Jordan Aubry Robison's Blog

In the back of my mind, I had been thinking all day what I was going to write next.

Sometimes when I am reading on a train, sometimes listening to a podcast, occasionally bopping my head to music thumping through my headphones, sometimes when I am walking along minding my own business thinking about my errands or admiring my neighborhood—an idea disrupts me.

As someone who wants to harness daydreams so I might interpret them into words, I welcome these unforeseeable moments.

When these abrupt tiny episodes happen while in the act of writing I am more surprised. More so than I am at any other time when writing.

All Work and No Play

I never know when my imagination will visit me? Especially, as I go about my work or my daily routines. From when I first open my eyes through the dawn of morning I am focused on my scribbling letters with a varied amount of spaces and nothing else. It may be only an hour or two, but it’s all I have most of the time.

Throughout the day I must turn my attention toward my work. I must give my job my full attention. Else it would be a disservice to my employer and to myself.

Writing is not my sole source of employment. I may never realize the day where the majority of my income is derived from the pleasure of creative writing. But, I will not let that stop me from doing so because I need to write.

Often, I do not have the time or the will to go back to my writing after I have concluded my morning ritual. Once I have completed the task–my energy must concentrate on work. I must ensure I have finished my business assignment I need to get done that day to the best of my ability.

Each morning I open my notebook when I first sit at my office desk and write down a list of to-do’s, or everything I must have done before my workday ends. It’s the only way I can get my mind concentrated and organized. Sometimes the list expands throughout the day. And sometimes the list remains small.

One of my favorite rituals is when I draw a line across a completed task.

Unexpected Inspiration

I was reading Graham Greene’s The Quiet American during my train commute to work when find myself interrupted by a thought on a story I am working on.

For a various amount of seconds, I can get lost in a conceptualized premise. I go through the plot points in my head—then storing them away to reference the following morning.

I don’t bother to write any of it down since I knew I wouldn’t forget. Sometimes I know when an idea is going to stay with me and when I need to write one down. I don’t know how I know, but I do.

Writing is a Pleasure

The story I am writing is in no way related to the Graham Greene book I am reading, mind you. But, the scene I happened to be reading made me think of what I was planning on writing the next morning. For me, this is what makes writing so intoxicating: anticipating of what I am going to print next from an abstract idea in my head.

The pleasure of writing is when you surprise yourself. I believe it was Stephen King who once said he doesn’t write stories but lets his characters tell the story for him. I cannot remember if he does any outlining, but I find what he also says true for myself.

Outlining can be essential and helpful. While sometimes we can get lost in describing and plotting details. We can become restricted by our blueprints.

It took me a while to learn to treat my outlining as a skeleton and not the full biological specimen. Occasionally, I sit down in front of my computer. My hands hovering over the keyboard ready to type. I know exactly where I am supposed to go next, but then I stop.

For a moment something doesn’t feel right. So I type and see what comes out.

That is when characters leap through my fingers dictating to me where the story needs to go. Often I’ll write an entire chapter I had not expected to write. Whether I will keep that chapter doesn’t matter. What matters is I am getting to know my characters better so I might write a better story.

I do not know if this happens to every writer? But I find joy in this exercise. It’s one of the reasons I get up every morning to write. The muscle in my head I use to tell stories through the medium of words is one of my favorite adventures.

Perception and Demonstration

When our imagination is allowed to run wild, there are no limits to how far it can go. Left unchecked, and without boundaries, we are able to explore the inner depths of human invention.

How has your writing surprised you? Do you also find pleasure in the unknown? Or in the details of the outline and planning? Each writer is different.

What is helpful for one writer can be limiting for another. Each one of us will find our way as we embark on this journey of discovery.

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

― Maya Angelou, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

The alarm went off like a thundering smack to my pleasant dream.

I turned my smartphone over to hit the snooze button on the glowing screen.

In my weariness, I was unsure which animated button to press to snooze my alarm. One button would stop the alarm altogether. The other button would give me about eight minutes or more to reconsider if I wanted to be awake entirely. The buttons displayed in full glimmering color on the OLED’s display. I looked for a second longer to be sure. I opened my eyes a little wider to be positive.

I hit the snooze button and returned to bed. Just a few more minutes, I whispered to myself.

“One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple.”

― Jack Kerouac, The Dharma Bums

I had turned the phone over on purpose to make it more difficult for me to turn my alarm off. Thinking it might encourage me to be awake right away. But that did not happen. Instead, I repeated the same ritual for at least an hour until I finally gave in and emerged from my warm comfy bed. Leaving the cradle of my pillow.

It’s not easy getting up at four in the morning. But also not as easy waking up at 5:30 in the morning. And yet I do it five days a week. I do not have to be at work until 8:30 in the morning. My commute can sometimes take forty minutes to sometimes only thirty minutes. So why do I do this to myself when I don’t need? No one is making me get up this early. But I do it anyway.

