Nikki Rae's Blog

I've started using my Patreon as a blog, but I also love this one so I will be posting here once in a while as well. If you like my posts, I'll be doing a lot more over there this year (see below)!

2018 was a year full of accomplishments as well as disappointments, but it was also a year about learning and reflection. After a lot of thought, I've made some changes on the Patreon to make it easier for everyone to be involved! After all, I want this to turn into a community of readers, writers, bloggers, and friends, so why not make it more accessible?

That means I've tweaked all the tiers so a dollar gets you most perks now!

I really think that employing a "pay-what-you-want" feature would help us grow this community, so if I've enticed you by the end of the post, check us out!

Here are some other changes I've made to the Patreon, but if you're only interested in my "public" writing goals, keep scrolling! 

Prompts:

I'm going to be posting once every other month or maybe even once every three months. This will allow me to focus on making actual writing from each prompt (e.g. a short story/serial/choose your own adventure story). 

Serials & Short Stories:

As a result of the new prompt change, every other month (or three, depending on how it works out) there will be a new story, serial, or a continuation of an already in-progress serial (Flame to Moth, anyone?).

These choices will be available as polls where you all can vote which project I work on next!

Polls:

Polls will now be posted once a week!

Nikki Raedio & NikkiTV:

I will also be putting out either one podcast or one video a month that you guys decide! I'm also planning on some content that you don't have to be a Patron to listen to/view (see below under "Free Content").

Swag:

As of right now, there is only one of you who receives physical swag from me each month (hi, Melanie!). I'm trying to figure out a way to get stuff to everyone who pays $5 or more a month, so let me know if you have any ideas! In addition to that, I will be hand-making a lot of this swag (because I've been practicing a lot more art) as well as creating brand-new, never before seen swag you guys get to vote on!

Giveaways:

I want to do exclusive Patreon giveaways once we reach 15 Patrons or more. This would include paperbacks (mine and others!), swag, art, etc. so make sure you share this with anyone you think might like my work!

Brainstorms:

Let me be honest, I don't really need to brainstorm a whole lot when things are flowing in the noggin. However, I didn't want to get rid of this feature because I love the idea of sourcing things directly from my audience. Once a month, if I have something to brainstorm, I'll post it that way, but if I don't have anything particularly tripping me up, I'm going to instead post more inspiration boards, music, and anything else that gives you an inside look of what I'm currently working on.

Free Content:

That's right! I'm going to be offering some free content once a month for anyone following the Patreon (no payment required!). usually, this will be some type of blog post, but I'm also going to include some other teasers, videos, podcasts, and whatnot. My goal is to gain more Patrons this year, so hopefully this entices the casual reader to commit a little. 

Now On To The Writing Updates

*There will most likely be much, much more added to this list as the year goes on, but this is what I'm working on so far...

Chrysalis (and the rest of The Order Series): 

There is still no hard release, but I'm hoping to have this baby out by spring at the very latest! I'm *this* close to finishing the rough draft, and after that it'll be a blur of typing, rewriting, and editing. 

I do however have the first few chapters pretty much complete, and I'm thinking of releasing them once a month on the Patreon leading up to the release... ;)

Also, there will most likely be 4, maybe even 5 books in this series.

Art Project:

If you've been following me a while, you may know that I attempted an art-poetry project. I wasn't feeling it, so I abandoned it all and just never spoke about it again. However, I am working on something different that I think would make a cool little art book when it's finished. Right now I'm calling it "adorable anxieties". (There's a teaser of the WIP on Patreon).

Vampire Sci-fi Novel:

This is the big boy, baby. Again, if you've been following me a while, you know that I wrote a sweet little sci-fi romance about two years ago. I love that story, but it hasn't gone anywhere. In comes the other vampire series I've been secretly working on that also wasn't going anywhere and bam! We're gonna mash em up and make something new. I can't tell you too much about this project because I'm planning on querying it, but it's a world where there are genetic vampires and then "lab-grown" vampires. ;)

A Patreon-Only Release:

Last but not least, I've been kicking around the idea of releasing a book solely on Patreon. That book is looking like the sequel to Animal, Human. I want to aim for Halloween to get this all in order, but it may end up being sometime near the end of the year so I can make sure I have a ton of bloggers and readers buzzing about it before it's out. 

What are some of your goals for the year? I'd love to know so we can motivate each other in the comments!

Today, my twin sister and I turn 30! It's a little odd, but I've been looking forward to this age since I was in middle school, so I'm pretty stoked. As a thank you for being one of my readers, whether you're new or have been with me from the beginning, I've posted the first chapter of Chrysalis (The Order Series Book Three) over on my Patreon. You can read the excerpt here and if you want more, you can become a for $1-$8 and get early releases like this one and many others each month! All I want for my birthday is your continued support, whether that means you're a Patron or you just like my books, leave reviews, join my newsletter, and share my posts. However, a few people have asked if I have an Amazon Wishlist (don't feel like you have to get me anything; just sharing!) I appreciate each and every one of you and I'm excited for this spanking new chapter (no pun intended)!

Anyone can shift their skin once they know how; once they have no other alternative. Unfortunately for me, my enemies had this ability as well. So did my heroes.

The man sitting across from me could have been the college professor he claimed to be, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t also one of them. That was the worst part with everyone involved with the Order, whether they were ex-Members or current. Someone could be a good person in one area of their lives and a monster in another; it was a wonder any of us recognized ourselves when we looked in the mirror.

