not fleshed out enough you can lose your readers as they fail to relate to them. If they are too boring then the readers can lose interest. If they interact with others out of character or react to a situation out of character then you confuse your reader unless you can justify it. The story is ultimately about your characters. It’s their story.

I would like to say upfront that I am not a part of the BDSM community. However, I have had a lot of exposure to the community. As I have said in a previous blog, the BDSM community is a sort of sister community to the Goth community. Many Goth clubs have BDSM rooms or areas. Goth people tend to be extremely open about sexuality and discussions of these sorts are fairly normal. I used to frequent two different clubs that had BDSM within the club. I watched people be tied up, whipped, shocked, and set on fire. I am not the end all be all expert on BDSM, but I can guarantee I know a hell of a lot more about it than the general public or EL James.







First off, I would like to begin by defining exactly what BDSM is. BDSM stands for bondage/discipline, dominant/submissive, sadistic/masochistic. Each of these terms are paired with another to denote the type of relationship people may have with each other. These terms usually are linked with sex, but not always. Some people may experiment or engage in such activities in the bedroom all on their own, but what we are discussing here is the subculture.

Bondage denotes any form of restraining someone. This could be handcuffs, chains, ropes, etc. Discipline denotes rules and consequences. If the subject breaks a rule they are disciplined by means of cuffing them to a bed, spanking them, etc. Dominant denotes someone who likes to dominate the other person, who sets the rules and caries out the punishment and rewards. The extreme version of this would be the “master” in the relationship. Submissive is someone who likes to be dominated in a relationship, who likes the rules, who likes the punishment and who likes the rewards. The extreme example of this would be more of a “slave” in the relationship. A sadist is someone who likes to inflict pain such as piercing, whipping, spanking, clamping, pinching, biting, etc. A masochist is someone who likes to have the pain inflicted on them.

These types of relationships require an exceptional amount of communication and trust. First you need to find someone who fits your style of the above category. If you don’t have the same tastes then it’s a no go unless you can negotiate. Once you find the right fit, a contract is drawn. The contract expresses the rules in the relationship before any BDSM activities take place so that you both know and understand the other’s lines, requirements and triggers. Safety words are used for when one needs to end the session or what BDSM folks call a “scene.”

The key to this is having a consensual, informed and verbally open relationship. No one is ever forced, coerced or manipulated into these kinds of relationships or types of play. That is the number one rule of this community. Otherwise, it is abuse and not BDSM. That is why I am disgusted with the 50 Shades of Grey. In her interview on 20/20, EL James states, “I had read a couple of things about BDSM and was thinking what if you met someone and you didn’t want to do this? What would happen?” I’ll tell you what would happen, Ms James. It wouldn’t happen. BDSM is first and foremost consensual. I have had someone argue that Ana does want to be Christian’s sub. This is bullshit. Ana wants to change Christian’s mind about BDSM so that she can have her vanilla relationship with him. She agrees to the BDSM so that she can continue to have sex with him. Doing something you don’t want to for a person just to have sex with them is not the same as having the desire to do it.

Here are a few websites that I found that are quite useful in explaining how to get started in this community and what beginning a relationship of this sort looks like.

http://www.bdsmforwriters.com/BDSM_Relationships.html

http://www.evilmonk.org/A/10femtip.cfm
 
“Study and otherwise prepare before you approach it.”


“Get some perspective.”

“Time is your best and most important friend.” – this is the one about taking your time and not diving head first into the unknown.

“You may get more attention than you can easily handle.”

“Take "elite" (and other) claims with a large grain of salt.”

“Know that "malicious warnings" occur.” – This one is about how the community tries to warn newcomers of harmful and abusive people to stay away from.

“Beware, especially, of the person who tries to isolate you.”

‘Seek, especially, the advice and companionship of other submissive women.”

‘Explore.”

‘When the proper time comes, help educate and orient new submissive women, and others.”

This is all very good advice.

http://slaveduties.com/2008/10/13/how-to-start-exploring-bdsm-a-beginner%E2s-guide/
"Safe, Sane, and Consensual

That’s the motto of the BDSM community. While a BDSM exchange can look intimidating, it's important to know that the people involved have talked beforehand and decided what they would like to experience together It's this process that clearly separates BDSM from abuse. Communication and consent are the tools that people who enjoy BDSM use to keep themselves and their partners safe.







