Athul DeMarco's Blog
May 3, 2020
Ran out of cigarettes
Ran out of cigarettes, patience and resolve. Everytime I think I know the answer to why (why did I want to study? Why is it important for me?) you know the questions important for intrinsic motivation... everytime I think I know the answer, I don't. And this shows in the graph. Had a slightly better week than the previous week but still a shit week. This is the week of April 27th to May 3rd, 2020.
April 26, 2020
Week 2 - An Absolute Waste
Allo!
Did absolutely fuckal all of this week. Only started to study think from Saturday onwards. Has been slow. Been wasting a LOT of time still. Need to get on the No Fap challenge thingy. Reckon everytime the urge arises (pardon the intended pun), will probably lift dumbbells. And it is yet to be seen if YouTube Music subscription is worth the money and if it will stop me from jumping down the rabbit hole.
Anyway, here is the absolute fuckal picture of wasted time. Reckon should get on a all boys' call from time to time, just to remind myself as to why I am doing this again.
Did absolutely fuckal all of this week. Only started to study think from Saturday onwards. Has been slow. Been wasting a LOT of time still. Need to get on the No Fap challenge thingy. Reckon everytime the urge arises (pardon the intended pun), will probably lift dumbbells. And it is yet to be seen if YouTube Music subscription is worth the money and if it will stop me from jumping down the rabbit hole.
Anyway, here is the absolute fuckal picture of wasted time. Reckon should get on a all boys' call from time to time, just to remind myself as to why I am doing this again.
April 23, 2020
Happy reading... I suppose...
Hello!
Been quite a while since I stared down at the blinking cursor. So here... Uploading ALL of the stories I started and left unfinished over the years (reckon some of this is from circa 2009). Not sure how long the download links will work for... So if you want to read something, reckon best to download them and then like most things in ones' refrigerator, junk them when mold begins to grow on it.
NOTE: The work is not proof-read, so there will be errors, spelling mistakes, missing words among others.
The Great Indian Mythology: Was supposed to be a re-telling of Mahabharat set in today's day and age in a tongue in cheek manner. But the more I read the actual original story, I realized I can't top the fuckedupness that already exists. But, I did enjoy writing few bits of it. Will rate this 2/5. If you think what I have written is fucked up, wait till you read the actual story... Not the PG rated Amar Chitra Katha... Also points deducted because I didn't finish writing the whole thing.Delhi - Bombay: One of the first attempts at screenwriting. It is a rom-com. Or was supposed to be. Its' about this guy Delhi Boy Kabir and a Bombay girl Anita. They fall in love, and decide to get married. But who is going to move to which city? Will rate this 2.5/5. It has its moments. Bond Series: At one point of time, I wanted to write a raw Bond type story. You know espionage, femme fatale but no Q or fancy gadgets and all. Just a man running against time to save the country and the world in style while getting laid and drunk, all expenses paid. There are two stories in here. One is titled error code 39 - Was supposed to be a story where China is laying high speed internet lines near Bombay to try and disrupt the stock exchange and beat the market and make India's market collapse. The other story is called, Tomorrow always comes twice - obvious reference and play on the usual Ian Fleming style titles. This I actually forgot what the story was supposed to be, wrote just the first chapter/prologue type for it.Can't rate because never finished.1949: I wanted to write a revisionist story about Ayodhya-Ram Mandir-Ram Lalla and the fateful night of Dec 22-23, 1949. Then I realized that I don't have the literary gravitas to pull something like this off. Same... No ratingThe Man With No Name: This I had serialized on the blog only. Was supposed to be one of those John Wick type movies before John Wick was made. But had oodles of fun writing this. Will rate this 3.5/5Molested Poppy: Another one of those detective-buddy type stories. It has few interesting twists that I liked while writing.Will rate this 3/5AL.AN - The Nemesis: Was supposed to be part 2 in the conjoined twins series provided that part 1 did well. Obviously, The Origins didn't do well, so Nemesis never did see the light of day. But now it does... Will rate this 3/5. Did some neat things with the font shont and all...Satta/The Gamble: I actually quite liked the villain in this story if I recall correctly. It has a boy who sets his father on fire and then goes and attends a track & field event. NAAlso, whole bunch of other things/stuff... some of them would score like 4/5 like XXY but I can't be arsed to upload the files separately now. Too bored. Also guilt has set in about me having wasted 40 odd days pretending to be a tuber vegetable. So time for me to go back to my books.
