Erica Kramer's Blog

My husband David and I have had our house on the market for over a year. We even had a buyer and three days before closing, things went haywire and the deal fell through. My house was (and still is for the most part) packed up. So here we are living mostly packed and our house back on the market.

During this year-long ordeal, my feelings regarding selling our first home have yo-yo-ed. One day I want to cry, sad to leave my first house. I end up wanting to spend the rest of my days in the house where David and I rebuilt our lives after restoration. Other times I want to speed up the process and move onto the next chapter of our lives.

I expressed my feelings to David and was a little surprised that he also is experiencing the same yo-yo feelings of should we stay or should we go.  Funny enough though his reasons were more practical whereas mine were mostly emotional and nostalgic.

I am reminded of a time in my life where my feelings drastically changed from one minute to the next. David was gone and living his life. One day I would cry wanting to save my marriage and keep the vows I made to my husband. Sometimes the crying was for a much less noble reason and I wanted to ring his neck for betraying me. Other days, I vowed to move on with my life and not care about him as much as he didn't care about me. It was an exhaustive time in my life.

After David and I reconciled, he admitted to me that he too faced those same yo-yo feelings. He often times considered returning home and then decided against it for one reason or another. I was shocked to hear such a revelation. I would have never guessed it. He always seemed so sure of his decision to leave.

Are you experiencing the "Should I stand or should I go" conundrum? I have learned and have been reminded that emotions and feelings are poor substitutes for God's guidance. Our emotions are so unsteady and swaying just like a yo-yo. But God is constant and His word never changes.

In retrospect, I can see how the enemy was at play in those days. Fueled by anger and melancholy usually ended in my decision to no longer stand in the gap. My most rational and spirit filled decisions came from God's word and through meditation.

If you find yourself yoyoing emotionally, I urge you to stand firm and grab ahold of the constant rock that never changes and offers a solid ground to STAND firm on.

If you want to know what God wants you to do, ask him, and he will gladly tell you, for he is always ready to give a bountiful supply of wisdom to all who ask him; he will not resent it. But when you ask him, be sure that you really expect him to tell you, for a doubtful mind will be as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind; and every decision you then make will be uncertain, as you turn first this way and then that. If you don’t ask with faith, don’t expect the Lord to give you any solid answer.

                                                                                                                       James 1:5-8

P.S. For the meantime, David and I decided to stay a little longer in our home. God worked it out for our overall good and it had nothing to do with my nostalgia.

I am so moved and blessed. Thanks to all of you who have supported me, my book, My Restoration Journey, is in Amazon's Top 100 books in the NonFiction - Divorce Category.This is so important to me because it can be seen by non-believers searching for comfort and guidance. It's a way to introduce Christ in such a loving and powerful way.
If you have read my book, please consider leaving a rating on Amazon. You can do so anonymously if you choose. Each rating helps keep the book visible.

Thank You,Erica

I have tried many times to start a post and each time I haven't felt the spirit move me to write. I have literally sat at my laptop and stared at a blank screen urging the spirit in me. However, the spirit doesn't move that way. While in prayer this morning, I asked God to help me understand the disconnect I felt. He told me to seek Him more. Read more. Pray more. Endure it better.

In my life I have been facing a trial that has beaten me down immensely for over a year. I have had my ups and downs winning and losing battles. It seems lately that my losses outweigh my victories and for lack of a better term I feel defeated. I am tired and can barely lift my hands for another round of battles.

I realized that today in reading and in prayer. I have not endured my suffering well. That shames me. I have allowed bitterness, reluctance, confusion and doubt in my life. The constant battles wore me down and I allowed it. I thought back to my days of  being the most content with Christ and it was during one of the most difficult trials of my life. Yet during that time, I had such a strong relationship with God that I had joy in the midst of my trial.  Why don't I have that now?

I have become complacent in my walk with God. My brain knows what the bible says but somewhere along the way, my heart forgot it. I know God loves me but somewhere along the way my heart doesn't quite remember so much. I know I love God but somewhere along the way I got caught up in life and my relationship with Him took a backseat. How did this happen?! I go to church twice a week. I serve in ministry...a lot! I pray for a few miinutes before bed or when I wake up. I read my bible plan almost everyday on the Bible App. I pray for people and over people. It isn't enough.

My shell of an empty Christian life is most evident in the depths of my heart. In the disconnect I felt during prayer when I realized it had been such a long tme that I actually waited quietly for God to speak to me rather than me doing all the talking, as had become my custom. The silence was awful. The response even worse. I realized how my daily plans and short prayers were pointless and a waste of time. God wants my heart and not my gestures. He wants me to endure trials better because it is during those trials that I should draw nearer and closer to Him and then I will be victorious through Him and only Him. He urged me to pray more, read more and endure it better.

