Mary Potter Kenyon's Blog

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“Save the baby.”

Those could have been the last words I spoke thirty-one years ago when my son Matthew was born by emergency cesarean section due to placenta abruptio, when the placenta detaches from the uterus prematurely. I’d been walking the hospital hallway in active labor, when I suddenly experienced a sharp pain that felt so different, I knew something was wrong. I must have started hemorrhaging right then but took time to grab the phone on the wall and call my mother to ask for prayer.

I still remember the look of horror on the nurse’s face when she glanced down after helping me up on the bed. Everything happened so fast after that; her running to the door, calling out for the doctor. His face turning white, frantic orders for an ambulance because the hospital had no surgeon on staff. I’d have to be transported for surgery. A surgeon visiting his patient that afternoon heard the commotion and stepped into the room. With one look at me, he said “I’m Dr. Anthony. I’ll do the surgery.” Did he help push the bed down the hallway to the operating room or was he walking alongside it? All I remember is the chill of the operating room, and my eyes meeting his. “Save the baby,” I pleaded, willing him to understand that if he had to choose, he would choose the baby. I could feel the first cut of the knife before I went under.

Save the baby.

My doctor would later say it had been the closest he’d ever come to losing a mother and baby and he didn’t want to think about what would have happened in the ambulance if Dr. Anthony hadn’t been walking down the hallway at that crucial moment. I believe my mother’s urgent prayers had something to do with that.

I cannot face my son’s birthdate without being reminded of how close I came to death on that day. How close we came to losing him. I never take the gift of my son for granted, or the tremendous blessing of each of my eight children.

Two years ago on this date, nearly thirty years after that traumatic delivery, I faced a surgery that would remove the uterus that had seemingly betrayed me in 1993. The same uterus that carried three more babies after Matthew Anthony’s birth now held cancer.

Dr. Anthony was able to save both me and my baby, which I am extremely grateful for. Ultimately, he didn’t have to choose one life over another. Still, I don’t regret my words in the least. “Save the baby.” It was motherly instinct to put my child first. I would say the same words today.

“Save the baby.” Doesn’t that seem a natural response from any adult, female or male, to instinctively protect the most vulnerable of human beings?

Which begs the question: What kind of world do we live in where the natural instinct to protect the smallest and most vulnerable human beings now has become a political battleground?

It’s no secret in this election that one party is running rampant on a platform of reproductive rights and a woman’s right to control her own body. That much is blatantly clear. What’s not so clear is how we got to the point of ignoring that there are TWO bodies to consider in the abortion issue. Or, when we do acknowledge the biological reality of a human being growing inside the woman, how did we decide one life has more value than another? How did we get to that point?

This is not a religious issue. It’s a moral and ethical one. It’s much too easy to dismiss issues and ideas when one rationalizes that they are simply a religious belief that must not be forced upon others. I know more than most on the topic of abortion. I’ve been studying the issue since I was thirteen. I’ve done the research, studied the laws, followed the personal and political stories, and read the survey results of women obtaining abortions. I know the campaign rhetoric doesn’t match the reality. No, this isn’t a religious issue though it should be a concern to any Christ follower. The Bible is clear on the value of every human life and protection of the innocent.

Abortion is a human rights issue. One of the humans just happens to be smaller, and inside the other.

And unwanted.

My lament today is the same as it was in 1973. If only I could save the babies…I would.

Nick and I are nearly done working on Soul Mates: Path to a Praying Partnership, a book I knew would happen, from the moment I held his hands to pray with him on July 11, 2021.

How could I know? I’d basically stopped writing on the day we’d met, some three days before that, at least when it came to blogging (obviously) and writing for publication. I did journal. I’ve actually filled ten journals in the three years since I met Nick.

But writing for publication? I was too busy reveling in love to do any writing. Still, I knew we’d write a book together because God had told me. When I’d informed Nick of that fact, he’d just shake his head and wonder at the incredulity of my claim. Him, a writer?