Been quite a while since I stared down at the blinking cursor. So here... Uploading ALL of the stories I started and left unfinished over the years (reckon some of this is from circa 2009). Not sure how long the download links will work for... So if you want to read something, reckon best to download them and then like most things in ones' refrigerator, junk them when mold begins to grow on it.
NOTE: The work is not proof-read, so there will be errors, spelling mistakes, missing words among others.
The Great Indian Mythology: Was supposed to be a re-telling of Mahabharat set in today's day and age in a tongue in cheek manner. But the more I read the actual original story, I realized I can't top the fuckedupness that already exists. But, I did enjoy writing few bits of it. Will rate this 2/5. If you think what I have written is fucked up, wait till you read the actual story... Not the PG rated Amar Chitra Katha... Also points deducted because I didn't finish writing the whole thing.Delhi - Bombay: One of the first attempts at screenwriting. It is a rom-com. Or was supposed to be. Its' about this guy Delhi Boy Kabir and a Bombay girl Anita. They fall in love, and decide to get married. But who is going to move to which city? Will rate this 2.5/5. It has its moments. Bond Series: At one point of time, I wanted to write a raw Bond type story. You know espionage, femme fatale but no Q or fancy gadgets and all. Just a man running against time to save the country and the world in style while getting laid and drunk, all expenses paid. There are two stories in here. One is titled error code 39 - Was supposed to be a story where China is laying high speed internet lines near Bombay to try and disrupt the stock exchange and beat the market and make India's market collapse. The other story is called, Tomorrow always comes twice - obvious reference and play on the usual Ian Fleming style titles. This I actually forgot what the story was supposed to be, wrote just the first chapter/prologue type for it.Can't rate because never finished.1949: I wanted to write a revisionist story about Ayodhya-Ram Mandir-Ram Lalla and the fateful night of Dec 22-23, 1949. Then I realized that I don't have the literary gravitas to pull something like this off. Same... No ratingThe Man With No Name: This I had serialized on the blog only. Was supposed to be one of those John Wick type movies before John Wick was made. But had oodles of fun writing this. Will rate this 3.5/5Molested Poppy: Another one of those detective-buddy type stories. It has few interesting twists that I liked while writing.Will rate this 3/5AL.AN - The Nemesis: Was supposed to be part 2 in the conjoined twins series provided that part 1 did well. Obviously, The Origins didn't do well, so Nemesis never did see the light of day. But now it does... Will rate this 3/5. Did some neat things with the font shont and all...Satta/The Gamble: I actually quite liked the villain in this story if I recall correctly. It has a boy who sets his father on fire and then goes and attends a track & field event. NAAlso, whole bunch of other things/stuff... some of them would score like 4/5 like XXY but I can't be arsed to upload the files separately now. Too bored. Also guilt has set in about me having wasted 40 odd days pretending to be a tuber vegetable. So time for me to go back to my books.
April 20, 2020
Struggle
Like the kids say, "The struggle is real". Been having trouble setting my sleep schedule, tried syncing it with my regular school schedule. But since I don't have to go anywhere, I am not really feeling the nagging pressure of time whistling by or having to do things. Been sleeping or trapped in the youtube wormhole. Even on the days when I did make a plan on the things to do, I couldn't/didn't stick to it.
This week, instead of trying to do one hajaar million things, will try and see if I can get 2 things done. Usually I set 3 things. But lets see how things go.
Anyway, verdict for the week of April 13th - 19th. FAIL! Not productive at all. Not one bit.
This week, instead of trying to do one hajaar million things, will try and see if I can get 2 things done. Usually I set 3 things. But lets see how things go.
Anyway, verdict for the week of April 13th - 19th. FAIL! Not productive at all. Not one bit.
April 13, 2020
Trial run
Starting a new experiment. Lets' see how long this lasts.
June 12, 2019
Seeking money!
