Debi Gray Walter's Blog

This year marks the 100th anniversary of the Good Year blimp.

The official anniversary date is June 3rd., when the first blimp, filled with hydrogen, lifted into the air. Six weeks later the blimp made its first ascent to the sky filled with helium. Its name? Pilgrim.

As we watched the golf tournament Sunday, I heard the announcer say something I needed to hear. It was in regard to the amazing life-span of this innovative, 20th century feat—“Look up and drive forward.” It reminded me of the encouragement my golf coach gave me years ago, “forward is good.”

I share all this because a significant event happened in my life last week that brought unexpected sadness.

Since my Mom passed in 2012, we have been property managers for her various places. Last week we sold the last property that held the longest memories for me.

Grand Opening circa 1961My 2nd birthday, circa 1961

The property was purchased in 1960. My parents built their dream—a 3,000 square foot building to house their neighborhood pharmacy with a barbershop next door.

Soda fountain circa early 60’s

Our family life was built around all the took place within those four walls. My dad served tirelessly the neighbors who became friends. He provided many medicines for free to those who didn’t have the money for their sick child. He did what was right and the people loved him for it.

My Dad

As I sat on the bare floor last week for the last time, all the memories came rushing back. Voices from the last 65 years were heard laughing at my dad’s jokes. Hamburgers sizzling on the grill for hungry patrons were constant. Children crying because they wanted candy and were told, “no”! Customers that I “rang out” at the cash register—my first job as a teen. So many precious memories.

What I didn’t expect was to feel fresh grief over the passing of my Mom (2012), Dad (2004) and brother (2021). The selling of this property felt as if I was letting go of the only thing we shared together growing up.

When I heard the motto of the Goodyear blimp, “Look up and move forward” I knew this was what was needed.

God has been so very good to all of us. The seeds sown of love for God and family, have taken root in my own family now. The building housed the life we shared. But now God was having me pack the memories in my heart, look up to Him for comfort and then move forward into the future.

Thankfully, the sadness lasted only a day, but the comfort He gives lasts a lifetime.

Tomorrow our lives will change forever. We will meet the newest addition to our family and her name is Liliana Grace.

She is the blessing we never expected but desperately needed. Her presence in our family will provide much joy and healing. And her big brother, Elias, will love her like no one else.

She will understand him, love him, help him and make him laugh. How do I know? It’s because Elias laughs with joy with everyone he meets. But Liliana will be his little sister—That’s special.

There is much trepidation going into tomorrow. Our greatest confidence is that God goes before us and has made a way on this unknown path.

I will be spending time helping Heather heal after her c-section and caring for Elias. This is so different than our experience when Elias was born nearly four years ago.

The world was facing a pandemic causing fear everywhere.

Elias was safe in the NICU of Hillcrest Hospital in Tulsa, OK. But we weren’t allowed to meet him. Strict protocols allowed only the parents admittance to his bedside, which was the right call.

We finally met him in February, 2021 after 116 days in the hospital. What a moment of great longing fulfilled.

I have the same longing now for Liliana.

If you read this please pray for Heather as she brings life to our family on August 28, 2024. This date is special for many reasons but the most obvious is its connection with Romans 8:28…

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭28‬ ‭ESV‬‬

What a verse to mark Liliana’s life from her beginning. I think Elias would agree.

Tomorrow is the first day that I will know and love her for the rest of my life. It’s time for me to start writing her very own song…from Nana, with love.

His retirement party

Friday was the third anniversary of my brother’s first day in Heaven. I miss him so much, but this year I was in the throes of planning our daughter’s baby shower. I had no time to grieve or cry…until today.

In 2020 Billy had just retired from a compound pharmacy where I had my prescriptions filled. He loved his job and had given me a tour of the compounding lab where he worked. It was obvious how much his co-workers loved him. He had a contagious sense of humor that would make you laugh even when you didn’t want to. He said it was a gift.

Anyway, today I had to pick up an Rx from this pharmacy which is always emotional for me. I wasn’t expecting what would happen next!

