Kristen Strong's Blog

Hello and happy week before Thanksgiving, friends! Like some of you I’ll be stirring up all kinds of goodness around the kitchen in the next week. So, I had food on my mind as I put together this edition of “These Are a Few of My Favorite Things.” And while some of us may be doing more eating than cooking, we’re also likely to want to take advantage of some Black Friday sales, too. (On that note, has it been a Black Friday saturated month for you, too? I mean, I’m overwhelmed from all the CAN’T MISS DEALS language.) Forgive me if I’m adding to the noise as my monthly list is coming out at this part of the month.

It is what it is, I suppose.

At any rate, here is my latest edition of “These Are a Few of My Favorite Things,” largely comprised of goodies to gobble and place under your tree.As I write this, most of the items I share are on sale. Enjoy, dearheart!

Maple Chai Latte Cookies: Oooooohhhhh these are divine. I sent some of these in care packages to my kids, too! 

Guinness Chocolate Cookies: These are my husband’s favorite cookies. Since his birthday was this month, I made these for him. Rich, fudgy, and delicious!

Barefoot Contessa’s Red Wine-Braised Short Ribs: A perfect late fall or winter meal! I didn’t have the Guinness that this recipe calls for. (I’d used all we had left for the above cookie recipe!) So, I substituted the Guinness with a pumpkin ale I found in our pantry. Honestly, I think any beer would do. My husband and I ladled our roast over a sweet potato, and we loved it. I do want to try it again with a Guinness though! 

Baby Kale Salad with Acorn Squash: I made this for our Halloween night dinner with friends, and we all loved it!! (I substituted feta for the goat cheese cuz I don’t like goat cheese.)

Harney & Sons Hot Cinnamon Tea and Vanilla Comoro Tea: I saw Amy Hannon pair these two teas on Instagram, so I tried it myself. I didn’t add the lavender simple syrup she uses. Instead, I added my trusty Silk Vanilla Almond Milk Creamer. The tea combo is delicious, and I think both teas would make a great gift! (You can find the Hot Cinnamon Tea in Decaf, too!)

Rotating Puzzle Board: I first heard of this from the Deal Queen Jessica Turner, and I bought this for my husband–the biggest puzzle lover I know–and he LOVED it. I mean, he loved it so much he made a Facebook post about it, and he posts on Facebook about once every three years. This handy item allows him to better look at the puzzle from all angles!

Sharpie Gel Pens: These are going in my kids’ stockings. They aren’t on sale (today), but they are the BEST pens (thanks for mine, Pattie!!) 

Lodge Enamel Cast Iron Dutch Oven: Gosh, I love this and use it all the time! It’s so pretty and functional! (And a kid of mine may be getting one for Christmas…shhhhhhh.) 

Expandable Suitcase: My suitcase recently bit the dust, so I bought this as a replacement. I love it! It’s sturdy and rolls like a dream, and it costs less than a lot of brands. 

On Writing (and Writers) by C. S. Lewis: As the writing of C.S. Lewis became more known, he would receive letters on any topic you can imagine, including the art of writing. He’d spend up to 14 hours a day answering those letters! Part of this book is essentially a collection of some of his responses. From the book’s jacket: “With over a hundred excerpts drawn from his letters, essays, and books, this delightful collection will inspire and guide any prospective writer with sage advice on topics such as writing fiction, poetry, and science fiction; Christian writing; writing for children; and writing persuasively. It also features a section on Lewis’s comments on other writers.” This is such a fun book for the writer in your life! 

Praying Through Loneliness by yours truly: If you (or someone you know) is in a very lonely season that finds you isolated and struggling to make friends, I’m so sorry. Perhaps the personal stories shared in this book, stories from a diverse group of over forty women, can be of help and comfort to you. You’re not alone in your loneliness! 

Eye Gel Cooling Pads: These feel so good, and one package could be divided up for multiple stocking stuffers!

Bluetooth Speaker: I’ve bought this JBL brand of bluetooth speaker for my kids and nieces/nephews before. However, this one with the integrated carabiner would be extra handy!

I’m sure thankful that you stopped by my online home here. May you have a wonderful Thanksgiving with you and yours!

To see my previous Christmas edition of These Are a Few of My Favorite Things list, visit here. All Amazon links are affiliate links, which add no extra cost to the purchase price or to you. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
You can visit all those links and more at my Amazon affiliate store here.

The post These Are A Few of My Favorite Things: Goodies to Gobble and Place Under the Tree appeared first on Kristen Strong.

