Kevin Lintner's Blog

The Exorcist Sex Club by Kelly M. Hudson

My rating: 2 of 5 stars


I'm sorry to say that I couldn't get into this story. Yes, there's lots of gore and lots of sex, but it's not interesting in any way, The story revolves around an underground sex club where clergy from all denominations and genders visit to have sex with humans of any age who have become possessed by demonic forces. It's a very original idea that falls far short of the mark due to the forced, repetitive narrative. It could have been so much better.



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Like Jagged Teeth by Betty Rocksteady

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


"Like Jagged Teeth" is unlike anything I have ever ready before. One one hand it is a stark and terrifying tale of a young woman trapped in an ever changing apartment with a grotesque and violent version of her beloved grandfather. on the other hand, it is a tale of redemption, deliverance from guilt, and the peace that comes from forgiving yourself,

Poppa's apartment is more than just a setting for the book's characters, it is, in its own way, a character in the story. It is a living, breathing thing of horror. The number of doors in the hallway change at random. The nightmares that live behind the doors change as well. The carpets, the walls, the furnishings all take on a hideous life of their own. Poppa's apartment is an abattoir, a slaughterhouse filled with horrific creatures like spiders who dine on gigantic maggots and shadows that seem to have a life of their own.

i read this entire novella in three hours. i was sucked into the story line and willingly held hostage all the way to the end. This is an amazing read.



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Spider Bunny by Carlton Mellick III

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


On the surface, Spider Bunny is an amazingly well told horror novel about four friends trapped inside an 80's children's cereal commercial. In the macabre world, you have two choices. One. you eat Bunny Berry's cereal and earn a permanent seat at the kitchen table, trapped forever as a horrid 3D Claymation effigy of your human self. Two, Berry Bunny catches you and you become the cereal in the bowl the kids at the table beg to eat. There is a third choice, kill Berry Bunny, but you don't wait to do that, you really don't.
There's a whole lot more going on in this book than just a great, scary read. It also works as a cautionary tale for using television as an electronic babysitter. It works as a send up of rabid consumerism where all that matters is what you want, not what you have.
What really works for me, what hit me the hardest, is how the story is a metaphor for toxic relationships. The main protagonist, Pete, is so in love with his girlfriend he allows her to use him in so many horrible ways that it breaks him down and the real him is consumed by his partner that there is no trace of his former self.
Spider Bunny provides plenty of proof that Mellick III is still at the top of his game and shows no signs of letting up any time soon.



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Party! Patio! by Andy Boring

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


Party! Patio! is the sequel to Dick Swap, a short story about two friends who trade penises. At the end of Dick Swap, Keith was still missing his penis and Kevin went back to his luxurious penthouse in New York. In Party! Patio!, Keith shows up at Kevin's luxurious penthouse still missing his member and hungry for Applebees. Things are amiss in Kevin's penthouse, his wife in on the kitchen floor and doesn't move. Keith is fairly certain she is dead, but Kevin will not hear of it. Keith eventually finds his penis, but I won't tell you where and Kevin turns into a mean, unsanitary person who abuses Keith every chance he gets. Party! Patio! is at times hysterically funny, disgusting, and sad. It's the literary equivalent of a Wesley Willis song.



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Dick Swap by Andy Boring

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


"Dick Swap" is a tender and moving tale of two friends, Keith and Kevin whose friendship is so strong they are willing to share their most intimate possessions to help each other out. By intimate possessions, I mean penises. Yes, penises. Keith and Kevin have detachable organs that they swap from time to time. Kevin's girlfriend, Joan, is 25 years older than him and has had 3 children and a lot of sex. Kevin's manhood is not large enough to satisfy Joan so Keith lets Kevin borrow his member because he is a good friend and frequently needs a ride because he's poor and can't afford a car. One morning, after a night of extreme rabble-rousing, Kevin wakes up to find Keith's penis has been stolen. The two friends set off on a cross-country adventure to find the missing member where they spend a tremendous amount of time getting drunk and assaulting each other.

"Dick Swap" is crazy. It is weird. It is one of the funniest short stories I have read in ages. It's also free.



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The Complex by Brian Keene

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


"The Complex" is easily one of the scariest and most fun horror novels that I have read in quite some time. Brian Keene does a fantastic job of creating believable characters that are so well written, you feel as if you are getting to know them as the story progresses. Some of the characters has appeared in other works, mainly the serial killer turned hero called "The Exit." Sam, a suicidal author who finds a reason to live has also appeared in another story. Keene has never been afraid of using graphic violence in his works, but he doesn't use violence as filler to compensate for a weak plot. All of the violence here propels the story forward while making the surreal scene of blood-thirsty naked attackers as terrifying as it would be in real life. The only reason I didn't give this 5 stars was I did see the ending coming. I spent a good part of the book thinking, "why aren't they doing this thing that I can't mention because it would make me a horrible person who spoils books for people." Then when the characters finally do this thing, I started thinking, "that's probably a really stupid thing to do, why would they do that, this isn't going to end well."
Of course, I don't go into a Brian Keene novel expecting everything to be rainbows and fluffy puppies. In fact, if there were fluffy puppies, I would expect them to get eaten. As for the ending of "The Complex" it is rather ambiguous, but that's not a problem either. I wouldn't mind visiting with the characters again in other stories, especially The Exit, Stephanie (a trans-gendered woman), and Caleb ( a young boy who adjusted to his horrific surroundings so quickly he started to give me the creeps.) Even though it does falter slightly near the end, "The Complex" is still worth the read and should haunt your dreams for some time to come.



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Alice in Wonderlust by Berti Walker

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A fun and very sexy retelling of the Alice in Wonderland story that is full of all kinds of awesome sexual perversions. Alice is a virgin who promised to save herself for marriage, but that doesn't mean she can't have some fun with her Hitachi like sex toy named Dinah. One day, Alice is stolen by a white rabbit wearing human clothes and poor Alice gives chase down a rabbit hole and into a world of erotic delights. This book is definitely only for an 18+ audience. Buy yourself a handful and make a Jehovah's Witness take one in exchange for a Watchtower Magazine.



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A BigBoobenstein Family Christmas by Jeff O'Brien

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


What kind of world do we live in when a happy family of reanimated corpses can't enjoy a blasphemous reenactment of the birth of Jesus without it being interrupted by Krampus? "A Big Boobenstein Family Christmas" is a fun short story from Jeff O'Brien. There's plenty of fun scenes that bring shocked laughter especially the aforementioned Christmas play as well as Krampus and his detachable male reproductive organ. O'Brien never disappoints.



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Sick Pack by M.P. Johnson

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Sick Pack was unlike any other Bizarro novel that I have read. I think what set it apart was how it is easily the closest thing to pure Bizarro I've had the pleasure to read. It has abs that are so perfectly formed they have developed the power of hypnotism, underground cosmetic surgery that is performed in a garden shed, a giant mustache that is also a grimy black market body parts dealer, a hardcore band composed entirely of runaway appendages, and my personal favorite a ravenous stomach that likes to feast on faces. M.P. Johnson has penned a novel that is raunchy, funny, violent, and wildly imaginative. The violence to me was not over the top and necessary to the plot. There is an underlying theme that trying to hold on to someone or something that wants to be free is unfair to everyone, but most importantly, underneath all the mayhem, Johnson tells us that it's OK to be satisfied with who we are and that it's our imperfections that make us unique.



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