Adrian W. Lilly's Blog

The other day I was watching a video of a woman who shares her crafts projects. Full disclosure: I am the least craftsy person you will ever meet. A few years ago, I had the chance to travel the country for six months, and I collected items to put in a scrap book.

Those items and the scrapbook are still in a crate. Unused.

Of course, I didn’t blog about it either.

Anyway, I like her videos because she seems to truly love doing crafts, and she shares some cozy, clever ideas or tips I never would figure out—not that I need to but, again, it’s fun. I have never, and likely will never, decoupage anything in my life. I just think she seems sweet, and I appreciate her enthusiasm. I guess I find it relaxing to watch.

I was looking at the comments on one of her videos, and I couldn’t believe some of the remarks!

One person said, “What a hassle!” (Of course it’s a hassle. Crafting is a hobby…I thought that was the point. If you don’t like crafting, move on. ) Another ridiculed how the woman in the video talks. (Seriously? Who does this? You feel a need to try to make someone feel self-conscious about the way she talks?)

Of course, this made me click on the haters’ profiles and start tearing them apart: making fun of their decorating, noting disarray and filth in their photos, and imagining their dreary lives that makes them so miserable, etc.

And, then, I realized, I was doing the exact same thing they had done (without posting it, of course!).

I think it was a great example of how Hate Breeds Hate.

The haters who post nasty comments seem to forget—or don’t care—that there’s just another everyday person on the other side of the screen.

Some might argue that the woman posting her crafts videos is inviting the attention. I think you can just as easily argue that the person making a comment invites it as well. So where does it end?

It only ends with a new beginning—a new code of social conduct where we don’t accept such bad behavior. We would never accept it in public. We would think the person was awful, so why do we accept it online?

I’m challenging myself to speak up–but with decorum. I will do my best to stop the haters without using hate. I would be delighted to know some of the tactful ways you’ve stopped online bullying. I’m always open to advice!

For several years I have blogged on and off on this site. I think that blogging has always felt like an imposition—and to be successful at it, it can’t feel like a “job” or an “obligation” in a long list of other things you need to accomplish in a day.

I think one of the things I struggled with was an identity for my blog. Was it a marketing vehicle for self-published books? Was it a place to offer writing advice? Did it have the potential to help create a community online?

Years ago, I picked up The Artist’s Way, and it suggested writing your morning papers. I think in some ways, I thought my blog might be like that –journaling. But, I never quite took it to that place, mostly because I don’t like to share that much about myself.

I sometimes look with envy at those people who share so much about themselves without a second thought. They seem to think everything they do is interesting. Me? Crickets. I recently moved across the country for a new job. I lived on a campus built by a renowned architect where few people ever get to live.

But, I didn’t write a word about it. That’s me. I struggle with self-promotion.

Moving forward, I will try, yet again, to share my thoughts with the universe or at least the blogosphere.

Creating a character that seems believable is tricky. One reader might read your character and feel like they made a new friend, and another might read the dialogue and think, No one talks like that.

While you can’t make everyone happy all the time, you can take some steps to make your characters feel complex and well developed. Flat characters are characters that readers know little about, and likely the author knows little about. The more you know your character, the more you can share with the readers.

Here are a few things to think about as you write your character:

How does your character interact with a space? When you describe surroundings, make your character act within them or to them. Writing “There was a big desk in the room.” is a missed opportunity, when you could say, “He felt intimidated by the large mahogany desk.” What aspects of your character influence his or her behavior? Gender, sexuality? What about traits, likes and dislikes? Characters, like people, should behave differently because of their experiences. Is your character likable? Do you like the character? Some of my favorite characters seem like really miserable people. Here I share some thoughts on writing a character you don’t like. Does your character have dreams and fantasies? The deep inner thoughts of characters — or even the frivolous ones — tell your readers so much about your character! What motivates your character? Motivation is needed in every scene you write. Your character needs to want something. So do you know what motivates your character?

I hope these ideas help you flesh out your characters. Happy writing!

This year I made a New Year’s resolution to post at least once per week. Not an easy feat for a person who has also stated how uneasy he is with sharing. (Not things like candy and cookies, things about myself. I’ll share my cookies.)

So, I decided to break away and share my personal experience with the COVID-19 vaccine. As I work in healthcare, I am among the lucky ones who have already had both doses. For me, the worry about what it will be like is over. Also, much of the fretting over COVID has come to an end. It feels like a weight has been lifted from me personally, though I am eager for those I love to also receive the inoculation.

So, what was getting the COVID-19 vaccine like?

I received the Moderna vaccine. With the first shot I felt absolutely nothing. Not even a sore arm. I was warned at the time that the second dose was worth. So, I tried to mentally prepare. I had a cousin state that she went delirious from it and a friend say that he ran a fever and slept for 15 hours.

Yikes.

So, what about for me? I got it on a Thursday afternoon. I went through the rest of my day feeling that I had invited a ticking time bomb into my bloodstream. All sorts of theories are out there—it has microchips in it, etc. As a writer I love that stuff. In fact, in The Runes Trilogy, werewolves are using vaccines to grow their pack to take over the world. But, in the real world lives are at stake, and this virus is serious.