Some people are afraid that if they consent to some aspect of BDSM play, they'll never be able to say “no” if they decide they don't like spanking or bondage after all. Remember that you are in complete control of how you act on your desires. And you have a right to use your safeword (see safety tip later on), change your mind, or re-negotiate at any time.

Other people are afraid that once they experience stronger sensations, they will want more and more. That might happen, but it's unlikely that trying out a set of nipple clamps will be a one-way ticket to the dungeon and a full-time master/slave relationship.”



Before even discussing whether or not Ana knows anything about this subculture and educating her about what it is and before discussing with her if she would be open to experiencing it, Christian takes her right to his dungeon and shows her the contract. Ana’s sex life hasn’t even been discussed up to this point and Christian becomes upset when he finds out after he throws her into his BDSM world head first that she is a virgin. After knowing this about her and deciding to be her first he just goes on with his plans. He ties her up with no questions asked the second go around. Poor Ana is introduced to different toys and things during sex without any discussion or explanation beforehand. That’s a big no-no. He gives her the contract, but forges on without it signed, throwing BDSM left and right to her without any education before hand when she hasn’t experienced any sex let alone BDSM. WTF?






http://www.blogher.com/troubling-message-fifty-shades-grey
“However, in truth, the world -- with all its old cars and commercial airlines -- is nowhere nearly as dangerous as Christian is himself, not because he practices BDSM but because he's a terrible dominant.”

“For starters, it's one thing to lead someone who has never experienced BDSM into new experiences but it's really quite another to so eagerly select a virgin with no sexual experience whatsoever.’

“The scene where Christian tries to convince Anastasia that her being wet means she wants to be abused makes me physically ill.”

“Most people who practice BDSM, regardless of their level of experience, require some level of aftercare and leaving someone who is only experimenting, someone who is not only new to the lifestyle but to sexual experience in general, alone after play is unconscionable.”

“‘This, perhaps, is the most egregious attempt against people who live a BDSM lifestyle. Not only does this book make broken monsters out of people who have examined their desires and had the courage to see where they will take them, but it promises readers that they can be cured -- and cured through bad communication, passive aggression, and petulant fits, at that.”
avfloxin Love & Sex, I couldn’t agree with you more.

Here is the 10 Golden Rules of BDSM Negotiation:http://www.masterdale.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=3247
I think Ana needed to read “8. You may be negotiating in good faith, but you have to be aware that the other person might not be doing the same thing either through inexperience or bad intentions. Be wary of coercion…”

If there are arguments that he didn’t coerce her then the signs of abusive control is definitively apparent before we even get to any BDSM or sex because Christian Grey is first and foremost a stalker. Who tracks someone they just met by their cell phone? A stalker, that’s who.

“There’s nothing I can say that will make what I did alright. I know that, but I need you to know that it came from some place good.” - David Mccall, Fear
“With boyfriends like this, who needs enemies?” - Tagline, Fear, 1996
Ana decides to go to a bar and get wasted and Christian Grey stalks her by tracking her GPS on her cell phone.The creep doesn’t take her to her own home when he finds her drunk but instead takes her to his home. These should have been red flags. Then he makes the statement, “If you were mine, you wouldn’t be able to sit down for a week after the stunt you pulled yesterday.” Please run as far away from any man who barely knows you and makes a statement like this. It just screams abuse.






I have too much to say about the scene where he spanks Ana. They go over a list of things she is to say whether or not she is okay with even though she knows nothing about these things and doesn’t even know what they look like and sex acts she hasn’t experienced and may have never even heard of. This is where she tells Christian that she is unsure about the punishment part and she has doubts and reservations about it. She tells him she definitely doesn’t want caned, but he ignores that and tells her that she will like it and they will work up to it. The next day, even though the contract hasn’t been signed, he is referring to her as his sub and decides to punish her for rolling her eyes. Despite the fact that she has reservations about punishment and hasn’t signed the contract he spanks her hard enough that she is still in pain the next day. He of course follows the spankings with sex. Once he rubs her ass with oil he simply asks her if she is okay and she says yes. Obviously Ana is giving all the signs that she is not okay such as not looking at him and acting stoically. He ignores this and the fact that she has never experienced anything like this before and decides to leave her anyway. Christian doesn’t stay for aftercare.



http://islandofpain.com/2009/01/20/importance-of-aftercare/

“And good BDSM always creates strong emotions, but good BDSM becomes even better if the emotions are understood and put on the table – The feelings that the scene invoked needs to be understood. This is where the role of the dominant also becomes very important. As a dominant you have to push the submissive to work through the emotional response.”

