Elly Helcl's Blog

The Bi-Polar bottom has freed me from it's claw-like grip, and I am finally really starting to feel like a human being again.

I tried so hard to just jump back into finishing the final book in my series...but I just couldn't.

That being said, I have started on a YA novella (I think it will be novella length anyhow). I am hoping that the extreme YA nature of the book that I am writing will war with my desire to put something dark and sinister (and just down right taboo) in my books...and give me the inspiration to fire off the last 30K of Aria's story...no really, I think that is ALL I have left.

Sitting here, staring at the words to her story have gotten me no where in the last 10 months. TEN MONTHS!!! It is time to move on and come back to her when I am ready.

Sigh...this is truly the hardest part of being Bi-Polar for me. When I crash (like I did for the better part of the last year) I am not always capable of writing again. Period.

Maybe I should take all of my poetry and make it into a book...separate it by when I wrote it (I have some really good poetry that I wrote when I was like...nine...and really good as in, won contests. I got to meet author Douglas Wood (award winner) who wrote Old Turtle when I was eleven.

Eh, I don't know. I guess I will just work on something...anything really, until the writing bug hits me again.

In the end of 'Najia's Sacrifice', I tell readers to look for the final installment of the series in March 2013...

And then the bottom fell out of my world. I am bi-polar, I swear I had no sooner written those words, and I quickly started spiraling into a bi-polar depression.

I couldn't sleep, I couldn't wake up (I know...it's weird), I couldn't write, I couldn't read, I couldn't function.

I barely made it through everyday life for a while. It was bad enough that I went to my therapist and just cried. I thought those kind of downs were a thing of the past...obviously I was wrong. It has been years since I have crashed so hard that I couldn't function. Like, I couldn't function and do the most basic of things...like making sure I took a shower everyday, or my dishes were done, or...I don't know...basic stuff like that.

In my life, I have gone down but I have been able to maintain an exterior of holding it together...I couldn't this time. This time was horrible. It was awful...and I am so grateful to the fabulous people in my life that helped me (and are still helping me through it).

Some people won't understand my decision to be very public and open about being bi-polar. But for me, it is as much a part of my life as my kids and my husband. I struggle everyday to maintain my life as an un-medicated bi-polar.

Another reason I want to be open about it is because of what just happened. The world fell out from under me and it has taken me nearly SIX MONTHS to climb back out of the hole...and I am still not there.

Finally, FINALLY, I am making progress on Aria's Redemption. I PROMISE it is worth the wait and I am so sorry I couldn't finish it on time. From the bottom of my heart I swear I tried.

I feel really bad about not being able to finish on time, but I will finish.

To all the people who were there for me and didn't even know it, thank you.

There are so many people I could name on this post, just from Goodreads, who didn't even know they helped me through this time...hopefully you all know who you are anyhow :) You are all truly awesome and special!

Seriously...I advised other people to stay away from that CRAZY site...and what did I do? I go there...***Smacks head on desk***

Why, oh why, does this site find me so interesting?

Why do they ACTUALLY have a link to my BLOG on their site?

Why did I let curiosity get the better of me???

Okay, fine...let's do this...

I can't justify what my family member did...it DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. This person has blamed it on the pain meds they take, on the psych meds they take, on the sleeping pills they take, and finally, they blamed it on out-right stupidity.

At that point, I forgave them.

They have promised to never be so helpful again (note the sarcasm). They are family, I love them, and I am going to do my best to move on from this...

That being said...

Now I am awfully confused. The site that shall not be named is trying really hard to make it out like it was me. Yeah, yeah...that is what they do. I get that. But...to compare my writing to my family members? Yeah, of course we would have similar writing...I was raised with this person, I type back and forth online with this person all the time. Ten years of internet communication and we kind of have some similar habits...So, I guess now I have my own sock puppet's according to that site.

But what has me really confused is how I fell to the wayside of that site in the first place. I am a really nice and honest person...Okay fine...there may be a little bit of a biatch mixed in there too.

I offered to open a line of communication with them. I offered to talk to them about whatever they have an issue about...but, apparently that site isn't into talking (or facts for that matter). Apparently, conspiracy theory's and anything they can "verify" on the internet is all they care about.

As to the current situation, had they notified me and asked me about it...my reaction would have been something like this...
What in the hell are you talking about???
I would have found the culprit (quickly caught by them having had access to my husbands email...1. This person set up the account for him. 2. They were on HIS computer when they did it.)

I would have made them use their email address to set the story straight (hum...I wonder if I should try that anyhow)...and I would have replied as cordially as possible and told "Athena" problem solved, so sorry, will NEVER happen again.

Instead they chose to do this expose and really...WTF! My family member is way more embarrassed than I am at this point. I started off feeling as if I would never recover...at this point? I think I am just still really frustrated that I can't set the story straight.

Sigh...

If any member of STGRB lives in MN and would like to come chat with me over a cup of coffee, really, drop me a line. Maybe you would just like to meet one of the "Amazon Flora Trolls" or one of the "Goodreads Bullies" in real life. Maybe you want to tell me to my face what you think of me...any way that it goes, I don't care.

