Nils Andersson's Blog

I was thinking about visibility in general and then out of nowhere came the idea of an "invisbility bubble". Clearly this is something an inventor ought to sink his teeth into. But... to mix it up a bit I have let the Professor be much younger when this episode takes place. And it rhymes too!


Young Al was a curious boy That found all his pleasures and joyIn making up crazy inventionsDefying all normal conventions
Some were spectacular, shinyOthers were small, often tinyBut one caused him no end of troubleThe invisibility bubble
It was an amazing machineThe like of it hasn’t been seenNot even a closer inspectionRevealed a single reflection
The bubble was cosy insideWhich made it a good place to hideAway from the world for his schemingQuite simply a great place for dreaming
It happened in less than a blinkThat left him with no chance to thinkThat possibly, rather than cheering He should have equipped it with steering
The moment it started to rollThere was no way to regain controlThere seemed to be no way of stoppingIt simply was not keen on popping
The boy and his wonderous ballWent crashing right into a wallWhen it came it was quite a surpriseThe end of this brilliant device 

The first day of a sparkling new year. The future of yesterday. But is it what we expected?
Prediction 1957: In AD 2000, our comfort environment will be so well controlled that we will be able to keep the atmosphere at the ideal level for the happiest, most energetic, productive life. Houses will be kept so clean by electronic dust and dirt traps that housecleaning will never be necessary. Dining-room tables will quietly swallow dish after a meal and transfer them to a dishwasher which will clean the dishes, dispose of the garbage, stack and store eating utensils until the next meal-time.
OK, so it might just be our house (aka “the project”), but... when I came downstairs this morning the debris from last night’s excesses were still pretty  much in evidence. There had been a considerable amount of cleaning before the event and it appears a lot will be needed after it as well...
Prediction 1928: Fifty years hence, according to Roger W. Babson, internationally known statistician, the milk bottle will probably be a museum relic, along with the ice wagon, the coal shovel and the ash can, and our milk and butter will be derived from kerosene instead of cows, while most of our other food will be served in concentrated or pill form.
Right... some of this clearly did happen, but as I poured a splash of milk from a bottle into the first coffee of the day the only “museum relic” I could find in the kitchen was myself. And the only kind of pill I required was an aspirin.
Prediction 1950: In AD 2000, cooking as an art is only a memory in the mind of old people. A few die-hards still broil a chicken or roast a leg of lamb, but the experts have developed ways of deep-freezing partially baked cuts of meat. Even soup and milk are delivered in the form of frozen bricks.
I guess I am getting on a bit, but... the chicken that’s roasting in the oven is beginning to smell rather good, and I don’t like the sound of those frozen bricks at all.It seems to me that we have not quite reached the future, and by the sound of these predictions from past editions of “Popular Mechanics” (and many others collected in the excellent book “The wonderful future that never was”) we’re not likely to get there any time soon.Might as well enjoy the present. Have a great 2014!