I do it so I can write. I am a writer. And so can you.

I have experimented having breakfast and then taking a shower. To having breakfast, writing and then showering. The pattern which works best for me is to take a shower first, make my meal second, and then relax and write what I can.

There is never enough time to write. Sometimes I wish I could call in sick when I’m on a roll. When the energy is high, the words seem to spill out of my fingers. I get into a rhythm. The letters my fingers type escape faster than they appear on the computer screen.

I love the sound of the keyboard tap. I love the feel of the keyboards. Typing away what I want to say and how I want to say it without any restrictions. Writing is my meditation. It’s a fever where I don’t want any prescription. Cue the cowbells.

I sip my coffee throughout my writing venture. I relax in my Ikea POÄNG chair in my living room with the TV turned on.

“The scariest moment is always just before you start.”

― Stephen King, On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft

The pictures animate from the Youtube video while the sound is mute. Sometimes I do this to have some kind of light and something to look at while I am writing. I keep the other lights in my living room off in the morning. I like it this why. Sometimes I’ll only have music playing in the background. No setting is perfect. I adjust to each one accordingly.

I check my watch. There is never enough time to write. There is never enough time to write.

I check how much I’ve written. It looks good but never good enough. I wrap up my thoughts and then take a brief moment to decide to re-write and edit or to leave what I’ve written as is for now. To let it go and come back later. I wrestle with this every day I write. All while the broken record plays the following words in my head: “There is never enough time to write.”

I spent five today days with the Pixelbook. Within five days I went from excitement, experimentation, tweaking, reading forums, testing, to dealing with my first bug of many bugs, and ultimate disappointment.

Confession

I am an Apple Geek. I love Apple products. There was a time when I was unwilling to experiment with other technology manufacturers. The designs were not basic. The quality was always questionable.

And then one day something strange happened on the way to the Apple Store. The competition got better. They finally figured out what people like about Apple and decided to duplicate. What they have done is replicate the look of a beautiful machine. Quality is still far and away.

But lately, Apple has some explaining to do. Their quality of which they have been the beacon for the last fifteen years has come into question. I have been waiting for Apple to get it right, but it doesn’t seem like that is happening this year. They’ve spent the last year trying to heed all their critics from 2017 while not ensuring the products”just work.”

Add more memory Apple! Okay. There you go … here is more memory.

Me: Did you update their design to account the extra heat these new CPUs, like the i9, will inevitably cause some throttling?

Apple: Nope. The design is perfect. The design is all. Design over function, Y’all.

I waisted several days pondering over something to use until Apple gets their house in order.

And then it came to me in a vision of many Youtube videos: Google’s Pixelbook.

The price for their base model had reduced significantly from last year. The design was beautiful. It was light and then and it offered the one thing my beloved iPad has yet to deliver: A fully capable desktop level browser.

I put the trigger and ran to Best Buy to pick up a copy coupled with a Student Discount.

This is a beautifully designed piece of hardware. This is the kind of thing Apple should be doing but isn’t. It’s almost as if Google decided to use the MacBook as an example and designed the Pixelbook as a response to all of Macbooks criticisms.

The Pixelbook has a touchscreen. The Pixelbook has one of the best keyboards in an ultrabook laptop design. The Pixelbook screen can bend a full 180 degrees behind letting one use it as a tablet. Though, I never bothered with using the Pixelbook as a tablet. I’ve always that that was a silly concept. An attempt to give people a tablet and PC.

Microsoft gets this right. They have their Surface Books with detaching from the keyboard. If only they would do something about that ugly gap in their hinges. I can’t imagine carrying that monstrosity around in my backpack.

I know a lot of people complain about the obsession with thin and lightness in technology. But I imagine those complaining don’t commute via subway. I always have a backpack full of work-related stuff, my lunch, and my computer. What I don’t need is a thick and heavy laptop to carry around on top of that.

The Pixelbook bezels are a sight for sore eyes. I’m not a fan. They didn’t cause me great worry. But I can only imagine how much smaller the Pixel book could have been had Google tried to thin those ginormous bezels.

Beta

For what Google was charging one would think they were getting a fully polished product. That is far from the case. The battery life is worthless. For a Chromebook, which have had the reputation of long battery life the Pixelbook has the same quality of battery life as a gaming laptop. And this thing doesn’t even have a great GPU.

The state of Android.

With all things said and done, the opportunity to use Android apps intrigued me. But Google has always been an engineering company first. They are only; lately, it seems, trying to shift gears to be more consumer friendly. Yet when I used the Pixelbook, I felt like I was using a test product. I felt like Google was once again throwing something out in the wild if it would stick on the wall. But also to tell third-party manufacturers: why can’t you guys do something like this?

Writing

With the battery issue and the beta quality of the software, I was starting to become disappointed. The other day I tried to figure out the best way to increase battery. I turned off a few extensions, turned on a feature in Chrome OS which forced Android apps to not run in the background.

