Charlene Quiram's Blog

[image error]This viral pandemic is responsible for countless casualties. It has the potential to break our hearts in a million ways…

Our oldest son, his wife, and their two young children were scheduled to visit us this weekend. It’s the only break in my son’s graduate studies program, the only weekend he could spare because of study time. But then, because my granddaughter Olive’s CHD status turns a potential coronavirus contagion to a life-and-death situation for her, they’ve wisely cancelled the visit. My son is working full-time from home so the only exposure their family gets is the weekly trip get food and supplies. Because my husband still commutes into work a few days a week to access files he can’t from home, they felt the risk too high.

I understand. I agree staying home, mitigating their risk is the wise thing to do.

But I don’t like it. Not one bit. I was so looking forward to Judah and Olive hugs, to hosting my son and his wife, and perhaps even give them a break from the insane amount of attention two children under four require. The quashing of this much-anticipated visit feels like one more small death. One tiny death caused by an invisible virus that is racking up death tolls all over the world.

I get it. In comparison to losing the life of a loved one, this temporary loss of connection is infinitesimally small. But when added to the list of other losses we’re shouldering as a result of Coronavirus risk—a much-needed and anticipated vacation-cancelled, church and bible studies-cancelled, appointment for new contact lenses—cancelled, a plummeting retirement account balance, and so on and so on—this cancellation was the straw that broke this camel-haired grandma’s heart. I cried.

And that’s a good thing. I need a break from time to time: A good cry to flush out a heart heavy from reading myriad accounts of human suffering as well as my own minor suffering. If Mister Rogers taught us anything, it’s that hard feelings need to be expressed in a healthy way.

I also need a break from my feelings of calendar-entitlement. A truly humbling heart-break reminds me to make plans with my heart open, open to God’s plan, even when it conflicts with my desires. Like Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane the night he was betrayed. “Not my will, but yours be done.”

Every new event I add to my calendar should be under-girded with the words God-willing. Small and large.

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.” Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.” James 4:13-15

And lastly, I can list all of the things I’m grateful to God for. Fill a page. Anything from loved ones, to an adequate supply of toilet paper. Thank God. Then, thank others.

A simple formula: Acknowledge Grief. Humility. Gratitude.

Grieve the loss. No matter how big or small. Cry. Yell. Punch pillows. Our feelings aren’t good or bad. They are consequences of being human and real or perceived loss.
Remember we don’t own our time here. It’s all God’s gift to us. As is our money, our relationships, and every other blessing we have—even toilet paper.
Demonstrate gratitude. Write a letter to God listing all the blessings we’re grateful for. Send gratitude to all we can at this difficult time.

This virus has the potential to break our hearts in a million ways.

That’s okay. A broken heart can be a great reminder of WHO has our heart in his hands in the first place. And all the ways He showers us with his love.

 

 

“I didn’t do it on purpose!”              “How did I end up in this mess?”              “Will I ever lose this weight?”       “Why do I always hate my job after a short time?“      “Should I go out with this guy?”       “All my friends are retiring, why can’t I afford to?”              “Why does my spiritual life feel so empty?”

 

Be honest. Unless you’re a psychopath it’s likely these sort of statements have either crossed your mind or come out your mouth. When you live your life with intention—another way of saying on purpose—you will know the answer to these questions. Better yet, you’ll rarely need to ask them. And rarely need to apologize for something you didn’t mean to say or do.

To live intentionally you need to consciously make decisions with your goals in mind.

That’s it! Easy peasy, right?

Not so fast!

[image error]

Your life is made up of millions, probably billions of decisions. Some decisions are conscious, like when you ask, “Do I really want this muffin?” Some decisions you make by default, like when you turn on the television and surf stations out of habit or waste two hours on Facebook rabbit trails. Even when you postpone or neglect to make a decision you’ve made a decision.

In one day, you make thousands of decisions. In one minute, you often make several: to order a latte, remove your gloves, and check your texts. I want to help you learn to make the best decisions, whether those decisions are big or small. Big decisions include the influences you surround yourself with and small decisions are what flavor ice cream to order. Some small decisions are not really small at all, because they can lead to major life shifts (like texting while driving).

Over time, many small decisions shape your character. The philandering spouse can say, “It just happened,” but the truth is, she put herself in a compromising situation emotionally and spiritually long before she physically cheated. A flirt. A text to an old friend. Allowing your marriage to become less important than other interests. A series of small decisions usually precede the life-altering ones. For good or for bad.

