Monica Mingo's Blog

www.MonicaMingo.com

I simply couldn't take the torture that is Typepad one second longer.  Please join me in my new digs.  It's kind of bare over there currently but I'll fill it up again soon I'm sure.  LOL!  

I'm still playing around with different things so there will be changes until I'm comfortable with it again so please be patient with me.    

If you have suggestions for anything you'd like to see, let me know.  I like new stuff too.  

This site will stay as is unless I figure out an alternative.

I have to be honest with yall when I say that another huge part of why I've been blogging less is that I'm truly sick of Typepad.  I've been wanting to leave this platform for over two years now but my blog is so large that it locks up on every system trying to import it.  Then...Typepad has the export process so crazy that the files aren't even in the form you need them to be in to do so without some serious man hours.  Everyone I step to to ask to help laughs.  

Typepad doesn't have any of the features that indicate it's 2014.  There have only been a few improvements since I started using the service in 2006.  I go to other sites and see cool stuff only to get angry that I pay for this service and don't get to do the same.  Hell...free WordPress blogs have more bells and whistles than this old archiac Typead.  I've only stuck in there with them because, again, it's a pain in the tookus to move.  UGH!

I'd love some advice.  I've started a new blog on Squarespace, which I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!  What do yall think about my just starting over on that system and just leaving this here and link to it as an archive?  Do you think it would be okay?  I could stop blogging over here ASAP and just start blogging at the new place.  Would yall go over there?

www.MamaBiscuit.com 

I'm country so yall know I was raised to not eat everybody's cooking.  It's a country thing.  You can tell alot about a person's cooking skills and presentation by the way they handle themselves in other situations and yeah...I don't eat from many folks.  Office potlucks?  Yeah...I always ate what I brought.  LOL!  Too many of yall come out the bathroom too quick for me.  I'm good.

My dear framily is about to follow her dreams and audition for a cooking show.  I'm so proud of her decision to do this because it's way outside of her comfort zone.  She is an EXCELLENT cook, a true kitchen cook and she cooks for me so often that I just call her for her grocery list so I can run to the store for her.  And yall...I'm not talking regular food.  I'm talking RESTAURANT looking food.  It's always so pretty you almost don't want to dig in...oh but you do.  Like...she be inviting people over for dinner and I GET MAD!  I'm like...WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH FOR THEM!!!!!!!!!  I WAS PLANNING ON HAVING SOME FOR LUNCH TOMORROW HELL!

SIP:  Just evil.  But for good cause.

Since she's gotten serious about honing her skills, she decided to start a Facebook fan page and a blog.  The blog is going to have tutorials and all sorts of fabulousness.  I'm sitting here now after just finishing checking it all out this morning and man...I'm about to burst the buttons on this henley I'm wearing I'm so darn proud.

When you see your people living their dreams out loud...you're supposed to raise 'em up...waaaaaaaaaay up.  You're supposed to dig in and let them know, without a shadow of doubt, that you believe in them and want what they want for them.  

You show up and show out.

Please visit her social media links and add her if you don't mind helping her out as she's super new to the online world and needs to get her weight up quickly so the producers on the show can see that she's somebody people 'LIKE' and, quite honestly...if you knew her...you'd love her as much as I do.

I'm proud of you Mama Biscuit!  So very, very proud!  You know I'll be there rooting you on the entire way!  Relax, relate, release!  You got this!

Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/lesleyrileymamabiscuit

Twitter:  https://twitter.com/mama_biscuit

YouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJkoP8x2THKy3eF8iwzYFNQ

Don't forget to send her some good wishes!  Auditions are this week!!!!!  SO EXCITING!

Well?  Did yall watch?  What did you think?  Did Shonda deliver?  

My opinion?  

You ready?

I watched "Black-ish" last night along with a whole host of other people it seems:  

I have been looking forward to the show since I first heard about it because hey...it was going to be on ABC and they have been known, recently, to have good family sitcoms on lock.  I love me some Tracee Ellis Ross, although, she's mostly always Joan Clayton to me.  (Because I am dumb.  I know, I know but Joan was AWESOME.SAUCE!)  I understood the need for a television show with the premise and I just KNEW it would be done smartly.  I was banking on the "Modern Family" audience to watch the show and hoped that smart writing would start bridging some of the divisiveness we still, amazingly, find so prominently in the world we live in.

Take me for instance.  I'm probably not going to be your best "first Black friend."  I can be rude with it and will often remind you how ridiculous it is that you never had a Black friend before you met me.  I mean hey...I'm FABULOUS but I don't have the lock on being a FABULOUS Black woman.  We're all over.  Now...once I break that down to you we are probably going to be amazing friends and you'll probably be enlightened to just how similar we are even though we have different skin colors.  

