Allen James's Blog
July 17, 2013
July 16th - 17th Daily Reading
Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for July 17th..."Applaud others when they deserve it".
Just as we ourselves enjoy getting applauded for the good things we do, it only stands to reason others do as well. Personal success is attained through our diligent work and appropriate actions; applauding others when they deserve it is a very appropriate action.
When we applaud others we are not only giving the individual whom we are applauding reason to choose to feel good about themselves, we are as well filling our glass with optimistic energy.
How you may ask?
Applauding others shows much about us. It shows:
We are happy to share our opinions, therefore also giving others an opportunity to share their opinions with us
We’re a good communicator
We are positive – and who doesn’t want positive energy around?
We’re a good employee who wants what’s best for the organization, even if it means shining a positive light on someone else rather than ourself
We have a certain amount of trust in the person we're sharing this information with, and we care about them enough to share useful information
And, we’re networking as well. If we applaud others in the appropriate place at the appropriate time, we could be doing some pretty big favors; which is what networking is all about, connecting people who need each other.
Applauding others from time to time displays our positivity. We may be less likely to complain about others and prefer to see the good before seeing the bad; which means when we do see something bad, we’ve already given opportunities for improvement, and we may even offer a more balanced and objective view.
In applauding others when they deserve it, they in turn will be more likely to praise you. But be cautious. When applauding others make sure you mean it. Be real! If you just go around saying nice things about everybody all the time, it’s probably not genuine, and you will soon be ignored. The individual you’re applauding has to deserve the praise for this to work in your favor.
If you are genuinely someone who looks for the good in others and offers praise where praise is due, people will want to be around you. They’ll want to benefit from your optimism.
Applaud others when they deserve it. Add to not only their life, but yours as well.
Keep looking up. AJ
(Chatfield, 2012)
Our reading for July 16th co-insides with July 11ths, "Be computer literate"; today's reading is, "Learn how to type".
These days, it has turned a necessity for us people to spend a lot of time in front of the computer. With this, typing has become less of an uncommon hobby, and more of a necessary skill. Although very few people utilize the old fashioned typewriter, the skills acquired "back in the day" in learning to type on one are the same for the keyboards of today. It's never too early nor too late to learn how to type. And this is because typing has turned into much less of a repetitive routine. Typing games have been created to develop your speed in writing. But learning to type can somehow be difficult.
If children tend to fumble with their ABCs, so can adults fumble with their keyboards, thus making typing software indispensable.
In choosing the typing software to purchase, you should consider the student's age and orientation. There are several typing games as there keys on the QWERTY keyboard. For young children, there are games that feature cartoon characters and superheroes. For older teens, there are more advanced games.
When your kids are using one of these typing games, guide them correctly - simply pounding on the keyboard is not the way to develop your typing skills. (When your kids get used to this type of typing, then you'd be wasting your money for the long term.) You will want your kids to learn the correct way of typing, which he or she can learn through a typing game.
Adults with zero typing skills can jump-start their interest in typing with typing games - these are specifically designed to entertain and to educate at the same time. There are programs that integrate games and drills. There is no denying that typing is basically a rote skill. The only way to enhance one's skills in typing and master it is through constant repetition. Gratefully, the typing programs available can be suited to your skill level. It is easy to master your current level and move on to the next level when you're already comfortable.
In this day and age when the fingers are the ones doing the talking, it's become imperative for anyone to have some amount of typing skills. Whatever profession you want to pursue, typing skills are necessary. With current crop of typing software available, everyone (from grandson to grandpa) will want to learn typing. They will forget that actually they are trying to acquire, otherwise, this is rote and boring skill.
There are different typing skills levels - there are the beginners and there are the speed typists. It doesn't matter what typing level you are in, typing software programs can really help you.
Are these typing softwares unfavorable when used at home or in the classroom? Answer: it's not what you've got, but how you use it. Don't pound the keys or just simply strike them. It's simple to study typing if you practice the software properly.
In today's world, there is much advantage for knowing how to type. Whatever career path you choose, knowing how to type is considered an asset (White, 2008).
Learn how to type....the hunt-and-peck method won't get you far.
Keep looking up. : ) AJ
Just as we ourselves enjoy getting applauded for the good things we do, it only stands to reason others do as well. Personal success is attained through our diligent work and appropriate actions; applauding others when they deserve it is a very appropriate action.
When we applaud others we are not only giving the individual whom we are applauding reason to choose to feel good about themselves, we are as well filling our glass with optimistic energy.
How you may ask?
Applauding others shows much about us. It shows:
We are happy to share our opinions, therefore also giving others an opportunity to share their opinions with us
We’re a good communicator
We are positive – and who doesn’t want positive energy around?
We’re a good employee who wants what’s best for the organization, even if it means shining a positive light on someone else rather than ourself
We have a certain amount of trust in the person we're sharing this information with, and we care about them enough to share useful information
And, we’re networking as well. If we applaud others in the appropriate place at the appropriate time, we could be doing some pretty big favors; which is what networking is all about, connecting people who need each other.
Applauding others from time to time displays our positivity. We may be less likely to complain about others and prefer to see the good before seeing the bad; which means when we do see something bad, we’ve already given opportunities for improvement, and we may even offer a more balanced and objective view.
In applauding others when they deserve it, they in turn will be more likely to praise you. But be cautious. When applauding others make sure you mean it. Be real! If you just go around saying nice things about everybody all the time, it’s probably not genuine, and you will soon be ignored. The individual you’re applauding has to deserve the praise for this to work in your favor.
If you are genuinely someone who looks for the good in others and offers praise where praise is due, people will want to be around you. They’ll want to benefit from your optimism.
Applaud others when they deserve it. Add to not only their life, but yours as well.
Keep looking up. AJ
(Chatfield, 2012)
Our reading for July 16th co-insides with July 11ths, "Be computer literate"; today's reading is, "Learn how to type".
These days, it has turned a necessity for us people to spend a lot of time in front of the computer. With this, typing has become less of an uncommon hobby, and more of a necessary skill. Although very few people utilize the old fashioned typewriter, the skills acquired "back in the day" in learning to type on one are the same for the keyboards of today. It's never too early nor too late to learn how to type. And this is because typing has turned into much less of a repetitive routine. Typing games have been created to develop your speed in writing. But learning to type can somehow be difficult.
If children tend to fumble with their ABCs, so can adults fumble with their keyboards, thus making typing software indispensable.
In choosing the typing software to purchase, you should consider the student's age and orientation. There are several typing games as there keys on the QWERTY keyboard. For young children, there are games that feature cartoon characters and superheroes. For older teens, there are more advanced games.
When your kids are using one of these typing games, guide them correctly - simply pounding on the keyboard is not the way to develop your typing skills. (When your kids get used to this type of typing, then you'd be wasting your money for the long term.) You will want your kids to learn the correct way of typing, which he or she can learn through a typing game.
Adults with zero typing skills can jump-start their interest in typing with typing games - these are specifically designed to entertain and to educate at the same time. There are programs that integrate games and drills. There is no denying that typing is basically a rote skill. The only way to enhance one's skills in typing and master it is through constant repetition. Gratefully, the typing programs available can be suited to your skill level. It is easy to master your current level and move on to the next level when you're already comfortable.
In this day and age when the fingers are the ones doing the talking, it's become imperative for anyone to have some amount of typing skills. Whatever profession you want to pursue, typing skills are necessary. With current crop of typing software available, everyone (from grandson to grandpa) will want to learn typing. They will forget that actually they are trying to acquire, otherwise, this is rote and boring skill.
There are different typing skills levels - there are the beginners and there are the speed typists. It doesn't matter what typing level you are in, typing software programs can really help you.
Are these typing softwares unfavorable when used at home or in the classroom? Answer: it's not what you've got, but how you use it. Don't pound the keys or just simply strike them. It's simple to study typing if you practice the software properly.
In today's world, there is much advantage for knowing how to type. Whatever career path you choose, knowing how to type is considered an asset (White, 2008).
Learn how to type....the hunt-and-peck method won't get you far.
Keep looking up. : ) AJ
July 15, 2013
July 9th - 15th Daily Readings
Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for July 15th is taken from "The Journey: A Calendar Book"..."Be accepting".
There are some things in this world for which we can express "tolerance", but there are far more of which we should be "accepting".
One of the college courses I teach is "Ethnicity and Cultural Diversity in America". There isn't one of the 16 weeks the course runs I don't mention the importance of our being accepting in lieu of tolerant.
Tolerance lends itself to sounding as if, although we give the appearance of being accepting, we do so with our guard up. We will tolerate an action or individual, but we do not embrace the action or individual.
There’s something about the word, tolerance, which makes me think “putting up with” or “dealing with.” Saying, “I’m tolerant of ....,” is like saying, “I put up with .....” I know this is probably not what most people mean when they say they’re tolerant of certain things/people, but this is what it sounds like to me. We tolerate the heat here in Missouri. We tolerate our neighbors who like to fight in the street every weekend. We tolerate things which are irksome, but we must suffer through each because we live on this planet.
Acceptance, while a bit more favorable, is still a fine line. I don’t agree with so and so, but I accept them as human beings and I realize they have a valid opinion. I don’t accept when certain people try to force their beliefs on me or force their arcane laws into government, but I understand why they want to live their own lives the way they do. I do accept them as people, and there are many whom I love. We may teach our children certain individuals have a set of beliefs by which they live their lives, and ours are different, but we make sure my kids know loving people is the most important thing they can do in this world to show acceptance.
Webster’s online also defines acceptance as: “to regard as proper, normal, or inevitable [...]” This is the definition I like.
There are things in this world which are inevitable. Not everyone believes as you do, and thinking everyone eventually will is silly.
What are your thoughts on tolerance vs. acceptance? Are they different? Be accepting, in doing so you are showing compassion.
Keep looking up. AJ
Allen James' posting for July 12th ... "Give thanks"
Although today's post isn't taken from one of my Daily Guides to Success.... I felt it was appropriate for my last few day's experience.
Acknowledgment of blessings in our lives creates positive energy within. Even when things don't work out perfect, we need to learn to appreciate what went well.
As I write this I'm sitting in my brother's hospital room waiting for him to be discharged. He's been in the hospital for a week after having found out he has a bacterial infection on his spinal cord. Thankfully he is much better and is being treated with antibiotics and will be for the next 6 weeks....
Prepared to head home, they were just told their insurance won't pay for the medication at home for home treatment; they'd rather pay for him to stay in the hospital or skilled nursing home for the 6 week duration. Needless to say there is much frustration on my sister-in-law.
The doctor says it will be worked out....it just takes time to convince the insurance company of the medical necessity of the medication.
How quick we are ti ignore the reality my brother is alive. How quick we are to forget the positive. Is it only human? I think not. It is a societal evolution.
Embrace the good which comes our way. Minimize the negative. Good ALWAYS trumps bad.
Keep looking up. AJ
Our Calendar Books by Allen James' posting for July 10th is a quote from Winston Churchill, prime minister of the United Kingdom from 1940-1945 and again from 1951-1955 and whose personal successes included aiding in the defeat of the Nazi's to end World War II.
"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm."
How interesting many of our "greats" made statements which upon first glace appear "oxymoronish"...."success" and "failure" certainly are polars...yet Churchill's statement, when looked at in context, makes complete sense.
Winston Churchill can say this with some authority. After all he was a washed up ex-British Prime Minister after the Second World War.
Although he led Britain, and in some ways the world, through an extremely turbulent time, he eventually lost his position as Prime Minister. But did he fade away? No. Despite the fact that he failed to retain his position, and everyone thought his career was clearly in it’s dying days, he managed to make a comeback and regain his position. He must have found it difficult. He must have felt humiliated after his defeat. Part of him must have wanted to just give up and move on. But another part of him wanted to have another shot at it. And that was the part that he listened to.
When you face a challenge, which voice do you listen to, the one telling you to give up because it’s too difficult and you’ll never make it, or the one telling you to carry on because you just might succeed?
Churchill failed, and yet he came back. He didn’t fade away. He didn’t give up.
"...let us run with determination the race that lies before us" (Hebrews 12: 1-2, KJV).
Keep looking up. AJ
Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for July 9th from our featured calendar book for 2013, "The Journey: A Calendar Book",
"Keep a journey for a year at least once in your life, then reread it every now and then".
“The more light you allow within you, the brighter the world you live in will be.” ~Shakti Gawain
I found rather late in my life how the process of journaling can add many positive benefits to our lives; it assists greatly with our personal growth and development. In the consistent writing down of our thoughts we gain insight into our actions and emotions.
In addition, writing in a journal is an effective tool for use in the healing process. This was when I realized its benefits.
My journaling began following a fatal car accident in 2002. As a psychotherapist I had encouraged patients to maintain a journal following traumatic events in their lives, but I had never kept one myself. I decided it was time to "practice what I preached".
As I was driving home during rush hour traffic one evening another car took the turn into traffic in front of me (traffic was steadily rushing along at 60 miles an hour). For a split second the other driver and I made eye contact. There was no stopping my vehicle. I slammed on the brakes but this would not matter. My SUV flipped three times and landed upside down headed the opposite direction of traffic in the middle of the highway. The other vehicle rested some 50 feet away, its driver flung over the front seat.
The "slow motion phenomenon" had kicked it 100%, and as I hung there in my safety belt I realized "smoke" was rising around me. My immediate thought was I had made it through the impact unharmed only to end up being burned alive in a blazing SUV as I feared the vehicle was going to explode. I quickly struggled to get out of the safety belt, but it was jammed with my weight as I hung tightly against it. Somehow, through my frantic actions, I managed to get it loose and crawl out of the broken left window (The smoke had been from the air bag deploying). I walked away from the accident without a scratch.
Later I learned the young woman in the other car had intended for her destiny to be realized. She and her boyfriend had had a disagreement earlier in the day and she had made a statement to friends she was going to pull out in traffic. I happened to be the innocent bystander at the other end of her choice. She died on the way to the hospital.
I was devastated for her, her children (who fortunately were not in the vehicle; however there were two car seats in the back seat), her parents, her husband, even her boyfriend. I began journaling and continued for an entire year; reading over what I had written to attempt to come to terms with an event which, although I had no control over, effected me in major ways. It was my refuge in my darkest times of feeling somehow I could have kept this from having happened, but as well it was the catalyst to understanding there are no coincidences in this life; sometimes bad things happen to good people just as good things come to those who aren't so good. Although it seemed I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, in many respects I was in the right place at the right time; growth and a renewed appreciation for life resulted.
There is an abundance of power in the placing of words to paper; especially in times of crisis. By expunging our minds of the plethora of thoughts which make no sense whatsoever as garbled paragraphs in our brains, onto paper where we can reread and clarify can be an emotional triumph.
Reading after journaling helps us to reflect on where we "were" and where we am "now". It’s a method of allowing the light of understanding and compassion to shine on what's past.
If you want to improve your perspective on life and clarify issues, start writing in a journal. We can only know where we are and where we're going if we know where we've been.
We all have dark days, black moods, and anxious feelings. Use writing in a journal to explore the darkness. Keep a journal at least once in your life, then reread it every now and then. You will find your inner light when you do.
Keep looking up. AJThe Journey: A Calendar Book
There are some things in this world for which we can express "tolerance", but there are far more of which we should be "accepting".
One of the college courses I teach is "Ethnicity and Cultural Diversity in America". There isn't one of the 16 weeks the course runs I don't mention the importance of our being accepting in lieu of tolerant.
Tolerance lends itself to sounding as if, although we give the appearance of being accepting, we do so with our guard up. We will tolerate an action or individual, but we do not embrace the action or individual.
