Melina Druga's Blog

In Rock Star Romance, we see Cassandra’s perspective on Nat meeting her parents for the first time, and not just her parents.  It’s the entire extended family gathered at Costas’ Place for Christmas.  In Holiday Homecoming, we see Nat’s perspective on the same event.  This begs the question:  Are there tips for meeting a date’s parents?

“For most couples, meeting the parents is the first serious step in a relationship,” How Stuff Works says.  “No longer are you casually dating ‒ you’re crossing the threshold into long-term expectations. And if you do hope to be with this girl for a long time, her parents will also be part of your life, whether you like it or not.”

The website goes on to point out that if your girlfriend’s family is culturally different and also traditional, it’ll be difficult for you to gain their approval.  Perhaps the article’s author met the Economos family.

Six months is the average length of time a couple dates before meeting each other’s parents, relationship therapist Jaime Bronstein tells Mind Body Green, although the timing varies from relationship to relationship.  You should do it when you feel ready and when you feel the relationship will be long-term.

How to PrepareGet to know your date’s family through him or her

Your partner should help you prepare by explaining his or her parents’ expectations.  You should also know a bit about their likes and dislikes, where they work, etc., from previous conversations with your partner.  This information will be helpful to find common ground and engage in conversation.  You should also know how to properly pronounce names.

At the same time, it’s not a job interview.  You don’t need to have prepared answers or know everything there is to know about your date’s parents’ lives.  At the same time, it’s good to know what you’re going to say when asked about things such as goals, your career, your past.

Dress respectfully, but still be yourself.

“Remember, you are trying to impress someone that is significantly older,” Healthy Framework says.  “That means they’re going to be less impressed by bling and style and more impressed by showing class and professionalism.”

The Main EventBe on your best behavior when meeting your partner’s parents

When you meet your date’s parents, be an authentic, yet well behaved, version of yourself.  Mind your manners, avoid swearing, don’t drink heavily, avoid jokes, and avoid public displays of affection.

Go with the flow as far as conversation goes and pay attention.

Finally, remember it’s normal to be nervous.  Your date’s parents are probably nervous.

“Meeting the parents of your loved one can be one of the most nerve-racking experiences of your lifetime,” Guy Counseling says.  “You’ve fallen in love with someone and you guys have decided to test out the waters with your parents, but there’s no getting around the awkwardness of this particular moment.”

And if Nat can ace his first meeting with Daria and Demitrios Economos, you can make your date’s parents like you.

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Do you have any tips for meeting a date’s parents?  Leave a comment below.  Comments close after 90 days.

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Here’s the 4-1-1

This blog is a companion piece to The Rock Star’s Wife, a series about sex, family, and rock & roll.  The series has elements of chick lit, romance and erotica and is best compared to The Vagina Monologues for its frank talk of sex and its consequences.  The series follows Cassandra from her teenage years into her 40s as she navigates relationships (both romantic and platonic) — all with music playing a prominent roll.

Holiday Homecoming debuts September 2025:  Jennifer’s father left her mother nearly a decade ago.  Now he wants back into his children’s lives.  Jennifer isn’t convinced her father’s motives are honest and questions his return.  Meanwhile, Cassandra introduces her rock star boyfriend, Nat, to the extended family.

Cassandra needs your help getting her story out.  Join the street team to help.

The post Tips For Meeting A Date’s Parents appeared first on The Rock Star's Wife.

Related posts:Why Do Men Abandon Their Families?The 4-1-1 on the Restaurant IndustryTen 90s Fashion Trends Mentioned in Sexual Awakening

In March 2020, Cassandra, the main character in The Rock Star’s Wife series, has the worst grocery shopping experience of her life.  Fellow shoppers are purchasing large quantities, shelves are picked over and, worse, there’s no toilet paper.  Chances are you experienced something similar during the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic.  Let’s look at what qualifies as panic buying and the psychology behind it.

Panic buying is defined as “the action of buying large quantities of a particular product or commodity due to sudden fears of a forthcoming shortage or price increase” and it happens with some regularity.  We see it in the U.S. South before a hurricane is forecasted to make landfall, and it’s happened during times of crisis such as the world wars and the Spanish flu pandemic of 1918.

It is very similar to hoarding insomuch as both are characterized by extreme saving, but there is one key difference.  Hoarding stems from general uncertainty while panic buying is a greater perceived scarcity.

The term, however, may not be completely accurate.  Researchers say true panic only happens in situations where death is imminent and that is it the timing of calculated purchases that makes them seem like panic.

