Evelyn Deshane's Blog

I’ve been gone for a couple months now, but I come back with four new titles. Check out my Francis Gideon tab for more details on each work. I also have a site totally dedicated to that pen name now, which you can check out here.

Here are the covers of the books, along with buy links and their covers. They are available from JMS Books. :)

 

Other People

Cover by JMS Books.

Contemporary Horror, Crime, and Romance. 41,000 words.

Carl and John broke up a month ago, much to Carl’s relief. When Carl answers John’s urgent phone call, he finds out that John has been attacked, has killed the attacker, and now must dispose of the body. Carl rushes to help, for what he hopes is one night only. But after seeing the crime scene and remembering his past, Carl reconsiders whether or not seeing other people was a good idea after all. 

E-book available here from JMS Books.

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Born This Way

Cover by JMS Books.

 

Contemporary Gay Transgender Romance. 42,000 words.

Ever since he came out as a gay transgender man, Jacob Matthews feels as people only care about his past. Jacob tries to overcome this feeling by blending in at the local gay bar Boy Division, talking to no one and watching gay men from the sidelines. But when Jacob hooks up with a stranger who understands him with a single look, Jacob soon realizes that staying quiet no longer satisfies him. 

 E-book available from JMS Books.

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Midnight Swim

Cover by JMS Books.

 

Contemporary Erotic Sports Romance. 7,900 words.

Devon Landry is a man bound by his routine at the gym, but also in daily life. When Wolf, a friend of the gym’s owner, offers him extra pool time after hours, Devon must call in sick for work and completely change his schedule, or risk missing out on a mysterious offer with other implications beyond learning how to swim.

Coming in June 2014.

Cover by JMS Books.

This is my new novella! I’m very excited for this one, because it involves discussions of philosophy, music, and references to SLC Punk!. I was shocked at how much I enjoyed writing the characters. I have plans to continue this series with a Christmas story and possibly something else. For now, here is the blurb and buy links:

Liam, Bart, and Evan have been best friends since all of them met in college. Though Liam is straight, he makes an effort to take out his two friends to all the gay bars in their city. Liam acts as the matchmaker for many of his gay friends, but he has not made the connection between Evan and Bart. At least, not yet.

Evan and Bart find themselves drawn towards one another through their shared love of punk music and video games, but unable to make a move. Evan, a former drunk who is still working on getting his life together, fears his own weakness in the face of alcohol and the pressures of his family. Bart, a runaway from his home state of Utah and his Mormon family, still struggles with what he is allowed to believe.

After Liam breaks up with Sarah, his best friends Bart and Evan meet at his apartment for a night of conciliatory drinking. When they arrive to find Liam’s place empty and messier than ever, the two of them are forced to wait until their friend shows up. Through a series of flashbacks and heartfelt conversations, Bart and Evan learn that they have waited long enough for one another. By the end of the night, Liam, Evan, and Bart all hope for their broken hearts to be mended, but it may take more effort than usual.

Release Date: Sunday, February 2nd, 2014 @ JMS Books.

This is just available as an e-book. If enough copies are sold, though, it goes to a paperback. I appreciate everyone who does buy it as an e-book, so that can happen as quickly as possible. :)

I also made an 8tracks playlist for this novella, since music informs and influences so much of the character’s lives. It was such a fun writing experience to just talk about punk music, since I structure so much of my writing around songs and albums. I almost always have a soundtrack for everything I write or a song that I would consider a main theme/influence on the characters in the scene itself. Though pop punk bands like The Used, Taking Back Sunday, and Fall Out Boy do not really feature in the story (more old school punk, like Bad Brains and The Ramones), they were hugely influential for the style, setting, and characters as well. Fall Out Boy’s “Coffee’s for Closers” is an especially relevant song for the novella. I really hope you enjoy, even if you’re not a huge music fan.

 

 

Other exciting news: I’m going to have a few upcoming interviews to add to the site, like this one with Catherine. I’ve also signed another contract with JMS Books to publish a short novel (41k) that’s half horror story and half romance called Other People. I’m very excited, because I absolutely missed writing in that genre.