I don't like people who get obsessed with money. Think it blinds people from what really matters. And gives them an excuse for shitty behaviour. All in the name of I have to earn money to do shit. But all you end up doing is shit. Nothing worthwhile. Nothing that actually makes you happy. And if you aren't happy then by default neither are those around you. Especially the people who want to be around you. I know and understand people who seek routine in their lives. But how in the world does that make people content is something that I don't understand. I have tried. But I fail. Repeatedly. I believe that it is against peoples' very nature of being maximisers. Of wanting to do and be more. Being in equilibrium and being content is a sign that one has resigned themselves to become obsolescent. Is that the reason why people try to overcome this lull in their lives by seeking validation and photo-documenting their lives? As a response and proof that they do have a life outside of earning money. As I write this, I realise that I am speaking from a place of privilege. That the reason I can raise these questions is because I no longer have to worry about money. But looking back at the times when I didn't. Especially the times when I struggled to make rent. The times when I envied people. Envied people with money and resources. Even then. I don't recall the quest was for money as much it was about the quest for freedom and power to do the things I wanted to do without being distracted by the basic instincts of survival. Yes! Money affords you the power and freedom to do things. But it's a trade-off that you sign up for. And when people fail to recognise the trade-off. That. That is what I dislike. The failure to recognise the value of the alternative. The power of choice. Ending up with being stuck in a vicious cycle. That is what I dislike. The irony of it all is that everybody wants to be the one who breaks the cycle. Not realising that you can't break shit if you are part of the wheel.
Take a step back. Value your time. Value yourself. Be happy. Rest will follow.
Take a step back. Value your time. Value yourself. Be happy. Rest will follow.
October 17, 2018
Questions
So I have questions and I need help finding answers.
Questions like - Why is there is a sudden rise in minor voices being heard in mainstream media? Minor voices = marginalized voices. For long Dalits, farmers, women’s rights, LGBTQ rights, they have all been part of the wider discourse, but not like this. Never like this. What caused this? What was the tipping point which made the mainstream media sit up and say that this will make the top 10 news stories? What is there in some stories that make it more compelling than the others? What sort of stories are still not getting covered? And for what reasons? For example, we didn’t have so many child abuse cases being reported till that Aamir Khan came and said this happens in our homes. More importantly, he encouraged us to talk about it. So, the newspapers started running more and more stories highlighting them. Yet, we still find it difficult to have a conversation about sex and sexual orientation in a civil manner. Come to think of it, the minor voices have always spoken against the treatment meted out to them by those in power. And change has always been effected through a long and sustained challenge. Case in point, the long and arduous fight surrounding Sec 377C and the petitioners victory for everybody on getting the draconian law struck down is what in my naive and limited knowledge considers to be normal struggle and humanity showcasing that at the end of the day, commonsense will prevail. Why is there an increased disobedience against the establishment especially when we seemingly have deficit of almost everything but a deficit of information? Are the actions taken by the establishment in reaction to the rising voices or are their actions resulting in the decibel levels rising? OR is it all a vicious circle? Is the rise in decibels of minor voices a reaction to rise in conservatism globally? How are seemingly despotic ideologies being voted to power or on the rise around the world? Who is voting for them? Why are they voting for them? Especially when the voices being raised are in complete contrast to that of the establishment. OR, is it because that the new establishment has come into power that these voices are being raised around the world?
I think these are the questions, the big picture ones. The kinds which are often grasped as a viable conspiracy theory. And so, with blunted senses and pointed arguments, I shall try to make sense of the questions. Like all good mysteries, let us begin with what do I know? What have I observed?
I know that the world is in a hyper state of flux. Basic definitions, which we long held closely and chose to define us are rapidly changing without us even recognising the change. For example, literacy is no longer just limited to the 3-Rs. Even in the absence of the 3Rs, people are adapting to the technology, finding ways to connect and consume information. As a result, Institutions and positions of power which long aided in the bandaged functioning of society is getting (in most cases in spectacular fashion and often times violently)ripped off. The speed at which institutions and positions of power are being torn down is not matching the speed at which alternative models to take its place or is being replaced by a substitute anodyne as a makeshift solution.