When I was searching the internet solution one Redditor boast 14-hour battery life. But he also admitted to not using any Android apps and not using any extensions. I might try that if I was using a cheaper machine, but that was extreme. I’m a writer, and I want a machine that can last a decent amount of time on battery whenever the urge to write hits me.

The Straw that Broke the Camel’s Back

Then last night I opened my Pixelbook only to find it wouldn’t connect to my Wifi. I kept saying I was ‘Out of Rang.’ So I headed over to my router standing right next to it, and it would not connect I finally restarted the computer. That did the trick. But that was a bad sign. I’ve only had this machine for several days, and it’s already having an issue.

For an operating system which relies more on an internet connection than others, a bug which prevents it from connecting to the internet is unacceptable. This machine has been around for nearly a year. It has received some updates since then. If Google hasn’t fixed this bug (or the fucking Bluetooth bug), then I’m not going to waste any more of my time with your Beta piece of shit.

Return to Sender

I have since returned this machine to Best Buy. I will continue to use divide my time between my work laptop and searching for the best laptop to fit my needs.

Saying Goodbye to an Old Friend

I unlocked my iPhone 6 Plus for the last time.

My new smartphone, an iPhone Xs Max (say that again at ten times speed), was set up and ready for me to download apps and login to more accounts and download my cherished list of songs and curated playlists. Ready for me to arrange the apps how I liked them and turn off those notifications I have no patience for. I opened the settings app and found the option to erase and Reset–all in a matter of seconds. In the span of a micro-second, I hesitated before pressing the option to Reset and Erase All with my finger.

The screen went black. The loading circle animation appeared in the middle of the rectangle screen’s blackness until completing its erasing cycle. Then it glowed again asking me to begin the setup process as if it was a new phone. The audacity of that message, I thought to myself. I saddened a bit as I held down the on/off button until I was prompted to swipe to turn it off. I put it away in the bottom drawer of my nightstand. Good night, sweet prince, and may songs of angels carry thee away to heaven … or the Apple Store to see if they can recycle it. Meh.

A four-year relationship with a smartphone over. If only this were as easy in other scenarios.

Shallow and Material Pleasures

Why would anyone write about owning the same smartphone for four years? Because the world has changed in the last ten years, or so. Almost all people have a smartphone—be it the newest and greatest gadget or an older one trucking along—or one bought second hand.

The smartphone is now the pen and notepad your father or mother might have told you to always have on hand. A smartphone can do much more than a pen and a notebook. The notepad doesn’t run on battery and thus will never need to be recharged. But a pen can run out of ink, and a pencil will always need sharpening.

This story is about a relationship. A very intimate relationship. This smartphone is an extension of ourselves—for better or for worse. We are the test case–every single one of us. We still don’t know how this is going to turn out? We yet can’t say if smartphones are beneficial? An unnecessary distraction? Or the next leap in human evolution?

Year One

My first year with the iPhone 6 Plus was the year it was released. At the time it was impossible to find one anywhere. The demand had once again overwhelmed Apple. This scenario would repeat itself like clockwork each year until recently with the iPhone Xs breed. I told myself I would wait until January to decide if I would upgrade.

This was the first year Apple introduced a larger sized iPhone. I remember I used to make fun of a colleague of mine and his massive Samsung phone. All joking aside, I changed my tune once I saw and held the iPhone 6 Plus in the Apple store. After I returned home for the holidays visiting family, I was able to order a new phone online via AT&T’s website and walk into the store that very same day. They handed me my new iPhone, and I gave them my two-year-old phone.

This iPhone 6 Plus was such a marvel to my eyes that for the first time I would break the two-year cycle.

It took me a while to adjust to having a larger phone. When I travel, I always keep my phone in one of my front pants pockets. This proved uncomfortable when wearing shorts on a hot day. The giant phone seemed to steam against my thigh. On days like those, I made it a habit of putting my phone in my wife’s purse to release me of that burden.

Year Two

On year two would be the first year I damaged a smartphone I owned. At the time I bragged to any who would hear me how solidly built the iPhone 6 Plus was. I put it in a super thin cover which barely protected it.

I would soon eat my words when one day I angrily threw my own phone on the ground during an argument like an idiot. When I picked up my phone, it was bent.

The year this phone was released there was a few YouTubers who discovered they could bend their iPhone 6’s by purposely bending it. Then soon, others would come forward claiming their phones were bent after only storing them in their pants pockets. It was called Bentgate.

But mine wasn’t an accident. The bend in my phone was clearly my fault. Of course, when I made an appointment with the Apple Store, I did not share this story with them. I told them I dropped the phone by accident. They were able to fix it, somewhat, but because I didn’t buy their Apple Care program, I was shit out of luck. Unless I was willing to cough up $300 to replace the screen, etc.

I didn’t do that. I kept my phone. The screen was a little damaged, and the colors were uneven at parts where the bent occurred. But hardly noticeable to the untrained eye. And it would prove even less important since I would end up keeping this phone for another two years.