Here's a story involving the main character of the day and... for once... a rather successful invention. (This is the final chapter from the first Professor Kompressor book, which is still FREE from itunes.)
Have a great Christmas and a fantastic New Year!
It was the time of year when snow is supposed to cover the countryside like a blanket, making everything look clean and fresh. Icicles dangling from rooftops. Stars sparkling from freezing cold skies.
The rain was bucketing down. It was just a couple of weeks before Christmas and the climate had gone mad. Professor Kompressor had heard about global warming, but he did not use to think much of the idea. This so-called winter was making him reconsider. Then, all of a sudden, the weather changed. From madness to normality in an instant. The temperature dropped and several inches of snow fell. Children had to stay at home because the schools were closed. The Professor had to dig out his warm winter clothes. He also had to dig himself out of the house each morning, just to pick up the post.
The Professor enjoyed winter, but he was not keen on Christmas. He could not see the point of all the glitzy decorations and the shiny lights. To bring an entire tree inside... for goodness sake! Being a practical man, he obviously did not believe in Father Christmas either. He probably had done when he was a little boy, but he suspected that he had been tricked by his parents. He did not like the thought of that. A man with a white beard, in a factory at the North Pole making toys, and then distributing them one particular night of the year. To all the children in the world. Ridiculous idea. Absolutely ridiculous.
It was Christmas Eve. The Pig-Dog was sleeping on a cushion by the open fire in the sitting room. His legs were twitching as if he were chasing something in his dreams, perhaps a rabbit. He was snoring.
The Professor was sitting in his favourite chair reading a book about the famous inventor Leonardo da Vinci. There were some very interesting sketches in the book, and he was trying to figure out how these machines were supposed to work.
They had had a nice meal. Possibly on the modest side given the season, but still nice. Now they were settling in for the evening.
It was getting dark outside. It was cold and the skies were clear. A perfect night for stargazing.
Suddenly, they were startled by a loud crash from upstairs.
It sounded as if a large cupboard had fallen over.
Then came a drawn out screech. Something heavy slid down the roof. Loose tiles clattered to the ground.
A second crash. Louder than the first.
Something had fallen off the roof and landed, not very gently, in the back garden.
Spot and the Professor, already on their feet, rushed to see what was going on.
When Professor Kompressor opened the patio doors, he was faced with the most amazing scene.
Chaos reigned in the back garden.
Several large animals with what seemed to be horns on their heads limped around over by the gooseberry bushes.
A large sleigh-like object had crash-landed in the middle of the lawn.
A round man with a grey beard and a red woolly hat was standing by the sleigh mumbling to himself.
“Oh-oh-oh,” he said. “What have we done?”
“Oh, Rudolf, I think we’re done for this time...”
The Professor surveyed the scene of the apparent accident. He was too stunned to think clearly. Yet something tickled his memories.
Surely, it could not be. Could it?
Spot had no such reservations. He dashed into the garden, barked happily at the reindeer and jumped up to greet the bearded man.
“Good evening, Spot,” cheered the man.
“Who’s a good little doggie, then?”
“Have you deserved your Christmas bone? Have you?”
The man scratched Spot behind the left ear. The dog really liked that.Professor Kompressor finally regained his senses.
“Hmm. Excuse me, but... are you... can’t be...”
The words stumbled out of his mouth.
“Afraid so,” said the man. “This old sleigh is going nowhere tonight.”
“The children will be so disappointed.”
“Dreadful,” he added, even though there was no need for it.
Father Christmas turned to Professor Kompressor.
“Do you think?” he started.
“Do you think you could help?”
“Can you fix it?”
It only took the Professor a moment to decide that the answer was a definite no. The sleigh was not going anywhere that night. It was too badly damaged. Besides, the poor reindeer looked dazed and confused. Some of them were limping badly. They needed a rest. The situation could not have been worse.
The Professor’s brain was working hard. There had to be a way out of this jam. He could not let the children down. He had to fix this.
But what could he possibly do? The crashed sleigh seemed a non-starter, and they were running out of time.
There was no time for thinking. They needed action. Immediately.
Professor Kompressor was not used to inventing under time pressure. He was not good at dealing with stressful situations. He needed to be in a relaxed frame of mind for the ideas to flow, and he knew that inventions needed to be tested properly. Otherwise they could be quite dangerous. He had learned this the hard way.
There was no time for caution. He had to make quick decisions, and whatever he came up with had to work.
It just had to.
The Professor realized that he would not be able to create something new. He had to recycle.
He had a shedful of discarded inventions. The problem was that they had not worked in the first place. Was there some way that he could cobble something together out of bits and pieces from the shed?