From Chapter 2 of our book:

“What does that mean, to hear God’s voice?” people have asked me. I explain it this way: You’re in a grocery store and hear a distinctive peal of laughter an aisle or two away, immediately recognizing who it is because you know that laugh so well. Or you answer the phone and recognize the voice even before they identify themselves.

That’s what happens when we get to know God through reading His Word and learning to be still, to listen for an answer when we pray. It isn’t a booming voice from up above we hear, but one inside our head, a thought we know didn’t come from ourselves. We recognize it as His because of our familiarity with Him. The voice can be loud, like a booming laugh two aisles over in the store. It was when I heard “Pray for him” in the summer of 2018. Alone in my car, I looked around to see where it had come from.

More often though, the voice is quieter, which is why we have to listen closely for it. In fact, the Bible tells us it comes to us in a whisper. “The Lord said, ‘Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.’ Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. (1 Kings 19:11-12) That whisper was God.

*****************

Even though I had no doubt this book would happen, I wasn’t sure how or when it would evolve. During the first year of marriage, I jotted down some notes, chapter titles and bible verses that fit the topic, and wrote an introduction. In the second year of marriage, after being diagnosed with cancer, I woke up the morning before my surgery and wrote an entire chapter, certain the rest of the book would come during my recovery. It didn’t. Instead, during recovery, I read half a dozen books on marriage and filled two of them with handwritten prayers for my husband. It wasn’t until our third year of marriage, after the Cedar Falls conference this June, that I seriously began writing. I’d write a chapter, then Nick would add a paragraph or two from the male perspective. By late July, we had several chapters completed before we attended the weeklong Cedar Falls Bible Conference held here on the Riverside grounds where we now live. That week of listening to powerful Christian speakers was a breakthrough for us. Nick’s one or two paragraphs on each topic suddenly became two or three pages! Not only that, but as we were writing, we began experiencing what had happened to me as I worked on Called to Be Creative: A Guide to Reigniting Creativity, where I began living whatever I was writing about. Which is all fine and good when writing about pleasant topics, but eerily disconcerting when composing a chapter on the flaming arrows of the evil one! When we felt “stuck” in the chapter on the Holy Spirit, suddenly every devotional and bible study we read or watched for three days discussed that very topic. For the first time in our shared writing journey, Nick finished his chapter before I even began mine.

We have some beta readers taking a look at the rough draft manuscript. Their feedback will help us make changes before turning it over to the book designer for editing. We changed the title and added a landing page for our publishing imprint this week. You can click here to view: Woodnest Publishing.

In less than three weeks the Cedar Falls Christian Writers conference will be over. This is the 22nd year for the conference, my 14th in attendance. It is also the second year that my husband Nick and I will serve as co-coordinators, along with a key group of people who serve on the leadership committee and those we have chosen as speakers. Nick and I take our part as coordinators seriously. Thanks to prayerful discernment in every aspect of the planning, we are keenly aware of God’s orchestration in who he brings to the conference and the encounters that happen there. This year our keynote speaker is the award-winning fiction author Susie Finkbeiner. We’ve added a new dimension to our conference with our first-ever artist-in-residence, Amylee Weeks. Why an artist at a writer’s conference? We are choosing one artist each year who uses “words” in their art, God’s Word, in particular, whether that means art with actual words (this year’s artist) or prayerful meditation on God’s Word during the creation of art. (next year’s artist Emily Rose Artistry) Besides sharing their faith story, the artist will lead attendees in a writing exercise based on a selection of their art.

For those who are prayerfully discerning whether they should attend a Christian writer’s conference, I have five good reasons to do so:

To learn more about the craft of writing. No matter our level of expertise in writing, it seems there is always more to learn. Sometimes we need to make a commitment of time and money to really hone our craft. Committing to a conference or a class could be the first step in taking our writing seriously. I’d been writing and getting smaller pieces published with some success for 21 years before I attended my first conference in 2011, but my seven book contracts came only after I’d learned more about the publishing world, mostly through the conference and the people I met there.