Year Three

I paid off the two-year payment plan I had with the phone. Afterward, I set about unlocking my iPhone so that I would no longer be wholly tied to one single cell phone service. Now I would be able to switch from AT&T to Verizon to T-Mobile to Sprint or whatever I wanted. The world was my oyster.

Year three would prove the first year my iPhone started to get buggy.

One day my fingerprint scanner stopped working. I tried several times to fix it via the software. After extensive internet research and browsing through support forums, I concluded the fingerprint scanner was broken. The only fix was the replace it. Even if I would replace it via a third-party, there was no guarantee it would work.

Things also began to slow down. The software during year three was buggy and didn’t seem optimized for my particular iPhone model. Granted, the bugs were minor in the long scheme of things compared to a three-year-old Android phone at the time.

Sometimes the phone would randomly restart. It had never done that before. Part of these issues also related to the very buggy iOS 11 release. From my battery draining faster than average. To apps hanging for several seconds before loading. Some apps proved unable to cope with the hardware of a three-year-old phone.

iPhone X

When the iPhone X was released, I found myself unmotivated to buy it. Face ID didn’t impress me. Before iPhone X was released, I remember reading Apple was experimenting with releasing an iPhone with a fingerprint scanner built underneath the screen. I salivated at that concept. I wanted to be a part of that dream. But that dream would prove a fantasy, at least the year the iPhone X was released.

iPhone X was also the first generation of a new version of the iPhone. I decided to wait another year before deciding if I would get a new iPhone. I was even considering if I wanted to switch from Apple to an Android phone.

Year Four

Batterygate was what the media called Apple’s throttling of older iPhones. Apple had coded older phones to throttle their performance to avoid having older iPhones restart randomly due to the nature of older batteries.

Whether that is true is hard to say. It might well be. Regardless I had had random restarts with my iPhone 6 Plus since the third-year of owning the phone. They slowed down a bit during year four. The middle of year three seemed to be when it was at its worse.

As a result of this negative press Apple offered to replace older phones batteries for $29. I signed up and waited four hours for the whole process to conclude. In the end, I didn’t witness that much of improvement before my battery was replaced.

I ran into other people who had iPhone 6’s like myself. Each of us was equally complaining about the similar issues with our iPhones. And each of us was refusing to upgrade. We were all holding on the belief that a smartphone could last as long as maybe a computer. Or maybe longer?

But a smartphone is not built for that kind of longevity. Especially when one considers its usage. We keep these tiny computers on 24/7. We use the more than we use our computers and are then surprised when they don’t last as long as some computers do.

Conclusion

My four-year journey with the iPhone 6 Plus taught me to reconsider the nature of a smartphone. If I wanted to continue using smartphones I would have to accept their truth: they are designed to last only so long. Even if they are not built-in with obsolescence, it should not be a shock to anyone most can’t last longer than four years. Granted, if I wanted, I could still use my iPhone 6 Plus today. Complain about how sluggish it was at the time or random apps crashing. But it would still work.

Nothing is stopping you or me from using a regular cellphone. A non-smartphone, if you will. But then I would lose the convenience of a device which is like another appendage of myself. Without it, I feel naked and incomplete.

The smartphone is the pen and notepad of the older generations. But it can do so much more than take notes. So much more.

As I look over at my new iPhone Xs Max (such a stupid name, Apple), I can only think of how much technology has improved in four years. It’s been a fantastic journey. Only more to come.

When I hand write anything I prefer using the Lamy Fountain pen over any other writing utensil.

Left-Handed Confession

I’m left-handed. I’m not a great hand writer. I prefer typing tenfold over handwriting.

My handwriting is hard to read. I have found it challenging to handwrite in a world which celebrates the English language from left to write.

As a left-handed writer, I sometimes wonder if it would have been easier had I learned to write in Arabic? Arabic is a language written from right to left.

Holding pens in my left hand is natural. But forcing it to write from left to write hurts my hand. This has been going on since I first picked up a pencil.

Hand Writing Notes

Through the years I have struggled taking hand notes when attending college. I purchased mechanical pencils since I could erase. They proved the most effective tool for long sessions of handwriting at the time. Yet after an hour lecture’s of hand notes, my hand felt cramped.

I worried I would be destined to one day live with arthritis. And that very well could be a possibility for me in the future. Only time will tell.

As I grew older, I did everything I could to avoid writing with my hand. All I could remember was the associated pain. Putting my poor left hand on ice. While right-handed persons continued with their handwriting oblivious to my plight.

Introduction to Fountain Pens

One day I picked up a friend’s fountain pen. He was using it full-time and was teaching himself calligraphy. He had taken up cursive, again.

Something I had also abandon as soon as I could. Writing squiggly words at a right angle with my left hand proved more obnoxious and more painful.

South Paws of the World Unit!

