Kat Hurley's Blog

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sb19MF...

With 2014 already patting me on the butt to step up to gosh-dern plate, I've hastily crafted my new mantra: All Guts, All Glory.

That said, I've started a little early on things around here. New Year's resolutions are flying out of my mouth faster than I can stuff 'em back in. I've got buckets full of lists that I'm ready to tackle. And, Yes! Of course, I'm terrified. My palms are sweating on the keys as I write this. I'm nervous as all hell that I won't, in fact, MAKE IT, but my goal with THE YEAR OF MAGICAL DREAMING is to demonstrate what it means to straddle that fence where stifling fear and the freedom of fearlessness lie on either side. And, of course, push you to do the same.

I hope you're ready for the ride, as I steadily work to convince myself that I am;) ...all guts, all glory...all guts, all glory...ALL GUTS, ALL GLORY!

By the way, the featured video was filmed after I rehearsed my lines aloud on the train and then again to myself, but also aloud, in Starbucks. The audience members were innocent green market goers who got dragged into the shoot. (Some seemed happier about that than others;) Just for the record, I'm not starting this challenge with any super powers, that shoot had me sweating too.

I leave you with this: What scares the shi-shi out of you? If money were no issue, who/what would you be? What's on your bucket-list this year?

Onward! Shall we?

follow the saga real time @ www.theyearofmagicaldreaming.com

Elisa and I all smiles at the finish;)

These past few weeks I revisited hot (very hot) Bikram yoga and have run a few races (more quickly than usual) that have pushed me to a level of mental toughness that I haven't tapped into in a while. 

As I ran the Marine Core 10k in DC last weekend, in honor of my cousin and fallen hero, Lil' Gene Mills, the mantras began around mile four. It was either that or riding off into the sunrise with a soldier and his buggy as I was struggling to maintain my semi-rhythmic breathing along with my ambitious 7:22 pace.  

I said to myself, "Ths isn't hard! I'll tell you what's hard. Sitting for ten days. Now, that's hard!" referring to the grueling Vipassana meditation retreat I survived in '09 (the closest I've ever come to mental Bootcamp).

 "Meditating for ten hours a day is hard. This is nothing!" I continued, cracking myself up.

Soldiers in uniform lined the course. I imagined them running faster than me, in combat boots, wearing backpacks filled with bricks. 

I also thought back to my recent yoga classes, which had pushed me to nearly pass out because I'm out of practice and slightly claustrophobic in that tight space and heavy humidity. It was the same feeling I used to get when I began practicing Bikram a few years ago: woozy, faint, lacking all levels of awesome.    

Rather than sit down and take a break, as the instructors often suggest, I stubbornly (and perhaps stupidly) press on with much of the same positive thought patterns: "You got this. You can do this. Just breathe." 

I don't say it aloud--I don't think. Not in yoga, at least, but that's the kind of thing I might say if I were to verbalize it. 

And when it's over, it's all worth it. Proving to yourself that you can in fact DO IT. Whatever IT is for you. And it's that proof that we need constantly in life that yes, we're strong enough to do anything we set out for.

In yoga, in races, in my work, I chunk things down to attainable tasks. An hour and a half is a long ass time to be in a tight room that's pushing 100 degrees if you don't stay on task, pose for pose. In races, it's mile for mile.  In work, it's one day at a time. 

I'm not gonna lie, there are moments that suck. Sometimes many moments that suck, strung together forming a perfect shitstorm of suckage, when you're pretty sure you're simply not gonna make it. Yet, each time you do is another tally on the board in your favor: Me: 10! (Insert your challenge): Zero! 

And that mental tally is often just the momentum you need to go after something that scares you. That very something that will change you. 

Remember, we are all equipped with talent of some sort, it's mostly the guts that need the nurturing!

Much love!

kat

kat hurley  

Team Gene in training.