While sitting under the forest green umbrella at a favorite coffee house, a friend of mine who recently moved to my town of Colorado Springs shared with me how much she wanted to connect with friends here. To that end, she asked a woman to coffee three different times — and that woman said no not once, not twice, but all three times.

She shook her head, and her curls danced lightly in the late August breeze. But her heart weighed heavier. Swirling her iced coffee in her hand, she said, “You know, it takes so much gumption and vulnerability to ask someone to spend time with you, especially when you’re new. Being turned down repeatedly discouraged me a good deal.”

As I listened to her, my heart ached. Perhaps her schedule was such that she genuinely couldn’t say yes, but I still found it easy to get frustrated at the woman who kept saying no. Before I let myself sit too high on my horse, however, a memory rose up — one that reminded me I’m not so different.

A couple of years ago, a good friend of mine asked me if I’d mind meeting a good friend of hers who had moved to Colorado Springs.

I told my friend, “Oh, I’d love to! No problem at all!” And I completely meant it.

But then life hit hard, and I back-burnered that request till it fell off the stove completely. I never reached out, and she’s since moved away. How I regret not making time as I said I would. The Bible talks about letting our yes be a yes, and in that, I failed.

These coffee dates may seem small, but they exposed something deeper in me: how much more quickly I see someone else’s failure to love well than I see my own failure to love well. And if I’m honest, that same bent shows up not just in my friendships, but in how I view the world’s troubles too.

As I type this, it’s been a long, heavy week full of heart-wrenching, tragic news. Fixing this world is above my pay grade, though I have my ideas. And I’ll admit that when I mull over why things are the way they are, I often think the problem is with a certain group of people.

In a sermon years ago, the late pastor Dr. Tim Keller relayed a story about a time when a prominent British newspaper published a series of letters and essays where people answered the question, “What is wrong with the world today?”Naturally, people responded with lengthy epistles regarding their convictions on the world’s problems. G.K. Chesterton, an early 20th-century British journalist, author, and Christian apologist, responded to this question, too. In his own letter, he succinctly stated:

“Dear ______ Times,

The problem with the world is me.

Sincerely,

GK”

About this, Dr. Keller states, “We all think . . . if someone would deal with that group or those outside forces, then things would be okay. But the real Messiah always comes and says, ‘. . .repent. . .Your primary problem…is you. Not them, you.’ The reason [people] rejected the Messiah the first time was they expected the Messiah to say [others were] the problem. But the real Messiah came along and said, ‘…repent, you’re the problem.'”

This is what I know: the closer I walk with Jesus, the more aware I am of my own depravity. I can’t help but see that the world’s problem is my individual problem with pride, self-centeredness, foolishness, and hard-heartedness. When I mull over my sin, I’m ever faster to follow Jesus’s directive to repent.

Getting on my knees, I say, “Lord, forgive me for the times I choose my way over Your way. Forgive me for not wanting to deal with the sin in my own heart first. Forgive me for wanting to shake my fist at what others wrongly do while simultaneously giving myself a free pass for my own wrongdoing. Thank you that you take my sin and wash it white as snow.”

And when I get up off my knees, I’m left feeling lighter and loved, not shamed.

Of course, I don’t want to bury my head in the sand and act like there isn’t evil in the world to pray about and fight against.

Visit here to finish this article.  Visit here to listen to it in podcast format.

I love helping women who are lonely for friends find their friendship groove so they can enjoy a more fun and fulfilling life. Visit here to connect with me and learn how I may be of help to you. 

The post The Real Problem with the World Today appeared first on Kristen Strong.

Hello, friend, and Happy Fall!

Calendar-day-wise, I’m not sending this at the usual time. But as one who struggles to plan things strategically, I actually thought I’d time this edition of “These Are a Few of My Favorite Things” with some good deals!

After all, friends share good deals on their favorite things with friends, right?

This month’s list also includes an AHHHMAZING recipe and a good mystery/detective fiction show as well!

May this list of favorites big time bless you and/or someone you know!

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things: Deal Time Is the Right Time

Bri McKoy’s Golden Hour Chicken: WHOA, NELLY, this recipe is divine. I made mine with some Palisade peaches I froze this summer, and they worked beautifully.

Shetland: David and I often have a hard time finding a show that we both enjoy, but this one fits the bill. This detective show, which takes place on the Shetland Islands of Scotland, keeps us guessing “who did it” but (generally speaking) isn’t too graphic. Except for the first few episodes of Season 1, every season follows one mystery start to finish, and every episode relays more clues as to who the murderer is.

