Beth Beutler's Blog

October has already been full of meaning. A beloved young family member underwent long-awaited heart surgery—a huge relief and blessing after the procedure was postponed from July. I had the chance to travel to Charleston, SC, combining family support, business, and some well-earned downtime with my husband (including walks on our loved Folly Beach.) The change of pace was welcome and refreshing.

Back home in Greenville, we wrapped up the week by attending John Crist’s Jokes for Humans show at the Peace Center—a perfect mix of laughter and lightness to close out an emotional stretch.

Honorable Living

A recent social media thread caught my eye: someone shared their disappointment at not receiving a thank-you note after making a meal for a young family. Although appreciation was shown in other ways, they still felt let down. The comments reminded me of a deeper truth—especially one phrase that stood out:

“Kindness does not ask for etiquette in return.”

That struck a chord. Over the years, I’ve had to learn to forget what I give and remember what I receive. Releasing expectations helps preserve the true spirit of generosity—and invites peace.

Ongoing Learning

If you’re a Facebook Messenger user, here’s a handy feature I just discovered: you can now pin up to three conversations to the top of your inbox. It’s perfect for staying connected with loved ones or ongoing group chats without losing them in the scroll.  Here are some brief instructions.

Power Skills

Leadership isn’t just about performance—it’s about presence. A client has reminded me of this in the most encouraging way: they insisted I unplug while visiting family and encourage me to honor my Fridays off.

Sometimes, leading well means insisting that your team also take the space they need to rest, recharge, and reconnect. Modeling work-life balance is one of the strongest ways to support your people.

Enthusiastic Exploration

While in Charleston, Keith and I previewed part of our Holy City Wanderer Scavenger Hunt—one of the exciting experiences we offer through On Purpose Adventures.

It was such a joy to meet a couple of the behind-the-scenes contacts I usually coordinate with remotely—especially when planning those fun “libation station” stops for corporate events. Experiencing the adventure firsthand gave me an even deeper appreciation for what our clients enjoy during team-building outings.

Want to learn more? Let’s set up a quick call!
(Our scavenger hunts are available nationwide, with Charleston and Greenville, SC as our home bases.)

I hope you are learning every day, and spreading kindness as much as you can!

Until next time—stay hopeful,
Beth

I was really blessed by this recent email from a reader:

“Hi Beth, I thought I would let you know that I am so glad that you have returned to sending out newsletters. I have enjoyed reading all of them and it brightens my day. Thank you for the tips on how to manage content on social media. I can’t wait to put those into action.”

It’s always encouraging to hear that my writing is making a difference!

Honorable Living
September was a heavy month for many, with troubling national and global events. Figuring out how to show up in times like these can feel unsettling. Some find comfort in sharing their thoughts with colleagues, friends, or online, while others process more quietly. Either way, balance and discretion matter.

I’m reminding myself that while I may hold strong opinions, I don’t always need to share them. And I certainly don’t need to let others’ expectations dictate if or when I do. May we all navigate these tricky waters with care and integrity.

Ongoing Learning
I just learned something new in Zoom: under “Share Screen,” you can click “Advanced” and choose to share only part of your screen. Such a great way to avoid showing extra clutter and keep the focus on what matters!

Power Skills
Questions are powerful when used thoughtfully. They can open conversations, diffuse tension, or dig a little deeper:

“Would you tell me more about why you see it that way?”

“What’s something you’re looking forward to not doing this weekend?” (A gem from one of my clients!)

“That sounds interesting! What was the most unique part of that experience?”

That said, use questions like seasoning—enough to add flavor, not so many that it feels like an interrogation. Pay attention to the level of relationship and follow the other person’s lead.

Enthusiastic Exploration
Did you know the Mice on Main in Greenville, SC, are celebrating 25 years? These little bronze mice scattered along Main Street are especially fun when they’re dressed up for the seasons. (Pictured is one outside my coworking spot that my granddaughter found.) I’ve dealt with mice before, so normally I’m not a fan—but in this case, they’re charming and delightful! Be sure to look for them next time you’re downtown.

Freebie Focus
Take a look at my Today’s Name of God materials—365 names of God to enjoy and reflect on all year long.

Til next time, stay hopeful!
Beth

Hi friends,

Every so often, I like to pause and share a handful of reflections that have been on my mind—ideas about how we see the world, how we shape our surroundings, and how we keep learning and growing. This time, I’m writing about the pitfalls of generalizations, the surprising control we actually have over our social media feeds, the quiet impact of how we “show up,” and the beauty of blooming in our own unique way. I hope these thoughts encourage and inspire you!