I want you to live a purposeful, meaningful life. And if you’re with me so far, you probably want the same.

Our decisions have spiritual consequences.

“For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.” 2 Corinthians 5:10

In Matthew 22:36-40 Jesus was asked, “‘Teacher, what is the greatest commandment?’

“He replied, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

The currency of the Kingdom of Heaven is love. Likewise, love is the currency of good decisions. Even our small decisions have implications both for this life and the next. Scripture is full of ways to love God and others. Feed the hungry. Clothe the needy. Forgive your enemy. Love your neighbor. Some decisions come under the larger category because they change your life forever. Adopt an orphan. Befriend and help a widow. “For whatever you did for the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” Matthew 25:40

Life is best lived moment by moment. By deciding to be mindful or cognizant of where we are and what we’re doing in the present moment, as opposed to stewing over regrets (self-inflicted) or grievances (other-inflicted) from the past or worries (unwanted) or desires (wanted) for the future, we experience life as God meant for us to experience it. We take away the judgments, strivings, and desires we were never meant to hold close. We marvel at the contrast of jade leaves under a cobalt sky, we savor the aroma and crackle of the fire-pit, we taste the subtle sweetness of an apple, and we cherish the warmth of a friend’s hug. Studies show living in the now will make us happier. It makes sense. When we choose to savor the every day delights God has blessed us with, we’re not regretting or worrying, but grateful.

Gratitude is an important key to happiness.

I know there are times when life buries you in sorrow and pain, making it nearly impossible to glimpse a blessing. On the dark days where you struggle for gratitude, be present and real with your suffering. Go to our Lord. Allow the realization of your Father’s unconditional love to replace the fear surrounding your suffering with loving trust. Trusting God may not make your situation any different, but an eternal perspective as the son or daughter of the Creator is sure to lesson the severity and allow you to shine His light to others buried with you.

With few exceptions, your life will be shaped by what you think about yourself. About God. About others.Your beliefs will influence the collection of decisions you make.

As important as living in the moment and striving to make everyday decisions with intent rather than by default is, it is far more crucial to be intentional about the big decisions you are faced with because unless your larger goals are worthwhile and in alignment with God’s purposes, the little ones won’t matter nearly as much. Your life will be off-course. Less than your Father’s wishes for your life. And while God is great at transforming our broken lives into His masterpiece, things almost always go smoother when you align your life with His purpose for you, using the gifts He gave you.

Big decisions impact your life’s trajectory in big ways.

[image error]

That’s why making important decisions are stressful. Naturally you don’t want to make a mistake. Mistakes cost you time and/or money. Mistakes may hurt someone. Too often making the right decision may hurt someone.

Sometimes in an effort to lessen the stress you wait to the last minute, or completely deny the need to make a decision. Not making a timely important decision because you’re afraid of making the wrong decision or you don’t want to hurt another person, may work for less important things, but disregarding a big decision or waiting until the last minute usually works against you. Not making a decision, whether consciously or unconsciously, is still a decision.

The good news is that you can learn how to take some or all of the stress out of stressful decisions and goal setting using proven methods to intentionally decide.

Before exploring important decision making, you’ll need to uncover your life’s purpose. At least your life’s purpose for the season of life you’re currently in or moving toward.

You’ll learn how to strategically set goals and create plans that, when followed, will insure you succeed in living your life’s purpose. Whether you goal is to get a great job out of college, find the best spouse for you, or be the best parent you can be, you will start with the big picture goals, develop strategies for reaching them, and decide which concrete actions to take in the present to move you toward those goals, with confidence that comes from knowing how daily decisions move you either closer or further from success.

And at the end of your life you’ll be able to say you’ve lived your life on purpose. You won’t have regrets. Like Paul, you’ll be able to say, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” 2 Timothy 4:7 And in the next life, you might hear a “Well done!” at the judgment seat.

Your Best Guess Summary Questions:

What was the last big decision you made?
What process did you use to make this decision?
In the past twenty-four hours, what % of the time did you make conscious decisions?
In the past week, what % of your waking time consisted of conscious action steps toward a specific goal?
What % of your time did you do things that pulled you away from your goal?
How much of your time is spent in the past (regret, grievance) or the future (anxiety, desire)?
How would living your life on purpose feel?