Master Vincent Capelle of House Leopard. Not a high-ranking House, but he was particularly special. To his students, he was Professor Capelle, the top Literature professor in Paris Diderot University. He was good looking in his red sweater and kakis, yet if he didn’t hold a position of power, I had the feeling many of his students wouldn’t glance twice at the fifty year old man in front of me. His hair was a deep gray as if he couldn’t let go of his youth, and he had a five-o’clock shadow of the same color. He purposely dressed as the knowledgeable man, his body fit under his clothes and his smile charming if one wasn’t careful. He could be anyone to a person from the Mainworld, but I knew better.

I knew the real reasons he kept up with his body, lifting weights nearly every morning and running around his block every evening. I knew why he wore the clothing of a less assuming man. He wanted to be your friend, someone to confide in and learn from. That way when he asked a girl to his office after hours, she was already enamored with him. When he gave them something to drink, or a piece of candy, or on the rare occasion he was spontaneous and used just his strength, they never saw it coming. I’d been drugged that way too many times to count. Usually when I woke, I was back at the Compound in my closet of a room. They usually came to in the back of a truck like they were livestock. From there, they would be transferred and divided all across Europe to Compounds and Owners who paid a hefty sum to cut out the middle man.

He was a Vulture just like the rest of them.

As soon as he saw me standing in his open doorway, he scrambled to clear his desk of the papers he was grading and invited me in. I noticed how his hands shook; no doubt my Owner had spoken to him prior to my arrival, and I could only guess what he’d said.

Keeping my eyes trained on the stone floor, I entered his cluttered office and shut the door behind me. There weren’t any classes because of the winter break, and I’d made sure everyone had gone for the day when we made this appointment.

“Thanks again for taking the time to see me,” he said, voice a little too high for his frame. “Please, have a seat.” He gestured to the leather armchair in front of his desk.

My leather boots squeaked with melted snow as I adjusted the strap of the unassuming backpack over my shoulder.

“Doe?” he asked as if to make sure. “Of House Chimera?”

I smiled politely, adding a modest nod of the head. I still hadn’t sat down, but he didn’t point it out to me. Maybe he thought I wasn’t allowed on the furniture. “Master Capelle of House Leopard?”

“Correct.”

So far, I’d attended five of these meetings. The first time I was terrified of being more or less alone with Members, but each and every man and woman I’d interacted with had been overly polite. One offered me a diamond necklace as a thank you as if I was a queen, while others, like Master Capelle, thought it best to treat me as an equal.

“House Chimera,” he said with awe. “And the brave, brave girl who defeated the Wolf.” He cracked a smile, not bothering to conceal his lack of grief over the death of such a well-known Member.

It turned out, there were many who disliked Jäger and his entire House. The Wolf had screwed over or blackmailed each of the Members I’d visited, so I wasn’t at all surprised he felt the same way.

Capelle’s plan wasn’t unlike many of the other Members’. They wanted the Cerberus dust Jäger and House Wolf had engineered so they could more easily break in new slaves, so they could gather more and more. Each wanted to be the main supplier because that was where all the money lay, and each person I had made appointments with thought they were the only ones.

When Wolf Manor went up in flames, they had no one to buy the drug from. Fortunately for them, Jäger had unknowingly signed over all the rights to the formula to his slave. However, Jäger had no heir, and in the event that an Owner died, their slaves would go back to their Compounds or in my case, the person who last Owned them. Master Lyon had only released me for minutes, but the scars on my back would last forever. The memories from that night wouldn’t fade. Not until every one of the Vultures was dead and no longer reopening the wounds to feed themselves.

I’d learned a lot about what had really happened, but even now, I didn’t like thinking about it. I only wanted information pertinent to our plans. However, I knew the time was closing in on me and I would have to confront the truth.

The collar around my neck was subtle; a delicate gold chain of a choker with a matching gold chimera emblem dangling from the center of my throat. To the Mainworld, it was just a pretty piece of jewelry.

“And congratulations to you, Miss Doe,” he said, “on your good fortune.” He folded his hands on top of the desk as if I was his student and he was the one in control; I was another young, impressionable, potential new recruit with stars in her eyes. Had I not worn Master Lyon’s collar, that was exactly who I’d be to him.

Every creak of my jacket could be heard in the small silence that followed. I neared his desk as close as I could without slipping out of my role. “Thank you.” My voice sounded sweet, but everything within me was coated with Jäger’s blood.

This man would bleed the same. Suffer the same. I was the one in control now.

My expression turned from a casual smile to blank innocence. The kind men like him liked.

“I only meant that it’s good to see your previous suffering has come to a permanent end.” He was rambling now, mistaking my lack of conversation for offense. He didn’t sound nervous, but his muscles had tensed enough to tell me how he really felt: scared.

I smiled. “Of course, sir. Thank you.” I lowered my gaze in mock-embarrassment.

“There are few things worse than a bad Owner,” he went on. “It’s…good you have one who has your best interests in mind.”

Unexpectedly, the forced compliment shattered my already splintered chest, sending shards of bone and thorns through my body. I so wanted to believe this was true, but now was not the time to examine these things. I couldn’t control what had happened or why, but I could control this present moment, and I would take advantage of it.

I took off the backpack and it made a solid thud when set it on the surface of his desk. “I also like to share,” I said to get him back on track.

Now he seemed more than interested, sitting up straighter, gaze becoming more animated. “Is it anything like the powder or pills?”

Whether he figured I’d been testing it out willingly or he’d heard of Jäger’s darts—something else he had been trying to mass-market to the Order; a game to pass the time.

Unzipping the pack, I produced one of the black leather cases, unlatched the closure, and displayed the vials of liquid Cerberus lined up like pretty girls awaiting their Suitors.