T-shirt dress:  This isn’t very fall-ish, I know, but it is cute and comfy and on sale. I sized up for added length!

Strapless Bra: If you have a couple of tops or dresses that need a strapless bra, this one works well. Note: I had to size up.

Small Wallet: This Vera Bradley wallet is on super sale at 60% off! It comes in several patterns and has several pockets plus a zippered pouch.

Flat Hair Clip: I like this one because it lays flat on my head, so if I lean back against a chair or something it doesn’t poke me.

Travel Toiletry Bag: I put this on an earlier list after I gifted it to a few folks who loved it. Well, my own travel toiletry bag bit the dust, so I bought this one. And GOSH DO I LOVE IT. It’s akin to Hermione’s beaded bag with its extension charm. I fit everything but the kitchen sink in here, yet I’m able to (mostly) zip it up. It takes minimal space in my suitcase, all things considered. This would make a great gift, too.

Sole and Sneaker Cleaner: These are magic erasers for your sneakers. I love them!

Waterproof Travel Bags: These are AWESOME for travel (and probably a hundred other uses).

Travel Bottles: I used these for two big trips, and they actually kept my lotions and potions sealed inside.

Essential Oil Diffuser: This oil diffuser is so pretty and would make a great gift!

Friends Are Family We Choose by yours truly: This isn’t on Prime sale, BUT it’s almost 50% off just the same, making it under ten bucks. If you’re looking for a unique gift for the friend you love like family, you’ve found it!

Some previous “These Are a Few of My Favorite Things” that are on sale now:

Brush Blow Dryer

Curling Iron

Living Proof Dry Shampoo:

Weighted Vest

Turkish Towel Set

Velvet Square Pillows

To see a previous These Are a Few of My Favorite Things list, visit here. All Amazon links are affiliate links, which add no extra cost to the purchase price or to you. You can visit all those links and more at my Amazon affiliate store here.

Sending much love, dearheart!

The post These Are a Few of My Favorite Things: Deal Time Is the Right Time appeared first on Kristen Strong.

My daughter’s friendship situation in high school was, to be blunt, a bunch of crap. Her “friends'” behavior often left me fuming. They’d pretend to treat her kindly one day, only to ghost and ignore her the next. They’d make plans to hang out with her early in the week and cancel the day of. When she’d inevitably tire of their behavior and reach out to new girls, they’d accuse her of acting like she was too good for them.

This hot and cold behavior went on (and on!) within the public school system, which is maddening enough. But when this happens within the context of your church’s youth group, your frustrations level up. Kids who profess to love Jesus all over their social media accounts but in person behave at best unwelcoming and at worst just plain ugly… well, it makes you want to grab a ponytail or two as you initiate some tough-love conversations.

Exclusive, mean behavior can be experienced on sports teams and in school clubs too. Yesterday, my chiropractor shared with me that his freshman daughter struggled to find her people on her high school volleyball team because several of the upperclassmen had a serious mean streak. I told him how sorry I was to hear that as I reassured him that his daughter’s experience isn’t an isolated one.

Ugh, the interpersonal turmoil of high school can be such garbage.

Now, could my own daughter’s experience have been worse? Absolutely. But it could’ve been so much better — she never found her people in high school. Thank the good Lord, though, she did find her people after high school.

If past experiences have you fretting that your beloved child will be lonely this new school year, I’m so sorry. You’re square on my heart, as I know how this can fill yours with anxiety. But as my daughter’s difficult time is now in the rear view mirror, may I, as a mama who has been there, place some hope in your praying hands?

Here are 4 positive things that came from my daughter’s negative high school friendship experiences:

She learned what it looks like to be a good friend. In baptism-by-fire ways, my daughter’s high school experiences honed her friendship-making skills. She learned there are different kinds of friendship, and when a friendship is and isn’t meant to be. Since my daughter was on the receiving end of a lot of friendship-killing behaviors, like fickleness and ghosting, she learned the value of letting her yes be a yes (Matthew 5:37). She also learned how to reach out toward others in friendship instead of waiting on someone else to reach out to her first — a skill that paid off big time in college.

She learned how to process and accept rejection. If my daughter reached out to someone who rejected her efforts, she learned that she didn’t need to take it personally. Oh, it may feel very personal (and all the more when girls who’d accepted her suddenly did an about-face). But as my friend Salena says, rejection is God’s protection against what’s not in our best interest. Rejection is hard and painful, yes. But it’s also an inevitable part of life. It’s something that God uses for us, not against. So, when my daughter was rejected, she learned to trust that rejection from one potential friend meant that God had another friend in mind who would be a better fit for her.