He decided to give it a go.
The obvious starting point was the flying car. How badly damaged was it? It should have dried out by now, but would the engine work? Could it still fly? And what about the power source? It was night, so solar power was out of the question. Was there a way to replace it? Would batteries work? They only had to last one night. After that it did not matter if they were out of juice.
“It can be done!” said the Professor. “But we’ll have to take some risks.”
“Risks?” laughed Father Christmas. “Dear Professor. I’m rather familiar with risks. It’s not as if it’s safe to fly about in a sleigh pulled by reindeer. Bad enough in daylight, but during the night...”
“I think this evening’s experience says it all.”
They moved over to the shed and dragged the wrecked car into the snowy garden.
It looked a little bit worse for wear, but the damage was mostly cosmetic.
The Professor went into the house, and searched the inventing studio for the extra powerful battery cells that he had been working on. To his great relief, they were fully charged. He picked them up along with some tools and went back outside.
He was concentrating so hard that he did not notice that he was still in his slippers, and it was freezing cold.
Father Christmas watched with a mixture of amazement and amusement as the Professor ripped out parts of the car’s engine and threw them in the snow. There was not much he could do. He was not exactly good with mechanical devices. The Professor, however, was excellent at inventing things. And this time the invention would have to be excellent. There were no alternatives.
Professor Kompressor wired up the batteries and jumped into the driver’s seat.
When he flicked the switch the car’s engine made a noise... and then... nothing.
It did not work.
What was wrong? The Professor tried to think it through, but it was hard to concentrate. There was too much pressure.
He opened the bonnet and glared down at the engine. The construction was a complete mess. He had been tearing bits out and adding new parts, mostly using gaffer tape and bits of string. The end result was a virtual bird’s nest of wires, tape and string.
How could he possibly get this to work?
Then it struck him! Reverse double wiring! He had wired the batteries as he would for a normal engine, but this invention was far from normal. Maybe he just had to reverse it?
He dived in, tore off some wires and reattached others.
Back in the driving seat, the Professor tried the switch again. This time the car jumped to life, literally. It lifted off the snow-covered ground and the headlights came on.
Two bright beacons of light lit up the field.
“Get the presents in! Quick!” the Professor called out.
He did not have to say this twice. Father Christmas was already on his way, carrying a massive sack full of presents for children all over the world. He opened the passenger side door and tried to push the sack into the backseat. It was far too big. There was no way that it would fit.
Of course, the sack had been too big for the sleigh as well. It took a whiff of magic to make room for it.
They were ready to go.
“You’d better drive, Professor,” said Father Christmas. “I’ll handle the deliveries.”
Off they went, zooming over the starlit landscape.
In no time at all, they delivered presents to the houses in the village.
They carried on, making deliveries all over the country.
It was done at incredible speed. They hardly came to a stop at each individual house. Father Christmas was down the chimney and up again in not time at all. Soon the journey turned into a bit of a blur and Professor Kompressor had no idea where they were or where they had been. They pushed on regardless.
They flew over mountain ranges covered with snow, African plains on the edge of the desert, and exotic islands with palm trees.
It was an amazing trip, but they did not have time to stop to enjoy the scenery.
Dawn was approaching. They still had an entire continent to go. Professor Kompressor pushed the accelerator all the way to the floor. The flying car responded and, even though it seemed impossible, went even faster.
Finally, Father Christmas climbed back into the passenger seat, looked in the back and said, “That’s the last one. We did it!”
“Let’s go back home.”
They returned to Professor Kompressor’s house at a more sedate pace, landed by the garden shed and stepped out in the snow. The sun was rising in the east. It was going to be another crispy cold, clear day.
The Professor woke up in the sitting room chair. It was morning. He had had the weirdest dream about helping Father Christmas. Completely bonkers.
He walked over to the window and looked out into the back garden. Fresh snow had fallen. There were certainly no traces of a crashed sleigh.
It was a beautiful morning.
Then he noticed it.
Something was not quite right.
The door to the garden shed had been left ajar. The flying car, covered by a thin layer of snow, was parked outside.
“Surely not?” thought the Professor.
He went into the kitchen to make some tea. He clearly had not woken up properly yet.
On the kitchen table sat a nicely wrapped present and a note.
“Dear Professor,” it said.
“Thank you so much for saving Christmas. I don’t know what I would have done without your help. Keep up the good inventing work.PSMaybe I’ll see you again next year.”F.C.