The sign on the door said, “We’ve moved!

The shoe-shiner who has had a chair in front of this pharmacy for as long as I can remember told me they moved to the compounding lab around the corner. When I mentioned I knew where that was, he seemed surprised. I explained my brother worked there as a compounding pharmacist until he retired.

He asked the obvious, “Who’s your brother?”

“Bill Gray.”

With a smile a mile wide he said, “Chill Bill?He’s your brother?”

I said he was but sadly he died three years ago from Covid. He had only been retired 9 months.

“Oh, I didn’t know!” He continued to say how sad he didn’t get to enjoy life.

I told him how much Billy loved Heaven and now he was there having the ultimate retirement. It is a promise reserved for those who love and follow Jesus.

This kind man nodding with a knowing reassurance, “He’s better off than we are, ain’t he!”

With tears I turned away realizing afresh how much my brother impacted everyone who knew him.

Chill Bill – I miss you.

Reblogged from The Romantic Vineyard from 3 years ago, this is the testimony I shared in our Church’s ladies meeting last night. The topic was listening to God. I share it here today as this month marks three years since all this took place.

Two weeks ago today, my brother went to be with the Lord. I have struggled to write this until now. And now is the time to put in words what has happened in my broken heart.

At the same time we received the news from the doctors that my brother’s lungs were not able to heal from the damage Covid caused, the 2020 Summer Olympics were beginning in Tokyo delayed a year by the same virus that ravished my brother’s lungs. Lifelong dreams were coming to fruition for the athletes,  as my brother’s lifetime goal was being realized to be called home.  Some of the athletes would receive the accolades of men receiving a medal of distinction, whether gold, silver or bronze. They would be forever commemorated as an Olympian medalist.

My brother at the same time was receiving accolades from the One who created him 66 years ago. In that time He met Jesus. He surrendered his life to Him. He followed Him. He told others about Him. He left a trail of testimony of God’s goodness, God’s kindness, God’s mercy to those who would accept Jesus as their Savior. His Celebration of Life was one testimony after another of how Billy gave his life to Jesus and encouraged others to do the same. Like the Olympians on parade, my brother’s life was being celebrated, but instead of a flag, a cross.

His passing happened so fast I was left reeling at the reality of life without him. My brother has been there for me my entire life. But most recently, after all I have been through with my granddaughter in 2019 and my grandson in 2020, he cried with me over my fears and my exhaustion. He volunteered to do all he could to help us through this dark valley. He comforted me with his love and hugs as only a brother can do. He was there for me…

Until he wasn’t.

In his wake we are still in shock. But he is receiving the reward of a lifetime—one for a life well-lived for God’s glory. The very best of medals that won’t fade with time.

A week or so after He entered eternity, I prayed and asked God to help me. I needed His perspective on all we were facing. But He seemed silent. I say often, “God is always speaking, we’re just not always listening.” In this case He seemed silent to me. I was asking, but hearing nothing. Yet in a strange way, my faith was still strengthened. In His silence I could sense His tender grip holding the pieces of my broken heart together until I was ready to hear from Him.

Ready? Are you ever ready to hear God’s purposes in a reality you would have never chosen to walk through?

I wasn’t sure I was. This is why He didn’t tell me what or when it was coming; He just showed up. In my dreams no less, where I couldn’t argue or shut Him down. All I could do was listen.

I had taken something to help me sleep, so there was no waking through the night. I am a vivid dreamer (as was my brother which is one of the ways we were alike), and God chose this night to speak one thing to me over and over, no matter how the dreams changed.

I kept hearing, “Read Ezekiel 3.23” 

When I finally woke up I grabbed my Bible and read these words, starting with verse 22:

“22 Then the Lord took hold of me and said, “Get up and go out into the valley, and I will speak to you there.” 23 So I got up and went, and there I saw the glory of the Lord, just as I had seen in my first vision by the Kebar River. And I fell face down on the ground.”