“Those who delay purchasing cite conflicting information from forecasters and a lack of resources (they fear buying supplies that will be wasted if a storm does not occur) as reasons for waiting until the last minute,” a researcher from University of Illinois wrote in a 2010 study.

Why Stockpile Supplies?People stockpile items for a variety of reasons

“Searching for food and other essential resources and storing them for the future is a behavior that is common across the animal kingdom,” Forbes says.  “Even human beings have spent most of their evolutionary history in foraging economies.”

So panic buying may be genetic.  What are some other reasons why people stockpile supplies?

Rumors and misinformation can cause people to believe a situation is worse than it is.  People also might buy things “just in case” even if they know logically they do not need those things. It’s a type of herd mentality where an individual interprets how dangerous a situation is based on how others react.

People often experience fear before an event, and shopping makes them feel as if they can do something that will change the outcome of the event.

A pandemic causes a large amount of uncertainty.  People have difficulty accepting there could be a negative outcome.  People with anxiety disorders tend to worry about minor things. They are easily frightened by uncertainty.

Yes, But Why Toilet Paper?Toilet paper hoarding happened worldwide

In Japan, misinformation about a paper shortage in China caused people to purchase large quantities toilet paper.  This occurred despite the fact that most of the toilet paper sold in Japan is produced there, and the government was forced to confirm there was sufficient inventory.

Peter Noel Murray, an American Psychological Association and the Society for Consumer Psychology member, told CNBC that the reason could be self-affirmation, the recognition and assertion of the existence and value of one’s individual self, as well as a mental connection between the COVID-19 pandemic and the Spanish flu pandemic of 1918.

People know they will one day be dead, Murray said, and the mind deals with it by seeking something it can control.

“There’s an over-representation of fear and people’s minds need to respond to those kinds of feelings,” Murray said. “The need for self-affirmation is triggered, and that drives us to do unreasonable things like buying a year’s worth of toilet paper. It overwhelms the knowledge that we don’t need to be doing that.”

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Did you experience panic buying during the pandemic?  Leave a comment below.  Comments close after 90 days.

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Here’s the 4-1-1

This blog is a companion piece to The Rock Star’s Wife, a series about sex, family, and rock & roll.  The series has elements of chick lit, romance and erotica and is best compared to The Vagina Monologues for its frank talk of sex and its consequences.  The series follows Cassandra from her teenage years into her 40s as she navigates relationships (both romantic and platonic) — all with music playing a prominent roll.

Book seven, The Pandemic Diaries, debuts February 2026:  Cassandra finally has Nat home full time like a normal spouse.  Unfortunately, it’s because the COVID-19 pandemic has forced the cancellations of concerts and put the music industry on hold.  Meanwhile, she discovers that when people are hoarding toilet paper, they aren’t buying erotica books.  How will the family survive the shutdown?  And more importantly, how will they survive each other?

Cassandra needs your help getting her story out.  Join the street team to help.

The post What is Panic Buying and Why Do We Do It? appeared first on The Rock Star's Wife.

Related posts:The Impact of COVID-19 on the Music IndustryThe Impact of the COVID-19 Pandemic on the Restaurant IndustryAmerican Sex Lives

In The Rock Star’s Wife series, nearly all of Cassandra’s family depends on the family’s restaurant, Costas’ Place, for its support.  When the COVID-19 pandemic hit, however, the restaurant, like others nationwide, was forced to temporarily close.  What damage does an event like this cause?  What was the true impact of the COVID-19 pandemic and the restaurant industry?

In first 22 days of March 2020, the restaurant industry lost $25 billion in sales and more than 3 million jobs.

By May 5, 22 percent of restaurants permanently closed, and 29 percent of the remaining restaurants had laid off more than 75 percent of its staff.  An additional 63 percent had laid off some of their employees.

By June 5, 43 states were allowing, or would soon allow, restaurants to reopen for dine-in service. State implemented strictly reopening guidelines.  These included hygienic requirements for employees, dining room capacities between 25 to 50 percent, and social distancing.

Once restaurants reopened, they faced the challenge of proving they were a safe environment to be in.  As many as 80 percent of people did not go to a sit-down restaurant after restaurants reopened.

Rebounded in 2021?By May 5, 2020, 22 percent of restaurants permanently closed

In September 2021, the National Restaurant Association Research Group conducted a survey.  The results showed that although restaurants’ business was drastically improved from the year before, it hadn’t improved for everyone.  Only 56 percent of restaurants’ sales volume in August 2021 was higher than the year prior.  When compared to 2019, only 24 percent of restaurants had higher sales.