There’s something about the word, tolerance, which makes me think “putting up with” or “dealing with.” Saying, “I’m tolerant of ....,” is like saying, “I put up with .....” I know this is probably not what most people mean when they say they’re tolerant of certain things/people, but this is what it sounds like to me. We tolerate the heat here in Missouri. We tolerate our neighbors who like to fight in the street every weekend. We tolerate things which are irksome, but we must suffer through each because we live on this planet.
Acceptance, while a bit more favorable, is still a fine line. I don’t agree with so and so, but I accept them as human beings and I realize they have a valid opinion. I don’t accept when certain people try to force their beliefs on me or force their arcane laws into government, but I understand why they want to live their own lives the way they do. I do accept them as people, and there are many whom I love. We may teach our children certain individuals have a set of beliefs by which they live their lives, and ours are different, but we make sure my kids know loving people is the most important thing they can do in this world to show acceptance.
Webster’s online also defines acceptance as: “to regard as proper, normal, or inevitable [...]” This is the definition I like.
There are things in this world which are inevitable. Not everyone believes as you do, and thinking everyone eventually will is silly.
What are your thoughts on tolerance vs. acceptance? Are they different? Be accepting, in doing so you are showing compassion.
Keep looking up. AJ
Allen James' posting for July 12th ... "Give thanks"
Although today's post isn't taken from one of my Daily Guides to Success.... I felt it was appropriate for my last few day's experience.
Acknowledgment of blessings in our lives creates positive energy within. Even when things don't work out perfect, we need to learn to appreciate what went well.
As I write this I'm sitting in my brother's hospital room waiting for him to be discharged. He's been in the hospital for a week after having found out he has a bacterial infection on his spinal cord. Thankfully he is much better and is being treated with antibiotics and will be for the next 6 weeks....
Prepared to head home, they were just told their insurance won't pay for the medication at home for home treatment; they'd rather pay for him to stay in the hospital or skilled nursing home for the 6 week duration. Needless to say there is much frustration on my sister-in-law.
The doctor says it will be worked out....it just takes time to convince the insurance company of the medical necessity of the medication.
How quick we are ti ignore the reality my brother is alive. How quick we are to forget the positive. Is it only human? I think not. It is a societal evolution.
Embrace the good which comes our way. Minimize the negative. Good ALWAYS trumps bad.
Keep looking up. AJ
Our Calendar Books by Allen James' posting for July 10th is a quote from Winston Churchill, prime minister of the United Kingdom from 1940-1945 and again from 1951-1955 and whose personal successes included aiding in the defeat of the Nazi's to end World War II.
"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm."
How interesting many of our "greats" made statements which upon first glace appear "oxymoronish"...."success" and "failure" certainly are polars...yet Churchill's statement, when looked at in context, makes complete sense.
Winston Churchill can say this with some authority. After all he was a washed up ex-British Prime Minister after the Second World War.
Although he led Britain, and in some ways the world, through an extremely turbulent time, he eventually lost his position as Prime Minister. But did he fade away? No. Despite the fact that he failed to retain his position, and everyone thought his career was clearly in it’s dying days, he managed to make a comeback and regain his position. He must have found it difficult. He must have felt humiliated after his defeat. Part of him must have wanted to just give up and move on. But another part of him wanted to have another shot at it. And that was the part that he listened to.
When you face a challenge, which voice do you listen to, the one telling you to give up because it’s too difficult and you’ll never make it, or the one telling you to carry on because you just might succeed?
Churchill failed, and yet he came back. He didn’t fade away. He didn’t give up.
"...let us run with determination the race that lies before us" (Hebrews 12: 1-2, KJV).
Keep looking up. AJ
Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for July 9th from our featured calendar book for 2013, "The Journey: A Calendar Book",
"Keep a journey for a year at least once in your life, then reread it every now and then".
“The more light you allow within you, the brighter the world you live in will be.” ~Shakti Gawain
I found rather late in my life how the process of journaling can add many positive benefits to our lives; it assists greatly with our personal growth and development. In the consistent writing down of our thoughts we gain insight into our actions and emotions.
In addition, writing in a journal is an effective tool for use in the healing process. This was when I realized its benefits.
My journaling began following a fatal car accident in 2002. As a psychotherapist I had encouraged patients to maintain a journal following traumatic events in their lives, but I had never kept one myself. I decided it was time to "practice what I preached".
As I was driving home during rush hour traffic one evening another car took the turn into traffic in front of me (traffic was steadily rushing along at 60 miles an hour). For a split second the other driver and I made eye contact. There was no stopping my vehicle. I slammed on the brakes but this would not matter. My SUV flipped three times and landed upside down headed the opposite direction of traffic in the middle of the highway. The other vehicle rested some 50 feet away, its driver flung over the front seat.
The "slow motion phenomenon" had kicked it 100%, and as I hung there in my safety belt I realized "smoke" was rising around me. My immediate thought was I had made it through the impact unharmed only to end up being burned alive in a blazing SUV as I feared the vehicle was going to explode. I quickly struggled to get out of the safety belt, but it was jammed with my weight as I hung tightly against it. Somehow, through my frantic actions, I managed to get it loose and crawl out of the broken left window (The smoke had been from the air bag deploying). I walked away from the accident without a scratch.
Later I learned the young woman in the other car had intended for her destiny to be realized. She and her boyfriend had had a disagreement earlier in the day and she had made a statement to friends she was going to pull out in traffic. I happened to be the innocent bystander at the other end of her choice. She died on the way to the hospital.
I was devastated for her, her children (who fortunately were not in the vehicle; however there were two car seats in the back seat), her parents, her husband, even her boyfriend. I began journaling and continued for an entire year; reading over what I had written to attempt to come to terms with an event which, although I had no control over, effected me in major ways. It was my refuge in my darkest times of feeling somehow I could have kept this from having happened, but as well it was the catalyst to understanding there are no coincidences in this life; sometimes bad things happen to good people just as good things come to those who aren't so good. Although it seemed I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, in many respects I was in the right place at the right time; growth and a renewed appreciation for life resulted.
There is an abundance of power in the placing of words to paper; especially in times of crisis. By expunging our minds of the plethora of thoughts which make no sense whatsoever as garbled paragraphs in our brains, onto paper where we can reread and clarify can be an emotional triumph.
Reading after journaling helps us to reflect on where we "were" and where we am "now". It’s a method of allowing the light of understanding and compassion to shine on what's past.
If you want to improve your perspective on life and clarify issues, start writing in a journal. We can only know where we are and where we're going if we know where we've been.
We all have dark days, black moods, and anxious feelings. Use writing in a journal to explore the darkness. Keep a journal at least once in your life, then reread it every now and then. You will find your inner light when you do.
Keep looking up. AJThe Journey: A Calendar Book
July 8, 2013
Daily Readings - July 4th - July 8th
Calendar Books by Allen James' posting for July 8th holds a special meaning for me personally; "When voted 'Most changed since high school' at your 20th class reunion, bask in the glory".
There are few increments of time throughout our lifetimes which we don't feel are meaningless. At any given moment the "present" garners all our time and energy and the "here and now" demands we realize its vitality to who we are and where we're headed. However; our adolescence plays such a pivotal role in forming our psyche and catapulting us toward our destiny.
I was never an overachiever by any means growing up. Being the youngest of 7 older siblings far out-shined me and took care of all of my needs growing up. By the time I got to high school I felt much like the character of Jan in The Brady Bunch during the now legendary episode where her lines, "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha" echo through time; there had been 6 other Harrymans before me to whom I was expected to measure up. I wasn't a musician, I didn't play sports, I wasn't the class clown, I wasn't an honor roll student; where did I fit in the puzzle of our patchwork quilted family?
Seeming to hide in the shadows of those 6 siblings, I surprisingly was voted "Most Dependable" by my classmates our senior year. "Most Dependable". Looking back on it now I can't think of a better honor than to be thought of as dependable by those with whom I grew up.
Following high school I broke out of the mold and was talked in to attending college, not something any of my siblings had taken upon themselves. From the very moment I received my high school diploma my life changed, dramatically. For the next 20 years I lived life; married, worked, more college, mortgage, work, divorce. All the "normal" trappings of "living" passed not me by.
At the Dawson Springs High School class of 1979 reunion in 1999 and 2004 I was voted "Most Changed Since High School". For me it was another honor; it said to me those with whom I grew up who were now adults who perceived me as one of them; still dependable, but "changed" as well.
Change is good. Applaud yourself when you see changes in your life which are positive. Bask in the glory of your ability to take control of the only thing you can control, yourself, your life, your today...your future.
Keep looking up. AJ
Another beautiful day beginning. My hopes are, regardless what part of the world you're in or what time of the day it is at the moment this post is read, your day is or has been the same.
Our reading for July 7th is "Remember who your teachers were, send one a note years later".
Morrow, Monroe, Lynch, Siebert, Lowrey, Luther, Thorpe, Kiebler, Hazelwood, Bondurant, Hayes, Buzzard,Walker, Adams, Johnston, Lecke.... on and on I could go with the listing of my teachers while going through my formal education. These individuals were significant in my life during one of, if not the, most important times of my life; not only teaching me "school" lessons, but as well much about life lessons revolving relationships and social interaction.
Having become a school teacher myself and found the joy and feeling of satisfaction which one receives when past students express the appreciation for the role you played in their lives years prior, I can only encourage you to do the same when the opportunity arises.
Four years ago some of my childhood "classmates" and I visited our forth grade teacher, Mrs. Lowrey, in the nursing home where she lived, now 91 years of age. She was so touched by our visit. I'll never forget it. Although it's doubtful she recalled much from those 30 years ago...when I said to her, "Mrs. Lowrey, I remember you had us write an essay about what we thought life would be like in the year 2001" (It was 1971). It was so sweet the way she looked at me and retorted, "Jimmy, did you turn yours in?" (Maybe she didn't recall, but unknowingly she still had my number).
The people who walk through the revolving door of our lives are numerous; while some have little effect on our worlds as they share the same time and place, others have such an impact on us in positive ways it is a travesty we never acknowledge them personally. Certainly it's not expected from those who were our teachers, which is even more of a reason to do so.
Remember who your teachers were, send one a note years later...or take the time to visit with them... I bet you'll receive more from it than they.
Keep looking up. AJ
Our July 6th posting comes from our featured Calendar Book for 2013, "The Journey: A Calendar Book" (view book trailer via YouTube under same name)....
"Practice moderation in all things".
What a difficult principle for most to grasp. I know personally it has taken me many years to get to the point of not "over indulging" in select areas of my life. The majority of us "want what we want and we want it right now and we want lots of it".
When we condition ourselves to practice moderation, no matter what it may be we are doing (eating, drinking, enjoying entertainment, shopping, exercising), if we're conditioned to moderation we no longer desire to "over-endulge". We're able to be satisfied with "just enough".
I'm certainly not here to judge or berate...the road to personal success differs for each of us; however, for me, actually implementing the readings from "The Journey" has helped me get to "that" place in my life where "going forward" is something which excites and envigorates me...no regrets over past mistakes and no looking back at the miles already traveled. Taking control of the only thing we have control over...US...liberates us to make "our world" exactly what we wish it to be.
Practice moderation in ALL things...wanting LESS opens us up to so much MORE.
Keep looking up. AJ
Calendar Books by Allen James daily reading for July 5th, taken from our featured calendar book for 2013, "The Journey: A Calendar Book", "Plant a garden and see it through harvest as least once in your life".
A garden, you say? Some in today's world know not what a garden is...what a garden was to those over 45 who lived in small towns or rural America.
When I was in college and would visit my parents, each time I was preparing to leave my mother would take me back to the storage closet and have me pick out from among the many jars of canned vegetables from the year prior's harvest. I never failed to grab jars of home grown tomatoes (love em right out of the jar), fresh picked canned green beans, fresh grape jelly made from the Concord grapevine in the back yard, Bread and Butter pickles as well as Kosher Dill pickles.
As a child I recall doing little in the way of "working" the garden, but we 7 children, and any others from around the neighborhood who might be around, spend many a day shucking corn, snapping green beans and peas, picking grapes, washing tomatoes off at the outside hydrant.
When I got old enough, I planted my own strawberry patch in a bit of ground saved for me at the front of the garden plot. Learning to cultivate; water, hoe, keep straw around, pluck bad berries, overall care for my soon to be tasty fruit was something which I will never forget. I learned much about caring for all living things through having cared for and seen to completion the life cycle of a garden.
Plant a garden and see it through harvest at least once in your life. What you gain from all the time, effort, and finished produce is worth its weight in gold.
Keep looking up. AJ
Each of the 6 editions of Allen James' "Daily Guide to Success" Calendar Book series include the same reading for July 4th,
"Respect patriotism".
Notice, I didn't publish "Be patriotic", or "Show your patriotism", or even "Embrace patriotism". Very intentionally I made the day's post to read, "Respect patriotism". There's quite a difference between "respecting" in contrast to showing, embracing, or being. When we "respect" patriotism we admire and treat well the ieals on which our country of origin was founded and rests, thrives.
People of all ethnicities and nationalities should be just as respectful of patriotism in their homands. Citizens of the United States of America have no monopoly on patriotism (sometimes it seems we think we invented any and all things democratic in principle, we didn't. A large percentage of our society are too ethnocentric to believe otherwise).
Respecting patriotism means being accepting of those who wish to fly the national flag on their country's day to commemorate its freedom. Respecting patriotism means sitting aside and not interfering with others' expression of their own display of the love of their homeland.
Personal success is founded on this very action, "respect"; and there's little chance of attaining our ultimate goals without possessing a high degree of respect in every walk of life.
So on this July 4th, if you aren't one to show, be, or embrace patriotism; at the least be respectful of those who are and do.
Calendar Books by Allen James fans are all working toward the same end; attaining personal success while living the most positive lives we can.
Keep looking up. AJ
There are few increments of time throughout our lifetimes which we don't feel are meaningless. At any given moment the "present" garners all our time and energy and the "here and now" demands we realize its vitality to who we are and where we're headed. However; our adolescence plays such a pivotal role in forming our psyche and catapulting us toward our destiny.
I was never an overachiever by any means growing up. Being the youngest of 7 older siblings far out-shined me and took care of all of my needs growing up. By the time I got to high school I felt much like the character of Jan in The Brady Bunch during the now legendary episode where her lines, "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha" echo through time; there had been 6 other Harrymans before me to whom I was expected to measure up. I wasn't a musician, I didn't play sports, I wasn't the class clown, I wasn't an honor roll student; where did I fit in the puzzle of our patchwork quilted family?
Seeming to hide in the shadows of those 6 siblings, I surprisingly was voted "Most Dependable" by my classmates our senior year. "Most Dependable". Looking back on it now I can't think of a better honor than to be thought of as dependable by those with whom I grew up.
Following high school I broke out of the mold and was talked in to attending college, not something any of my siblings had taken upon themselves. From the very moment I received my high school diploma my life changed, dramatically. For the next 20 years I lived life; married, worked, more college, mortgage, work, divorce. All the "normal" trappings of "living" passed not me by.
At the Dawson Springs High School class of 1979 reunion in 1999 and 2004 I was voted "Most Changed Since High School". For me it was another honor; it said to me those with whom I grew up who were now adults who perceived me as one of them; still dependable, but "changed" as well.
Change is good. Applaud yourself when you see changes in your life which are positive. Bask in the glory of your ability to take control of the only thing you can control, yourself, your life, your today...your future.
Keep looking up. AJ
Another beautiful day beginning. My hopes are, regardless what part of the world you're in or what time of the day it is at the moment this post is read, your day is or has been the same.