She learned that home was (and is!) a safe place where she’s beloved and welcomed. My daughter was home more than the average kid during her high school years. While I felt sad for her about this, I did my level best to make sure our house was a place where we honored one another in devotion and love (Romans 12:10). Regardless of how friends treated her, she could count on her family to be in her corner. God made her the way she is on purpose and for a purpose, and I wasn’t shy to tell her how thrilled I was that He thought enough of our family to place her within it.

She learned that while friends may fail her, her Friend Jesus never will. Jesus knew what it was to be the friend on the outside (Hebrews 13:12). He knew what it was to be betrayed in epic fashion (Matthew 26:14-18). My daughter learned how to deeply rest in Jesus because Jesus understood how it felt to be lonely even better than she did. She found comfort in His presence like never before.

Finish reading this article at my other online writing home, (in)courage. 

To listen to this article in podcast form, visit here. 

Find healing from your own friendship struggles and hope for the connections yet to be made in Kristen’s new book, Desperate Woman Seeks Friends. 

The post Hope for the Mama of a Lonely School-Aged Daughter appeared first on Kristen Strong.

Because friends always share their favorite finds with friends, here’s some goodies I’ve enjoyed this past month. I hope at least one or two items are of used to you this end of summer season! As is often the case in August, I have a few household items on my list that I purchased in getting my girl ready for her senior year of college! I know that may fall in the category of “too little, too late” for any college kiddos in your life, but just the same…I thought sharing couldn’t hurt!

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things: Summer Wind Down

The Gilded Age: Ohhhhh this show is such a favorite of mine! It stars several well known folks, but Christine Baranski is a special delight. Her character’s sharp, dry one-liners are up there with the Countess of Grantham’s from Downton Abbey. This show, which follows the old money vs. new money families of upper class NYC society in the late 1880’s, is just plain fun to watch!

What in the World?!: A Southern Woman’s Guide to Laughing at Life’s Unexpected Curveballs and Beautiful Blessings by Leanne Morgan: I listened to this via audiobook, and it was AWESOME. It’s read by Leanna herself, and you just can’t beat hearing her own words in her own thick, East Tennessee accent. Honest to goodness, this may be the funniest book I’ve ever read; I would double over and wheeze-laugh as I listened! I can’t identify with all of her story, but I sure can identify with part of it. Any Gen Xer or older could probably say the same!

Smoothies: This past month, my sweet girl had to get a gum graft performed. For over 2 weeks, she ate very little but smoothies. So, yours truly became the smoothie researcher and maker. Which means I also became a smoothie drinker, something I haven’t really indulged in for a while! Basically I made several from the same complication, but we especially loved the Cherry Almond Smoothie, The Peach Pie Smoothie, the Tropical Oatmeal Smoothie, and the Green Morning Smoothie. I also made Faith this Peanut Butter Smoothie Bowl as an actual smoothie, too, without the toppings and chia seeds.

The Big Boo Cast: I’ve enjoyed Melanie and Sophie’s podcast for several years, and I often share items in my “These Are a Few of My Favorite Things” posts that I first learned about from them! As a bonus, It was a doubly sweet treat to be a guest on their podcast to talk about the difficult parts of friendship. Our conversation is for their Patreon community, so you do have to subscribe to receive it. If you’re interested in doing so, visit right here. I’ll always appreciate the way Melanie and Sophie model solid, healthy friendship, and I sure loved exploring this topic with them.

LMNT Electrolyte Drink Mix: Speaking of Melanie and Sophie, I first heard about this product from them! It is so tasty and while I’ll mix it with cold water, I’ll also sometimes add it to my iced tea. Zero calories and the perfect pick-me-up on my workout days! Find it here, too.

Greetings from Your Hometown by the Jonas Brothers: Listen, I know the world is focused on another singer and her fun engagement news (it’s a love story and baby, she said yes!), but Faith and I have long been Jonas Brothers fans. Last week, while driving her back to college, we listened to their new album halfway to Texas. It’s fantastic and full of catchy, fun tunes!

Weighted Blanket: My girly requested this for her college room, and she’s been very happy with it. Plus, it’s machine washable!

Sheet Set: I’ve bought a few sets of these, including for Faith’s college room. They’re very soft and at a great price point!