“I didn’t do it on purpose!”              “How did I end up in this mess?”              “Will I ever lose this weight?”       “Why do I always hate my job after a short time?“      “Should I go out with this guy?”       “All my friends are retiring, why can’t I afford to?”              “Why does my spiritual life feel so empty?”

 

Be honest. Unless you’re a psychopath it’s likely these sort of statements have either crossed your mind or come out your mouth. When you live your life with intention—another way of saying on purpose—you will know the answer to these questions. Better yet, you’ll rarely need to ask them. And rarely need to apologize for something you didn’t mean to say or do.

To live intentionally you need to consciously make decisions with your goals in mind.

That’s it! Easy peasy, right?

Not so fast!

[image error]

Your life is made up of millions, probably billions of decisions. Some decisions are conscious, like when you ask, “Do I really want this muffin?” Some decisions you make by default, like when you turn on the television and surf stations out of habit or waste two hours on Facebook rabbit trails. Even when you postpone or neglect to make a decision you’ve made a decision.

In one day, you make thousands of decisions. In one minute, you often make several: to order a latte, remove your gloves, and check your texts. I want to help you learn to make the best decisions, whether those decisions are big or small. Big decisions include the influences you surround yourself with and small decisions are what flavor ice cream to order. Some small decisions are not really small at all, because they can lead to major life shifts (like texting while driving).

Over time, many small decisions shape your character. The philandering spouse can say, “It just happened,” but the truth is, she put herself in a compromising situation emotionally and spiritually long before she physically cheated. A flirt. A text to an old friend. Allowing your marriage to become less important than other interests. A series of small decisions usually precede the life-altering ones. For good or for bad.

I want you to live a purposeful, meaningful life. And if you’re with me so far, you probably want the same.

Our decisions have spiritual consequences.

“For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.” 2 Corinthians 5:10

In Matthew 22:36-40 Jesus was asked, “‘Teacher, what is the greatest commandment?’

“He replied, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

The currency of the Kingdom of Heaven is love. Likewise, love is the currency of good decisions. Even our small decisions have implications both for this life and the next. Scripture is full of ways to love God and others. Feed the hungry. Clothe the needy. Forgive your enemy. Love your neighbor. Some decisions come under the larger category because they change your life forever. Adopt an orphan. Befriend and help a widow. “For whatever you did for the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” Matthew 25:40

Life is best lived moment by moment. By deciding to be mindful or cognizant of where we are and what we’re doing in the present moment, as opposed to stewing over regrets (self-inflicted) or grievances (other-inflicted) from the past or worries (unwanted) or desires (wanted) for the future, we experience life as God meant for us to experience it. We take away the judgments, strivings, and desires we were never meant to hold close. We marvel at the contrast of jade leaves under a cobalt sky, we savor the aroma and crackle of the fire-pit, we taste the subtle sweetness of an apple, and we cherish the warmth of a friend’s hug. Studies show living in the now will make us happier. It makes sense. When we choose to savor the every day delights God has blessed us with, we’re not regretting or worrying, but grateful.

Gratitude is an important key to happiness.

I know there are times when life buries you in sorrow and pain, making it nearly impossible to glimpse a blessing. On the dark days where you struggle for gratitude, be present and real with your suffering. Go to our Lord. Allow the realization of your Father’s unconditional love to replace the fear surrounding your suffering with loving trust. Trusting God may not make your situation any different, but an eternal perspective as the son or daughter of the Creator is sure to lesson the severity and allow you to shine His light to others buried with you.

With few exceptions, your life will be shaped by what you think about yourself. About God. About others.Your beliefs will influence the collection of decisions you make.

As important as living in the moment and striving to make everyday decisions with intent rather than by default is, it is far more crucial to be intentional about the big decisions you are faced with because unless your larger goals are worthwhile and in alignment with God’s purposes, the little ones won’t matter nearly as much. Your life will be off-course. Less than your Father’s wishes for your life. And while God is great at transforming our broken lives into His masterpiece, things almost always go smoother when you align your life with His purpose for you, using the gifts He gave you.

Big decisions impact your life’s trajectory in big ways.

[image error]

That’s why making important decisions are stressful. Naturally you don’t want to make a mistake. Mistakes cost you time and/or money. Mistakes may hurt someone. Too often making the right decision may hurt someone.

