Elda M. Lopez's Blog

This article by Olivia Liveng via Forbes magazine provokes thought, and hopefully, may help hinder actions.

Vacations are a great escape from our everyday lives. A good soak in the sun, a swim in the surf, exploring new cultures, sights, foods, etc, all lend themselves to another world where common stresses don’t exist and body, mind, and spirit can rejuvenate. We can relax and reset. Maybe get a little too relaxed.

Bell says, “Before going on a trip, take a moment to unpack your sincere intentions. They will dictate your long-lasting choices that could define your future.”

Why does traveling seem to smudge our moral lines?

It all begins with a glance. A fleeting moment of eye contact across a sun-drenched piazza, a touch during a salsa dance in Havana, or the rush of adventure on an impromptu motorcycle ride through Bali. For some, these encounters are innocent. For others, they mark the start of a dalliance that might cross a line.

The usual boundaries fade when we’re far from home. Maybe it’s the lingering effects of a second (or third) piña colada, maybe it’s the anonymity, or perhaps even that seductive belief that vacations exist in a world separate from real life.

According to a new study, nearly half of American travelers have acted on that conviction. That’s right; according to asurvey of 1,231 adult Americans conducted byRadical Storage, a staggering 41.3% of respondents admit to cheating on their partner on vacation.

The findings expose a troubling trend: travel may be both an escape from routine…and accountability. The survey also found that over half of those surveyed (56.5%) experienced “tourist syndrome” while away, which Radical Storage defines as, “the greater inclination to misbehave or be rude on vacation.”

Gen Z is the most prone to, shall we say, “YOLO’ing it,” with 72% admitting to behaving differently while on a trip. Additionally, 42.5% of respondents confessed to breaking the law on vacation—and 43.8% said they’ve bent the rules while traveling that they’d typically respect at home. Even statues aren’t safe from their antics, with 32.3% admitting to posing inappropriately for a quick photo op. Sorry, Michelangelo!

But all this vacation-induced rambunctiousness raises a question: Why does traveling seem to smudge our moral lines, especially regarding cheating? It’s time to bring in the experts.

Why Do People Stray More on Vacation?

Betraying one’s partner during a trip isn’t as much about opportunity as about mindset. The same study found that 34.9% of travelers feel more flirtatious while away. One theory? These cheeky fantasies may stem from films and television glamorizing the idea of a holiday romance, subtly shaping our perceptions and expectations.

However, according to Sophy Singer, founder of the conscious matchmaking agencySophy Love, travel itself creates a unique psychological and emotional setting that often leads people in committed relationships to stray.

“Rather than this being merely about the chance to act on desire, it is a result of deeper, often unconscious, emotional needs that arise when someone is physically ‘far’ from their partner,” Singer explains. “Only then does travel present itself as an opening to cheat.”

Exploration allows for a break from routines and the identities that define everyday life. “Often, when someone isn’t living a life or isn’t in a relationship aligned with their authentic self, the parts of them that feel constrained or neglected in daily life are exposed while they are on a trip,” she explains.

“Without the grounding of home life and routine, these parts can hijack decision-making and lead to impulsive actions. This creates a high that temporarily soothes the parts carrying deeper feelings of loneliness or longing for validation.”

Psychologists refer to this behavioral shift as the disinhibition effect. This term describes how individuals feel freer to act outside their moral boundaries when removed from their usual social framework. Without shared routines or mutual acquaintances to keep them in check, travelers often convince themselves that their actions exist in a separate reality where consequences won’t follow them home.

Liana Bell, the Head of Member Experience atThe Bond, a matchmaking company in major American cities, agrees. “Travel often brings excitement—an opportunity to explore new places, far from the familiar environment where people might know you. Moreover, with the rise of social media, the idea of endless possibilities and new experiences makes the allure of betrayal even more tempting.” Said platforms often present a curated version of the truth, making expectations surpass reality.

Some who stray on a trip are even upfront about it: 40.6% of respondents excused their disloyalty and lousy behavior by arguing that, in the words of the survey, ‘a vacation is a time to let your hair down and have some fun.’