Towel Set: Have I shared these before? Yes, I have. Is it worth sharing them again? Yes, it is. I’ve bought 3 or 4 sets of these this past year for a hodgepodge of folks, and I’ve heard only complements about them! David and I have one set in our bathroom, and they work great for us, too!

Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman: This classic devotional is so rich and beautiful, and I can certainly see why it’s stood the test of time. I learned that its author, Lettie Burd Cowman, wrote it to encourage herself as she cared for her dying husband. It has never been out of print since it was first published in 1925. Remarkable! if you’d like to get a jump on Christmas shopping, the copy I linked to is nice and compact and would make a good stocking stuffer!

The Changing Nest: A 12 Day Devotional for the Mom of the Graduate The season of kiddos springing from the nest is upon us. If that’s a reality for your life stage–or the life stage of someone you know–then I wrote this for you and your loved one.

Peach Crisp with Maple Cream Sauce: I made it without the maple cream sauce but added Blue Bell Vanilla Ice Cream instead. YUM.

That’s all for now, dearheart! Sending each of you lots of love this late August!

Kristen

To see a previous These Are a Few of My Favorite Things list, visit here. Amazon links are affiliate links, which add no extra cost to the purchase price or to you. You can visit all those links and more at my Amazon affiliate store here.

The post These Are a Few of My Favorite Things: Summer Wind Down appeared first on Kristen Strong.

A couple of months ago, I had a doctor’s appointment that was in a word… disappointing. I scheduled the appointment because I wanted guidance on how to walk through this whole *waves hand in the air* perimenopause stage that has me feeling like a stranger in my own body. When I explained my symptoms to the doctor amidst tears, she acted like I was explaining that the sun comes up in the east and sets in the west. In other words, she looked mighty bored and disinterested.

And despite being armed with information about my supplements and eating habits and ready to talk about all the things that might help or hinder my frustrating symptoms, none of that entered our conversation. My doctor didn’t ask and didn’t seem to care.

But hey, she looked all of 15 years old, so how was she supposed to understand what being 50 feels like? (Said with no small amount of sarcasm.)

It’s super fun to vulnerably turn your heart inside out to someone — only to have that person not receive what you’re saying. (Said no one.)

After my appointment, I speed-walked back to my car. And when I pulled the car door shut, I cried yet again. This office came highly recommended, and it took five months to get an appointment. I had been so incredibly hopeful that I would leave with reassurance and practical care options. Instead, I left with frustration and a heaping dose of disappointment.

Now let’s contrast that to my most recent visit to the same office, but with a different doctor. While I was only scheduled for my yearly well check, the doctor asked if I had anything I’d like to discuss. I took the opportunity to relay a lot of the same info I had relayed to her colleague two months earlier. But unlike my last visit, this doctor listened intently and asked several follow-up questions, told me she understood what I was going through, and offered numerous options for what I could do next.

After this appointment, I practically skipped to my car, contemplating a few twirls in the parking lot à la Maria von Trapp in The Sound of Music. As I pulled my car door shut, I proceeded to message a girlfriend in my same life stage and relay my positive experience to her.

What a difference a kind, listening ear can make in helping one feel validated and capable rather than crazy.

While you may not be in my stage of life, you likely know what it is to be flattened by words that at best discourage you and at worst break your spirit.

Read the rest of this article here.

Listen to the article read in its entirety here.

Feeling desperate for friends? Check out my latest book released just a few months ago! (Affiliate link.)

The post What Helps You Feel Capable Instead of Crazy appeared first on Kristen Strong.

I realize it’s rather unpopular to say summer is my best friend, as summer can be your worst enemy depending on where you live. But summertime is magic time here in Colorado; our reward for 17 months of winter (give or take). So, in my book, its arrival is extra special like a best friend!

Anyhoo.

In honor of summer, here are some things I’m enjoying this June! I hope you find a thing or two that will bless you and yours as well.

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things:

“I Know a Name” song by Brandon Lake with CeCe Winans: Oh my stars, I’m listening to it on repeat.

Pride & Prejudice Book Vase: Both my daughter and I love Jane Austen, especially P&P. So, when I came across this vase, I decided to get it as a birthday present for her last month. I filled it with roses from the grocery, sat it out with her birthday gifts, and she loved it. (I also just came across this version of it. Plus, there’s a Little Women vase and an Anne of Green Gables vase too!)

God’s Wisdom for Navigating Life by Tim Keller with Kathy Keller: This is a 365 daily devotional based on the book of Proverbs. David, Faith, and I are reading through part of it this summer, and we really like it. The readings are short but meaty!