Honorable Living
Generalizations rarely help anyone. I remember reading a comment on a post essentially saying, “South Carolina is terrible.” Someone asked for details, and the person shared a litany of discomfort and hard circumstances. Certainly her experience in South Carolina was nothing to celebrate. And yes, some of what she shared had to do with culture and climate. Even so, her limited experience in one town—and the poor choices of those around her—did not mean the entire state was terrible.

The world is full of variety. One location may help someone thrive, while another may feel life-draining. Perhaps it would be better to say, “This area did not align with our needs, but many people are happy there.” That spirit of honesty without judgment can apply to so many things—churches, jobs, neighborhoods, even restaurants.

Ongoing Learning
That thought about variety leads me to something else—how we filter what comes into our lives. Recently, I learned you can actually retrain your social media algorithms by adjusting settings related to sensitive and preferred content. Pairing that with the small choices we make in the moment—such as tapping “see less of this”—really can shift your feed toward what’s life-giving instead of draining.

Here are some resources if you want to try it yourself:

Instagram settings

Facebook settings

Fluff Busting Purity (for Facebook desktop)

It takes some effort to “fix your feeds,” but the retraining is well worth it for a more pleasant experience.

Power Skills
And while we’re talking about what we take in, let’s not forget what we give out. At a casual bakery/café I frequent, the attendant once asked me, “Where are your little flower things?” She had noticed that I usually brought small touches—flowers, décor, something to brighten the table—when I worked there. That day I had less with me, and she missed it.

It struck me that something I did simply to warm up my temporary workspace had unexpectedly lifted her day. It was a reminder that how we “show up” leaves ripples around us. We’re not responsible for everyone’s response, nor do we have to lock ourselves into certain habits. But it’s wise to remember that our presence makes a difference—for better or worse—in the lives of those around us.

Enthusiastic Exploration
That idea of showing up leads naturally to the joy of exploration. Recently, Keith and I visited Cleveland Park in Spartanburg, both for personal enjoyment and as part of some scouting work for On Purpose Adventures. Keith noticed a single shoot on a Crepe Myrtle tree—distinct, blooming all on its own, even while other parts of the tree were more dormant.

It was such a vivid picture of staying grounded in your roots while also allowing your uniqueness to shine. Sometimes the most meaningful exploration is not about going far, but about noticing what’s right in front of you and letting it remind you to bloom where you’re planted.

For You From Me
Speaking of exploring, I created some free discussion prompters you can use with friends or family to spark deeper conversations. Feel free to download and enjoy them:
Discussion Cards PDF

Until next time, stay hopeful!

Beth

Welcome to September! Are you a pumpkin spice fan? I’m not, really—though I think fall may be my favorite season. Still, I try to enjoy each season as it comes, so you won’t catch me rushing ahead to Christmas just yet!

Here are some thoughts for this issue—I’d love to hear yours.

Honorable Living

“I’ll look at it when I get back to the office.” “I’d love to do that—let me check my calendar.” “We should get together sometime.”

Sound familiar? Most of us say things like this with good intentions, but then life gets busy. Notifications pile up, urgent tasks push aside thoughtful ones, and suddenly that kind promise slips through the cracks.

The challenge is that if it happens too often, it becomes part of our reputation:

“He never gets back to me.”

“She won’t call.”

“We said a year ago we should meet, and neither of us followed through.”

So how can we avoid that pattern?

Be specific. Instead of “let’s get together sometime,” say, “Can you meet the first week of next month?”

Set deadlines. Try, “I’ll check my calendar and get back to you by Friday. If you don’t hear from me, feel free to remind me!”

Capture it. Whether through voice notes, digital reminders, or a simple list—record it, and then follow through.

Reliability stands out. When people know you mean what you say, trust grows.

Ongoing Learning

One of my favorite roles is helping design the game experiences used by On Purpose Adventures for their teambuilding scavenger hunts. It’s always a learning process—especially because I get to weave in custom content for the companies participating.

That means I learn about fascinating organizations—what makes them unique, the work they do, and the culture they’re building. That personal touch is one reason the OPA experience resonates so well.

Curious? Let’s book a time to talk more about it!

