Lani Lenore's Blog

I’m pretty well-known for taking an occasional long hiatus, but I really thought I wasn’t coming back this time. Several times, I thought about writing a post just to say goodbye. I think I even wrote it out, but I never posted it.

I couldn’t commit then, and now in 2025, I’m over here with a full time career (unrelated to writing or books) and an almost 4 year old. Life goes on.

I thought Lani Lenore was gone. She was like another identity I took on when I didn’t want to be myself — didn’t like who I really was. I think I have come to a place where I am truly myself — truly Amanda.

And yet, the writing itch stirs again. Maybe I will never fully escape it.

I’m not sure it ever truly left. Sometimes I would write fanfiction for fun, but ideas beyond that have been few. And then I got to another place where I found my faith in God again and began to feel that my previous works were spreading things that weren’t what I wanted to give the world anymore.

So I unpublished everything.

I still have my faith, but lately I’ve begun to reconcile these two parts of myself. I republished most of my works again. And long story short, I have something new brewing. Actually I have a book almost done. And it’s not just one book.

It might just be the world I’ve been waiting for.

I’ve always wanted something sprawling that had limitless possibility for numerous books and a sweeping arc.

And so, I welcome you to the works of The Hollow Queen series.

Have a look if you’d like, to see what it’s all about and what I’m plotting.

https://thehollowqueen.wordpress.com/

I have not yet decided if I will continue to write under the name Lani Lenore, yet it’s at least somewhat established. Time will tell and we shall see, but those of you here will know.

That’s all I wanted to say for now! I may use this blog in the future for more personal things and use The Hollow Queen blog for specific info about that world.

I’m planning to release the first book in late 2025, and it’s a monster!

Anyway, I hope all your lives are going well, and that you haven’t stopped your own dreams. Or at least found new ones.

[image error]More and more, writers have new opportunities to publish/produce their own work, and I’m always interested in new forms. The thing that first drew me to the idea of making my books into audiobooks were thoughts about my own reading habits. I’m not able to read as much as I used to – as much as I would like. While I prefer to read the words myself instead of having someone read them to me,  I began to warm up to the idea of listening. I’d be able to enjoy a book while doing other things, driving in my car, or getting ready for work. And I know I’m not the only one who is at that point in their life. Plus, having my books in another format would be another step in the right direction.

I began to do some research on recording and found out that it could definitely be a costly process. To be done professionally – hiring an reader, the cost of studio time, or even if reading it myself in a studio would be expensive. I could go through ACX (Audiobook creation exchange through Audible, Amazon, and iTunes) and hope to find someone who was willing to work for cheap or take a royalty share. Maybe I’ll wind up doing that eventually for another work, but I’m in the business of trying things out for myself and doing things as cheaply as possible.

Could I record my own audiobook at home? I found out that I could. But should I?

Initially, I didn’t want to, but after exploring other options, I decided that this was the best way for me to start. Not only could I do it myself, but I would learn exactly how it works in case I wanted to work with someone else in the future. While I wasn’t willing to put my voice to just any one of my books, I did have one that I thought I could pull off. I decided that I would record my original gothic horror, The Needle’s Eye. First, I had to gather what I would need.

I had already purchased a mid-range microphone, a Snowball, for about $50. I purchased a pop filter for about $8. I already had a free audio recording program called Audacity (or if you have a Mac, you can use Garageband). The next thing that I needed was a silent place to work. Simple, right?

While I’d like to say that all I did after that was sit down and read my manuscript into the microphone, correcting myself when needed, and within a few days I had a great first recording, it didn’t happen that way. I spent the first week recording portions when I was able, just trying to figure out what I wanted it to sound like, what voice I wanted to use, how to edit using the software, how close I needed to be to the microphone, not loving how my voice sounded, and wondering why I had even decided to do this in the first place.

There was nothing quite as annoying to me than to record for 30 minutes, feeling I’d done a good job, then to listen and realize that I wasn’t close enough to the microphone, that my PC was roaring in a way that covered the entire track, or that the pop filter hadn’t quite kept all the pops away. (By ‘pop’ I mean the sound of breath that comes from letters like ‘p’ when it hits the microphone.)

I didn’t think it was going to be easy, but yet I didn’t think it was going to be so difficult. I would record in sections, and sometimes one file wouldn’t sound like another. I’d have to figure out why and do it again.I got pretty tired of reading the same sections over and over again.