My father could have saved me from this frustration. I recall him telling me one day how frustrated he was growing up. He wanted to write with his left hand, but his father forced him to write right-handed. He refused to subject me to the same abuse.

I am glad to be a left-hander. South pawers of the world unite! But it hasn’t been easy growing up in a right handers world.

My cursive writing hipster friend allowed me to use his fountain pen for a brief moment. I wrote a few sentences in my best version of my handwriting. I failed to copy his beautiful style of cursive letters. I found the weight and thickness of his fountain pen much preferable over regular pens and mechanical pencil and pencils.

Even better than the Uni Jetstream pens. Which I was using for a while.

When I briefly picked up Bullet Journaling, I knew I had to find a pen suitable for my handicap.

After weeks of internet research, I decided on the Lamy Fountain pen. A German plastic-made fountain pen. Based on my discoveries the Lamy Fountain pen was considered the best starter fountain pen. Coupled with the fact it wasn’t costly for a fountain pen.

When it arrived, I loaded my new fountain pen with blue ink and started filling my Bullet Journal with handwritten words.

I didn’t last Bullet Journaling. I still prefer using my MacBook and note apps to archive my thoughts and tasks. But, the Lamy pen is still my daily use.

I love this pen, and I plan to upgrade one day to one of their metal hardshell options.

Nowadays, I use a combination of Bear Note app, Things, and my Leuchtturm1917 journal. Especially when at work. I begin each day at work writing a list of to-do items in my Leuchtturm1917 journal.

When I need to write a to-do list of things I need to get done that day, I follow the Bullet Journal pattern. I handwrite them in my journal with my Lamy fountain pen. My favorite pen.

If you don’t have a passion for writing, then you’re wasting your time.

Writing static words put next to each other is for the technical writers. If you’re not writing clear and concise instructions, then you are not writing with passion.

Write with a passion for finding your voice.

What Do I Mean?

What does it mean to write with passion? I’ll explain.

Writing with passion means you must hide nothing when you write. Be vulnerable. Be truthful.

Many of us are custom to hiding ourselves in the public world. It’s often how we protect ourselves from any opportunity would-be bullies or jerks. Or any attempt that might harm is some shape or form.

We do this because it is part of our survival instincts.

Find your passion and then write about it. Do not fret if the words don’t come out perfect. Do not stop if you find you’ve written two pages of drivel.

Have Pride in Your Accomplishments

Be proud that you’ve written two pages. Take a moment to pat yourself on the back. Then go for a walk. Read a book. Watch an episode of your favorite show. Play your favorite video game for thirty minutes to an hour.

Do whatever you need to do to relax and not dwell on what you have written.

Then grab some tea or coffee or whatever you like to drink. Go back to what you have already written and re-write everything.

This is how you improve yourself as a writer. Not by writing but by re-writing. Re-writing. Always re-writing.

Re-Write and Re-Write Some More

As you re-write, you will begin to notice your common mistakes. You will start to see your patterns. You will re-correct.

It’s often hard to re-write and proofread. Not everyone has someone whom they can go to review their work.

Tools to Help you Succeed

When in doubt use tools like Hemingway App and Grammarly.com to help you find things you have missed. Hemingway App helps focus your writing by helping you keep things simple. Grammarly.com is probably the best grammar-checker outside from a living and breathing proofreader.

Never accept ALL of Hemingway App’s or Grmmarly.com’s recommendations. These are programs. They are tools to help you, but they are not complete proofreaders.

Trust me on this. From my experience, Grammarly.com and Hemingway App do not always understand the context of a sentence.

Online Writing Communities

Also, there are many online communities out there. People willing to proofread your work in exchange for your help in return. The Writing Cooperative offers a tremendous Slack community. Where you can communicate with hundreds of people like yourself. It helped me, and it can help you too.

Through my amateur writing career, I have made every mistake known to writers past, present, and future. Use me as an example of what not to do.

Never Quit

Never stop writing. Never quit. Never lose your passion.

Passion is never quitting. Passion is being consistent. Passion is being productive. Passion is, but it gets the job done.

Write with a passion to find your voice. And then share your view with the rest of the world.

I never ever expected to read you passed away from suicide.

“If I am an advocate for anything, it is to move. As far as you can, as much as you can. Across the ocean, or simply across the river. Walk in someone else’s shoes or at least eat their food. It’s a plus for everybody.”

I expected to learn of your death some twenty years from now. Writing your last criticism of modern society.

Eating a final tiny morsel of street food in a remote country for your next episode–your final episode. And drinking one last drink. One final drink to screw with all your detractors. Ramones playing in the background. Specifically “Hey! Ho! Let’s Go!”

Never suicide. Not suicide.

Anthony Bourdain passed June 8, 2018. And it has taken me this long before I feel ready to write about it. But I haven’t stopped thinking about it since the day I learned of the news.

“Life is complicated. It’s filled with nuance. It’s unsatisfying… If I believe in anything, it is doubt. The root cause of all life’s problems is looking for a simple fucking answer.”