But betrayal while traveling isn’t always an impulsive decision. Singer notes that vacation infidelity often signals more than just a fleeting attraction. For some, it’s a symptom of underlying dissatisfaction; for others, it’s simply a way of testing boundaries they already wanted to cross.

Bell believes that the concept of “vacation mode” may not necessarily change people’s inhibitions but rather provide a chance to act on their desires. “Vacation mode” is defined as a psychological state where individuals feel more relaxed, carefree, and open to new experiences. It can amplify underlying issues or unexpressed feelings within a relationship, making us more aware of the potential for emotional revelations during travel.

Where Are People Most Likely to Stray?

While infidelity can happen anywhere, specific destinations may organically encourage it more than others. Some locations create the seemingly perfect storm for cheating, whether it’s the obscurity of a fast-paced metropolis, the romance of a European escape, or the indulgence of an all-inclusive resort (with those unlimited drinks package, oh my!).

Las Vegas is a prime example, with its neon glow, 24-hour casinos, and sometimes hedonistic atmosphere. It can be easy to embrace the idea that “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” and, consequently, boundaries can blur—including, for some, relationship commitments.

Another hotspot is Ibiza, with its legendary beach parties and nonstop nightlife. The island’s high-energy culture fosters an environment where impulsive decisions and fleeting connections are not just normalized but encouraged. The same goes for Miami, where sun-soaked afternoons become sultry evenings, and social circles expand as quickly as South Beach horizons.

But it’s not just party destinations seeing a spike in vacation betrayal. Romantic cities like Paris, Rome, and Venice play on profound emotional and sensory experiences. Candlelit dinners, historic architecture, and the aura of romance woven into the cityscape can create the illusion of something inevitable, even fated (or literature nerds, shall we say star-crossed?).

All-inclusive resorts also provide a setting where the lines between relaxation and temptation can become fuzzy. With unlimited drinks, bikinis, swim trunks (hello, Speedos!), social pools, and activities like dance classes and cocktail-making, these resorts foster an easy, carefree atmosphere where meeting new people is inevitable.

Sometimes, so is crossing a line. Singer notes destinations like Cancun, Punta Cana, and the Maldives are often cited as places where travelers feel detached from their everyday selves, making it easier to justify actions they might otherwise resist.

What Happens When the Vacation Ends?

For many, vacation betrayal fades into memory as quickly as a suntan. A passing flirtation, a secret to tuck away, a brief indulgence in another life. But for others, the consequences loiter long after the suitcase is unpacked–like that blistering sunburn that no aloe can relieve.

According to Singer, when a partner strays while traveling, a range of internal emotions arise as they come home and must internally reckon with what happened. “A protective part of them might justify the conduct with something like, ‘It didn’t mean anything.’ Meanwhile, another part, concerned with loyalty and fear of losing their significant other, might feel deep remorse.” This leads to an internal conflict where secrecy, avoidance, dissociation, and sometimes emotional withdrawal with oneself and their partner can arise.

She emphasizes that infidelity while traveling is not about physical distance but rather about emotional distance. “It points to things that are unresolved within oneself and the relationship. My first piece of advice is to slow down and turn inward. This is an opportunity for growth and healing. Ideally, with a trained coach or therapist, spend some time compassionately connecting with those parts of you that led to these decisions.”

Bell shares that people often go to great lengths to justify their actions, but this doesn’t erase the guilt that may persist afterward. Guilt, when unchecked, can take a serious toll on someone’s mental well-being. She says, “Trust is the foundation in a relationship, and pretending or justifying bad actions only provides a temporary fix for a deeper issue.”

Additionally, the thrill of getting away with betrayal can create a dangerous pattern. “If someone cheats on a holiday and gets away with it, they may become more likely to cheat again,” says Bell. “The thrill may become a drug.”

But let’s refrain from all doom and gloom.Ariel Andersen, a couple’s therapist who has seen every problem in the metaphorical couple’s book, says there are ways to remain faithful to your partner while still fulfilling these desires and needs for spontaneity.