But after a while, I began to get the hang of it. I learned what I wanted it to sound like. I knew what times of day were best for me to work, and I developed a process for how to edit the files.

Recording was easier after a bit, and it didn’t take me as long to go back and re-record a chapter I had already done.

Still, I cannot estimate how many hours I actually spent on this process. I started mid-April, took only a few breaks, but mostly worked on it every day, all the way to the end of August. I had to listen to it over and over again,

This is a very personal project, because not only is it my own book that I’m reading, but I am reading it myself. It is up close and personal all the way, and there is nothing to hide behind. I’ve beeen very vulnerable in this endeavor. Sometimes I feel confident and sometimes I feel anxious. I suppose only the outcome will tell me which I should be, but I have decided to not let my fear hold me back.

It was tiring, but I enjoyed it overall.

A few things I’ve learned:

-Your recording software is a friend. I don’t understand everything about what it can do, but it can limit sound and make your voice sound clearer and louder, even if the original recording is not.

-I listen closely to myself as I speak, and if I’m worried that something didn’t come out right, I immediately repeat the line once or twice, so hopefully I’ll have a good take in the same breath, so that I don’t have to record and plug a line later.

-It’s difficult to go back and re-record a line to insert into a certain section, and yet make it sound the same. There are more variations in my voice than I would like, and sometimes I newly spoken sentence doesn’t fit in.

-After recording a chapter, and length of the file is about twice as long as it will be after editing, because of mistakes during the recording. Then, to edit it down, it takes about 3x as long as the length of the audio. For instance, my initial recording is 30 minutes with mistakes, so once I edit it down, it will be 15 minutes, and it will probably take 1.5 hrs to edit it (once). And then I have to listen to it over and over to make sure it’s right and there are no weird sounds. So, a lot of work.

Want to know more about the actual process of setting up the audiobook? I chose to publish with ACX and Findaway Voices, but ACX requires you to sign on with them for 7 years. For an exclusive contract, you get a 40% royalty, or if you want to use your audio elsewhere, you can take 25%. I felt weird about signing away the audio rights for 7 years. What if I wanted to do something else with it? Since I did it myself, I didn’t have to worry about not making my money back or splitting it with someone else, so I decided to take the non-exclusive contract and also go with Findaway. I’ll just have to see how it plays out.

So far, I am way more impressed with Findaway’s system. I thought the site was easier to navigate and it seemed like less of a hassle all the way around. I’ve also heard that ACX is running way behind schedule on their approval of audiobooks, and I needed to have a little confidence that the book would actually release this month.

I had a little nightmare when I finally decided that everything was ready to upload. I started with ACX and began loading the files… and there were errors. I had a panic attack and thought ‘oh no! I have done all this work and I can’t even use it!’ But there was a solution, thankfully.  I had to encode the audio (I know nothing about this stuff, but I learned) and had to download a program called free:ac in order to convert the files properly. Once I had done that, everything was fine, but it scared me for a second!

I may update this post as I get more data, but for now, that’s what I’ve got.

At the end of it all, I can say that I’m already working on the audio for another one of my books, as well as having recorded Omri Koresh’s book, The Black City of Nuerva.

For now, the main things I know are that I’m proud of it, even if it doesn’t pay off, but I may have to reconsider the work effort if it doesn’t.

In case anyone missed what I’ve been posting on social media this month, I thought I’d write this to show off some of The Needle’s Eye artwork!

I posted the cover last week, and just recently I’ve posted an image of the portrait that is described in the book. So here we have the cover of the three sisters, and the portrait of the lord and his three sons!

Omri Koresh is so talented. I just can’t stop saying that. I’m in love with the cover, and the portrait is so amazing. If you look closely, you can see the brushstrokes and texture of the canvas!

I’m so excited to show off these images!

I’m still sharing something on social media every day this month in some form (whether here on the blog, on instagram, twitter, or facebook, and even Youtube!)

If you missed it as well, I also posted a video yesterday (audio only) of me reading ‘Polaris’ by HP Lovecraft. I recorded this because it was an inspiration for The Needle’s Eye. Check it out here: https://youtu.be/3vgqfkqqdWg

The Audiobook will also be available later this month, but is up for preorder on Googleplay only right now. It will be available through other retailers later this month.

The Needle’s Eye has a release date of September 30th!