Power Skills

Responsiveness is a valuable skill—but timing matters. Immediate replies aren’t always the wisest choice. Respond too quickly and you might:

Signal that you’re distracted from the task or person in front of you

Appear disengaged in the moment

Convey that you have little else to do

Set expectations you can’t maintain long-term

That doesn’t mean slow responses are better, either. The key is balance: a pattern that’s sustainable, professional, and aligned with your responsibilities. A surgeon’s timeline will differ from an administrative assistant’s.

Once you find the rhythm that works for you, stick with it. Consistency builds trust.

Enthusiastic Exploration

Recently, I toured the CF Sauer plant in Mauldin, where Duke’s Mayonnaise Duke’s Mayonnaise (and other products) are made. Did you know Duke’s is the #2 mayo brand in the U.S.? They’re working hard to expand their recognition beyond the South.

I’ve always leaned toward Hellmann’s, but after a taste test, I can honestly say both have their place. Duke’s tangy, seasoned flavor shines on sandwiches, while Hellmann’s subtle lemon notes are perfect for salads. Why not enjoy both?

The tour also reminded me of the countless behind-the-scenes workers—many in demanding environments—who help bring products to us. I’m grateful for their often-overlooked contributions.

And a big thank-you to Duke’s for the thoughtful swag box they sent after my visit—it was a delightful surprise!

And take a look at this awesome mural by Lacey Hennessey !

Here’s to cooler weather leading to cozier clothes and warm beverages with friends and colleagues! Want to chat? Contact me!

Hello and welcome to the next edition of Unlimited HOPE – with insights to brighten your day!

Honorable Living

Each Sunday, I prepare a summary of the message from our church, along with a study sheet for those who want to reflect more deeply during the week. We recently finished the book of Ruth, and one powerful truth we uncovered was how Naomi and Ruth chose to do the next best thing—even when they didn’t know God’s plan or how things would turn out.

Most of us can relate. We can plan for the future, but we rarely know exactly how things will unfold. Choosing the next best thing is one way we step forward in faith. Sometimes, that means taking action. Other times, it means waiting. Always, it means seeking God’s guidance for that day.

We can rest in the truth that He does have a plan—a plan to shape us to be more like Him. That’s an even deeper goal than happiness. It leads to joy and peace that runs deep, even in the midst of suffering, which we all encounter in this broken world.

Ongoing Learning

I use Canva regularly to create visuals for my business and clients. Typically, when I needed to use an image, I would download it from the source, then upload it into Canva.

But recently, I discovered that Canva connects directly with Google Drive! I can now search for an image and pull it right into my design—no downloading or uploading needed. One small change that saves a step and a few minutes. Learning like this keeps things fresh—and productive!

Power Skills

Let’s talk about what I call Power Skills.

You may know them as “soft skills,” but there’s really nothing soft about them—except that they often make you a more enjoyable person to be around. I prefer the term Power Skills because these abilities give healthy strength to your day and your relationships.

They include time management, clear communication, conflict resolution, and emotional intelligence—just to name a few. I’ll be sharing more tips on these in future issues, but here’s a thought to ponder in the meantime:

We don’t have time to BE difficult people.

(Let me know what you think of that!)

Enthusiastic Exploration As a Certified Tourism Ambassador for Greenville, SC, and Office Manager/Adventure Concierge with On Purpose Adventures, I get to combine both local love and team-building expertise.

OPA is a member of Visit Greenville, and I’m having the fun of helping design one of our GPS-guided, non-sequential scavenger hunts for both corporate teams and fellow CTAs to enjoy. It’s an engaging, energizing way for business groups to bond, build teamwork, and enjoy downtown Greenville in a new way. Click here to set up a free consultation and learn more.

For You, From Me Are you grumpy or grateful at work? Here’s a worksheet to help you reflect: Want to talk it over with me? I’m available by either billable or pre-paid arrangement.

It’s been a minute.  Actually about 1,364,725 minutes, since I last posted (January, 2023.)  

I took a LOOOONGG break from regular writing/blogging, although I’ve remained active on social media, particularly Facebook, where a lot of my readers seem to be.  I just looked back on that post reflecting on a hard year, and two years later, see how God’s grace has abounded!

But lately, I feel like God is asking me to write and post in a few other places, for at least a season.  I’m not working on a book, and don’t have any plans for another one, but I think I’m ready to share insights again in a more organized way, so here we are.  I realize that not everyone who subscribed in the past will want to keep receiving these, but for those who do, it will likely be about twice a month, and I plan to keep these short.  And, if you are on LinkedIn or Substack, the posts will look very similar there, so I’d understand if you don’t want them via email.

