R.K. Belford's Blog

I’ve been in a funk for the last month. Which is an extension of the funk I’ve been in for the last six months, which is an extension of the funk I’ve been in for the last few years.

I’m in pain.

This isn’t new, of course — pain started for me in my early 20s with my ulcerative colitis, increased with my diagnosis of ankylosing spondylitisin my late 20s, jumped higher still in my late 30s with the development of Crohn’s fistulas, pushed even higher in my 40s with degenerative disk disease in...

You can only bury your identity for so long. There will always be people around you who say that labels don’t matter, or that how people perceive you doesn’t matter, and while that certainly sounds sensible and logical, it kind of adds up to bullshit.

We all want to be seen for what and who we are. Even if what we are doesn’t conform to the package we might present with (especially if what we really are doesn’t conform with the package we present with), we still have a desire for people to se...

A very clever writer named Natalie Zina Walschots is putting together acollection of Polyamorous Fairytalesthat I’m pretty stoked about, and selfishly I’d like you to help support that projectso that I can read them (because happy poly fairies are awesome).

The project is in the pre-Kickstarter stage at the moment, with a super-cool Christmas sweater (and t-shirt… and sweatshirt) fundraiser. Now’s your chance to buy one of these original-design shirts (which feature four different triple-stag...

The Goodreads contest is over! I want to thank everyone for entering. In all, 435 people entered to win my cookbook, Compote Is My Jam, and 510 people entered to win my book of essays, I’Mmoral: Poems for Unrepentant Sinners and Free Thinkers.

Goodreads has selected the winners in both contests (again, to be clear, I have/had zero input in the selection of the winners), and I’m pleased to announce that Sharon in Kentucky has won the cookbook, and Shelby in Louisiana has won the book of essays...

Any person who is eventually diagnosed with a chronic illness (especially autoimmune disease) will have likely been first labelled a hypochondriac. The likelihood of that happening at least doubles if they are gendered female.

The medical profession has a long history of labelling women as emotionally labile and as unreliable reporters of their own symptoms.

HYSTERIA: A psychological disorder (not now regarded as a single definite condition) whose symptoms include conversion of psychological...

When you’re first diagnosed with a chronic illness, there is, quite understandably, a period of adjustment. There are the physical changes that are now an undeniable part of your life. There are treatments, doctors’ appointments and medications. You are likely to be more tired (if not thoroughly exhausted); whether it is from the side effects of medication or from the inevitable toll that illness takes on your body as it tries toheal itself. But perhaps the hardest adjustment is the mental pr...

aka. I HAVE PLANS
(p.s. This is only an example… it could really be anything at any given moment)

I am worried because I have plans for later today.

I am worried that something will come up and I willhave to cancelthose plans.

I am worried that maybe those plans already got cancelled and no one told me.

I am worried that maybe I got the day wrong and those plans aren’t today anyway.

I am worried that maybe I got the day right but it’s a prank and people are going to make me look foolish in so...

Twenty years ago, I reported a rape that didn’t happen.

There are very few people who know this story, and none with whom I could possibly share every detail. Part of that is simply because the more I explain what happened, the less it feels like an explanation and the more it feels like an excuse for something which is clearly inexcusable. I have spent more than twenty years wanting to speak out publicly about it—to out myself and lay myself bare—but have vacillated back and forth. I have de...

Becoming permanently disabled in my 40s was emotionally stunting. After all, when you retire before 50, what exactly are you supposed to do with the rest of your life? We all imagine that when we finally retire we will travel around the world, or study, or sit in coffee shops maligning scruffy teenagers, or do any number of fun things by choice. But the reality is that when that day finally comes, our bodies and abilities may not be so cooperative. Or worse, like myself, you may find yourself...

Managing your polyamorous relationships obviously becomesexponentially more complex with the more partners you have. Whether you believe in hierarchical relationships (primary, secondary, etc.) or not, there are still times when having to prioritize is inevitable. Everyone has times when they are a squeaky wheel, and as long as it is not part of a pattern of emotional manipulation, I think that’s completely reasonable. After all, if you add kids to the picture, or other situational stressors...