If you are not a UK academic you have probably missed this, but today was the deadline for submission to an exercise gloriously called Research Excellence Framework 2014. Basically, a beauty contest for UK universities where we already know the winners. Still important because it determines how research money is shared among the losers. For the last two years or so I have had the "pleasure" of coordinating one of these submissions. It has involved numerous internal benchmark exercises, external reviews, a lot la-di-da meetings and, most exciting of all, a set of Impact Case Studies. There are supposed to show how awfully important our research is for the rest of society and how we are helping to fix the economy (after the bankers broke it). 
As a bit of light relief, I have written a short story on impact. Some of you might be entertained by it, so I decided to share it. The idea was to ask how the character from my children's books, Prof Kompressor, would react if asked to provide evidence of impact. This is for everyone out there that had to engage with REF2014 and all those that are dreading something similar coming your way. 
Enjoy!

_______________________________________
The wrong kind of impact
It was the most peculiar letter. He had to read it several times to make sense of it. His old mentor from college, Professor B.R. Ainsworth, was asking for help. Apparently it was a matter of impact or, more precisely, the lack of it.“Dear Professor,” the letter started.“I am sorry to bother you but we really could do with some assistance. The Government has decided that it is time to measure the usefulness of our research and we need to demonstrate that our work has impact on the world outside the laboratory. As you will appreciate, this is not so easy seeing as we are exploring the fundamental nature of space and time. Anyway, I know you have used some of our ideas for your inventions and I was rather hoping you might be able to help us by providing a useful Impact Case Study.”“Impact what study?” reacted the Professor.The more he thought about it, the clearer it became that his friend and his team of brainy scientists were in real trouble. There is not much money to be made from black holes, and wonky time does not help solve many real life problems either. He would like to help, but what could he possibly do?As he tried to figure this out, the Professor made himself a nice cup of tea. Three lumps of sugar and a splash of milk, as usual. He brought the drink into the inventing studio to refresh his memory. Where had he actually used Professor Ainsworth’s ideas?The first thing that came to mind was the time when he tweaked gravity to make a black hole into a bin. He shuddered as he remembered the chaos as the black hole ended up extremely hot and the house almost melted. This was some kind of impact, but obviously not the right kind. Besides, this invention was quite temperamental so it was probably best to keep it secret.He had used Professor Ainsworth’s idea of a multiverse when he tried to solve the problem of global warming by tapping into a colder Earth in a parallel universe. If this had worked as intended it might have had exactly the kind of impact the scientists were looking for. Unfortunately, the plan had backfired and all he had ended up with was frostbite. The wrong kind of impact entirely.Then there was the design of the flying car, where he had used efficient batteries based on Professor Ainsworth’s work on supracapacitors.“That’s more like it,” decided the Professor, rubbing a bump on his head that was left as a reminder of the first test flight.At least this invention worked. He could not claim to have made any money on it, though. Mainly because he had kept the blueprints to himself. It worried him that flying cars might wreak havoc in the skies. People seemed to have trouble staying safe on the roads so what would happen if they could choose to go up and down as well? It might lead to the kind of impact he would rather not think about.The Professor could not help smiling as he recalled the wintery night when his flying invention had proved its worth. Surely, helping Father Christmas when his sled had broken down, making sure that children all around the world got their presents, would have to count as impact on the real world?“The only problem is,” he frowned, “it might be a bit tricky to provide convincing evidence.”“I guess I could try to get a supporting letter from the North Pole...”The Professor admitted defeat with a heavy sigh. He was an excellent inventor, and his inventions were often excellent, but they all seemed to have the wrong kind of impact.
_______________________________________
Two of the ideas, fixing global warming and the black-hole bin, come from Professor Kompressor goes environ-mental, which just happens to be free from Amazon this weekend:http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00CUGHULO
The flying car was invented and used to save Christmas in the first book, Professor Kompressor, which also happens to be free but this time from ibooks:https://itunes.apple.com/gb/book/id660041372

“It’s such a shame,” thought the Professor. “Such a shame that there is a wall in the way.”He was sitting in his comfortable reading chair with a book on his lap, trying to make sense of a particularly challenging passage. The shadows were getting longer in the room, but outside the afternoon sun was still shining. Unfortunately, the Professor’s reading chair was facing the fireplace not the window. So he could not enjoy the fact that the weather was nice. It really was a great shame.Returning to his reading, the Professor started at the top of the page for the umpteenth time. He made it to the bottom, but could still not get to the bottom of it. The book made no sense to him at all.“All these complicated words,” he complained. “Can’t help feeling that they’re messing up the message.”“Have to get through somehow. I just wish it could have been more transparent.”“That’s actually not a bad idea,” he thought, in a moment of unexpected inspiration.“If I could make the walls transparent, then it wouldn’t matter that there is no window. I would be able to look straight out into the garden. And enjoy the afternoon sun.”“Even when I’m stuck here not understanding this infernal book.”He went off to the inventing studio to try to figure out how to make a wall see-through. He did not really know how to get started, so he decided to poke around a bit. He started by checking out various bits of unfinished inventions, trying to figure out what, if anything, they were good for.The idea came to him when he was moving an old TV screen out of the way. He started thinking about how amazing it was that live images could be displayed on a flat screen like that. All because of funny fluid crystals that reacted to electric currents in a special way.“What if... you could make the bricks in the house act in the same way?”“Suppose you could make brick that become transparent when you run a weak electric current through them. Then you could make the walls disappear whenever you want to.”“It would be like being outside and inside at the same time.”It was a beautiful idea, but not one easily made into reality. It took the Professor a lot of hard work and some serious thinking, but a couple of weeks later he was done. The house had been completely rewired and the invention was ready to be tested.He flicked the switch on the wall, which faded from view until it was gone completely. At least he could not see it anymore. He was looking out at the back garden. It was a grey day. Clouds were gathering and it seemed likely that it was going to rain. It looked cold and miserable. The Professor shivered. It might have been wise to test the invention when the sun was out, but it was too late now. He decided to have a bath to warm up.As he was soaking his body in the hot bath, it started raining. He could hear raindrops tip-tip-tapping on the roof. The rhythm was soothing and he started feeling sleepy. Just as he was about to doze off something happened.The rain short-circuited the new invention. The see-through walls became temperamental. All of a sudden, the bathroom walls disappeared.One moment, the Professor was relaxing in a nice warm bathroom. The next moment, he was still in the bathtub but it now appeared to be outdoors.This was not just impractical. It was embarrassing. The Professor could not reach his towel, and he did not want to get out of the bath completely naked, in full view of the world outside. What would the neighbours think?He had no choice. He had to stay in the bath until the temperamental walls decided to switch back again.This did not happen.The water in the bath got cold. The Professor was freezing, but modesty forced him to stay where he was. It was getting dark outside, but as he had thoughtlessly switched the light on in the bathroom this made the situation even worse.Eventually, well after midnight, he made his move. He managed to get his frozen limbs out of the bath, wrapped himself in a towel and went straight to bed. He needed three extra blankets to get warm again.As for the walls, they eventually had enough of being see-through and returned to normal. This was just as well, really, because there is quite a lot going on in a house that you would rather not see.
This story was written for the book launch of Professor Kompressor under cover, about a month ago. It's kind of inspired by liquid crystals. Hope you enjoy it!