Even as late as August 2021, 49 percent of limited-service operators and 40 percent of full-service operators were not open at full capacity for indoor dining. The overwhelming reason was a lack of adequate staffing.

In addition, restaurants were experiencing supply delays or shortages while the cost of doing business had increased.  Food, labor and occupancy costs were all higher than they were prior to COVID-19.  For 85 percent of operators, profit margins were lower than pre-pandemic levels.

Most restaurant operators didn’t expect the situation to improve anytime soon.

Long-term Changes to the Restaurant IndustryDrive-through business increased 13 percent

Now, nearly four years after the March 2020 shutdowns, long-term changes have emerged.

Restaurants are closing or minimizing dining rooms.  Some establishments have transitioned to being quick-service restaurants.

“The restaurant industry has been bifurcated between two types of places: ones that cater to the ‘hangry,’ must-eat-now crowd and those who want to be nurtured and entertained,” The Washington Post said.

The first group makes use of drive-throughs.  Drive-through business increased 13 percent, and 39 percent drive-through lane traffic is bumper to bumper.

Meanwhile, carryout orders decreased 3 percent and delivery increased five percent.  Delivery comes with a downside. Delivery providers’ high fees eat into profits.

Since the pandemic, more restaurants are offering online ordering.  This option costs restaurants $30,000 to $50,000 to develop a basic on-demand food delivery app, something that’s cost prohibitive for many independent restaurants.

One final trend that appears to be here to stay:  scaled back menus offerings.

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Were you aware of the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic on the restaurant industry?  Leave a comment below.  Comments close after 90 days.

***

Here’s the 4-1-1

This blog is a companion piece to The Rock Star’s Wife, a series about sex, family, and rock & roll.  The series has elements of chick lit, romance and erotica and is best compared to The Vagina Monologues for its frank talk of sex and its consequences.  The series follows Cassandra from her teenage years into her 40s as she navigates relationships (both romantic and platonic) — all with music playing a prominent roll.

Book seven, The Pandemic Diaries, debuts February 2026:  Cassandra finally has Nat home full time like a normal spouse.  Unfortunately, it’s because the COVID-19 pandemic has forced the cancellations of concerts and put the music industry on hold.  Meanwhile, she discovers that when people are hoarding toilet paper, they aren’t buying erotica books.  How will the family survive the shutdown?  And more importantly, how will they survive each other?

Cassandra needs your help getting her story out.  Join the street team to help.

The post The Impact of the COVID-19 Pandemic on the Restaurant Industry appeared first on The Rock Star's Wife.

Related posts:The 4-1-1 on the Restaurant IndustryThe Impact of COVID-19 on the Music IndustryExploring Teenage Sexuality

Jennifer Anderson Economos’ father abandoned her, her mother and her sisters when Jennifer was 14.  In Holiday Homecoming, Mr. Anderson hopes to make amends with the family he abandoned.  Should Jennifer, her sisters and mother believe him?  They have years of family history telling them not to.  Let’s look at why men abandon their families.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, approximately 7 million men are classified as absent fathers, wanting little or nothing to do with parenting, although 42 percent do see their children at least once a month.

Reasons WhyA hostile relationship with a partner is one reason men abandon their families

“A myriad of factors, both internal and external, can contribute to abandonment by men in family relationships, making it essential to address these issues and seek solutions to strengthen family bonds and support healthier relationships,” Men’s Central blog says.

The blog lists 20 reasons men leave:

Financial stress from things like debt, unemployment or unstable incomeHostile relationship with partnerUndiagnosed or untreated mental health issuesSubstance abuseTrauma, grief, or other stressors that cause a man to withdraw emotionallyFear of commitment or not desiring commitmentInfidelityBending to the influence of friends or peersCultural or societal pressure clash with personal values or desiresGrowing up without positive family role modelsRelentless pursuit of career successIncarceration or ongoing legal battlesEmotional immaturityWaning interest in relationshipsContentious divorce or separationSeeking independence, adventure, or personal growthInability to manage family responsibilitiesMidlife crisisIncompatibility with partnerRelocating for career advancementDo They Regret It?Men sometimes regret leaving

Do men who leave their families regret it later as Mr. Anderson does?  It depends who you ask.

“Men who break their promises and betray their families usually have no room or time to think about regret,” Midlife Divorce Recovery, a program helping women struggling through divorce, says.  “Occasionally, they may have pangs of regret when milestones with the children are missed. Or when their family moves forward without them. But they seem to not allow themselves to go to that regret space very often. Instead, they blame us and our children for excluding them, and so regret doesn’t have a chance.”

