Allyson Gottlieb's Blog
July 30, 2013
Tamara playlist
For those of you who don't know this about me, music is a HUGE part of my life, almost as much as writing is. So as soon as I finished the big stuff for Darkest Legacy, I just knew I was going to have to find some way to involve music with my book.
Because Darkest Legacy has so few characters that you get to know so intimately, instead of just making a playlist that applies to the work as a whole, I had the idea to make a series of character-centric playlists. Since Tamara is by far the character we know the best right now, her playlist is the one associated with Darkest Legacy. (Future playlists for other characters will come with later books.)
Below are a list of songs – and explanations for why I chose them – that I feel fit Tamara at some point in the story. WARNING: there are no overt spoilers in the explanations, but if you haven’t read Darkest Legacy yet, you might want to do that before checking out the playlist. (Besides not getting anything semi-spoiled, it will make so much more sense.)
“Falling” by The Civil Wars*
Why am I feeling so guilty?
Why am I holding my breath?
Worried about everyone but me
And I just keep losing myself
Please, please tell me you know
I’ve got to let you go
This song manages to capture the strange and heart-crushing emotion of “falling out of love”, and between the dreamy instrumentals and the softness of Joy Williams’ voice, it does a very nice job of putting you in the head of someone who’s been through what Tamara has. Beautiful and haunting.
“Hands of Time” by Rachel Diggs
You can’t turn back the hands of time
Just let it go and you’ll be fine
What’s done is done and it’s all right
You can’t change what’s already happened; all you can do is keep going forward. Tamara really doesn’t take this to heart like she should, considering how much time she spends obsessing over both having been a part of Valentine’s plans and having betrayed him.
“Angels” by Within Temptation
You took my heart,
Deceived me right from the start
You showed me dreams
I wish they’d turn into real
One of my favorite lesser-known bands; I absolutely love her voice (and ability to hit high notes that make me cringe). This song is about finding out that someone isn’t who you thought they were, and about betrayal—makes it very appropriate for Darkest Legacy, hmm?
“Broken” by Lifehouse
I am damaged at best
Like you’ve already figured out
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose
They’re still looking for life
About recovering from a relationship that’s left you damaged, yet not fully able to let go of the other person. In particular, this makes me think about how a person can get so fully under your skin that it’s hard to shake them.
“Distance” by Christina Perri ft. Jason Mraz
Do you feel the way I do right now?
Call it anything but love
And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say “I love you” when you’re not listening
How long can we keep this up?
Not everything on this playlist is dark and depressing, okay? This one is a sweet little song about the awkwardness of being in love with your best friend, and waiting for the right time to see if the friendship can possibly turn into something more.
“In My Veins” by Andrew Belle
Everything will change
Nothing stays the same
All that you rely on
And all that you can save
Will leave you in the morning
A very pretty love song (remember, they were happy and in love at one point), though the line “You’re in my veins and I cannot get you out” takes on a more haunting significance when you think about how Valentine’s had this phantom hold on Tamara for twenty years. But I like this one because it’s also about how life doesn’t always go the way you think it will, which could not be more true for Tamara.
“Poison & Wine” by The Civil Wars
You only know what I want you to
I know everything you don’t want me to
Your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine
You think your dreams are the same as mine
Oh I don’t love you but I always will
Oh God, this song has Tamara and Valentine written all over it. The back and forth, the lyrics that might as well have been ripped from the story… I think if I had to sum up their relationship in one sentence, it’d be that last line: “I don’t love you but I always will.” Shivers.
“Lover’s Eyes” by Mumford & Sons
But do not ask the price I paid
I must live with my quiet rage
Tame the ghosts in my head
That run wild and wish me dead
Oh let me die where I lie
Neath the curse of my lover’s eyes
This song does a great job of portraying how guilt can just absolutely consume you if you let it. Also because Valentine has those awesome gold eyes.
“Sweet Nothing” by Calvin Harris ft. Florence Welch
‘Cause I’ve swallowed every word
And every whisper, every sigh
Eats away at this heart of mine
So I put my faith in something unknown
Yay for another more upbeat song! This song makes me think of Valentine’s fondness for speaking in “glittering generalities” that don’t mean very much, and how Tamara lets herself believe them without looking too closely at first.
“Little Talks” by Of Monsters and Men
You’re gone, gone, gone away
I watched you disappear
All that’s left is a ghost of you
Now we’re torn, torn, torn apart
There’s nothing you can do
Another one of those semi-duets that I love, with the back-and-forth between the guy and the girl. There’s some great ghostly imagery that’s very Valentine and Tamara—how she’s kept him in the back of her mind for twenty years, and he’s never stopped thinking of her either.