I have been on the receiving end of a generous outpouring of support this year. With my book launch just on the horizon, I thought what better time than this to give back by offering two virtual coaching seats *FREE to two brave souls ready to make an extraordinary difference in their lives. 

Transformational coaching is a lot like having a personal trainer for your mind. I act as a sounding board, a bull-shit detector, a motivator, and a strategist. I have helped clients in the past overcome weight and body issues and career road blocks, as well as release pain from the past and grief of loss, to name a few.

If you'd be interested in the opportunity to take advantage of three *FREE full months of coaching (that's six full hours of coaching, 1/2 hour a week, a $600-900 value), or know someone who is, either send me a message with just the few bits of information I ask of you below, or forward this link http://kathurley.com/about-now/ to someone you'd think would truly benefit.

Please know that all entrants are confidential. Your name and none of your information will be posted on FB or any other social media. I take your privacy very seriously. 

How to enter: 

You may send me a private email at hurleyk11@gmail.com or any other convenient way you'd prefer with this information. 

*Your name

*Age

*Areas in which you are stuck

*At least one goal, but no more than three that you'd like to accomplish in the next three months

*What is keeping you from living your best life?

That's it! 

Please get your responses to me as soon as possible. The winners will be chosen Monday, August 12th. 

I look forward to your responses and thank you in advance for your participation. All entrants will receive a FREE 1/2 hour strategy session just for participating. 

In Love and Gratitude,

Kat

**top image from the everyday shaman

 

This week's challenge was inspired by a brave woman who posted in our open FB group:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/gratitudeisthenewsexy/ . She said that after five long years of battling cancer she can finally admit that she is grateful for it. Through all the people she has met and the opportunities that have come her way, she wouldn't trade it for different circumstances. 

I just love that.

 There is so much empowerment to embrace in not only the acceptance of something, but finding the silver lining in the situation, no matter how scary. 

Don't worry. For those of you who might be fretting over this one, this doesn't happen overnight. For many people it may take time and perhaps guidance from a professional to get them to take this sort of mental leap. 

Yet, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that this may be the most profound thing that you can do in the mental, and possibly physical, healing of any wound. 

So even though you might not be at all mentally prepared to take this kind of jump, leaning into the idea is always a good place to start. 

Think of all the things that wouldn't be possible if A hadn't happened. Or all the wonderful stuff that has emerged due to the fact that B happened. 

Because we will never be able to turn back the clock and change what occurred, it is in our best interest to start looking at it differently. Not to sugar coat it, but to see it for what it truly is. The past. The past that has made you who you are today. The past that you could not separate from where you stand right now no matter how hard you try.  

The first step is acceptance (always). Once that begins to resonate you may be surprised at what gifts you are able to see in the situation, no matter how uncomfortable it feels to admit. Soon you will begin to shed the walls that protect those soft spots and feel lighter, freer. Finally, you will start to develop a sense of gratitude around the situation, again it will feel super-awkward at first, but believe me ... once you get to the other side there is nothing more liberating. You're past has no more control over you and you are free to do/feel/be whatever it is that you choose!

We'll start here: I could go on for days about this one, but let this just be some solid food for thought.  Lean into it, if that's where you stand. And let me know, either publicly or privately if you have any questions, comments, whathaveyous.

This is a biggie! But worth every bit. 

Much love, 

kat

 

It is only recently that I began to learn the art of asking for help. For years I clumsily staggered along too stiff-necked for my own good. I'd watch others succeed at things, here and there, both big and small and I'd often wonder, "What is it that they have that I don't?" "Why can't that kind of stuff happen to me?" I'd pout my way through my usual 'poor me's' and then I'd be right back to what I did best, stubbornly waiting on life to tip its fairness scale and throw me, at the very least, a decent ham bone.

I would bitch and complain about people who did less than me and got more. I'd gather evidence and point fingers and make sure I had enough folks on "my side" where we could all sit and sulk together at life's bitter inequities.