My short story called “Our Names” was published by Iris Magazine this month, along with a short micro piece called “Coming Out” by Vines Leaves Literary Journal. I’m also going to have a short story featured on The Human Echos Podcast, but more on that soon! :)

I hope everyone is well! Thank you so much for the support so far.

Hello again!

I hope everyone is having a wonderful New Year so far and everyone’s nursing their hang over the best they can. I think I’m far more excited for the new episode of Sherlock I’m going to sit down and stream in the next few hours, more than I am the New Year, though! Not that that is a bad thing. I have a feeling that 2014 will be an interesting year – and if I have half of the success I did in 2013, then I will be quite happy.

Right now, I have a few things I’m looking forward to in 2014. Two of which being – my novella and novel will be published!

I’m still in the process of finishing the revisions for the first publication on the list, a novella called Divine Intervention published with JMS Books. The manuscript clocks in at a little over 30k and is a contemporary romance involving a group of friends. Here’s a brief snippet from the back of the cover:

Liam, Bart, and Evan have been best friends since all of them met in college. Though Liam is straight, he makes an effort to take out his two friends to all the gay bars in their city. Liam acts as the matchmaker for many of his gay friends, but he has not made the connection between Evan and Bart. At least, not yet.

Evan and Bart find themselves drawn towards one another through their shared love of punk music and video games, but unable to make a move. Evan, a former drunk who is still working on getting his life together, fears his own weakness in the face of alcohol and the pressures of his family. Bart, a runaway from his home state of Utah and his Mormon family, still struggles with what he is allowed to believe.

After Liam breaks up with Sarah, his best friends Bart and Evan meet at his apartment for a night of conciliatory drinking. When they arrive to find Liam’s place empty and messier than ever, the two of them are forced to wait until their friend shows up. Through a series of flashbacks and heartfelt conversations, Bart and Evan learn that they have waited long enough for one another. By the end of the night, Liam, Evan, and Bart all hope for their broken hearts to be mended, but it may take more effort than usual.

I’m very excited about this work! Even more so because I have plans to write a Christmas story involving these characters, along with a sequel for this particular work. I was really surprised at how much I loved writing these guys. The title is a reference to the struggling notions of God, religion, and belief in love that the novella tries to discuss without too many politics – but it’s also the title to a Taking Back Sunday song I happen to love a lot, too.

Check out a soundtrack I made for the story here on 8tracks, if you’re curious to hear more than just TBS.

My other work coming out in 2014 is a novel with MLR Books. This is my first time working with them, and it’s been a good experience so far. I initially wanted to write something small for their “Food” prompt for the month of October. Well, my ‘short story’ about a vegan guy who worked at a grocery store spawned into this long and (I hope) rather endearing portrayal of two men trying to bake a cake, shop for food, and take care of their families. The book is tentatively called How to Make a Carrot Cake. Here is a short blurb for the back cover:

Nate Reid never considered veganism until he meets Billy Lawson, a skinny, quiet kid who works at the local grocery store. With Billy’s help, Nate slowly learns what he can and cannot make during the beginning months of their relationship until a family secret from Billy’s past threatens their bond. Will their conflicting desires in the kitchen make an exciting partnership or will Billy’s refusal continue to isolate him? Nate searches through cookbooks, his best friend Marlee’s advice, and his favourite novels from his college years in order to find answers for both of their futures.

Finally, I want to talk about a few other cool things: poetry! This December, I was lucky enough to be selected for a new poetry anthology with Chelsea Editions. They published two books related to gay men and their experiences; one of short stories and another of poetry. Major kudos goes to these guys for representing queer and trans* individuals who don’t quite fit the typical ‘gay man’ story in their work. I really appreciate being included in this. (Please note, I’m credited under my middle names Francis Zachary).

You can pick up the anthology here. Also, check out their other selections here.