To learn more about the business side of publishing. It’s not enough to be a good writer; you also have to learn about the ever-changing world of publishing. What is a book proposal? How do I write a query letter? How can I build up my platform? Do I need an agent? Where do I find markets for my work? These are questions you can find the answers to at conferences and workshops.

To connect and network with other writers. There is nothing more enjoyable than “talking shop” with another writer who understands the foibles and follies of the world of writing. Writers at conferences and workshops share markets with each other, commiserate about rejections, and support each other’s accomplishments. I’ve made life-long friends at each conference I’ve attended. I also met my writing mentors (now good friends) Shelly Beach and Cecil Murphey at a conference.

To meet and network with editors, publishers, and agents or writers who have experience with them. I’ve developed both personal and professional relationships with editors, agents, publishers, and more experienced writers at conferences. I met and signed with an agent whose wife sat with me at a lunch table at one conference, though I eventually sold my non-fiction book to a traditional publisher without an agent. New writers at our conference can learn the difference between self-publishing, traditional, and hybrid publishing. They meet authors with agent representation and those without. There are opportunities for questions so they can make decisions about what they want for their own writing.

Amazing moments and divine encounters regularly happen at Christian writing conferences. I can’t speak for all conferences as I’ve only attended Christian ones, but I’ve found that if I pray fervently before, during, and after a conference, and keep my eyes and heart open to God and the prompting of the Holy Spirit, amazing things have transpired at each of the conferences I’ve attended, some so powerful they’re difficult to talk about without crying. God works at these events in a mighty way. I may have attended my first conference for the publishing knowledge, but I kept coming back for that spiritual aspect my soul was hungry for.

To learn more about the Cedar Falls Christian Writers Conference, check out our website: https://www.cfcwc.org/

“Truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in Heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” Matthew 18:19-20 (NIV)

What if there was a simple relationship tool available to all couples, one that could elevate an ordinary marriage and take it to extraordinary heights? Wouldn’t you want to try it?

Between us, Nick and I had over 70 years of marriage under our belts when we met each other in 2021. One would assume then we’d know everything there was to know about commitment, communication, and the covenant of a marriage relationship. Yet in all those years with our first spouse, we can’t recall praying with them outside of the rote prayers of our Catholic faith, at church or the dinner table, unless perhaps it was a quick prayer under duress. We’d certainly never held hands to pray out loud for our marriage or each other. We weren’t even sure how to do that kind of praying for ourselves, until the darkness of grief got us down on our knees.

We are convinced now that unified prayer would have benefited our first marriages. How could it not? Yet, many of us grew up never having observed a model of couples praying together. Praying out loud with our spouse might feel unnatural. Vulnerable.

No matter where you are in your relationship, whether newly engaged or married for fifty years, praying together as a couple is one of the most rewarding and intimate spiritual disciplines a couple can embrace in their walk with God.

On February 9, in Wheatland, Iowa, Nick and I will be sharing what we have learned and provide guidance in unlocking the key to the practice of praying together.
What better gift to give yourself as a couple than a delicious five-course prime rib dinner with a program that will enrich and fortify your marriage? Cost is $75 and includes the meal for two.

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

I took this man to be my lawfully wedded husband nearly two years ago.

This man, who recently spent three days helping at a Christian Writers Conference I’d agreed to lead just three weeks before we met. God went before me, knowing I would need Nick’s business sense and cooking skills just as much as I needed the support of a faith-filled partner.

The moment we make the decision to follow Jesus, we become new creations and God can do his restorative work in us. He had a lot of work to do in me in the ten years before I met Nick. Widowed in 2012, I began an odyssey of faith that would lead me to a personal relationship with God. I grew stronger in faith, reading the Bible and devotionals, doing bible studies, and spending contemplative time praying and journaling.