“Suggest you and your partner go on a vacation and role-play as if you haven’t met yet,” she explains. “You can agree to meet at the hotel bar, lock eyes, and let the new surroundings do their job.  Sometimes, all we need in a stale relationship is a new environment to shake things up and remind us how green our grass is.”

Is Travel an Escape or an Excuse?

The journey of self-awareness following travel infidelity is not easy and requires proper guidance. “The work can be loving and gentle and will lead you to a deeper level of self-awareness and self-love that will inevitably bring you into a more conscious and sustainable long-term relationship,” Singer says.

At its best, travel is about transformation—broadening perspectives, embracing spontaneity, and stepping into experiences that change us. But when nearly half of travelers admit to making choices they’d never make at home, it raises a bigger question: Does travel provide a loophole for indulgence?

Perhaps the real issue isn’t that people behave differently while traveling but believe their actions abroad exist outside of real life. But the truth is, getaways end, and flights land. The temporary world that made those choices feel so distant eventually fades, leaving travelers with the reality and ramifications of their actions.

For some, the experience is a blip on the radar, quickly forgotten. For others, it may be a turning point or a realization that something has shifted, whether it’s their relationship or sense of self. Ultimately, whether travel is an escape or an excuse isn’t a question of geography but of intention.

Bell says, “Before going on a trip, take a moment to unpack your sincere intentions. They will dictate your long-lasting choices that could define your future.”

*Something to consider before taking another drink of liquid courage; otherwise, an indefinite vacation of the worst kind could be in your future.**Forbes original article, March 21, 2025: https://bit.ly/4d2mElz

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Bespoke Diaries, an online site (details below), reached out and asked if I’d be interested in writing an article. I was, and I did. I wrote about infidelity prevention and healthy relationship-building. But I didn’t realize they also planned to create a few reels to accompany my work. One has audio with a well-spoken British man narrating the article. I was pleasantly surprised! I’m happy to report, it turned out well

A bit about Bespoke Diaries:

“Bespoke Diaries” was born out of a desire to be someone’s rainbow in a cloud through words and ideas of inspiring individuals around us…our diary is filled with ideas and thoughts of ordinary people living extraordinary lives.

https://www.thebespokediaries.com

Click link and give a listen. (Redirects to IG)

https://bit.ly/3R08R5X

 

PRWeb 

The (IN)FIDELITY FACTOR Author Celebrates the Book’s 10th Anniversary with Second Edition Launch

Elda M. Lopez, Author of the well-received book, THE (IN)FIDELITY FACTOR: Points to Ponder Before You Cheat, is commemorating the 10th Anniversary of the book with a second edition launch. The updated version features a new and illustrative book cover, slightly modified content, and a reflection page on what has happened over the last decade.“This is a must read for anyone who is contemplating or who has experienced infidelity. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself in this book. Elda definitely lets you know you aren’t alone. A fast, humorous, and easy read. You won’t be disappointed.”

LOS ANGELES (PRWEB) JANUARY 31, 2023

Touted as a tool for the prevention of infidelity, THE (IN)FIDELITY FACTOR offers simple, effective, viable points to ponder for anyone who is in a committed relationship but conflicted about the role of infidelity. Throughout the book, the author offers unbiased facts, surveys, and personal stories to demonstrate the impact and repercussions of cheating.

As someone who has been on both sides of the infidelity fence, Lopez writes from a place of experience and understanding. Her approach is nonjudgmental. She shares her own journey with betrayal and her inspiration to explore infidelity prevention as a healthier option.

Asked about the motivation for launching a second edition, the author explained. “Infidelity is a pervasive issue that has become normalized. The intent is to keep prevention and healthy relationship-building in the public eye. Individual responsibility is a key component toward relationship satisfaction and longevity. I hope new readers will benefit from the timeless guidance the book presents.”

The subject of unfaithfulness is evergreen. The objective of THE (IN)FIDELITY FACTOR remains the same — to present enough useful information, statistics, commentary, examples, and factual life narratives to stimulate practical thought. Through this dynamic resource, readers will learn the importance of self-awareness, accountability, personal growth, relationship skills, and the steps to take when fidelity is challenged.