Conversely, FatherResource, a website dedicated to helping father, says, “If men leave a relationship, they have some regret in most cases. Many difficult decisions that involve emotional attachment leave us with feelings of regret. For example, if men are emotionally invested in a relationship, they will likely regret leaving their families, if they choose to do so. This may not be right away but can happen over time.”

Should Jennifer, her sisters and mother forgive Mr. Anderson?  Looks like they’ll need to go with their guts on this one.

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Were you surprised why men abandon their families?  Leave a comment below.  Comments close after 90 days.

***

Here’s the 4-1-1

This blog is a companion piece to The Rock Star’s Wife, a series about sex, family, and rock & roll.  The series has elements of chick lit, romance and erotica and is best compared to The Vagina Monologues for its frank talk of sex and its consequences.  The series follows Cassandra from her teenage years into her 40s as she navigates relationships (both romantic and platonic) — all with music playing a prominent roll.

Holiday Homecoming debuts September 2025:  Jennifer’s father left her mother nearly a decade ago.  Now he wants back into his children’s lives.  Jennifer isn’t convinced her father’s motives are honest and questions his return.  Meanwhile, Cassandra introduces her rock star boyfriend, Nat, to the extended family.

Cassandra needs your help getting her story out.  Join the street team to help.

The post Why Do Men Abandon Their Families? appeared first on The Rock Star's Wife.

Related posts:Dealing as an Adult with Your Parents’ DivorceFamily Dysfunction: The Economos FamilyFamily Dynamics: Adult Daughters Have Strained Relationships with Their Parents

Sometimes there are downsides to being The Rock Star’s Wife, specifically when your husband’s livelihood is threatened by something you can’t see.  The COVID-19 pandemic led to the cancellation of dozens of music festivals and concerts, album release delays and financial heartache galore.  Let’s examine the impact of COVID-19 on the music industry.

The music industry was the second most impacted industry with the majority of musicians losing most, or all, of their income.  Musicians make 75 percent of their income from live shows.  The rest of their income comes from physical music sales, merchandize sales and streaming.

“The music industry is one that has many players involved, especially when it comes to factors like distribution,” radio station WQHS explains.  “Much of the money that artists make from album sales or music streams gets distributed to parties such as their music labels, songwriters, streaming services, and publishing companies. Because of this, many artists rely on touring and other live performances to earn the majority of their money.”

Concerts and Music FestivalsThe live-events industry lost more than $30 billion in revenue

In 2020 alone, the live-events industry lost more than $30 billion in revenue, according to concert trade publication Pollstar.  Losses included not just tickets and merch sales, but local economic activity connected to live events such as restaurants and hotels.

In March 2020, Bustle published an article examining the impact of the industry closures on smaller acts:

Marisa Dabice, vocalist and guitarist of the punk rock band Mannequin Pussy, estimated she had lost around $80,000 after her band canceled the end of its tour.Vistas, a Scottish band that was booked to play South by Southwest, lost nearly $7,000.The band Torres was in Germany when President Donald Trump suspended travel from Europe to the United States and was forced to use crowdfunding to raise the $10,000 to $20,000 per plane ticket to get home.

These are only three of countless examples.

“As some cities impose capacity bans and others close down nonessential businesses like nightclubs altogether to prevent the virus’ spread, musicians are not only losing out on money for gigs, but also on opportunities for exposure,” Bustle says. “In the increasingly crowded musical landscape, timing is essential to a musician’s success — it’s easy to lose momentum and get lost in the shuffle if you’re not constantly touring and promoting your work.”

Other Impacts of the PandemicEveryone in the music industry was impacted by COVID-19

The industry shutdown affected not only musicians, but the people who work for the venues, promoters, artists’ road crews and others.

The mental toll of isolation from the community and worrying about money affected everyone in the industry.

“For many artists, performing live isn’t just a necessary creative outlet, but a vital part of their artistic identity,” Our Culture says.

Many in the music industry survive pay check to pay check.  Prior to the pandemic, only 17 percent of musicians were able to pay their bills every month, according to Our Culture.

In addition, it wasn’t only live music that was affected, music streaming declined as high as 9 percent in some markets.  Why did streaming drop in 2020?  Shouldn’t it have increased since people were staying at home?  You would think so, but people also were watching their spending and streaming services became a luxury for some.

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Were you surprised by the impact of COVID-19 on the music industry?  Leave a comment below.  Comments close after 90 days.