Most of my writing will fit under one or more of four content paths that often connect with each other, so let me introduce (or refresh) you about what to expect:

Honorable Living
Living in an ongoing relationship with and honor of God, while modeling integrity in daily life.
(Psalm 25:21, Proverbs 11:3, Hebrews 13:18)

Ongoing Learning
Embracing a mindset of lifelong learning and continual growth.
(Proverbs 1:5, Proverbs 18:15, Daniel 2:21)

Power Skills
Sometimes referred to as “soft skills,” these are essential behaviors and attitudes that enable you to solve problems, navigate life effectively, and interact well with others both personally and professionally.  (Galatians 5:22-23, Colossians 3:12-14, 1 Timothy 3:1-4)

Enthusiastic Exploration
Finding joy in discovering new places, ideas, and experiences—locally in Greenville, South Carolina, and beyond.  Why Greenville? Not only have I lived here for over 30 years, I am now a Certified Tourism Ambassador for Greenville! (Psalm 16:11, Proverbs 25:2, Ecclesiastes 1:13)

I look forward to bringing you information and inspiration that can help you live and work with hope.

Let me know if there’s anything within these topics you’d find interesting for me to address!

2022 – A Reflection

This has been one of the hardest years of our lives. Yet, it’s also one where we’ve grown closer to God and to each other. We are walking in more of a “just for today” mindset, trying not to borrow trouble, living in the “What is?” rather than the “What if?”

For every point of difficulty and stress, there have been counterpoints of grace. In random order …

The loss of Keith’s father, and the remembrance that God graced him with additional time when He could have taken him home a year or more before – giving him time to interact with a great-granddaughter and get to know a granddaughter-in-law and to grow closer to God spiritually before going to heaven, where he is no longer suffering. And the opportunity to feel with dear friends who had a similar loss this year (and in recent years) – a bond of healing together.

Unexpected journeys with kidney stones, for BOTH of us, one of us requiring two surgeries after years of no surgeries. The grace of making it through, that Keith didn’t have his at quite the same time (close!) when I was needing his help to go to outpatient procedures; family teamwork helping things happen when they could have been canceled or changed.

Sickness, which may or may not have been the C – but not to the point of major change of life or plans.

A loved one with an unexpected diagnosis that also required two surgeries – and an all-clear from skilled medical staff handling it quickly.

Financial hits due to unexpected expenses, but the provision of a way through, and the gladness of living as debt-free as possible prior, helping ease the “ouch” of something unexpected. God’s regular provision even in little ways (help me always pay attention to those love notes, Lord!)

The excitement of a new grandson coming, tempered by the potential health issues, with evidence of small and large graces already coming through the love and generosity of people; wisdom and provision extended through discounts/work benefit etc for our upcoming travel, and knowing that whatever happens, God has knit this child together for such a time as this and we have the privilege of loving him.

Slow periods for my business turning a corner in the fall to take on a client that’s a near-perfect fit for the variety of skills and interests I have and blesses some of my team in the process. And that this client is located in Charleston, the same place we will be at more frequently this coming year.

Stresses at work for Keith graced by strength to stay the course.

Growth in relationships, sometimes working through things, coming through the other side with strengthened resolve, commitment, and improved understanding.

Societal craziness, anger, and the pros and cons of the world of social media, soothed by a page of wonderful online relationships and financial support from the inner circle coffee club.

Slow sales in my latest book, Circle of Friendship, peppered with a group going through it over months, digging deeper, and hearing about someone who I don’t personally know being gifted it and blessed by its concepts. Writers don’t always know the impact they have. The rewards are often not financial.

Car troubles, graced by being married to a mechanic who has been able to save us and his mother money.

I may be forgetting something, but it doesn’t matter. I know this year has been uniquely difficult for so many. Most of us are ready to wave goodbye to it.

But let’s also reflect …

The road has been hard.
Grace has been there.
Focus on grace.

Happy New Year, dear online (and for some IRL) friends. Love to you all.

 

The post 2022 – A Reflection appeared first on Beth Beutler.

I’m honored to host the Leadership Development Carnival this month, full of great wisdom from leaders around the world!

Robyn McLeod of Thoughtful Leaders Blog presents You Think You’re Listening, but You’re Missing So Much. Here’s What to Do About It where she shares three simple steps for strengthening your “listen completely” muscle. You will learn that the more you truly listen, the better listener you’ll become and the more benefits you’ll reap.