Jeremiah 29:13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

I did, indeed, find Him. By 2018, I’d learned to listen to the Holy Spirit, trusting God to guide me in every aspect of my life, including the decision to sell half my possessions to move an hour away from my adult children, grandchildren and a Bible study group that had become like family to me. I left my comfort zone and biggest support system for a job at a spirituality center. Loneliness exacerbated by the move, I turned to God all the more, which was why I knew to listen when He asked me to pray for my “future husband.” Not pray FOR a future husband, mind you, but for a specific man God had already chosen.

The woman I’d become knew to obey the command to pray for a man I did not yet know (and didn’t quite dare trust existed) who evidently was going through something that prompted an urgent request from above.

Three years later, in July 2021, I met Nick at a time in his life he was seeking his own personal relationship with God. By the beginning of our second date, I already had strong feelings for him. We’d spent the better part of two hours getting to know each other with complete ease, sharing thoughts we’d never shared with anyone else. That his wife had died shortly before my 2018 prayer did not escape me. The first time we held hands was in the prayer time we shared at the beginning of our second meeting. By the end of that nine-hour date, I was certain Nick was the man God had asked me to pray for. For the first time in three years, I uncovered the prayer in my journal and read it to Nick.

“Do you think that man was me?” he asked, in awe of the idea of a God that cared so much about him he would ask a stranger to pray for him.

Knowing God had brought us together and was in our relationship from the beginning made it easy to say “yes” to each other just six weeks later.

I’d always wondered what Nick was feeling or experiencing when the urgent request “Pray for him,” came to me. He wondered too. There was no way to know. He didn’t keep a journal like I did and had no memory of anything unusual going on in late July 2018, outside of the usual grieving one does in the months following a spouse’s death.

That we become a new person when we begin following Jesus Christ has been radically demonstrated in my life. The pre-Jesus Mary wouldn’t have known how to listen to the promptings of the Holy Spirit any more than she would have trusted God’s promise of love.

Shortly before coordinating the writer’s conference, Nick and I were scheduled to speak at church on what it means to have a praying partnership. Pre-Jesus Nick might not have imagined participating in either of these events but seemed confident God would equip him for the call of speaking publicly on faith. At least, until the day before the scheduled talk, when he admitted to some doubt.

“Lord,” I prayed the next morning before Nick woke up. “I know Nick can do this. I know you have prepared him for this, that you want us to share our story. Allow me to help strengthen his faith. Show me how to help him.” Knowing exactly what would increase Nick’s comfort level, I dared to add “And please, Lord, let Nick have a chance to demonstrate his sense of humor.“

Look in his VA records. I wasn’t sure I understood the directive. I had access to his doctor’s records through the VA, but I’d never thought to dig through what amounted to thousands of pages of medical data.

Look in his VA records for the date when I asked you to pray for him.

It took a while to find records from late July 2018, but there it was, doctor’s notes from a visit to the emergency room. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I realized that the very day God had asked me to pray for my future husband, Nick had ended up in the ER in excruciating pain, having tripped and fallen. Experiencing physical pain on top of emotional pain, I knew Nick must have been in a very dark place when I was prompted to pray for him. When I told Nick what I’d discovered, all his doubts disappeared.

Our presentation was flawless, our natural rapport evident to the group of couples present. I was slightly disappointed that the serious topic of prayer didn’t really allow for Nick’s natural humor to shine as I’d prayed for. Then someone asked a question.

I picked up the microphone again, not realizing Nick had already turned it off. I began talking before the realization hit me.

“You turned me off,” I said.

“If only it were that easy,” he quipped. The room erupted in laughter.

Thank you, God, for the gift of Nick and a marriage centered on You. Thank you for answering prayers in your unique and wondrous ways.

Some of you are aware that I’ve chosen a word for the year ever since I read Debbie Macomber’s One Perfect Word in 2011. For those who are new to the idea, it’s basically a meditative practice. By asking God to reveal the perfect word, we then spend 365 days pondering its meaning in our life, a form of Lectio Divina that we can employ as we study, listen, ponder and pray while also delving into God’s Word. I take this process seriously, as I have seen the difference in my life since I began the practice. For instance, when I chose the word Possibilities at the beginning of 2021, I had no idea two seemingly “impossible” things would become a reality for me that year. I was finally able to write the children’s book on grief that I’d be unable to pen in the previous nine years and I met and married the man God had asked me to pray for in 2018.