“Remember When” by Avril Lavigne
I remember when it was together till the end
Now I’m alone again, where do I begin?
I cried a little bit
You died a little bit
A very bittersweet song about leaving someone you love, knowing it’s for the best and yet hurting for it all the same. The dissolution of a relationship that’s been a part of your life for so long you’re almost not sure how to live without it.
“Fix You” by Coldplay
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
This song is more about Valerie than Tamara, because this idea is such a central theme of their friendship—that Valerie’s always there to pick Tamara back up after whatever damage Valentine inflicts on her; no judgment, just support. Tamara’s so lucky to have a friend like that.
“Coming Home (Part II)” by Skylar Grey
And the blood will dry underneath my nails
And the wind will rise up to fill my sails
So you can doubt and you can hate
But I know no matter what it takes
I’m coming home
Despite the haunting tone and the darkness present in the lyrics, to me this song is really uplifting, and reminds me of Tamara’s determination to do the right thing once she realizes that Valentine’s plans are bad news.
“Warrior” by Demi Lovato
Now I’m taking back my life today
Nothing left that you can say
‘Cause you were never gonna take the blame anyway
I’m a warrior
And you can never hurt me again
If “Falling” describes the Tamara of the beginning of the story, then “Warrior” is who she’s become by the end. She goes through so much crap that you can’t really blame her for wanting to curl up in the corner and hide, but instead, she finds the strength to face her demons head-on and in a very powerful way.
*Yes, this is the song that plays in the book trailer!
Because Darkest Legacy has so few characters that you get to know so intimately, instead of just making a playlist that applies to the work as a whole, I had the idea to make a series of character-centric playlists. Since Tamara is by far the character we know the best right now, her playlist is the one associated with Darkest Legacy. (Future playlists for other characters will come with later books.)
Below are a list of songs – and explanations for why I chose them – that I feel fit Tamara at some point in the story. WARNING: there are no overt spoilers in the explanations, but if you haven’t read Darkest Legacy yet, you might want to do that before checking out the playlist. (Besides not getting anything semi-spoiled, it will make so much more sense.)
“Falling” by The Civil Wars*
Why am I feeling so guilty?
Why am I holding my breath?
Worried about everyone but me
And I just keep losing myself
Please, please tell me you know
I’ve got to let you go
This song manages to capture the strange and heart-crushing emotion of “falling out of love”, and between the dreamy instrumentals and the softness of Joy Williams’ voice, it does a very nice job of putting you in the head of someone who’s been through what Tamara has. Beautiful and haunting.
“Hands of Time” by Rachel Diggs
You can’t turn back the hands of time
Just let it go and you’ll be fine
What’s done is done and it’s all right
You can’t change what’s already happened; all you can do is keep going forward. Tamara really doesn’t take this to heart like she should, considering how much time she spends obsessing over both having been a part of Valentine’s plans and having betrayed him.
“Angels” by Within Temptation
You took my heart,
Deceived me right from the start
You showed me dreams
I wish they’d turn into real
One of my favorite lesser-known bands; I absolutely love her voice (and ability to hit high notes that make me cringe). This song is about finding out that someone isn’t who you thought they were, and about betrayal—makes it very appropriate for Darkest Legacy, hmm?
“Broken” by Lifehouse
I am damaged at best
Like you’ve already figured out
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose
They’re still looking for life
About recovering from a relationship that’s left you damaged, yet not fully able to let go of the other person. In particular, this makes me think about how a person can get so fully under your skin that it’s hard to shake them.
“Distance” by Christina Perri ft. Jason Mraz
Do you feel the way I do right now?
Call it anything but love
And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say “I love you” when you’re not listening
How long can we keep this up?
Not everything on this playlist is dark and depressing, okay? This one is a sweet little song about the awkwardness of being in love with your best friend, and waiting for the right time to see if the friendship can possibly turn into something more.
“In My Veins” by Andrew Belle
Everything will change
Nothing stays the same
All that you rely on
And all that you can save
Will leave you in the morning
A very pretty love song (remember, they were happy and in love at one point), though the line “You’re in my veins and I cannot get you out” takes on a more haunting significance when you think about how Valentine’s had this phantom hold on Tamara for twenty years. But I like this one because it’s also about how life doesn’t always go the way you think it will, which could not be more true for Tamara.