Want to know a secret? (You can order the paperback right now!) Click here

Yes, the time has come, and everything has come together. After many months of work (starting mid-April and likely continuing through this month) the book is ready, the art is ready, and the audiobook is (finally) ready.

I am so excited about this project. It has been a long few months and many hours of work, but I’m so pleased with how it has all turned out. I am in love with the cover art that Omri Koresh created for me, and can’t wait to show it to you!

So throughout the month of September, I’m going to be teasing and celebrating The Needle’s Eye. Come to think of it, I believe I first published it in September four years ago, so this is fitting.

It’s autumn, we’re starting to think about Halloween, and this is a horror story. It couldn’t be a better fit.

The official release date for the book and audiobook is September 30. All versions should be available at that time. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for Audible, because I hear they are having delays, but we’ll see how that goes. I have temporarily unpublished the old version of the book for now, because I have had a few people buy the print version, and I’d hate for more to do that since the new one is coming so soon.

One thing I can say for sure is that the book won’t be a preorder this time, because the book has already been published previously. I will be updating the current book version, so the listing on Amazon will remain the same. If you already own the ebook version, you can simply update it to have the second edition.

Throughout the month of September, I’m going to be sharing teasers for the art (and then revealing the art), revealing the bonus material that will be included in the book, sharing snippets from the book and audiobook, and basically whatever else I want to say about it.

While I will likely write another blog post or two this month, I’ll be sharing most of the teasers on my social media, so be sure to follow me!

I’m on Facebook @Lani Lenore

On Instagram @authorlanilenore

On Twitter @misslenore

And be sure to subscribe to my mailing list if you haven’t! (and the blog)

Follow me on any one of these for all the teasers. Whether you have already read the book or not, you should enjoy it just the same. I’m not going to give away any major spoilers, just in case.

I hope you’ll join me for all the things I have planned this month! Maybe it’ll make this year a little better.

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Twlight’s Midnight Sun was recently released, coincidentally around the same time I’ve been working on the second edition of The Needle’s Eye. We meet again, Twilight… Love it or hate it, that’s up to you, but especially since I was working on a Needle’s Eye commentary, I was reminded that one reason I wrote The Needle’s Eye in the first place was because of Twilight.

Is that surprising? I wonder.

I discussed some of this in the upcoming commentary published in the second edition, but I was vague about it. I didn’t mention Twilight by name. I thought I might go into a bit more detail here. Maybe it makes for an interesting read.

This will be, as much as possible, spoiler free.

I wrote The Needle’s Eye somewhere around 2008-2009. At the time, Twilight was at it peak popularity, and I was personally annoyed by it. Part of that was probably jealousy, to see something so popular and wonder why I couldn’t have that, but I also had strict opinions about literature in my twenties, about what was good and what wasn’t, and sparkling vampires fell into the realm of ‘not’.

I just want to reiterate that I try not to hate on other works anymore. If I don’t like something, whatever, I’ll move on. If someone else wants to like it, that’s fine with me. We’re all entitled to our opinions and to like what we like.

For me, this dislike gave me an excuse to retaliate and create my own work of art.

There was one specific line that got my mind turning. I can’t quote it exactly. Maybe it was even on the back of the book. It was something like this:

“I knew two things. One was that Edward was a vampire. The second was that I was irrevocably in love with him.”

Okay, Bella. I see you.

So I said to myself ‘here is what I will do’. I was like the Grinch making plans. I decided that I would write something with that idea in mind, but I would write about men who were truly dangerous, and about girls who were infatuated with them anyway.

And so, that’s what I did. (The Needle’s Eye is not actually about vampires, by the way.)

If you’ve read The Needle’s Eye before, and wondered why I did what I did with the story, that’s why. It was to console my own dark mind.

Of course, if you haven’t read it and you’re curious to know exactly what I mean here, I hope you’ll check out the second edition or audiobook, out Sept 30!

As a reminder, I’m still posting something every day as the month rolls along, so be sure to follow me on all my social media to get all the teasers.

And just so you know, tomorrow is the cover reveal!

Friends! Lend me your ears! No really, I need your ears.

I’ve finally decided to get serious about turning my books into audiobooks, and after several years of being wishy-washy, I’ve decided to record them myself.

It has been a tough decision to make. In a way, I wanted to do it myself, but I struggled with the idea of it. There is something very personal about reading the words that I wrote, and it feels like it is not just my words that will be on trial, but my voice and everything else. And is my voice the right voice for the book? On the other side of things, it seems so expensive to hire someone to do it, and then I would be concerned whether they were reading it like I intend for it to be read.