At any rate, I went to bed Thursday feeling fine. I woke up in the middle of the night with severe chills. Clearly, I had a fever but I was too tired to get up and check. I couldn’t sleep after that, because no amount of covers kept me warm.

I woke up to call off work and then went back to bed. Friday I ran a fever of 100.9 and I had chills and a headache. By Friday evening, it was over.

That’s it.

About 24 hours of a slight fever, chills, headache, and body aches. Three days later and my arm isn’t even sore from the shot.

I know that vaccines haven’t gotten politicized, but the reason I say this is not a political post, is because the fear of vaccines is from all walks of life. You can barely scroll through Google without a story about how Black Americans—largely Democrats—are scared of the vaccine. Likewise, rural whites—largely Republicans—are scared of the vaccine as well.  I know both groups have their reasons from conspiracy theories to a lack of understanding of how a vaccine could get created in such a short window of time.

What I know is this: 24 hours of not feeling great is a tremendous tradeoff for not catching a virus that can make you shoot fiery liquid from your ass for 11 days while coughing, having trouble breathing, feeling fatigued, and much worse, including long-term side effects, and death.

Finally, I think we need to confront head on people’s misperception that the vaccine happened too quickly. Yes, you bet, it was super-fast, which is a tremendous example of what humanity can accomplish when we allocate resources to tackle a problem.

Here’s an easy way to think about it: Two people building a house could take them four years. But if 10 people work together, it gets accomplished much faster. And that’s just what we did with this vaccine. We put the best minds to work on a problem to solve it, we made the resources available, and we got the thing built faster than ever before.

cliff walking

next to you,

next to death—

the two things I love most

with moonlight in your eyes

is enough to make me weep

fragrance of night,

of churning sea

lifts to me

lingers with the scent of you

embracing on tremulous rock,

listening to it crumbling,

and looking down

at the stars shimmering

on the ocean pools

far below

I pull you closer in case we fall,

to have one last kiss,

and we huddle against the rushing

wind and spray

of salty water

Scattered bits, smoldering

Broken, jagged edges

—And the carnage? The carnage—

In a moment of stillness, you think

This is my life. And you wonder

Why you survived at all.

When I re-emerge, I bleed. Pressure-

less atmosphere expands my cells. Underneath

I feel the weight

            I feel the hate

Of all their words.

When I re-emerge, I bleed. Pressure

builds slowly, and you have comfort, you

could boil

            in an underwater vent

and not know.

When I re-emerge, I bleed. Pressure

Crushes around on all sides, but I rather

Feel pain than nothing at all, nothing

But my blood

            On your streets

When I emerge

When I emerge, you make me bleed. Your pressure

Kills us all.

Living among people isn’t always easy for us as writers. People do plenty of rude things that irritate those of us trying to think.

Here’s your chance to imagine your revenge.

The Writing Exercise

Your character has tried to tactfully let a neighbor know that they have been rude (think: barking dog, spilled garbage, loud music). All of your character’s efforts have been in vain.

How does your character retaliate? Does the event escalate or put the neighbor in his or her place?

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Image courtesy: Public Domain Pictures.

It’s a been a long while since I’ve shared some writing prompts, so I thought I’d start them up again! I hope you enjoy this one.

It’s a wintry evening. The temperature is dropping and your character is running late for an important meeting with a potential new client. If s/he lands this account, it will save the business!

Walking along the street, your character sees a homeless person struggling–maybe having a heart attack. Does your character stop to intervene or hurry along for the meeting? If s/he does help, to what capacity? What compels this action?

We all know those people. They blow up social media with a dozen selfies a day. They seem to broadcast every single thought that passes through their heads (unedited and unabridged). They turn their private lives into a public affair.

And then there’s me. I blog irregularly, post on Facebook infrequently, tweet even less, and don’t even ask about other social media. I see things that other people post, and I always think, “Why am I not that candid?”

The problem is I’m a private person in a very public world.

As a writer, I never really wanted to promote me. I wanted to create worlds that others could get lost in, and introduce my books to readers. Yet today everyone needs a brand.

So, how does a private person promote himself?

A few ideas I’ve seen but not yet pursued:

Book or series sitesBook or series social media pagesVideosEmail marketing

Ultimately, I’m not as concerned about what others are doing, but more about how others negotiate feeling like social media has made self-promotion an all-in, invasive way of living. Some people seem to revel in sharing little tidbits from their life. For me, it feels like work.

I think it’s because, as a writer, I’m so used to obfuscating my experiences through the lens of a character and plot. Every story I write is based on my experiences, thoughts, and perceptions, but it is wrapped in a protective shroud of mystery called fiction.

Maybe it’s my Capricorn need to keep people at arm’s length. I wonder if other Capricorns struggle with feeling like social sharing shares too much.

Any other creative types struggling with the balancing act of private versus public?