When he sees her the next day he chastises her for not being honest with him about it. However, the entire story thus far, when Ana shares her thoughts or feelings she is chastised for being too rebellious, thinking too hard or disagreeing with him or he just dismisses her emotions all together. When she finally tells him she didn’t like it he tells her she is not supposed to. Excuse me, but that is not BDSM. In BDSM the participants agree to these things because they do like it. Otherwise it has no point and it is then abuse. Then she tells him she was confused. He dismisses all of this by justifying the whole thing as he explains that she was wet for him. That invalidated her emotions as if her bodily response were the only important thing here. This scene sickened me to no end. How anyone can read this and find Christian Grey to be in any way shape or form attractive and want a man like that is beyond me. This isn’t the way BDSM works and it is obviously abuse and manipulation.





Speaking of abuse, EL James does a really good job of encouraging the stereotype that people who are into BDSM are mentally damaged and are into it because of childhood abuse. This is not the case. Studies have shown that they have no more of a prevalence of history of abuse in that community than the general population. http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguardian/shortcuts/2012/jul/08/fifty-shades-grey-bad-bondage

“After giving each of the 132 participants four hours of psychological tests, as well as a face-to-face interview, I found that, in fact, the group was generally not mentally unhealthy, and the instances of early abuse that had long been associated with the adult practice of BDSM were present in just a few.”

Here’s another article discussing the judgments from the mainstream culture against this subculture:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/out-the-ordinary/200904/whats-dangerous-about-bdsm



Here’s a good website that explains how the BDSM community has taken measures to protect against abuse: http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2011/08/03/thinking-more-clearly-about-bdsm-versus-abuse/

This is the The Alt Sex Anti-Abuse Dream Team post that discussed how, “not only is abuse within the community rare, but abusive BDSM relationships seem more likely to happen outside the community.”

http://clarissethorn.com/blog/2011/01/16/the-alt-sex-anti-abuse-dream-team/



I found this to be a wonderful blog breaking down the stereotypes.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kayt-sukel/bdsm_b_1554310.html
Another thing that gets my feathers ruffled is how Ana constantly looks down her nose at BDSM & even “changes him” in the end. There is nothing wrong with enjoying BDSM in the bedroom or in life in general. We are all supposed to secretly enjoy the BDSM sex throughout the book just to snub it as it is supposed to be seen as bad and unhealthy in the end and be happy that she now has a vanilla relationship with him. When given Christian’s hard list of things he will not do, most of the things on that list are typical things in BDSM and yet she makes the statement, “Ugh, he has to write these down! Of course they all look completely sensible, and frankly necessary… any sane person wouldn’t want to be involved in this sort of thing, surely? Though I now feel a little queasy.” With the exception of children, animals, feces and urination, the list isn’t outside the realm of normal BDSM play. “No acts of fire play.” Please! I saw acts of fire play at the freaking club quite frequently. It wasn’t that crazy. They would pour a liquid over a person’s arm, light it on fire and immediately put it out with a mitt. It would cause intense heat, but left no burn. “No acts of needles, knifes, piercing or blood,” and “no acts that will leave any permanent marks on the skin.” Well there goes suspension which I have also seen on many occasions. “No acts involving gynecological instruments.” At the local BDSM store, this is one of the first thing one sees under the glass at the counter. Also, he may be against the tools but he is not above bringing an OBGYN to his home to do an exam on her. What a creepster. The rule against breath control is the only one I can speak little about because I know little about. Websites I’ve seen warn that it is a dangerous activity and considered edge play so it is not recommended and should only be conducted by those with a lot of experience.