 

Know the difference between giving advice to a colleague and coaching them. In Should You Give Advice or Coach? Jennifer V. Miller gives three ways to help reach a meaningful outcome.

When a leader needs to inspire people – or move them to action – nothing compares to face-to-face communication. This more personal method of communication sends a message before you say a word. From strengthening relationships to gathering employee feedback, here are six good reasons from David Grossman for leaders to make the time to communicate face-to-face.  Face-to-Face Communication: 6 Benefits of Leading in Person

From Diana Peterson-More: The Zenger Miller principles are intended to build trust and motivate others. All are vital; however, the first one sings to my soul: “Focus on the issue, situation or behavior, not the person.” Learn why this is a critical communication tool, how it allows for addressing thorny issues in a constructive manner and read a workplace story detailing what went wrong and how it might have come out differently.  “Focus on the Issue, Situation or Behavior, Not the Person:” How a Zenger Miller Principle Informs Consequential Communication

Every business has its underachievers. But today’s post by Steve DiGioia, Drop the Cute Puppy and Let Your Stars Shine, is not about them. It’s about those precious, and few, overachievers. You know, that one or maybe two, star employees who always seem to find a way to prove their value and serve your customers better than anyone could have expected. Here’s how to let them shine!

From Eileen McDargh, CSP, CPAE: Lessons from a Disruption – Learn how a 50-minute virtual keynote to some 1,000 people around the globe went wrong and how the client’s team jumped in to save the day! The resilience skills of adaptability and agility came into play. And laughability? Well, I told the listeners I was a six-foot blonde!

Neal Burgis, Ph.D. encourages us to Think the Opposite to Do the Opposite. Doing the opposite is a strategy you do – thinking the opposite of others in order to achieve unique results. Most people don’t think about thinking in another way, in a new direction. It’s where opportunities are.

Make it a great day or not; the choice is yours to make. Is it your choice? We are at times not in control of all of the actions which interfere with our day, but we are still in control of the choices we make in how we respond. Choice is how we begin to work on the earned life. More from Brenda Yoho in Choices We Make.

Marcella Bremer asks, Is a positive organizational culture “woke”? Aren’t wokeness and #ESG inherently good? It depends. Wokeness should not lead to a cancel culture. A positive culture is open and results-oriented at the same time. Bring your opinions to work. Engage in actionable dialogue to achieve more together.

It takes a conscious and concerted effort to be a person of integrity. Frank Sonnenberg provides 10 hallmarks of an honorable person — with suggestions to help you stay on course.

Sitting in a variety of challenging roles applies pressure that results in professional growth. It manifests in dealing with difficult people, striving for seemingly impossible goals, taking on a challenging assignment, or managing environmental uncertainty and ambiguity. Priscilla Archangel gives advice in Tackling the Hard Assignments.

Talking with team members about their performance challenges typically falls in the category of “least favorite” managerial tasks, but it’s a critical aspect of being an effective leader. In this post, Randy Conley shares 8 steps that will help you get employee performance back on track.  8 Steps for Dealing with An Underperforming Employee

From Dana Theus: Much is written about how few women make it into the top leadership positions. But I consistently find several mentoring tips for women both maximally effective and minimally understood when I talk to women pursuing leadership positions: DO HARD.  On its face, this advice is pretty simple: stay in your stretch zone and learn to master feelings of uncertainty, discomfort and periodic failure while you learn and grow. But what’s less often explored is WHY it’s so important for women to overcome their culturally ingrained reservations about taking on big challenges, and how to do it authentically in our modern business culture.  Do Hard: The Most Important Mentoring Tips For Women In Leadership

According to Julie Winkle Giulioni, the ‘givens’ of days gone by – those moldy mental models and myths – must give way to today’s ‘ungivens’ and the reality of the 2022 workplace. And until we confront these outdated assumptions, we may continue to grapple with untenable levels of attrition.  Today’s ‘Ungivens’: Confronting Outdated Assumptions that Undermine Retention

Companies around the globe are short-staffed. Leaders have tried to boost hiring through higher wages and even bonuses, but staffing shortages continue. The problem? Many business leaders want to return to the “old normal” but employees and candidates don’t want “old normal.”  Chris Edmonds shares more in his Culture Leadership Charge: How Does Your Culture Rate?