I was looking into it again, and I came across an article that said just that: one benefit of the author reading it herself is that you get to hear the words and dialogue like they passed through the author’s mind. That convinced me.

So, I’ve set myself to work. I’ve decided to start with The Needle’s Eye.

There are a few reasons for this. It’s not as long as some of my other books, and I feel that the characters are manageable and limited.

And so, I’ve been recording A LOT recently. It’s been a little over a week, and I’m nearing the end of the book (but I still need to edit and re-record.) I’m happy with how quickly it’s going. It makes me believe I can get through this.

I tried to record The Needle’s Eye a couple of years ago, with real intentions to see it through. I had started recording, but the main reason I didn’t continue was because the computer I had at the time was so loud (the fan) and there was just too much noise in the recording. I tried to use an old laptop I had, but that thing was so slow and it didn’t work out.

Anyway, I’m back to it.

This is where you come in!

I’ve posted the first five chapters of The Needle’s Eye Audiobook on Soundcloud, and I’d love it if you would have a listen.

This is over 2 hours of audio, for your enjoyment (and scrutiny, I suppose).

If you do decide to give it a listen, there are a few specific things I’d like to know. There might still be a few blips in the audio, so it’s not finalized. I need to know if the pacing is good, if you can understand my voice clearly, and I’d like any constructive criticism about the overall quality of the recording.

This is a very personal thing for me, so be gentle.

I know I’m coming in late, and I don’t want to talk about it too much, but a lot of you are quarantining right now. Me? I’m actually still working full-time hours. I work in a hospital, but some of my coworkers are furloughed. In a way, I kind of wish I was stuck at home. Locking myself in my house is my favorite pastime.

Anyway!

I’m not one of those people itching to get back out in the world. I’m working, but work is slow, so I’ve been using this time to get my mind right so that I can do some creative work. So far, so good.

I’m due for an update here, so here goes.

I’m working on the next installment in the Mark of Thorn series: Book of Wolves. I’ve got about 25,000 words so far but the beginning is giving me issues, so I’ve been trying to fix it. Rewriting is always a pain.

Maybe you haven’t checked out The Mark of Thorn yet, but there are two books out already (there will be at least 5). I’ve always loved this one…I know I say that about a lot of my works, but this one began in what I consider my peak writing time – directly after The Nutcracker Bleeds. If I were to rank my works, this series would be near the top, possibly right under The Nutcracker Bleeds. Maybe under The Captor’s Redemption… But up there! Book of Beauty is definitely fantastic, and I plan to keep that up with the next book.

In other news, I did this a couple of years ago, and I’m doing it again. For one day only, my ebooks are on sale, most for .99, on Amazon only. Now, there are a few that aren’t. The series books and extended editions are not .99, but they are discounted. That means The Nutcracker Bleeds, The Captor’s Redemption, Nevermor, Dark Depths, so on…all .99. If you’re missing any of my works, now is a good time to get them…or get them as gifts for others.

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Many of you are probably spending this downtime reading, but I’d like to make another suggestion. I consider myself a gamer, and I’ve been playing some amazing visual novels/text games lately. I’ve played others in the past as well that have been exceptional. It’s like reading a book, but you can make choices and get really involved with your own character as well as other characters in the story. You can take on whatever personality you want. If there is romance involved, especially dark romance, I’m there! So, if you’re open to this, here are 5 visual novels (and 1 text game) that I really love and recommend.

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1. Demonheart

Ohh this game makes my black little heart tingle! Danger, obsession, lies, betrayal, manipulation: this game has it all.

You play a girl who gets thrown into circumstances beyond her control, which involves an unwelcome pact with a demonspawn and a transformation into an immortal demonheart. Throw in an evil, aggressive knight and a couple of ill-intentioned witches, and poor Bright doesn’t know who she can trust. Short answer: no one.

The best thing about this game is that it knows what you’re doing. The characters are smart, and can often see through you. They don’t trust you either. Watch what you say, or you might make an enemy…or find yourself with a knife in the back. One thing that surprised me is that they can tell when you are trying to manipulate them and will call you out on it, but it makes for an intellectual game of chess, and that was honestly more than I was expecting from a game like this.