As Capelle opened his mouth to say something else, I unzipped the front pouch of the backpack to take out a syringe wrapped in sterile plastic. Though I’d only done this a handful of times, everyone I visited always wanted a sample; proof I wasn’t trying to take their money without delivering what they’d asked for.

He wasted no time taking the needle from me, greedily unwrapping it and plunging the sharp tip into one of the vials as if he was a child and I’d just handed him a box of chocolates.

This had come to be my favorite part: watching as the unsuspecting Member roll up their sleeve, find a vein, and inject themselves with the drug they felt so entitled to Own like everything else.

I watched as the needle pierced his skin and he winced, believing this tiny pain was worth the effort of displaying his discomfort. Within a few moments, his head rolled backwards so his glossy eyes were directed at the ceiling, a grin spreading across his face.

“Wow,” he whispered after a while. I inched closer, mindful not to startle him. His head flopped in my direction and I froze. “I’ve always admired House Chimera…” He swallowed hard; his mouth was already dry. “Anyone can transform…” He trailed off with a slur.

A different, weaker version of myself would have looked upon him with pity; he had no idea what was about to happen and I did—had seen it before with all the others.

“This…” His limbs became heavy and when he lifted his hand it didn’t quite look right. “This is strong,” he said into his chest, no longer able to hold up his head.

His cheeks were flushed with the heat flooding his veins. The first cough was hardly audible—someone clearing their throat.

It was my signal to quietly pick up my props, conveniently leaving only the Cerberus serum he’d used, its needle still sticking out of his arm.

I was fortunate. Fortunate to come into all of Jäger’s wealth, and fortunate enough to be in the unique position of controlling, at least partly, who the magical formula could reach, and even more so to be in such a position to find experts who could manipulate that formula. Over the course of a few short months, they had delivered a poison that mimicked the Cerberus dust in every way but one: it killed the user the first time.

Hey, guys! Today is Wilt's Release and I'm so excited to finally have it out to you! I can't get the characters out of my head and like you, I can't wait to see where they take me next. If you've read Wilt already (Whoa, you fast reader, you!) and need more right away, I'm going to release the prologue and title on my Patreon next month, so consider becoming a Patron ;)

Without further ado, here is the list of bloggers involved in the blog tour for Wilt, so make sure you check out what they're posting for giveaways, reviews, and more!

June 30: Quirky Talks

July 1: Perpetual Fangirl; Mrs. Hibble; Endless Reading

July 2: Koko's Secret

July 9: Shirley Cuypers

July 10: All Things Dark And Dirty

July 11: Book Lover Blog

July 12: Barely A Blogger

July 13: Dole Whip And Books; Always Love Me Some Books Blog

July 15: Girl With A Good Book And Her Dog

July 18: Bookish Puffcorn

July 21: Read. Review. Repeat.; Tongan Book Lover

July 27: Paranormal Tendencies; Sally's Sneaky Peeks

July 28: EmBumBlex

July 29: Yes More Blogs

July 30: MJ Book Blog and Reviews; Book Lover Blog; What's Beyond Forks?; The Kink Report; Lost In a Good Book; Readers Enjoy Author's Dream

*If I've forgotten any of you, let me know and I'll add you! ;)

Hi, hi, hi! Welcome to the new blog's first ever post!

I figured I'd keep this one short and sweet so we can get to the goodness, but I did want to say one small thing:

I am so happy to see new and old readers alike enjoying this series as much as me. I have never had one so challenging, so dark, or rewarding. I haven't had one flow like this series either; I usually take a break between books but I find I don't want to! Thank you for trusting me in a new and unknown genre, and as always, thank you for supporting my writing!

This baby comes out June 30, 2018, but you can preorder it now!

You can also read the first chapter here. ;)

If you aren't aware, this cover was voted on by readers on my Patreon. Together, we made this art to go with my book and I think that's pretty cool. If you'd like to find out how you can become a part of my creative process, get access to teasers and chapters first, and read books and serials you won't find anywhere else, check it out here.

See you soon!

<3 Nikki

When I took a break from publishing two years ago, I never thought it would be as hard as it was to get back into the swing of things. I love writing. It was the first thing I used to cope with things out of my control and it was the first time I ever felt I was doing what I was meant to be doing in life. However, through different life events, being virtually homeless (or at least no permanent home), and dealing with the ups and downs of trying to be a functioning human with new medication to make my brain work properly really took its toll.

I had such big plans last year to bring out a ton of books, but my heart wasn't in it, and I think most of you could tell. Though I'm still proud of the one book I did release last year, it wasn't what I wanted--definitely for the one and only release of 2017. 

When you're indie, it's drilled into you that you need to remain relevant. You have to write fast, write well, and make sure no one forgets about you. Here I was, returning to a world I had expected to stay the same while I was away and it was vastly different.

So after the release of Moonstruck last year, I was hopeful, yet a little discouraged. It was as if I was starting all over again and I felt lost. Stuck.

So what did I do?

I took a deep breath, bought a brand new notebook, and drafted the first five chapters of Bloom. Since Sunshine, I have never had a book demand to be told as badly. I filled that notebook in less than a month and typed it two months later. Meanwhile, the second book nagged at me to be plotted and written as well. 

Elliot and Fawn, the Order, and all that comes with this story is so totally different from what I've written before that while I was overjoyed to be writing every day again (and easily at that!), I was terrified that it would be rejected by the loyal fanbase I'd grown with because it's so different.

I should have known that I could count on them, but the writer brain makes you think dumb things sometimes. 

Anyway, I don't have a release schedule as such right now. I have tentative ideas and whatnot, but I don't want to lose the magic of the writing flowing through and onto the page by setting unmoveable barriers. I will always let you know when books are coming--and trust me, they are--but it's going to be more fast and loose than I've been doing things since the beginning.