Maybe then, the members of this site could figure out the reason I am not busy writing my next novel has more to do with the following information.

1. My husband was hospitalized in March.
2. I had surgery in January.
3. I have children...one of whom takes more time than the average kid.
4. I am bi-polar. And I am in a bi-polar slump right now. Book three is almost done...I just have no desire to write...and until I get out of the slump, it is probably going to stay that way...working on the outlines for my next book though.
5. My little brother is about to graduate from the marines, I am planning a trip to California for said graduation.
6. I don't really have the money to pay my editor right now. So once the book is done, I can't get it edited until I have more money.
7. Tons of DR appointments...my January surgery failed.

If there is anything else you wonder about my life, just drop me a line. I am a very open person.

So, I am going to stop 'scratching my head' at this point and I am going to just say this...if my 8th blog post made it onto that site, there is no reason why they wouldn't see this one. If they want to talk to me, they have my email address and my real name...google me...I am sure you could even find my number if you dug hard enough...hell, email me and I would just give you the phone number! I just want this witch hunt to stop! It is ridiculous!

No, I really do mean it this time.

A well meaning family member (not my husband) decided to try to get my name removed off of the STGRB website.

Earlier in the day, I had talked to this person about that site and how they doc-drop people...that same evening, she alerted me to the fact that STGRB had doc-dropped again on someone I am familiar with...

Why didn't I put the pieces together? Why didn't I stop to ask why the family member was even on that site???

Instead, I went and looked at what they was talking about and grabbed my laptop to bring into the kitchen...

The Kitchen?

Yeah...the Kitchen. I was babysitting for a friend and had decided to have an impromptu b-day party for her daughter (complete with cake, presents, and homemade popcorn). I had my two kids, her three kids, and a neighbor kid over. I was serving drinks, making popcorn, and doing the usual mommy stuff that doesn't include sitting on the computer...So, I brought my laptop into the kitchen.

Fast-forward to this evening.

I get a phone call from this family member apologizing and telling me to check out STGRB...So...I did...

If I ever, and I do mean ever, recover from the embarrassment, I will be sure to let you all know right here, on this blog...but for now, I am just hanging my head between my knees and trying to remember to breathe.

I have tried really hard to stay away from that site. I have done a great job of sticking to my new years resolution to remember that I am responsible for my actions on the internet and that I am 31 years old...

That being said, the latest nonsense on STGRB aren't my actions. It wasn't me.

Though I am being cautioned to remember that the family member had my best intentions at heart, I am thoroughly embarrassed.

To clear things up...

1. No, I did NOT contact STGRB and pose as anyone other than myself. I HAVE contacted them before about being harassed by their followers.

2. I am happily married. My husband had nothing to do with this...he too was chasing kids all evening...and when I get up the nerve to tell him about this, he is going to be so angry!

3. I am not this stupid. Period. I happen to know that STGRB has my IP address. Why? Because I contacted them about being harassed by some of their followers. They removed me from the side bar because of this. Obviously, the removal was very short lived...

Sigh...FML! Sometimes, the best of intentions can go a wry. This is one of those times.

Just do me a favor and remember, if I was going to try something like this, I am smart enough NOT to use my home computers!

I have just finished reading a screenshot of a posting that STGRB did about me...I would simply like to clear a few things up for anyone that has seen it.

1. Yes, I did the unforgivable thing of being nice to Ann Somerville. She always treated me well and I never had a reason to dislike her.

2. As an AVID reader, I purchased a book, and I reviewed it. Ann didn't ask me to review it, yes, she did recommend it. The way STGRB presents it is taken WAY out of context. Anyhow...I actually reviewed it because I was so blown away by the book, I decided I HAD to review it. If you ever take the time to review the book, you will probably feel the same way.

3. I two starred the "Raie' Chaelia. I picked up the book out of curiosity. I read the book...And as I stated in my review, the main character was the most annoying twit I have ever had the displeasure of reading. I didn't two star the book because of the author, I two starred it because it SUCKED! Think I am wrong? Read it. Decide for yourself.

4. That is by far NOT the longest review I have ever written. Look at my reviews...Specifically, look at my reviews on Goodreads. As a STAY AT HOME MOM, I don't always have the time to move all of my reviews from Goodreads over to Amazon. That is all you have to do to prove STGRB wrong. My facts were 100% correct. I quoted the book directly (with the page open on my lap) and whether STGRB likes it or not, I HATED the book. Period. Guess what? Not everyone is going to like everybook that is written. Not everyone loves my books...and I don't whine like a baby about it.

5. To my knowledge, I have never spoken to, or had a conversation with the author of the Raie' Chaelia. How on earth could I be "holding a grudge" against someone I don't even know???

If anyone had taken the time to notice, all of my reviews go up over a few days times. That means, I read a bunch of books, and then I review them. That also means that the last book I read probably gets the longer review...just by the very fact that it is fresh in my mind.

I have tried, repeatedly, to open the channel of communication with STGRB. I have offered to talk to them. I have asked that I be removed from their lists because of the EXCESSIVE bullying I have experienced by their followers. They have instead, made me one of their headliners.

AND FOR WHAT? I was nice to someone they don't like.