Short-Sleeved Top: I ordered this top last week, and I’ve already worn it 3 times! It’s comfy, cute, and it has shape to it without being tight. And in true Amazon fashion, it comes in a bunch of colors.

Woven Placemats: I ordered these a while back and love them! I’m kind of a big nerd that loves to set a pretty (but non-stuffy) table, and these work beautifully for summer!

American Flag: I bought this before Memorial Day, and it looks great. If you’re wanting a flag for the 4th, it’s a great option!

Nail Kit: I bought this nail kit to replace the one my daughter swiped. It’s also at a great price point.

Mandarin Orange Chicken Salad: This is a favorite recipe of Faith’s, and I made this soon after she arrived home from Spain. I used a rotisserie chicken, too, so I avoided heating up the house by cooking chicken.

Sunflower Candle: My son bought me this for my birthday, and I love it! The candle is slow burning and smells good without being overpowering (I do NOT like a super strong candle!). The box is embedded with sunflower seeds, and it contains directions on how to bury the box (after you tear it up). Then, you watch and wait for the sunflowers to grow! I planted my box, so I’ll be in touch as to whether the seeds sprout or not! There’s other plant candles available too, including lavender, basil, and red poppy.

Tru Fru: These are the perfect bite-sized treat, especially for summer. My daughter and I love them! Our grocery store, King Soopers, carries dark chocolate covered blueberries, too!

Desperate Woman Seeks Friends by yours truly: Author Lisa Whittle wrote in my book’s foreword, “I love a lot of things about this wonderful book: Kristen’s willingness to go first, tell the truth about friendship, and help us in this place where we all sometimes feel at a loss. I love her warmth. Her authenticity. Her kindness.”

Several people have told me this nonfiction book is fast-paced, so it reads a little differently than a lot of nonfiction. If you’re interested in it, here is where it’s available for a great price.

That’s all for now, dearheart! Sending each of you lots of love this summer!

Kristen

To see a previous These Are a Few of My Favorite Things list, visit here. Amazon links are affiliate links, which add no extra cost to the purchase price or to you. You can visit all those links and more at my Amazon affiliate store here.

 

 

 

 

 

The post These Are a Few of My Favorite Things: Summer Is My Best Friend appeared first on Kristen Strong.

Recently, I found a pic of me, all chubby and smiley at 3 years old, standing in front of my cousin’s pool. My cousin’s family and my family lived on the same lane, called O’Neill Lane. Everyone living on that lane had the last name of O’Neill.

As a kid, it felt rather “bougie” to have access to a pool every single day of the summer. At the time, I basically thought we were the Ewings on Dallas.

Note: We definitely weren’t the Ewings. But with a well of extended family that ran as deep as it ran wide, we had wealth in relatives.

What’s more, I had a good number of friends.

At 18, I left O’Neill Lane for the university 50 miles “down the road.” While there, I began dating one David Strong. When things turned serious, we started talking about marriage. Since David was in the process of becoming an officer in the United States Air Force, I knew that hitching my horse to his wagon meant we’d most likely leave Oklahoma.

Sure enough, after marrying, we moved to our first duty station in Ohio. About 10 minutes after arriving, my husband left town for training. I still remember looking out our apartment window and thinking about how I went from knowing almost everyone to knowing not a single soul.

What I know now is that making friends is an art and a skill, and back then I didn’t have much of either. Why would I? Because I’d organically grown up with friends, by and large, I never had to make them. And let me tell you, in those early years of living away from O’Neill Lane, I made mistake after mistake that completely sabotaged my efforts to find new friends in my new state.

Here are three ways I sabotaged my effort to make friends — and how I learned to supercharge my friendships instead:

1. I expected others to put in the work to become friends that I wasn’t willing to put in myself. When I transferred as a senior music major to a college in Ohio, I assumed it would be obvious to those within my small music school that I was the new person. Therefore, I expected other people to introduce themselves to me and welcome me into their circles. I didn’t realize I had to put in the work myself to “go first” in that regard. And while this was hard because it was new to me, it was still easier to do in an environment full of people around the same age and stage of life. The older we are, the harder this is because we have to be more intentional about meeting people.

But whether you’re 18 or 80, when you’re diligent to put in that time and effort, you will reap the rewards of a harvest of friendships.

2. I adopted a victim mentality. When my efforts to connect were rejected, I adopted a victim mentality; I coughed up excuse after excuse as to why I couldn’t make friends.