I will say that I'm halfway through handwriting the second book and it's even better than the first. The third is already demanding I start plotting it. 

I really do hope you enjoy this book. It was a long journey, and it took a lot of self-doubt squashing, long nights, and balls for me to even mention pulishing it. I'm so glad I made the decision to do so and I sincierely hope you come along with me on this new path I've started down. 

 

 

Without further ado, here are all the links!

Buy Bloom HERE for .99 for a limited time!

Join the party HERE!

Enter the giveaway HERE!

Add to your TBR HERE!

 

Bloom Cover Reveal!

Today is the day! A day of love, flowers, chocolate, and the cover for Bloom!

And because I love you, I also added an excerpt! Enjoy and make sure you join the Facebook Party, Support the Thunderclap and Pre-order the book if you're feeling like spreading that love! Also, subscribe to my Newsletter to see an exclusive excerpt not shown anywhere else!

Bloom releases February 28, so mark it on your calendars! :)

The Cover:

 

THE SYNOPSIS:

Fawn was born into a life shaped by the rich and powerful. Given to The Grimm Order as an infant, sold at the age of nine to a  Suitor who would protect her from the “Mainworld”, Fawn always believed the people around her had her best interest in mind.  However, with the cruel man who bought her freedom, she finds just what the Order is about: money, control, and status for the Owner and humiliation and abuse for those they own. 

Sent back to the Compound that sold her, Fawn goes from golden girl to maid, content to live in the shadows of the Order as long as she isn’t Owned again.

It’s been ten years since she disgraced her former Owner’s name, and now the brooding Frenchman Elliot Lyon wants her. Master Lyon is kind, smart, and unlike any man she’s met. She doesn’t want to admit it, but Fawn is drawn to him despite constantly planning her next escape. 

Even the prettiest flowers have thorns, and Master Lyon is hiding secrets that will uproot everything.

The Excerpt:

It was hot. I was sweating and my face was flushed. When I opened my eyes, everything in front of me spun and I had to blink a few times before I could see clearly. I was in a hotel room, the walls around me a dark brown with generic paintings of fruit. The bed was large, the blankets on top of me too thick and heavy. I was alone, and for a minute I panicked until I heard the sound of running water. Someone was taking a shower. My heart pounded faster as I slipped out of bed and realized I still wore the ugly shirt and jeans they had dressed me in that morning. No buttons were undone and nothing was amiss. The only thing missing were my sneakers, which were sitting neatly lined up by the door.

My hands shook and my knees wobbled as I made my way across the small room to the door and put them on. There was probably security, alarms at the very least, but I didn’t care. This could be my only chance before my new hell began and I wasn’t going to waste it.

Of course it was locked; the only way to open it was with a key. I thought briefly about searching the room for it but stopped myself. Whoever was in the shower wouldn’t just lock me in a room with the key. Instead, I turned my attention to the wide window near the bed. It was darkening outside and there wasn’t anything to indicate where the hotel was located. All that stared back at me were lights from other windows with their blinds drawn; we faced only more rooms. We could be at the end of the earth for all I knew. These thoughts crossed through my muddled mind as if blown in by a sudden gust of wind. I was getting ahead of myself. I needed to take this one step at a time and get the window open. I could worry about where I was going once I was outside.

Surprisingly, there was only the standard latch and when it popped open no alarms sounded. The cool winter air hit my face and I welcomed it for half a second before I directed my attention back to the task at hand. The space was small and narrow; any other person wouldn’t be able to fit through—which was probably why they hadn’t bothered securing it. But I hadn’t eaten anything substantial in a week and I was thin enough to squeeze through. I was confident in that.

“You know,” came the voice with the French accent and I froze, my gaze locked on one of the windows outside, the fading possibility of escape mere feet away. “For a smart girl, you do not act very intelligent.”

That was it. My chance was gone. Now I would have to face consequences I couldn’t begin to guess.

“Turn around and face me.” He sounded bored.

I could do nothing but obey. If I didn’t it would only make it worse for me. Keeping my eyes on the white carpet, I turned towards the direction of his voice.

“Come closer.” 

I took a few steps forward, preparing myself for a slap or the bite of a belt across my cheek.

I heard him exhale an exasperated breath. “Mon Dieu,” he said. My God. “Stop staring at the floor.”

My eyes snapped up to him and there he was, the man who had bought me. His hair was damp from the shower, but he had tied it into a knot again. He wore a dark blue, long sleeved shirt and jeans, rich brown shoes.

His brown eyes traveled the length of my body before he spoke again.

“I will let you have this one, ma petit.” 

I gulped.  There was no way he was going to let me get away with this. The last time I attempted an escape, I was beaten so badly that I couldn’t walk for three days. He sighed as he crossed his arms over his chest like he wasn’t sure what to do with me now.

“Come sit at the table,” he said nonchalantly, and I heard the sound of a chair quietly sliding on the linoleum in the kitchen area. “I was just sitting down to dinner when you arrived. I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow morning.”

I stared at the glass tabletop as I moved forward. It took a moment for me to realize that he had slid the chair away from the table for me—a perfect gentleman. With Master Jäger, I was lucky to eat at all, let alone at a table with utensils. I instead took the closest chair and sat down for myself, lest he decide to pull it out from under me the second I sat down.

He sighed, but he allowed it; he sat in the chair he had pulled out for me.

“They couldn’t wait to get rid of me, sir,” I mumbled, half aware I had said it out loud.

I sensed him leaning back in his chair. “You have a sense of humor.” I could almost hear his smile. “I like that.”