Agreed a large number of institutions needed to be brought down, and there still remain institutions and positions of power which need to be challenged. The social fabric needs to be resewn. But what is the new fabric going to look like? Who are going to be the artisans who are going to be instrumental in giving directions? I raise this question with intrigue and a sense of excitement because I suppose, I recognise this movement to be similar to the stories I have heard or watched as documentaries from the 50s and the 60s coming from the western world. Which in contrast to the growing economic story of the east. I understand that cultural influence is directly tied in with the economic power of the story teller.
It is not surprising that change is sweeping across the world, Like Bill Burr said in some radio interview, the pendulum was kept from swinging for a really long time. Something snapped and the pendulum has been let go. Now it has swung to the other extreme. It is going to be take time before the pendulum comes to a rest. We don’t know what things people believe in or hold close to them will the pendulum knock down. What intrigues me is the response to the change. Who is responding to and how. And I am curious as a cat.
This, change, is no longer an observation as much as it is a fact of life. And as things change, we haven’t had time to make sense of what is changing, what has changed and what will change as a result of all the things which have transformed with the passage of the beast we call time. We know who is bringing in change and we understand why too. And much like Newton trying to understand gravity, I suppose I seek answers and an understanding of our response as we watch the move. I strongly believe that the increasing number and frequency of the different grassroots movements is a symptom of something bigger. One that we haven’t quite had the time to take a step back and figure out. It is also extremely evident and obvious about who opposes change - it is not going to be encouraged by those in power or those who wish to maintain status quo. But I want to know about the others. The bystanders. The undecideds. People who don't wish to venture into a debate for fear of being falling into the binary trap of right and wrong because the situation is complicated and can't be simplified to be put into words.
As I said, I don't have the answers. Just questions. Whole bunch of them. Anybody raising their hands to help me find answers to them?
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Questions like - Why is there is a sudden rise in minor voices being heard in mainstream media? Minor voices = marginalized voices. For long Dalits, farmers, women’s rights, LGBTQ rights, they have all been part of the wider discourse, but not like this. Never like this. What caused this? What was the tipping point which made the mainstream media sit up and say that this will make the top 10 news stories? What is there in some stories that make it more compelling than the others? What sort of stories are still not getting covered? And for what reasons? For example, we didn’t have so many child abuse cases being reported till that Aamir Khan came and said this happens in our homes. More importantly, he encouraged us to talk about it. So, the newspapers started running more and more stories highlighting them. Yet, we still find it difficult to have a conversation about sex and sexual orientation in a civil manner. Come to think of it, the minor voices have always spoken against the treatment meted out to them by those in power. And change has always been effected through a long and sustained challenge. Case in point, the long and arduous fight surrounding Sec 377C and the petitioners victory for everybody on getting the draconian law struck down is what in my naive and limited knowledge considers to be normal struggle and humanity showcasing that at the end of the day, commonsense will prevail. Why is there an increased disobedience against the establishment especially when we seemingly have deficit of almost everything but a deficit of information? Are the actions taken by the establishment in reaction to the rising voices or are their actions resulting in the decibel levels rising? OR is it all a vicious circle? Is the rise in decibels of minor voices a reaction to rise in conservatism globally? How are seemingly despotic ideologies being voted to power or on the rise around the world? Who is voting for them? Why are they voting for them? Especially when the voices being raised are in complete contrast to that of the establishment. OR, is it because that the new establishment has come into power that these voices are being raised around the world?
I think these are the questions, the big picture ones. The kinds which are often grasped as a viable conspiracy theory. And so, with blunted senses and pointed arguments, I shall try to make sense of the questions. Like all good mysteries, let us begin with what do I know? What have I observed?
I know that the world is in a hyper state of flux. Basic definitions, which we long held closely and chose to define us are rapidly changing without us even recognising the change. For example, literacy is no longer just limited to the 3-Rs. Even in the absence of the 3Rs, people are adapting to the technology, finding ways to connect and consume information. As a result, Institutions and positions of power which long aided in the bandaged functioning of society is getting (in most cases in spectacular fashion and often times violently)ripped off. The speed at which institutions and positions of power are being torn down is not matching the speed at which alternative models to take its place or is being replaced by a substitute anodyne as a makeshift solution.