Take "The Cosby Show."  See...that show worked so well because well...they were simply a family doing regularly family living that just happened to be a Black family.  Things our families found important made their way into the show without there being a big azz sign pointing out things we, as Black people deal with and consider important that non-Blacks don't deal with.

It just worked, you know?  I remember when Dr. Huxtable was talking about charities once and he said that he had 4 kids in college making them have their own Negro College Fund.  LOL!  That cracked me up.  I remember the episode when it was shared that they had to work twice as hard and we all understood where it went.  It was subtle but I think everyone got it and when Mrs. Huxtable went ANGRY BLACK MAMA on Vanessa that time when she had BIG FUN...oh yeah...we identified with that across the board.

But I digress.

I had some pretty strong feelings about the show last night while watching it and I've been thinking about it ever since.  I understand the job of a pilot and hope to make one myself one day.  It is to grab the attention of the audience and not let it go.  Because of this, pilots tend to be chock full of shocker one-liners, etc.  This pilot was no different so maybe, hopefully, the pilot was just that and the continuing series will be what we all hoped it would be.  I long for a family who looks like me on primetime television, (SIP:  Um...you know half our household is White right?  Me:  Say bruh...you know what I mean hell.) and I had high hopes for this one which was positioned just right for success.  I grew weary of watching Black people stereotype being Black.  I was perplexed as to how that child didn't know President Obama was the first Black president. I rolled my eyes clean up out my head at that severance worthy presentation and when Tracee said "If I'm not Black then someone needs to tell my hair and my azz..." lawd...I poured another half glass of wine cuz it was too late to pour another whole glass.  

And this scene?

KILL.ME.NOW. 

(But that skirt Tracee has on though?  YES.PLEASE!  GIMME!)

All that said, I am looking forward to the next episode in hopes that I won't be disappointed.  I refuse to watch it just because they are Black.  I'm too old for that.  It has to be good too.  

I'm not the audience for reality shows and it seems that's the only place we see Black people these days on television and they are something special I'm told.  I was at a framily's house the other night and "Love and Hip Hop" was on in the background.  I heard someone say something about "I know he ain't my man but..." and I asked them not-so-kindly to turn that shit off until I left please and thank you.  I mean REALLY.

So...what did YOU think?  Be honest.  Did you enjoy it?  Will you watch again?

I am blessed that I have three best friends, lots of great friends and a whole host of really, really good friends.  I have friends from waaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in elementary school and people who's spirits I've fallen in love with instantly in more recent years.

But I only have one best girlfriend.  She knows the majority of my secrets and she knows when I'm dealing with something even though she knows that I'm not ready to talk about what I'm dealing with.  She waits patiently and she always knows exactly what to do and say.  You guys know her and you also know that we love as hard as we fight.  LOL!  Thankfully we haven't had a major blowout in years and we both think we've reached the point of no return as far as our blowups are concerned.  I doubt if we ever have another one cause we're older.wiser.gentler and more framily-er.  Oh...and we have Cole.  LOL!

Since she knows me so well she always gives me the absolute best-est gifts.  I love a long robe and it's very seldom I find a robe long to the floor on me and when I do I buy it because, again, I love a long to the floor robe.  All of the ones I currently own are for mild weather up North and that's about to change so she searched for a Summer weight one for me:

Isn't that MARVELOUS?????????????????  GO ME!  GO SHELLYBEAN!!!!!!!!!  IT'S ABSOLUTELY PERFECT!!!!!

And the best thing about it?  

Oh yeah...the monogram!  Yall know I love a Mingogram.  LOL!

Thank you again.  I love you and I know you love me.  You're my favorite.  :)

Do you have a robe that hits the floor?  How tall are you?  Where did you get it?  Aren't they FABULOUS?

If you know me truly, you know that my favorite person on Earth is my husband.  He's down South heading up a program currently and I haven't seen him since mid-August but the days are counting down until I see his face again.  Until I'm wrapped in his arms again and my cheek rests on his shoulder.  Until I wake every morning to a kiss from him and his knowing and thoughtful perusal which always seems to capture what I'm feeling and what I'm thinking.

I don't know if absence has made our hearts more fonder because we love each other and are in love with each other, but I do know that absence has made us know that we're truly the other's touchstone.  I'm not even me without him.  Nobody knows me as well as he does and nobody knows how to put me back together when something triggers me into memories that threaten to pull me apart yet again.

I have the type of personality that everyone looks to when they need something.  If I'm out and about with people I tend to be the one who finalizes decisions or helps everyone make a decision.  My framily, family and friends call me when they are attempting to figure out the major things in their life and I always consider their situation thoughtfully before I offer my opinion.  People count on me to have answers or to know where they can find the answers.  They count on me to provide a safe landing for them when they are overwhelmed or need a hug or need to sit quiet or simply to have a good meal and share a bottle of wine listening to good music.