Sometimes in an effort to lessen the stress you wait to the last minute, or completely deny the need to make a decision. Not making a timely important decision because you’re afraid of making the wrong decision or you don’t want to hurt another person, may work for less important things, but disregarding a big decision or waiting until the last minute usually works against you. Not making a decision, whether consciously or unconsciously, is still a decision.

The good news is that you can learn how to take some or all of the stress out of stressful decisions and goal setting using proven methods to intentionally decide.

Before exploring important decision making, you’ll need to uncover your life’s purpose. At least your life’s purpose for the season of life you’re currently in or moving toward.

You’ll learn how to strategically set goals and create plans that, when followed, will insure you succeed in living your life’s purpose. Whether you goal is to get a great job out of college, find the best spouse for you, or be the best parent you can be, you will start with the big picture goals, develop strategies for reaching them, and decide which concrete actions to take in the present to move you toward those goals, with confidence that comes from knowing how daily decisions move you either closer or further from success.

And at the end of your life you’ll be able to say you’ve lived your life on purpose. You won’t have regrets. Like Paul, you’ll be able to say, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” 2 Timothy 4:7 And in the next life, you might hear a “Well done!” at the judgment seat.

Your Best Guess Summary Questions:

What was the last big decision you made?
What process did you use to make this decision?
In the past twenty-four hours, what % of the time did you make conscious decisions?
In the past week, what % of your waking time consisted of conscious action steps toward a specific goal?
What % of your time did you do things that pulled you away from your goal?
How much of your time is spent in the past (regret, grievance) or the future (anxiety, desire)?
How would living your life on purpose feel?

Filed under: Contests

I write to entertain readers. And to have a great time. And to make God smile.

Readers and reviewers tell me reading HIGH was a fun wild ride. They love the characters, the dialogue, the intrigue and especially the suspense.

Writing YA romantic thrillers is wildly entertaining for me! My characters feel alive and real. They speak to me in dreams, and take my story on twists and turns I hadn’t planned. When I’m in the zone, I feel like I’m fulfilling my unique purpose.

Like maybe God smiles.
Filed under: Why I Love Young Adults

I write to inspire Young Adults.

Many young adults struggle with brutal problems. In addition to the historically common questions ~ Who am I?, What is my purpose? What career path should I follow? Who should I ask to prom or who will ask me? ~ today’s YAs face broken families, addiction, sexual exploitation, bullying, and more.

It helps to read about young adults confronting real problems that mirror their own. At the very least, they realize they are not alone, that their problem isn’t unique to them. At best, they may be inspired to act or react in a healthier way.

The Transcender characters, even the well-intentioned characters are like the rest of us. Flawed. They mess up. Feel like failures. Do stupid things.

Their families are broken. Divorced. Alcoholics. Battered.

HIGH: The Way of an Eagle offers readers romance, intrigue, and suspense in a story that touches on real life challenges for YAs: divorce, amputation, adoption, suicide. Supernatural powers in the Transcenders books aren’t random. They derive from passages in the Old Testament.

And a demon messes up their already messed-up lives.

Filed under: Why I Love Young Adults

I write YA to encourage readers like Leah.

Leah sent me a full-page typed letter telling me she loved reading HIGH: The Way of an Eagle so much she read it twice. Twice!

Leah said reading about Verona’s experience at the new school helped her adjust to her change of schools. I literally cried. This is the ultimate reward for a YA author. Thank you, Leah!

Filed under: Why I Love Young Adults

Red Rising, by Pierce Brown

LOVED this ambitious debut novel. A new twist on dystopian… the action-and there is lots of hang-nail chewing action-is set on Mars. Darrow, a hell-diver in the lowest-colored red class (think rainbow caste system), discovers what he’s been told all his life is a lie. In order to make his martyred wife’s dream a reality, he must become his worst enemy, a Gold, and then defeat the best of the best at their own game… a vicious game of capture the flag in a medieval-like setting.

Red Rising’s a recipe for fun and many hours of reading adventure with ingredients from some of my favorites: Harry Potter, Hunger Games, Game of Thrones, Divergent, Avatar, and more!

If you’ve read Red Rising, let me know what you thought in the comment section.

HATE that I have to wait for the sequels!

Filed under: YA books

 

The scraping crash sent a shock up my spine. Even with the windows closed and the air conditioner humming . I jumped to the side window. A young man stood in my neighbor’s driveway, shouting to someone at the front of my house.