The poetry press Minor Arcana books is releasing a short anthology called Drawn to Marvel: Poems About Superheros. Again, I was so, so lucky to be involved with this. They will be publishing my poem “Transformations” about Anne Sexton, fairy tales, and how the bedtime stories we tell our children have merged into the new mythology of comic books. Have I mentioned I’m excited for this book? I’m so happy to be included, mostly so I can get the contributor copy and read it myself. :)

irisnewfiction.org

A few more other updates, just because I have the time before Sherlock comes on. My short story entitled “Our Names” will be published by Iris New Fiction in their upcoming issue. This story is quite important to me because it has a transgender teenage boy and his anorexic girlfriend as the main characters. The important thing about this is that these characters both need medical help, therapy, and acknowledgement from the outside world – but the “illnesses” that both of them have are often so maligned in our culture that it can prevent people from speaking. I told the story in first person point of view to include the reader on these kids’ sides, from their points of views, to hopefully help facilitate understanding rather than judging.

Finally, here’s a short story I posted with Gay Flash Fiction for the road. A short piece, this is just long enough to read over morning coffee after a long night of bringing in the new year. :)

2013 was great to me – and I have a lot of readers, publishers, and friends to thank for it. So thank you! I hope 2014 is good for everyone around. Take care of yourself, and one another.

And don’t spoil Sherlock Season three for anyone too soon! ;)

I’m a bit late on the Christmas bandwagon, but I hope that everyone had a good holiday!

Canada (especially the Greater Toronto Area where I’m from) was hit pretty hard by an ice storm on the 21st/22nd. Lots of power outages that lasted through Christmas Day for some people, in addition to falling tree limbs and bad driving conditions. While the ice was shockingly beautiful and pretty apocalyptic in some situations, it did prevent me from blogging around the holidays. So I hope you’ll accept these belated wishes. Maybe a 40% off sale at JMS Books (where my two short ebooks, Tertium Non Data and Bad Secret Santa have been published) will make up for it? ;)

Cover by JMS Books.

On the 24th, I was lucky enough to have the wonderful Em Lynley feature me and my upcoming book on her blog. She hosted a great – and mouthwatering – Delectable December Event where m/m romance authors got together to blog about their books, Christmas, and recipes. Em Lynley also had her Gingerbread Palace book come out in December, and her novel Jaded. She’s done a lot of great work within the m/m romance genre and is definitely worth checking out.

At the end of November, I signed a contract with MLR Press for my contemporary romance novel called How to Make a Carrot Cake. Though the book is not Christmas-oriented, the title pretty much gives away what the two main protagonists fixate on for most of the novel: carrot cake. In this case, it’s about how to make something like this vegan and what being vegan would mean to both protagonists. Before anyone starts to worry about the ideology behind a lot of vegan politics – don’t. This is not, as Billy puts it in the novel, one of those “meat is murder” circumstances. Billy is not vegan for political reasons, but for something more domestic and family-oriented (not that those politics are bad, however; they are just not discussed in the novel or blog post about the novel). Being vegan for Billy is like rewriting his favourite recipes and creating something new. So, for Billy and Nate in the novel, the two of them strive to make something different together using whatever ingredients they have.

Head over to Em Lynley’s blog to get the full scoop on more recipes and books that centre on food — and check out my entry to see more about this upcoming title. I feature the carrot cake recipe that Nate and Billy strive to make, along with some vegan gingerbread cookies to keep people in the holiday spirit. :)

Cover by Meredith Russell. Anthology editor by RJ Scott.

Funnily enough, though I had two Christmas titles come out this year, none of them featured food. I sense this changing for next Christmas, however, especially since I already have a great idea percolating in my head for Nate and Billy – and how these two protatongists will spend Chirstmas next year. For now, I can’t wait until MLR Press releases this title.

And though it feels kind of late for Christmas songs, I simply must share this one by Rilo Kiley. This was featured on Maybe This Christmas Too a few years ago and I fell in love with it. Not your typical Christmas song about bells and angels, but about debt and depression. Quite bleak, but I’ve always loved it so much. Enjoy & stay safe for the rest of the holidays.

JMS Books has become my most recent publisher. They’re a great press, super organized and efficient, and this year, all the Christmas books are participating in a blog hop. My story Bad Secret Santa came out on December 1st, but there is still lots of time to celebrate until Christmas. The story, about a man who is roped into another office party and ends up finding out his Secret Santa is not exactly who he says he is, is mostly an erotic romance. Very short and (I’d like to think) very sweet.