Agreed a large number of institutions needed to be brought down, and there still remain institutions and positions of power which need to be challenged. The social fabric needs to be resewn. But what is the new fabric going to look like? Who are going to be the artisans who are going to be instrumental in giving directions? I raise this question with intrigue and a sense of excitement because I suppose, I recognise this movement to be similar to the stories I have heard or watched as documentaries from the 50s and the 60s coming from the western world. Which in contrast to the growing economic story of the east. I understand that cultural influence is directly tied in with the economic power of the story teller.
It is not surprising that change is sweeping across the world, Like Bill Burr said in some radio interview, the pendulum was kept from swinging for a really long time. Something snapped and the pendulum has been let go. Now it has swung to the other extreme. It is going to be take time before the pendulum comes to a rest. We don’t know what things people believe in or hold close to them will the pendulum knock down. What intrigues me is the response to the change. Who is responding to and how. And I am curious as a cat.
This, change, is no longer an observation as much as it is a fact of life. And as things change, we haven’t had time to make sense of what is changing, what has changed and what will change as a result of all the things which have transformed with the passage of the beast we call time. We know who is bringing in change and we understand why too. And much like Newton trying to understand gravity, I suppose I seek answers and an understanding of our response as we watch the move. I strongly believe that the increasing number and frequency of the different grassroots movements is a symptom of something bigger. One that we haven’t quite had the time to take a step back and figure out. It is also extremely evident and obvious about who opposes change - it is not going to be encouraged by those in power or those who wish to maintain status quo. But I want to know about the others. The bystanders. The undecideds. People who don't wish to venture into a debate for fear of being falling into the binary trap of right and wrong because the situation is complicated and can't be simplified to be put into words.
As I said, I don't have the answers. Just questions. Whole bunch of them. Anybody raising their hands to help me find answers to them?
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March 1, 2017
Here is what I think the future holds!
Years ago, back in 2010, I had the good fortune for working on a trend forecasting project for a proper-proper blue chip company. Our job was to predict the future five years down the line, so that the company would be well prepared to get its pipeline of products in tune for the needs of its customers for the future.
It was the first time, I came across a company which had vision.
And the project and the predictions or in market speak, the trends that we forecasted have played themselves out enough for me to thump my chest like a Neanderthal calling out to Jane, the proverbial virgin.
Time has elapsed, and I seek the same rush of predicting future trends.
So, here are my trend forecasts for the next 5 years (2017 - 2022)
Prime/Select/Premium subscriptions will enlist a human component and not just rely on an algorithm. This includes media subscriptions such as Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime etc. These services will be charged on top of the services you are already paying for as a special service. There is going to be a massive shuffle up in the conventional media set-up. The print/digital debate is going to be replaced with facts vs alternative facts. Print/Digital debate is going to be replaced by cord cutter Vs cablePeople are going to pay a premium for catered, customised services.Consumption of media is going to get lot more fractured and the concept of "bubbles" and its scope is going to be get lot more smaller. Market disruptions are going to go the physics way - In the sense that they are going to get far and few. The focus of innovation is now going to shift from one of providing convenience to one of providing control to the users. There is going to be an increased demand for storage spaces especially in urban markets. [remote garages sort of thing] Recycling things in a profitable manner is going to be new "it" thing in tech space. Even more niche hobbies are going to turn lucrativeOrganic farming, homemade accessories and handicrafts are already making their forays.Hobbyist photography, writing and other endeavours are already reaching market saturation, both from supply and demand side Immersive entertainment is going to take a massive step and change the way people consume audio visual stories. Indian movies are going to turn lot more political as the right wing will remain in power for another 5 years as lack of leadership in opposition will remain static.
Will update this or refine this till 31st May, 2017 and then freeze it.
It was the first time, I came across a company which had vision.
And the project and the predictions or in market speak, the trends that we forecasted have played themselves out enough for me to thump my chest like a Neanderthal calling out to Jane, the proverbial virgin.
Time has elapsed, and I seek the same rush of predicting future trends.