***

Here’s the 4-1-1

This blog is a companion piece to The Rock Star’s Wife, a series about sex, family, and rock & roll.  The series has elements of chick lit, romance and erotica and is best compared to The Vagina Monologues for its frank talk of sex and its consequences.  The series follows Cassandra from her teenage years into her 40s as she navigates relationships (both romantic and platonic) — all with music playing a prominent roll.

Book seven, The Pandemic Diaries, debuts February 2026:  Cassandra finally has Nat home full time like a normal spouse.  Unfortunately, it’s because the COVID-19 pandemic has forced the cancellations of concerts and put the music industry on hold.  Meanwhile, she discovers that when people are hoarding toilet paper, they aren’t buying erotica books.  How will the family survive the shutdown?  And more importantly, how will they survive each other?

Cassandra needs your help getting her story out.  Join the street team to help.

The post The Impact of COVID-19 on the Music Industry appeared first on The Rock Star's Wife.

Related posts:How The Music Industry Works: The Working Life of Real Rock Stars50 Top Rock Albums of the 1990sGrowing up Working Class in Sexual Awakening

Spoilers Ahead!  It’s never easy when your parents divorce.  It doesn’t matter if you’re a child, a young adult or a parent yourself.  It still hurts.  This is the situation the Economos children find themselves in Family Upheaval and The Christmas Gift, part of The Rock Star’s Wife series.

On the surface it might seem odd for senior citizens to divorce, but it’s becoming increasingly common.  It’s so common it even has a nickname – gray divorce.  According to the Census Bureau, the percentage of adults 55 to 64 years old who have ever divorced is around 43 percent.  Among those 65 to 74 years old, the rate is 39 percent, higher than the rest of the adult population, and those 75 or older, the rate is 24 percent.

Divorce among people 50 years or older has been increasing since the 1990s, especially among baby boomers.

The Gray DivorceDivorce among people 50 years or older has become common

Why do people who have been together for decades divorce?  Maximilian Fuentes Fuhrmann, a clinical psychologist who specializes in gerontology, there are several reasons:

Society’s expectations have changedPeople are living longer and they want to be happyOlder people have less patience for arguments and dramaCouples had children young and are now empty nestersCouples fall out of love, if they were ever in love to begin withCouples were pressured by their parents to marryLess women are financially dependent on a spouse

In addition, seniors divorce for the same reasons younger people do ‒ because of adultery or abuse, for example.

Divorcing after the age of 50 can have grave financial side effects.  Couples lose approximately 50 percent of their wealth.  Women’s living standards drop by 45 percent whereas men’s drop by 21 percent.

How Divorce Affects Adult ChildrenParents divorce affects children of all ages

No matter your age, when your parents divorce, it creates a maelstrom of emotions.  Even if they were unhappy, your parents being together is all you’ve ever known.

If the couple waits until they are empty nesters, children can feel guilty their parents stayed in a miserable marriage because of them.  They will look back at their childhood and adolescence and question whether their parents ever were happy.  Were happy moments a lie?

“Should one or both of your divorcing parents try to discuss the divorce with you with the intention of sharing their side of the story, or playing on your sympathy to align you with them, calmly tell them you don’t want to get involved,” Rosalind Sedacca, a certified divorce coach, says. “This is their drama, not yours. Suggest they see a therapist or divorce coach to help them make the best decisions.”

How to Cope When Your Parents Divorce

Here are coping strategies adults can implement if their parents split:

Acknowledge the divorce impacts youDon’t feel guilty about the emotions you’re experiencingTalk to a friend, family member or therapistTake care of your physical and mental healthSet boundaries and don’t ask for more information or get involved in the legal proceedingsDon’t assume things like holiday traditions will continue

And, don’t forget, healing will come.  Just give it time and count your blessings.

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Did your parents divorce?  Leave a comment below.  Comments close after 90 days.

***

Here’s the 4-1-1

This blog is a companion piece to The Rock Star’s Wife, a series about sex, family, and rock & roll.  The series has elements of chick lit, romance and erotica and is best compared to The Vagina Monologues for its frank talk of sex and its consequences.  The series follows Cassandra from her teenage years into her 40s as she navigates relationships (both romantic and platonic) — all with music playing a prominent roll.

Book six, Family Upheaval, debuts August 2025:  Shawna never knew her parents, but DNA testing frightened her.  Who knows what she might uncover?  So Cassandra volunteers to take a test, too.  Little does she know she’ll uncover a long kept-family secret.

Cassandra needs your help getting her story out.  Join the street team to help.

