J.D. Burrows's Blog

For immediate release:

Reader’s Favorite recognizes “Conflicting Hearts” in its annual international book award contest.

The Readers’ Favorite International Book Award Contest featured thousands of contestants from over a dozen countries, ranging from new independent authors to NYT best-sellers and celebrities.

Readers’ Favorite is one of the largest book review and award contest sites on the Internet. They have earned the respect of renowned publishers like Random House, Simon & Schuster, and Harper Collins, and have received the “Best Websites for Authors” and “Honoring Excellence” awards from the Association of Independent Authors. They are also fully accredited by the BBB (A+ rating), which is a rarity among Book Review and Book Award Contest companies.

We receive thousands of entries from all over the world. Because of these large submission numbers, we are able to break down our contest into 140+ genres, and each genre is judged separately, ensuring that books only compete against books of their same genre for a fairer and more accurate competition. We receive submissions from independent authors, small publishers, and publishing giants such as Random House, HarperCollins and Simon & Schuster, with contestants that range from the first-time, self-published author to New York Times bestsellers like J.A. Jance, James Rollins, and #1 best-selling author Daniel Silva, as well as celebrity authors like Jim Carrey (Bruce Almighty), Henry Winkler (Happy Days), and Eriq La Salle (E.R., Coming to America).

“When the right books are picked as winners we pay attention. We will be spreading the word about Readers’ Favorite.” –Karen A., Editor for Penguin Random House

Readers’ Favorite is proud to announce that “Conflicting Hearts” by J. D. Burrows won the Finalist Award in the Fiction – Social Issues category.

You can learn more about J. D. Burrows and “Conflicting Hearts” at https://readersfavorite.com/book-revi... where you can read reviews and the author’s biography, as well as connect with the author directly or through their website and social media pages.

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Conflicting Hearts is on audio, thanks to the wonderful narration of Andi Arndt. She has taken the story and giving Rachel a voice. I truly appreciated the heartfelt effort she put into this book and the care taken to tell such a delicate story. Her rendition of Rachel Hayward's struggle against her inner demons is wonderful.

Released on Amazon, Audible.com, and iTunes.

Conflicting Hearts has been enrolled in the KDP Amazon Select program. In the next 30 days I should be in the position to offer the book free. I'll keep you informed!

After checking with some of my faithful readers, while feeling uncomfortable about my former cover, this past week I chose a different one. The cover will soon be available on print books and is now posted on most eBook sites. It's receiving quite a few thumbs up!

My Facebook page for J.D. Burrows seems to be getting the brunt of comments regarding Conflicting Hearts. Feel free to come on over and enjoy the posts and information that goes up daily, as well as snippets from the book. Here are what some of the book's fans are saying:

"Loved it, amazing!"

"Love...love...LOVED this book!!"

"Thank for a romance that deals with very real issues."

"Just wanted to say WOW. Truly amazing and inspirational."

"In short, I loved it!"

"It's a real eye opener and should be read by all."

"It's well done, very well done story. I absolutely loved it."

Rachel is a complex person, who represents me and many others who have been sexually abused. The experience leaves us with coping mechanisms to protect ourselves when we feel threatened. Unable to keep healthy boundaries throughout life, I found myself constructing brick walls and disassociating myself from others when pressured. Here is Rachel’s take on the experience:

My nerves are on edge, and I try to remember points in my conversation with Dr. Grayson. I need to keep my emotions in check and part of me teeters on disassociating myself from the entire experience. I know if I go that far, my eyes will glaze over, and I won’t hear a thing he says. Instead, I’ll be busy constructing the brick wall so I won’t get hurt.

For those who have never experienced what it’s like to check out mentally and run the other way, I can only say that it’s a reaction that I often don’t consciously make myself. It seems my brain at times has another switch in the electrical department and abuse wired my responses. If I perceive you are a threat to me in any way, whether physically or emotionally, I pull away. In my mind, I’m busily constructing a wall between the two of us. Sometimes the wall is constructed in stellar time. I laugh at myself because my ancestors were brickmakers and bricklayers. Perhaps that is where I’ve inherited the skill.

When the wall is up, there is a shield that protects me from the threat of hurt. The majority of the time, I’m not really worried about physical pain from that person, but emotional pain. Here are the triggers for my construction:

1. You’re challenging me. You’re in my face, bold, pushy, overbearing, and I don’t have the skills or strength to handle the assault. Quickly, I build the wall and mentally step back from you. You may find me turning my head, walking away, looking at you, but not seeing you. It’s all part of the plan to protect.

2. You want intimate knowledge of who I am. Let’s face it, the closet is dark inside. No one in their right mind is going to let you in willingly to see what is behind that door! Your push to be intimate threatens my secrets and exposes my shame. If you know my darkest thoughts, you may leave, or you may try to change me. It only triggers me to cut my emotional ties with you, because I’m not in a state where I can handle intimacy. If you really want it, you’re going to have to be patient and carefully climb my brick wall and then reason with me from the top.

3. You’re a danger. I perceive that you’re going to hurt me emotionally, and there is no trust in my heart that you can love me unconditionally. Brick walls and disassociation keep me from that hurt. This way, I am in control. I can keep you at arm’s length. It’s survival of the fittest, and I cannot allow you to take away another part of me without my consent.

I’m sure, though, that many of you feel the same way. Our brick walls and disassociation are the way we cope with perceived threats. I’ve never been an assertive person, and I attribute that, of course, to my childhood sexual abuse. Perhaps because I was dominated and not in control of my body as a child. It’s hard to stand up for myself. In response, I check out.

Rachel struggles with feelings of abandonment, distrust of men, and emotional intimacy. Thanks to patient and loving Ian, she finally puts down the mortar and opens her heart to receive, rather than closing it off. She represents for me the bravery I often lack, and Conflicting Hearts is my fantasy and hope.