So, here are my trend forecasts for the next 5 years (2017 - 2022)
Prime/Select/Premium subscriptions will enlist a human component and not just rely on an algorithm. This includes media subscriptions such as Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime etc. These services will be charged on top of the services you are already paying for as a special service. There is going to be a massive shuffle up in the conventional media set-up. The print/digital debate is going to be replaced with facts vs alternative facts. Print/Digital debate is going to be replaced by cord cutter Vs cablePeople are going to pay a premium for catered, customised services.Consumption of media is going to get lot more fractured and the concept of "bubbles" and its scope is going to be get lot more smaller. Market disruptions are going to go the physics way - In the sense that they are going to get far and few. The focus of innovation is now going to shift from one of providing convenience to one of providing control to the users. There is going to be an increased demand for storage spaces especially in urban markets. [remote garages sort of thing] Recycling things in a profitable manner is going to be new "it" thing in tech space. Even more niche hobbies are going to turn lucrativeOrganic farming, homemade accessories and handicrafts are already making their forays.Hobbyist photography, writing and other endeavours are already reaching market saturation, both from supply and demand side Immersive entertainment is going to take a massive step and change the way people consume audio visual stories. Indian movies are going to turn lot more political as the right wing will remain in power for another 5 years as lack of leadership in opposition will remain static.
Will update this or refine this till 31st May, 2017 and then freeze it.
December 9, 2016
Insecurity
I have a confession to make. No! Confession is definitely not the word. I have an unuttered acknowledgement to make. Something I should have acknowledged long back but haven’t had the cajones to come out and say it out aloud. I am an insecure man. Depending on ones’ leanings, one might label it as ‘self-doubt’, ‘lack of self-esteem’, ‘loss of confidence’. I call it being insecure.
What am I insecure about?
Everything I suppose. Not being part of something. That I don’t belong. That I would be found as a fraud. That I am not as smart or cool or great at things I think I am. That I don’t think I deserve anything that I have or seek. That maybe I am delusional about my skills and my self-worth. That the people I consider friends would disown me if they really knew that who I am.I acknowledge that I am insecure. Which I suppose by any managerial or psycho-therapeutic text might be considered as a solid first step. They say first step is the hardest. Standing on it, I can tell that it is most definitely not. It is the not the easiest step because you are immediately pummeled with the question, ‘now what?’, ‘What next?’, ‘What is step 2?’ and ‘How do I get to step 2?’. There are these other questions which I am currently grappling with: Does insecurity also breed impatience? And short temper as a result of impatience? I know insecurity lends itself to being primitive about defense mechanisms. One adopts offense is the best defense as a way of interacting with people, only to bring about a spotlight on ones’ own tryst with insecurity. I have always battled insecurity, my defense mechanism constantly changing because the perceived threats were unpredictable. When I was being a brash, arrogant teen and I made friends, I chose humor because picking up a fight every single cricket playing evening was turning out to be complete strain and seclusion had already been ruled out as an ineffective measure by me as a young kid. So I laughed at anything and everything. I laughed at things which would have otherwise shattered any sane man. I turned older and I realized that humor was at best a flimsy deceptive veil. Easily shredded with a simple question, ‘what is so funny?’. It was the turn of the century and people were hailing it to be the information era. So I started reading. On anything and everything my eyes could lay siege upon. Time has gone by like it always does. Like an unheard albeit meaningful song being played on the radio, whose music lilts your heart, whose words find echo in the chambers of your conscience. You wish for more and yet the voice of the RJ declares that is all there is to it.
So, here I am. Acknowledging my insecurity. People say it is the first step. I search for these people who say things. People, tell me what is the next step. What does one do now?
What am I insecure about?