The post Dealing as an Adult with Your Parents’ Divorce appeared first on The Rock Star's Wife.

Related posts:Exploring Teenage SexualityGrowing up Working Class in Sexual AwakeningAmerican Sex Lives

For Cassandra, the main character in The Rock Star’s Wife series, a dysfunctional family is the norm.  This comes into sharp focus in Sexual Awakening and Family Upheaval.  Let’s examine family dysfunction.

Psych Central defines a functional family as one in which family members enjoy spending time together, mutually respect each other, engage in healthy conflict and embrace each other’s differences.  These families have rules that are flexible and can change as family members grow and change.

Dysfunctional families, conversely, can exhibit a number of negative traits such as violence in the household, parents who are absent, and no love and affection.  Dysfunctional families also can come in the form of authoritarian parents who do not respect their children’s right to privacy, have unrealistic expectations or don’t allow children to express themselves.

Types of Dysfunctional FamiliesDysfunctional families can include physical, sexual or psychological abuse

As you can see from the definition, not all dysfunctional families are dysfunctional in the same way.  There are five types of dysfunctional families.

Conflict-Driven: This family is defined by conflict because of its inability to communicate effectively.  The family will argue, feud, pick fights, purposefully annoy each other to cause conflict.Emotionally Detached: This family either lacks physical affection or is emotionally unavailable. Children learn to repress their feelings.Authoritarian: In this family, parents are dictators and children cannot make their own decisions.Violent: This family experiences physical, verbal, sexual, or psychological abuse.Substance Abuse: This family includes members who are addicted to drugs or alcohol.

Do you see the Economos family in any of these types?  I see them in the first three.

Characteristics of Dysfunctional Families

Just as there are different types of dysfunctional families, there many characteristics that define them.  Here are a few:

Poor communicationHaving little privacyControlling behaviorWants and needs are disrespected or overlookedFear – whether fear of abuse or to be emotionally vulnerableExcessive criticismPressure to make choices you don’t want to makePressure to be perfectLack of empathyConditional love

Marriage.com offers the following tips for anyone who grew up with family dysfunction.

Identify and acknowledge the dysfunction’s affect on youSet boundaries with family membersSeek professional helpRoles in Dysfunctional FamiliesIn dysfunctional families, members have roles

“We adopt certain personality characteristics based on our position, or the ‘role’ we have within the family unit,” Psychology Today says. “If our family was dysfunctional, our role morphs out of the unhealthy patterns and exists to maintain the ongoing dysfunction.”

Here are the common roles in a dysfunctional family:

Golden child: Can do no wrongHero: His or her achievements and successes cast the family in a positive lightMascot: Diffuses conflict using deflection and humorIdentified parent: The person most often identified as being the source of the family’s problemsScapegoat/Black sheep: The one who broke away and often is the most honest member of the familyLost child: Tries to go unnoticed to avoid conflict or attentionEnabler/Caregiver: Works to keep up the family’s appearancesParentified child: Takes on the role of spouse in a parent’s absence

Again, see any members of the Economos family here?

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Did family dysfunction define your childhood?  Leave a comment below.  Comments close after 90 days.

***

Here’s the 4-1-1

This blog is a companion piece to The Rock Star’s Wife, a series about sex, family, and rock & roll.  The series has elements of chick lit, romance and erotica and is best compared to The Vagina Monologues for its frank talk of sex and its consequences.  The series follows Cassandra from her teenage years into her 40s as she navigates relationships (both romantic and platonic) — all with music playing a prominent roll.

Book six, Family Upheaval, debuts August 2025:  Shawna never knew her parents, but DNA testing frightened her.  Who knows what she might uncover?  So Cassandra volunteers to take a test, too.  Little does she know she’ll uncover a long kept-family secret.

Cassandra needs your help getting her story out.  Join the street team to help.

The post Family Dysfunction: The Economos Family appeared first on The Rock Star's Wife.

Related posts:How Forced Separation Affects MarriagesFamily Dynamics: Adult Daughters Have Strained Relationships with Their ParentsThe Complication of Learning You Have Half Siblings

You share 25 percent of your DNA with half siblings

Spoilers ahead!  Imagine you get the shock of your life.  You take an ancestry DNA test to discover some distant relatives.  Your results come back, and you discover not distant relatives but very close ones – half siblings.  What do you do?  This is the very situation Cassandra, the main character in The Rock Star’s Wife series, finds herself in Family Upheaval.

Thanks to modern technology, her situation is not unique.  Sometimes it’s because a person was given away for adoption.