There are three romance options: two males and one female. A hot-as-hell demonspawn, an evil knight, and a sweet little witch – but don’t get on her bad side. The protagonist is female only, but you can change her personality with your dialogue choices. (I went from ‘Good and Tactful’ to ‘Evil and Defiant’ pretty fast when shit started going down. But that’s just me.)

This game has suggestive content without actually containing sex, though there are plenty of references. I would have liked more of that personally, but I’ll take what I can get.

If you love bad guys, deception, manipulation, violence, and all that good stuff (I mean, if you’re here, how could you not?) then I cannot recommend this game enough. I’m currently playing it again!

You can get it on Steam or .itchio. I wish it was an app for mobile, but alas.

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2. Loren the Amazon Princess

This one is technically an RPG, so there are battles to fight, but once you beat the game once, you can turn on story mode and play as many times as you want just for the story.

The main plot of this game is your standard fantasy LotR style quest line. What really stands out is how you develop your character and build relationships with the other characters. The main thing here is the romance.

You can play as a human male or elf female, with different romance options for each. You can choose your own personality based on your dialogue choices.

There is some suggestive and sexual content in this game, which is a plus for me. You can romance one character of your choice through to the end, and this includes a racy image screen of your character and their romantic partner, along with descriptions of your romantic encounter. I’m all for it.

This game also offers LGBTQ+ romance options for some of the characters, which is pretty cool. (Definitely shipping Saren and Draco!)

I may or may not have over 100 hours in this game over the past couple of weeks… I just ‘finished’ this one. I may not be finished…

You can get it on steam, but also as a mobile app! The mobile app is censored though, but on steam you can toggle suggestive content.

Dark elf bae

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3. Amnesia: Memories

I played this game a few years ago, but it stuck with me. At the time, I had been playing a lot of otome games (yes, the regular kind) when I finally came across this game with a dark twist. It looks normal on the surface but once the story gets going, you get a sinister vibe.

I haven’t played it in a while, but the best I remember, it’s about a girl who dies and enters mirrored realities where she has no memory and a different love interest in each world. She’s pretty helpless, but you have to keep her safe and be careful of your choices, or something bad might happen to her.

To get the full effect of the game, you have to play all the character scenarios that eventually come together to form the whole story. Some of the character paths are pretty normal with just a few questionable happenings. But some are…surprising.

One of the characters creeps me out, (I lovingly call him ‘crazy eyes’) but more than one of them is mental. Several of these relationships are toxic. They all seem so normal at first…

If you can stomach the anime vibe, this game is fantastic. Highly recommend.

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4. Danganronpa (all of them, especially V3)

There are 3 Danganronpa games and all have the same premise. A group of high school students are secluded and forced to play a dangerous game where they must kill each other. But they can’t get caught. The murderers have to be clever, and if they are found guilty in a class trial, they are executed.

But there is more to the story than this. You never know what to think about what is really going on.

Danganronpa is very anime and a little silly sometimes (to me) but I can overlook that stuff to get down to what makes the game truly great: the murder mysteries and the class trials.

The characters are always wild and I’d say they are the heart of what makes these games great. You make friendships and when it comes class trial time, it’s likely your heart will be twisted as you try to figure out whodunit. True emotional rollercoaster.

There is not a lot of romance in this game but there are a lot of crude references.

Murder mystery investigation and courtroom debates. And the music!

These games are so good. Trust me.

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5. Doki Doki Literature Club

This one is in the vein of Amnesia: Memories, but it’s even creepier. This one is actually a horror game. On the surface, it seems like a normal otome dating sim, but takes all this to an even deeper level.

In this game, you play a male protagonist who is in a high school club with several cute girls, and you have to choose which one to pursue. Each one has a different, um, issue.

There is a bit of suggestive content, but no sexual content in this game. It’s mostly just flirty, but ohhh there is violence. This game likely needs a trigger warning for some people…I kind of feel like trigger warnings are spoilers, but I know they serve a purpose.

I loved playing this game. This game, like Demonheart…it knows.

Just play it. Just play it. Just play it.

Just Monica

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Bonus: Affairs of the Court: Choice of Romance (text game)

I got this game as an app a while ago, and it had me pretty obsessed for a while. The reading is short and you have to use your own imagination, but the choices are many. There are so many different paths.

I got my character to a place of power through manipulation, only to realize that I suddenly had a lot of people who wanted me dead. I began to grow nervous with every choice I made! Eventually, I was killed… but it was a fun time.

Suggestive content in this one as well, but I don’t think it’s too graphically written.