And I am able to provide that because my husband constantly provides that for me.  That love, unconditional support and loving kick in the pants when I need it.

I was talking to a framily member the other day and we were talking about marriage.  He said that whenever he tells people about the best husbands he knows, the ones he looks up to, Robby is one of the two he would love to one day be like.  He shared how we were all somewhere doing something once and that I was all the way across the room in a stressful situation and that it was like I FELT that Robby had arrived.  He said he looked up at me and my face broke out into the most joyous expression as I rushed over to meet Robby as he was rushing over to meet me.  He said he watched how we hugged each other and he knew that none of the chaos in the room was there anymore for either of us and that it was clear that each other was all we needed.  He then said that's what he wanted.  A woman who looked at him that way and that he felt the same about.

I didn't know what to say other than I prayed that he found that one day and I was struck by how he'd put into words exactly what I'm always feeling about my husband.  He is so prominent in my entire being and the world doesn't quite work the same without my being able to see his face and touch him.  I'm not the type of woman who can be without her man for long.   I'm built for partnership.  I'm built to love and be loved.  I'm built to take care of my loved one.  I'm a simple, simple woman when it comes to what I need.  It's him.  Always will be.  Just him.  I can function without him but I'm not LIVING.  

It's been a rough week on my spirit.  I ran across my family photo albums from when I was growing up and I flipped through them and got deep down into myself and The Robinator wasn't here to make it all better.  He tries over the phone and over Skype...but you and I both know they are poor substitutions for the real thing.  

The countdown to seeing my FAVORITE face is near.  October 9th is right around the corner.  I can't wait.

Stats:

Name:  Adrian Peterson

Age:  29

Kids:  7

Married:  Yes (One child with his wife.  Been with his wife since high school.  Just married her this summer.)

I'm a child of abuse.  Because of this, I think I'm very conscious of the difference between spankings and beatings (ABUSE).

Adrian Peterson is too.

When I see children being spanked by my framily, it's done very controlled.  The child knew what was going to happen and why.  It was spelled out.  The child was told that they were getting x amount of swats to the behind and the swats were counted down.  5 swats?  

SWAT!

One.

Calm down...you have 4 more to go.  

No windmilling.  No belt grabbing.  No being drug through the house.  Hold on to the bed post and clench your butt.

The person delivering the punishment is not angry normally because they know that anger can quickly make things get out of hand.  That same anger that fueled them to put the boontoon down needs to be calmed down and rationalized before the child is disciplined via corporal punishment.  ESPECIALLY if the child is little.

And probably never when the child was only 4.  Because normally all a 4 year old needs is a pop to the hand.

I have probably issued spankings to children I love and whose parents trust me to spank their child no more than a handful of times.  If that.  And I know for sure that you can't react when you're angry because, again...that could get out of hand real quick like.  #FurnitureMoving

I believe there are circumstances by which you might need to show up and show out.  When and if teenagers buck up to you that first time...I believe you need to deal with that then in whatever manner it's brought to you.  You do it once and well and you'll never have to do it again.  IN MY OPINION.  I've had a teenager test me directly ONCE and only once.  

But when they're 4?

Nah.  Pop to the hand is all that is needed.  Pop to the hand and an explanation of why you're disappointed in their behavior.  Some down time and redirection.  Oh...and checking yourself to see what, if anything, you may have missed that is causing them to continue to act out.

The most disturbing thing to me about Adrian Peterson is that he's already lost a child to child abuse so he knows the extreme of how that can go wrong real quick with anger as a factor.  I mean hey...even though he'd never met that poor baby, he received such a public pouring of sympathy for his loss, one would think that would have changed something in this thought process as it relates to spankings and beatings (ABUSE).

And how smart can you be if you're going to put marks on a child that you're sending back to their mother BEFORE the marks are gone?  Dude...you were asking for it.  And dude...HE WAS FLIPPING 4!!!!!!!!

Now as to the media reports that he beat the child with a branch...I guess you can call it that.  It branched off of a tree but it was a switch.  I've had that done before.  I've also had it done when I was naked and fresh out of the shower wet.  Stings better.  ABUSE.

I know child abuse firsthand.  When you know better...you should do better.  That excuse that you were beat and you turned out right is a fallacy.  You didn't turn out right if you think that the abuse you suffered is okay to pass along.  Sometimes cultural norms can be pretty fucked up practices we ignore all in the name of "MIND YA BUSINESS."

I didn't turn out right.  I turned out some brand of fugged up that I had to work hard at putting back together right.  Just think of what I could have accomplished if I hadn't had to put so much work into making sure I ended up right.  

#TruthDotCom

What are YOUR thoughts on spanking/beating with a switch on a 4 year old?  Discipline or child abuse?

When Beautiful People Do Ugly Things from Team Sizzle Films on Vimeo.