If you’ve already read that, there there are still more than two weeks to sit around the fire and read some more December and winter holiday themed love stories. Here is what JMS and a bunch of other great authors have to offer:

The Firefighter in the Snow | Vivaldi in the Dark | Bad Secret Santa | Yule Be in my Heart

Christmas Serendipity | Happy Holidays with Contessa | Latte for the Holidays| A Christmas in Kent | Twinkle Twinkle

 

Away for the Holidays | Just the Three of Us | The Ghost of Christmas Past |The Gift of the Gay Guy | The Nutcracker

Nowhere to Hide | Holy Xavier | Christmas Deception | And We Will Live Happily

If you liked any of these, be sure to review them on Goodreads for the authors! They will appreciate it. :)

My short story entitled ‘Mistletoe and YouTube’ came out in the Love Lane Christmas Delights Anthology on December 1st.

Cover by Meredith Russell. Anthology editor by RJ Scott.

 

This is really exciting, mostly because now I can really start to celebrate Christmas without feeling like I’m jumping ahead too much. I suppose that’s the difficult thing about Canadian Thanksgiving. It’s much, much earlier than the American one (the first weekend of October for us) and there is a lot of time in between until the Christmas season really starts to hit. We did get snow where I am before Halloween, so maybe I should feel justified in listening to some Christmas songs in November. Maybe.

Another reason this is exciting is that it’s anthology, so I get to be alongside some really great authors. RJ Scott is kind of a whirlwind – she has done a lot of books in the past five years and I can only hope one day to have a backlog like she does. Check her out here at Love Lane and at her blog. You can check out the other authors in this collection at the website for the project, too.

RJ is doing a contest for the month of December, so I would really recommend checking that out. The prizes vary from Amazon gift cards to some of RJ’s work. Definitely a win-win situation. The anthology is free, too. Have I mentioned that yet? Because that’s a really great thing to do for the holiday season. And I know it’s not easy to edit and organize something like this, so mega thanks to her and her team.

The story is quite short (under 4k) and acts as a nice break and warm-up to the holiday season, I hope. The two characters talk about and discuss a YouTube video on the story, and I’ll leave this entry with the clip that inspired the work.

 

I plan on doing a lot more promo stuff this December, so you’ll no doubt hear from me again quite soon. For now, enjoy and stay warm!

 

Hello!

It’s been a while. Let me pick up where I left off.

Due to some personal and family reasons, I had to postpone my upcoming PhD. I still have every intention of going through with it (and studying bandom/fandom!) but this will hopefully happen in September 2014. I’m very pleased with the program, the profs, and everything else – but this small delay is exactly what I needed. I finished and defended my MA not even two months ago, and everything went smoothly there. I even had a big piece of paper worth a lot of money to prove it! My final thesis was entitled “Flesh Made Real: The Production, Reception, and Interpretation of Transgender Narratives.” The whole thing clocked in at around 51k with definitions, three appendices, and about 150 sources. Lots of fun there. I have plans for adding a chapter or two and then turning it into a proper book, but that will probably wait. Right now, I have a small part time job editing and a LOT of other projects I want to get off the ground. I’m going to attempt to summarize them as succinctly as I possibly can.

Publishing:

I’ve been publish now. Several times. Yay! :)  This summer, after talking to some of my students and colleagues, I realized it was ridiculous that I haven’t started to send out work. So I drafted and updated a few of my short stories and poems and got them out the door. A list on my tumblr page is a pretty good start (also – follow tumblr if you want writing updates or random things I find online, plus a ton of Hannibal stuff) and I’ll be updating the website to reflect a better list.

Right now, I’m pretty excited over my Halloween story The Collectors which Black Treacle published (and paid! so rare in the online magazine business and I want to express thanks once again for that). You can find the issue here. I would recommend checking the rest of the stories out!

The Dream Team has also just come out – for which I was the runner-up for the Christopher Hewitt Literary Award. Neat! Also, I like telling people to go read The Sea, since it was the first story I had published online. Go go!