“Poison & Wine” by The Civil Wars
You only know what I want you to
I know everything you don’t want me to
Your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine
You think your dreams are the same as mine
Oh I don’t love you but I always will
Oh God, this song has Tamara and Valentine written all over it. The back and forth, the lyrics that might as well have been ripped from the story… I think if I had to sum up their relationship in one sentence, it’d be that last line: “I don’t love you but I always will.” Shivers.
“Lover’s Eyes” by Mumford & Sons
But do not ask the price I paid
I must live with my quiet rage
Tame the ghosts in my head
That run wild and wish me dead
Oh let me die where I lie
Neath the curse of my lover’s eyes
This song does a great job of portraying how guilt can just absolutely consume you if you let it. Also because Valentine has those awesome gold eyes.
“Sweet Nothing” by Calvin Harris ft. Florence Welch
‘Cause I’ve swallowed every word
And every whisper, every sigh
Eats away at this heart of mine
So I put my faith in something unknown
Yay for another more upbeat song! This song makes me think of Valentine’s fondness for speaking in “glittering generalities” that don’t mean very much, and how Tamara lets herself believe them without looking too closely at first.
“Little Talks” by Of Monsters and Men
You’re gone, gone, gone away
I watched you disappear
All that’s left is a ghost of you
Now we’re torn, torn, torn apart
There’s nothing you can do
Another one of those semi-duets that I love, with the back-and-forth between the guy and the girl. There’s some great ghostly imagery that’s very Valentine and Tamara—how she’s kept him in the back of her mind for twenty years, and he’s never stopped thinking of her either.
“Remember When” by Avril Lavigne
I remember when it was together till the end
Now I’m alone again, where do I begin?
I cried a little bit
You died a little bit
A very bittersweet song about leaving someone you love, knowing it’s for the best and yet hurting for it all the same. The dissolution of a relationship that’s been a part of your life for so long you’re almost not sure how to live without it.
“Fix You” by Coldplay
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
This song is more about Valerie than Tamara, because this idea is such a central theme of their friendship—that Valerie’s always there to pick Tamara back up after whatever damage Valentine inflicts on her; no judgment, just support. Tamara’s so lucky to have a friend like that.
“Coming Home (Part II)” by Skylar Grey
And the blood will dry underneath my nails
And the wind will rise up to fill my sails
So you can doubt and you can hate
But I know no matter what it takes
I’m coming home
Despite the haunting tone and the darkness present in the lyrics, to me this song is really uplifting, and reminds me of Tamara’s determination to do the right thing once she realizes that Valentine’s plans are bad news.
“Warrior” by Demi Lovato
Now I’m taking back my life today
Nothing left that you can say
‘Cause you were never gonna take the blame anyway
I’m a warrior
And you can never hurt me again
If “Falling” describes the Tamara of the beginning of the story, then “Warrior” is who she’s become by the end. She goes through so much crap that you can’t really blame her for wanting to curl up in the corner and hide, but instead, she finds the strength to face her demons head-on and in a very powerful way.
*Yes, this is the song that plays in the book trailer!
July 9, 2013
100 Truths
Saw this on a friend's blog, thought it sounded cool, and also.... I'm bored
7/9/13
1. Real name: Allyson Nicole Gottlieb
2. Nickname: Ally (used to be what I went by, now I like Allyson better), Freddy (don't ask), Alfreddy (same), Kitty Kat (this one's personal...)
3. Favorite color(s): aqua and silver
4. Male or female: female
5. Elementary School: Stevens Creek Elementary School
6. Middle School: John F. Kennedy Middle School
7. High School: Monta Vista High School
8. College: don't know yet! I'm going to be a senior in the fall. My top choices are Brown, Emerson, University of Chicago, and UCSB
9. Hair Color: boring brown
10. Tall or Short: tall
11. Sweats or Jeans: jeans if I'm going out, but sweats if I'm staying in
12. Phone or Camera: camera phone, duh.
13. TV Show: oh God, just one? Gonna have to be multiple: Once Upon a Time, Nikita, Grey's Anatomy, and Elementary. And there are so many more
14. Orange or Apple: apple
15. Do you have a crush on someone: yes?
16. Eat or Drink: both
17. Piercings: just one in each ear so far. I want to get a second in each ear but I have to wait :P
18. Pepsi or Coke: neither. Sprite or orange soda
HAVE YOU EVER?