I held my tongue before it could get me into trouble. Between the hunger and the unbearable unknown that stretched before me, I felt tears already welling behind my eyes. I was sure they were about to run freely down my face when he spoke again, pulling me away from my racing thoughts.

“Are you going to stare at everything else but me all night?” he asked, sounding every bit still amused but almost on the verge of annoyance. His voice was just as deep as I remembered.

As much as I hated to admit it, he was right. Waiting to finally look at him, like pretending to be asleep, only prolonged things. Only made them worse when the actual events happened.

Slowly, I raised my head.

He smirked. “Better.” But his grin turned to a frown almost as quickly. He suddenly stood from the table, coming to my side, a hand on my face.

I winced immediately, his touch sending pain through my bruised skin and the slight smile he still wore making my stomach churn. He murmured something to himself in French that was so low I couldn’t catch it.

“Did you struggle?” he asked.

The question was so blunt that it almost knocked me off balance. Instead, I swallowed the feeling. “No,” I answered. “No, sir.”

His gaze was trained on me, studying the damage. He didn’t look like he believed me. “This is worse than before, no?”

I could only offer a shrug. I was sure it was, but I hadn’t seen it myself.

His grin returned. “They really do not like you.”

Pride swelled in my chest and it was hard to stifle my own smile. “No, sir.”

He let his hand drop and made his way back to his seat. I felt the air restored to my lungs as soon as he put distance between us.

“Are you hungry?” he asked.

The words were like needles in my stomach. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction, but the hollowness made it impossible. Take what you can when it’s given to you, I reminded myself. That was something I had learned a long time ago. Pride and self-preservation were important, but not more than surviving. Food was survival. Let him think what he wanted. My mind was mine and always would be. He wouldn’t know my thoughts, no matter how much money he had or how much control he claimed to have over me.

“Yes, sir,” I answered.

“Can you at least look at me when you speak?”

I hadn’t realized that my eyes had been fixed on the silver dome in front of me on the table, my only thoughts on what lay underneath and how it would nourish my body. My eyes shot up to him. If this was the only obstacle standing between me and food, I would remove it. He sat with his arms across his chest, a bemused expression playing on his lips.

“Sorry, sir,” I said, happy with how strong my voice sounded even as it remained soft, docile; everything he wanted. “Yes, I am hungry.”

He nodded his approval, reaching across the table to uncover the food in front of me before doing the same with his own plate. It was a large slab of meat, mashed potatoes, broccoli. Somewhere I knew the meat was steak, the juices running onto the white china pink with blood. I looked up at him with skeptical eyes as he handed me a fork. This had to be a trick.

“Should I worry about you using this as a weapon?” he asked, both of us holding onto it over the middle of the table.

“No, sir,” I rushed out, eager to eat what was in front of me. I would use my hands if I had to.

He relinquished the utensil and I grasped it in my shaking fist, spearing my food faster than my eyes could follow. I ate mostly the vegetables, and he cut the steak up into pieces for me with a knife, probably too cautious to let me do it myself.

I barely tasted anything. I was lost in it, the smells, the sensation of something coating my tongue other than bile. I was nearly finished before I remembered where I was, that someone sat across from me.

I had already broken a golden rule: never eat first. Always wait for your Owner to eat unless he says otherwise.

But Master Lyon stared at me with an emotion I couldn’t place. His arms were still over his chest, head cocked to one side as he took in the display in front of him. I wiped a trail of juice from my chin, mindful to at least use the cloth napkin.

Back at the Compound, such lack of manners would earn me a beating. “I-I’m sorry, sir.”

“How long have they been starving you?” he asked, indifferent.

I swallowed the half-chewed food in my mouth. I was overjoyed that he didn’t seem to care that I had committed such a crime as eating without his permission. “What day is it, sir?”

Master Lyon paused for a moment as if it hadn’t occurred to him that I wouldn’t know. His world was so much different than mine. He had freedoms and abilities I reserved for dreams; things I never had and only saw on the few movies and TV shows I glimpsed here and there. “It’s Thursday,” he answered.

Thursday. Swan’s birthday was on Tuesday—she had pounded it into everyone’s heads with her cheery, annoying voice. In the Mainworld, she would have been cute. In mine, she was another lost soul. A loud one that set my nerves on edge. “Tuesday,” I said.

Master Lyon blinked a few times, resting his hands on the table as he thought. “What was the last thing you ate?”

My mind flashed back to the sugary pink icing I thought was worth the starvation at the time. “Cake.”

His lip twitched with a fought smile. “It was someone’s birthday.”

I nodded.

“And you do not get such privileges,” he said. “Being the girl you are.”

I set down my fork, taking longer than needed to wipe my already clean mouth. “No, sir, I do not.” I made a point to look him in the eye as I spoke this time, unwavering and searing into him.

Whether it was my eye contact or my statement, I wasn’t sure, but he smiled and slid his mostly untouched plate over to me. “I knew you were a bit underweight.”

I couldn’t believe he was giving me his food and though I wanted to question it, I wasn’t about to act ungrateful for something I didn’t think I would have this morning.

“Thank you, sir.” I looked into his eyes again, finding a kindness there I hadn’t seen before.

No. I wouldn’t let myself think he was kind. He couldn’t be. Normal people didn’t buy women. Kind people weren’t in the Order. This was all part of the game. The players constantly changed and the rules slightly differed, but the way I maneuvered around these variables didn’t. He wanted me to think he was being nice so it crushed me that much more when he showed his true self.

But for now, I had food. I would allow him to think I believed him if it took away the emptiness in my stomach.