Thanks to Kat, by the way, who has been doing some really sweet and beautiful (especially with the images she picks) for some of my short stories. Her blog is here and mostly in Polish, but she writes in English too.

Upcoming Stories:

I’m just going to drop two covers here, because I say they pretty much speak for themselves:

Cover by Meredith Russell. Anthology editor by RJ Scott.

Cover by JMS Books.

The first one is a Christmas anthology by R.J. Scott (lovely writer from Love Lane books) and will be published very soon. The anthology will be given away for free and is meant to help establish emerging writers in male/male romance. Slash stories, basically. And fun ones at that. There are a lot of really great writers of male/male romance out there – RJ being one of them. I’m particularly fond of Michael Thomas Ford right now, but it varies. Some people may be wondering if there is a different between male/male romance and gay fiction, and yes there is. It can be quite subtle in some cases (like with Ford’s books), but it really depends on formula. At least, this is how I categorize it. Romance formula remains pretty standard with their lengths, depictions, and also endings! Most romance has a HEA (happily ever after) or HFN (happily for now) requirement. Most of you who worry about me getting carried away with character death or ~sad things~ need not fear too much with these anthologies or publishers.

The story in Love Lane’s book is entitled “Mistletoe and YouTube” and is a nice, quick read. Check out my new “Francis Gideon” page on here for more details about that.

The other cover “Tertium Non Data” is from JMS books and is a short ebook (7,800k) of a historical male/male romance I wrote this summer. I’m very pleased with JMS and their work so far. Really nice people and quick response times. I plan on sending some of my manuscripts there in the future, but for now I have this story coming out in November. Here is the write up on the page. I also have a Christmas story coming out with them, but I will give updates on that when I know a little more and have a neat cover to share.

You’ve probably noticed the name. Yes. Francis Gideon is me and I’m going by yet ANOTHER pen name. I’ll add some details on the site about this soon, but for now, know that I use Francis Gideon whenever I write male/male romance. Easy enough, yes? :)

Writing:

I have several works in progress right now, which makes me infinitely excited. I have vague notions of producing at least five books while I’m off this year, but we’ll see. So far three (two previous ones I’ve revamped, and one new one) are at publishers. No guarantee they’ll be published there, but we’ll see.

One of the stories I’ve been working on this summer has been Driving Without Seatbelts. Some of you may remember this – it was a half-finished manuscript from before. I rewrote what I already had in the beginning (turning about 140k into 70k) and then added the end to it. It turned out to be a 220k beast, which I’ve cut down into three stories of about 50-100k. I’m hoping to get at least the first one professionally published and then see where the rest will take me.

The other books at publishers are a crime genre piece with a lesbian couple at the centre and a romance/drama/comedy piece with two gay male protagonists. I’ve been writing more crime fiction lately, which I’ve really enjoyed – along with some horror, too. (My story at Black Treacle was horror and one of my forthcoming ones with a Canadian based publisher is a dystopian future about a plague).

Fandom:

Speaking of crime and horror:

Okay, so I kind of became addicted to NBC’s Hannibal over the summer. I loved the initial movies/novels, but my appreciation grew so much when Bryan Fuller (of Pushing Daisies and other too short TV series) became involved and gender swapped so many of the characters. He’s done a dynamic job writing the series and is one of the best TV creators I’ve seen interacting with fans. The show is great and I probably reblog way too much stuff on my tumblr. I also wrote a few fan fics in this fandom and posted them on AO3. I have one full length story, which I hope to be posting a sequel to soon.

Fearful Symmetry by Gabi.

I’ve also been making a lot of fanmixes for the Hannibal fandom and the stories I’ve posted. I’ll be updating my 8tracks with some more mixes, since I have a tendency to make soundtracks for each piece I work on.

Editing:

Other than my paying job, I’m also the poetry editor at Prosaic Magazine right now. This basically means, if you submit poems on their wonderful website, I’m the one that sees them and reviews them, along with the head editor. I’ve also been contributing to the issues as well, with poems and interviews. There themes for each issue, so if you decide to contribute, be aware of them.