You first entered our world when you were shooting a special for the Food Network. You were revisiting the Culinary Arts school you graduated from, where you learned to become a professional chef. I remember watching that episode. I found it while flipping through stations.

I thought nothing of it. And then later you showed up again on the Travel Channel with No Reservations. I used to watch your show all the time whenever I saw it on TV. Even the reruns.

I promised myself to read your book. But it wasn’t until this past year, almost twenty years later did I finally read and finish your first book, Kitchen Confidential.

Two days before you died I randomly watched a Vice YouTube video of you hanging out with your film crew. Getting happy drunk. Messing around at your old restaurant. A video I found randomly in the morning before heading out to work.

“Basic cooking skills are a virtue… the ability to feed yourself and a few others with proficiency should be taught to every young man and woman as a fundamental skill. [It’s] as vital to growing up as learning to wipe one’s own ass, cross the street by oneself, or be trusted with money.”

A world without you is a little less warm. A voice we grew to trust and know is missing. Forever.

My friend, you were an honest voice through this world’s chaos and madness.

“I don’t have an agenda, but I do have a point of view, and it might change from minute to minute.”

A fair critique of the lies. The situation of the world is already unsettling. But you did your best to bring the world we didn’t see and often didn’t think about to each one of our living rooms.

I call you my friend because I feel like I know you. I never met you. I never talked to you. I never wrote to you. We never texted. We never knew each other personally.

But I feel like I knew you. At least, how you presented yourself on TV. Your honesty about battling with addiction and depression spoke to me.

Every day I battle with depression. Every day I fight my anxiety. It never goes away.

Those of us who live with this disease only learn how to better cope. There are good days, and there are bad days. I have found myself sometimes isolated because I am often filled with anxiety in social situations. You were the example I wanted to replicate. The honest stoicism I wanted to emulate.

You used words like ingredients. You sautéed, tossed and served a collection of essays cooked to perfection. And served them fresh. Perfectly plated. An honest passion for the truth.

I had always wished to tell you all these things one day in person. One day you might have been willing to sit down at a table with me. Drink and eat to our heart’s content while talking about everything big and small.

“As you move through this life and this world you change things slightly, you leave marks behind, however small. And in return, life — and travel — leaves marks on you. Most of the time, those marks — on your body or on your heart — are beautiful. Often, though, they hurt.”

Dear Tony,

This is for you.

We will all miss you. You were gone too soon for this earth. You were too good for this earth. You were too good for us to keep.

The Brydge Keyboard is one of the most gorgeous designed iPad keyboard accessories. It’s also one of the worse.

With its patented hinge design, one can recreate a laptop experience while using their iPad. But Brydge’s lackluster Bluetooth technology leaves one frustrated and upset. Imagine a scenario where you tap a key only to find the letter not populating on the screen as it should.

Considering how much this keyboard costs it’s unacceptable.

Why it Matters

Deciding to make the iPad Pro as one’s primary computer requires you to have a quality keyboard setup. There are many Bluetooth keyboards to choose from. But few actually offer a near laptop like experience like the Brydge. Wanting to be able to use the iPad as a laptop, I opted for the Brydge keyboard.

Ordering the Brydge Keyboard
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I was lucky that Brydge was having a unique Father’s Day sale. For $150 they bundled the keyboard with a back cover designed to accommodate the Brydge’s hinges, a lighting cable, and the keyboard itself. How could I say no? What could possibly go wrong?

It took only a week for the keyboard to arrive. The ordering experience was seamless. It came a few days more than it would have had I ordered through Amazon Prime. Not a big deal.

Why I Wanted the Brydge Keyboard

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I decided to buy the Brydge keyboard because this is my second attempt at having an iPad as my main computing device. (More on that here).

With my first attempt, I switched between Apple’s Smart Keyboard setup and a clunky setup where I put my iPad in a tabletop holder while using a Bluetooth mechanical keyboard. (The Bluetooth mechanical keyboard didn’t take long to stop working. I should’ve realized this when it said it came with Bluetooth 3.0. I would offer that as an important example to my fellow keyboard enthusiasts. Never buy a keyboard with Bluetooth older than version 4.0. Otherwise, you’ll be sorry.)

The Brydge seem to offer the best of both worlds. A patented hinge design to hold the iPad tightly. A keyboard experience which looked like any Macbook keyboard (before the butterfly hinges). From every angle possible I could view the iPad. Instead of the two angles, Apple’s Smart Keyboard provided. Or a single angle most other keyboards offer.

But for what I paid I got everything I wanted … except for a decent keyboard.

The build quality looks superb. It’s built out of aluminum instead of plastic. When turned off, the keys feel and resemble all MacBook Pro keyboards before the 2016 butterfly keyboard nightmare. The hinges hold the iPad securely. The iPad is not going anywhere. You can slide the iPad out, but with some difficulty and a little strength.