Over the last decade, THE (IN)FIDELITY FACTOR has racked up many positive reviews. Readers have hailed the book as insightful, entertaining, sobering, and witty. One reader said: “This is a must-read for anyone who is contemplating or has experienced infidelity. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself in this book. Elda definitely lets you know you’re not alone. A fast, humorous, and easy read. You won’t be disappointed.”

The second edition of THE (IN)FIDELITY FACTOR is available for purchase at https://www.amazon.com/FIDELITY-FACTOR-Points-Ponder-Before-ebook/dp/B00ATSB73C/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2IQLC2HVCHDDD&keywords=the+infidelity+factor&qid=1674667958&sprefix=the+infidelity+factor%2Caps%2C188&sr=8-1Amazon in Kindle and paperback formats. For further information about the book and the author, visit: https://eldamlopez.com/https://eldamlopez.com.
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Media contact: Elda M. Lopez
Email: info@eldamlopez.com

Media

 

 

Brad Walsh is on a mission to promote women’s stories. How great is that? Fortuitously, I was one of those women. I had the best time chatting with Brad on his Empowerography podcast. His podcast can be found on Spotify and other audio outlets. He’s a podcast coach, super-connector, and #1 International best-selling author.

His podcast empowers women one episode at a time. Empower. Elevate. Educate. His taglines–agreed! The fact that one man cares to listen to and promote women’s narratives is refreshing and welcomed. He’s calm, engaging, and informative. So much so, I couldn’t stop talking! But, that’s what I was there for. Mission accomplished.

Listen in: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0NCNngXpJqeMFHfKYCazqn

 

I was contacted by The LA Note, an online publication, to be featured on their platform. After a few emails, it was decided I’d be a better fit for their online Thought Leaders Ethos publication (read about them below). Great!

As always, it’s inspiring to be sought out and considered of interest to the public at large. Positive feedback is greatly appreciated. It keeps me moving forward. Aligning goals with reality can be challenging. It’s an ongoing, sometimes tedious process, but I’m in for the long haul. Gotta keep the message resonating.

Info about Thought Leaders and the Q&A link below. Feel free to share

About Us

Thought Leaders Ethos brings together the best and brightest minds to highlight their unique perspective and voice. Our mission is to turn great ideas into action by showcasing the people, ideas and events shaping the world’s most exciting innovations.

Ethos is the brain child of friends who set out to make a difference in the world, despite the challenging odds of circumstance, political climate, religious belief, and the unrelenting temptation of self-doubt. The main driver behind Ethos is providing a platform for action takers to voice their thoughts while giving the spotlight to amazing individuals who normally wouldn’t get shine.

https://thoughtleadersethos.com/elda-lopez-uses-a-non-judgmental-approach-towards-infidelity-prevention-and-building-healthy-relationships/

It’s good to know people are still “listening” and want to hear more about infidelity prevention. Because, why not?

I received a request to include my message and various in The Los Angeles Tribune online. This person saw my information in Voyage LA (another online publication) and felt it deserved another audience. So, here I am!

I hope you enjoy the read. If not, let me know that too.

Excerpt:

What struggles along the way did you face?

I had to keep expanding my boundaries to accommodate people’s stories. This wasn’t a struggle per se, but it was startling and thought-provoking. It challenged me to look at the subject matter with fresh eyes.

I knew infidelity wasn’t one size fits all due to each of us having distinct backstories, some more intense than others, but the variations on this theme were astounding, as they continue to be. It was a huge learning curve. One that allowed for extensive insight, compassion, and the need to keep working towards prevention.

 

…Interestingly enough, men have been more candid with their feelings than women. Generally, men are seen as lacking emotional depth, but the fact that many have reached out to me and have confided their circumstances through honest discussions is indicative of conversations that need to be encouraged. I wholeheartedly applaud this!

My next project is relationship coaching for men. 

 

Full Q&A here: https://thelosangelestribune.com/2021/04/17/catching-up-with-elda-m-lopez/

 

 

 

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Couples, whether you’re part of one or know of someone who is, might be experiencing a variety of issues due to COVID. Quarantining without the benefit of normal activities at our disposal can cause problems we never saw coming–never.

