Heather Constantinescu's Blog

I've been reading The Strain by Chuck Hogan and it's pretty good. It's a sort of Aliens-Meets-Dracula tale. I was actually scared enough to stop reading it for a day or two, but now I am starting to think it's a little bit ridiculous. I mean, c'mon...an alien-like appendage growing out of someone's mouth? Vampires don't always have to follow the same old trope, by any means, but this book in particular takes all the romanticism, sexuality and symbolism and just kind of turns it into a sci-fi suspense thriller. Chuck Hogan is an excellent writer, but the limits of suspension of disbelief need to be acknowledged here. Just a tiny bit.

That being said, people can write whatever they damn well please, and if the masses love it, they love it. I'm sure Mr. Hogan doesn't mind having a million-dollar-deal with FX to make a series out of his creation.

And that leads me, inevitably, back to my own writing. All the false-starts, the arguing with people at AW...

me: I want to write about time travel
them: but it has to be BELIEVABLE
me: I want to write about a chimera, a person with two people living inside him (not a multiple personality)
them: but you might offend someone.
me: but this is fantasy
them: but you can't do that. it's not medically accurate

...and so on.

So, the suspension of disbelief is a real thing. And of course all readers suspend disbelief, at some point. I wouldn't have finished The Shining, or A Wild Sheep Chase, or a lot of fantasy books if I had felt the tiniest bit betrayed, at the first mention of something fantastical and untrue.

The story just has to make the READER believe it. It doesn't have to actually be TRUE or ACCURATE or anything. That is the art of the process. Making the reader forget he/she is in a story. I would say that with The Strain, it definitely DID make me forget I was reading something untrue, for a little while. But the introduction of an evil being who is infecting people and turning them into aliens...I dunno. Just a little bit too much in the recipe mix. Something. "It's a vampire-no, a virus- no, an ALIEN!..." Ugh.

I realized, I have gotten so stymied in my own writing of the Chimera tale because I can't decide on a lot of things:
1. Is this a chimera or is it a multiple personality? Because there are elements of both in it. I've borrowed heavily from multiple personality stories as a way of understanding my villain...
2. Is this a fantasy or is it something that could really happen?
3. Was this 'chimera' a part of the protagonist from his conception, or was he CREATED by an inciting incident, namely the abuse he suffered at the hands of his drunken father?
4. Is the chimera's dark personality evil, or is the protagonist/antagonist just a misunderstood victim?
5. What is the conclusion of the book? Will the chimera be destroyed, restrained, or 'cured'?
6. Does the 'weaker' personality know about the 'evil' personality, or is he unaware of what is really going on?
7. Is the chimera's daughter a good character or a bad character?

I think I really don't know how to answer some of these questions. So it's clear, finally, why I can't ever finish writing this. I don't know where I'm going. That's why.

Heather

Typed about 500 words last night, then hit the back button by accident, and lost all my work. Oh well - the point of the scene I was writing was to convey the stranglehold one character's wealthy but remote father had over her life. None of the things I was writing transmitted that idea. So I really needed to rewrite it. But it was galling to lose all that work, anyway. I really need to have a good idea, when I start, of how I'm going to have my characters behave, rather than having them carry out a bland conversation with no conflict. Does the wealthy father love his daughter, or not? What are his flaws? I have no idea, I realize, and this prevents me from writing in a way that will cause the reader to like or dislike him.

I feel so inspired to write after reading Maeve Binchy's works like Light a Penny Candle, Circle of Friends and Echoes. I don't feel like I imitate her. I just get into the rhythm of writing somehow. I don't like all of her stuff, though. Some of it seems like it might've been rescued from the 'discarded works pile' and published, just because it was something she had attempted earlier and now it was seen as a potential money maker with her name/brand on it. Especially her short story compilations have been disappointing to me. I might re-read the Glass Lake next.

Some of my old habits as a writer are coming back - the things that drove me away in the first place. The desire to critique and be critiqued; the suspicious attitude I have towards authors engaged in review wars with each other, the avoidance of certain topics such as online bullying by author forums I used to respect. Most of all, my habit of reading what other authors are doing, but not doing any of those things myself. Laziness, and pretending to be a writer when I am really living vicariously through others. THIS MUST STOP.

I don't want to get discouraged again. I'm trying to develop new habits: completing my work before asking for criticism, so that at least I get it finished, for once. Not reading so much into the dark underbelly of the writing world. Trusting others more to be honest with their true opinions on scandals such as the buying-fake-reviews debacle.

I found a picture of a person that I think would work great as Jerry Hotchkiss today, online. It is of a guy with numerous tattoos and no shirt on. He has this twinkle in his eye, and appears to be quite evil. I really like this pic, so I downloaded it, but I don't want my children to see it pop up on our computers so I stored it at Google Drive. Hope nobody discovers it and thinks this is actually someone that I know personally.

I am trying to think of what my character, wayward poor-little-rich-girl, Tomasina Kelly, should do next. I think she will hire a private detective to follow Jerry Hotchkiss to Florida.

ok off to make lunch,

Heather

This is my new blog, Feel Free to Ignore. I would rather you did not notice my writing here. I don't want to appeal to anyone, please anyone, or gain publicity in any way, shape or form.

I did some writing tonight online. I won't say where. I am just glad I did. Maybe someday, somehow, I can get this novel out of my head - this saga about one man who struggles with a dual personality, and another who is tortured by the unwavering belief that he has died. I think I've finished this novel twice now, but it still calls to me, still asks me to add to it, and I can't help but comply.

Somehow when I use Scrivener, I feel obligated to plan the novel out, chapter by chapter, and then the future chapters never come to fruition. I think I've made about 4-5 different files in Scrivener about the same novel.

I wish I could write something else.

Tonight I was thinking that there had to be a thread between the two men suffering from mental illness. And I realized that it could be either 1) the Walking Corpse Syndrome character could be the one who discovers/realizes the existence of the 2nd personality of the other man, or 2) the Walking Corpse Syndrome character could be the one who convinces the other man that he is, in fact, ill and needs help. Not really sure which direction I should go in. On one hand, it would be nice to have some mystery about the 2nd, hidden personality of the 'mad scientist' character. Or, I could have there be mystery only in the minds of the other characters. Hmm....

Anyway, I will see.

I realized at one point that I don't do well with criticism, though it has taught me much. I realized I didn't really trust all the critiquers at AW to have my best interests at heart. Some of them just seemed to want to ruin the confidence of others. I know I grew as a writer and reader after spending so much time there, but overall I felt like it led to me agonizing about things before they even got off the ground. Now that I have read more widely, I feel able to tell the difference between a well-written book by a skilled, dedicated author who lives and breathes to write, and then on the other hand, a book that was more or less produced to satisfy an undemanding reader (one who wants good grammar and error-free writing, and a recognizable plot/conflict, but not much more than that.)

But am I able to produce the former category of book? Not likely. But it's weird to know the difference.

There are still categories of books that are written by authors who are geniuses, most likely, that I still can't fathom (Proust, for instance, or David Mitchell, who wrote Cloud Atlas) but I feel like I have grown, anyway, over the last five years, and I don't want to lose what I've gained.

Hence the writing. But it remains to be seen whether I will ever deem my stuff good enough to self-publish. I think it's unlikely.

Heather C.