Which is a good thing to also note: This is designed to turn your iPad into a laptop experience only.

Pulling the iPad out of the keyboard hinge, which can squeeze at the iPad, is somewhat tricky. Unlike other keyboards which are separate, or offer an easy detachment option. This iPad is designed to stay with the keyboard.

Usage

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When I started using the Brydge keyboard, I didn’t have any issues. When switching to a new keyboard, there is always an adjustment period. Getting a feel of different keys. How the keys react to tapping. Etc.

These keys felt normal. But they required hard tapping to work.

I would have to tap each key hard with my fingers to get a response. Thereby adjusting how I type. Fair enough.

Using this keyboard would then turn me into that annoying guy who taps loudly on his keyboard at the office or in a coffee shop. Screw it, I said to myself. I’ll give it a try.

I tried. It became frustrating. Not only having to hard tap every key but whenever the keyboard seemed to miss what I was typing. I went from fast typing my thoughts, to have to stop and go back, and correct, not to mention iOS’ autocorrect trying to complete a word I had no intention of writing. Slowing down my thought process and hindering my quality. This would not do.

A Beautifully Flawed Keyboard

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Switching back and forth provides an experience. It’s not perfect, but it works. I think it’s just something that will have to be improved. Already Brydge has released a new version for the 12.9 version of their keyboard. One which is thinner and the promise of better Bluetooth technology.

I look forward to reading those reviews. I also look forward to seeing if Brydge will release a new version of the keyboard I now have.

Will I return this keyboard? No.

Conclusion

It’s annoying, but it’s not the end of the world. Tapping hard is a different kind of typing. But the keyboard provides a good enough experience. Whenever it frustrates me, I will switch to the bulkier Logitech Slim Combo. (Why Logitech included the word ‘slim’ to describe that keyboard/case combo is more a sick joke on their part. It is anything but slim.)

Since then I am experimenting using the Apple Magic keyboard with the Canopy by Studio Neat. It’s not perfect, either. And so far nothing has proved as a worthy substitute to a laptop keyboard.

I will continue to search for the best keyboard setup.

I was waiting for Apple to release new MacBook models this past 2018 WWDC. That didn’t happen. As soon as Tim Cook said in his opening statement, “this is all about software,” I stopped paying attention.

Apple has an iPad problem. But more than that Apple has a Macbook problem. With Apple’s inability to decide to continue support the Mac line, or go all in iOS, a trillion dollar company leaves much to be desired.

A week later I found myself resolving to purchase an iPad Pro, again. I decided no matter what laptop Apple releases this year I would wait until next year. Had I known they would release their 2018 Macbook Pro models only a month later I might have not been so hasty.

Hindesite is always 20 / 20, they say.

In the past I have been one of those Appleheads who would take a day off from work to watch the WWDC. That way I would be uninterrupted and distracted by my work responsibilities. I finding less cause to do that. I find myself sometimes increasingly frustrated with the lack of innovation at Apple.

Does Apple still innovate? Not so much anymore. But Apple has certainly figured out how to make money.

Selling my iPad Pro Last Year

Since selling my 12.9 iPad Pro last year, I had been dreaming about replacing it with the perfect MacBook Pro. But maybe what I want from Apple will never happen. Maybe I am overthinking it? Maybe there are more important things with which to occupy my time? So many maybes and so many scenarios while saved money burns red in my pocket.

Money that should’ve stayed in my savings went toward an electronic consumption device.

Visions of the 10.5 iPad Pro began dancing in my head. 10.5 would present itself as the perfect size and solution to all my problems.

I could hold it like a tablet at home and yet use it as a full computer. I knew this was possible. It would require a lot tweaking. A lot of adapting. But there were ways to use the iPad almost like that of a full fledged desktop level computer. Or full fledged level laptop.

The temporary solution. A cheaper solution. And then maybe, if I decide so, I’ll get a MacBook in 2019. Or maybe a Windows machine. Or day I say it … maybe a Chromebook?

After making up my mind I pulled the trigger.

With the extra set of knowledge at my fingertips. I did a few things different this time around.

No Smart Keyboard

I opted to not get the Apple Smart Keyboard. I remember not enjoying it. It was not comfortable to type on and often slowed me down. Though, considerably thinner than some of the other options, it proved too restrictive in practice.

Also the extra weight of the keys on the end of the Smart Keyboard when used as a cover often flapped open at the end.

Logitech Slim Combo

I went with the Logitech Slim Combo for the 10.5. From what I read, the biggest complaint for this Keyboard was how much bulk it adds to the iPad.

With a keyboard (the only other keyboard which uses the Smart Connector, other than Apple’s keyboard), and cover, and a hinge on the back allowing one multiple view angles. I also decided other keyboard options since I had budgeted myself for a laptop. I could spend a little more on other keyboards and try to find out which might work best for me.