I couldn’t wait to spend time alone with the Lord. He was calling me to come to the valley, but I didn’t know how to get there. He reminded me that I have been living in the Valley of the Shadow of death for two years. I didn’t have to go anywhere, just sit, pray and listen.

So that is what I did.

Two hours later the pain in my heart no longer ached with sadness. Now I was aching to see Him, the Savior of my broken heart. He met me in ways that only I could appreciate. He is personal like that. One important thing He impressed on my heart is that Covid didn’t steal my brother from our family. No! God called him home, which is the desire of all who know and love Him. He is receiving the Crown of Life promised to those who endure to the end. My brother faithfully loved Jesus and shared his love for Him with everyone who came into his life. 

“Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love Him.” James 1:12 ESV

My time ended by listening to a song by Shane & Shane titled, “Though You Slay Me,” featuring John Piper. If you haven’t heard it yet, I encourage you to set aside some time and let God minister to your soul. 

There is no god like our God. 

He is intimately acquainted with me. He knows me better than I know myself or my husband who is closer to me than any other person. And the best news? He loves me—not because of anything I have done, but because His son, Jesus Christ, called me by name. 

My Niece-in-law said it well, “To know my brother was to love him and if He knew you he loved you.” I love this, and it can also be said of Jesus’ relationship to His children. To know Him is to love Him and be loved by Him.

 I invite you to know Jesus. 

“All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out.” John 6:37 ESV

If you find your heart beating fast with the idea that your life can change forever, out of the dark valley, out of the misery you’ve endured thus far; it may be Jesus is calling you to respond to His invitation to love Him and be loved by Him. He is closer than you know and would love to embrace your broken heart as He did mine. 

I will never be the same! And my closing ceremony won’t be a display of fireworks over the stadium in Tokyo. My closing ceremony will culminate when it’s my turn to hear, “Enter into the joy of your Lord!” 

Her last birthday in 2013, age 90,
at Lakeside Inn in Mt. Dora, FL

My mom would have been 102 today.

I miss her so much it’s hard to believe it’s been 10 years since she’s been gone.

She missed meeting 9 more great grandchildren as well as her three grandkids’ spouse’s. I may have gotten those numbers wrong, but the point is…

…so much life has happened since her death.

I was telling Elias today how much “Gigi” would have loved him as well as Vito (10), Brielle (10), Phoebe (8). And the same goes for his daddy, whom my Mom never met. Although she prayed for him for years.

My brother joined her and my Dad 2 and a half years ago, which is hard to believe.

I don’t have much to say that hasn’t been said in previous posts. But this I now know:

Grief is a journey that has no destination until one day when those who love Jesus will be reunited together with Christ forever.

While we await that day Mom, this song is my heart’s cry. Happy Birthday!

Heather, Tracy and Jason 1990

Homeschool Days

I was privileged to home-school our three children for most of their education, which opened the door for me as their teacher to learn too. What I loved the most about teaching was the ability to have interest-led learning; where we studied things my kids were interested in for as long as they wanted to learn about it. One favorite unit study we did was all about the ear and hearing–science, history and inventions, It had a lasting impact on all of us.

Helen Keller’s story as told in The Miracle Worker, showed what it was like to not be able to hear, see or talk from birth. But once this door of communication was unlocked for Helen by her teacher, Anne Sullivan, she began to understand how to learn. From that point on, Helen was voracious to discover everything about her world–A true miracle.

Benefits of Knowing Sign Language

In high school the private school we joined offered ASL. Our two daughters both took it and our oldest became quite proficient, even teaching the high school students’ class after she graduated.

At age 16 Tracy was hired to care for a young girl who was deaf from birth and also unable to eat, walk or talk. It was her Mom’s desire for her to learn how to communicate using sign language. This was such an opportunity for Tracy to understand more about those who are deaf. She grew in her love for and care of Lindsay and enjoyed helping her learn.