Again, I cannot emphasize how horribly unrealistic and ignorant this book is. All it does is give those who are uninformed the wrong information. There are many erotic novels out there and many that have a BDSM theme. Many of these books are actually well written too. Please find something more tasteful to read. Don’t settle for this cheap crap. Here’s a website that has some book reviews for BDSM themed novels:

http://bdsmbookreviews.blogspot.com/2010/08/memorable-bdsm-books.html







　

　

Okay, there’s been a lot of buzz on the 50 Shades of Grey. I looked into it. I read reviews, overviews, synopses, sex scenes and the sample on Amazon. I have also spoken to friends, some really into it, who have read the series. I have chosen not to for more than one reason. The main reason is that from what I can tell, it is extremely antifeminist.
The premise seems to be that this naïve, gullible and childish woman who can’t think for herself falls for this manipulative, narcissistic, controlling, arrogant, abusive man with lots of money and good looks. After he is abusive, he buys her things and takes her places. He “takes care of her.” It’s okay, though because in the end “she changes him.”
First off, thank you for encouraging the delusion that many abuse victims have that it’s okay to suffer in the relationship because “deep down he is really a caring person” and “I can change him.” It makes me sick to my stomach. As if women aren’t brainwashed enough to accept this kind of crap from pop culture in general, but now we have a female author to peddle it as well?
For those of you who do not know, there is such a thing as the cycles of abuse. Please inform yourselves, ladies, and if you are in one of these types of relationships, get out. Find somewhere safe to go and supports that can help you. There are many abuse shelters that will help you hide from the abuser and even relocate. Check out this website for helpful information:
http://www.domesticviolence.org/ . This is the wheel showing the cycles of abuse:
I watched a video of an interview with the author on 20/20. The quote that made me ill was this, “We have everything and it’s just hard work doing everything and getting, making sure the dinner is on the table, the laundry’s done and the, and your boss is happy. It’s just it’s sometimes nice to just switch off and just let somebody else take care of stuff for a while.” Really? So let’s all just go find men that will manipulate and control our lives. That will fix that. Right… That is such a load of horse shit if I ever heard it. Instead, how about asking your husband to get off his lazy ass and help around the house since you both are working? I can understand even daydreaming and fantasizing having a maid, a housekeeper, a nanny, but having a man take care of every aspect of your life & bossing you around? Thanks for putting us back to the 1950’s. The 1960’s women’s liberation movement happened so that EL James can make tons of money selling a book about men taking care of women and controlling every aspect of their lives because the responsibility is just too much for us dainty little women folk?
The other thing that really pissed me off about the book in regards to women and how they should be treated is the sex scene where the main character loses her virginity. This was one of the many scenes I have read. I just hope that there are no virgins that have no idea about sex that are reading this book and thinking this is what their first time is supposed to be like. Here’s how he takes her virginity: ““Hard,” he whispers and he slams into me. “Aargh,” I cry as I feel a weird pinching sensation deep inside me as he rips through my virginity.” Okay, then she’s just good to go. After he slams into her, he decided then to take it slow and build to hard thrusts. Why he didn’t do that in the first place is beyond me. This builds to an orgasm. For one thing, what an asshole he’d have to be to just slam into a virgin. From there on out, it would not be that pleasant, I’m sorry. It would hurt more and more and that’s reality. She bleeds, not because he broke her hymen, but because he slammed into her. After being ripped apart like that, you wouldn’t want another go and it would be incredibly sore. She only tastes her own blood the one time he makes her and there’s nothing more said of it. Pounding a tight virgin like that would cause more than that little bit of bleeding. Also, she climaxes with him pounding her when most women have a difficult time climaxing without clitoral stimulation. This whole scene gives young virgins the wrong idea. And, this character is supposed to be a virgin who has only been kissed a few times and doesn’t even masturbate. Of course he assumes that she’s not virgin by choice. No, because a girl wouldn’t choose to be one. Really? Come on.
In case EL James and the rest of you aren’t informed about hymens: http://www.youngwomenshealth.org/hymen.h