Why contribute to Prosaic? It’s free to do so and this is still a beginning magazine so we don’t get as many subs as some other huge ones yet. It’s a non-paying publication, so it’s perfect for someone just starting out and still trying to figure out the system.

Prosaic Magazine: Beginnings.

Academic:

I’m taking a small break from actual course work, teaching, and everything that comes with grad school – but I’m still working on a small project. My partner is helping me out with this, but stay tuned for updates about our ongoing transcription process and online journal archive for the medical journals and other ephemera from times spent in institutions. Right now, it’s been tentatively called The Diana Prince Project (using Wonder Woman as a code name, naturally), but it could change.

Right now I have a few forthcoming poems in zines and other online mags that deal with the creative side of this project. We’re both working on getting a website up by December, where people can use it as a resource data in addition to informative posts.

Publishing (again, yes):

Right now, I’m shopping around for some publishers and trying to get a better idea of the business. My MA is in something called “public texts” which basically means that a lot of the issues I looked at in my work involved publishing, copyright, the history of the book, and the industry as a whole. I have a good theoretical perspective to go into publishing and I’m taking a lot of this year to figure out how exactly it all works. The editing process, cover making, etc. I want to take this knowledge and eventually open up my own publishing house. I would be publishing my work – but I also want to get other people involved too. I’ve done a lot of interviews and partnerships with some really wonderful artists people over the past two years. And if they’re not published by someone, then I want to get it done for them.

Right now, I’m soliciting some people to help me create a really good opening array of titles for when the publishing house opens (at LEAST a year from now). But I’m also excited to take submissions from other people when the time comes, too.

I also want to work on getting together an online magazine (tentatively called Jonra, after this really common misspelling from twitter) where I would accept poetry and flash fiction related to a genre publication. Again, this would not be for a while (less than a year, but about that) but it makes me very excited to think about. In the next little while, this website will be turned into a platform for my own creative writing, but those other side projects as well.

Okay! I know I can get long winded, so I’ll point you to the too long, didn’t read version of this blog post:

Exciting things are happening!
New stories and new novels and new pen name and new publishers.
Hannibal!
Possible plans to make own publishing house and/or magazine.
I’ll keep everyone updated and this website will undergo revision soon.

As ever, I have a million projects on the go. I’m finishing up my MA and working on two editing projects with my school, along with attempting to do some creative writing on top of that. In addition to all the work behind a computer, I’m also moving soon! This is very exciting because 1) I’ll be living with my partner and 2) we’re moving to complete our PhDs. :)

Now, when MCR broke up, I said that I had a plan. The truth is, I’m still kind of figuring everything out, but my PhD is part of this plan. When I applied in January, the band was still together, but I knew that I wanted to work on something to do with them and fandom as a whole. Some of you may recall that I was initially writing my MA on this topic — that turned out to be too ambitious for that time period and I didn’t have the resources yet. Now that I do have these resources and the time with my PhD, and so I’m going to take that chance.

I’m very excited about this because it’s something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time now. And especially now that the band is no longer together, I think it’s even more important to complete this project. But since I want to focus not just on the music, but on the fans themselves, I’m definitely going to need everyone’s help.

Below I’m going to share with everyone my short (500 word) proposal that got me into my program that also works as a quick summary of what I intend on doing. Some people I’ve contacted already and have helped me run a trial ethnographic survey on the demographics of this fandom, but since that was a trial study and only about ten people, I’ll need to do it again. I will also need to start interviewing people in more depth (through Skype, email, or if you live close enough, in person) and I will probably have to start archiving certain things. But for the time being, since it’s just beginning to feel like summer and I still have an MA to finish, I am getting ahead of myself.

But keep this in mind. I’m very excited about it, but I’ll need a lot of help and I’d love to hear from you guys soon.