Disability in our Family

Fast forward to 2020 when Elias joined our family. We are so grateful he can hear, but he still is working hard to learn how to talk. He can say “hi” and “nay” (Nana) quite well, and we have faith as his story unfolds he will be able to speak. If Helen could learn to talk without hearing, we believe Elias can too.

Why post about this? Yesterday I saw a commercial about a football player who is deaf; you read that right. New technology from AT & T 5G is making it possible for those who are deaf to be able to play football. They say it is leveling the playing field for deaf athletes. What wonderful news. Following is the commercial you can watch. But grab a tissue–it made me cry.

Benefits of Technology

How exciting to see the advances being made for those who are born without one or more of their five senses. Our grandson has all of his senses, but he can’t walk or talk. We believe technology will play a part in his learning to walk. So much is possible for the good of those who are different from the norm. And these stories are powerful to hear.

Today I am much more grateful for things I used to take for granted. The most basic of senses are a gift we’ve been given by God. Let’s use them well and break the sound of silence by speaking to those who are different and letting them know we see them and that they matter.

Helen never heard a word in her life, yet her story has reached millions since she was born.

Meme cred: Brainy Quote

We’ve been away for 10 days following the changing leaves and they haven’t disappointed.

I heard Jim Gaffigan do a set on Fall Foliage that is hilarious. I may always hear his voice in my head as I take yet another photo or video of falling leaves. But I don’t mind.

God made the seasons because He knows change is good. Think of it, if the leaves never fell there would be no room for new growth.

I wish I could think of changes in my own life as beautiful, but I’m more like Jim Gaffigan’s interpretation of how they’re feeling—I’m dying! I don’t like change because I love summer.

But I would never appreciate a warm summer day if I never had the chill of winter.

Contrasts are what make life beautiful.

But seasons of the heart are unpredictable. They can last only days or for many years. God determines the length of our current season , and since I trust Him I can rest knowing change will come.

Like the leaves all I must do is bend with the wind and let go when it’s time to do so.

A bare tree standing alone isn’t as beautiful as a the bare trees in a forest.

So it is in life. We need connection with good friends, honest friends and faithful friends who will sit with us in our barrenness and whisper to us the hope of Spring; friends who have faced similar seasons aren’t quick to judge or push us forward too soon. They sit, listen and pray.

God is the author of my seasons and each one has a purpose. All I must do is show up each day and embrace the moment.

Chasing leaves this year has shown me it is futile to hang on to what was or what I hoped would be. I must reach in faith for tomorrow as I follow the Lord.

Dear Elias,

It has been 3 years since I first met you. What a journey you’ve traveled thus far. Through the NICU stay in Tulsa for 116 days, to your Cancer battle in the PICU and the Cancer floors of Advent Health, You have found a way into the hearts of all who know you.

You are still non-verbal, non-mobile and can’t sit on your own. The only food you enjoy comes through your gtube, something your body tolerates very well; You now weigh about 33 lbs. making it difficult for your Mom to lift you for long. I miss our close snuggles on the couch as you would slowly fall asleep in my arms. You have grown so much that you hang off on both sides of my lap and my arm goes to sleep before you do. You much prefer to snuggle with your weighted animals in your own big boy bed. Actually, you still prefer Mom and Dad’s big king-size bed, but they are working to get you to stay in your own bed now.

Your favorite movies are Sing 2, Toy Story 2 (Buzz Lightyear is the best!) and Encanto. Your favorite Children’s programs are Miss Rachel, Blues Clues and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. You love listening to your Mom or Papa Tom play drums on any solid surface. When you laugh your whole body follows along lifting both legs up to your belly. Your laughter is contagious.

You are a coffee lover. Every morning you stare at Mom’s coffee hoping she’ll give you a taste or two or three on a spoon. I tried giving you some Cold Brew Coffee Ice Cream and I thought you would never stop smiling. You didn’t know something so good existed.

This week you will begin pre-school two days a week. Mom is a little nervous about leaving you for several hours, but she is ready for some time to herself. It has been a long time since she’s done much of anything without you right by her side, and she has loved every minute. Yet she is tired. We all need rest and this will be her time to do so.