Our reading for July 7th is "Remember who your teachers were, send one a note years later".
Morrow, Monroe, Lynch, Siebert, Lowrey, Luther, Thorpe, Kiebler, Hazelwood, Bondurant, Hayes, Buzzard,Walker, Adams, Johnston, Lecke.... on and on I could go with the listing of my teachers while going through my formal education. These individuals were significant in my life during one of, if not the, most important times of my life; not only teaching me "school" lessons, but as well much about life lessons revolving relationships and social interaction.
Having become a school teacher myself and found the joy and feeling of satisfaction which one receives when past students express the appreciation for the role you played in their lives years prior, I can only encourage you to do the same when the opportunity arises.
Four years ago some of my childhood "classmates" and I visited our forth grade teacher, Mrs. Lowrey, in the nursing home where she lived, now 91 years of age. She was so touched by our visit. I'll never forget it. Although it's doubtful she recalled much from those 30 years ago...when I said to her, "Mrs. Lowrey, I remember you had us write an essay about what we thought life would be like in the year 2001" (It was 1971). It was so sweet the way she looked at me and retorted, "Jimmy, did you turn yours in?" (Maybe she didn't recall, but unknowingly she still had my number).
The people who walk through the revolving door of our lives are numerous; while some have little effect on our worlds as they share the same time and place, others have such an impact on us in positive ways it is a travesty we never acknowledge them personally. Certainly it's not expected from those who were our teachers, which is even more of a reason to do so.
Remember who your teachers were, send one a note years later...or take the time to visit with them... I bet you'll receive more from it than they.
Keep looking up. AJ
Our July 6th posting comes from our featured Calendar Book for 2013, "The Journey: A Calendar Book" (view book trailer via YouTube under same name)....
"Practice moderation in all things".
What a difficult principle for most to grasp. I know personally it has taken me many years to get to the point of not "over indulging" in select areas of my life. The majority of us "want what we want and we want it right now and we want lots of it".
When we condition ourselves to practice moderation, no matter what it may be we are doing (eating, drinking, enjoying entertainment, shopping, exercising), if we're conditioned to moderation we no longer desire to "over-endulge". We're able to be satisfied with "just enough".
I'm certainly not here to judge or berate...the road to personal success differs for each of us; however, for me, actually implementing the readings from "The Journey" has helped me get to "that" place in my life where "going forward" is something which excites and envigorates me...no regrets over past mistakes and no looking back at the miles already traveled. Taking control of the only thing we have control over...US...liberates us to make "our world" exactly what we wish it to be.
Practice moderation in ALL things...wanting LESS opens us up to so much MORE.
Keep looking up. AJ
Calendar Books by Allen James daily reading for July 5th, taken from our featured calendar book for 2013, "The Journey: A Calendar Book", "Plant a garden and see it through harvest as least once in your life".
A garden, you say? Some in today's world know not what a garden is...what a garden was to those over 45 who lived in small towns or rural America.
When I was in college and would visit my parents, each time I was preparing to leave my mother would take me back to the storage closet and have me pick out from among the many jars of canned vegetables from the year prior's harvest. I never failed to grab jars of home grown tomatoes (love em right out of the jar), fresh picked canned green beans, fresh grape jelly made from the Concord grapevine in the back yard, Bread and Butter pickles as well as Kosher Dill pickles.
As a child I recall doing little in the way of "working" the garden, but we 7 children, and any others from around the neighborhood who might be around, spend many a day shucking corn, snapping green beans and peas, picking grapes, washing tomatoes off at the outside hydrant.
When I got old enough, I planted my own strawberry patch in a bit of ground saved for me at the front of the garden plot. Learning to cultivate; water, hoe, keep straw around, pluck bad berries, overall care for my soon to be tasty fruit was something which I will never forget. I learned much about caring for all living things through having cared for and seen to completion the life cycle of a garden.
Plant a garden and see it through harvest at least once in your life. What you gain from all the time, effort, and finished produce is worth its weight in gold.
Keep looking up. AJ
Each of the 6 editions of Allen James' "Daily Guide to Success" Calendar Book series include the same reading for July 4th,
"Respect patriotism".
Notice, I didn't publish "Be patriotic", or "Show your patriotism", or even "Embrace patriotism". Very intentionally I made the day's post to read, "Respect patriotism". There's quite a difference between "respecting" in contrast to showing, embracing, or being. When we "respect" patriotism we admire and treat well the ieals on which our country of origin was founded and rests, thrives.
People of all ethnicities and nationalities should be just as respectful of patriotism in their homands. Citizens of the United States of America have no monopoly on patriotism (sometimes it seems we think we invented any and all things democratic in principle, we didn't. A large percentage of our society are too ethnocentric to believe otherwise).
Respecting patriotism means being accepting of those who wish to fly the national flag on their country's day to commemorate its freedom. Respecting patriotism means sitting aside and not interfering with others' expression of their own display of the love of their homeland.
Personal success is founded on this very action, "respect"; and there's little chance of attaining our ultimate goals without possessing a high degree of respect in every walk of life.
So on this July 4th, if you aren't one to show, be, or embrace patriotism; at the least be respectful of those who are and do.
Calendar Books by Allen James fans are all working toward the same end; attaining personal success while living the most positive lives we can.
Keep looking up. AJ
July 3, 2013
Daily Reading
Calendar Books by Allen James' posting for July 3rd from "The Journey: A Calendar Book" reads,
"Use daily affirmations".
Sadly much of the time, whether it be in our work or personal lives, we have to be our own cheerleaders. If we don't pat ourselves on the back we won't be patted on the back. When we accomplish a goal, come up with a workable idea, clean up a mess; no matter how big or how small the accomplishment, it feels good to be appreciated for it.
Daily affirmations, much like Allen James' daily readings, are intended as declarations of something which is true. Affirmations are positive, specific statements to help us to overcome self-sabotaging, negative thoughts. They help us visualize and believe in what we're affirming to ourselves, helping us make positive changes to our lives and careers.
Affirmations are positive statements to help us challenge and overcome negative thinking and self-sabotaging behaviors. They're usually short, positive statements targeting a specific area, behavior, or belief we may be struggling with.
Start by thinking of the areas of your life you'd like to change. For instance, do you wish you had more patience? Or a deeper relationships with your friends or colleagues? Or do you want a more productive workday?
Write down several areas or behaviors you'd like to work on. Then, for each of these, come up with a positive, present-tense statement you can repeat to yourself several times a day.
It's also important that your affirmation is credible, believable, and based on a realistic assessment of fact. For instance, imagine you feel bad about the level of pay you're currently receiving. So you begin to use affirmations to raise your confidence about asking for an increase. However, it probably wouldn't be wise to affirm to yourself you're going to double your salary: for most people, and most organizations, doubling what you're earning in one go just isn't feasible. Keep it realistic!
NOTE: Believe it and receive it. If we don't believe the affirmations we're repeating to ourselves, it's highly unlikely they'll have any impact on our lives.
YouTube is a great place to find affirmations in a presentation which is relaxing and pleasing to the eyes. Just search for "affirmations".
Have a great day...and as always...keep looking up. AJ
"Use daily affirmations".
Sadly much of the time, whether it be in our work or personal lives, we have to be our own cheerleaders. If we don't pat ourselves on the back we won't be patted on the back. When we accomplish a goal, come up with a workable idea, clean up a mess; no matter how big or how small the accomplishment, it feels good to be appreciated for it.
Daily affirmations, much like Allen James' daily readings, are intended as declarations of something which is true. Affirmations are positive, specific statements to help us to overcome self-sabotaging, negative thoughts. They help us visualize and believe in what we're affirming to ourselves, helping us make positive changes to our lives and careers.
Affirmations are positive statements to help us challenge and overcome negative thinking and self-sabotaging behaviors. They're usually short, positive statements targeting a specific area, behavior, or belief we may be struggling with.
Start by thinking of the areas of your life you'd like to change. For instance, do you wish you had more patience? Or a deeper relationships with your friends or colleagues? Or do you want a more productive workday?
Write down several areas or behaviors you'd like to work on. Then, for each of these, come up with a positive, present-tense statement you can repeat to yourself several times a day.
It's also important that your affirmation is credible, believable, and based on a realistic assessment of fact. For instance, imagine you feel bad about the level of pay you're currently receiving. So you begin to use affirmations to raise your confidence about asking for an increase. However, it probably wouldn't be wise to affirm to yourself you're going to double your salary: for most people, and most organizations, doubling what you're earning in one go just isn't feasible. Keep it realistic!
NOTE: Believe it and receive it. If we don't believe the affirmations we're repeating to ourselves, it's highly unlikely they'll have any impact on our lives.
YouTube is a great place to find affirmations in a presentation which is relaxing and pleasing to the eyes. Just search for "affirmations".
Have a great day...and as always...keep looking up. AJ
July 1, 2013
Daily Reading
Calendar Books by Allen James' posting for July 1st from "The Journey: A Calendar Book"..."NEVER accept violence as an option".
Domestic violence, gender violence, work violence; on and on I could go naming the various places where violence takes center stage at some point or another. In today's world it seems the "Golden Rule" has become, "Do unto others BEFORE they do unto you". How sad.
I've never been a fighter. Oh, sure; there were the "King of the mountain" fights between my next oldest brother and me when we were kids, but other than those I can't recall a time where violence ever seems like an appropriate option. When I was married my wife would become livid when I couldn't fight back with her when she became upset over something; then the brushes and pots and pans would fly. It frustrates others when we don't respond in the matter similar to how they are responding.
My oldest brother told me a story I'd never heard about how he and my next to the oldest brother got in a fight one day when they were small (pre-teens, circa 1956). Dad would regularly give them boxing gloves to head out to the front yard and "duke it out". My oldest brother got sucker punched in the nose and ended up with a nose bleed. He finally went in to have mom take care of it. When he returned, my father gave him one of his own punches for having "run to mommy" with the nose bleed.
As a young boy I recall my siblings fighting all the time (the two brothers a year and two years older than I). What upset me the most was when they would get physical: hitting, kicking, pinching, pushing and hair pulling; I would usually end up hollering at them. I allowed their actions to control my emotional responses.
Children are not born knowing how to negotiate or compromise. When they are frustrated, angry or annoyed they will sometimes strike out physically. If they aren't taught the skills they need to control their emotions and if they aren't given direction about how to negotiate and compromise, they may continue to resort to physical actions to get their way. It's our job as adults to teach them how to work through their disagreements in a socially acceptable way.
Here are a few options to assist children in realizing violence is better left along. Have the two who are fighting sit on the sofa at opposite ends, or on two adjacent chairs. Tell them they may get up when they have resolved the issue. At first you may have to mediate and guide the resolution. Over time they will learn how to negotiate and compromise on their own.
When two children are physically fighting, immediately separate them into different rooms for a cooling off period. When they have both calmed down, sit them at the table together and arbitrate a discussion between them until the issue is resolved.
Tell them they may not play together for one hour. Banish them to separate rooms. (Do not allow either child to watch TV or play video games.) Their first response is likely to be, "Great! I didn't want to play with him anyway." But after a boring hour playing alone, they will likely be better company for each other.
Have the aggressor do a chore for the injured sibling, such as make the bed or take out the trash. An alternate idea is to fine the aggressor a pre-determined amount of money, such as 25 cents. The injured sibling gets to keep the payment. (Impose a penalty only if YOU see the aggressive action.) Contract for better behavior: With your help, have the children create a contract agreement between them. Spell out what actions are unacceptable and what the consequences will be imposed for failure to meet the contract terms. Have each child sign the agreement and post it conspicuously. Follow through with the agreed consequences when necessary.
We mustn't always assume the child who is doing the hitting is the only one at fault. Sometimes the "victim" has taunted, teased, insulted and tormented the sibling to the point of wild frustration. While it is never appropriate for one child to hit another, it would behoove you to be aware of any behind the scenes torture which may be testing your child's patience to its limit. If you discover this is happening, begin to hold both children accountable for their behavior.
Catch them being good. Reward them for getting along with positive attention. When your children are playing together without fighting, make a comment of appreciation, such as, "I'm happy that you guys enjoy playing together." Giving attention when things are going well will encourage them to continue the positive behavior.
If your children have frequent intense battles, it is a symptom of a much bigger problem. It would be wise to seek the advice of a family counselor or therapist. You may be able to find an appropriate specialist through your church, school, physician or local hospital. This is a difficult issue to resolve on your own. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Asking for help is a sign that you really care about your children and their relationship with each other
(sheknows.com).
With 7 kids at her feet constantly bickering and badgering each other, momma got really good at just yelling, "Take it outside. No fighting in the house", and she could always use the, "Just wait until your father gets home".
NEVER accept violence as an option....and...keep looking up.
It's a beautiful morning in Central Illinois where I'm visiting my sister, Sandra Talbot, and her family; Ron, Matthew, Crystal, Lydia, Brittany, Clara, Naomi, Alisha and Justin. We've had a great weekend.
Calendar Books by Allen James' thought for the day is: "To be positive we must THINK positive".
Since we've been talking about our lives and futures, inevitably and ultimately we have to make certain decisions. Decisions are about making the appropriate choices (Nobody wants to make the wrong choices anyway). No matter how pressed we are, we have to know we have choices. We just have to decide which course to take. Whichever course we choose, there will be consequences waiting for us, be it good or be it bad. The choices we make today will color the spectrum of our life in the future. We may dream of "flying to the moon and play with the stars" but before we could do that, we need to do certain things first. We certainly could not wait for the moon to fall on our lap. We need to set our dreams, choose the vehicle to achieve our dreams, transform our dreams into tangible goals and last but not least, we need to act fast as if our life depends on it.
Do I consider myself idealistic? Hmmm ... I do not know. First of all, I personally do not think there is anything wrong with being an idealist. As a therapist those who came to me with their problems. I would advise them and provide them with something to hold on to. My hopes are they leave feeling good about themselves. This always made me feel good about myself. Now, when come to me telling me how difficult it is to do one thing or another, after talking to them and letting them see things with their heart, they leave with renewed spirit and recharged energy. Our words of encouragement help others feel good and this is what makes us feel good about ourselves. If this is being idealistic, then I have to succumb to your definition of the very word. I know things are not perfect and rosy all the time. Things we want will not fall into our lap without putting up a fight. Winners do not quit, only losers do! One thing which differentiates winners and losers is, winners do not give up.
When the chips are down, I do not to spend too much time finding out why they were down. But I need to know which chips are still standing and make the best of what I have. Learn from the mistakes and claw my way back. Falling down flat on my face is beginning to be a common thing. But picking things up and put the pieces back together, forging forward is a brave thing to do. These are the trademarks of a true champion. And I think this is true in everything we do; be it business, working for someone or even relationships!
I appreciate the strength I have gained over the years being trained at the "HardKnocks University". I agree with "survival of the fittest". I can't be living life being a "fire fighter" all the time. I need to see things from a structural standpoint and to be able to understand what went wrong and what didn't. Since I am not going to live forever, I must be able to share with those who will come after how to do things correct the first time; isn't this what learning is all about?
Those are not the words of a therapist and educator, but it comes from what I sincerely believe in. Is this being idealistic? I am just being a realist! I say no more.
Keep looking up. AJ
Calendar Books by Allen James' posting for June 29th reiterates the Allen James formula for personal success, "I LIVE".
If you recall, a few weeks ago I introduced the acronym for my formula leading to personal success, I LIVE. Here I explain again as it's worth being reminded of.
I = Identify the goals you hope to achieve.
L = Liberate yourself from your old way of thinking.
I = Invest time and energy in doing what you need to do to attain your goals.