“When it comes to reunions of birth families, they are often not like the movies,” Melissa Guida-Richards, a guest writer for Huffington Post, says.  “There’s heartbreak, anger, numbness and general confusion. People often expect an instant connection with their biological relatives because they share blood, but that can take some time or often never fully develops.”

Guida-Richards learned as an adult she was adopted.  A few years later, she discovered she had two half siblings.  One wanted to get to know her.  The other did not.

Sometimes people learn they have half sibling accidently.

A woman posted on Glow’s message boards seeking advice on what to do about a woman who contacted her claiming to be her half sister.

“I don’t know what to do with this information,” the poster said.  “I don’t want to approach this with my parents in the wrong way where it sounds like I’m judging them or hurt them in any way. But I also want to get the facts. I’m like 60/40 on believing this woman. It’s just the stuff she knew was sort of true.”

Commenters urged her to be honest with her father and ask.

It’s in the DNA

Familial relationships are complicated.  This is because, as the Census Bureau explains, “people define family relationships not just by technical terms, but also based on personal and shared histories.”  In other words the type and quality of the relationship defines what we call it.  Very close half siblings, for example, might consider themselves full siblings.

Full siblings share approximately 50 percent of their DNA. Half-siblings share approximately 25 percent.  So do double first cousins, grandparents and grandchild, and aunts/uncles and nieces/nephews.  First cousins share 12.5 percent of DNA.

What Do You Do?In some families, new discovered relatives are welcomed with open arms

What do you do when you have a surprise in your DNA test results?  According to a Pew Research Center survey conducted in 2019, 27 percent of people who took a 23andMe or AncestryDNA test discovered close relatives they didn’t know they had.

How a person reacts to the news is determined by a variety of factors:

People may reject their children or other family members if the discovery is accompanied by pain, shame, trauma, or cultural stigma or if it threatens relationships with other relatives.Results may shake a person’s self identity. This often happens when someone discovers their father or mother isn’t biologically theirs.People often decide whether to have a relationship with a newly discovered relative based on how others with whom they have relationships react.Finding new relatives often shakes long held beliefs people have about their parents.

It’s not uncommon for biological fathers to refuse contact with children they didn’t know they had.

“Even if the news a person receives via spit kit is at first unwelcome or upsetting, the process of managing that discovery and incorporating the news into a person’s life story means she is making meaning out of her own experience, and reclaiming her personal narrative,” Psychology Today says.

In many families, there is at least one person who is willing to reach out to the newly found relative, answer questions, provide a sense of connection, even love.

In other families, new discovered relatives are welcomed with open arms and integrated into the family.

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Do you have half siblings?  Leave a comment below.  Comments close after 90 days.

***

Here’s the 4-1-1

This blog is a companion piece to The Rock Star’s Wife, a series about sex, family, and rock & roll.  The series has elements of chick lit, romance and erotica and is best compared to The Vagina Monologues for its frank talk of sex and its consequences.  The series follows Cassandra from her teenage years into her 40s as she navigates relationships (both romantic and platonic) — all with music playing a prominent roll.

Book six, Family Upheaval, debuts August 2025:  Shawna never knew her parents, but DNA testing frightened her.  Who knows what she might uncover?  So Cassandra volunteers to take a test, too.  Little does she know she’ll uncover a long kept-family secret.

Cassandra needs your help getting her story out.  Join the street team to help.

The post The Complication of Learning You Have Half Siblings appeared first on The Rock Star's Wife.

Related posts:Exploring Teenage SexualityGrowing up Working Class in Sexual AwakeningThe Effects of Adultery on Families

Spoilers Ahead!  What harm can an ancestry test cause?  For most families, absolutely nothing.  For the Economos family, it turns their lives upside down.  That’s because sometimes DNA reveals a family secret, specifically adultery.  What are the effects of adultery on families?  The effects are numerous, and thanks to ancestry testing, unearthing family secrets has become increasingly common.

One Reddit user described his or her experience.  “The first thing my dad and I did was compare our ‘Ancestry Composition’ and I noticed it was a bit… off to say the least. He is highly British & Irish (most strongly connected to the UK) with a small bit of French & German. I am mostly Scandinavian (most strongly connected to Sweden) with over a quarter French & German and some Italian. I then went to DNA Relatives and… you guessed it. He didn’t pop up on mine and I didn’t pop up on his. There was a half sibling (sharing 26.3%) and father match however.”

There are countless stories like this one.

“Discoveries like this affect not only the person who took test, but also affects the entire family. Jenny’s four siblings had varying reactions and are themselves still processing what it all means,” genealogist Amy Johnson Crow says on her blog.