Elias, your birthday yesterday was so much fun. You loved all the attention, the balloons, the karaoke singing, the candles, the opening of presents and most of all–life itself. You embrace every moment as if it is a gift, as we embrace you as our gift and inspiration. Keep pushing forward one small accomplishment at a time. We believe you will do great things.

I love you Elias Angel. Happy Birthday!

Nana

View from our townhome

Our final day on this amazing road trip of a lifetime.

We arrived on Sunday to our beautiful townhouse in Estes Park. The view from the balcony was just a snippet of what we were to see the next day.

We had secured our timed entry pass at 9 a.m. and surprisingly we were nearly on time.

We took the Trailhead Loop which nearly encircles the whole park. We climbed to 12,200 feet, which is above the tree line. The weather was cold and extremely windy. The views? Amazing!

The trail ended at Grand Lake, Colorado, where we had a picnic in the town park. Afterward, we had to turn around and drive back the way we came. All in all it was about a 5 hour drive. Beautiful coming or going.

The aspen trees were in peak color providing such breathtaking beauty. Every turn we saw more of God’s glorious creation!

The pictures speak for themselves…

Golden AspenSisters Climbing to 12,000’Peak – elevation on Tom’s phone Descent to the valleyBeautiful Stellar JayGrand Lake, COLast night God provided this stunning rainbow

Thank you, God for allowing us to have this time away as a family. We laughed, we ate, we teased each other (S.U.B.) We took lots of pictures and ate lots of good food and ice cream. We visited 4 states—Colorado, Wyoming, South Dakota and Nebraska in 7 days. We drove 1300 miles and took hundreds of photos! Nebraska was a bonus state for us, where we drove to Chadron one day for lunch, just so we could say we’d been there. And the Mexican Restaurant was one of our favorite meals—well worth the hour drive South.

Adios, until next time

On Day 4 we drove to Custer, South Dakota, for lunch on our way to the Crazy Horse Memorial. We enjoyed out lunch so much at Custer Wolf Cafe. The service and food were delicious, and the cooler weather made everything better about this day.

When we were driving North to the Memorial we had no expectations. Other than my sister had heard that the entire Mt. Rushmore monument would fit in Crazy Horse’s monument with room to spare. Impressive. But what’s more impressive is that this project that began in the 1940’s has been built without any government assistance. I like that the Lakota Nation wanted to do this themselves and with the willing donations of others.

There is no known picture or impression of Crazy Horse, so the sculptor interviewed those native Americans who knew him. They described his appearance which led him to create his likeness on the statue.

At this point they’ve only finished his stoic face and his outstretched arm over the mane of his horse. This is the miniature created so you can see what the finished sculpture will look like…

This is the poem written by Korczak Zholkowski…

His FaceHis Hand

While there we sat in on the demonstration of a Native American playing the songs of many different tribes. Imagine my delight when he began talking of the Creek Indians and their requirement to follow the Trail of Tears to Indian Territory, now known as Oklahoma.

The book I wrote about my Grandmother, Through The Eyes of Grace, is steeped in this rich history. My grandfather and Great-Grandfather were both listed in the Dawes Rolls. This allowed them to receive the full benefit of 160 acres of land each, granted to all known members of the Five Civilized Tribes—Cherokee, Creek, Seminole, Choctaw and Chickasaw Indians.

When he spoke of this horrific part of our history, he mentioned how many of the tribes had become Christian. As a result the song that united them on this trail was Amazing Grace. This just so happened to be my Grandmother’s favorite song. Such a touchstone that nearly made me cry as he played it on the Creek Nation’s native instrument. Listen in…

Crazy Horse died at the young age of 35, lying on the bare floor in Ft. Robinson.

This Memorial is due to be finished by 2035. I may never see it, but this visit inspired me to be grateful for the stories that shaped my ancestral history.

Do you know the stories that have inspired your history? I encourage you to seek and discover your hidden stories. They matter more than you know.