V = Validate yourself regularly, assuring yourself you have what it takes to accomplish your goals.
E - Embrace your success after attaining what you set out to attain. Enjoy and celebrate the victory.
Each and every one of us holds the potential to do great things, but we MUST draw from within and realize it is only through our own doing.
As always...keep looking up. AJ
Domestic violence, gender violence, work violence; on and on I could go naming the various places where violence takes center stage at some point or another. In today's world it seems the "Golden Rule" has become, "Do unto others BEFORE they do unto you". How sad.
I've never been a fighter. Oh, sure; there were the "King of the mountain" fights between my next oldest brother and me when we were kids, but other than those I can't recall a time where violence ever seems like an appropriate option. When I was married my wife would become livid when I couldn't fight back with her when she became upset over something; then the brushes and pots and pans would fly. It frustrates others when we don't respond in the matter similar to how they are responding.
My oldest brother told me a story I'd never heard about how he and my next to the oldest brother got in a fight one day when they were small (pre-teens, circa 1956). Dad would regularly give them boxing gloves to head out to the front yard and "duke it out". My oldest brother got sucker punched in the nose and ended up with a nose bleed. He finally went in to have mom take care of it. When he returned, my father gave him one of his own punches for having "run to mommy" with the nose bleed.
As a young boy I recall my siblings fighting all the time (the two brothers a year and two years older than I). What upset me the most was when they would get physical: hitting, kicking, pinching, pushing and hair pulling; I would usually end up hollering at them. I allowed their actions to control my emotional responses.
Children are not born knowing how to negotiate or compromise. When they are frustrated, angry or annoyed they will sometimes strike out physically. If they aren't taught the skills they need to control their emotions and if they aren't given direction about how to negotiate and compromise, they may continue to resort to physical actions to get their way. It's our job as adults to teach them how to work through their disagreements in a socially acceptable way.
Here are a few options to assist children in realizing violence is better left along. Have the two who are fighting sit on the sofa at opposite ends, or on two adjacent chairs. Tell them they may get up when they have resolved the issue. At first you may have to mediate and guide the resolution. Over time they will learn how to negotiate and compromise on their own.
When two children are physically fighting, immediately separate them into different rooms for a cooling off period. When they have both calmed down, sit them at the table together and arbitrate a discussion between them until the issue is resolved.
Tell them they may not play together for one hour. Banish them to separate rooms. (Do not allow either child to watch TV or play video games.) Their first response is likely to be, "Great! I didn't want to play with him anyway." But after a boring hour playing alone, they will likely be better company for each other.
Have the aggressor do a chore for the injured sibling, such as make the bed or take out the trash. An alternate idea is to fine the aggressor a pre-determined amount of money, such as 25 cents. The injured sibling gets to keep the payment. (Impose a penalty only if YOU see the aggressive action.) Contract for better behavior: With your help, have the children create a contract agreement between them. Spell out what actions are unacceptable and what the consequences will be imposed for failure to meet the contract terms. Have each child sign the agreement and post it conspicuously. Follow through with the agreed consequences when necessary.
We mustn't always assume the child who is doing the hitting is the only one at fault. Sometimes the "victim" has taunted, teased, insulted and tormented the sibling to the point of wild frustration. While it is never appropriate for one child to hit another, it would behoove you to be aware of any behind the scenes torture which may be testing your child's patience to its limit. If you discover this is happening, begin to hold both children accountable for their behavior.
Catch them being good. Reward them for getting along with positive attention. When your children are playing together without fighting, make a comment of appreciation, such as, "I'm happy that you guys enjoy playing together." Giving attention when things are going well will encourage them to continue the positive behavior.
If your children have frequent intense battles, it is a symptom of a much bigger problem. It would be wise to seek the advice of a family counselor or therapist. You may be able to find an appropriate specialist through your church, school, physician or local hospital. This is a difficult issue to resolve on your own. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Asking for help is a sign that you really care about your children and their relationship with each other
(sheknows.com).
With 7 kids at her feet constantly bickering and badgering each other, momma got really good at just yelling, "Take it outside. No fighting in the house", and she could always use the, "Just wait until your father gets home".
NEVER accept violence as an option....and...keep looking up.
It's a beautiful morning in Central Illinois where I'm visiting my sister, Sandra Talbot, and her family; Ron, Matthew, Crystal, Lydia, Brittany, Clara, Naomi, Alisha and Justin. We've had a great weekend.
Calendar Books by Allen James' thought for the day is: "To be positive we must THINK positive".
Since we've been talking about our lives and futures, inevitably and ultimately we have to make certain decisions. Decisions are about making the appropriate choices (Nobody wants to make the wrong choices anyway). No matter how pressed we are, we have to know we have choices. We just have to decide which course to take. Whichever course we choose, there will be consequences waiting for us, be it good or be it bad. The choices we make today will color the spectrum of our life in the future. We may dream of "flying to the moon and play with the stars" but before we could do that, we need to do certain things first. We certainly could not wait for the moon to fall on our lap. We need to set our dreams, choose the vehicle to achieve our dreams, transform our dreams into tangible goals and last but not least, we need to act fast as if our life depends on it.
Do I consider myself idealistic? Hmmm ... I do not know. First of all, I personally do not think there is anything wrong with being an idealist. As a therapist those who came to me with their problems. I would advise them and provide them with something to hold on to. My hopes are they leave feeling good about themselves. This always made me feel good about myself. Now, when come to me telling me how difficult it is to do one thing or another, after talking to them and letting them see things with their heart, they leave with renewed spirit and recharged energy. Our words of encouragement help others feel good and this is what makes us feel good about ourselves. If this is being idealistic, then I have to succumb to your definition of the very word. I know things are not perfect and rosy all the time. Things we want will not fall into our lap without putting up a fight. Winners do not quit, only losers do! One thing which differentiates winners and losers is, winners do not give up.
When the chips are down, I do not to spend too much time finding out why they were down. But I need to know which chips are still standing and make the best of what I have. Learn from the mistakes and claw my way back. Falling down flat on my face is beginning to be a common thing. But picking things up and put the pieces back together, forging forward is a brave thing to do. These are the trademarks of a true champion. And I think this is true in everything we do; be it business, working for someone or even relationships!
I appreciate the strength I have gained over the years being trained at the "HardKnocks University". I agree with "survival of the fittest". I can't be living life being a "fire fighter" all the time. I need to see things from a structural standpoint and to be able to understand what went wrong and what didn't. Since I am not going to live forever, I must be able to share with those who will come after how to do things correct the first time; isn't this what learning is all about?
Those are not the words of a therapist and educator, but it comes from what I sincerely believe in. Is this being idealistic? I am just being a realist! I say no more.
Keep looking up. AJ
Calendar Books by Allen James' posting for June 29th reiterates the Allen James formula for personal success, "I LIVE".
If you recall, a few weeks ago I introduced the acronym for my formula leading to personal success, I LIVE. Here I explain again as it's worth being reminded of.
I = Identify the goals you hope to achieve.
L = Liberate yourself from your old way of thinking.
I = Invest time and energy in doing what you need to do to attain your goals.
V = Validate yourself regularly, assuring yourself you have what it takes to accomplish your goals.
E - Embrace your success after attaining what you set out to attain. Enjoy and celebrate the victory.
Each and every one of us holds the potential to do great things, but we MUST draw from within and realize it is only through our own doing.
As always...keep looking up. AJ
June 29, 2013
Daily Reading
Calendar Books by Allen James' posting for June 29th reiterates the Allen James formula for personal success, "I LIVE".
If you recall, a few weeks ago I introduced the acronym for my formula leading to personal success, I LIVE. Here I explain again as it's worth being reminded of.
I = Identify the goals you hope to achieve.
L = Liberate yourself from your old way of thinking.
I = Invest time and energy in doing what you need to do to attain your goals.
V = Validate yourself regularly, assuring yourself you have what it takes to accomplish your goals.
E - Embrace your success after attaining what you set out to attain. Enjoy and celebrate the victory.
Each and every one of us holds the potential to do great things, but we MUST draw from within and realize it is only through our own doing.
As always...keep looking up. AJ
If you recall, a few weeks ago I introduced the acronym for my formula leading to personal success, I LIVE. Here I explain again as it's worth being reminded of.
I = Identify the goals you hope to achieve.
L = Liberate yourself from your old way of thinking.
I = Invest time and energy in doing what you need to do to attain your goals.
V = Validate yourself regularly, assuring yourself you have what it takes to accomplish your goals.
E - Embrace your success after attaining what you set out to attain. Enjoy and celebrate the victory.
Each and every one of us holds the potential to do great things, but we MUST draw from within and realize it is only through our own doing.
As always...keep looking up. AJ
June 28, 2013
Daily Reading
Calendar Books by Allen James' posting for June 28th is from "The Journey: A Calendar Book", and reads...
"Remember, we all need our personal space".
Proxemics is defined as: "The study of the cultural, behavioral, and sociological aspects of spatial distances between individuals" (Wood, 2012). Included within this study is a discussion about personal space and the role which varying cultures tolerate or allow distance to play in nonverbal communication; and like every other aspect of our world, individuals differ in their level of tolerance/allowance of their personal space as well.
This is an important bit of information to be aware of in your journey to personal success. Others may or may not let you know if you're "in their space". Discomfort while communicating can "turn off" those with whom a message is being conveyed. A few years ago I was working with a group of students on resume writing. Having established a positive rapport I was making great progress in getting what needed to be covered, covered within the time I had. Another instructor came in and walked around the room to assist. As I came up to "Trina" (name has been changed to protect the innocent) she was visibly upset. The other teacher had come over to help her and placed a hand on her shoulder and asked if she needed assistance. "Trina" was one of those individuals who doesn't like to be touched. Her personal space had been invaded and anxiety overwhelmed her.
We can't always know what others' foibles are. This is yet another reason it is so important to take the time to really get to know those who are parts of our worlds. When we take the time to do so, and allow others to know the same about us, we open the lines of communication to a point of clarity, thus messages, verbal or nonverbal, are clearly understood.
Remember, we all need our personal space.
Keep looking up. AJ
Calendar Books by Allen James post for June 27th from our featured calendar book for 2013, "The Journey: A Calendar Book", reads..."Have a firm handshake".
There are many attributes to WHO we are and HOW we are which contribute to personal success...but one of the most impressionable to others is our handshake upon first meeting.
Whether you're a skilled communicator or not, when you first come in contact with someone and extend your hand, there's nothing more reflective of the other person than their handshake; a cool, "dead fish" handshake indicates a far different message regarding the one issuing it than the opposite of a firm, warm grip.
It's always entertaining to the high school seniors with whom I work when I'm teaching employment skills and we get to the discussion regarding our handshakes. I go from student to student extending my hand and first go around the classroom providing the cool, "dead fish" handshake, then return a second time with the firm, warm grip (Students aren't use to an adult being "hands on" these days; they don't know how to respond). Yes, entertained, but they get the message in a big way.
A recent study from an American university showed a firm handshake matters greatly when it comes to impressing a potential employer at an interview.
Even though you may look like a million dollars and know the boss’s fish is NEMO, a limp, ‘wet fish’ handshake could undermine all your hard earned research.
The study was comprised of 98 undergraduates who took part in mock interviews with businesses; they were graded on their overall performance, then given a handshake rating based on grip, strength, duration, vigor and eye contact.
Professor Greg Stewart, from the University of Iowa, who led the study, reported those who scored highly with the handshake raters were also considered the most hirable by the interviewers.
Unsurprisingly, those who didn’t impress were the students with the limp handshakes who were perceived as timid and having less than gregarious personalities.
Professor Stewart said: “We’ve always heard that interviewers make up their mind about a person in the first two or three minutes of an interview.
“But we found that the first impression begins with a handshake and that sets the tone for the rest of the interview.
“We don’t consciously remember a person’s handshake but it is one of the first non-verbal clues we get about the person’s overall personality, and that impression is what we remember.”
The raters shook hands while greeting each participant, either before or after the interview, so both interviewees and interviewers were unaware that handshakes were being evaluated.
A firm handshake is just one important element of non-verbal communication which affects personal success in a very big way.
Have a firm handshake and take one more step toward personal success.
Keep looking up. AJ
Calendar Books by Allen James reading for June 26th from "The Journey: A Calendar Book",
"Enjoy a good meal".
Now I know upon first reading today's posting there may be a resounding, "HUH?" But again, it's another of those "obvious" which is taken for granted. I'm not just saying, "Enjoy a good meal"...I'm saying, "ENJOY a good meal". This consists of much more than just having your favorite foods.
Long gone are the days of sitting around the family dinner table sharing a meal. Since the arrival of the TV dinner in the early 1950s, the migration from the dining room to the TV trays in the living room/den was inevitable. Along with the loss of the family meals as well went the gathering together of the family to share their days and connect with one another.
Enjoying a "good meal" means not only savoring the flavor and healthfulness of the foods we eat, but also savoring the time of relaxation which comes with the "good meal".
Family meal times teach proper manners, social skills, communication skills while strengthening relationships between parents/children and siblings; and also allow for the appropriate digestion of foods.
A "good meal" is much more than a stop for fast food on the go. A "good meal" is much more than satisfying our need for nutrition. A "good meal" is something in today's world which comes much too seldom but is much too needed.
Enjoy a good meal....REALLY enjoy a good meal, and find out what you're missing out on. Then you'll question less, "What ever happened to the American family".
Keep looking up. AJ
Our posting for June 25th from Calendar Books by Allen James is interestingly enough, a quote from the father of the modern "power of positive thinking" movement (no...not Norman Vincent Peale) and author of "As a Man Thinketh", James Allen:
"You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you."
--- James Allen
People often say to me, "What is it about your life that keeps you so upbeat all the time?" Or I'm asked, "What is it you are doing different than me?" Consider for a moment the following scenario:
You and your buddy down the street have gone to all the same seminars, attended the same workshops, learned the same techniques and formulae for personal success. Yet, he appears to be happier, more fulfilled, living personal successes every day.
Most times, the difference isn't in what he's doing, but in the person performing them.
Your friend down the street already knows the secret to practice and personal success. What’s your buddy's secret? Is he smarter than you? NO. Is he a better person than you? NO. Did he go to a better school than you? Most likely not—he’s just learned how to harness his personal power to allow him to become the successful, self-empowered person he is. He’s learned how to create his own breakthroughs, to allow him to move beyond his fears and limiting beliefs. He is accomplishing goals and realizing his true desires, turning dreams into reality, creating fulfilling relationships, and modeling the strategies of peak performers to produce a quantum difference in his life.
“Just what does it take to get ahead these days? Why can’t I get motivated? Why aren't my personal life and career turning out the way I want?”
So, what gives? Who succeeds and why? What does it take to become the best version of yourself possible? Is it the quality of the school you attended? Is it that grade you got on your licensing exam? The number of letters after your name? Sometimes.
Many of us know stories about people who were at the top of their class, yet, somehow, never achieved success. In other instances, there are those who got mediocre grades, or didn’t go to the top schools, who become leaders in their chosen fields. It got me thinking:
While, arguably, some people experience a better all around educational experience, the bottom line is, YOU are ultimately responsible for your success or failure, both in business and in real life. It’s all about what YOU create. That’s why there is a discrepancy between being at the top of your class and your level of success /failure/mediocrity in the real world!
Many times, we may find ourselves on the wrong road in life’s journey and not know how we got there. We may have no clue as to how to get the things we want and need for a fulfilling life. We feel stuck.
What if you could create the life style you've always dreamed of? What if you could do it in a low stress environment? What if you could find the perfect balance between your personal and professional life?