Humm...kind of fishy that I continued to be bullied by that site, and their followers, simply for being nice. Isn't that a little ironic?

I finally got the revised cover for my third novel in my series "The Path to Destiny".

I am in love! The picture is so awesome! I can't wait to publish this novel now!!!

Unfortunately, the novel isn't complete yet...But, I now have a fire under my rump to get moving!

So, I got a three star review today and I am THRILLED with it!!! You can read it here... http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/...

HEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!!

After all of the nonsense with STGRB and their followers, it just felt awesome to get this review. I know it isn't a five-star review...but it feels like one to me :D

The adult content was meant to shock....There were warnings :) I am giggling as I write that...I can see where the readers would appreciate a little warning though. They were kind of written as "bam, in your face" scenes!

After the constant negativity that has come my way over the last few months, this couldn't have come at a better time...this is why I write. I am in contact with the reviewer, I would LOVE to know what I can change to get her passed "a pleasant book reading experience" and into the realm where the world just drifts away. That is my goal...I just want people to read what I write...I don't care if I ever make money at this...I just want people to read my books :) It is a bonus that she enjoyed this book and an even bigger bonus that she reviewed it!

This is why I write, and this is why I will continue to write :D

What a way to be reminded that I need to keep my chin up and stop letting things get to me :D I am more than happy right now about this...I am giddy!

Edited: to fix the link, AND the reviewer specifically left a message to say that I could contact her if I wanted to.

I am new to the world of GR, Amazon, STGRB, BBA's, ect...Six months in and I know I have put my foot in the mud once or twice. I am still trying to find my way through these murky waters and to be honest, I have gotten lost a time or two.

My New Year's Resolution is to remember that I am an adult and act like it.

Yes, even when my computer is turned on. Yes, even if I am put back on the side bar. Yes, even if I get really really mad.

Why? Because I am an adult.

Maybe the way I act on the internet isn't going to effect my personal life...but when I go to bed at night, I want to do it knowing I handled myself with poise and grace.

I am done with this fight. I don't know the origins (and I really don't care anymore) of STGRB, BBA, ect but I am done being drawn into the internet drama! It is just silly!

I am a grown ass woman with two kids. If I can't conduct myself in a mature manner online, how am I going to teach my children to behave in a respectful manner?

Just because I can't physically see you sitting in front of me, just because I will probably never meet any of you face to face, that doesn't mean I should behave in a way that would be embarrassing to me in REAL life.

Words on the internet can hurt. You can be an internet bully.

I refuse to be a part of this nonsense anymore.

So yes, my New Years Resolution is to remember that I am an adult and to conduct myself in a manner that is appropriate for a 31 year old wife and mother.

Hey, at least I admit it!

Right now, I know someone is reading my book with the intent to review it. I don't remember if they were given a copy, purchased it, or what...BUT they are finally reading it!

The pathetic part? I don't even care if it is a good review or a bad review! I just want to read it!

Okay, I do care if it is a good or bad review...no one wants to hear "hey, you suck!" Is that a possiblity? Sure. Not everyone is going to love the books I write. But, I am just so anxious to finally have SOMEONE reading the book!

Hey, I worked hard on that particular book...it took me two years to write (while I was in college...yes, I am a late bloomer), then another year to re-write it. Then I had a friend edit it and put it on amazon...and I learned the hard way to get a paid editor. My hand was rightfully smacked! (And I got a bad review) So, I rewrote it (okay, maybe I am also a little obsessive about the first book), had it professionally edited, and re-published the second edition to kindle. I paid for an illustrator the second go around too (she is AWESOME!)...

And then...

Nothing.

The second go around I can't interest anyone in the book...and I didn't sell that many the first time.

Anyhow, that got way off topic!

I no longer care if I make money off of this series or not. I just want to have people read my books, and give me feedback. I want to know what people think! I am a solid writer. I know that...but, I don't really care if this ever "pays the bills". I don't write because it can make me money, I write because I LOVE books!

My greatest dream is to give others the escape from life that I have when I read. I want my readers (imaginary at this time...other than one person) to get lost in my books and want to finish it. I want them to feel frustrated and anxious to get back to my book when they put it down.

BUT, I don't know if I am succeeding or not because no one is reading it. I lowered the price to 0.99 on Tia's Folly just to try to grab some readers. It didn't work.

Okay, that is enough drama for the day!

I am excited to read my review (singular) and I will just be happy that someone took the time to read it! The positive to this is exactly that. Someone is taking the time to read and review my book. I can't ask for more than that =)

A lot of these Q & A's I see are with authors I have never heard of or who are just starting out...

You know what? I would like to see a Q&A with Samantha Young. I want to ask that woman how she went from being a no-name SPA, with no followers, to being on the New York Times best-seller list! And all by herself!

Sigh...I still can't even get people to crack the pages of my book...I am starting to think it is time to bring in a blurb writer...But each book already costs so much for the illustrator and the editor!! How much is a blurb writer going to run me??

Oh well...I will pore my heart and soul into this...If I never make it, I never make it. At least I will know I tried....But dang! You would think one or two more people would have read my book by now! I still don't have any reviews up on Goodreads!