Announcing the imminent launch of the third book about Professor Kompressor, an inventor with lots of excellent and entertaining ideas vaguely based on real science!

In Professor Kompressor Under Cover, the Professor finds that seemingly good ideas can cause a lot of grief. 

Two mysterious men pay the Professor a visit and he finds himself drawn into a world of deceit and lies. Trying to invent his way out of trouble, the Professor finds that even the best-laid plans do not always work out as intended. 

As the plot thickens, the Professor strikes up an unexpected friendship...There will be a virtual launch party on facebook on Saturday 19 October (3-7pm UK time).

https://www.facebook.com/events/1422213904672866/?ref_dashboard_filter=upcoming

During the launch party you will be able to DOWNLOAD your very own copy of the book, signed by the author, in your favourite ebook format. ABSOLUTELY FREE!

You can also take part in a COMPETITION to win signed copies of the paperback versions of ALL THREE PROFESSOR KOMPRESSOR BOOKS. Taking part is really easy, you just have to post a suggestion for an UNINVENTED INVENTION on the book launch site.

You are welcome to hang around for a while, mingle, have a virtual drink or two on the house, but... remember... there may be some dodgy characters loitering in the shadows... so watch what you are saying...

For the benefit of everyone that can't make this historical occasion, the book will be at a low introductory price on Amazon at least until the end of October.

In case this has made you curious, but you can't decide, this is how it all begins:

CHAPTER 1 

The Men in Black
It was all a bit mysterious.

Professor Kompressor could not shake off the feeling that he was being watched. It was an odd thought, ridiculous really, but he could not help it.

He felt as if someone was watching him.

All the time.

This obviously did not make any sense. Who could possibly be interested in the comings and goings of an ever so slightly eccentric inventor?

The night before he had convinced himself that people were skulking around in the garden. He thought he could see dark shadows moving, just beyond the visible. This made him feel unsettled and a bit nervous.

After a while he went to investigate but there was no one there. As he went upstairs to go to bed, the Professor told himself that he was just being silly.
Just before dawn, Spot the dog started barking frantically. This was most unusual. He was normally fast asleep well before the Professor retired for the night, dead to the world until the next morning, but now something had disturbed him.

When the Professor came downstairs to investigate what was going on, Spot was growling angrily at the front door. The Professor switched on the porch light and peered out the window. He could not see anything out of order.

He gave Spot a stern telling off, making it clear that the dog was just being silly, but immediately felt guilty about it. He tried to calm his conscience by giving the sulking animal a treat and his own nerves by making a soothing cup of tea. Three lumps of sugar and a splash of milk. That ought to help him get back to sleep.

In the morning he took Spot for a walk. It was a crisp clear day. Leaves were budding on the trees and you could smell in the air that the seasons were turning. This put a spring in the Professor’s step.

The Professor and the dog strolled down one of the country lanes, with no particular aim other than to enjoy their walk. The sun was shining. Birds were singing. Everything seemed right with the world.

Before long, the Professor was in a world of his own, thinking about an invention he should have been working on. He was well aware what was wrong with it and he was keen to fix the problem.