It wasn't until just a couple of years ago that I realized the only difference between me and them : THEY ASKED! That's it. Plain and simple. They frickin' asked. They looked rejection in the eye and didn't back down, because what's the worse that could happen: NO ... so what. And from the looks of it YES happened far more often than NO, so why not just go for it.

How come I had never thought of that? Or maybe I had, but was just too wimpy to try.  I faked it all along as being "independent," when really I was slurping the haterade, growing more pessimistic by the moment.

Even with this new knowledge it still took me a few years before I began to hone my skills. Things like asking for a raise, or an extra day of vacation, or, I don't know, directions seem to paralyze me. Perhaps I was just hell bent on waiting on the world to hand me over what I was so undoubtedly due, or perhaps I was still too proud to admit that I had been wrong all along, in every facet.   

While the rusty wheels on my perspective started to shift, I began to notice the bravery in these people and gained what at first felt like a twisted respect. They knew what they wanted and they weren't afraid to ask for it. Why did that seem so strange? Sometimes it still doesn't click; I guess because somewhere along the road I learned that those who ask for help are considered weak. But from this point of view it is rather blatant that those who ask for help are merely smart and resourceful.

In my crash course in marketing that I've recently delved into as author, publisher, entrepreneur there has been one consistent theme: gather your resources and use them wisely. I have never felt more vulnerable in such a task, however it has been my greatest lesson. There is nothing weak about allowing people to show their support for you; in fact, I've never felt more confident that I'm on the right path.   

This week I encourage you to ask for support, no matter how big or how small. Seek out a mentor, ask for some money for a project or cause, ask for help with your workout regimen or an on-going weight loss battle. You will be surprised how good it feels to have the support. And what's the worst they can say??  

... Then ask someone else! 

As always, you are welcome to share your stories and comments. I look forward to hearing from you. 

Much love, 

kat

 

I get asked the same few questions about meditation all the time. "How do you do it?" "What's supposed to happen?" "How do you shut off your mind?"  

My answer is always the same. Patience.

Patience, patience and patience. 

I often wonder if they leave more frustrated than when we started.  But it really is that simple. There is no real "right" way. Each day it's different. And everyone just sort of does what works for them.

"Well, I can't do it then," is usually the response I get. My grin probably doesn't help: "There is nothing to do, really," I say. 

Except practice, that is. Which is why it is so perfectly named just that, a practice. 

I can only joke and tease about this now, because just four short years ago, I too was asking the same questions. I had naively expected that my own simple intentions were enough to shut off my mind and that I would obtain peace instantaneously upon effort.  Only to quickly find out that wasn't the case.

Little did I know that meditation is much like mental fitness. You wouldn't expect to go to the gym and do everything a seasoned athlete could do. The same goes for meditation. Our minds are conditioned to go-go-go. We have a constant inner-monologue on repeat, and when that dies out we sing lyrics to songs we don't even like or do other dumb things like count, or I dunno, beat box. Silence would mean the end, right?

It's impossible!

This week's challenge, don't worry, is not to sit and meditate for an hour a day. It is, however, to find meditative moments; moments of conscious breath where thoughts will continue to rise, yet with no emotion spared, your goal is to let them come and go for the time in which you have grasped. 

I like to do this with my eyes closed, but it's up to you. I also prefer to be seated, but I imagine it could be just as effective standing. While I'm in a waiting room, on the subway, a park bench, during a commercial break, or waiting for a page to load on my so-last-century PC: I shut my eyes and simply breathe. 

I draw in my breath toward the top of my head and then I send it out all the way through my feet. Then I go the opposite way. I pull in a deep breath all the way from the floor and then send it out through my head: repeat. 

It may be one minute, or three, honestly it doesn't matter how long or how short. Even 30 seconds is enough to find at least some level of stillness and relieve stress.

Remember: Patience. Don't get frustrated. It is a practice! If suddenly you realize you haven't been meditating at all, just go back to the breath, and let go. And then let go again. Eventually you will find moments of peace, glimpses of silence that will make it all worth it.