I can’t find friends here because no one is interested in knowing me.I can’t find friends here because people aren’t as friendly as they are in Oklahoma. I can’t find friends here because all the people already have their people.

And while some of that was absolutely true (when you transfer colleges as a senior, people do already have their people!), I let those excuses be the beginning and end of the matter. I was like the invalid by the Bethesda pool who wanted the waters to heal him, but when Jesus asked, “Do you want to get well?”  he made excuses. The invalid was genuinely handicapped by his circumstances, but with Jesus, he wasn’t completely helpless. When Jesus told the invalid to “Get up!”, the man got up. I sensed Jesus asking me to Get up! rather than sit on the belief that I was set up for failure.

And eventually, that intentional time and effort spent “getting up” and meeting others paid off in friendships.

3. I set sky high expectations that no human could ever meet. 

Read the rest at my other writing home, (in)courage.

Listen to the article read on our podcast here.  

I’ve written a brand new book on friendship, Desperate Woman Seeks Friends , that has officially released! Find it here or wherever you like to purchase books!

The post What Will Sabotage and Supercharge Your Friendships appeared first on Kristen Strong.

Well, May has about kicked my tail, but I’m making it through! How are you doing this Maycember?!

My girl is officially home from Spain, so you know I’m happy as a pig in mud.

Also? I’m happy to have Desperate Woman Seeks Friends out in the world! Well, I’m also tired, but I’m happy! If you’ve read it, drop me a line to let me know what you thought! My birthday is today, so if you’d like to give me a present, a review of Desperate Woman Seeks Friends would be fire, as the kids say! (Actually, my kids would probably tell me I’m still using it wrong, but whatevs! I mean that it would be great!)

Here are some things I’m enjoying in life post book launch as I start to feel like a whole person again. So, onward and upward with These Are A Few of My Favorite Things!

These Are A Few of My Favorite Things: Now That I Feel Human Again

Pot Roast: I made this for my son when he was home earlier this month, and he loved it. It’s SO easy and SO tasty!!

Artificial Hanging Wisteria: My girl came home from Spain one week after her birthday, so I wanted to make sure that the house looked festive as we celebrated her 22nd birthday belatedly. I bought and hung this wisteria with her birthday banner, and it looked so pretty! And because Faith loves plants and flowers, I’m 100% sure these will accompany her to where she’ll be living for her senior year at Texas A&M.  

I also ordered these hanging flowers for her too! And if you like the birthday banner pictured above, I ordered her this customizable one here. 

Electrolyte Powder: I add this to my protein shake and love it, especially on workout days. 0 calories for the win! 

Honest Lavender Lotion: Hummingbird Farms’ lavender citrus lotion is still my favorite lavender lotion, but this is a great less expensive option too. 

Wedge Sandal: I first heard Melanie Shankle talk about these on the Big Boo Cast, and I ordered them as I’ve worn my current wedge sandals plumb out. These look so pretty on, and I found they fit my narrow feet rather well! 

Blow Dryer Brush: I bought this earlier this month when the one I had stopped working. Well, this one works like a DREAM. Basically, I let my hair dry 3/4 of the way on its own, and then I use this baby to dry it the rest of the way. It dries hair super fast and makes my too-curly-to-be-straight-too-straight-to-be-curly hair look fab! 

Curling Iron: April was not a good month for my hair accessories! My curling iron also died, so I reordered this one. It’s inexpensive and works great! 

Portable Speaker: I bought this for each of my sons, and they love it. It’d make a great grad gift too!

Weighted Vest: Tell me you’re Gen X without telling me you’re Gen X: You have a weighted vest or have thought about buying one! Sometimes, I wear it around the house, and I always wear it out and about on my evening walk too. Here’s to heart health! 

Frito Chili Cheese Salad: I’ve made this recipe approximately 928 times, and it’s always a hit! It’s great for any summer picnics or barbecue’s! 

Shrinking: This is a show on Apple+, and I loved it. Before we started watching it my husband felt sure he would not like this show, but lo and behold, he did! It does have a good deal of language and adult themes, so if that kind of thing makes you clutch your pearls, you might skip this one. 

Kristen & Friends Conversations: If you order a copy of Desperate Woman Seeks Friends in any format, you can receive my 5 conversations with Kari Kampakis, Jodie Berndt, Barb Roose, Jenny Erlingsson, and Holley Gerth for FREE. I LOVED these chats because every one of these women brings SUCH valuable insights into the friendship discussion. To learn more about these conversations or receive them right in your inbox, simply follow this link. Scroll a bit and then you’ll find directions for first ordering the book and second filling out the simple form to receive the conversations! 