What would your life look like if there were no rules and you couldn't fail?
The way you interpret your life experience creates your identity.
“It's been said, all is an illusion. That's an insufficient distinction; more accurately, it's all a perception. “
--- Eldon Taylor
From the time you were born, you've received both positive and negative messages from your surroundings. Throughout my life, my mother told a story about how when she was a little girl she was kidnapped for a day as ransom for her father's gambling debts. For years I had an unfounded fear of being grabbed on the streets and taken captive; my subconscious mind would run the tape of my mother's story.
Mom’s words had become my reality.
All those messages, indelibly programmed into your subconscious combine to create your belief system. They become the filters through which we create our reality…our self-image, acting on them as if they’re true. While they don’t change the world around us, they filter our life experience until we believe them to be true.
You become the person you think you are. If you think you’re someone who will never amount to anything… guess what? You’re correct.
Rethink the thoughts which started your day. If you need to, reword and restate the inner conversation which you internalize as you go about your "living". We have no one to blame but ourselves for the outcome of each moment.
Keep looking up. AJ
"Remember, we all need our personal space".
Proxemics is defined as: "The study of the cultural, behavioral, and sociological aspects of spatial distances between individuals" (Wood, 2012). Included within this study is a discussion about personal space and the role which varying cultures tolerate or allow distance to play in nonverbal communication; and like every other aspect of our world, individuals differ in their level of tolerance/allowance of their personal space as well.
This is an important bit of information to be aware of in your journey to personal success. Others may or may not let you know if you're "in their space". Discomfort while communicating can "turn off" those with whom a message is being conveyed. A few years ago I was working with a group of students on resume writing. Having established a positive rapport I was making great progress in getting what needed to be covered, covered within the time I had. Another instructor came in and walked around the room to assist. As I came up to "Trina" (name has been changed to protect the innocent) she was visibly upset. The other teacher had come over to help her and placed a hand on her shoulder and asked if she needed assistance. "Trina" was one of those individuals who doesn't like to be touched. Her personal space had been invaded and anxiety overwhelmed her.
We can't always know what others' foibles are. This is yet another reason it is so important to take the time to really get to know those who are parts of our worlds. When we take the time to do so, and allow others to know the same about us, we open the lines of communication to a point of clarity, thus messages, verbal or nonverbal, are clearly understood.
Remember, we all need our personal space.
Keep looking up. AJ
Calendar Books by Allen James post for June 27th from our featured calendar book for 2013, "The Journey: A Calendar Book", reads..."Have a firm handshake".
There are many attributes to WHO we are and HOW we are which contribute to personal success...but one of the most impressionable to others is our handshake upon first meeting.
Whether you're a skilled communicator or not, when you first come in contact with someone and extend your hand, there's nothing more reflective of the other person than their handshake; a cool, "dead fish" handshake indicates a far different message regarding the one issuing it than the opposite of a firm, warm grip.
It's always entertaining to the high school seniors with whom I work when I'm teaching employment skills and we get to the discussion regarding our handshakes. I go from student to student extending my hand and first go around the classroom providing the cool, "dead fish" handshake, then return a second time with the firm, warm grip (Students aren't use to an adult being "hands on" these days; they don't know how to respond). Yes, entertained, but they get the message in a big way.
A recent study from an American university showed a firm handshake matters greatly when it comes to impressing a potential employer at an interview.
Even though you may look like a million dollars and know the boss’s fish is NEMO, a limp, ‘wet fish’ handshake could undermine all your hard earned research.
The study was comprised of 98 undergraduates who took part in mock interviews with businesses; they were graded on their overall performance, then given a handshake rating based on grip, strength, duration, vigor and eye contact.
Professor Greg Stewart, from the University of Iowa, who led the study, reported those who scored highly with the handshake raters were also considered the most hirable by the interviewers.
Unsurprisingly, those who didn’t impress were the students with the limp handshakes who were perceived as timid and having less than gregarious personalities.
Professor Stewart said: “We’ve always heard that interviewers make up their mind about a person in the first two or three minutes of an interview.
“But we found that the first impression begins with a handshake and that sets the tone for the rest of the interview.
“We don’t consciously remember a person’s handshake but it is one of the first non-verbal clues we get about the person’s overall personality, and that impression is what we remember.”
The raters shook hands while greeting each participant, either before or after the interview, so both interviewees and interviewers were unaware that handshakes were being evaluated.
A firm handshake is just one important element of non-verbal communication which affects personal success in a very big way.
Have a firm handshake and take one more step toward personal success.
Keep looking up. AJ
Calendar Books by Allen James reading for June 26th from "The Journey: A Calendar Book",
"Enjoy a good meal".
Now I know upon first reading today's posting there may be a resounding, "HUH?" But again, it's another of those "obvious" which is taken for granted. I'm not just saying, "Enjoy a good meal"...I'm saying, "ENJOY a good meal". This consists of much more than just having your favorite foods.
Long gone are the days of sitting around the family dinner table sharing a meal. Since the arrival of the TV dinner in the early 1950s, the migration from the dining room to the TV trays in the living room/den was inevitable. Along with the loss of the family meals as well went the gathering together of the family to share their days and connect with one another.
Enjoying a "good meal" means not only savoring the flavor and healthfulness of the foods we eat, but also savoring the time of relaxation which comes with the "good meal".
Family meal times teach proper manners, social skills, communication skills while strengthening relationships between parents/children and siblings; and also allow for the appropriate digestion of foods.
A "good meal" is much more than a stop for fast food on the go. A "good meal" is much more than satisfying our need for nutrition. A "good meal" is something in today's world which comes much too seldom but is much too needed.
Enjoy a good meal....REALLY enjoy a good meal, and find out what you're missing out on. Then you'll question less, "What ever happened to the American family".
Keep looking up. AJ
Our posting for June 25th from Calendar Books by Allen James is interestingly enough, a quote from the father of the modern "power of positive thinking" movement (no...not Norman Vincent Peale) and author of "As a Man Thinketh", James Allen:
"You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you."
--- James Allen
People often say to me, "What is it about your life that keeps you so upbeat all the time?" Or I'm asked, "What is it you are doing different than me?" Consider for a moment the following scenario:
You and your buddy down the street have gone to all the same seminars, attended the same workshops, learned the same techniques and formulae for personal success. Yet, he appears to be happier, more fulfilled, living personal successes every day.
Most times, the difference isn't in what he's doing, but in the person performing them.
Your friend down the street already knows the secret to practice and personal success. What’s your buddy's secret? Is he smarter than you? NO. Is he a better person than you? NO. Did he go to a better school than you? Most likely not—he’s just learned how to harness his personal power to allow him to become the successful, self-empowered person he is. He’s learned how to create his own breakthroughs, to allow him to move beyond his fears and limiting beliefs. He is accomplishing goals and realizing his true desires, turning dreams into reality, creating fulfilling relationships, and modeling the strategies of peak performers to produce a quantum difference in his life.
“Just what does it take to get ahead these days? Why can’t I get motivated? Why aren't my personal life and career turning out the way I want?”
So, what gives? Who succeeds and why? What does it take to become the best version of yourself possible? Is it the quality of the school you attended? Is it that grade you got on your licensing exam? The number of letters after your name? Sometimes.
Many of us know stories about people who were at the top of their class, yet, somehow, never achieved success. In other instances, there are those who got mediocre grades, or didn’t go to the top schools, who become leaders in their chosen fields. It got me thinking:
While, arguably, some people experience a better all around educational experience, the bottom line is, YOU are ultimately responsible for your success or failure, both in business and in real life. It’s all about what YOU create. That’s why there is a discrepancy between being at the top of your class and your level of success /failure/mediocrity in the real world!
Many times, we may find ourselves on the wrong road in life’s journey and not know how we got there. We may have no clue as to how to get the things we want and need for a fulfilling life. We feel stuck.
What if you could create the life style you've always dreamed of? What if you could do it in a low stress environment? What if you could find the perfect balance between your personal and professional life?
What would your life look like if there were no rules and you couldn't fail?
The way you interpret your life experience creates your identity.
“It's been said, all is an illusion. That's an insufficient distinction; more accurately, it's all a perception. “
--- Eldon Taylor
From the time you were born, you've received both positive and negative messages from your surroundings. Throughout my life, my mother told a story about how when she was a little girl she was kidnapped for a day as ransom for her father's gambling debts. For years I had an unfounded fear of being grabbed on the streets and taken captive; my subconscious mind would run the tape of my mother's story.
Mom’s words had become my reality.
All those messages, indelibly programmed into your subconscious combine to create your belief system. They become the filters through which we create our reality…our self-image, acting on them as if they’re true. While they don’t change the world around us, they filter our life experience until we believe them to be true.
You become the person you think you are. If you think you’re someone who will never amount to anything… guess what? You’re correct.
Rethink the thoughts which started your day. If you need to, reword and restate the inner conversation which you internalize as you go about your "living". We have no one to blame but ourselves for the outcome of each moment.
Keep looking up. AJ
June 24, 2013
Daily Reading - Postings for June 18th, 20th, 22nd, 23rd, and 24th.
Calendar Books by Allen James reading for June 24th is taken from "A Graduate's Daily Guide to Success"...
"Take a self-defense class".
Self-defense is the use of force to defend oneself when under attack. This might be a physical attack or mental attack. Whichever, we should be well able to defend ourselves and have confidence in our ability to do so.
Given the ultra-modern world in which we live, we never are sure of what might be around the next corner. Being prepared, but not paranoid, is a good rule of thumb. Having some training in self-defense is just good sense.
Over the past few decades martial arts and other physical form of self defense have become ideal self-defense tactics; effective because only the body and mind are requirements for use. They not only protect lives, but also promote beneficial effects for both mind and body.
In addition to martial arts there are also hand-held electrocuting devices, flammable paraphernalia, or even body spray will do the trick.
Other than the actual self-defense, it is also important to use your head; common sense. Don’t take routes which seclude you; such as passing through dark alleys. These kinds of decisions only increase the risk of attack.
There are countless other ways we can protect ourselves. Regardless, knowing how to defend yourself in the event you are faced with a need to do so is more and more necessary in the 21st century; and the most effective form is learning martial arts. You can achieve this through enrolling in martial clinic or class near you or you can surf the net and find video or reading materials which will help you learn effective self defense.
We don't have to be a boy scout to utilize the boy scout motto; be prepared.
Keep looking up. AJ
Calendar Books by Allen James reading for June 23rd. ...from "The Journey: A Calendar Book"....
"Go by where Grandma used to live ever so. often and recall".
For a majority of us who are "middle aged", who we are can be attributed to the "old country", as a co-worker says, values instilled in us through the examples reflected in our grandparents while visiting "the old homeplace".
Although each of our experiences with our grandparents are varied, just as the names we called them (Mamaw, Papaw; Memaw, Granddaddy; Memmie, Poppaw), the lessons learned and the values which make up who we are can not be what they are without the mixture of those modeled by
our family elders.
The afternoons of swinging on Mamaw's front porch, walks to the outhouse in the dark of night, hours of Hide-n-seek on Saturday visits, or just the quiet evenings sitting in her lap by the old coal stove embraced by her time worn arms; we were more aware in those moments than we knew.
Grandparents are different now; younger it seems, active and healthy, thank goodness. However, children still learn much from their family elders; this never changes.
Going by where Mamaw used to live ever so often, even though the house is no longer standing, I am reminded of the love and care which I received on that spot; and the smells, sounds, tastes, and yes, even the sights of my childhood come rushing back to urge me to always remember.....
Take the trip....go by where your grandparents used to live and recall.....you'll be glad you did.
And as always...keep looking up. AJ
Calendar Books by Allen James reading for June 22nd,
"Success is not the result of spontanious combustion, you must set yourself on fire" (Reggie Leach)
Calendar Books by Allen James reading for June 20th comes from "A Graduate's Daily Guide to Success"...
"When in a disagreement, speak in the first person. This let's them know you have feelings too" (It also keeps you from placing blame on "them").
First person: I
Second person: You
Third person: They
Akin to the well-known statement, "When you point the finger at someone else there are three fingers pointing back at you", taking this principle throughout your communication in general can make the difference between "hurting feelings" and "owning feelings".
Through the years I've conducted many parenting classes utilizing the "Systematic Training for Effective Parenting" (STEP) program. This cost effective, research proven program gets results when rearing children, but many of its principles are just as legitimate when interacting with adults.
Through the use of "I" statements in lieu of "YOU" statements not only assists others in realizing you have feelings as well as they, it as well assist others in realizing you validate THEIR feelings as well, and take responsibility for YOUR emotions and role in a disagreement.
Consider the following dialog:
Scott: "You make me feel like a monster when you are always saying I'm cold-hearted."
Patricia: "Well you are cold-hearted. You never consider my feelings. You are always thinking of yourself. It's always about you".
Scott: "You're the one who always has to have your way".
Patricia: "How can you say that? You're so mean."
Clearly a heated exchange such as this is going to get nowhere fast in assuaging the concern Scott and Patricia have. Such use of "YOU" statements is an attempt to place blame on others and blocks any progress the two may make in resolving the REAL issues the two SHARE.
Now consider the use of "I" statements in the same scenario:
Scott: "I feel like such a monster when I hear you say I'm cold-hearted."
Patricia: "Scott...a monster? Really? That's not my intention. Not a monster."
Scott: Patricia, when I hear statements such as, 'Why can't I have a say so', I feel as if I'm not being listened to. I want us both to have a say so in all our decisions".
Patricia: "That's so good to hear. I just don't always feel included in our decisions."
Scott: "I going to work on making sure it's not always about me. Patricia, I love our relationship and want it to beat the odds."
Patricia: "I love you to Scott. Let's always work as a team."
There's no doubt this second dialog will get Scott and Patricia farther in understanding each other more clearly. Neither are placing blame, instead both are acknowledging their own feelings which clarifies to the other how the situation appears to them.
One of my pet peeves, which we hear daily, is our habitual phrase, "You made me feel..." or "He/she makes me feel...". When I hear this, (and while "I" truly attempt NOT to say it...it's not always easy) my response is always, "No one can MAKE you feel anything. We choose our emotional responses just as we choose our physical responses".
Once again, it's all about choices. Let's choose to be more aware of how we interact when in a heated discussion, argument, disagreement. Choosing our words wisely can make our worlds more positive and make our journey to personal success a more enjoyable ride.
Keep looking up. AJ
I love today's posting for Calendar Books by Allen James reading for June 18th from, "The Journey: A Calendar Book". Too many times we don't realize the effect such a small act can have on those with whom we interact;
"When working with children, squat down to their level to communicate".
So much can be gained from today's reading, not only in dealing with children, but in interacting with adults as well. Sadly we don't learn this lesson until much later in life in most cases, unless you go through an early childhood or elementary education program in college. I was well into my 30s and working with children in my private counseling practice and learned through experience. Children responded better to my when I would squat down and face them eye to eye or get in the floor and become as they, literally on their level.
Just imagine how terrifying it must be to a child when they are approached by adults; larger than life itself individuals walking toward them, looking "down" at them with nostrils flaring, hands reading "down" to them as if tentacles grabbing at them.
Meeting children, as well as adults, a eye contact sends the following messages:
I am listening to you
I care about what you are saying
You matter to me
I hear what you are telling me
You have my attention
I respect you
Nothing else is more important than this moment, right now
When we rear children who are allowed to be seen and heard they grow into adults who value others. It's this simple.
Every person wants to know their opinions, needs and feelings are going to be validated.
Children and adults alike want and need validation. This simple, effective method is free but the results are priceless.
Keep looking up. AJ
"Take a self-defense class".