This one is available as a mobile app, and it’s worth a play through.

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So, that’s my list. I thought this was something a bit different that I could post about. Maybe you’ll even check some of these out.

Text games…visual novels… I really do love them. I’d love to make my own. I’ve always thought The Needle’s Eye would make a good game.

Perhaps you’ve noticed that I haven’t been around in a while. Maybe you haven’t noticed, but either way, it has been almost a year since I’ve posted anything, and it has been over a year since I’ve released a book.

I had to take some time away from writing. I actually haven’t written anything at all for a year. (That’s me sitting at my computer putting words down, or even brainstorming for ideas.) Back in last February and March, I was reading over one of my works, but wound up abandoning it for the time. This was followed by completely removing myself from social media one by one. I didn’t check Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or Goodreads at all. I don’t think I read anything either. Honestly, I didn’t want to think about or look at books. I felt like I really might be done.

I needed some time to get things into perspective. Writing and publishing and self-promotion were really weighing me down. I was becoming so focused on the process that the writing itself had taken on the form of a burden. I had become obsessed with sales and reviews, and it stressed me out.

So what has come from all this?

My mental health has vastly improved. I’m happier, more positive, and I haven’t been depressed for no reason. That’s truly a blessing. I haven’t thought about writing or stressed about it. I haven’t felt badly toward others who were more successful than me (which has always been a problem, especially if I didn’t care for their work). I haven’t felt like a failure. I’ve been living my life and I’ve created non-writing goals for myself. These are good things. I feel that I have really grown as a person this year. It was a rough year in some ways, but I made it through.

The best thing that I’ve gotten out of this is that I’ve distanced myself enough that I’m finally ready to write again just for the enjoyment of it, which is how it should be in the first place.

So! With that said, I’m releasing The Mark of Thorn: Book of Beauty (book 2) on February 11, 2020. It is already available for preorder on Amazon, here.

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I’m going to continue with the Mark of Thorn saga because I want to. I finally feel the love for it again. I feel that I have come back into my own, and I can go forward with Mark of Thorn Book 3 with confidence. I’m not going to give myself a time limit except that I want to finish it this year. I’m going to write it for writing’s sake – like I used to. I’m going to rewrite it as many times I as need to for it to be a great product, and then I’m going to release it.

I still might not be on social media very much. I may not post very often while I’m writing. I want to love the art of it, the wordsmithing and the tale-weaving, so this is what I have set myself to do. You will definitely know when my next book is ready.

I hope that in the meantime you will continue to enjoy the works I have already released.

So in my last post, I was talking about how I was on a break from writing and how I wasn’t sure what the future holds for me. It has been two weeks since that post, and I’ve done a lot of thinking and soul-searching in that time.

I’m pleased to say I’m in a better place. I’ve made a few decisions and set some goals (both writing and non-writing goals) so I don’t feel as conflicted as I was.

The conclusions that I’ve reached are these:

1.) I still need to be practical in my life decisions and not disregard the security of my future.

2.) I still need writing in my life.

They have to go together. There is no other option.

So now I have to find that much-needed balance. I know I’ve talked about this before, but it’s something that I constantly struggle with. The struggle continues but change has not happened, so the answer is that change must happen.

The change is downsizing my life and that has begun! It may take a while but I think I can eventually find myself in a place I want to be in. The most important thing is that I’ve decided to change, and of course, that I won’t stop writing.

I mentioned that something personal happened to me early this year and I’ve debated on whether I wanted to talk about it. Suffice it to say that it was an event that happens to a lot of women, but it was enough to put many things into perspective for me. I was very happy and then very sad… (you get it). But it made me realize that some things had to change and they had to change immediately.

Even so… I like to think in the VERY long-term, so I need to plan for a better future. I  don’t want to look back when I’m old and have accomplished nothing. I’m a problem-solver by nature and I can figure this out.

That’s it! Onward!

This picture makes the cover look lighter and a bit blurry, but it’s actually not. The sunlight washed it out and I had to adjust it a little. It actually looks more like it appears in the digital image.

As you can see, one thing I managed to do was get Mark of Thorn: Book of Scars into print. I admit, it felt good to do that. I have reviewed a copy and once again it is great to have something I wrote bound and ready for my shelf alongside the others. I mentioned before that Createspace was joining with Amazon, but the print copy still looks just as good, and it’s slightly less of a hassle to set up, which is nice for us writers.