I am so, so, so beyond happy to be back to releasing books for you guys! See you again on February 28 for some more Bloom goodness, giveaways, and the story behind the story!

I first released Sunshine, my first ever endeavor into self-publishing, on January 26, 2013. Before that, I had tried to get it traditionally published and "failed". It's been a long journey and Sophie and Myles have never left me. I feel like your first book, in many ways, is a lot like your first love. You never forget them--the good and bad--and you learn a lot of what you want in a relationship (book) once it's over (published). 

Today, I published my eighth book. In five years, I have self-published eight books. It's a pretty surreal feeling to say the least.  

When I first started out, I had a very different idea about publishing than I do now. Mainly, the thing I've learned is that you don't have to ask anyone to make your book available to readers who want it. And this book in particular, is a book I think readers want.

Sunshine was by far the book that sold the most copies over these five years. Despite its issues, that it was my first book and I'm a better writer now than I was then, and the errors I made along the way. People are connected to the characters as much as I am.

So when I started to write this story from Myles' point of view, it flew off the page from word one. He wanted to tell his story. He wanted people to know what he was doing and why. He's made mistakes just like all of us, and I think he wanted to make me write this book so readers would see he's not just a character, but human like them.

Enter The Giveaway Here!


Join The Release Party for MORE Prizes!

Anyway, I just wanted to write a quick post thanking you all for sticking with me.

It's been an amazing five years, full of ups, downs, and twisty turns that at times made me so sick that I wondered why I was on this ride at all. But it's all been worth it and more rewarding than any other experiences in my life. I have all of you readers to thank for that. Thank you for hopping on the ride with me and holding my hand when things get scary and screaming with me when things are exciting. I truly hope you enjoy Myles' side of the first book in The Sunshine Series and fall in love with him even more like I did. Please share and leave reviews if you like it! They help authors so much!

Buy The Book Here!


Add to Your TBR!


Listen to My Podcast Interview Here!

Anyway, I just wanted to write a quick post thanking you all for sticking with me.

It's been an amazing five years, full of ups, downs, and twisty turns that at times made me so sick that I wondered why I was on this ride at all. But it's all been worth it and more rewarding than any other experiences in my life. I have all of you readers to thank for that. Thank you for hopping on the ride with me and holding my hand when things get scary and screaming with me when things are exciting. I truly hope you enjoy Myles' side of the first book in The Sunshine Series and fall in love with him even more like I did. Please share and leave reviews if you like it! They help authors so much!

 

I’ve been writing paranormal romance for over five years, but I’ve been a life-long lover of all things spooky, paranormal, and strange. My nana and I shared this love, watching A Haunting and Unsolved Mysteries and Sylvia Brown on the Montel show. In our family, there are and have been many “sensitive” or psychic people, and both of us had experienced odd things that we could only explain as paranormal, so it was logical (at least to us lol) to absorb it all. It was something we bonded over and always talked about, so I feel like some small part of me kept up with the research of strange theories and creatures for nostalgia sake, but I mostly just love freaking myself out. Throughout my research and general interest in all things strange, I’ve come across some really interesting things. Here are only five!

1. Selkies

 

 

 

These are in the same realm as mermaids, only way creepier and without the singing undersea creatures. From Irish/Scottish folklore, these creatures are said to look very beautiful and seductive in their human forms. Most of the time, humans fall in love with them and wake to find them gone—their one true love is the sea. And here’s the kicker: they turn into seals in order to return to the sea. Yeah. You fell in love with a seal.

 

I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say that these aren’t real (bummer) but never say never when there’s paranormal business afoot. However, in my search for any selkie experiencers, I only found a letter written to the Times in 1809 where a man in Scotland said they’d seen a mermaid. Really, all of these “sightings” are described as mermaids, which I’m not totally convinced don’t exist (because c’mon!).

2. The Dybbuk Box

This is something The Shadow & Ink Series centers around and I was shocked to hear that not many people know about it. It’s actually a wine box that’s haunted by an evil spirit that can possess the living. It got its popularity when a guy posted the box on ebay, telling buyers all of the strange occurrences that had happened to him since buying the box from a Polish Holocaust survivor.

It was sealed with wax and when he pried it open, inside were two 1920s pennies, a lock of blonde hair, a lock of brown hair, a small statue engraved with the word “Shalom”, a small wine goblet, a single rose bud, and a candle holder with four octopus shaped legs. Among the strange things that happened to him after opening the box are: his mother having a stroke, nightmares involving an old hag (we’ll get to her in a minute), strange smells including cat urine and jasmine, hives, coughing up blood, and his hair falling out. Eventually, a museum director bought it from the first man and consulted with Rabbis in order to seal up the box again and then he hid it somewhere no one could find it.

3. Old Hag Syndrome

Also known as “the night hag”, this phenomenon has been recorded throughout different folklore and cultures for centuries. It’s closely tied to sleep paralysis (which I have: basically your brain wakes up before your body so you are aware of what’s going on around you and can even open your eyes and look around, but you can’t move).

People say they experience someone sitting on their chest or in the room with them, often appearing as shadows or hags: old women with long white hair. Whether this is truly paranormal or just elaborate hallucinations is the subject of much debate within the paranormal and scientific communities, but either way it sounds terrifying.

 

  4.  Mothman

 Mothman is probably one of the most popular (I mean, there’s a movie and a documentary on Netflix about him), yet still little known paranormal creature. This creature, for whatever reason, has a special place in my heart and I’ve always planned to write a story about him. He was seen from November 15, 1966 to December 15, 1967 in Point Pleasant, West Virginia.