Self-defense is the use of force to defend oneself when under attack. This might be a physical attack or mental attack. Whichever, we should be well able to defend ourselves and have confidence in our ability to do so.
Given the ultra-modern world in which we live, we never are sure of what might be around the next corner. Being prepared, but not paranoid, is a good rule of thumb. Having some training in self-defense is just good sense.
Over the past few decades martial arts and other physical form of self defense have become ideal self-defense tactics; effective because only the body and mind are requirements for use. They not only protect lives, but also promote beneficial effects for both mind and body.
In addition to martial arts there are also hand-held electrocuting devices, flammable paraphernalia, or even body spray will do the trick.
Other than the actual self-defense, it is also important to use your head; common sense. Don’t take routes which seclude you; such as passing through dark alleys. These kinds of decisions only increase the risk of attack.
There are countless other ways we can protect ourselves. Regardless, knowing how to defend yourself in the event you are faced with a need to do so is more and more necessary in the 21st century; and the most effective form is learning martial arts. You can achieve this through enrolling in martial clinic or class near you or you can surf the net and find video or reading materials which will help you learn effective self defense.
We don't have to be a boy scout to utilize the boy scout motto; be prepared.
Keep looking up. AJ
Calendar Books by Allen James reading for June 23rd. ...from "The Journey: A Calendar Book"....
"Go by where Grandma used to live ever so. often and recall".
For a majority of us who are "middle aged", who we are can be attributed to the "old country", as a co-worker says, values instilled in us through the examples reflected in our grandparents while visiting "the old homeplace".
Although each of our experiences with our grandparents are varied, just as the names we called them (Mamaw, Papaw; Memaw, Granddaddy; Memmie, Poppaw), the lessons learned and the values which make up who we are can not be what they are without the mixture of those modeled by
our family elders.
The afternoons of swinging on Mamaw's front porch, walks to the outhouse in the dark of night, hours of Hide-n-seek on Saturday visits, or just the quiet evenings sitting in her lap by the old coal stove embraced by her time worn arms; we were more aware in those moments than we knew.
Grandparents are different now; younger it seems, active and healthy, thank goodness. However, children still learn much from their family elders; this never changes.
Going by where Mamaw used to live ever so often, even though the house is no longer standing, I am reminded of the love and care which I received on that spot; and the smells, sounds, tastes, and yes, even the sights of my childhood come rushing back to urge me to always remember.....
Take the trip....go by where your grandparents used to live and recall.....you'll be glad you did.
And as always...keep looking up. AJ
Calendar Books by Allen James reading for June 22nd,
"Success is not the result of spontanious combustion, you must set yourself on fire" (Reggie Leach)
Calendar Books by Allen James reading for June 20th comes from "A Graduate's Daily Guide to Success"...
"When in a disagreement, speak in the first person. This let's them know you have feelings too" (It also keeps you from placing blame on "them").
First person: I
Second person: You
Third person: They
Akin to the well-known statement, "When you point the finger at someone else there are three fingers pointing back at you", taking this principle throughout your communication in general can make the difference between "hurting feelings" and "owning feelings".
Through the years I've conducted many parenting classes utilizing the "Systematic Training for Effective Parenting" (STEP) program. This cost effective, research proven program gets results when rearing children, but many of its principles are just as legitimate when interacting with adults.
Through the use of "I" statements in lieu of "YOU" statements not only assists others in realizing you have feelings as well as they, it as well assist others in realizing you validate THEIR feelings as well, and take responsibility for YOUR emotions and role in a disagreement.
Consider the following dialog:
Scott: "You make me feel like a monster when you are always saying I'm cold-hearted."
Patricia: "Well you are cold-hearted. You never consider my feelings. You are always thinking of yourself. It's always about you".
Scott: "You're the one who always has to have your way".
Patricia: "How can you say that? You're so mean."
Clearly a heated exchange such as this is going to get nowhere fast in assuaging the concern Scott and Patricia have. Such use of "YOU" statements is an attempt to place blame on others and blocks any progress the two may make in resolving the REAL issues the two SHARE.
Now consider the use of "I" statements in the same scenario:
Scott: "I feel like such a monster when I hear you say I'm cold-hearted."
Patricia: "Scott...a monster? Really? That's not my intention. Not a monster."
Scott: Patricia, when I hear statements such as, 'Why can't I have a say so', I feel as if I'm not being listened to. I want us both to have a say so in all our decisions".
Patricia: "That's so good to hear. I just don't always feel included in our decisions."
Scott: "I going to work on making sure it's not always about me. Patricia, I love our relationship and want it to beat the odds."
Patricia: "I love you to Scott. Let's always work as a team."
There's no doubt this second dialog will get Scott and Patricia farther in understanding each other more clearly. Neither are placing blame, instead both are acknowledging their own feelings which clarifies to the other how the situation appears to them.
One of my pet peeves, which we hear daily, is our habitual phrase, "You made me feel..." or "He/she makes me feel...". When I hear this, (and while "I" truly attempt NOT to say it...it's not always easy) my response is always, "No one can MAKE you feel anything. We choose our emotional responses just as we choose our physical responses".
Once again, it's all about choices. Let's choose to be more aware of how we interact when in a heated discussion, argument, disagreement. Choosing our words wisely can make our worlds more positive and make our journey to personal success a more enjoyable ride.
Keep looking up. AJ
I love today's posting for Calendar Books by Allen James reading for June 18th from, "The Journey: A Calendar Book". Too many times we don't realize the effect such a small act can have on those with whom we interact;
"When working with children, squat down to their level to communicate".
So much can be gained from today's reading, not only in dealing with children, but in interacting with adults as well. Sadly we don't learn this lesson until much later in life in most cases, unless you go through an early childhood or elementary education program in college. I was well into my 30s and working with children in my private counseling practice and learned through experience. Children responded better to my when I would squat down and face them eye to eye or get in the floor and become as they, literally on their level.
Just imagine how terrifying it must be to a child when they are approached by adults; larger than life itself individuals walking toward them, looking "down" at them with nostrils flaring, hands reading "down" to them as if tentacles grabbing at them.
Meeting children, as well as adults, a eye contact sends the following messages:
I am listening to you
I care about what you are saying
You matter to me
I hear what you are telling me
You have my attention
I respect you
Nothing else is more important than this moment, right now
When we rear children who are allowed to be seen and heard they grow into adults who value others. It's this simple.
Every person wants to know their opinions, needs and feelings are going to be validated.
Children and adults alike want and need validation. This simple, effective method is free but the results are priceless.
Keep looking up. AJ
June 17, 2013
Daily Reading
Readers....again I've got behind on postings due to Goodreads being blocked at work....this is "supposed" to be getting remedied soon. Thus here are postings from June 7th - 17th.... AJ
Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for June 7th from "The Journey: A Calendar Book"....
"Know who you really are, then try your best to fake everyone out".
Let's face it, no matter how much we know ourselves or no matter how positive our self-image is, there are still aspects about ourselves we would like to improve or we don't like.
When we tout we don't care what others think about us we're lying to ourselves. These aren't negative attributes at all. Continuing to better ourselves is important in working toward personal success. It keeps us on our toes.
Maslov's "Hierarchy of Needs" tops out at self-actualization", or in other words, enlightenment or perfection. I don't believe we can get there in this existence.
Certainly we strive to attain it, but reaching self-actualization would mean we have nothing more to attain. We would become complacent, thus stagnant.
When we accept this and really know ourselves, we can then model who we wish to attain to be. "Faking everyone out" is surely putting it blunt....but this the reality. Accepting who we are requires being truly honest with ourselves.
As Shakespeare said in so many words, the world is a stage, we are but actors in it.
Be true to yourself....and always....keep looking up. AJ
Our reading for June 8th from Allen James' "The Journey: A Calendar Book"....
"Be aware of those with whom you work".
We spend the majority of our lives at work....2nd to the time we spend sleeping (such a travesty), thus being very aware of our co-workers helps immensely in our journey to personal success.
As I've stated before, there aren't too many people with whom I can't get along, but there have been three times in my life where a single co-worker has created a work environment where it has been a challenge to say the least.
Trust has always come easy for me, possibly to a fault. I've learned the difficult way to make sure I tread lightly around co-workers.
Low self-image and feelings of inadequacy can encourage those co-workers who seem to think competition is a standard in the workplace to spread their unhappiness like a virus.
I've found the best way to handle this situation is to just do my job. Being affable and getting through the day sometimes is my only life saver.
Certainly I'm not saying I'm miserable at work, the opposite is usually true. I love what I do and the fruits of my labor. I just am aware much more these days of the fact bullying does't cease after adolescence.
Be aware of those of with whom you work. Know the "good guys" from the "bad guys", then steer clear of the bad guys and always strive to be one of the good guys. Personal success comes no other way.
Keep looking up AJ
Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for June 9th...from our featured calendar book for 2013, "The Journey", "Sleep under the quilt your mother made by hand for you".
Allen James' calendar books are intended to encourage positivity and to support the reader's journey to personal success, thus are to be interpreted in a personal manner by each reader.
I emphasize this because today's reading could easily get a response such as, "My mother never made a quilt for me". A personal interpretation would look at it from the point of view we should cherish those things significant others did for us out of love, whatever they be.
I recall when I was a child sleeping under a quilt my grandmother hand made for her grandchildren. I don't know when she gave them, whether as birthday presents, Christmas gifts, or just because she knew we needed warmth in the cold of Kentucky winters; but I certainly remember the warmth they provided.
People just don't quilt by hand much these days. Which is what makes today's reading even more special to me.
At 61 my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. She was given 6 months to live. For the year prior to her diagnosis she spent every evening sitting in "Momma's chair" piecing together material swatches and then quilting those swatches into quilts. No one knew she was ill, not even she. Yet it was as if instinctively Mom was aware her days were numbered.
That Christmas she gave as gifts quilts she had sewed by her own hands to each of her 6 children, as well as one for my girlfriend at the time.
What a gift. A mother's love. A symbol of the warmth she had always provided and the comfort she wished to provide even long after she was no longer with us.
When I sleep under Mom's quilt I can but imagine with each stitch her nimble fingers working diligently to complete each quilt for her beloved children.
She passed away the next March. This symbol of her compassion will bring me warmth and comfort for years to come. Almost 20 years later I still sleep under the quilt my mother made by hand for me. Life truly does continue after death.
What's your special something which memorializes your loved one?
Keep looking up. AJ
Our posting today is a quote by rock and roll icon, Janis Joplin, who certainly knew the real significance of these words, "Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got".
Janis Joplin was a tragic hero to be sure. Quickly running from an adolescence filled with bullying and mockery, ironically, upon returning to her 10 year high school class reunion determined to prove herself, she found no matter how famous one becomes, there are some boundaries which cannot be crossed without pain and anguish.
Dead at only 27 due to a heroin overdose in 1970, Joplin had fought compromise on every front, truly having only herself in the end. "Janis Joplin has passed into the realm of legend: an outwardly brash yet inwardly vulnerable and troubled personality who possessed one of the most passionate voices in rock history. It could be argued that her legacy has as much to do with her persona as her singing. Music journalist Ellen Wills asserted that 'Joplin belonged to that select group of pop figures who mattered as much for themselves as for their music. Among American rock performers, she was second only to Bob Dylan in importance as a creator-recorder-embodiment of her generation’s mythology'"(rockhall.com).
Compromising "self" is giving up on all OUR needs and desires and to be sure, when we compromise "self" we find unhappiness. As unique individuals, how unfortunate to spend this uniqueness miserable. We are too precious to waste our life on anything other than enjoying what we have to offer the world; our positivity and the personal successes which can inspire others.
Don't compromise who you are. Believe in who you CAN be by BEING who your are.
Keep looking up. AJ
Our reading for June 11th from Allen James' Calendar Books is, "Tell the truth the best you can".
How sad it is we are brought up in a manner where when we tell a lie we grow to believe we are a bad person, a loser, we are not to be trusted, and yes, some even believe they are going to Hell for the little white lie they told as a child.
No one's perfect. We hear this almost on a daily basis as an adult, or we tell ourselves this almost on a daily basis, and for sure it's true. We work each day toward perfection as we age, but as we mentioned in our earlier post a few days ago, we'll never reach it.
And how confusing it is for children we are taught about the ills of lying and then grow to an age of realizing we've been lied to. Today clinical psychologist, Dr. Laura Markham answers a question from about lying to children about about the Tooth Fairy.
In my own training it was drilled into my head in most all of my courses relating to parenting skills the importance of children knowing they can trust their parents to tell them the truth, even about, yes, myths. In other words, when your kids ask if Santa, the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny are real, you should tell them the truth.
Dr. Markham reiterates the difficulty in this for parents. "We may feel we are crushing a belief that our child needs. When my daughter was five years old, she asked me if the tooth fairy was real. When I told her no, she became very angry at me, not because I had lead her to believe that a make-believe character was real, but because she wanted so much for the tooth fairy to be real. I desperately wanted to hedge, so I know how you felt with your son. Somehow I resisted the temptation, and let her cry and rage, not just at the unfair world, but at me. Over and over, I reflected back to her how disappointed she was, and how much she wished the tooth fairy could be real, and how angry she felt at that moment at the world and at me.
My daughter is now twelve, and remembers this incident clearly. She told me recently that she thought that I did the right thing, and that she would have been even angrier at me if I had lied in response to her direct question. Even though she was disappointed that the tooth fairy wasn’t real, she thinks it was better for me to tell her the truth when she wanted to know. But I still recall my own anxiety and internal debate about whether I was doing the right thing" (www.ahaparenting.com).
My approach over the years when parents have brought their child in for my assistance in breaching the topic has been to treat these characters precisely the way I do Mickey Mouse, Winnie the Pooh, and Dora the Explorer: they’re real characters but not real people. When a child tells me Santa has a beard and wears a red suit, I don't have a problem with it, just as true as the facts Winnie the Pooh likes honey and Dora has a friend named Boots. If, on the other hand, the child asks me whether Santa Claus brought him/her a particular present, I say, no, her grandmother bought it. This strikes me as the perfect balance between letting to children and helping them enjoy their childhood and building their trust.
I sometimes make the point no wonder our society has so many who don't believe in Jesus Christ; they find out too late they've been lied to about the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and the Tooth Fairy....if they're not real, then why should they believe they aren't been lied to about Jesus Christ as well?
Tell the truth the best you can.....and always...keep looking up. AJ
Calendar Books by Allen James' posting for June 12th refers not to one of Allen James' calendar books, but to his first novella...."Reflections".
Beautiful Chelsey Williams is determined to get to her grandparent's from Michigan for the holidays despite finding herself facing a harsh Vermont blizzard. The ailing Volkswagen Beatle she has depended on to travel for so long is no match for the heavy snow and building ice. Losing control of her old friend, the bug, she swerves and is knocked unconscious when she barrels into a snow drift.
Enter Joel Cantrell, an aspiring artist and the man who appears to be everything she's ever wanted; handsome, compassionate, wealthy...yet harboring a horrific secret.
Will she make it home where Granny Mae and Papaw Lincoln are patiently waiting for her arrival so they can give her the news which she shoild have been told years ago, that she...?
You'll have to read the book to find out...
"Reflections" was first published in 1992 through what is called a Vanity Press....or more simply put, through a publisher which the author pays him/herself to publish their book. I was able to do this at the time through the help of "investors" who put up an equal amount of cash as I with the understanding (via contract) they may or may not receive a return on their investment. I had always read to get a publisher one had to already have already been published. This was my "in".