Statement of Interest

From Adoration to Serialization: Studying Bandom and Fan Writing

            My research will explore an overlooked part of fan community and fan media production called bandom. This term is a portmanteau of band and fandom and is predominantly used to refer to the fan communities surrounding popular emo bands such as My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, and those on the Fueled by Ramen label. These bands and their fans mark a change in the way audience and musician interact with one another and with the music itself. What I would like to study is the shift away from emulating the style of the icon as seen in past music subcultures, to actually inhabiting those roles in the form of fan writing, role playing, and media production. I intend on engaging with prior studies on music sociology, fan production, and media technology, in addition to conducting fan ethnography, in order to understand the cognitive, affective, and creative shift that is happening now online.

Prior music subculture studies have drawn particular attention to the ways in which fans mimic the style, attitude, and behaviour of the music genre they are involved in, as documented in Dick Hebdige’s Subculture: The Meaning of Style (1979). There have also been works that focus on individual artists and their fan base, usually iconic ones such as Elvis, Madonna, and Dolly Parton. Fan commitment here is expressed through adoration, collection, and information gathering with other fans. These expressions are still different than those which exist in bandom. Prior fan communities have sought to keep the icon intact as an object of worship, whereas in bandom fan cultures, the creative production of stories and other visual media creates a distinct culture within one that is already pre-existing. Bandom also uses the band members’ real life identity as its source text for productions, not the music they produce. The fan’s process of taking up these men as characters, not as real people, and using them as a filter for their own emotions makes this new type of subculture.

In Andy Greenwald’s book Nothing Feels Good: Punk Rock, Teenagers, and Emo (2003), he discusses the origins of the emo music scene and their focus on affect, but he does not directly link this affect to the ways in which fans express this through fan media production. As for fan fiction studies, Henry Jenkins’ book on fan writing Textual Poachers (1992) still remains an influential work, and other people such as Matt Hills (2002) and Jonathan Alan Gray (2007) have also added to the emerging canon on fan studies. Most of these works discuss fan fiction that deals primarily with text or visual sources, such as Harry Potter or Star Trek. There are very few people discussing what I see to be a distinct fandom inside of music communities and the affective experiences of these individuals. Through ethnographic research, I hope to be able to fill in the disparity between music sociology and fan studies.

This entry was very quick — and probably doesn’t answer near enough of the questions some people may have. Like, how can you actually study fandom and especially fan fiction? But like I’ve named dropped in the proposal, a lot of people already have (Henry Jenkins, Matt Hills) and a lot of people have talked about music (Simon Frith, Andy Greenwall), and I’ll just be filling in the minor blanks. Of course, it’s just a dissertation, (250-400) pages long, that I’ll have to write to get a degree, but it’s something that could be really great if I allow it to be. And hopefully I’ll get to talk more about this in later entries over the summer. I’ll also have some other exciting news to share as well, like possible publications and sharing some short stories, but we will see. :)

It has been a while since I’ve updated. I stated as much in my last post, since I was still really sad (and also really busy!) after I finished posting the sequel. I find it really odd now that it’s something equally sad that has suddenly sprung me back into posting: My Chemical Romance has ended. But I think most of you who still read this probably already knew that.

The fact is, I really didn’t enjoy my break from posting on here that much. Sure, I got a lot of work done and I have a lot of fun stories to tell about that, but anytime I’m not involved in this area — the band, writing, art and music in general — I feel as if there is something missing. The ubiquitous missing piece, as cliche as it sounds, always ends up feeling less like it’s missing when I’m either writing, creating something, or listening/reading other people who have created wonderful things. These cliches and naive statements, as much as I know they’re ridiculous, are so comforting.

I want this post to be short, but I don’t really do short that well. Even now with school or teaching obligations that I have, my mind ends up spiraling everywhere and all at once. But I will try, because I don’t want to get ahead of myself. I loved this band for such a long time and like everyone else that I’ve met through this story, they mean the world to us. But just because they end, does not mean the world ends. It’s not even a process of letting go now, either. It’s a process of creation all over again. Because endings give things meanings. Now that My Chemical Romance has ended, we actually can see their place in history and how they have affected us all at once. They wanted it to end when it needed to end, and so it has. But now we can step back from them, look at their work as a book or piece of art that is contained, complete. When they were perceptually keeping us in limbo and waiting from one album to the next, we had no idea what to think. But now we can create our own meaning about how they fit into our lives, and we can make something so completely wonderful out of that.