My complacency, while wrong, is not what bothers me most. It was my lack to endure my trial better. I belittled my God. I made Him small in my world. I made Him insignificant. I hurt Him with my unwillingness to allow Him to fight for me. Lord, I am sorry.

Have you been beaten down by trials? Has your walk with God become routine? Are you enduring trials and life well?

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various [c]trials,3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces [d]endurance. 4 And let[e]endurance have its perfect [f]result, so that you may be [g]perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4

I am the type of a person that when I do something, I give it 150% right from the beginning. That can be both good and bad. I get worn out mentally and spiritually when I have ten things going at once and giving each one my all. I have come to learn that my desire to get things going and moving is commendable but not always prosperous or blessed. I have learned the hard way (I'm a bit stubborn), that I can not do everything on my own.

I have a desire in my heart to help marriages flourish in Christ and that is often times overwhelming and draining. Then there is my desire to write. I love to write and read. I want to be an author inspiring readers. I also love designing graphics and event planning and photography and ministry work and my family and friends and my children and my husband and God. Couple that with the things I don't really care for (cooking, cleaning, editing) and I really don't have a lot of time to devote 150% to each thing I love.

My time away has done me good. I have been able to step away from all of the things that I love and taken a look at what is most important and what God is calling me to do. I have truly missed A Precious Vessel and I feel renewed and refreshed, eager to get things rolling again. However, God is still pulling back the reigns a little. My posts won't be daily but will always be spirit led and I know that is more important. I am grateful that God has shown me that burning out helps no one and He is leading me to take things slowly so that I can still be a good wife, good mom and a good steward while still shining light with His word.

I pray you all can be patient with me and know that you are all in my prayers as I transition back into trying to encourage you.

Erica

I am amazed at how God moves in my life. Opportunities to use His gifts are abundant and I am happy to strive and do all I can for His kingdom. However, I also know the tactic of busyness keeping me from me being a good daughter to my heavenly Father, a good wife to my husband and a good mother to my children.
My own personal relationship with Christ, being a good wife and a good mother are my first ministries and priorities. If I am unable to be a good stewart in those areas of my life, how can I ever believe that I can be successful in any other ministry or area of my life? God has given me a gift and I want to treasure my husband and my children.
Having said that, I wanted to let you all know that I am taking some time away from A Precious Vessel and My Restoration Journey to focus on my first ministries. You are all in my prayers and I will check in every now and then, when the Lord leads me to reach out to you.
In the meantime, be blessed and put God first in your life. Seek Christ above all things.
God Bless You,Erica & Family

Hello Beautiful Readers! Today my post is serving two purposes, so be sure to read all the way down to the bottom.

Yesterday afternoon, after sitting on my couch stuffed from all of the BBQ, a relative of mine came in and sat on the couch. This particular relative is not a born again Christian. I believe this young man keeps God at arm's length, for reasons to many to list. Nevertheless when he seeks my or David's advice we always counsel from a Christian perspective. While I don't expect him to jump up after hearing our advice and proclaiming he is a born again Christian (although maybe I should), I do believe that David and I are planting seeds so that God will nuture and water how He see fit. Our job is to plant the seed. Amazingly enough, I have seen the little sprouts in his faith and it is quite wonderful to see. To God be the glory!

I wasn't always so brave to give Christian counsel. I could blame it on wisdom or lack thereof. I could blame it not finding the words because I don't know the bible as I probably should.  I am actually quite shy around those I don't know well, so I could blame it on my timid nature. I dislike confrontation, so I could blame it on keeping my peace. I could blame it on so many other things, but in reality my hindrance was fear.

I feared that I didn't have enough wisdom, enough bible study, enough boldness, enough backbone, enough of anything. My fear controlled me. I had to recgnize that if God called me to do it than He would give me the wisdom, the words, the boldness, the courage and everything else I need to JUST DO IT!

So having said that, I am calling all of you encouragers! I am in search of a few admins to help sow seeds into the My Restoration Journey Facebook Group and some to write encouraging posts that will be featured here on the blog and on the facebook page. Be a blessing to someone else, even in the midst of your own struggle.

Pen named encourages are more than welcome for I know that we want to encourage but do not want to use our real names. So if that is you, please feel free to use a pen name. I will train those who are may need a little help with the techincal side of things, which is very, very minimal.

Is the holy spirit been nudging you? If so, please contact me here or inbox me on Facebook for more details!

But the one who plants in response to God, letting God’s Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life. Galatians 6:8 MSG

Sunday is my twelfth wedding anniversary. I am super excited and not for any particular reason other than I am celebrating being victorious in marriage one more year. This year was a doozy but we fought the good fight of faith and live to celebrate another anniversary. To God be the glory!


Thank you God for restoring me to You and then restoring him to me.I ask for your protection over my marriage and the marriages of those fighting the good fight.May You be the one to always shine through.