19. Been in an airplane: yes
20. Been in a relationship: yes
21. Been in a car accident: thankfully no
23. First piercing: ears
24. Best friend(s): I don't really have just one - all my friends are my "best friend" at some point. But right now it might just be Kassandra, after all the time we've spent talking about self-publishing stuff
25. First time you were grounded: never been grounded, suckas!
26. First Crush: OMG, it was the most awkward thing... this guy named Bryce back in 1st grade
27. First word: Momma
29. Last person you talked to: Anu
30. Last person you texted: my dad
31. Last person you watched a movie with: Anu!
32. Last food you ate: pizza
33. Last movie you watched: finally saw The Great Gatsby!
34. Last song you listened to: "We Are Broken" by Paramore
35. Last thing you bought: dinner and movie ticket
36. Last person you hugged: Anu
Favorite:
37. Food: cheesecake. Pizza if we're talking "real food"
38. Drink: white chocolate mocha (really any kind of sweet flavored coffee drink)
39. Bottoms: yoga pants
40. Flowers: roses
41. Animal: cat
43. Movie: all the Harry Potters, Star Trek Into Darkness, Iron Man trilogy, Dark Knight trilogy, The Devil Wears Prada... I should probably stop now, shouldn't I? ;-)
44. Subject: English and choir
HAVE YOU EVER:
(Put an X in the brackets if yes)
45. [x]Fallen in love with someone.
46. [x]Celebrated Halloween.
47. []had your heart broken
48. [x]Went over the minutes/texts on your cell phone.
49. [x]Had someone like you
51. [] Got pregnant.
52. [] Had an abortion.
53. [x]did something I regret.
54. [x]broke a promise.
55. [x]hid a secret.
56. [x]pretended to be happy.
57. [x] met someone who changed your life
58. [] pretended to be sick.
59. [x]left the country.
60. [x]tried something you normally wouldn’t try and liked it.
61. [x]cried over the silliest thing.
62. [x] ran a mile…
63. [] went to a beach with your friend.
64. [x] got into an argument with your friends.
65. [x]disliked someone.
66. [x] stayed single for 2 years since the first time you had a boyfriend/girlfriend (sigh... story of my life)
CURRENTLY:
67. Eating: Hershey's Kisses
68. Drinking: water
69. Listening: The Civil Wars
70. Sitting/Laying: sitting (kind of slouching)
71. Plans for weekend: not sure... Gotta plan something, I think, since this is gonna be a big weekend :)
72. Waiting for: a certain person to contact me...
YOUR FUTURE:
73. Kids: two
74. Want to get married: of course
76. Lips or eyes: eyes
77. Shorter or Taller: taller (ideally taller than me! But that's hard to come by)
78. Romantic or spontaneous: romantic
81. Hook-up or relationship: relationship
82. Looks or personality: both (though if the looks aren't horrendous, I can overlook some things for a good personality)
HAVE YOU EVER Part 2:
83. Lost glasses/contacts: no, though I have broken a couple contacts while they were still in my eye... *shudders* that is the true definition of pain. Ooh, do sunglasses count? I've lost those
84. Snuck out of a house: nope. I'm a good girl.
85. Held a gun/knife for self defense: no
86. Killed somebody: fictional characters only! In the fictional world you might as well call me 007 (licensed to kill ;-)
87. Broken someones heart?: I don't think so...
88. Had sex: since when is this your business??
89. Cried when someone died: yes - fictional characters and real people
DO YOU BELIEVE IN
90. Yourself: starting to now
91. Miracles: yes
92. Love at first sight: maybe?
93. Heaven: absolutely
94. Santa Claus: I'm Jewish, so I'd have to go with no
95. Aliens: not sure
96. Ghosts: I want to
97. Is there one person you really want to be with right now?: yes
98. Do you know who your real friends are? Definitely
99. Do you believe in God: I think so
100. Post as: 100 Truths.
Hope you enjoyed these totally random (and awesome) facts about me!
7/9/13
1. Real name: Allyson Nicole Gottlieb
2. Nickname: Ally (used to be what I went by, now I like Allyson better), Freddy (don't ask), Alfreddy (same), Kitty Kat (this one's personal...)