Believe me, I know from experience;) 

The other question people ask me all the time, "Why do you do it?" In other words, "What do you get out of it?" 

After only a few months, my mental fitness was such that I began to see the patterns. I learned to laugh at my "monkey mind" as they call it. I no longer ran off on negative thought patterns or got tricked out by some false belief because I could see them as they came through, the clouds rolling in.

Instead, I know quiet now; I'm not afraid of stillness. I thrive on the 15-30 minutes a day when I can tune in to the peace from which I came and re-connect. Re-charge. 

I know it may sound like a whole lot of airy fairy whoo-whoo, but I promise you it works. Yet, resist the urge to go looking for something, just let it come in it's own time. And it will.

Patience.

You will know when it happens and you may not even be able to explain it, and then, inevitable, you will lose it.

Patience. 

Much love, 

kat

Oh, and please do let us know how you're doing. Comments, as always, are welcomed and encouraged;) 

PS...Below is a story about my first go at meditation, an excerpt from my upcoming memoir I Think I'll Make It .

 **The Hatch was super old school. Longtime executive members traipsed
down the stairs into the musty basement for their methodical daily routine. The
population was older, more than half Asian/local Hawaiian, the owner was haole (white),
the employees, mostly haole, not that anyone noticed. Brian was one of maybe
twenty members who were in their thirties or under. I was the only female
trainer. I taught some eight-odd classes a week—from water aerobics to kickboxing,
Butts-n-Balls to boot camp, and everything in between. Despite the few
occasional complaints, that little dungeon basement was the best medicine any
expert could have prescribed. I had more aunties and uncles down there than I
knew what to do with. And, they just thought I was the best thing since canned Spam.
A true island ohana (family), really.

#

It was in that basement gym where the scent of eucalyptus that rose
from the steam room greeted you as you came down the steps—blanketing any signs
of mold or mildew—that I first found my own true
breath. One of our yoga instructors, Shiva, had shown up to a nearly empty
class, and while he waited for takers he joined the conversation at my desk
regarding the Tao Te Ching and
meditation.

Sure, the three-minute preface and closure to yoga classes made the
concept of meditation inviting, even trendy to yuppie twenty- and thirty-somethings
all over, it seemed, but to sit all by yourself, without the stretch pants and
matching Lululemon top, somewhere outside of the studio, was a whole different
kettle of fish. So, when Shiva suggested we do a meditation class instead of
his regular yoga class, in the comfort of our normal, make-shift space, the
four of us were all in to give it a try.

It wasn’t the first time I’d spoken to Shiva about meditation. He
had laughed with (at) me on several occasions while I expressed my struggle to
seize even three of those damn four conscious breaths that Eckhart Tolle suggested to
become aware of the present moment. I joked with him about my restless mind
that entertained a constant barrage of images and a shuffling marquee of
personal headlines.

Shiva was an experienced meditator who had traveled the world taking
courses. He sat for three hours a day, morning, noon, and night. And, you could
tell. He floated into the room, modestly dressed, accessorizing with only a
plain necklace and a splendid smile. His charming Indian accent made each bit
of phrasing sound boyishly inquisitive. His gleaming pearly whites confirmed my
assumption that he was, in fact, fed by the universe—there was no sign of plaque
or stains associated with our cultural interpretation of nourishment. His
tender aura was clearly unaffected by the bustling world around him. His motto
of “anyone can do it” didn’t fool me—he rode a motorcycle; I would have bet he
had a magic carpet hidden in one of those tiny compartments.

We followed his simple instructions, practicing stillness for a half
hour or so using physical, breathing, and visual techniques. I squirmed during
each attempt, adjusting in between methods, frustrated that my erect posture was
so painful to maintain. His smile was playful, which I saw as almost demeaning.
He promised the sitting part would get easier with time as he settled with ease
even deeper into his own posture.