You have probably heard it many time before, "God can do all things" or "God is all powerful". So how is it that little old human you, has the power to tie the hands of the Creator of Heaven and Earth and all living things? You probably didn't even know that you had that power.

Well actually, it's more like a curse than a power. When you choose to follow your own way, you tie God's hands to bring about His will for your life. When you choose to live separately from God you tie his hands to give your His promises. When you speak cursings upon others (name calling & slander) you tie God's hands to bless you with the ability to disciple. When you choose to doubt His word because they are going badly you tie His hands to deliver you from your persecution. When you stop believing and fighting the good fight of faith, you tie God's hands to deliver the victory.
Let go and let God. Love and honor Him. Speak life. Have faith. Trust in Him.

I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.  When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen.  When you come looking for me, you’ll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed. Jeremiah 29:11-14

I get asked lots of question from wives who are standing or simply having marital troubles and I am always amazed at how someone on one side of the country is experiencing the exact same thing as someone else a thousand miles away. So I have decided that every Wednesday I will answer your thought provoking questions. And by all means, please feel free to send me your questions and I will try to answer them on Wednesday's blog post which I have dubbed Wondering Wednesdays.

My spouse wants nothing to do with me. I was wondering how can I show them I've changed or convince them we can work it out?
More often than not, I get this question asked in two parts. The fact that I get this question asked in two parts (show them I've changed and convince them to work it out) is very telling. It tells me where the heart and mind of a stander is. Last week I touched on a little on this question. (Click here to read WW #5).
Whether your spouse wants nothing to do with you because of you (your words, attitude, actions, etc..) or because of them (they've moved on, hardened heart, etc...), wanting to make your marriage work is a painful experience. I often say and will continue to say that God is allowing your journey for a purpose and the main purpose is for restoration with Him BEFORE restoration with your spouse. Let me be clear. God DID NOT cause your marital problems, but He is waiting in the wings ready and able to be the husband you need (for wife standers) and an example of a what a good husband is (for husband standers).
He wants you to seek to please Him first and show HIM you've changed. Your spouse is secondary in the matter. Let me repeat...your spouse is secondary in the matter. Now, I'm sure there are some of you that think that is a load of bull. Congratulations for proving my point. How much have you really changed if you are more concerned with pleasing your spouse above God? Your words can fool me, Aunt Sue and Uncle Hugh but God can not be fooled. Check your heart and ask yourself if you have made an idol of your husband and even your marriage restoration above please God.
Convincing my hubby to work it out isn't my area of expertise. I failed at that more times than I care to count, but for the sake of this post I will give you a few examples. I wrote David a letter. FAIL. I begged. FAIL. I cried. FAIL. I argued. FAIL. I used the kids as an excuse (although valid, I was thinking more of myself... A big regret of mine). FAIL. I called him mercilessly. BIG FAIL. I quoted him scripture. BIGGEST FAIL. Those were all manipulation tactics. 
I had to learn (after so many fails) that my job wasn't to convince or manipulate David to work it out. In retrospect, I am so glad that I had failed at convincing David to return. I had to learn what it felt like to be truly loved and how to truly love to know that I shouldn't have to convince or manipulate my spouse to come home. I only learned that after falling in love with Jesus and seeing how much He truly loved me and equally important, how much I purely loved Him. David had to have an encounter with God so he could find a relationship with God as I had. It was then that he decided he WANTED to come home, I didn't have to convince him of anything.
Here is my advice for you. Aim to please God and not man. Develop a loving relationship with God. And pray for your spouse to have an encounter with God. Not for the purpose of coming home because that is still making an idol of restoration. But because you want your spouse to have a relationship with God that will change his life for the better. 

It is mind blowing to sit outside and watch nature. In the span of a few minutes, one can see clouds move, the sun shine, birds airborne, bugs in the dirt, bees on flowers, leaves on trees rustling in the wind. Hours later you can look up at the moon and stars, hear an owl hoot but not hear the chirping of birds. A firefly passes by illuminating the sky for a quick moment and a dog barks in the distance. All of this happens in the span of 24 hours and then repeats itself. Nothing changes it. We always have daytime, whether we can see the sun through the clouds or not. Night time always arrives at its appointed time. Birds are flying whether in the north or the south. Fish are swimming.

God created it all. Every living thing. Everyday, there is so much going on in the natural simultaenously that we don't see with the naked eye or simply don't give our attention to. Bees creating honey and hives, worms making holes in the soil, birds building nests, waves crashing against the shore, the sun setting and rising and the moon waiting its turn. There is such order and a delicate balance, its simply miraculous.

But us humans in our weaknesses and limited knowledge doubt God's ability to keep His promises. He made the heavens and the earth. He made us. Can He truly not restore your family, marriage, health, finances or friendships? Of course He can! We just need to take a look around and marvel at His works and all He can do. He is everywhere. Have faith in Him.