He was reported as a huge, bird-like creature with red eyes. People who saw him reported weird sounds, their cars stalling, and weirdest of all, rashes around their eyes as if they had been burned. The largest sighting of Mothman occurred on December 15, 1967, when the Silver Bridge collapsed, killing 46 people.

There are a TON of other creepy things surrounding this mysterious figure (such as Men in Black, strange apparitions, people disappearing, and even UFOs), but I think the most disturbing is that after the collapse of the bridge, he was never seen again except for some small claims.

 

  5. Hat Man

I actually have a personal story about Hat Man and you can actually watch me talk about it HERE.

Related to shadow people, hat man appears in silhouette, often at night or on the edge of your bed. Some people report that they can only see a wide smile, while others can’t find any distinction in the body or face. However, he is always wearing a wide brimmed hat, watching.

There are many theories as to what this figure could be. Some think he is a demon, others think he’s an omen of death, and some think he is somehow related to aliens. Shadow people are more widely known, sometimes paired with sleep paralysis and sometimes only seen in waking hours out of the corner of your eye. Some think shadow people are evil while others talk about how they had positive experiences with them, that they may only be lost spirits, but every person unlucky enough to encounter the hat man say that he has an ominous presence.

 

 

So how do you like the new creepy post series? Anything you want me to talk about/research? Let me know!

If you follow me on social media of any kind, you might have noticed how I’ve gone a bit quiet and that I’ve been having a bit of a rough time. Not the worst, but just rough. I figured I’d lay it all out stream-of-consciousness style for you to read or ignore or whatever. My brain’s a bit foggy so forgive me if it’s not my best work.

I should start off by saying that while this post may seem a bit dark, I’m okay, happy, and just a bit sick right now, which will affect my book releases; that’s what I’m trying to say, even if I go off somewhere. Nevertheless, I hope you follow along with me as I just blow through these lines without deleting much of anything besides typos.

For you to truly understand where I’m coming from, I feel it’s important you know a bit about my medical history. It is by no means as awful as it could be, but it’s still relevant to why I’m writing this now.

Ever since I was a little kid (around second grade or so), I’ve had some form of illness preventing me from doing things I enjoy—or hell, things anyone does like socialize, go to school, be with friends, read, write, watch TV, and the list stretches on to infinity.

At first it was anxiety.

I remember dissociating as early as third grade during story time. I sat at the back of the room on the carpet, convinced I was dreaming, that I did not belong in my body, that I wasn’t real, and had my first panic attack in front of 20 other kids who had no idea what was going on any more than I did. I remember rushing to the girls’ bathroom , just needing to be alone with these horrifying thoughts, and my teacher at the time (I remember her name, but I won’t mention it) ran in after me, shaking me by the shoulders demanding what was wrong, screaming into my face and telling me I couldn’t just leave class.

I missed school from the middle of fourth grade to the beginning of fifth grade trying to figure out what was wrong with me, going to countless doctors, specialists, herbalists, and physiologists before I was diagnosed with the mental illness that has plagued every female (and some males) in my family as far as I can trace.

Then in sixth grade, I became completely bed-ridden from debilitating headaches. I was put on homebound and my teachers came to see me three times a week, and I would cry at the thought of having to sit upright, of having to think with all the pain filling my head. More doctors, more questions that remained unanswered. This amped up my anxiety and I believe was a contributing factor in building my depression, this isolation and not knowing what was wrong. If I saw a commercial on TV for pills to treat anything I was convinced I had that illness, whether it be benign or terminal.

It turned out to be severe allergies, for which I had to get shots once a week for around two or three years.

Then I had a blissful reprieve until I broke my leg in eighth grade, resulting in a year and a half of more homebound, more isolation, anxiety, depression, two surgeries, and the first draft of Sunshine.

Throughout college, I had bouts of depression and crippling anxiety, but I forced myself out of it most times, convinced that if I kept moving, I could avoid it.

Then my dad died and it opened my eyes to a lot of things, one being that I was not as strong as I’d made myself believe, and that while that was okay, it had gone on for far too long. So I got put on medication and was fine for around four years.

Then came weight gain (50 pounds of it) without any change to my mostly vegetarian, plant based diet. Antidepressants fuck with your metabolism, so while I was more or less healthy, I was gaining weight and unable to lose it no matter how much I exercised.

I’m not a vain person, but when you look in the mirror or try on clothes and don’t recognize what you see, it really screws with you. Suddenly, I was back in third grade, questioning if I belonged in this body, if when I looked in the mirror the face staring back was mine.

So I switched to a medication for a month, had awful side effects, and switched again, adjusting dose after dose until I leveled out.

When the only insurance you can afford is through the state, there aren’t many doctors that will see you. In my area, there are so few that you’re convinced they don’t even exist and you resign yourself to suffering through viruses and forgoing treatment when you need it. However, I needed a refill of my medication—the thing that kept me more or less normal and functioning—and when my old doctor informed me that they wouldn’t do it without an appointment (that my insurance now would not cover), I was desperate and I found a different one.

This man was a predator in doctor’s clothes. Someone who spoke little English and used it to his advantage to remove my clothing himself and “examine” me when all I had come there for was a refill. This led to a bunch of legal stuff and I’m unsure if I’ll ever know the outcome. I can only hope he isn’t in a position to do the same to someone else.

Anyway, all of these things combined brought the depression back, and I was in a hole for three months where I barely worked, didn’t write, and mostly kept to myself. Even with the aid of a new doctor I trusted and a new dosage that usually worked, too much damage had been done.