Conflicting Hearts

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One of Rachel's weaknesses, among other things, is her inability to believe in love. This Christmas season may be a difficult time for many who have come from abused backgrounds, because the message of Christmas is unconditional love.

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard those words, "I love you," and looked at the man saying them to me unable to comprehend what left his lips. There is a barrier between my beliefs and the reality of those words, and it really has been a struggle I've been unable to conquer my entire life.

Of course, it doesn't help when the words spoken by men in your life are from those who have cheated, abused, and abandoned you. It's no wonder that believing in love or even comprehending the meaning of the word is so difficult. On top of it, as women, we are faced with the fact that men abused us, which definitely is not an act of love. It certainly falls into that area of learned behavior and what we truly believe as we grow into womanhood.

As I wrote Conflicting Hearts it was very easy for me to feel Rachel. Soon after she meets Ian, she quickly questions if men can love.

Do men genuinely love? No, I’ve convinced myself that they don’t. They just want sex and have no emotions. The male race consists of lust-driven robots that want to screw. All I know is that I’m never good enough, and when Ian discovers my secrets, he’ll leave me after he’s gotten what he wants. There’s no way around it.

I've questioned that myself throughout my life whether men have deep emotional love like women do, or if they are really just driven by physical desires. Of course, it's obvious where that came from.

However, Conflicting Hearts is really my fantasy. It's that place that I want to believe men can love. You see, I never met my Ian Richards in life. So to compensate, I wrote a story about Rachel Hayward conquering her doubts. In the end she proclaims:

Now I know that men really do love, because the evidence is holding me in his arms. All of a sudden, I believe in fairy godmothers, angels, and heaven above. It feels glorious to be loved and to love someone I can trust. My worth has returned, and my redemption is complete.

For me, that is my hope of the future. For you, I pray it's a gift under your Christmas tree -- the hope and belief that men do love and that you are worth loving and are a wonderful human being.

Merry Christmas,

J.D. Burrows

Thanks to the keen eye of someone I've known for over 44 years, who I made cry by the way when reading my book, a few more pesky errors were found. I've corrected all eBook copies and uploaded a new print version. Mainly the error was Canyon instead of Cannon in three places.

:shoots self:

It doesn't matter that I paid for professional editors and beta readers, because six pairs of eyes, plus my own, missed the error. It took an old boyfriend from 44 years ago to pick it up.

Go figure, and he doesn't even live in Oregon.

It’s time to get serious about this blog. The book is out, and it’s drawing attention. Let’s talk about childhood sexual abuse between us as mature adults. Does the world really want to hear about it, or do they want us to silence our lips about the reality of it all? What do you think?

This morning I attempted to post an advertisement on my Facebook page and pay $10 to promote it to my followers and their friends. The text read as follows:

“Conflicting Hearts is a true tale of childhood sexual abuse set within a fictional world. It’s a taboo subject, but sadly true that one out of three little girls in today’s society will be sexually abused by their eighteen birthday. The selfish act has a profound effect upon the mind of a child. As a result of the trauma, the little girl within grows into a woman who struggles with a variety of painful issues and poor relationships. Women are flocking to read stories of abuse and bondage, when other damaged women want to learn the meaning of tenderness and experience the freedom of unconditional love.”

A few minutes later, I received an email from Facebook telling me that my advertisement was not approved because it “violated guidelines.” I’m not sure, frankly, if a computer read the words “childhood sexual abuse” and bumped it out; or if a human read the words “childhood sexual abuse” and freaked out. They allowed the post to remain on the page, but denied further advertising. I found that to be very interesting.

However, when you think about it the subject breeds silence on many levels. First, it breeds silence in those of us who have been abused. We’re told not to tell, we’re afraid to tell, we’re ashamed to tell, so we keep silent.

Secondly, it breeds silence from those who hear about the occurrence of sexual abuse by another person. Let’s face it, it’s happened in the church, the locker rooms, and behind closed doors of families and friends. People know about it, but they don’t expose the perpetrators. They seem to care more about their own reputations of being a whistle blower, rather than the child suffering at the hands of a pedophile.

Then there are those in society who just don’t want to hear about it. They know it exists, but it’s a taboo subject. It’s far too sensitive and terrible to think about or even speak about. They sweep it under the rug. Obviously, the dirt is there, but it must hidden it at all costs. Hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil — it’s not always the best of practices.

As a victim of abuse, I kept my own lips sealed for more years than I can remember. It was not until just recently after forty plus years of silence on my part did I finally find my own courage to speak about it. In writing Conflicting Hearts, I truly had two purposes behind it. One, to tell the world what it does to another human being. Everyone is so crazy over fifty shades of screwed up fictional Mr. Grey, that they can’t seem to see the millions of fifty shades of screwed up men and women who are the true realities of abusive situations.

Secondly, I wanted to throw out a ray of hope that at the end of our darkness, we must believe in recovery. Especially when it’s hard to believe in “fairy godmothers, angels, and heaven above.”

Please, let’s talk about it — to each other and to the world. It’s time to take the finger of “shush” away from our lips.

Initially, I had not thought of writing a prequel to Conflicting Hearts until I received comments about Ian Richards. After I pondered about his character, I decided to write a short story prequel on the morning he meets Rachel from his point of view. I think it will help readers understand where he's coming from and his frame of mind.

If you've read Conflicting Hearts, you might enjoy the prequel addition; or if you're curious how the initial meeting occurs between the lovers, you might like to read the prequel.

It's only available on Amazon Kindle due to exclusivity requirements for KDP Select. Right now it's 99 cents, but will be offered free starting 12/24/12 for five days. Buy Here

Here is the cover. Hope you enjoy: