Richard Stephens's Blog

[image error]

Santa Monica Bay, California,

Summer of 1982

“Wow! What an awesome day to be on the water,” Denise yelled to her boyfriend Thomas, as he trimmed the sails of his boat.

He smiled back, “Every day’s a great day to be on the water.”

“Oh, silly, you know what I mean.”

The late afternoon sun hung high over the dark blue Pacific Ocean, and a warm August wind blew a steady twelve knots from the Northwest. It really was a great day to be sailing, Thomas thought to himself, especially if you happen to be young and in love. Thomas reached across the small cockpit, made a final adjustment on the jib, and sat back to watch the love of his life steer their boat over slowly growing swells. Watching the wind whip through her long red hair, he shivered at the thought that she was his – his for the rest of their lives if today went as he had planned.

“So where do we want to go?” she asked.

“Anywhere you take me.”

“You’re too easy on me you know.” Denise brushed a lock of hair from her eyes.

“I’d follow you to the ends of the earth and back, if you’d let me.”

“I wish you’d be serious.”

“I am serious.”

“I’m afraid I believe you,” she replied, looking over at Thomas.

“Is that so bad?”

“No…not at all, it’s just that…I don’t know. It’s just that sometimes I’m just afraid I won’t live up to your expectations, Thomas.”

“Baby, the only thing I expect from you is your love.”

“You really are easy on me, yah know? And Thomas…I do love you.”

When he wasn’t rigging boats at the local boat yard, Thomas taught sailing at Harbor Charters, which is where he met his redheaded teenage love. Denise, formerly a student of Thomas’s, showed a natural ability on the water and soon became an instructor herself. From there she quickly joined the marina scene.

“I love you too.” Thomas carefully pulled a small box from his pocket, doing it so Denise couldn’t see it.

“This is all just so perfect,” Denise shouted out to the sea, “I wish today could last forever.” Thomas smiled in agreement. “Why are you looking at me that way?” She asked.

“I have a question,” Thomas replied, suddenly feeling very nervous, something he rarely felt on the water.

“Okay…”

“Denise, would you marry me?” He held in his hand the open box; a small diamond ring sparkled in the sun.

A smile spread across her wind blushed face. “Yes, Thomas!” she squealed. “Of course I’ll marry you.” Side by side they sailed back to the marina, chatting happily about their future.

Two days later she simply vanished.

[image error]


Available at Amazon

" );
I am an island in a sea of ignoranceSalty Tails in conversation with Cuervo, a yellow lab, and Tawny, a cocker spaniel

[image error]

Marina del Rey, CA

Speaking of throwing up, I hadn’t smelled the dogs in a few minutes. I found them out on the bow of the boat, looking at the water. I knew I was probably going to regret it but I had to ask. What are we looking at?

Do you see that bunch of seagulls? Cuervo barked. The humble seagull is the bane of Cuervo existence, besides to me.

No, Cuervo, it’s a flock, I replied.

What’s a flock?

The seagulls, it’s a flock of seagulls.

I don’t get it.

There called a flock: a flock of birds, a pack of wolves, a school of fish, a pod of whales, and a herd of horses.

Cuervo looked back and forth between me and Tawny. She said to Cuervo, Salty’s right you know?

Why isn’t it a school of seagulls and a herd of fishes?

I swear it’s like talking to a two-year-old.

It’s fish not fishes, and it’s a school of fish because I said so.

Okay, but did you see them?

See who?

The seagulls!

Yes Cuervo, I see the flock of seagulls. What about them.

You see how they’re all floating together like that? I think they’re planning something.

I was positive I was going to regret asking this next question, So, what do you think a flock of seagulls is planning there, big guy? World domination?

No! Not the world, but the marina probably. Cuervo cocked his head in thought. You know, the way dogs do that make humans go “aww, how cute. That’s got to be it, he whispered, the seagulls…and probably the squirrels in the park are planning to take over the marina, and probably the fish will help, but they can’t do much seeing how they’re under the water an all.

Tawny’s jaw dropped. She looked at Cuervo before turning to me, He means well—doesn’t he?

Have fun with that mystery, sweetheart. I’ve given up trying to figure him out.

In an attempt to keep what remaining brain cells I had, I quickly retreated back to the more intelligent life forms and the food. At least the dogs were out of the way for the moment.

 

Read more of Salty’s misadventure at Amazon 

The post Salty Tails: A conversation with Cuervo appeared first on Catnip & Dog Biscuits.

" );
[image error]
An introduction from author Salty Tails, Author of Pirate Tales

 

Ahoy there to all my new friends, my name is Salty Tails.

Have you ever wondered what your favorite four-legged friend was saying behind your back? Or right to your face, for that matter? Your cat’s meow, your dog’s bark, or your horse’s whinny. The answer is a lot, and though I can’t speak for all of your furry companions, some of us are quite clever.

Take the majestic horse, for example. Although I have not come across many of the equine species first hand, those I have met were surprisingly intelligent, even if they are scared of everything.

By contrast, my experience with the canine group has been most disappointing. It’s true that the dog is considered man’s best friend, and for some poor unfortunate souls, that might be so, but this doesn’t mean your tail-wagging friend is the most intelligent character at the pound.

Cuervo, my drooling crime solving partner, is a prime example. In his case, looks are not deceiving. Please don’t get me wrong; as a companion I can’t put a price on Cuervo’s loyalty. Then again, even a pet rock is loyal. But when it comes to brains, Cuervo is a few bones short of a full rack.

Now, if you’re looking for real intellect in a companion, adopt a cat like me. Never has a more noble – not to mention good looking – animal ever been created.

It’s true, some might consider my opinion towards their beloved canine companions overly biased. My simple response to these ignorant fools is, “Why have opinions if you’re not going to share them?”

I live with my human partner, Stormy McGuire, on a houseboat in Marina del Rey, California. When not sleeping, eating, or sailing the high seas with Stormy, I’m watching my favorite soap opera, The Days of Stormy’s Life. Talk about drama. I’m constantly amazed at the predicaments Stormy finds himself in. Add into that a cast of characters as eclectic as the tales themselves and I guarantee you’ll be entertained. To be honest, you simply couldn’t make up some of the messes he gets into. As far as I’m concerned, reality TV has nothing on Stormy’s calamity-filled life.

So, after rigorous negotiations, Richard Stephens has agreed to help me share Stormy’s many misadventures with you, my adoring public. Why did I need to collaborate with a mere human you might ask? Have you ever tried to type with paws? Besides, I find pushing buttons on a keyboard all day much too menial for an intellectual dramatist such as myself.

I hope you enjoy reading Pirate Tales, as much as I enjoyed sharing it with you.

Salty Tails

[image error]

 

 

[image error]

Pirate Tales is available for only $0.99 through Feb. 14th

The post Pirate Tales, a book with cattitude appeared first on Catnip & Dog Biscuits.

 Yes, my cat is my muse…

[image error]It’s true, my cats are a ceaseless source of entertainment and fuel for my books. And I love everything about them. Their crazy catnip antics, their condescending attitude toward all other life forms, but most of all the way they melt your heart with their purr. With few exceptions I have always had a cat in my life and currently live with three. Two big fluffy black tuxedos of Maine Coon decent and a little black fuzz ball named Cara. All three were adopted or rescued.

It was during one of those few times in my life when I was without a cat to serve that I started my life as a fiction writer. In fact, when I started with my first book it really had nothing at all to do with a cat (I thought it would be a simple sailing story). Then, somewhere amidst the third or fourth chapter Salty Tails showed up. I don’t know from where he came, and I’m quite certain I didn’t invite him. But as cats tend to do, he soon took over my life. With his new and often twisted perspective of life, dogs, and humans, my writing took off in a whole new direction. The experience was beyond anything I’d experienced before. His words, his viewpoints, and his tales simply captivated me. And before long I’d finished not one, but three Salty Tails cozy mysteries.

[image error]“Why have opinions if you’re not going to share?”

Salty Tails

Salty truly believes he is master of all, except his stomach. This is where humans come in. Salty believes humans are here to feed and entertain him. If you ask him he’ll tell you that humans are just one big soap opera for him to watch. And don’t get me started on his disdain for dogs.

Salty and I still work together, with some help from my own three black fuzzy beasts. More recently Salty has introduced me to his crime solving cat buddy, Rusty Nails. Like Salty, who lives and works with a two legged servant named Stormy, Rusty’s lives with a Portland, ME. detective named Murph. And both have more attitude than charm.

Read all of Salty Tails and Rusty Nails books on Amazon

The post My cat is my Muse appeared first on Catnip & Dog Biscuits.

I love to read the old Noir detective novels. Those fedora wearing sharp tongued men of action with their quick fist and quicker wit. As my writing career grew, I always new I would someday try my hand at this genre. But of course it would need my humorous feline twist. Meet Rusty Nails, (Cat Detective) and his human crime solving partner, Murph.

Nail; noun, (rus´te nãl)

1, a tapered, pointed piece of metal, coated with rust, driven with a hammer as to  join pieces of wood.

  2, an alcoholic beverage made with Drambuie and Scotch.

  3, an orange, tabby colored feline  detective that lives in  Portland Maine with his partner,  Patrick ‘Murph’ Murphy

***

Author’s Note:

While I don’t condone giving alcohol to cats,

the occasional sniff of catnip  is considered quite acceptable .

***

  Somewhere through the haze, I heard her heels clack across the tile floor. The outer door opened and closed. Suddenly, blinding light flooded the room. I squinted at her through eyes as mucky as a Maine mud season. Arms crossed, Cookie O’Brian, our leggy redheaded secretary, scanned the room, her eyes stopping on me. “Have you been letting Rusty Nails drink again?” An orange tabby, I’m named after Murph’s medication of choice, which I suppose is better than a Fuzzy Navel.

  Patrick ‘Murph’ Murphy lifted his head from his desk; a yellow sticky note with a phone number was stuck to his temple. Shielding his eyes from the light, he said, “You know I hate to drink alone.”

“Just because you want to drown your life in booze is no reason to drag your cat down with you.”

  Women, always on you about something, I growled. Leaving the light on, she turned and went to her desk. I rolled over and covered my eyes with a paw, knocking an empty Styrofoam cup on the floor.

A few minutes later the office door opened and closed. “Excuse me,” a female voice said. “Is a, ah… Mr. Murphy in?”

“That’s open to debate,” Cookie snickered. “Do you have an appointment?” You would think that as our secretary, Cookie would know if the woman had an appointment, but then Murph isn’t known for his communication skills. Like me, Murph is a man of action.

“No, I don’t have an appointment…Do I need one?”

“Only if you want him to be awake.” That Cookie, she’s a riot, isn’t she?

Murph lifted his head, pulled the sticky note off, and squinted into the light. “Tell her I’ll be with her in a minute.” I sat up and looked past him. A wet snow blew against our grimy 2nd story window. Murphy rubbed his eyes and said, “Time to earn our paycheck buddy.” While I stretched and yawned, Murph ran his scarred hands through his short, sandy hair and shuffled some papers on his desk. “Send her in, Cookie, and bring some coffee?”

“Yes, master.”

***

You can download your copy of Rusty Nails (Cat Detective) Walter’s Folly at Amazon for only 0.99

The post Rusty Nails (Cat Detective) appeared first on Catnip & Dog Biscuits.

   Not only is Pirate Tales the first story I ever published, it is in fact the first story I wrote, not that it started out that way. I thought I was writing a series of short stories based on a sailing theme. In fact at least two of the chapters in the final book were really short story ideas that blossomed. (The Dance & the end of Ugly Business) And I’m not ashamed to say the first draft wasn’t very pretty. But in the end it only took me a little over two and a half years and 3 billion re-writes to get Pirate Tales into read worthy condition. My first recommendation new writers? Learn to embrace the delete button.

I’m often asked about my writing style, or where does my inspiration come from. Two words: SALTY TAILS. My furry alter ego simply showed up one day and took over my life. He wasn’t planned or even wanted, but in the end, I feel we make a pretty good team. As long as he thinks he’s in charge. I’m often asked if Salty Tails is a real cat? Well yes…and no.

Salty is a blend of several real cats, including the three I live with. But, if I had to pick the one that influences me the most it would have to be Fiona Murphy. A rescued farm cat, Fiona is a big, black tuxedo with a whole lotta Maine Coon mixed in. And yes, she is definitely in charge. She’s the one who demanded her picture be placed on the cover of all my Salty Tails mysteries. And like Salty, Fiona loves food, all food. Unlike Salty and his human servants, we don’t allow any of our kitty’s to eat human food. This concept in the books is pure fantasy on Salty’s part.

Pirate Tales

Salty Tails is a sarcastic dog-hating cat, who thinks humans are here for two things only; to feed and entertain him. To that end, Salty lives with his human partner, the emotionally scarred, Thomas “Stormy” McGuire, on a houseboat in Marina del Rey.

While Salty and Stormy are investigating a string of stolen boats, a friend is found dead in the water. It’s up to Stormy and Salty to find the connection. As if Stormy didn’t have enough to deal with, he suddenly finds himself the target of two women. One he thinks he’s in love with, the second claims only to be a friend. Can Stormy’s wounded heart survive?

Set sail with Salty as he shares his bi-coastal tale of love and intrigue.

Pirate Tales is now available for only $0.99
Download Today

 

Share the fun

The post Writing Pirate Tales With My Cat appeared first on Catnip & Dog Biscuits.

These days most of my time is spent writing content for other businesses. And I often find it a mystery how I can get so busy writing for everyone else, that I forget I’ve written and published 3 books of my own. This post is as much a reminder for me as it is for those that haven’t yet enjoyed our humorously romantic, Salty Tails, Cozy Mystery series.

Whether your hanging at the beach, the pool, or your backyard lounge chair, a Salty Tails mystery is guaranteed to bring a few hours of salty fun and adventure. And of course all three tales are told with Salty’s sarcastic opinion of humans, dogs, and life.

To quote: “Humans are here for two reasons, and two reason only, to feed and entertain me!”

So what are you waiting for? Download a copy of Pirate Tales, Vanished Tales, or Obsession Tales today for only 0.99 each. Or all three for $2.97. Wow, thats cheaper than a cup of coffee these days.

All of our Mystery Tales are available in print & ebook on
Amazon

 

Share the fun

The post It’s A Mystery appeared first on Catnip & Dog Biscuits.

Yes, it’s mid March and Spring has sprung, not that we had much of a winter here in the great white Northeast. I think I only got the snowshoes out once all winter. As the snow melts away and the ground begins to thaw, my thoughts turn to warm sunny days on the water. It also reminds me of the many projects waiting for me to start, and finish, before the fun can begin.

Part of this process is my annual pilgrimages to the many and varied local boat shows. Last Saturday was one of my favorites, the Maine Boat Builders Show, in Portland, ME. As I meander through the long rows of boats, tools, and accessories, I mentally rub my hands together in anticipation. Soon I will remove the protective cocoon from my sleek hibernating sloop. After a thorough spring-cleaning, we begin this year’s big project: repairing and painting the tired old topside (This is the space between the water and the railing for you non-boaters) and giving it a shinny new finish, and color. We’re thinking teal maybe. Nothing changes the look of a boat more than the color and condition of her haul.

Last year we scrapped and sanded, and sanded, and sanded, and varnished, and varnished, and varnished all the old, paint chipped teak in the cockpit. Yes it was a lot of work, but well worth the effort. It looks great and no more splinters in the butt. Owning an old boat can be challenging, but the time spent on her, both working and sailing is well worth the sweat, and blood, spilled to make her beautiful.

The sailing season is short here in Maine. For this reason we truly appreciate any time we get to spend on the water. And as far as I’m concerned, life is to short to sail an ugly boat.

So here’s to warm sunny days. May they warm your skin and our soul.
See you on the water.

For more fun in the sun download one, or all of my Salty Tails Cozy Mystery’s @ Amazon

Share the fun

The post Warm Sunny Days appeared first on Catnip & Dog Biscuits.

Romance, Mystery, & Laughs

The big, fun loving, and carefree, JD Parker has finally fallen in love with his french super model girlfriend, Bijou Laflair. Feeling way over his head for probably the first time in his life, he comes to his best friend Stormy for advice on romance.

 

“Bijou is flying home today.” JD sounded like a little boy waiting for his first puppy to arrive.

“It’s only been two weeks, JD.”

“I know but…I don’t know what it is, Stormy, but there’s something special about her. I’ve never felt like this about a woman. It’s starting to scare me a little.”

Stormy took a deep breath and smiled. “So it’s official now.”

“What?”

“The mighty bachelor has actually fallen in love.”

“Really? Is that what this is all about?”

“Yup.”

“Interesting.” This made Stormy laugh. “So what do I do now?” JD asked, he sounded serious.

“JD, can you imagine your life without Bijou in it?”

“No way.”

“Then I think you need to make a commitment to her.”

“Okay, good. How do I do that?”

Stormy shook his head and chuckled. “You might try asking her to marry you.”

“Marry me! Huh, I guess I could do that. Do you think it will work?”

“Yes JD, I think it will work.”

“You’re sure, Stormy? I don’t want to mess things up with her.”

“Yes JD, I’m as sure as anyone can be when it come to the female species. From what I’ve heard from Monica, Bijou is as crazy about you as you are her, although I’m still questioning her sanity.”

Read Obsession Tales, or any of our Salty Tales funny romance mystery’s for only 0.99 each. Or better yet, get all three for only $2.97
Amazon
Share the fun

The post The mighty bachelor falls in love appeared first on Catnip & Dog Biscuits.

Peacefully I sit, gazing out the glass panes
Watching silent white flakes dance toward the frozen ground
The old wooden rocker creaks below my tired form
*
Closing my fading eyes, I open the portal to my youth
The familiar picture paints a smile on my weathered face
*
There she stands, on a pie shaped piece of land
On a granite tip of island, the weary shell of the old boat house
*
Wanting and bare, she sits across a rutted dirt road
A few short yards from the cold briny tide of the Eggemogine Reach
*
Anchored to the ground like an old circus tent, steal cables hold her heeling shoulder at bay
Mans eternal fight against time and weather
*
Her large wooden doors hang cockeyed, open to the sea
Silently beckoning the young curious visitor into her protective shadows
*
Quickly adjusting to the gloom, my eyes like a harbor pilot
Guide my feet forward along the sun drenched path before me.
*
Tiny dust fairies dance in the sunlight pouring in through the cracks of the weathered walls
Painting jagged stripes on the earthen floor
*
I enter, eyes wide open, inspecting every nook and cranny
In search of discarded ware, forgotten treasures for me to discover
*
I trip over a length of rotten cotton line, clearly discarded long ago
Probably a painter or a dock line from a winter tenant, presently enjoying the summer at home in the water
*
Over in the corner, with a hole in her transom, a faded yellow dingy lays abandoned, motionless
A sleeping turtle dreaming of happier days
*
Next to it, a pair of oars lean against the splintered wall
Peeling white paint runs the length of the battered shaft
Round ends, worn smooth from years of use, it comfortably into my experienced palm
*
A retired sailboat mast hangs long and straight against the back wall
spreaders stretched like tiny arms begging to be hauled out and given a new life
*
Each summer I return to that empty wooden shell of the old boathouse
weary eyes searching dark shadows for treasures, forgotten scraps of summers past
*
As winter approaches and summer departs
Once more, the old boathouse is full, hibernating boats protected from winters assault
*
Peacefully I sit in my old wooden rocker, snowflakes blanket the ground
Seasons change and I grow older, but memories are frozen in time
*
Closing my eyes I open that portal
Dredging up from memories of my youth
In the silence of the old boathouse

Dedicated to my loving parents on their 50th anniversary

Share the fun

The post The Old Boathouse appeared first on Catnip & Dog Biscuits.