He prompted us with questions following each technique. “How was
that one for you?” He’d open the floor then address each of us individually. We
all got much of the same: his forgiving smile accompanied with a few
suggestions to help ease our frustration in what felt like failed attempts. “It’s
OK, you’ll be fine,” he said, so simply dismissing our shortcomings.

My technique wavered, and I struggled to stay on task. Yet, I
attained flashes of what felt like insight that branded me. Then, suddenly it
came. I softened, honing in on simple intentions to quiet the incessant traffic
in my head—and it happened. My body began to tingle with a sense of presence I
had never known. My eyes welled up with tears. A foreign stillness resonated in
my limbs. I was looking from behind my eyes and could see peace like I had
never imagined. I felt it—all
encompassing—converging my concepts of divinity. It wasn’t long, several seconds,
maybe it was a minute, before flickering thoughts began to spark, barging back
in, unannounced guests. Yet, the few moments of clarity I had fortuitously
grasped seemed to present themselves as elfin gifts in the divine package of
unmasked awareness. It was then that I made a pact to begin a daily practice,
any practice—mindful, I needed a lot of it.

#

I clung to my pact with the fortitude of my own pinky promise,
leading me to a committed daily practice of morning, noon, and night. First,
stemming from simple, gratifying instants of peace, which grew into minutes,
then finally, when I was lucky, twenty whole minutes wrapped with ribbons at a
time. Sometimes I felt like a natural—probably a guru in my past life. Yet, far
more often than sometimes, I felt
like a feebleminded child. For the record, arguing with yourself in half lotus
is still plain arguing with yourself.**

This week is all about connections. I know...just a couple weeks ago I had you telling everybody "NO!" and this week I'm switching gears and asking you to open up.

That's what it is all about: the dichotomy; and finding balance. Saying 'no' while still staying connected. What better way to do that than with a phone call, a note, a text, or the internet.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all about personal connection. It kills me to miss a family or friend function, but when my goals are at stake and the bigger picture is flashing in my head, I have to find a balance that keeps me connected while staying focused.

When I simply can't be there in person, I try to find another way to connect to let them know I'm there in spirit.

Or, if I am in attendance at an event, perhaps one I may have even resisted RSVP'ing to in the first place, I make a large effort to give my full attention rather than hoping to remain invisible while poking at my phone in the corner somewhere. Because, let's face it, you never know who could be in that room and what opportunities/connections you could be missing out on.

The gift of presence:

In today's world where our attention spans are growing shorter and shorter, there is little more valuable than someone's attention. If an event is impossible to get out of: a company picnic, your favorite niece's graduation that, of course, happened to land on the worst day possible, your husband's promotion dinner, etc., first: accept it (there's that word again!). You fighting where the event fell on your calendar, and your opinion about where that dang event should have been held (Not in the Boondocks!) is not, despite your best efforts, going to change things. Two: show some respect. Put your phone away, engage genuinely, smile even, and who knows, you might actually enjoy yourself. 

So when you say 'yes', do so whole-heartedly. Half-assing anything really is a waste of time altogether, in my opinion. It hurts both you and whoever is on the receiving end, almost always. Even with something as trivial as calling in Chinese Take-out you have an opportunity to make someone's day. Each connection, no matter whether it is holding the door for someone, or being patient with the checkout lady is sending out a signal.

Which channel do you want to be on?

I happen to dig the groovy Abundance channel, therefore I practice this EVERYDAY, even when I might not have the energy for it. In so doing, I am often surprised with the energy I generate from other people's responses to my gift of presence. They will likely light up like a bulb, which always gets me feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, which only generates more energy.

...And the gift just keeps on giving.

So, this week, focus on your connections. ALL of them! If you can't be there in person, reach out, be honest, and express your regrets. If you can make it, but it wasn't your first choice of occasions, make the best of it. Let go of your other plans and invest your attention, because the signals you send go far beyond that room, really.