By now, we’ve read or heard of the good, bad, and ugly of being in close quarters with a significant other. Well, here’s one more. I asked Cathy Chamblis, my go-to therapist, to weigh in about her experience with those facing COVID challenges. 

EML: What is the main issue you see facing couples during COVID?

Cathy:

One main issue I’ve seen confronting couples during COVID: couples are spending too much time together. When couples spend too much time together, the annoyances that already exist tend to be more noticeable.

For example, if a partner interrupts a lot, it may be more problematic because both are working from home and are interacting more often, as opposed to when they used to go to the office and only saw each other at the end of the day, or on the weekend.

I believe that a healthy relationship is having interdependence, which means there is a balanced amount of time between being together and being apart. It’s important to have time for personal hobbies, friends, self, etc., and equally important to have quality time with your partner to connect and enjoy the relationship. When both are constantly at home, and there isn’t the option to see friends or go out, it’s causing more conflict between some couples. They don’t have the opportunity to have time to do the things that fulfilled them individually.

***

I’m a huge proponent of interdependence per Cathy’s example. When possible, find a way to work it into your relationship. Find the time to breathe and take pleasure in personal pursuits that spark joy and appreciation. It could be something as simple as carving out time to read a book, watch a movie solo, or have a phone chat with a friend. These activities help to clear the mind of stress and adds a refresh to the relationship.

Then, when needed, rinse and repeat

*See the Resource page for Cathy’s contact info

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“Looking back, he probably wasn’t such a good friend, or even a friend at all, if he was helping to contribute to my situation. But, no matter what, I was, and still am, responsible for my actions.”

What is your most important piece (or pieces) of advice for men?

Communicate, communicate, communicate with your wife or significant other, and with a trusted male friend of sound mind. The only person who knew of my infidelity was someone I called a friend, yet he encouraged me and participated in it. He would call or text me wondering if I was hooking up with anyone and if they might be interested in meeting him for a hookup too, or he would call and tell me he knew someone who wanted to hook up with me.

Funny how good of a friend he was. I called him the day after I was thrown out of my house. He said, oh man, that happens, and I haven’t heard from him since. I haven’t called him and won’t. A true friend does not abandon you in times of desperation.

Looking back, he probably wasn’t such a good friend, or even a friend at all, if he was helping to contribute to my situation. But, no matter what, I was, and still am, responsible for my actions.

I will also say, seek out and learn about yourself and your tendencies. I was very passive-aggressive, that’s not healthy. I also learned how my family history of addictive behavior manifests in different ways. My addictive behavior (although I’m now in victory over porn/lust) can, and likely will, show up in other forms. If I am aware, I can be on guard. I’m choosing to be aware.

Something else I learned is how porn and lust cause changes in the brain. I mentioned this before, but it’s important to know that it’s scientifically shown, via MRI scans of the brain, that viewing even one porn image causes changes in the brain similar to a drug addict using cocaine or whichever drug of choice. That information needs to be shared! It’s critical that people, especially men, are aware of this. Viewing porn is just as addictive as being hooked on drugs. In fact, in my eyes, more so. Help abounds in drug treatment, but there is much more judgment with porn addicts.

**Communication is key (I’ve been saying that for years, it’s not a new concept), yet honest communication incites fear in some. Look what Brett went through due to lack of communication. He paid an immense price, but he’s also trying to improve and redeem himself. A foundation for building a healthy relationship is also about emotional intelligence. It’s highly beneficial to develop deeper levels of understanding about yourself and your partner. Brett now gets that and leads by example.

***There’s still plenty more to Brett’s story. Keep tuning in!

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“I would say I feel sorrow, even now, on an almost daily basis, although there are no more secrets.”

What is your greatest struggle?

As far as my greatest current struggle, it is with my family, mainly my father, but a bit with my mother, too. My mother uses guilt as a way to get what she wants. It is not all with bad intentions. Sometimes it’s just about wanting me to visit, etc. But still, it’s guilt. My father is a harsh man with strong opinions. What I didn’t realize is how both of these things affected me. See, their love and approval are very much performance-based. The best way to describe it is: What have you done for me lately?