I ran downstairs, opened the front door, and beheld the above image. A truck had plowed over our bushes and into our river birch. Then I saw a young man with blood, streaming red, bright as his mangled truck, down his face. Despite the air bag deploying, his forehead had smashed into the windshield.

The driver meandered around the truck, muttering fatalistic predictions, interspersed with apologies:

“I’m dead.” This clearly wasn’t true, but if he didn’t stop the blood gushing from his head…

His co-worker, having worn his seatbelt, had suffered slight airbag burns.

“My dad’s gonna kill me!” the driver wailed, while patting the blood riveting down his face with the hem of his blue work shirt. He tried to move the truck by himself and implored our help.

His coworker, the neighbor boy, and I looked at it, shook our heads, thinking it intuitively obvious the truck would fail to budge by manpower alone. We said, “You need a tow truck.”

I retrieved a clean dishtowel towel, and covered it with liquid soap, and yelled for my daughter to call 911.

“I’m so sorry,” the driver must’ve said a dozen times in the first five minutes.

I reassured him that I didn’t care one iota about our landscaping, or at least not near as much as I cared about him.

He needed medical attention.

More than that, he needed the perspective that comes with time, experience, and maturity. It was a car wreck. It would be a hassle, but it wasn’t the end of his life.

I felt rather confident that his father would not, in fact, kill him. He might be angry, frustrated, dismayed that his son became so distracted while driving in a residential neighborhood, that he could cross through the oncoming lane of traffic, plow over several bushes, and into a tree.

The young man alluded to numerous other offenses he’d made in the recent past… offenses he was still reaping the consequences of. He was concerned these past infractions would  weigh into how his father would react. They probably would.

But these things happen for a reason. If the other consequences failed to teach him… there would be this. If this fails, there will be more.

Young Adults are the same in some ways and completely different in others. I see quite a bit of variety in the six we have here, not-to-mention their countless friends and coworkers.

One way Young Adults are the same:

YOUNG ADULTS have no idea how much they are loved.

A Young Adult can not fathom how deep his parent’s love is for him or her until they have their own child. Every time I read, I’ll Love You Forever, by Roger Knapp, to my young boys, I cried.

“I’ll love you forever. I’ll like you for always. As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.”

It got me. It still gets me. Why? Because it’s true. This picture says it all.

I’LL LOVE YOU FOREVER

In Chapter 15 of the Gospel of Luke, Jesus tells the story of two sons. One made good decisions and one did not. The father rejoiced when the son who’d chosen poorly changed his ways.

We parents are human. Most of us get angry and frustrated when our YA doesn’t behave in a way we think is wise, when our expectations are not met.

Why is that? While the situations may be different, all well-intentioned parents want their child to be happy, successful, and enjoy the peace that comes with freedom.

Poor decisions lead to misery and bondage. We want so much more for our precious sons and daughters. We grieve when they go off-roading into swamps of sin or joy-riding into the chains of addiction. And we rejoice when they change!

One way Young Adults are different:

Some Young Adults seem to have an innate desire to remain firmly on the path that will lead to happiness, success, and freedom.

Others seem to veer off at every temptation~alcohol, drugs, debt…. swerving toward trouble at the slightest provocation.

Most fall somewhere in the middle.

If you are a YA, which category do you fit in?

If you’re a parent now, which type were you at fifteen, eighteen, twenty-five?

Check the box that applies.

Take Our Poll

If you are prone to go off-roading, there’s still time to change before you crash.

Even if you have crashed, but are still reading this, you can change.

YOU ARE WORTH IT!

And you are loved. By your parents and friends. And by the King of the Universe.

Filed under: Why I Love Young Adults Tagged: car crash, love, Young adults

Last weekend, approximately 10,000 (mostly) Young Adult fans from all over North America filled the Baltimore Convention Center. If you’re my age, you’re probably wondering if Bruce Springsteen has come back from the eighties. The answer to that is, no.

Question: Was the teen heartthrob band One Direction Playing?

One Direction Concert

Answer: Nope, 1D played at the Meadowlands this week—I know, their biggest fan, my niece, Aileen, had front row seats. I’m guessing she still has a mile-wide smile and some degree of tinnitus.

But no. It wasn’t a concert. The big draw was BronyCon 2014.