3. Favorite color(s): aqua and silver
4. Male or female: female
5. Elementary School: Stevens Creek Elementary School
6. Middle School: John F. Kennedy Middle School
7. High School: Monta Vista High School
8. College: don't know yet! I'm going to be a senior in the fall. My top choices are Brown, Emerson, University of Chicago, and UCSB
9. Hair Color: boring brown
10. Tall or Short: tall
11. Sweats or Jeans: jeans if I'm going out, but sweats if I'm staying in
12. Phone or Camera: camera phone, duh.
13. TV Show: oh God, just one? Gonna have to be multiple: Once Upon a Time, Nikita, Grey's Anatomy, and Elementary. And there are so many more
14. Orange or Apple: apple
15. Do you have a crush on someone: yes?
16. Eat or Drink: both
17. Piercings: just one in each ear so far. I want to get a second in each ear but I have to wait :P
18. Pepsi or Coke: neither. Sprite or orange soda
HAVE YOU EVER?
19. Been in an airplane: yes
20. Been in a relationship: yes
21. Been in a car accident: thankfully no
23. First piercing: ears
24. Best friend(s): I don't really have just one - all my friends are my "best friend" at some point. But right now it might just be Kassandra, after all the time we've spent talking about self-publishing stuff
25. First time you were grounded: never been grounded, suckas!
26. First Crush: OMG, it was the most awkward thing... this guy named Bryce back in 1st grade
27. First word: Momma
29. Last person you talked to: Anu
30. Last person you texted: my dad
31. Last person you watched a movie with: Anu!
32. Last food you ate: pizza
33. Last movie you watched: finally saw The Great Gatsby!
34. Last song you listened to: "We Are Broken" by Paramore
35. Last thing you bought: dinner and movie ticket
36. Last person you hugged: Anu
Favorite:
37. Food: cheesecake. Pizza if we're talking "real food"
38. Drink: white chocolate mocha (really any kind of sweet flavored coffee drink)
39. Bottoms: yoga pants
40. Flowers: roses
41. Animal: cat
43. Movie: all the Harry Potters, Star Trek Into Darkness, Iron Man trilogy, Dark Knight trilogy, The Devil Wears Prada... I should probably stop now, shouldn't I? ;-)
44. Subject: English and choir
HAVE YOU EVER:
(Put an X in the brackets if yes)
45. [x]Fallen in love with someone.
46. [x]Celebrated Halloween.
47. []had your heart broken
48. [x]Went over the minutes/texts on your cell phone.
49. [x]Had someone like you
51. [] Got pregnant.
52. [] Had an abortion.
53. [x]did something I regret.
54. [x]broke a promise.
55. [x]hid a secret.
56. [x]pretended to be happy.
57. [x] met someone who changed your life
58. [] pretended to be sick.
59. [x]left the country.
60. [x]tried something you normally wouldn’t try and liked it.
61. [x]cried over the silliest thing.
62. [x] ran a mile…
63. [] went to a beach with your friend.
64. [x] got into an argument with your friends.
65. [x]disliked someone.
66. [x] stayed single for 2 years since the first time you had a boyfriend/girlfriend (sigh... story of my life)
CURRENTLY:
67. Eating: Hershey's Kisses
68. Drinking: water
69. Listening: The Civil Wars
70. Sitting/Laying: sitting (kind of slouching)
71. Plans for weekend: not sure... Gotta plan something, I think, since this is gonna be a big weekend :)
72. Waiting for: a certain person to contact me...
YOUR FUTURE:
73. Kids: two
74. Want to get married: of course
76. Lips or eyes: eyes
77. Shorter or Taller: taller (ideally taller than me! But that's hard to come by)
78. Romantic or spontaneous: romantic
81. Hook-up or relationship: relationship
82. Looks or personality: both (though if the looks aren't horrendous, I can overlook some things for a good personality)
HAVE YOU EVER Part 2:
83. Lost glasses/contacts: no, though I have broken a couple contacts while they were still in my eye... *shudders* that is the true definition of pain. Ooh, do sunglasses count? I've lost those
84. Snuck out of a house: nope. I'm a good girl.
85. Held a gun/knife for self defense: no
86. Killed somebody: fictional characters only! In the fictional world you might as well call me 007 (licensed to kill ;-)
87. Broken someones heart?: I don't think so...
88. Had sex: since when is this your business??
89. Cried when someone died: yes - fictional characters and real people
DO YOU BELIEVE IN
90. Yourself: starting to now
91. Miracles: yes
92. Love at first sight: maybe?
93. Heaven: absolutely
94. Santa Claus: I'm Jewish, so I'd have to go with no
95. Aliens: not sure
96. Ghosts: I want to
97. Is there one person you really want to be with right now?: yes
98. Do you know who your real friends are? Definitely
99. Do you believe in God: I think so
100. Post as: 100 Truths.
Hope you enjoyed these totally random (and awesome) facts about me!