All of a sudden that odd feeling returned, sending a shiver down the Professor’s spine. He turned around to see if someone was following them.

Apparently not.

“I am definitely going a bit silly, little Spot,” he said to the dog. “I keep seeing shadows where there are none.”

The dog did not pay attention. Why should he? He was busy exploring the very interesting undergrowth. There were lots of exciting smells to keep him occupied.

They continued their walk, but there was no more joy in it for the Professor. He felt jittery and unable to relax.

The doorbell rang in the early afternoon. The Professor opened the door to find two burly men in dark suits standing on the porch.

“Yes?” he said in surprise as this was most unexpected.

“Can we come in?” said one of the men in a deep voice. He was slightly taller than his partner but just as mysterious.

“What is it about?” asked the Professor. He felt confused and perhaps just a little bit concerned.

The large man tapped his bulbous nose with his right index finger, as if to hint that the Professor ought to know what was going on already.

He did not.

...

“Look at this, Spot!” The Professor called out as he was reading the article in the newspaper.“There’ s going to be a spectacular meteor shower tomorrow night.”“We’ve got to see that, don’t we?”After thinking for a moment, he added, “To get the best view, we have to go somewhere remote. Have to avoid light pollution, houses, traffic… anything.”“We need to go camping!”The dog did not seem to object, so the Professor went to dig out his old tent from the shed. After some rummaging around he found it. He dragged the dusty canvas bag onto the lawn. It was much heavier than he remembered.As he opened the bag he was greeted by a musty smell, a mixture of damp cloth, mould and old material. There was also whiff of rotting wood. Laying out the contents of the bag on the ground, the Professor realized that the tent had seen better days. Much better, in fact.“Hmm,” he considered, “not sure I’d like to sleep in that.”Having had his plans shattered, the Professor went back into the house to have good think. Assisted by a nice cup of tea, three lumps of sugar and a splash of milk, he tried to find an alternative.“Do I have to bite the bullet and buy a new tent?”He decided this would not be a good investment. He was not a regular camper.Obviously.“Why don’t I just make one?”This seemed a much better plan. After all, the Professor had an inventive mind and he had managed much more complicated constructions in the past. He set his mind on the task of designing the perfect tent.“Should really get rid of all those strings, pegs and poles,” he considered. “Always end up in a mess trying to put a tent up… and just think of all that tripping over the strings in the dark. Terrible design.”“There must be a better solution.”“Putting up a tent ought to be as easy as pushing a button. Hey presto, and there it is.”“Why don’t you just make it inflatable?”At first this sounded ridiculous, but the more the Professor thought about the idea the more he liked it.“There’s no reason this shouldn’t work,” he decided. “And you can make improvements, like having a soft airbed built in.”He went to the inventing studio to try to put the inflatable tent together. Luckily he had some flexible material left over from another project, so it was really just a matter of figuring out what size and shape the tent should be. He decided to make it small, because it only had to have room for himself and Spot. And the dog preferred sleeping outside anyway.They arrived at the small campsite late in the afternoon. After parking the car, the Professor unpacked his invention. He laid the material out on the ground, connected the gas canisters and pushed the inflate button. In a matter of seconds the small tent was ready. He secured it to the ground with two ropes.“How about that?” he exclaimed happily. “Easy as pie!”With time to spare, the Professor took Spot for a walk in the beautiful countryside.Returning to the campsite he noticed that the wind was picking up. The inflatable tent looked distinctly wobbly. He decided it would be a good idea to secure it better with a couple of tent pegs.The Professor rammed the first peg into the ground.It would have made sense to use only as much force as was required, but this did not occur to him.It would have made sense to aim properly, but this did not occur to him either.It would have made sense to be careful and avoid puncturing the tent.This did occur to him, but by then it was too late.With an almighty farting noise the inflatable tent shot up in the air, and disappeared over the trees. The effect was the same as letting go of a blown-up balloon, only on a much more impressive scale.Dumbstruck, the Professor watched as his night of comfort vanished in the air.“Hmm.”The Professor turned to find a man standing behind him, puffing on a pipe. The man was unshaven and looked a bit worn.“Most impressive,” the man said with what might have been a smug smile.“What are you going to do now?” “No idea,” mumbled the Professor. “Might as well give up and go home, I suppose.”“You could always stay in our pod, you know,” the man continued. “Just finished building it.”He gestured in the general direction of a corner of the campsite. The Professor could see a small wooden building. It reminded him of a bicycle shed, but he obviously did not say that.“Got a real bed and all. How about it?” The man finished.The Professor accepted the offer. He did not have much of a choice. Beggars can’t be choosers.The sky was clear and billions of stars twinkled from the firmament. All of a sudden, one of Nature’s own fireworks erupted. It did not last long but it was a breathtaking nevertheless.It was not until it was over that the Professor felt the chill in the air. Shuddering, he retired to the borrowed pod, which was kept at a nice temperature by a wood-burning stove. As he was dozing off on the comfortable bed, he thought to himself, “Why bother with a tent when you can stay in a pod?”“Could get used to this glamorous kind of camping…”And then he was asleep.