Their last live show.

At least, this is my hopeful intention. As soon as I found out that they were done, and I confirmed this by googling a million articles and then watching the fandom explode, I had two reactions: profound grief because they were my way of making meaning for such a long time. And then, I felt utter relief because now I could step back and start to understand that meaning and create something out of it.

I have a plan. I have many plans, in fact, but there are a few that have come to the surface as soon as I heard about their break up. And when I read Gerard Way’s most recent twitter post, my resolve was strengthened again:

I didn’t realize it, but I stopped being sad the minute that bird had come into my life, because there was something that needed doing, a small vessel to aid and an order to keep. I closed the door. I decided to write the letter I always knew I would.

This entire post ripped at me in all the best ways. Part of me finds it utterly ridiculous because REALLY? Really? We had to use a bird as a symbol for change and freedom? Really? Oh god. I see. But the whole thing made me realize just how much I missed doing what I really love the most — writing. I’ve been wandering around most of this weekend, because the sun is finally up for longer, and I had to do so much travelling, and thinking some of the same things that he does in this post:  ”I looked around and began to breathe. Things looked to be about the same- a beautiful day.” I really only feel the intense grief over this when I think of the past — but when I think of what I have coming up, and the things that I have planned, I am so excited that I cannot contain myself.

I have a story that is maybe halfway done that I am going to spend most of April and May completing. Then, I have much larger plans that I will need to put into action, but I will need all of your help completing.

But I am getting ahead of myself  There will be more updates soon enough, but for now, I will leave you all with one of my favourite songs:

As I promised in the other post about the cookbook, it is now the end of January and here are the short stories from Several Perceptions. Keep in mind they are all in third person and written in a different style than most of TDK and subsequent books. It was a fun experiment and I hope you enjoy it too. They are all in google documents and if there are any issues in accessing them, please let me know.

If you wish to order a book or epub of that, please go to lulu. If you want a kindle of it, please contact me. Thank you! :)

Roots: Jasmine discusses her family tree and how she descended from Vikings. The scene then moves to the dinner all four of them had together the first night back from Paris, and she goes out on the balcony with Thomas where they discuss dreams.

The Forgetting Disease: As mentioned, this is Bernard talking about his Alzheimer’s and how it feels being back in NJ. It’s when he decides to label everything so he does not forget. He also talks about Paris here, since it was when he developed symptoms.

The Apartment: The apartment itself releases smells that trigger nostalgia for whoever enters. The bulk of this story goes through everyone who has lived in the apartment, and what directions their memories went afterwards and what relationships it helped flourish. For instance,  when Thomas lived there when Bernard was away, the landlord came by to get rent but never ended up collecting it because all he thought about was his sick mother, and when Vivian entered, she would always flashback to art school.

Making Dinner and Remaking The Past: This is the night that Jasmine finally has dinner with Thomas and the power goes out. They make Pad Thai and are both stricken with an usual hunger that will not be satisfied, no matter what they eat. Over dinner, they both discuss whether or not it is possible to live beyond what your family heritage dictates.

A Secular Night In Winter: Told in five vignettes,  it depicts Christmas Eve and into Christmas day for all four of them. No dialogue is used and it’s mainly different descriptions. The recital that is mentioned in the first part of December where Cassandra plays Wagner happens, along with a fight from Vivian. Marc and Alexa’s kids insist on different ornaments for the tree; Jasmine and Thomas actually spend the night together, as do Bernard and Vivian. Similar to Esquivel’s story, something is added to the gingerbread cookies and it makes everyone fall in love with one another again.

The New Year: Jasmine, Bernard, and Thomas all gather together for New Years. This scene was never in The Rainbow, but a lot of the same themes are discussed about whether or not one can escape fate. Jasmine and Vivian make breakfast for Bernard and Thomas. Jasmine teaches Vivian how to “veganize the alphabet,” comparing it to reinventing the wheel.

Dancing: Jasmine and Thomas dance on New Years, but eventually the pressure of change and resolution is too much.