For whatever reason, I failed to choose a word last year. I’m not sure what one might have been fitting. The first half of the year could have been AWE as we took several trips. Not only was I in awe of the beauty of God’s creation as we traveled, but I also basked in the companionship and love of the man at my side. The second half could hardly have qualified for that same word as our summer plans for golfing and hiking trails were sidelined by weeks of debilitating arthritis pain for Nick when he went off a medication that may have been affecting his kidneys. In August, we were hit hard by Covid, spending our first anniversary next to each other on the couch in mutual misery. Mid-September brought my cancer diagnosis, followed by an October surgery that eradicated the disease. I barely had time to heal before holiday preparations. At 3:00 a.m. on Christmas morning, I woke up coughing so hard I couldn’t sleep. The cough is still with me, along with an overwhelming fatigue.

Imagine my distress and consternation then, when I repeatedly felt led to the word REST during prayer last week. REST? This is a word both Nick and I resisted. Hasn’t there been enough “rest” for both of us? Weren’t we eager to plan more trips for 2023? To add an exercise regimen that would increase our stamina and improve our health? Yet the word rest implies couch time instead. I didn’t want the word REST to be my word for 2023, and Nick wasn’t interested in hearing it either. Neither one of us had previously led a “restful” life. Was that part of the problem? Was God trying to tell me something?

Instead of concentrating on healing from surgery in October, I’d been determined to be prolific in my writing, working on my next book. I was certain God was on the same page, having helped me write the most difficult chapter the week before surgery.

I was wrong. Post-surgery, I found myself tired, unable to string coherent sentences together. I looked to my second go-to; reading. Except instead of enjoying mindless fiction, I found myself reading books about God’s design for marriage. In between cancer diagnosis and surgery, I’d filled a book of prayers for my husband, discovering how praying for him helped me. I picked up another book about blessing your husband. And then another. Soon, I realized I was studying God’s design for marriage. You’d think having previously been married for 34 years I would already know everything there was to know about marriage. Yet it pains me to admit I had not been the most Biblical wife in my first marriage. It was only after developing a personal relationship with God in 2012, I discovered just how much I didn’t know about being a Godly wife. I’d vowed that if God ever brought someone else into my life, I would pray with him, cherish him, and we’d grow in faith together. I would strive to be the Proverbs 31 wife. Both Nick and I have been in AWE of the difference a God-centered relationship makes.

It does make sense that God would guide me to study marriage, since he is leading Nick and I to co-write a book about having a praying partnership with your spouse. This is what I do before I write non-fiction books; study the topic. I read more than sixty books on creativity before writing mine, three dozen on grief before my grief book.

What then to make of that arthritis pain and shared illness? What might God be trying to tell us through all of it? How could he use illness and pain for his good? It was during the time of forced rest that Nick and I added a daily Bible study to our morning prayer time. We’ve gone through several Max Lucado studies, currently Traveling Light: Releasing the Burdens You Were Never Intended to Bear, based on Psalm 23.

Why REST as my word? Had we not already learned enough about being still? Does that mean another year marked by illness? I wondered these things in the middle of the night, sitting on the couch, coughing too much to sleep.

REST.

REST IN ME.

I went to the Bible then, searching for verses with the word “rest” in them.

God will give you rest. Exodus 33:14 “And he said, ‘My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.'” Mathew 11:28-30 “Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

We are to be still before the Lord. Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations; I will be exalted in the earth.”

We are to rest through faith and obedience. Proverbs 19:23 “The fear of the Lord leads to life and whoever has it rests satisfied; he will not be visited by harm.” Jeremiah 6:16 “Thus says the Lord ‘Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it and find rest for your souls.