It was a great experience for me; the initial investor party where I presented each with a signed copy of the book to a toast of "champagne" (Sparkling White Grape Juice), then book signings, articles, speaking engagements. It was a whirlwind of activity. My investors received a 16% return of their investment and I my dream to become a published author was realized. I then realized
what I had read about getting picked up by a publishing house had been farce; to get picked up by a publishing house one had to have money and celebrity, neither of which I possessed. In order to publish my second novel, "Midnight Journey", a follow-up to "Reflections", I would have to take the same route as my first novel. The air was let out of my balloon of joy.
Then the years stacked up upon themselves. I continued to write; short stories, novella after novella, poetry, songs, children's books. However the business of day to day life prevented me from focusing on what I enjoyed the most, expressing myself through the written word.
I now find it 20 years later, I pick up where I left off; however the world of publishing has changed drastically with the advancements in technology. "Reflections" is to be released as a 2nd edition in the spring of 2014 with a new cover and edited here and there. Following soon after my children's book, "Crystal the Condor Makes Friends" and is already being considered by the National Parks System for placement in select National Parks' gift stores. "Blue Hydrangea" is scheduled for release in the fall of 2014 with "The End" slated for release in the spring of 2015.
Sounds like a long time off, but we all know as adults how time does literally fly past us. I look forward to the journey and having you along with me.
Keep looking up. : ) AJ
Welcome to the new week....was certainly a beautiful weekend in Southeast Missouri with temperatures remaining in the "tolerable" range (which for me means the mid 80s). I didn't post much over the weekend to give a respite to those who are so dedicated to "LIKE"ing and "SHARE"ing my posts. However a new week is upon us and we do have a message of thinking and living in a more positive manner and sharing our personal successes. So here goes.... : )
Calendar Books by Allen James reading for June 17th from "The Journey: A Calendar Book"..."Don't ignore that child you were, He/she's still there and needs love".
All of us recognize this down deep in our beings. We often yearn to be the child we once were but realize the adult world puts too much responsibility upon us for us to allow our child self any time.
In my private practice I utilize a technique known as Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP); neuro meaning mind and linguistic meaning language. Within this technique those with whom I work and implement NLP are able to reprogram their brains to make more appropriate choices in their lives. I've seen it benefit a multitude of individuals in making better grades, ceasing smoking, losing weight and overcoming phobias.
One aspect of the NLP allows patients to see their child self clearly and spending some quality time reacquainting themselves with this child self. It's comforting to watch the reunification of this "child" who defines so much of who we are as adults and embracing him/her again.
It's a highly held belief men never grow up; we remain forever entrenched in our adolescence. Why might this be? It's as well a well known fact boys mature 2-3 years behind girls. Could it be possible females like this attribute of males, until they lose communion with their child self, then they loose the connection as to why it was they loved in the first place?
Questions which will continue to go unanswered. Don't forget the child within.....he/she is still there and desperately needs your love.
Keep looking up. AJ
Welcome to the new week....was certainly a beautiful weekend in Southeast Missouri with temperatures remaining in the "tolerable" range (which for me means the mid 80s). I didn't post much over the weekend to give a respite to those who are so dedicated to "LIKE"ing and "SHARE"ing my posts. However a new week is upon us and we do have a message of thinking and living in a more positive manner and sharing our personal successes. So here goes.... : )
Calendar Books by Allen James reading for June 17th from "The Journey: A Calendar Book"..."Don't ignore that child you were, He/she's still there and needs love".
All of us recognize this down deep in our beings. We often yearn to be the child we once were but realize the adult world puts too much responsibility upon us for us to allow our child self any time.
In my private practice I utilize a technique known as Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP); neuro meaning mind and linguistic meaning language. Within this technique those with whom I work and implement NLP are able to reprogram their brains to make more appropriate choices in their lives. I've seen it benefit a multitude of individuals in making better grades, ceasing smoking, losing weight and overcoming phobias.
One aspect of the NLP allows patients to see their child self clearly and spending some quality time reacquainting themselves with this child self. It's comforting to watch the reunification of this "child" who defines so much of who we are as adults and embracing him/her again.
It's a highly held belief men never grow up; we remain forever entrenched in our adolescence. Why might this be? It's as well a well known fact boys mature 2-3 years behind girls. Could it be possible females like this attribute of males, until they lose communion with their child self, then they loose the connection as to why it was they loved in the first place?
Questions which will continue to go unanswered. Don't forget the child within.....he/she is still there and desperately needs your love.
Keep looking up. AJ
Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for June 7th from "The Journey: A Calendar Book"....
"Know who you really are, then try your best to fake everyone out".
Let's face it, no matter how much we know ourselves or no matter how positive our self-image is, there are still aspects about ourselves we would like to improve or we don't like.
When we tout we don't care what others think about us we're lying to ourselves. These aren't negative attributes at all. Continuing to better ourselves is important in working toward personal success. It keeps us on our toes.
Maslov's "Hierarchy of Needs" tops out at self-actualization", or in other words, enlightenment or perfection. I don't believe we can get there in this existence.
Certainly we strive to attain it, but reaching self-actualization would mean we have nothing more to attain. We would become complacent, thus stagnant.
When we accept this and really know ourselves, we can then model who we wish to attain to be. "Faking everyone out" is surely putting it blunt....but this the reality. Accepting who we are requires being truly honest with ourselves.
As Shakespeare said in so many words, the world is a stage, we are but actors in it.
Be true to yourself....and always....keep looking up. AJ
Our reading for June 8th from Allen James' "The Journey: A Calendar Book"....
"Be aware of those with whom you work".
We spend the majority of our lives at work....2nd to the time we spend sleeping (such a travesty), thus being very aware of our co-workers helps immensely in our journey to personal success.
As I've stated before, there aren't too many people with whom I can't get along, but there have been three times in my life where a single co-worker has created a work environment where it has been a challenge to say the least.
Trust has always come easy for me, possibly to a fault. I've learned the difficult way to make sure I tread lightly around co-workers.
Low self-image and feelings of inadequacy can encourage those co-workers who seem to think competition is a standard in the workplace to spread their unhappiness like a virus.
I've found the best way to handle this situation is to just do my job. Being affable and getting through the day sometimes is my only life saver.
Certainly I'm not saying I'm miserable at work, the opposite is usually true. I love what I do and the fruits of my labor. I just am aware much more these days of the fact bullying does't cease after adolescence.
Be aware of those of with whom you work. Know the "good guys" from the "bad guys", then steer clear of the bad guys and always strive to be one of the good guys. Personal success comes no other way.
Keep looking up AJ
Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for June 9th...from our featured calendar book for 2013, "The Journey", "Sleep under the quilt your mother made by hand for you".
Allen James' calendar books are intended to encourage positivity and to support the reader's journey to personal success, thus are to be interpreted in a personal manner by each reader.
I emphasize this because today's reading could easily get a response such as, "My mother never made a quilt for me". A personal interpretation would look at it from the point of view we should cherish those things significant others did for us out of love, whatever they be.
I recall when I was a child sleeping under a quilt my grandmother hand made for her grandchildren. I don't know when she gave them, whether as birthday presents, Christmas gifts, or just because she knew we needed warmth in the cold of Kentucky winters; but I certainly remember the warmth they provided.
People just don't quilt by hand much these days. Which is what makes today's reading even more special to me.
At 61 my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. She was given 6 months to live. For the year prior to her diagnosis she spent every evening sitting in "Momma's chair" piecing together material swatches and then quilting those swatches into quilts. No one knew she was ill, not even she. Yet it was as if instinctively Mom was aware her days were numbered.
That Christmas she gave as gifts quilts she had sewed by her own hands to each of her 6 children, as well as one for my girlfriend at the time.
What a gift. A mother's love. A symbol of the warmth she had always provided and the comfort she wished to provide even long after she was no longer with us.
When I sleep under Mom's quilt I can but imagine with each stitch her nimble fingers working diligently to complete each quilt for her beloved children.
She passed away the next March. This symbol of her compassion will bring me warmth and comfort for years to come. Almost 20 years later I still sleep under the quilt my mother made by hand for me. Life truly does continue after death.
What's your special something which memorializes your loved one?
Keep looking up. AJ
Our posting today is a quote by rock and roll icon, Janis Joplin, who certainly knew the real significance of these words, "Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got".
Janis Joplin was a tragic hero to be sure. Quickly running from an adolescence filled with bullying and mockery, ironically, upon returning to her 10 year high school class reunion determined to prove herself, she found no matter how famous one becomes, there are some boundaries which cannot be crossed without pain and anguish.
Dead at only 27 due to a heroin overdose in 1970, Joplin had fought compromise on every front, truly having only herself in the end. "Janis Joplin has passed into the realm of legend: an outwardly brash yet inwardly vulnerable and troubled personality who possessed one of the most passionate voices in rock history. It could be argued that her legacy has as much to do with her persona as her singing. Music journalist Ellen Wills asserted that 'Joplin belonged to that select group of pop figures who mattered as much for themselves as for their music. Among American rock performers, she was second only to Bob Dylan in importance as a creator-recorder-embodiment of her generation’s mythology'"(rockhall.com).
Compromising "self" is giving up on all OUR needs and desires and to be sure, when we compromise "self" we find unhappiness. As unique individuals, how unfortunate to spend this uniqueness miserable. We are too precious to waste our life on anything other than enjoying what we have to offer the world; our positivity and the personal successes which can inspire others.
Don't compromise who you are. Believe in who you CAN be by BEING who your are.
Keep looking up. AJ
Our reading for June 11th from Allen James' Calendar Books is, "Tell the truth the best you can".
How sad it is we are brought up in a manner where when we tell a lie we grow to believe we are a bad person, a loser, we are not to be trusted, and yes, some even believe they are going to Hell for the little white lie they told as a child.
No one's perfect. We hear this almost on a daily basis as an adult, or we tell ourselves this almost on a daily basis, and for sure it's true. We work each day toward perfection as we age, but as we mentioned in our earlier post a few days ago, we'll never reach it.
And how confusing it is for children we are taught about the ills of lying and then grow to an age of realizing we've been lied to. Today clinical psychologist, Dr. Laura Markham answers a question from about lying to children about about the Tooth Fairy.
In my own training it was drilled into my head in most all of my courses relating to parenting skills the importance of children knowing they can trust their parents to tell them the truth, even about, yes, myths. In other words, when your kids ask if Santa, the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny are real, you should tell them the truth.
Dr. Markham reiterates the difficulty in this for parents. "We may feel we are crushing a belief that our child needs. When my daughter was five years old, she asked me if the tooth fairy was real. When I told her no, she became very angry at me, not because I had lead her to believe that a make-believe character was real, but because she wanted so much for the tooth fairy to be real. I desperately wanted to hedge, so I know how you felt with your son. Somehow I resisted the temptation, and let her cry and rage, not just at the unfair world, but at me. Over and over, I reflected back to her how disappointed she was, and how much she wished the tooth fairy could be real, and how angry she felt at that moment at the world and at me.
My daughter is now twelve, and remembers this incident clearly. She told me recently that she thought that I did the right thing, and that she would have been even angrier at me if I had lied in response to her direct question. Even though she was disappointed that the tooth fairy wasn’t real, she thinks it was better for me to tell her the truth when she wanted to know. But I still recall my own anxiety and internal debate about whether I was doing the right thing" (www.ahaparenting.com).
My approach over the years when parents have brought their child in for my assistance in breaching the topic has been to treat these characters precisely the way I do Mickey Mouse, Winnie the Pooh, and Dora the Explorer: they’re real characters but not real people. When a child tells me Santa has a beard and wears a red suit, I don't have a problem with it, just as true as the facts Winnie the Pooh likes honey and Dora has a friend named Boots. If, on the other hand, the child asks me whether Santa Claus brought him/her a particular present, I say, no, her grandmother bought it. This strikes me as the perfect balance between letting to children and helping them enjoy their childhood and building their trust.
I sometimes make the point no wonder our society has so many who don't believe in Jesus Christ; they find out too late they've been lied to about the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and the Tooth Fairy....if they're not real, then why should they believe they aren't been lied to about Jesus Christ as well?
Tell the truth the best you can.....and always...keep looking up. AJ
Calendar Books by Allen James' posting for June 12th refers not to one of Allen James' calendar books, but to his first novella...."Reflections".
Beautiful Chelsey Williams is determined to get to her grandparent's from Michigan for the holidays despite finding herself facing a harsh Vermont blizzard. The ailing Volkswagen Beatle she has depended on to travel for so long is no match for the heavy snow and building ice. Losing control of her old friend, the bug, she swerves and is knocked unconscious when she barrels into a snow drift.
Enter Joel Cantrell, an aspiring artist and the man who appears to be everything she's ever wanted; handsome, compassionate, wealthy...yet harboring a horrific secret.
Will she make it home where Granny Mae and Papaw Lincoln are patiently waiting for her arrival so they can give her the news which she shoild have been told years ago, that she...?
You'll have to read the book to find out...
"Reflections" was first published in 1992 through what is called a Vanity Press....or more simply put, through a publisher which the author pays him/herself to publish their book. I was able to do this at the time through the help of "investors" who put up an equal amount of cash as I with the understanding (via contract) they may or may not receive a return on their investment. I had always read to get a publisher one had to already have already been published. This was my "in".
It was a great experience for me; the initial investor party where I presented each with a signed copy of the book to a toast of "champagne" (Sparkling White Grape Juice), then book signings, articles, speaking engagements. It was a whirlwind of activity. My investors received a 16% return of their investment and I my dream to become a published author was realized. I then realized
what I had read about getting picked up by a publishing house had been farce; to get picked up by a publishing house one had to have money and celebrity, neither of which I possessed. In order to publish my second novel, "Midnight Journey", a follow-up to "Reflections", I would have to take the same route as my first novel. The air was let out of my balloon of joy.
Then the years stacked up upon themselves. I continued to write; short stories, novella after novella, poetry, songs, children's books. However the business of day to day life prevented me from focusing on what I enjoyed the most, expressing myself through the written word.
I now find it 20 years later, I pick up where I left off; however the world of publishing has changed drastically with the advancements in technology. "Reflections" is to be released as a 2nd edition in the spring of 2014 with a new cover and edited here and there. Following soon after my children's book, "Crystal the Condor Makes Friends" and is already being considered by the National Parks System for placement in select National Parks' gift stores. "Blue Hydrangea" is scheduled for release in the fall of 2014 with "The End" slated for release in the spring of 2015.
Sounds like a long time off, but we all know as adults how time does literally fly past us. I look forward to the journey and having you along with me.
Keep looking up. : ) AJ
Welcome to the new week....was certainly a beautiful weekend in Southeast Missouri with temperatures remaining in the "tolerable" range (which for me means the mid 80s). I didn't post much over the weekend to give a respite to those who are so dedicated to "LIKE"ing and "SHARE"ing my posts. However a new week is upon us and we do have a message of thinking and living in a more positive manner and sharing our personal successes. So here goes.... : )
Calendar Books by Allen James reading for June 17th from "The Journey: A Calendar Book"..."Don't ignore that child you were, He/she's still there and needs love".
All of us recognize this down deep in our beings. We often yearn to be the child we once were but realize the adult world puts too much responsibility upon us for us to allow our child self any time.
In my private practice I utilize a technique known as Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP); neuro meaning mind and linguistic meaning language. Within this technique those with whom I work and implement NLP are able to reprogram their brains to make more appropriate choices in their lives. I've seen it benefit a multitude of individuals in making better grades, ceasing smoking, losing weight and overcoming phobias.
One aspect of the NLP allows patients to see their child self clearly and spending some quality time reacquainting themselves with this child self. It's comforting to watch the reunification of this "child" who defines so much of who we are as adults and embracing him/her again.