It’s that time of year again – the first half of 2022 is already over. We’re at half-time, just like in a football game. This is when the coach takes the team to the locker room to examine how they’ve performed so far, give some leadership inspiration, and reinforce the plan to regroup and outperform the other team in Q3 and Q4. Jon Verbeck cheers us on in Second Half Baby – Let’s Go!

While the realities facing new leaders are unprecedently novel, challenging, and anxiety-provoking, the meager amount of support and training that has historically been provided to new leaders remains sadly unchanged. Learn what you can be done to support a new leader in Supporting a New Leader, by Bill Treasurer.

On a recent trip with his wife to Lake Como, Italy, Art Petty had the honor of officiating the wedding of their son and his beautiful bride. Now that the big day is behind us and I’m free to do what I always do, which is look for the leadership lessons in my life’s experiences, I’m happy to share some thoughts. Instead of describing our specific event, I’ll emphasize the parallels between officiating and leading.  Leadership Reminders from My Summer Vacation as a Wedding Officiant

Regardless of the obstacle or circumstance we are not alone in our journey. Most leaders would benefit from being more vulnerable about their struggles with worry. More from Ken Byler in When Leaders Worry.

From Bev Kaye: Creating a Developed Culture: Three Crucial Roles – Career Mobility is essential for individuals at all levels. Each one of us needs to exercise agility and resilience that stable workplaces did not require. No longer is mobility just about physically moving to another building or town. It’s more than getting promoted. It’s sometimes just being willing to continue to learn and grow and stretch. It is about flexibility and agility. Career Mobility involves a rich mix of experiences, roles, assignments, and options.

Performance, productivity, and … proximity bias? Leaders navigating hybrid work environments have new risks to watch for when trying to level up their leadership skills. Here are Five Tips for Leading a Hybrid Workforce from Jon Lokhorst to help you level up your leadership now.

When was the last time someone asked you how you prefer to learn? Has someone ever asked if you need assistive technology? As a trainer and facilitator, I definitely miss the mark sometimes on inclusive training. It’s hard. There’s no way around it; it’s not easy to design or deliver training in a language, structure, platform, etc. that works well for every learner. It’s hard, but it’s so important to try.  Read more in Inclusive Training by Jillian Miles Massey.

You probably haven’t heard of the most devastating fire in American history. There’s a lesson there.  The Peshtigo Principle by Wally Bock.

From John Hunter in Using Customer Feedback to Drive Continual Improvement: The impact of creating systems that continually improve the value provided to customers is still very much underappreciated. The Deming Chain Reaction is such a powerful concept that allows us to create more value and reduce costs over the long term.

From Sean Glaze: Would You Rather? questions help by inspiring laughter and conversation at work. The interesting discussions and debates between coworkers that result from introducing these “forced choice” options can increase employee morale and strengthen connections.  Take a look at this Fun List of 31 “Would You Rather?” Questions to Inspire Laughter and Conversation at Work.

Jim Taggart gives us something to think about in Rethinking Teams and Teamwork: Getting Over the Guilt Complex. To most people working in organizations, private and public, the reflex is to refer to one’s ‘team’ when discussing co-workers and work issues. What’s happened over time is that the use of the word ‘team’ has greatly diluted what teams and teamwork are really about.

When your team or supervisor thinks of you as a negative person, you’re less likely to be invited to conversations where you would have valuable contributions to make. You’re less likely to receive recognition for your work and your odds of promotion go down. If you often hear that you’re too negative, learning how to be less negative is a critical skill to master—and fast.  David Dye guides us in How to Be Less Negative – and Still be Yourself.

And finally …

It’s often challenging to deal with difficult people. One of the hardest parts is feeling blindsided by conversation tactics that don’t serve the dialog or the relationship, especially if you are trying to address a sensitive topic. It helps to educate and prepare yourself ahead of time so that when those types of conversations occur, you are ready to handle them wisely and respectfully.  I give guidance in How to Cope with Toxic Conversation Tactics.

Thanks to all these great leaders for their helpful insights!

The post Leadership Development Carnival – August 2022 appeared first on Beth Beutler.

Have you ever walked away from a conversation and asked yourself, “What just happened? Did I fall for that again?”

It’s often challenging to deal with difficult people. One of the hardest parts is feeling blindsided by conversation tactics that don’t serve the dialog or the relationship, especially if you are trying to address a sensitive topic. It helps to educate and prepare yourself ahead of time so that when those types of conversations occur, you are ready to handle them wisely and respectfully.