Also, take every opportunity to connect, why wouldn't you? Because you, my dears, have been lucky enough to stumble upon the gift of gratitude, the mindset of positive energy, the sunny rose colored glasses ... it is now your responsibility (in case you didn't get the memo) to go and share that with the world. 

Start your own ripple effect, no matter how small. Touch each and every soul you encounter, because like Ghandi said each of us are capable to be the change we want to see in the world.

OK, so I may have gotten a little bit carried away with the Ghandi quote, but you know what I mean;)  

Matter. Simply, matter.

Much love,

kat

PS...All of you, in the open group, have the administrative ability to invite folks into the Gratitude is the New Sexy Group, so please do so at your leisure.

This week's challenge is called: How to Accept a Compliment and Other Marvelous Ways to Let People Lift You Up. I'm almost certain that men do this too, but I can only imagine that us women have perfected the art form of how to wiggle our way out of a compliment: What, this nasty old thing? 

What is it about compliments, favors and other genuine acts of kindness that gets us feeling all uneasy inside? I don't get it. I do it all the time: make myself small for no real reason in the world.  

Just yesterday I was telling a few friends at work about the amazing three-day California weekend I had just returned from. (Elisa and I had won an all-expense-paid incredible trip that I was still reveling in.) We were pampered, the weather was perfect, the views were stunning, the whole nine; but as soon as my audience began to ooh and ahh at my description and dare throw out a "good for you; you deserve it," I broke.

I blurted out, "But, don't worry...right when I got back I chipped three teeth! So how's that for glitz and glamour?"

Right after if flew off my lips, I thought to myself, "Why'd I say that?" I instinctively knew what I had just done only seconds after it happened. And then, to make matters worse, I continued; I was on a roll ..."So everything I make tonight is going to fix that stupid mess--oh well, it's always something..."

What?! It's not always something. I preach that it's not always something. On so many levels I've witnessed that if your attention is in the right place it's impossible to be always something, but I slipped into the trap; the collective unconcious and made my something, always something. And to think I did it for the sake of someone else!!

I guess subconsciously somewhere I was worried that they would think I was bragging. But now, I've only added to the collective negative assumption that there is always something!! 

Fuck.

So here I am trying to correct that mistake by helping you (my dear reader) not fall into the same trap. In fact, it's a constant practice. How on earth we became such a culture of negativity, I will never know. Misery sure does love company, and we do a terrific job making sure she's never lonely.

This week, I challenge you to take every compliment graciously. Fight the urge to negate whatever it is that you're being complimented on, your saggy boobs, your dumpy house, your crooked teeth, your only-for-a-second well-behaved son, whatever it is...(smile) "Why thank you; I really appreciate you saying so." 

Done. See how easy that is?

And then run away if you have to before some smart-alecky comment comes flying out.

Also this week, if someone offers to help, don't say, "No, I'd hate to take you away from your lazy Sunday." Instead try: "Really? That would be awesome. Thank you so much."

You know how good it feels to help someone else, so think about it this way: you are giving them the opportunity to feel generous and giving too.

Same goes for money and presents ... don't say, "No, you shouldn't have." Try instead to accept all gifts as what they are, an exchange of positive energy. You owe them nothing more than your good vibes back.

See? No guilt. Even if you know you'll never be able to pay them back, just continue to be awesome and give what you can, when you can. They wouldn't have offered if you weren't already doing something right.

So next time someone tries to pick up the tab at dinner, don't try to arm wrestle 'em for it, or pull that credit card switch-a-roo, or, worse, make the waitress feel incredibly awkward with your piercing eye contact: take-my-card-or-die-bitch. Instead say, "Thank you. That is very nice of you. Next time it's on me." Or leave out the "next time," if there is no next time, or if you could never possibly afford a next time. Instead, send a $2.50 plus postage thank you note that in this day and age would mean more than possibly one hundred next times.  

