Fran Macilvey's Blog

I am truly sorry for my long silence over the last months: in my blog pages, I have written on many subjects as they concern me, to do with life, love, occupation, authorship, editing and publishing, that I struggle to think of anything new or original to add; besides which, the subjects that currently concern me so deeply, concern others more deeply; and in this way and that, I am silenced.

It has been my privilege to have and maintain blog pages in which I have written short stories and flash f...

For years and years I bought into the idea – the dream – that I should be treated “just like everyone else.” If I had known what a mantra was, that would have been mine.

But when I started parroting that dream, I was only a child.

What that phrase is trying to say, is, “I’d like people to see me as I am: flawed certainly, as a character flaw is part of the human condition. But whole, and sometimes, a bit of a pain. And allowed to be a nuisance, not because I am ‘unusual’ and...

Walking outside

It was a comment of my daughter’s while I was in town with her and my husband – “Why do we walk (outside) as if we don’t know each other?” – that set up a long fuse, a question that wanted an answer.

Good question.

I used to think of my walking stance as broad and roughly triangular, taking up a lot of room on pavements and walkways. These days, with two walking aids, I am even broader in my stance, though I do manage to be a bit faster and more confident. Howe...

Its Complicated

Having finally managed to get downstairs with a rucksack full of stuff for the second-hand store, and brought with me a walking stick and a waste bin which needed emptying, I reached the car and realised I had left my handbag – with car key – upstairs. So up again I went, only to be delayed by a phone-call while I was there.

My journey home was no less perplexing, with three walking sticks now in my car – which is the single, and which two are the pair? – as well ...

My Life Lost?

One thing that still dismays me into silence, even at this vast distance from my youth – I’m now 58 – is how lost my life would have been, if I had attempted to follow the dismally low expectations of those who, seemingly concerned about my big choices, gave me the benefit of their insights and wisdom. Children and youngsters really do try very hard to be obedient. But what would have happened to me if, despite my utter passivity and willingness to please, I hadn’t als...

Parents into Work

It takes a lot, these days, to get me exercised about something. What with seismic family changes, a constantly shifting and challenging roster of tasks to get through every single day, and my health being on an unpredictable wicket lately, I have to prioritise.

Yet today, I wonder about the government’s – every government, I gather; Labour are on this bandwagon too – insistence that we have to invest big to “get more women into work”. What the politicians mean ...

Life without borders

For as long as I can remember – and that goes back to when I was about four years old – I’ve tried to live life without borders. And I manage most of the time because I have never felt disabled. So, when I am forcibly reminded of categories, boxes into which people expect me to fit as a disabled person, I can sometimes get quite upset. Me? Upset? Perhaps an explanation is in order…

My daughter, studying medicine, texted me this morning: “What GMFCS level are ...

Testing positive

Sorry, this isn’t a post about the current isolation rules, the different expectations between England and RUK, though it could be: one of my immediate family tested positive yesterday, and we are still working out what to do about it. I expect that we will buy in a few more Covid tests, make a plan, and try to stick to it. Positive family member will isolate until they have two negative tests; in the meantime, it is highly likely that we will all catch Covid, and i...

Waiting to be noticed

Me? Religious? Not so you would notice, though I do believe in God.

Otherwise, how do I make sense of all this? Why do I have a home, a place to rest my head and a husband who loves me, when others don’t? Why do I have the most amazing child in the Universe? It hardly seems fair, otherwise. There has to be a reason in all this random abundance, so apparently casual and replete with generosity. All this loveliness, just waiting to be noticed.

When I rea...

Casting off

In scenes of family life, I see myself surrounded by strong people. My parents and siblings seem, most of the time, to have cherished many opinions, and I would be the first to say that I have learned to listen. I am a good listener.

Recently in the post-office, I found myself studying the cards and notelets on sale, glancing up at the outsize posters on the walls and wondering which ones I actually liked. Which in fact, were to my taste? And I struggled to answer. Be...