That’s all for today, dearhearts. I hope you have a blessed week. I’m off to have birthday cake–my favorite!

Much love to you and yours,

Kristen

To see a previous These Are a Few of My Favorite Things list, visit here. Book links and Amazon links are affiliate links, which add no extra cost to the purchase price or to you. You can visit all those links and more at my Amazon affiliate store here.

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Sometimes I think that if you’d met me 25-30 years ago, you might not have liked me so much.

I was a friend who could bring the “extra,” and I’m not talking fun stuff like extra queso or guacamole. I mean that I could overwhelm the everlovin’ daylights out of a friend.

Eventually, I became aware of the several blind spots I brought into friendships. But even as the “rinse and repeat” nature of military life taught me what works and doesn’t work to make friends, I learned that making friends can be incredibly hard. I can do all the “right” things and still strike out.

Maybe you can relate?

However you came to be lonely, it’s terribly painful in that it makes a heart feel like it’s getting squeezed in half.

Enter Desperate Woman Seeks Friends–the book I wish I’d had as a young’un who didn’t have a clue as to how to do this whole (waves hands in the air) “make friends thing.” I wrote this for that girl, certainly. AND because it’s never been harder to make friends than it is today, I wrote it for the modern woman struggling with the same thing.

Her story–your story!–could be very different from mine, but the struggle is the same.

I wrote Desperate Woman Seeks Friends for:

The twenty- or thirtysomething needing help in connecting with people beyond high school and college–and who speak in full sentences (aka not your tiny children).The forty something trying to find a real friend in your fast-paced work environment.The fifty something who realizes you’ve spent years encouraging your kids’ friendships yet are sorely lacking in your own.The sixty- or seventy-year-old in the stage of life when your kids are busy with their own kids and you need to widen your circles.The eighty and older person who just wants to know how to use your years of immense, hard-fought wisdom to be a welcoming place for others.

I wrote it for the military spouse who’s moving again and the single gal whose friends have moved again and the person who is plumb tired of catching new people up on her old personal stories. I wrote it for the woman who’s been established in her town for a decade or two and for the person who just moved there.

And today, THIS BOOK IS OUT IN THE WORLD!! 

Through a whole lotta life experience that’s seen me through every friendship circumstance under the sun, I learned how to process rejection and friendship breakups in a way that keeps me from spinning in the What-did-I-do-wrong? or “What happened?” cycle. And I learned how boundaries are our friends and about how to keep my expectations reasonable within a friendship. Most of all, I learned how to be a good friend to myself AND how to be a good friend to others so I can enjoy deep friendships with others.

It’s my hope and prayer that by the time you finish Desperate Woman Seeks Friends, you’ll know more about how to do the same. Most of all, I want you to know that while friends may fail you, your Friend Jesus never will.

Desperate Woman Seeks Friends is a sassy big sister who wants to show you how you can get from where you are to where you’d like to be. I’ll be honest, though: This book is full of real talk. So be prepared for some tell-it-like-it-is truth and vulnerable stories. (Heaven knows writing this one gave me a vulnerability hangover!)

Yep, my name is Kristen, and I’ve been desperate for friends. Have you? Are you? If so, may this book be a bold companion to you as we walk together from a place of desperate to delight.

Visit here for a list of retailers OR purchase directly from Amazon, B&N, or Christianbook. Of course, you can find Kindle and audiobook versions too!

BONUS OFFERING!!

The preorder bonuses are gone, but I have a brand new gift for you:

Introducing Kristen & Friends Conversations: Order Desperate Woman Seeks Friends and get all 5 conversations for FREE! 

I had such great conversations with these ladies on:

Helping our daughters and other young women in our lives build strong friendshipsFinding community in new placesBuilding deep relationships with introverts and extrovertsThe wisdom (or not) of having one best friendFinding community in every season of motherhood from the little years to the Empty Nest yearsVarious friendship confessions–truths about making friends that aren’t talked about so much.

To read more about these conversations, simply visit here and scroll down a bit. 

To receive these conversations, simply order the book and then fill out the form below the list of booksellers.

It’s my hope and prayer that these offerings are truly a help to you as you try again to find and maintain the friendships you need. May God bless and keep you, dear one!

Some book links are affiliate links.

The post Desperate Woman Seeks Friends Is Here! (As is an extra gift for you!) appeared first on Kristen Strong.