And there you have it, the quick and dirty guide on how to take compliments and accept a plethora of other not-too-shabby things. Because, like Jack Handey says, you're good enough, you're strong enough, and gosh darn it, people like you!

-much love.

As always, feel free to be a part of the conversation. Let us know your challenge triumphs or tribulations. We're all in it together;)

For this week's challenge I've picked out a short excerpt from my upcoming book I Think I'll Make It in an effort to illustrate just how much I needed a challenge like this only a few short years ago ...

"I had been the yes girl my entire life. It was as if I had
never been taught the liberation in the word no. Sure, I may have uttered it once or twice before, with the authority
of, oh, I don’t know, a lamb.

“Come on, you don’t really mean no,
right?”

“I mean, I did, but I
guess … no, I can’t. I mean, I shouldn’t. Well—I suppose I could stay for a
little bit longer.”

And then there I’d be, inevitably, drinking another beer, heading to
another party, or going on a four-hour, 2:00 a.m. road trip.

I had a network of friends from high school and college right in and
around Baltimore, so I had to make sure to “Keep up with the Joneses,” as Gma
would say. Plus, I had the incessant need to uphold my duty as Captain People Pleaser.
I would run around burning candles and sticks and anything else I could set
fire to from both ends, in an effort to save every last soul from the slightest
disappointment my absence might evoke. I was a hamster on a wheel, a rat in a
race, or just a feeble rodent who never grew a pair. Either way you sliced it,
I was exhausted. So—

I took up being the no girl. "

... And that is your challenge for the week. Learning to say no forcefully, yet gracefully. "I would love to, but I just can't."

End of story. No ifs, ands, or buts!

For some of you this week's challenge will be no big deal. You've already mastered this basic yet essential skill. Yet, for those of you who are anything like what I have described myself as above, I might as well have challenged you to part the ever-loving sea. Fear not; there is hope. If I can do it, and get a kick out of it, believe me, so can you.

In almost every personal development book I've ever read, and I have a whole library, each of them has dedicated a number of pages to the importance of giving to yourself first. Just like when the oxygen masks falls from the ceiling of the plane, we are instructed to place it over our face before we begin to help anyone else.

Without our own energy, or in this case oxygen, we are no bueno to anyone. Instead we give, give, give until it's gone and then we're left standing there scratching our head confused wondering who took it all away from us. But the fact is, we spent it. We spent every last dime carelessly and we have no one to blame but ourselves.

I don't mean to sound harsh. Sometimes it just takes a little bit of HONESTY to really move the needle. As a society we've gotten so good at sugar coating everything I realize that when someone gets honest it can often sound like a scratch on the ol' record, or as my students used to call them, the big black cd's. Scrrrretch!

Well, I'm asking you to be honest with yourself here. It's that awareness thing I keep bringing up. What is the motivation behind your decisions? It took me a long time to figure that one out. It could be a whole 'nother post entirely, but I'll just give you a glimpse ...  

"If I say yes, they'll be happy. If I go, it will be fun and I won't miss out on anything and everyone will be happy. Also, I will fill up my day and not have to be alone, or bored, or have time to do things that I'm scared of like, say, following my dreams, because that'll take months or years, and let's be honest, I'll probably fail anyway. So what's another day!?"

We've also become a society of enablers. We make so many excuses for what we do ourselves that we're just as willing to hand out excuses for those who might not have even come up with them on their own!

So there are really two parts of this challenge. One: saying no yourself; and two: respecting other people's no-s.

As we are continually reminded, there is no more important asset in life than time. Think about it as money for a second. Would you throw away money to everything you give your time to?? Or would you ask, or often demand, money from someone else?? 

As a culture, we, in the course of our lifetime, will throw away nearly a decade of our life to television. Think about all those times you said "yes" because you felt guilty saying no ... you may have a few more years!

I'm not asking you to say no to everything, of course not. I'm just asking you to choose more wisely. Not everything we do will be all fun, glitz and glamour, but just don't forget to give back to yourself. Recharge.