What is BronyCon?

BronyCon is the world’s largest convention for fans of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

At BronyCon, adults of all ages, teenagers, and a few children (I suspect some parents are clandestine Bronies) come to socialize and share in their love of all things Pony. In addition to a huge, huge, huge vendor hall with all types

Brony Laura Wishart with a Pinkie Pie fan.

of art, music, and other pony paraphernalia, various panels explore subjects ranging from writing Fan Fiction to interviews with the show’s voice actors. Many of the attending Bronies (think Bro and Pony) wear costumes depicting a wide array of characters seen on the show. Like any good club, they have code words for virtually everything and hundreds of insider jokes.

 

If you’re not familiar with the phenomenon of Bronies, this is where you’re wondering: Why would young adults, particularly male young adults, be at all interested in a cartoon intended for small girls? Are they gay? Or perverted? Or just weird?

 

I’ll admit, when I first saw our 6’ 1” son wearing a tee-shirt featuring a big-eyed pinkish purple pony with a unicorn horn, I was, well, concerned. When I discovered he was a regular attendee of the My Little Pony Club at his college, I decided to investigate. What is a Brony?

So I watched the Netflix documentary, Bronies: The Extremely Unexpected Adult Fans of My Little Pony. 

 

And then it made sense for me. Bronies are weird. But wait.

If one defines normal young adulthood by what many of the so-called popular kids do: getting drunk and/or high all weekend, trying to hook up with girls for the thrill of it, or forging an impenetrable fortress around your heart in order to tolerate the jokes and ridicule of friends, then Bronies are not normal.

Bronies are tenderhearted. They admit to liking a colorful, well-written show that highlights the qualities of friendship. Some will cry in public. Many are self-described nerds, misfits, socially awkward. Most want to make the world a better place. One young man in the documentary has Asperger’s Syndrome and is terribly awkward socially, but feels at home with other Bronies.

Why is this?

Judgements are not allowed in Bronyville. Judgments would go against the love and tolerance theme of the show. There is a pervasive sense of grace and acceptance that frees the Bronies to be themselves without fear of the stifling judgment or ridicule they might receive in other settings.

The first episodes of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic describes the elements of harmony attributed to each of the different pony characters: honesty, kindness, laughter, generosity, and loyalty. The last element held by Twilight Sparkle can only show up when the others are already present. The last element is magic.

Imagine the magic 10,000 honest, kind, generous, loyal, and laughing young adults can have. That’s BronyCon. It’s my new definition of normal in an abysmally abnormal world.

Watch this fun video celebrating Bronies from the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Hub and see if you might be a Brony.

Filed under: Why I Love Young Adults Tagged: BronyCon, Friendship, magic, My Little Pony, One Direction

This April Tim, Katya, and I spring-breaked on the gulf coast of Florida. One cloudy morning Tim and I hiked through a nature preserve behind my parent’s neighborhood and found a huge bald eagle nest.

“There were two eaglets in the nest,” an office worker told us, but when Tim and I reached the nest, only one juvenile remained. The other must’ve flown away and there was no sign of a parent around. The remaining juvenile stood on an adjacent branch and flapped his wings with the wind, trying to get the courage to take flight. He’d jump up with the breeze, but quickly landed back on the branch. Over and over.

Tim watched for a few minutes then looked for a shortcut back to the road so we wouldn’t get hammered by the ensuing storm.

I stood in the drizzle, watching, mesmerized, mentally cheering him on. After a while of watching him try and try, and then return to the nest in frustration,  I had a sore neck from looking up for so long. And my eyes welled up. Why am I crying over a bird trying to fly? Okay, it’s an eagle, and I love eagles, … but still? Tears?

I felt a nudge on my heart (it’s how the Spirit often speaks to me). This exhibition of the eagle juvenile trying to get it’s wings is exactly what I’d been witnessing at home. It’s why my life has been so crazy that I’ve put my writing career on hold. My eaglets are launching. Only a few short years ago our nest was full. We had six teenagers sleeping under our roof.

Billy was the first to fly. Never one for shunning a roller-coaster, he took off fast and furious. I have no recollection of helping him write a resume or giving him interview coaching. He did two internships during college and had a job waiting when he graduated. One week after graduating from Virginia Tech, he married the love of his life, Brynne, went on a week-long honeymoon, and when he returned, moved into the apartment she’d just begun renting for them. His career, his adult life, launched. I look at him now and wonder how my baby turned into such a mature young man.