It seems then, rest seems to have less to do about a physical call to the couch and more about an action to deepen our relationship with God, to find rest in Him. Resting in Him restores our souls. Wasn’t that exactly what Nick and I had done during the forced rest of Covid, when we began studying the Bible? With this word, God calls me to trust him, to follow Him. To rest in Him.

REST. The perfect word for 2023.

― C.S. Lewis

“Prayer doesn’t change things,” I’ve heard. If that’s true, prayer won’t change the results of my cancer surgery. It won’t affect my marriage. Prayer wouldn’t change me. I beg to differ. I don’t need to look any further than the husband at my side to know God answered my prayers of lament from years of loneliness. Our beautiful marriage relationship is a testament to the power of a husband and wife praying together.

I believe God answers prayers. Sometimes the answer is NO. Sometimes it is not now. Occasionally, we don’t want to hear the answer because it isn’t what we want or doesn’t make sense to us at the time.

Patience is not my strong suit. Once I had a diagnosis, I just wanted this cancer removed. Immediately. Waiting for surgery is difficult. But God can use this waiting time, to work in me or my husband. I’m determined to get something out of this experience. Through prayer and discernment, I seek whatever that is.

When friends share Bible verses with me in cards and notes, some go next to my journal. Others find a home between pages of my bible. During those inevitable dark nights of the soul, I have helpful verses handy. One thing I’ve noticed in recent days is how lifted I feel, knowing others are praying for me. There is a power in their prayers. The power to lift, to encourage. Maybe, to change outcomes. Surely to change me.

Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

I truly believe God is pleased by those who delight in Him. From the moment I first prayed with Nick on July 11, 2021, God has delighted in our union, watching us grow in faith together. After all, God had orchestrated our meeting, guiding me to pray in the summer of 2018 for a man I did not yet know, and then making it clear that Nick was that man when I finally met him three years later. (When God Writes the Love Story)

God has been gladdened by our daily prayer time, our bible studies, our commitment to HIM. He has delighted in our travel this past year and the tears I’ve shed at the beauty of His nature. How can anyone view a mountain or an ocean and not be in awe of God’s creation?

I’m not sure my dear husband quite “gets” my obsession with secondhand stores, though he has observed how my prayer life extends even to thrift shopping. Before we were married, I’d gotten as far as adding the red plates and bowls I wanted for our first home to my online Kohls cart before hesitating at the hefty price tag.

“I have a strong feeling I’m not to purchase them new,” I told Nick later that day. “And that we should check out Stuff.” (a local consignment store) Once there, I headed directly to the household section, where I immediately spotted them: a stack of six red plates and bowls. I purchased all twelve for less than the price of one new plate. Coincidence? Synchronicity? Or do we have a God who actually cares about His daughter’s delight? Don’t we as parents search for the perfect gift for our child, then revel in their joy when we’ve accomplished that purpose?

No one needs a leather jacket, it’s true. But I did want one when I saw my husband’s. Sharing my desire and the “thrill of the hunt” for a good deal with Nick, I began searching the racks at various thrift and consignment stores. Within a week, I found the perfect one, brand-new, with tags still attached, for a mere $25. After my credit at the store, I didn’t pay a penny. Neither did I need a colorful trunk to hold all my creativity workshop materials, but I like to think that God had something to do with me finding this brand-new trunk at the same consignment store. I’m convinced Our Father delights in my enjoyment of these things.

This is how God works in my life ever since I developed a personal relationship with Him in 2012. It should have come as no surprise then, when I told my husband to postpone purchasing some salt and pepper and parmesan cheese shakers for his business because God would help me find some that my next visit to the consignment store, I actually did.

And yet, I was surprised. In fact, I may have gasped in awe when I spotted two new packages of parmesan cheese shakers and a new package of glass salt and pepper shakers. I mean, come on, what are the odds? Within a day or two of confidently assuring my husband God would provide those items, He did. Not only that, but my Goodwill stop netted the exact type of backpack my husband had suggested I get for our future trips, in lieu of carrying a purse. One of my favorite brands, and in my signature leopard print! A Relic backpack for $6.00? The stationery sets and leather book of prayers for my husband were just icing on the cake. Not pictured are several items I purchased for Christmas gifts.

