Sara Wolf's Blog

There are a few cardinal rules of the universe and one of them is this; the end is always a beginning. For instance when I end my dinner, that’s the beginning of dessert. When I end a relationship, that’s the beginning of my singlehood!

See? The theory remains sound!

This weekend I had the utmost pleasure of attending Apollycon, a 3-day long book convention for people who love romance books of all flavors. I met a lot of wonderful people who came up to my booth to talk about BRING ME THEIR HEARTS, or LOVE ME NEVER, and some who had even read the ARC of HEAVENBREAKER!

The author profession is one pursued alone. At the end of the day it’s only you and the manuscript that remain - irrespective of any agents, or editors, or readers. Being an author means being the only one who is truly intimate with the manuscript. You are it’s beginning and end.

So to see so many people gushing about how my books changed their lives…well. To say I went back to the hotel room and had a nice cry every night would not be incorrect. We usually don’t see the effect our long hours of toil have on other people, so to have evidence of how loved and appreciated my books were was nigh-overwhelming. Thank you.

HEAVENBREAKER is now officially 22 days from release. It’s taken three years and a lot of hard work to get to this point. Whatever happens, however big or small this book gets, I will always love it. It taught me so many things. I hope it brings you lessons, too, or at least a sparkle in your imagination.

The beginning; when I wrote the first sentence of HEAVENBREAKER on a sweaty August morning. The end; me currently writing this newsletter celebrating its imminent release. Time is a flat circle some say, but I like to think it’s an hourglass with us at the smallest center bit, all the sands rushing through us.

As promised, here is your final exclusive excerpt of HEAVENBREAKER! Next month it will be out!

Thank you again, and be well.

Sara

Hello dear reader. It’s me, your favorite author Sara Wolf. From now on I’ll be writing one newsletter every month. We’ll be talking about giant robots, anime, video games, baking, hot fictional men, etc. This post is public, but the rest will be e-mail only, so be sure to subscribe!

Today, let’s talk about HEAVENBREAKER.

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There are t-minus 58 days until HEAVENBREAKER is born.

When I made this newsletter 365 days ago, my hands were shaking. I had a hard time typing in this username and password, even.

Fear had me firmly in its grip.

HEAVENBREAKER was on submission to various publishing houses, and I truly didn’t know if it was going to sell or not. It’s an unspoken rule in publishing; Sci-fi doesn’t sell often, and sci-fi about giant robots even less. I had left my previous agent - who had little experience selling sci-fi - and found a new one all for this single book. I had upended my life for this book.

I was terrified. This was the greatest thing I’d ever written and if it died on submission my heart would break. A lot of my previous projects had died in similar ways. VALENBOUND, for instance, was super fun to write, but no one wanted to publish it in trad pub, and self-publishing it didn’t go very far. I couldn’t buy groceries with it, so I had to leave it behind. It was hard, but necessary for me to live. The internet is littered with the tombstones of my attempts.

I’m at that stage in my career where if something doesn’t work, I have to move on. Capitalism, and all that. Someday, when I’m much bigger, I’ll be able to work on whatever I want. But for now whatever beautiful project I dream up has to keep me alive, or I have to cut it off.

With HEAVENBREAKER….I simply refused to pick up the knife.

She was conceived during a year of solitude.

When the pandemic rolled around, I locked myself down in my house for an entire year. I owe that luxury to you, dear reader. Every time you buy my books I want you to imagine you’re directly hand-feeding me a scrap of bread or something, because it’s true. You kept me alive during the pandemic. Thank you.

But I’m getting off topic.

During the pandemic I made friends, and lost some. I made family, and lost some. I was furious. I was alone. I was confused. In my little cell of fury and helplessness, something in me crystallized. I was an oyster at the bottom of the ocean, sucking up all the bad things in the world and making a pearl out of them. I started writing about a girl who could punish the people I could not, because in this world, there is no punishment when you have money and power.

There is no denying a giant. And so I made giants.

I seated the story of HEAVENBREAKER in a giant robot, a weapon bigger than any we’ve ever made, and undeniable. (A giant robot is the extension of the human ego, but that’s a newsletter for another time.) She was born out of revenge. She is a spear, pointed at places I cannot reach in real life. As a professional author, I rarely get emotionally invested in my project’s successes or failures anymore - it’s too exhausting to fight the beatdown of the industry, and I’ve learned to save my energy that way. I simply keep my head down and shrug my shoulders and continue on.

But not this time.

I had something to prove. An old wolf, standing up to fight again.

The moment HEAVENBREAKER was born, I changed my life. For a year I was the sort of person a before and after life coach dreams of. I got up at 7 am everyday and exercised, ate a strict regimen of food that takes little time to cook, and sat down to write 2k words a day, every day. I finished writing her in 4 months, and took another 13 months to make her perfect. Some books you power through and muddle around, but this book refused to let me do that. I could see every scene like a movie. I knew when things had to happen, and where. It came hurtfully, but clean and true, like slipping and cutting your finger.

Okay okay okay. Enough dramatics.

My life has changed so much since my monastic cell in the pandemic. I fricked a giant robot, bruises and rust and all, and birthed something unique. Something medieval and sci-fi at the same time. Revenge is a tale as old as time, but every time reading it feels new. That is the distilled essence of this book.

As you might have guessed, HEAVENBREAKER didn’t fail. She soared. Now she’s being published in less than two months by Red Tower Books. They’ve given her a fantastic cover, and all the marketing in the world. I’ve never felt more supported or legitimized. I’ve been in this industry for ten years, and only now do I really feel like a real author.

And it’s thanks to her. To you, dear reader.

As a treat, I’ve included an exclusive excerpt from the book you can’t find ANYWHERE ELSE on the internet!

HEAVENBREAKER changed my life.

I hope she changes yours, too.

Thank you for reading, and I’ll see you in the next newsletter in April!

Thanks for reading Moondrinker! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

Welcome to Moondrinker, a newsletter where YA/SFF author Sara Wolf talks shop about book news! Or about hot fictional men. It depends on the day honestly.

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