After graduating high school Will took a gap year working at a camp in Pennsylvania to decide between three possible transitions to adulthood: college, apprentice school, or military. Afterward, he joined the Coast Guard. Tim took the lead on helping Will with this transition and he was off to boot camp, interrupted by a six-week appendix removal recovery at home. He graduated boot camp and was stationed on the Jersey Shore. We had two YAs off the car and medical insurance plans and our cellphone bill was now less than our mortgage. Both of the Williams are the oldest in their original family structure and possess the independent streak often seen with oldest children so it probably shouldn’t come as a surprise when they launched quickly and efficiently. Look at me go, Mom and Dad!

With two gone and only four to go, I expected to have all the time in the world to 1) promote HIGH locally, 2) finish DEEP, the sequel, and 3) continue with blog posts and so forth. I expected this because I believed the bulk of my YA parenting role would be 1)  keep the refrigerator and pantry stocked (always a challenge), 2) provide occasional advice on dating, friends, and so forth (solicitation is nice, but not necessary), and 3) make sure the kiddos were safe and accounted for most of the time (they stay up later than us, so well, you do the best you can). There’s only one thing I can say about these expectations:

HAH!!!

In addition to the three items I expected to be doing, this is a partial list of what I’ve actually been doing:

Praying

Driving to several appointments each week (one Young Adult lost driving privileges for several months–see post, I LOVE YA WHEN YOU BREAK MY HEART)

Studying US Government to help daughter #1 graduate. Why do I need to know this stuff? she asks. Because it’ll be on the exam, I say, but I’m really thinking, because this is what all Americans should know.

Praying, and bless the Lord and Mr. Ambler, she passes!

Studying US Government to help daughter #2 graduate.

Praying! She actually gets a perfect score on the final! Thank you Lord!

Planning and implementing two graduation open houses. I want mine early so it won’t be around everyone elses, the Young Adult who finished high school in January tells me.

Watching as two Young Adults graduate from high school and one YA gets his college diploma.

Praying.

Composing and implement YA contracts* that, while not necessarily received with gusto, are necessary to set expectations during transition.

Encouraging one YA to move out. We’ll pay for your phone bill and car insurance for six months if you’re living elsewhere, but you’ll pay rent and all these other things living here. Thank you, John Rosemond (author of Teen Proofing)!

Praying said Young Adult doesn’t contract some horrible disease from the filth of the house he’s moved to.

Job search coaching to all YAs with daily expectations.

Teaching resume composition to all four YAs.

Job interview coaching for all four Young Adults (they all got the jobs they wanted, yahoo!) and now all know what the acronym STAR means. Or should.

More job coaching when one of the four  wants a new job.

Teaching the thrill of household finances. How can I afford to live on my own? says the Philosophy major after crunching the numbers with his entry level retail sales salary.

Facilitating car search, purchase, insurance procurement, and DMV registration for one YA. I didn’t know it would cost this much just to own a car! she says.

Tutoring one Young Adult on writing so she’ll be able to write a coherent essay in college.

Hosting girlfriends, friends, and fiancees.  Mom, can (fill in blank with girlfriend or friend from college) stay over this weekend? This is actually great fun and we love having a house full of YAs so we always say YES.

Driving one Young Adult to the ER first thing one Monday morning. Pray he doesn’t need surgery. Visit for hours in hospital every day for that week. Pray the test he needs won’t say he needs surgery. Nurse him at home for the next ten days even though he moved out a month ago. Pray he’ll take this condition seriously and eat right so he won’t need surgery. Though he sleeps a couple of miles away, we feed him lunch and dinner for ??? I don’t know how long, we’re still feeding him (but know he’ll be moving away soon so I just want to enjoy him while he’s here).

Taking cars to the shop and picking up cars from the shop. Pray they’ll last until we can afford new ones.

Driving the Young Adult without car to work or arranging for rides for her.

Praying. Thank you Lord. We are so blessed.

I know I’ve only got the YAs home for a short time. Soon they’ll all set up their own nests. The writing and promoting can wait.

I want to love my YAs.

 

* If you want to know more about our Young Adult contracts, ask me in the comment section.

Filed under: Why I Love Young Adults Tagged: eagles, John Rosemond, launching, Young adults