I’m also in the process of reading it again myself so that I can get back in the groove to work on Book of Beauty, the next in the series. I’m hoping to have it finished and ready to go by this November. I know that’s a pretty big gap, but as of right now, a year apart might be all I can do.

We’ll just have to see how life goes.

Hopefully things will continue to get better. I’m working on myself and trying to get back to a better place. Everyone hits rough times, but I need to press through. I’ll keep you updated on further progress.

Originally, this post was a bit of a downer. I wrote it a while ago and then couldn’t bring myself to post it. I think I’m in a slightly better place now.

I haven’t been around in a bit, I know, but something truly strange has happened to me. The end of the year was pretty bleak, and the beginning of this year has not been great for personal reasons. Honestly, when I think about explaining my absence…I find that I can’t do a very good job of it.

I guess I’ll start by saying that The Mark of Thorn: Book of Scars is now available in ebook form. It’s still not set up for print, but I’m trying to get that done even as I write this. I’ve not been motivated to do this or anything else lately. The book released in early November and I haven’t said a word about it.

I almost cancelled it.

There are several reasons for this. A few months ago, I mentioned that I took a new job, and I feel like this job is all I’ve been doing. I don’t think I’ve written a word since September. But it’s not because I don’t have time. It’s…strange. Even before that, I was feeling distant from my writer persona, and already wondered if launching a 5 book series was the right thing to do, even as I wondered if I would have the motivation to continue it. I still wonder if it was a mistake.

I’ve been absent from writing and publishing and social media. Oddly, I don’t even feel depressed about it. I’m not really sure what has happened to me.

I went through a bit of an evolution this past year. I knew I needed to make some changes in my life. The distant future seemed not so distant anymore. I left a job in May and took 3 months off, trying to focus on my writing before I realized I needed to go back to work. I got a new job and I like it pretty well. I haven’t even thought about writing since. My mind is consumed by other things: finance, retirement, career, family. I find that I rely on others for escapism storytelling instead of my own mind. I’d rather play a game – or even worse, watch someone else play a game that my brain isn’t actively involved in.

I’m afraid I’ve gone and pulled a Wendy. That’s right… I regret to say that I think I’ve grown up. All of a sudden I’m sensible, and the dream of making it as a writer feels more like a delusion of the past.

For a long time, I’ve tried to hold onto my imagination and the daydreamer part of me, knowing that if I ever let it go and became consumed with the real world, I would lose it completely. I’m not sure if that’s what’s happened, but I feel different now. I feel…more like a person I didn’t know I was. I think I’m happier…well, aside from recent events…but I’m not sure what I am. (?) I know I’ve grown as a person, especially as far as my social anxiety goes, and I don’t feel as anxious or depressed as I have in the past. I think this comes from actually being more involved in the world instead of being lost to a story and a dream all the time.

Recently, even the name Lani Lenore doesn’t feel right anymore. I’ve thought, even if I continue writing, that I might change my name. But that presents more problems. I want to be me. I want to know who I am instead of trying to be two people. And letting go of it completely doesn’t really bother me like it should.

I guess I’m just saying that I don’t know what’s going to happen – with me or my writing or my life. I’ve been absent and I wanted to let you know why. Maybe I needed to back up and rethink things.

I wish I could come back with something more positive and upbeat in order to say that I’m still here and working on something new, but that’s not the case right now. Maybe it will be again soon. For now, all I can say is that I don’t have a plan for a publishing schedule anymore, but I am going to try to get back into Mark of Thorn at least enough to edit Book of Beauty, and hopefully that will lead me to finish the next one.

I need to do something different, and I just know that things haven’t been working out for me.

I feel bad for letting people down, and maybe I really am just depressed right now because of other things, but what I’ve been feeling for the past five months has been more of the same.

I don’t want to discourage others from going for their dreams, but for now, my own feels far away. Perhaps I’ll find myself again soon.

I don’t know when Mark of Thorn: Book of Beauty will appear, but I’m certain that it will show itself eventually. I want to also get Book of Scars into print soonish, if nothing else. I have the full cover in the works and have finished the layout, so it’s just a matter of time.

Thank you again to all of you who continue to support me. I know it’s disappointing to hear some of this. Writing has been so important to me for a long time, but it’s so much work for such a small payoff, and right now it’s difficult for me to make sense of it.

I’ll be back when I have more (and hopefully better) news.