When the mask falls, cover your face first. Then maybe take a minute and enjoy the silence before you think about saving the rest;)

-much love.

Humans are the only species who can elicit a stress response just by thought alone. And don't we just love to fester in those thoughts, especially those keeping us stifled by fear?

I was listening to a great talk the other day by Brendon Burchard. He regularly gives talks for hundreds of people all over the world and often asks the same question: What's your biggest fear? He notes that the fear of rejection seems to be universal, in the top three at every conference.

He then asks the audience to raise their hands if they've been rejected once. Most people raise their hands. He continues: twice? Hands still raised. By the time he gets to seven, most people have dropped their hands. He has a point! Seven times out of how many? Thousands of interactions! Yet we miss out on amazing opportunities because of those seven, OBVIOUSLY STUPID, people!  

We create all sorts of barriers for ourselves and have fears surrounding some of the most simple tasks, but once it's there and god forbid we label it, then we're totally screwed.

For years I accepted the fact that I was claustrophobic  My mom was claustrophobic  I was told, so I just decided it ran in the family, and that was that. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that my brothers use to sit on a pillow they held over my head until I fought and, through muffled screams, kicked my way free.

In a crowded elevator I would start to think about the lack of oxygen and how warm it was, and sure enough I would get warmer and my breath would get shallow, my chest heavy. I would talk myself into a panic attack by the time we reached the next floor.

I am also afraid of heights. Despite climbing every tree in the neighborhood as a child, it was definitely something I picked up later. I think it was cute to be afraid of things in middle school and high school. For the boys, at least, who feared I might kick their ass, I would play dumb, and scared, trying to act more girly somehow. (This, btw, may have followed the seventh grade breakup that included a note that read: I'm just not used to girls that are better at [insert: tackle] football than me. It's probably for the best. Can we still be friends? Yes or No. Circle one.)

Then there's a whole list of things I'm not particularly fond of, like spiders, rodents, and anything slimy that I may have confused once or twice for scared. If you say it, it's one thing, but when you begin to respond to a situation emotionally, your cellular memory gets involved, therefore eliciting a chemical/hormonal response to the event, which is often when we classify the fear. 

So what's my point?

My point is that we must unlearn our fears. Psychologists do this all the time with their patients who suffer from severe phobias; I'm just giving you the gist. I recommend that we start with the small things so that by time we get to the life changing monsters, we've already gotten good and comfortable with the dark.

This week's challenge is to pick one fear. For me, I started with elevators and then I moved on to heights. I can't say that I'm going to jump out of a plane any time soon, or bury myself in a coffin, but I have challenged those fears often enough that my body no longer elicits a response in "normal" day-to-day events. I can ride an elevator all the way to the pent house and do yoga on a rooftop deck without peeing myself, or get caught in a traffic jam inside the Holland Tunnel without being white-knuckled on the steering wheel. Yes, I still cried like a baby the last time I rode a roller coaster, but I did it damnit...proving to myself just how powerful our mind-over-matter can be.

For you it might be taking a Zumba class, or going to the gym, or starting a big project, or signing up for a class, joining a club, taking a big vacation, asking someone on a date, saying I'm sorry to a friend or relative you haven't spoken to in years....the list is endless.

As silly as a simple task as this may sound, by doing so, you will be creating more evidence in your favor for building a great case to tackle larger goals/dreams.

My clients often admit, "I lack confidence, and that's what's holding me back." My suggestion is always the same: Well then get your ass out there and find all sorts of places where you're confident! We list them: "I'm confident in my tennis game, I'm confident in my computer skills, I'm confident in driving a car, in riding a bike, in changing a diaper (all things that seemed impossible at one point).

Catch my drift? 

So, as silly as it may sound. I challenge you this week to scare the pants off yourself;) Get creative. Get bold. And be BADASS!!

Much Love.