What I Love about the Logitech Slim Combo

So far I really enjoy typing with this keyboard. The keys are a bit closer together. But typing on this feels good. I tried mechanical keyboards for a bit. But it used Bluetooth 3.0. It eventually proved useless and not as effective.

Loving the hinge. With an ability to use multiple viewing angles, is such a nice change from the Apple Smart Keyboard that folded into one single viewing angle. The hinge takes up more real estate just being there, but now I can disconnect my keyboard, and use it with my iPad, if all I need is to have my iPad prompt somewhere. Already, this has come in handy when I’m cooking and need my only my iPad so I can view any recipe I might be cooking that day.

The slot for the Apple Pencil. It’ just a nice addition. The Apple Pencil is there whenever I need it. Also, I won’t forget it or forget about it if I had left it in my backpack.

What I Don’t Like about the Slim Combo

It’s very thick. The plus side of this is I know my iPad is protected. But, yeah. It’s thick in my backpack.

The keyboard falls off and it’s loose. This is a minor fault. I just need to remember the keyboard isn’t really attached. It’s connected. So, when I pick up the iPad and the Slim Combo, I need to pick up the keyboard, or at least, close it, before I take it with me somewhere else.

The hinge is also a pain now that it takes up more space than before. So, I have to be aware of it where ever I put it.

Apps

I’ve learned a bit more since my last try with an iPad Pro. I also purchased this right before the release of iOS 11. At the time I was anticipating all the features iOS 11 promised for the iPad back during Apple’s 2017 WWDC. But iOS 11 took a long time to be bug free. It took just as long for most apps to update and start utilizing some of iOS 11 features, along with the power available in an iPad Pro.

It’s so much better now. I should’ve just wait a year for iOS 11 to mature, along with the apps. At iOS 11.4, Apple seems to have worked out most of the kinks. I have learned my lesson: I will not be updating to iOS 12 until version .3. It’s just too risky to do so right away.

Sorry Apple … but you’re going to need to earn our trust back on this one.

Games

Man! Some of the games now available, like Civilization VI, would not have been considered possible a year ago. This thing is like a laptop, but not.

Civilization VI is not cheap so I have yet purchased the full version. I’m waiting for the eventual sale to bring the price down. I never thought I would be playing this game on an iPad Pro.

Misc

There are still a lot of things I have yet to learn. I’m going to take more time to seriously learn about everything I can do with the iPad Pro. Along with how to utilize some of the available apps. And one other thing ….

I want to learn how to Code via the iPad. Yes! If this is where we are heading, I might as well learn how to code here first. Maybe I will be more ready than before to develop my own apps? Who knows?

Regardless, the iPad Pro is once again my main computer for writing. For the time being.

It’s a challenge to write.

Every morning waking up with the determination to write. Or getting home after work to devote time to writing. Or to crawling into bed so you can write for a short moment before going to sleep.

No matter when you do writing it’s always a challenge.

A challenge to be productive. A challenge to be consistent. A challenge to never stop.

The challenge to push yourself every day to write words. Fill a white screen with black words. Or fill a sheet of paper with inked words.

You have no other choice but to write. It drives you.

 

You Are a Writer
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Photo by sydney Rae on Unsplash

I am a writer.

And if you write, then you’re also a writer. Every one of us who sits behind a desk to write a blog post, to write a story, to write an article — are all writers. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.

Those who doubt you, those who disbelieve you, — they are not your friends. They do not care about you. If they did, they would support you.

Remove the doubters from your life. Have the courage to keep only the persons who put faith in your passion.

Famous or Not
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Photo by Austin Chan on Unsplash

Who cares if you’re not famous? It doesn’t matter.

Your desire to tell a story in words makes you a writer. It’s all about surrendering to your passion. If that passion involves writing, then you are indeed a writer.

Once you tell yourself you are a writer instead of telling yourself you want to be a writer will be like night and day. Confidence will come out of nowhere because you have started believing in yourself.

Don’t let go of that feeling!

Don’t Let Yourself Get Discouraged

Sometimes I get up, and I can’t for the life of me write.

I get bitter because the only time I have to write is early in the morning before work.

I too want nothing more than to spend my full-time writing. But life never happens the way we want it. We have to be willing to adapt. Willing to overcome any obstacle placed in our way. Ready to never quit.

I haven’t yet found a way to make a living off of my writing. But I won’t quit if you won’t stop.

 

We All Doubt Ourselves

Even though negative thoughts run through my head, I do not let them become a reality. They’re only thoughts. We all have them. We all worry. We’re human.

None of us is perfect.

We all have that friend who’s Instagram account is full of filtered pictures of them traveling the world.

Don’t get jealous. Be happy for them. Let their success motivate you to try to achieve the same kind of success.

 

Conclusion
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Photo by Wu Jianxiong on Unsplash

Every day is a challenge.

Each morning you have proven yourself worthy of the challenge by waking up.

Now apply that simple act to your passion. Be it writing or photography or whatever excites your senses.

Never stop challenging yourself.