Everything I suppose. Not being part of something. That I don’t belong. That I would be found as a fraud. That I am not as smart or cool or great at things I think I am. That I don’t think I deserve anything that I have or seek. That maybe I am delusional about my skills and my self-worth. That the people I consider friends would disown me if they really knew that who I am.I acknowledge that I am insecure. Which I suppose by any managerial or psycho-therapeutic text might be considered as a solid first step. They say first step is the hardest. Standing on it, I can tell that it is most definitely not. It is the not the easiest step because you are immediately pummeled with the question, ‘now what?’, ‘What next?’, ‘What is step 2?’ and ‘How do I get to step 2?’. There are these other questions which I am currently grappling with: Does insecurity also breed impatience? And short temper as a result of impatience? I know insecurity lends itself to being primitive about defense mechanisms. One adopts offense is the best defense as a way of interacting with people, only to bring about a spotlight on ones’ own tryst with insecurity. I have always battled insecurity, my defense mechanism constantly changing because the perceived threats were unpredictable. When I was being a brash, arrogant teen and I made friends, I chose humor because picking up a fight every single cricket playing evening was turning out to be complete strain and seclusion had already been ruled out as an ineffective measure by me as a young kid. So I laughed at anything and everything. I laughed at things which would have otherwise shattered any sane man. I turned older and I realized that humor was at best a flimsy deceptive veil. Easily shredded with a simple question, ‘what is so funny?’. It was the turn of the century and people were hailing it to be the information era. So I started reading. On anything and everything my eyes could lay siege upon. Time has gone by like it always does. Like an unheard albeit meaningful song being played on the radio, whose music lilts your heart, whose words find echo in the chambers of your conscience. You wish for more and yet the voice of the RJ declares that is all there is to it.
So, here I am. Acknowledging my insecurity. People say it is the first step. I search for these people who say things. People, tell me what is the next step. What does one do now?
September 3, 2015
Chapter 16 - The Man with No Name
A tight slap across the girl’s soft cheek stopped her from screaming for help. ‘Where can I find him?’ Vishwa Anna questioned the girl, his fingers grabbed the girl’s hair, pulling it from its roots.Fear seeped through the girl’s jeans, wetting the car seat. ‘The man you were fucking last night! Where is he?’ Vishwa Anna expounded his question, as he shifted in his seat, his eyes languidly straying over the girl’s contours. ‘I don’t know! I don’t even know his name! Please let me go!’ The girl screamed. ‘Take the car to the lake’ Vishwa Anna tapped the driver on his shoulder from behind as he gave the direction. ‘Eh! Give the newspaper’ Vishwa Anna yelled to the guy seated behind him. Vishwa Anna handed the newspaper to the girl, ‘Here! Sit on this. Stop pissing in my car.’ Vishwa Anna waved his hand. Two pairs of hands reached out from behind pulling the girl to the very back of the car where they proceeded to pull apart her clothes and rape her. Her screams ignored as the lights on Vishwa Anna’s car blared down the outer ring road, warning other vehicles to make way.
#
The man ignored the school bus and trained his eyes on the traffic signal when he heard a familiar voice calling out to him in the din of the idling motor engines.He smiled as he saw Shivu waving out to him with Dr. Sinha looking on. He waved back. ‘Do you want pizzaaa? We are going to have pizza for dinner!’ Shivu yelled as Dr. Sinha grabbed the little boy’s shoulder, admonishing him for sticking his head out the window. The man chuckled at the absurdity of it all. Here he was running around trying to get back the last connection he had with his family, and there was a young boy gleefully sharing his dinner plans with him. The man caught the signal changing from the corner of his eyes.‘I will see you!’ The man yelled before he sped away. ‘Shivu! Get back inside!’ Dr. Sinha commanded as she shifted gears.
#
‘So Mr. Chakravarthy…’ The IB officer stubbed his cigarette atop the table, ‘Where can I find Inspector Hemant Gowda? Chakravarthy immediately jerked to reach for the phone in his pocket. The sudden move had made one of the trigger happy armed commando twitch. Zzfftt!The bullet lodged itself firmly between Chakravarthy’s eyebrows. Chakravarthy died immediately, his hands stuck in his pocket. Shankar Vaidyanathan groaned aloud as he shook his head. He leaned forward to pull the dead man’s hand out of his pocket and found his cellphone. The IB officer continued to shake his head in dismay as he unlocked the phone screen and scrolled through the call log. ‘Wipe the scene and for fuck sake follow protocol’ Shankar mumbled as he stared down at the commando who had pulled the prematurely pulled the trigger. Shankar walked out of the room as he swiftly dialed the Inspector’s number from the dead man’s phone. ‘Hello? Inspector Gowda?’ Shankar smiled as he spoke into the phone.