tml. Yeah, so half-moon hymen being the most common, she is bleeding not because you broke it but because you ripped through her and slammed into her, you asshole. http://sexinfo.wetpaint.com/page/The+Fem

ale+Hymen+and+It%27s+Significance
“Furthermore, the hymen can stretch sufficiently to permit entry of tampons and sometimes even a penis. Sexual intercourse is only one of many reasons why a woman may not have a hymen.”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hymen
“Past neonatal stage, the diameter of the hymenal opening (measured within the hymenal ring) is widening by approximately 1 mm for each year of age. During puberty the hymenal opening can also be enlarged by tampon,menstrual cup use, pelvic examinations with a speculum, regular physical activity or sexual intercourse. Once a girl reaches puberty, the hymen tends to become very elastic. In one survey, only 43% of women reported bleeding the first time they had intercourse, indicating that the hymens of a majority of women are sufficiently opened.”　
Please, ladies, know your parts. Unfortunately, unlike men, we can not so easily see our parts, so I emphasize the importance of being informed and educating yourself on them. http://www.sex-and-relationships.com/pag


Another helpful website exlaining virginity and the hymen.
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/i_want_to_lose_my_virginity_before_i_have_sex


es/LH/facts/womens-sexual-anatomy1.html
Please be informed about sex, like the fact that it is difficult for most women to orgasm without clitoral stimulation. Sex is not a dirty word and nothing to blush about. It’s a natural part of life.
http://www.sex-and-relationships.com/pag


es/LH/facts/orgasm1.html
http://www.sex-and-relationships.com/pag

This is a good site on women's sexuality. Did you now that it is normal for your labia minora to be larger than your labia majora? The average labia size is 0- 3/4's an inch.

http://www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/nav/fr_index.htm


es/LH/whatissexabout.html
One more thing that really gets under my skin is when Christian decides to have sex with Ana bareback when she is on her period saying that it's okay because she can't get pregnant. WTF? Does Mrs. James know anything about sex or the human reproductive system. Hope no one believes that one either.
http://www.besttimetogetpregnant101.com/c

an-i-get-pregnant-on-my-period
"However, this can happen if you are generally a very fertile woman or if you have hormonal imbalances. If you have a short menstruation cycle this can also happen, whereby you can be ovulating within only a few days after your period. This would mean that if you had sex during your period, the sperm could still be alive in your fallopian tube. Then when ovulation does occur, there will be sperms waiting to fertilize your ovum."

Also, are you only using condoms to make sure you don't get pregnant? Christian and Ana barely know each other. They should be using condoms to protect against STD's. Even if you do know someone well, you should be protecting yourself. People lie all the time. Ana, you really are extremely gulllible. I hope that girls are more informed about sex than EL James who surprisingly is a mother. I can't believe someone who had given birth and is married would know so little about sex and biology. However, women are extremely supressed and kept ignorant as much as we would like to believe otherwise.
It is typically taught in our society that women are less sexual than men. Most American women won’t look for porn because we are taught that we are not visually stimulated and that it will not get us going. However, if you look for porn, most of it is very anti-female. It is more for men to see the woman as an object to put their penis in. There is however, as of recent, porn for women with companies like Sssh. Women are more likely turned on by watching a man please her as much as she’s pleasing him. We enjoy porn that shows the male’s face and not from his point of view with the camera. Women have turned to books so that they can feel less intimidated by their sexuality and can mask their desires under the cover of literature, since it is frowned upon for us to be into sex. We women who are more sexually liberated are labeled as “whores” and “sluts.”
Though, we are also taught not to masturbate, the sex toy industry is the one part of the industry that is geared toward us. The irony is that the vibrator was invented by a man who was trying to improve the cure for hysteria. Knowing very little about women’s body’s or sexuality, the clitoris was once thought to be not a part of sex. Women were more oppressed and when a woman was feeling depressed, irritable or upset she was thought to have hysteria. To cure the hysteria, doctor’s found that if they stimulated the clitoris a woman was given release from her woes. Women would go to their doctor’s regularly to be stimulated and cured of hysteria. A man thought to convert a dental drill into a more efficient way to cure hysteria. Well, at least they got something right. If you don’t own a vibrator, stop blushing and order yourself one. There is nothing wrong with masturbastion and sexual pleasure.
With all that being said, there are plenty of erotic books out there and many with the theme of BDSM, which is not the same as the domestic violence in this book. My next topic will be on this subject. Anyway, please explore and find something pro-women and not so ignorant. Stop buying into a book that sets us back over half a century. Women should be empowered by their sexuality, not set back to being Jeannie from I Dream of Jeannie. Well, at least her master wasn’t an abusive prick.

