Mandy DeGeit's Blog

No one knows.
They cannot ever find out.
Sadness is mine alone.
I don’t let anyone understand.

I sit alone.
They stay in my presence.
Unaware of the danger.
I won’t let anyone ever get close again.

I walk separately.
They want me to be theirs.
Belonging means nothing.
Love is too easy to give up on.

I stand independently.
They will never have my heart.
Outside hides my pain.
You can’t see my tears in the rain.

Mandy DeGeit

Hiya lovelies!

Much has happened since the last post. I’ve relocated, somewhat unsuccessfully to Ottawa, but am here, am happier than I was in the Maritimes. The ex and I are still in the same line of limbos for now, we’ll have to start talking eventually, I’ve got boundaries now.

Slowly, I’m chipping away the protective covering I wrapped around myself to survive whatever the last 13 years was. I’m not saying he did this, we are responsible for ALL our own decisions…

I allowed this to h...

Another load taken from the house, less evidence of our coupling.

Stripping down a decade of dreams into boxfilled car loads of things I never want to look at again.

The house sits empty but the whispers of false promises echo from within its walls. 

I try not to listen.

The bedroom still smells like us… 

I’ve been absent from those kind of thoughts for a long time. 

Trip by trip, I negate myself from this life, with few plans to what’s next. 

Leaving behind rotten hope; the...

My life fell apart in the last few years.
Covid was fine, but the years that followed after 2020, definitely went to hell.

Things went wrong, like everything.

I lost pretty much all things, my health failed, my marriage shit the bed, and found myself in financial ruin again… the usual mid-life crisis kinda thing I suppose.

I moved on my own in July, got prepared to start over and take my job, which I love, and move on, again, with my stupid life that keeps taking a piss every decade or so.

Last W...

Done. You took away parts of me.
Holes gouged deep in my persona.
Bits of data mined from a larger program.
The computer now runs obsolete.

Fill the holes with stuff and things.
Eat, smoke, drink, replenish the void.
A temporary fix to the problem.
Depletion eventual, empty again inside.

Try to fill the gaps with people.
Not someone to have or hold, just friends.
Reach for people who come close enough.
Anyone, to make me feel anything.

Gone. You gave up sooner than I.
You have harvested my hopes ...

It’s been seven months since I left the farm.
I moved in an apartment on July 1st 2025.

As for our marriage, there was no reconciliation.

What lead us to that outcome, what pushed us apart, why we couldn’t fix things, how could things have been different, did we not try hard enough, none of that matters anymore… but it doesn’t mean I don’t think about it. Doesn’t mean I don’t think of how I failed once again, all the time. Some of us have moved on and the rest of us hope that we are shortly behind...

Well then, it seems my last blog post didn’t age very well.

“I don’t think I could write anything that would explain how perfect my 2015 was. Between our wedding, my near death, my graduation and our purchasing the farm,”

Without getting too much into it, the last ten years were…
Meh.

2025 was the toughest.
I lost everything.

The marriage is over. There were more life-altering health problems. I’m working a management job again – no fine dining. My family is done (marriage gone and the dog died) and n...

I see a lot of people talking about posting blog posts about their 2015 year. While I had an amazing 2015, I don’t think I could write anything that would explain how perfectmy 2015 was. Between ourwedding, mynear death, mygraduation and our purchasing the farm, that alone would have taken up a multitude of pages on the world-wide inter webs and there’s no way I could begin to have done that year justice.

Instead, I’ve decided to post about what’s to come in Mandy da Costa’s life… Yeah, I’ve...

I’m getting married… In exactly 29 days. I’m not sure when I decided to bake my own wedding cake, but I know it was a good idea at the time. With the deadline quickly approaching, maybe I don’t exactly feel the same now. I’ll get it done, I have to, and it will be amazing. I hope it looks amazing when I’m done. I could always blame the “cake place”, had I not already told everyone that I was going to make my own cake, but it’s far too late for that.

This is actually the second, first layer. I...

Well that exciting. I just ordered a Sansaire Sous Vide machine as a belated bday gift from the boy. :)��He was going to get me a cake airbrush, but then I figured��why not get something I’ll use more often. There’s not much we don’t have for the kitchen so I opted for something I’ve been wanting.

For the readers who aren’t really sure what sous vide is, it’s french for under vacuum. You seal the food item into an airtight bag and place it in a temperature controlled water bath, low and slow....