No matter what I do, it’s never enough.

What I see now is that it carried over into my marriage. I unconsciously felt the love from my wife would be the same way. It’s not, and never has been. Also, while I never really got along with my in-laws (I always felt they were substandard to me), they, and their family, loved me unconditionally. So, all that backstory is to say my biggest struggle is my relationship with my father. For now, I have just pulled back. I do not want to set myself up for constant judgment. Instead, I’m creating some distance while I continue to heal.

What is your greatest regret?

My greatest regret is, without a doubt, the hurt I caused my wife. Seeing what I have done and the pain my actions caused is something I still regret deeply. I would say I feel sorrow, even now, on an almost daily basis, although there are no more secrets.

My wife never did anything remotely to cause, or deserve, the pain. My other regret is that I did not try to talk to someone. That may have helped, but much like an alcoholic, I had to hit the bottom of this addiction.

 

**Struggles and regrets, we each carry them to some degree. Brett’s continue to haunt him. Yet, he remains optimistic and continues to move forward. 

Can you relate? What are some of your struggles? Regrets? Are you working through them or ignoring them? How’s that working for you?

My regret about my marriage ending with infidelity (ex-husband cheated) is my lack of understanding of how a partnership truly works. I had preconceived notions that didn’t serve me well. I thought I had all the answers, obviously, I didn’t, nor did he. But, thankfully, through deep diving into relationship matters, I have healthier answers now.

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 “I have learned a whole lot about myself: why I am the way I am, why I react the way I do, why I chose infidelity.” 

Aha moments. They may be few and far between, but when they happen, the result is awareness. Sometimes they’re loud and clear, at other times so subtle they’re barely recognizable yet have a strong impact nonetheless. Brett talks about his moments and what they mean.

Did you experience an aha moment?

I don’t think I knew it right then, but my aha moment was that day in the park when I spoke to the man I called for help. Since then, I have learned a whole lot about myself: why I am the way I am, why I react the way I do, why I chose infidelity, etc. 

I am proud to say, after my conversation with that man, I have not once looked at porn or have been remotely close to seeking a connection outside of my marriage.

I tried for many years to free myself from my addictive behavior but could not. When I released control and surrendered, I was immediately freed from my issue. I’m not an overly religious man, but my recovery was possible through meeting a person of faith, and I’m grateful. I am well aware it does not happen that way for most people, but for me, I feel blessed that it did. 

During this time, I worked through a video series. The speaker in the series was an admitted alcoholic and porn addict. He said he was freed from being an alcoholic, but it took him two years to conquer his porn addiction. I found out porn changes brain chemistry.*

My second aha moment was discovering my addictive behavior. I was raised around alcoholics and saw the destruction it caused. At a young age, I resolved never to drink. What I didn’t know is that I am genetically predisposed to addictive behavior. So, while I never touched alcohol, my addictive behavior manifested in this other way–porn. Of course, I did not know that at the time. Knowing this allows me to put safeguards in place against other addictive traits that may manifest in the future. 

Why do you think porn is difficult to overcome?

Nobody wants to admit fault, much less publicly, so here we have this super addictive behavior that affects the body similar to cocaine and nobody talks about it, which leads to more loneliness that feeds the addiction further. How many people gather together and watch porn? Few, I would guess. Most people do it in secret, and that’s where it stays. Much of the power comes from secrecy. There is much less power when it’s revealed, in the light so to speak.

*Repeated consumption of porn causes the brain to literally rewire itself. It triggers the brain to pump out chemicals and form new nerve pathways, leading to profound and lasting changes in the brain. (Per fightthenewdrug.org.)

**Porn is a thriving industry. Some believe any form is immoral, some use it for couples’ stimulation, and others indulge alone in secret with various behaviors attached. These are only a few examples, but if any type of behavior becomes unhealthy, it’s time for self-check and reevaluation. Brett changed–anything is possible.

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