So, the subject of the Goth culture has come up frequently lately and the question seems to be “What is Goth?” Well, to get down to the core of it I would like to review the history of the movement. During the post-punk era of the early 1980’s, several bands emerged from the punk scene with something new and different. Their lyrics were macabre, music was eerie and style was dark. They were dubbed “Goth”. Most of the musicians felt that this label was a slight and refused to embrace the term. After some time with the word being passed around, the term was finally embraced by the followers of this music genre.



   
The original Goth scene, just as today, emanated the dark vamp style of old horror flicks such as Bela Lugosi as Dracula, Theda Bara and Musidora. The most well known Goth rock bands at the time were definitely The Bauhaus, The Sisters of Mercy and Souixsie and the Banshees. As the scene began to develop, other aspects of Gothic horror emerged. art, literature, film, fashion etc. became a part of the subculture. After all, the term Goth refers to Victorian Gothic horror in the first place. Most notably Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein (The Modern Prometheus), Robert Lewis Stevenson’s The Strange Case of Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hide, and any work by Edgar Allen Poe were the very reason this music scene was dubbed Goth in the first place. Victorian Gothic literature itself was born out of romanticism which bleeds right into the Gothic culture today.



In the 1980’s, another form of music emerged which is known as industrial. Industrial music was a blending of hard rock/heavy metal and synthetic sounds that mimicked heavy machinery. The style of dress tended to be on the dark side as well and the lyrics were also macabre but in a different more “in your face” way. The look tended to be more tattered and less romantic than their Goth rock counterparts. Within this arena were bands like Velvet Acid Christ, KMFDM, Skinny Puppy and Sister Machine Gun. By the 1990’s, the movement was popularized by Nine Inch Nails. Because of a similar taste in the dark, macabre and horror, the two subcultures collided and those who listened to industrial music were then dubbed Goth.




   Through this progression, Goth has become quite a diverse subculture and has embraced other subcultures that have commonalities. The BDSM subculture, I call our sister subculture, usually mingles right along at many goth clubs and events. The steampunk subculture is very similar in style to the Victorian gothic style, so many have adapted and adopted this look as well. The Cybergoths/Gravers came about by a mixture of goth fashion and tastes with that of ravers and with a futuristic spin. This mixing of genres and styles has kept Goth adapting and thriving over the years.




The common thread amongst Goths at least in my experience is a romanticism of the macabre and a fascination with death and all things creepy. Goths tend to be open minded and accepting of who people are. Yes, there are judgmental Goths. I am not saying there’s not. There are plenty of Goths who think they are “gothier than thou“, but for the most part, Goths are pretty accepting people. Goths tend to have a liberated sexuality. This is why it is so easy for this subculture to fit right along with the BDSM subculture. In the goth crowd, it is easy to find openly gay, bisexual, transgender, transexual, pansexual and polyamorous people. Goths also tend to share a similar sense of humor that is dark, sometimes lowbrow, and very sarcastic. Goths tend to love the arts and literature. This harkens back to the link between this subculture and the literature of the same name. Goths also tend to educate themselves and love open discussion. They appreciate the intellect.

















However, there are things that do not matter to most Goths such as religion and political convictions. I have met Goths of many different religious persuasions such as Wicca, Christianity, Neo Pagan, Buddhist, and the Nordic/Scandinavian beliefs, and I’ve met many who are atheists. Though political persuasions do not have to be the same, Goths tend to be for equality and civil rights.

Well, that is about how I understand the Gothic subculture and my experience of it. Some of it is generalized, but anything that we attempt to define is. Sometimes I take for granted that people just understand these things or have experienced things that I have. I hate when I make these assumptions So, I hope that my explanation here helps some understand my point of view and the subculture that I am a part of.