It's a highly held belief men never grow up; we remain forever entrenched in our adolescence. Why might this be? It's as well a well known fact boys mature 2-3 years behind girls. Could it be possible females like this attribute of males, until they lose communion with their child self, then they loose the connection as to why it was they loved in the first place?
Questions which will continue to go unanswered. Don't forget the child within.....he/she is still there and desperately needs your love.
Keep looking up. AJ
Welcome to the new week....was certainly a beautiful weekend in Southeast Missouri with temperatures remaining in the "tolerable" range (which for me means the mid 80s). I didn't post much over the weekend to give a respite to those who are so dedicated to "LIKE"ing and "SHARE"ing my posts. However a new week is upon us and we do have a message of thinking and living in a more positive manner and sharing our personal successes. So here goes.... : )
Calendar Books by Allen James reading for June 17th from "The Journey: A Calendar Book"..."Don't ignore that child you were, He/she's still there and needs love".
All of us recognize this down deep in our beings. We often yearn to be the child we once were but realize the adult world puts too much responsibility upon us for us to allow our child self any time.
In my private practice I utilize a technique known as Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP); neuro meaning mind and linguistic meaning language. Within this technique those with whom I work and implement NLP are able to reprogram their brains to make more appropriate choices in their lives. I've seen it benefit a multitude of individuals in making better grades, ceasing smoking, losing weight and overcoming phobias.
One aspect of the NLP allows patients to see their child self clearly and spending some quality time reacquainting themselves with this child self. It's comforting to watch the reunification of this "child" who defines so much of who we are as adults and embracing him/her again.
It's a highly held belief men never grow up; we remain forever entrenched in our adolescence. Why might this be? It's as well a well known fact boys mature 2-3 years behind girls. Could it be possible females like this attribute of males, until they lose communion with their child self, then they loose the connection as to why it was they loved in the first place?
Questions which will continue to go unanswered. Don't forget the child within.....he/she is still there and desperately needs your love.
Keep looking up. AJ
June 10, 2013
Daily Readings - June 6th - 10th
Again I say...thanks for your patience with my postings. I'm having to jump from computer to computer; where I live out in the country doesn't provide service so I have to use my phone to post, which prevents me from sharing postings to Goodreads.
Calendar Books by Allen James daily reading for June 6th from "The Journey: A Calendar Book"..."When you think of an invention that sounds like a best seller, think again before acting on it".
I personally find today's reading to be pretty hilarious (Although I don't hear the sound of throngs of laughter from my audience). I was talking with an old friend last night and our discussion went to events which took place over 20 years ago. As we talked about how the experiences of years past mold us into who we become, I couldn't help but think how unfortunate it is many of the "experiential lessons" we learn through the "school of hard knocks" seem to never be given a 2nd opportunity to be applied.
However, there are times when our decision making skills can be kept in check simply by "thinking again". Through the years I've had numerous "great ideas" for inventions, none of which I'll name here for fear someone will take it and run with it... A friend of mine, we'll call Jim, and I use to sit out on my back deck and come up with invention after invention which we KNEW would be a best seller, only to never follow through with their development.
But there was a time when I decided to do just this, to follow through. I developed the idea all the way through to the creation of a prototype of the item. I then contacted the location of the "Got an Invention?" office in St. Louis and set up an appointment to see them. On the day of the appointment I drove all the way up to West Port, got out of the car, walked up to the entrance of the building, and then turned around and went home. I had chickened out. I had enough time on the drive up to "rethink" my idea and talk myself into believing it was all about getting money out of me (they were going to charge me $350.00 to even consider my idea).
Was it best to turn around and leave? More than likely; two years later I saw my exact item on a blockbuster movie at the theater. I'm sure it took more than two years for it to go from thought to product creation; someone else had already thought of the idea and developed it before I.
The point? Always think things through. Check out your options. Research your avenues. Don't expend time and energy when it can be spent in activity more productive.
Keep looking up. AJ
Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for June 7th from "The Journey: A Calendar Book"....
"Know who you really are, then try your best to fake everyone out".
Let's face it, no matter how much we know ourselves or no matter how positive our self-image is, there are still aspects about ourselves we would like to improve or we don't like.
When we tout we don't care what others think about us we're lying to ourselves. These aren't negative attributes at all. Continuing to better ourselves is important in working toward personal success. It keeps us on our toes.
Maslov's "Hierarchy of Needs" tops out at self-actualization", or in other words, enlightenment or perfection. I don't believe we can get there in this existence.
Certainly we strive to attain it, but reaching self-actualization would mean we have nothing more to attain. We would become complacent, thus stagnant.
When we accept this and really know ourselves, we can then model who we wish to attain to be. "Faking everyone out" is surely putting it blunt....but this the reality. Accepting who we are requires being truly honest with ourselves.
As Shakespeare said in so many words, the world is a stage, we are but actors in it.
Be true to yourself....and always....keep looking up. AJ
Our reading for June 8th from Allen James' "The Journey: A Calendar Book"....
"Be aware of those with whom you work".
We spend the majority of our lives at work....2nd to the time we spend sleeping (such a travesty), thus being very aware of our co-workers helps immensely in our journey to personal success.
As I've stated before, there aren't too many people with whom I can't get along, but there have been three times in my life where a single co-worker has created a work environment where it has been a challenge to say the least.
Trust has always come easy for me, possibly to a fault. I've learned the difficult way to make sure I tread lightly around co-workers.
Low self-image and feelings of inadequacy can encourage those co-workers who seem to think competition is a standard in the workplace to spread their unhappiness like a virus.
I've found the best way to handle this situation is to just do my job. Being affable and getting through the day sometimes is my only life saver.
Certainly I'm not saying I'm miserable at work, the opposite is usually true. I love what I do and the fruits of my labor. I just am aware much more these days of the fact bullying does't cease after adolescence.
Be aware of those of with whom you work. Know the "good guys" from the "bad guys", then steer clear of the bad guys and always strive to be one of the good guys. Personal success comes no other way.
Keep looking up AJ
Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for June 9th...from our featured calendar book for 2013, "The Journey", "Sleep under the quilt your mother made by hand for you".
Allen James' calendar books are intended to encourage positivity and to support the reader's journey to personal success, thus are to be interpreted in a personal manner by each reader.
I emphasize this because today's reading could easily get a response such as, "My mother never made a quilt for me". A personal interpretation would look at it from the point of view we should cherish those things significant others did for us out of love, whatever they be.
I recall when I was a child sleeping under a quilt my grandmother hand made for her grandchildren. I don't know when she gave them, whether as birthday presents, Christmas gifts, or just because she knew we needed warmth in the cold of Kentucky winters; but I certainly remember the warmth they provided.
People just don't quilt by hand much these days. Which is what makes today's reading even more special to me.
At 61 my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. She was given 6 months to live. For the year prior to her diagnosis she spent every evening sitting in "Momma's chair" piecing together material swatches and then quilting those swatches into quilts. No one knew she was ill, not even she. Yet it was as if instinctively Mom was aware her days were numbered.
That Christmas she gave as gifts quilts she had sewed by her own hands to each of her 6 children, as well as one for my girlfriend at the time.
What a gift. A mother's love. A symbol of the warmth she had always provided and the comfort she wished to provide even long after she was no longer with us.
When I sleep under Mom's quilt I can but imagine with each stitch her nimble fingers working diligently to complete each quilt for her beloved children.
She passed away the next March. This symbol of her compassion will bring me warmth and comfort for years to come. Almost 20 years later I still sleep under the quilt my mother made by hand for me. Life truly does continue after death.
What's your special something which memorializes your loved one?
Keep looking up. AJ
Our posting today is a quote by rock and roll icon, Janis Joplin, who certainly knew the real significance of these words, "Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got".
Janis Joplin was a tragic hero to be sure. Quickly running from an adolescence filled with bullying and mockery, ironically, upon returning to her 10 year high school class reunion determined to prove herself, she found no matter how famous one becomes, there are some boundaries which cannot be crossed without pain and anguish.
Dead at only 27 due to a heroin overdose in 1970, Joplin had fought compromise on every front, truly having only herself in the end. "Janis Joplin has passed into the realm of legend: an outwardly brash yet inwardly vulnerable and troubled personality who possessed one of the most passionate voices in rock history. It could be argued that her legacy has as much to do with her persona as her singing. Music journalist Ellen Wills asserted that 'Joplin belonged to that select group of pop figures who mattered as much for themselves as for their music. Among American rock performers, she was second only to Bob Dylan in importance as a creator-recorder-embodiment of her generation’s mythology'"(rockhall.com).
Compromising "self" is giving up on all OUR needs and desires and to be sure, when we compromise "self" we find unhappiness. As unique individuals, how unfortunate to spend this uniqueness miserable. We are too precious to waste our life on anything other than enjoying what we have to offer the world; our positivity and the personal successes which can inspire others.
Don't compromise who you are. Believe in who you CAN be by BEING who your are.
Keep looking up. : ) AJ
Calendar Books by Allen James daily reading for June 6th from "The Journey: A Calendar Book"..."When you think of an invention that sounds like a best seller, think again before acting on it".
I personally find today's reading to be pretty hilarious (Although I don't hear the sound of throngs of laughter from my audience). I was talking with an old friend last night and our discussion went to events which took place over 20 years ago. As we talked about how the experiences of years past mold us into who we become, I couldn't help but think how unfortunate it is many of the "experiential lessons" we learn through the "school of hard knocks" seem to never be given a 2nd opportunity to be applied.
However, there are times when our decision making skills can be kept in check simply by "thinking again". Through the years I've had numerous "great ideas" for inventions, none of which I'll name here for fear someone will take it and run with it... A friend of mine, we'll call Jim, and I use to sit out on my back deck and come up with invention after invention which we KNEW would be a best seller, only to never follow through with their development.
But there was a time when I decided to do just this, to follow through. I developed the idea all the way through to the creation of a prototype of the item. I then contacted the location of the "Got an Invention?" office in St. Louis and set up an appointment to see them. On the day of the appointment I drove all the way up to West Port, got out of the car, walked up to the entrance of the building, and then turned around and went home. I had chickened out. I had enough time on the drive up to "rethink" my idea and talk myself into believing it was all about getting money out of me (they were going to charge me $350.00 to even consider my idea).
Was it best to turn around and leave? More than likely; two years later I saw my exact item on a blockbuster movie at the theater. I'm sure it took more than two years for it to go from thought to product creation; someone else had already thought of the idea and developed it before I.
The point? Always think things through. Check out your options. Research your avenues. Don't expend time and energy when it can be spent in activity more productive.
Keep looking up. AJ
Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for June 7th from "The Journey: A Calendar Book"....
"Know who you really are, then try your best to fake everyone out".
Let's face it, no matter how much we know ourselves or no matter how positive our self-image is, there are still aspects about ourselves we would like to improve or we don't like.
When we tout we don't care what others think about us we're lying to ourselves. These aren't negative attributes at all. Continuing to better ourselves is important in working toward personal success. It keeps us on our toes.
Maslov's "Hierarchy of Needs" tops out at self-actualization", or in other words, enlightenment or perfection. I don't believe we can get there in this existence.
Certainly we strive to attain it, but reaching self-actualization would mean we have nothing more to attain. We would become complacent, thus stagnant.
When we accept this and really know ourselves, we can then model who we wish to attain to be. "Faking everyone out" is surely putting it blunt....but this the reality. Accepting who we are requires being truly honest with ourselves.
As Shakespeare said in so many words, the world is a stage, we are but actors in it.
Be true to yourself....and always....keep looking up. AJ
Our reading for June 8th from Allen James' "The Journey: A Calendar Book"....
"Be aware of those with whom you work".
We spend the majority of our lives at work....2nd to the time we spend sleeping (such a travesty), thus being very aware of our co-workers helps immensely in our journey to personal success.
As I've stated before, there aren't too many people with whom I can't get along, but there have been three times in my life where a single co-worker has created a work environment where it has been a challenge to say the least.
Trust has always come easy for me, possibly to a fault. I've learned the difficult way to make sure I tread lightly around co-workers.
Low self-image and feelings of inadequacy can encourage those co-workers who seem to think competition is a standard in the workplace to spread their unhappiness like a virus.
I've found the best way to handle this situation is to just do my job. Being affable and getting through the day sometimes is my only life saver.
Certainly I'm not saying I'm miserable at work, the opposite is usually true. I love what I do and the fruits of my labor. I just am aware much more these days of the fact bullying does't cease after adolescence.
Be aware of those of with whom you work. Know the "good guys" from the "bad guys", then steer clear of the bad guys and always strive to be one of the good guys. Personal success comes no other way.
Keep looking up AJ
Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for June 9th...from our featured calendar book for 2013, "The Journey", "Sleep under the quilt your mother made by hand for you".
Allen James' calendar books are intended to encourage positivity and to support the reader's journey to personal success, thus are to be interpreted in a personal manner by each reader.
I emphasize this because today's reading could easily get a response such as, "My mother never made a quilt for me". A personal interpretation would look at it from the point of view we should cherish those things significant others did for us out of love, whatever they be.
I recall when I was a child sleeping under a quilt my grandmother hand made for her grandchildren. I don't know when she gave them, whether as birthday presents, Christmas gifts, or just because she knew we needed warmth in the cold of Kentucky winters; but I certainly remember the warmth they provided.
People just don't quilt by hand much these days. Which is what makes today's reading even more special to me.
At 61 my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. She was given 6 months to live. For the year prior to her diagnosis she spent every evening sitting in "Momma's chair" piecing together material swatches and then quilting those swatches into quilts. No one knew she was ill, not even she. Yet it was as if instinctively Mom was aware her days were numbered.
That Christmas she gave as gifts quilts she had sewed by her own hands to each of her 6 children, as well as one for my girlfriend at the time.
What a gift. A mother's love. A symbol of the warmth she had always provided and the comfort she wished to provide even long after she was no longer with us.
When I sleep under Mom's quilt I can but imagine with each stitch her nimble fingers working diligently to complete each quilt for her beloved children.
She passed away the next March. This symbol of her compassion will bring me warmth and comfort for years to come. Almost 20 years later I still sleep under the quilt my mother made by hand for me. Life truly does continue after death.
What's your special something which memorializes your loved one?
Keep looking up. AJ
Our posting today is a quote by rock and roll icon, Janis Joplin, who certainly knew the real significance of these words, "Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got".
Janis Joplin was a tragic hero to be sure. Quickly running from an adolescence filled with bullying and mockery, ironically, upon returning to her 10 year high school class reunion determined to prove herself, she found no matter how famous one becomes, there are some boundaries which cannot be crossed without pain and anguish.
Dead at only 27 due to a heroin overdose in 1970, Joplin had fought compromise on every front, truly having only herself in the end. "Janis Joplin has passed into the realm of legend: an outwardly brash yet inwardly vulnerable and troubled personality who possessed one of the most passionate voices in rock history. It could be argued that her legacy has as much to do with her persona as her singing. Music journalist Ellen Wills asserted that 'Joplin belonged to that select group of pop figures who mattered as much for themselves as for their music. Among American rock performers, she was second only to Bob Dylan in importance as a creator-recorder-embodiment of her generation’s mythology'"(rockhall.com).
Compromising "self" is giving up on all OUR needs and desires and to be sure, when we compromise "self" we find unhappiness. As unique individuals, how unfortunate to spend this uniqueness miserable. We are too precious to waste our life on anything other than enjoying what we have to offer the world; our positivity and the personal successes which can inspire others.
Don't compromise who you are. Believe in who you CAN be by BEING who your are.
Keep looking up. : ) AJ