This doesn’t mean I get everything I want, any more than we as parents should fulfill our child’s every desire. But it does mean that because I am open to God’s guidance, sometimes I feel led by the Spirit to stop at a certain store, pick up a particular book, or reach out to a perfect stranger.

And sometimes, God surprises me with more than I ever hoped for or imagined. Like Nick.

Cancer. The word no one wants to hear. I was in the vehicle with my husband when the doctor gave me the news. My first thought was “Poor Nick,” because his previous wife had died from cancer. Fear hit sometime the next day, after a night of tossing and turning. I reminded myself that fear is not from God and asked my husband to pray with me.

Much of this past year has been about prayer as I reveled in my first year of marriage with Nick, and for good reason. It was prayer that initially connected us. We began each of our dates with prayer and have continued to pray together daily. I credit that practice, along with our daily Bible study, for a marriage relationship that is unlike anything we could have hoped for or imagined at this point in our life.

I began praying in all things, big and little. approximately ten years ago, involving prayer and discernment in what books I read, movies I watch and even what journals I use. I get a little thrill choosing a new journal from the huge stack I store in a cupboard; little journals, big ones, wire bound, hardcover, paperback, colorful decorated pages or quotes interspersed throughout. Always lined, sometimes with a ribbon marker to keep my place.

Which journal do I pick? I asked on September 1st. It would be journal #14 since I began utilizing expressive writing as a healing tool in 2012. I caressed each cover lightly, flipping through pages, before landing on the colorful hardbound journal with Proverbs 31:25 She is clothed with strength and dignity on the front cover. Nick and I had just begun a Bible study of Proverbs a few days before. We were learning about wisdom and listening as it applies to marriage. What better journal to begin my second year of striving to be a Proverbs 31 wife to Nick?

I don’t journal every day. I’d only gotten a few pages in when I was diagnosed with cancer on September 13th. Writing out a prayer the next morning, I took great comfort in the bible verse at the bottom of the page.

I read the intro to the journal for the first time a couple of days later, in awe of how fitting it was for the situation.

Let His presence cast out any weakness and guide you through every circumstance and decision you face. Be strong in the Lord, and may His unfailing love guide your heart into a fearless future. I turned to the back cover and noted the quote by one of my favorite authors, Holly Gerth. God’s love is what we need to carry on and will carry us when our strength feels small. Ah, yes, this spoke to my heart too.

I’ve journaled nearly every day since the diagnosis, as I waited to see an oncology doctor, facing a surgery that will determine the stage of the cancer. God already answered two appeals I dared to convey; instead of the 5-12 days I was warned I could expect before hearing from the oncologist, the call came in just three days, when I was informed the consultation would be September 30th. September 30th, a day we would be in Iowa City anyway for an appointment my husband had made with a rheumatologist two and a half months ago. My oncology appointment in the same town scheduled for the exact same day, and with enough time between appointments? What are the odds? I will tell you; not likely.

God went before me. God knew in July when Nick’s appointment was scheduled that I would be diagnosed with cancer and need to see an oncologist. He orchestrated events so that the timing of our appointments would coincide. While I thought I was choosing a journal to help me be the best wife I could be for Nick (with strength and dignity), God knew better. Months before I would need it, God drew my attention to the colorful journal on the shelf of a thrift store. Yes, God goes to Goodwill with me. Because I ask for his guidance even in the little things, of all the journals I had to choose from in my cupboard, he knew which one I would need for this journey with cancer. He knew which bible study Nick and I would need right now. And if God cares about those little things; the timing of appointments, the right journal or bible study, I have no doubt God cares about me in this big thing, this cancer. God is in this too. He will use it for good. He may have work to do in me, in Nick, or in our marriage. I will face this cancer with strength and dignity. I will be strong in the Lord.