(If you have ever lost your glasses, then this is for you!)


Professor Kompressor was very clever, but he was not terribly organized. He had a particular knack for losing things. One moment he would know exactly where whatever it was would be. The next moment... gone. Things tended to disappear mysteriously whenever he needed them the most. ‪He was trying to find his glasses. First he looked everywhere they could possibly be, but were not.Then he looked everywhere they could not possibly be. They were not there either.Trying to figure out what was going on, he took off his glasses and started polishing them with his handkerchief.“Where could they...”Then it struck him.“I’m such a fool,” he groaned.“Why is it,” he reflected as soon as he had calmed down, “that it’s so difficult to keep track of these infernal things? Even when they’re right in front of my nose.”He was, of course, not the first person to have this problem. Glasses go missing all the time, all over the world, causing immense frustration for their owners.Professor Kompressor decided to do something about the problem. The situation was calling for an invention, but it was not clear what this invention should be.His first suggestion solved the problem, but was not very practical.“I could just stop wearing glasses,” he considered. “Then I wouldn’t lose them.”“On the other hand,” he added thoughtfully, “I wouldn’t see very clearly.”“Could be dangerous, as I might crash into things.” “Better think of something else.”The second idea was more promising.“How about making the glasses more noticeable?”“I know! I’ll install bright flashing lights on the frames, turned on and off by a remote control.”“Whenever I mislay the glasses, I just turn on the flashing lights and they should be easy to find.”“Might look a bit silly, but that doesn’t matter.”The Professor could not afford to be vain. He went straight to the inventing studio to work on the idea of the flashy glasses. Emerging a couple of hours later, very pleased with himself, he decided to test the new invention by mislaying the glasses. On purpose. This turned out to be quite difficult, but eventually he managed to forget where he had put them. “Alright, then...” he muttered to himself, “time to see if this works.”“Only need to push the red button on the...”“... remote control!” he gasped as he realized that he could not find it.He looked absolutely everywhere.As he was rummaging through a pile of letters and mixed paperwork on a shelf in the hallway, he considered that it might have been a good idea to put flashing lights on the remote control as well. “Of course,” he figured, “then I would need another remote control and I bet I’d manage to lose that, too.”Eventually, he found the offending item. In his left trouser pocket. He pushed the button and, to his great relief, saw the red lights on the glasses flash from the bookshelf. “Seems to work,” he concluded.In the evening he sat down to watch television. It was a program about wildlife in the Arctic, or somewhere cold like that. The snow on the screen made the Professor feel chilly. He decided that a mug of tea, three lumps of sugar and a splash of milk, would be just the thing to keep him warm.Returning from the kitchen, he sat down in his comfortable chair. Unfortunately...  ... he managed to sit on the remote control. The glasses started flashing. On – off – on – off...Stunned by surprise, the Professor had no clue that was going on. He was simply sitting there, flashing like a Professor-shaped emergency vehicle. The only thing missing was a siren. This mishap made him decide that the invention was not quite what he was looking for. He went back to the drawing board.The next day he solved the problem, once and for all.He simply tied a string to the glasses. That way, when he was not wearing them, they dangled on his chest.Tried and tested solutions are often the best.