Here are a few unhealthy approaches you may run across, with some strategies about how to handle them.

Deception

Whether outright lying or hiding or using more subtle “white lies,” deceit doesn’t build healthy relationships.  Discretion is important – you don’t have to share everything you know, and you also don’t need to be blunt and mean.  But dishonesty leads to a lack of trustworthiness.

Example: “A friend of mine wants to know about ______” (when it’s not a friend wanting to know, but them.)

Strategy: “Your friend is welcome to contact me if they like.”

Denial

Closely related to deceit, this is a claim that they really didn’t do or say something that you are asking them about. 

Example: “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

Strategy: “That’s interesting. I distinctly recall our conversation (give as much context as possible) about this.”

Diversion 

This is an attempt to change course in the conversation in order to avoid confronting facts. It’s changing the subject to avoid dealing with a question.

Example: “Did you hear about the new restaurant in town?”

Strategy: “I did! And I’d love to go there sometime.  What are your thoughts about what I was asking earlier?”

Deflection

Divert and deflect are closely related, but deflection is more an attempt to make YOU change the subject—to turn from your original intention in the conversation, sometimes to a common interest.

Example: “You went to that new restaurant, right? What do you think of it?”

Strategy:  “I did, and it was great. Let’s go back to what we were talking about.”

Disappointment / Disapproval

Sometimes, when you bring up a challenge, people will try to turn a situation around to express some disappointment in you.  

Examples: “You’re making a big deal out of nothing” or “It’s disappointing that you can’t let this go.”  Also, “You take things too seriously.”

Strategy:  “This is a big deal/serious to me. It’s important. That’s why we should talk about it.”

Downplay/Defense 

This tactic provides excuses for why they did or said what they did.  Or it attempts to water down the effect of their words or actions. 

Example: “It was just a little untruth.” or “I was tired and not really thinking about what I was saying.”

Strategy: “A little untruth makes it harder for me to know what’s really accurate” or “In that case, please wait on something important until you’ve rested.”

Demands

This is when the person flips the conversation to put expectations on you.

Examples: “I’m your boss. Don’t speak to me with that tone” or “I want you to stop this conversation right now.”

Strategy: “I am an important part of your team. I respectfully ask that we take the time to discuss this.”

Unproductive or toxic conversations aren’t fun, but they are inevitable from time to time.  Being more aware is an important step toward being prepared to change them into a productive dialog.

Note: some situations require more in-depth guidance and counseling. Please seek help if you are in an unsafe situation or need trained guidance in navigating a difficult relationship.

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Be sure to check out the freebies page for monthly tip sheets, a calendar of free books downloads, worksheets and fun activities on our keystone content themes of

Honorable Living
Organized Productivity
People Skills
Enjoyment of life

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The post How to Cope with Toxic Conversation Tactics appeared first on Beth Beutler.

Best friend. BFF. Besties.  We see and hear these terms quite a lot, especially as we scroll through social media. But I bristle at these terms for the following reasons, especially when said or shared with others. (Who hasn’t felt left out of something when they see that group of “besties” having a great time?)  These terms …

can send a vibe of an exclusive club, to which others aren’t welcomebe awkward for mutual friends who hear the term used regarding someone they know, but not themcan water down the meaning of the word “best” (which is supposed to refer to the rare, exclusive number one, etc.)create an emotional boundary that may insulate you from exploring friendships with others or inviting new people into your circle.

Perhaps we would do better to rethink these terms in favor of words such as, well, “friends.”  Maybe we don’t need to add the superlative “best” when we post or talk about our activities with known and loved people.  While it’s perfectly fine, for your own mindset, to understand the different types of friendship circles (see my book for more) it might be healthier to refrain from categorizing friends publicly.  Think about how much more open and kind you can be by not narrowing down how you refer publicly to the people you know and love well.

 

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Apparently, June 8 is National Best Friends Day, an opportunity to tell your friends how much they mean to you.  Since I wrote this on June 8, let me take this opportunity to thank YOU, readers, for being in my circle of friends.  I am blessed with many different circles, and many fine people within them.  My book, Circles of Friendship, explores this more, and I’ve shared a few sample page images below.  Here is a link to our latest freebie, a friendship word find.  My Coffee Club members received this freebie before anyone else.  Join today for $2.00 a month.

The post Four Reasons to Rethink the Term “Best Friend” – and What to Use Instead appeared first on Beth Beutler.