Sabrina Zollo's Blog

In my last blog post, I mentioned that I would write about OCD.

Did I say OCD? I meant ADD.

Speaking of which…so good.

Hahahaha…am I weird that I love this?

5 years later, still so good.  A classic.

Oh, what was I doing again?

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And by Living with Type A, I mean how you can better support your Type A significant other or friend. Once you understand us, you’ll realize we’re always right.

Firstly, a point of clarification: Type A is not OCD. I will be covering OCD in a different entry.

Important Motivators of Type A Folk:

1) Perfection – Who cares if this is technically impossible? We are forever haunted by the possibility and will compromise our health and sanity in the pursuit of nirvana, which any Buddhist will tell you is possible.

2) Efficiency – Type A people don’t like people or objects, but especially people, that get in their way of getting things done in a timely manner. Don’t judge, just get out of their way and no one will get hurt.

3) To Do List – Nothing is more thrilling than crossing off an item on the To Do List, second only to closet organizers. Forgive me for stating the obvious, but if it is not captured on a To Do List, it is not worthy of your time and attention.  Once you realize this, your life will thank you.

Failure to meet any of the above three objectives may result in stress, shortness of breath and night sweats. But don’t worry, this is just a temporary blip on the path to perfection.

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This is a story about me and why you don’t think I’m funny. Trust me, I’m hilarious. Here’s why.

Funny people are lateral thinkers 

Their brains connect dots in non-linear, sporadic manners. This unexpectedness can sometime result in humour.

In my case, it creates misunderstanding. I assume that everyone’s with me when I connect points d, m, a, and k and state something seemingly unrelated like, “I guess that’s why realtors never marry economists.” In these cases people usually laugh, but they’re laughing at me. This represents my high school years.

Funny people are experts at deadpan sarcasm 

Armed with this somewhat useless talent, I don’t realize how perfectly deadpan I am and in many cases, unwittingly come off as bitchy or dumb, or both. Even more unfortunately, I have a blind comfort in awkward silences and miss the chance to clarify.

What I’ve learned on being funny

It’s come as a shock in my adulthood to discover through a series of awkward silences, blank stares and mocking laughter that my brain doesn’t quite think like that of other people. While some may call this abnormal, I call it the ability to be funny or creative.

I’ve learned that I need to take people along from the beginning of my meandering thoughts so that when I blurt the punchline, it’s obvious. And hysterical.

But I’m still learning. So if you’re up for taking a different route through town, I invite you to ride along with me. I promise you’ll laugh somewhere along the way.

I’m glad I wore a sweater tonight. Mind you, I was uncomfortably hot and perspiring most of the evening but I knew the night would cool down and I would be cold and wishing I had worn a sweater.

Although most of the evening I wish I had not worn a sweater, I am now glad I made the sacrifice in the past to preempt my potential future discomfort, which is now the pleasantly present, and the past is but a fleeting memory of inconvenience and pit stains.

I shared my musings with a friend.

“Oh, I just brought a cardigan that I could layer on top when I get cold,” she said. “And I’ve been the perfect temperature all night!

And with that, my present was uncomfortable yet again.

Top 5 reasons why straight girls need a male gay best friend for the Pride parade (Toronto version).

1. He gives you an excuse to check out the lubed up men with the sole reason of picking one out for him.

2. You’d have a much better chance of getting on a float.

3. He can help you get the attention of that hot bartender at Woody’s, even if it’s hopeless.

4. He shares your great taste in music and will dance shamelessly with you to Madonna, Cher and Lady GaGa.

5. You can hob knob with Kathleen Wynne at the parade.

Happy Pride, all.

Ignorance is bliss, much like my experience when I don’t wear glasses. I have 18/20 vision, which is just enough to make do driving in familiar streets but not enough to see the anger in people’s faces when you cut them off. Or the actual car that you cut off, for that matter.

18/20 vision is like TV without HD – before news personalities had to get Botox. It blurs the undesirable parts, like mirrors in bikini change rooms. Would the world be a better place if everyone saw it through the lens of 18/20 vision? Speaking from experience, no, eye sight is critical most of the time, like when you need to see where you’re going.

But when you get there, I recommend taking off your glasses and being happily unaware of the food stuck in your teeth or that the person you’re waving to is a complete stranger or the pointed looks you’re getting for speaking too loudly on your cell phone. Just be happy you got there, if only for a bit.

In honour of International Chick Lit Month, and my favourite chick lit novel, Why I Love My Gay Boyfriend, which also happens to my own novel, I attempt to demystify why smart women love chick lit.

1. Guilty Pleasure – women like to know that someone is unluckier and clumsier than them but so darn loveable at the same time!

2. Intrigue and Giggles – a one-stop shop for torrid affairs, silly humour and exclamation marks!

3. Happy Ending – get the guy, get revenge, emerge victorious.

4. Female Indulgence – there’s a girly girl in all of us and chick lit is unapologetically for women.

5. Light Fun -  we work hard and we work a lot. At the end of the day, there’s only so much room in our brains.

Which is why, as a courtesy, I’m ending this list at 5.

I possess both the privilege and ignorance to believe there is nothing better than all-day Sunday brunch. When we found a nearby parking spot across from the brunch place…well, this was worthy of forsaking any sense of cool and celebrating with a high five.

While paying for parking, I noticed the brunch place looked ominously dark. I ran over to check. An employee was smoking outside and informed me with well-restrained satisfaction that the restaurant had just closed. He added unnecessarily, “I saw you high-fiving when you found that parking spot.”

I was disappointed more so by my loss of cool than loss of brunch. Was parking really that sparse in Toronto or were we really that obnoxious?  In any case, I suppose I’m glad we could provide some form of entertainment.

Warning: YouTube spoiler alert.

Him: I was thinking – if you needed to get bailed out of a late night underground poker game, I would totally be there for you, after watching some bare knuckle fighting…

Her: And if I had to describe you to a forensic artist, I would not reference a garden gnome, but your bulge.

Him: Thank you, YouTube, thank you.

Photo: guardian.co.uk

For those that know me, being funny does not come naturally to me, and most of the time, it does not come at all.

But what does come easily, since I’m so shallow, is fashion. And since I’ve been wearing clothes my whole life, that does make me somewhat of an authority on the topic.

So in the absence of having something witty and funny to blog about, I’ve written my first fashion blog on how to bring spring trends to work.

Leather

You no longer have to rock the casbah to rock full leather dresses or pants. But if you don’t understand why the dominatrix look may be career limiting at work, then perhaps this tip is not relevant for your line of work.

A more appropriate way to incorporate leather into the workplace would be with leather accents or trim on clothing, such as these cute black pants or fabulous skirt from Club Monaco.

And yes, ladies, they’re on sale. You’re welcome.

Bold Florals

Bold floral prints are blossoming this season all over pants and perhaps borderline disturbingly on entire head-to-toe outfits.

If you don’t feel like looking like a flower shop exploded on your outfit, a more appropriate way to bring florals to work is to contain the pattern in a scarf, such as this lovely scarf from Zara.

Bold Stripes and Black & White

The fashion world has adopted the stripe trend with a Beetlejuice-like fervour. For the more emotionally stable, a classic striped shirt is a versatile layering piece that will sustain past spring. Hit two trends in one by going with black and white stripes.

The simplicity of this trend begs for a little personality, like this fun striped sequin tee from J. Crew.

The Bottom Line: The key with runway trends is not to look like an insane asylum escapee by choosing a classic, toned down version for the workplace.