This post has nothing to do with excuses, just causes.  I’ve never been one to use being sick, especially where my mental illness is concerned, as a crutch. I never say “I can’t do this because of XYZ”. Instead, I find myself more so saying things like “I want to do this but XYZ is making it difficult/impossible”. These are facts, not giving up, not failing. Just truths that once I come to terms with them, once I’ve tried every angle and still can’t find a way around the issue, force me to look at the situation for what it is and accept it. There isn’t anything saying that these obstacles are permanent, that I won’t be able to DO THE THING eventually, but sometimes, it’s unavoidable to put things on the back burner, and that’s okay.

Inwardly I’ve always been “sensitive” or “susceptible” while outwardly being “strong” and “impenetrable”—again, always moving so the things that bother me can’t have a chance to catch up. It’s always been my way of coping, and I’ve only recently come to terms with this part of myself. I never want people to feel bad for me, to pity my life, to judge me based on things out of my control. My message has always been to be as transparent as possible in order to connect and help others going through similar experiences.

Now, just in the past week, I’ve been having migraines unlike any I’ve had before. It could be from stress, could be from getting older, but bottom line is they’re crippling. Thursday I was blindsided—quite literally. I couldn’t see, I couldn’t move, and any noise or light was excruciating. Then in the days after, I suffered from residual headaches, muscle aches, extreme fatigue, and, you guessed it: anxiety and depression. 

I just went to the doctor yesterday and they’ve prescribed me something for if it happens again, but it’s really knocked me off my feet, made me question what I’m doing, how many angles I’ve tried to overcome certain obstacles, and how I’m spending with my time and energy. How much of it is spent working and hustling and how much is spent actually taking care of myself?

It doesn’t take a genius to guess the percentages.

So what does this all mean? Dunno. It means I’ve got another obstacle, but by now I’m pretty prepared for some illness wreaking havoc in my life. It’s been the rhythm of my existence and I’m okay with it as long as there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. It makes things harder and slower, but all things considered, I’m happier than I’ve ever been. Instead of a tunnel, life right now is more like…a tunnel with holes in it? Instead of one point of light, there are multiple holes showing me the outside world, what I’d be missing if I withdrew into myself right now or ignored how I felt by pushing through things as usual. There is the end goal of being better at the end, but little goals and milestones along the way that get me by. It’s much better than just the tunnel. More realistic. More attainable.

Al and I are buying a house, which we should be moving into next month. My little sister is getting married, and I’m one of her maids of honor and I’m so excited to be there on that day, and it’s fall, my favorite season of the year.

Things are changing. The leaves are dying to make way for winter, then the growth of new life. The cycle goes on and on; death and rebirth.

Today, I decided to change too. I’m not going to be pushing myself as hard, and at the same time I will try my hardest not to scold myself for not doing enough when there are 10,000 words and 10 clients that say otherwise.  I’m going to do what is necessary to take care of myself, mentally and physically. I want to experience things without the fog of pain or the pressure to recover before I’m ready.

At the beginning of this year, I hit the ground running and planned out all of my releases and writing goals. It had been my aim to release a novel once a month for the remaining three months of the year (October, November, December). However, taking two years off has taken its toll on my ability (in my opinion) and, though it seems dumb, relevance in the indie community. Indie authors put out books at a minimum three or four times a year. Anything less and people are said to lose interest, and I guessed I was above that—or at least convinced myself as much when I needed to step away.

I don’t want to struggle anymore to find a voice, to reach readers. I’m tired of screaming into the void and hoping something echoes back at me. I think any artist feels this way from time to time, and being sick and not at the top of my game only amplifies this.  I want genuine connections and feedback, not just numbers to add to reviews and page turns on Amazon. All of this takes time, and I’ve come to the realization that for a while, I’ll be rebuilding an audience  to some extent.

See? Death. Rebirth.

Moonstruck will still be released by the end of October, since so many people are excited about it and it’s nearly done (I was just at the last two chapters before this whole migraine thing happened). It’s been five years since the release of my first book, and it’s important that this one be set loose into the world on Sophie’s birthday.  

However, I don’t want to push too hard. I don’t want to make myself sicker or less able to do my job and tell my stories to the best of my abilities, and I know that keeping such a tight schedule is hindering these things. So, for now, my releases are going to be a little more spaced out. Not by much, but more than I was planning.

Bloom is getting pushed back to December as of now, and possibly more if I need more time gathering interest for it since it’s a really important shift for me and now more than ever I want a book to do well. Other releases I’ll probably announce closer to when they’re being completed.

It’s incredibly difficult to admit defeat, especially when writing is my life, the thing that gets me out of bed, the thing that has helped me cope with all the issues I’ve outlined and more. I don’t want to be a failure, a disappointment, a lazy writer. But I can’t run myself into the ground either. I can’t force words out of my hands any more than I can force these migraines to leave my skull, the dark cloud to disappear by turning on a light, the anxiety to vanish with one look under the bed. I can’t pretend everything is fine when I’m floundering.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m still writing—more than ever before—but for now I’m choosing to be more selective in when to share it all.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you. Not sure if any of this was coherent or even getting across what I set out to write, but hopefully something in here makes sense. Thanks for sticking with me.

As you probably already know, I've been diligently typing away during every spare moment I have to get MOONSTRUCK, Sunshine in Myles' perspective, all done and shiny and into an actual book. While I only have a few chapters left, I have a few rounds of edits in my future and then there's the whole promotion part of things...

So, as I usually forget about things like this until it's most likely too late, I've made up a sign up list for the cover reveal, blog tour, giveaway(s), and release day.  

You can also join the Facebook party over here!

Any one with a blog, who reviews books, and can help me spread the word on social media can sign up!

You can access the form HERE, and since you've been so patient, here are a few teasers to get you as PUMPED as me.