I’m sure you remember the deep thoughts on known and unknowns by a certain Donald Rumsfeld. Ridiculed by many, hailed as profound wisdom by a few, these words fit our current understanding of the Universe remarkably well. Maybe you have thought about this already? If not, consider this: According to increasingly precise observations, most recently from the Planck Satellite, the Universe had three main components;First we have the known knowns, the normal matter. The stuff that we are all made of, the stars in the sky and so on. Basically, things that physicists would claim to understand. Sadly this is only a measly few percent of everything,The second part is the dark matter. The known unknown. Needed to explain how galaxies form and why stars in the outer edges of individual galaxies move as they do. A typical physicist would not claim to know precisely what this stuff is, but he/she might be prepared to make suggestions. This fifth of the Universe is mysterious, but maybe not outrageously so.Finally, we have the third part, the unknown unknown. The dark energy. Sounds a bit sinister, doesn’t it? And it is. Nobody seems to have a working explanation for this part. Yet we need it to explain why the rate of expansion of the Universe is gradually increasing. And it makes up pretty much three quarters of the Universe as well. So, whatever it is... there’s “lots” of “it”.Whenever you have unknowns like this in science you find speculation galore. You could argue that this is healthy and may in the fullness of time lead to progress on problems we don’t currently understand. Alternatively, you could take it as evidence that some scientists are ultimately loons. I think the truth lies somewhere in between these extremes. Hopefully closer to the former, but I wouldn’t bet on it.I am not a great fan of dark energy. It is too freaky. I can cope with the idea of dark matter, though. I even find some suggestions amusing. A recent idea about the known unknown provides particular pause for thought. It is really quite simple. Basically, all the stuff that we see and understand interacts electromagnetically (emits light, essentially). The dark matter does not. Obviously. It is dark. It only affects gravity. So... the new suggestion is that dark matter could be pretty much “normal” stuff, only not interacting through standard electromagnetism. There could be dark atoms, molecules, larger nuggets and so on. Perhaps dark stars, planets... Maybe dark matter people, or is that going a bit far? Anyway, the point is that we would never know, as we wouldn’t see these things. In order to build large dark objects there would have to be some force to replace electromagnetism. A dark force, as it were.Does this sound a bit too much Star Wars for your liking? Perhaps, but ... and this is a big but... the idea was proposed by well-known scientists at some of the world’s best Universities. Whether this is the result of inspired thinking or too much science fiction, well... hopefully we will find out. One day.

(As I was leaving on holiday a month or so ago, I learned about a script writing context where the challenge was to involve concepts from Maths. Luckily, I did not find time to think too much about that... but... here is a short story involving a few too many numbers.)
As the Professor finished the crossword puzzle, he noticed a very odd thing at the bottom of the page. It was a square with a lot of smaller squares in it, a grid really. There were numbers in some of the boxes, but most of them were empty. Intrigued, he tried to figure out the rules of this new game. Apparently you were supposed to fill the boxes with numbers, without repetition either inside each smaller square or in each line or row.“Tricky...” he decided, because it was.He decided to give the challenge a go anyway. You can not really hold a curious mind back.Half an hour later he had made some modest progress, but he was getting tired. His eyelids were drooping and he was finding it increasingly hard to concentrate.As he fell asleep, it was inevitable really, his last thought was on the puzzle.“Should it be a six or a nine? So many numbers to choose from...”The transition to the world of dreams was seamless.He found himself in a peculiar place. It was an odd country. The colours were brighter than usual. The shapes were so very different. They reminded him of something, but what was it?“Numbers...” he thought, “... numbers everywhere.”The Professor found himself surrounded by numbers.The numbers came in all shapes and sizes and all the colours of the rainbow. They spoke in many different voices. He could not make out if they were all speaking the same language, but it did not matter because he seemed to understand them perfectly regardless.“Get in line,” he heard a fairly large number six call out.“Everyone line up... in order of size, please!”After some commotion there was a resemblance of order, but there was still a fair bit of movement going on.“Small ones to the left, large ones to the right,” bellowed a massive number nine. “Come on, get yourselves sorted!”“I don’t know where to go!” cried a small shape, with a hint of desperation in its voice. “I don’t know where to go!”“Oh, come on, try to be rational,” piped a medium sized number five. “Go and stand with the little ones!”“What about me?” asked a shape that looked like a small n, but with slightly sharper edges.It was difficult to understand what it was saying because it had a mouthful of what might have been cake, but could have been pie.“eeeeeeeeee!” the letter e screamed past. It ran circles around the number three, which seemed just a little bit annoyed by this irrational behaviour. Finally, the letter decided to stop near two and three quarters.It was getting very confusing.Two twin circles joined up and marched off towards the very end of the line, but it was not clear if they would ever get there.The letter i was standing way out of line, shouting “I don’t want to line up!” “Why should I line up? Look at all this space! Two dimensions are more complex than one!”“Get real,” grumbled a surprisingly fat number two to no one in particular.Professor Kompressor woke up. He could not remember the details of the dream, but the sight of the unfinished number game made him feel ever so slightly queasy. He resolved to stick with regular crosswords in the future.“Words are so much more manageable,” he decided.“Numbers… there are just too many to keep track of.”