Not a Victimless CrimeAdultery affects the entire family

Many believe adultery only affects the adulterer and his or her partner.  In reality, it affects the entire extended family as well as friends, causing a loss of trust, lost of self esteem, anxiety, feelings of betrayal, self doubt and anger.

“Secrets, lies, and deceit become pervasive, hindering the ability to openly express emotions and concerns. Honest and transparent communication, which is vital for resolving conflicts and strengthening relationships, becomes elusive,” MyWellbeing says.  “The lack of communication further deepens the emotional chasm within the family, making it difficult to navigate the healing process.”

In addition, legal separations and divorces cause financial hardship.

How Adultery Effects Adult ChildrenAdult children still feel the lingering effects of a parent’s infidelity

Many think of adultery in terms of offspring who are still children.  However, adultery has lingering affects into adulthood.  Families may move on, but it never becomes easy to deal with a parent’s adultery.

Here are some traits adult children in this situation experience:

People must earn your trust, and even then it’s not complete trustYou’ve built metaphorical walls around yourselfRomantic partners must show how committed they are“I love you” is not enough on its ownYou don’t always admit your negative feelings to your partner

One step toward healing is for the adulterer to admit complete fault and acknowledge the harm caused to others.  This will allow the family to address the issue and move on.

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Have you experienced the effects of adultery on families?  Leave a comment below.  Comments close after 90 days.

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Here’s the 4-1-1

This blog is a companion piece to The Rock Star’s Wife, a series about sex, family, and rock & roll.  The series has elements of chick lit, romance and erotica and is best compared to The Vagina Monologues for its frank talk of sex and its consequences.  The series follows Cassandra from her teenage years into her 40s as she navigates relationships (both romantic and platonic) — all with music playing a prominent roll.

Book six, Family Upheaval, debuts August 2025:  Shawna never knew her parents, but DNA testing frightened her.  Who knows what she might uncover?  So Cassandra volunteers to take a test, too.  Little does she know she’ll uncover a long kept-family secret.

Cassandra needs your help getting her story out.  Join the street team to help.

The post The Effects of Adultery on Families appeared first on The Rock Star's Wife.

Related posts:How Forced Separation Affects MarriagesFamily Dynamics: Adult Daughters Have Strained Relationships with Their ParentsNatural Family Planning Methods

The tour manager for Dramatic Sneezer in The Rock Star’s Wife series is Terry Bergstrom, Nat and Nicole’s brother-in-law.  He held this position long before he became Nadine’s husband.  So what does a tour manager do, and why is his role vitally important to a band?

First off, what is a tour manager?  He or she handles all the organizational and administrative support for a concert tour.  But it’s much more complicated than that.

“At the most basic level, a tour manager is simply the person who handles or oversees almost every aspect of the lives and routines of musicians and bands while they are on tour,” Tour Collective explains.  “In other words, a tour manager ‘runs the show’ while the band is on the road.”

Generally, tour managers are independent contractors who work for different bands, sometimes annually, while others work with one band their entire careers.

Tour managers are paid weekly and make between $46,000 to $71,000 annually.  They also might be paid a per diem for incidental expenses and/or paid for expenses such as meals.

You may also hear tour managers called concert tour managers or road managers.

Tour Manager Responsibilities? Tour managers wear many hats

Tour managers wear many hats and must be patient, proactive, organized and detail oriented.

The following is a list of some of the duties they handle:

Make transportation and lodging arrangements.Develop an itinerary for the tour. This includes not just venues and hotels, but every stop no matter the reason.Create day sheets detailing each day’s schedule and distribute them.Ensure everyone makes it to the next stop safely and on time.Coordinate sound check and set times.Ensure equipment is loaded and unloaded on time.Coordinate with security, event staff, and others to ensure shows run safely and smoothly.Ensure such things as the band’s rider requests, dressing room setup and backstage catering needs are met.Manage the tour’s finances to keep them within the tour accountant’s budget.Ensure everyone is where they need to be and on time for media engagements.If a problem occurs, resolve the issue.

On larger tours, more than one person might shares these duties.

How Do You Become a Tour Manager?Some tour managers started as musicians

It’s important to know how the music industry works. Many start at the bottom, working for free for a friend’s band or they were musicians themselves.  Still others begin as booking agents, promoters, equipment techs, sound engineers, festival staff, and other live-music roles.

Since tour managers are independent contractors, they often learn of job opportunities through networking and word of mouth.

A few managers have a degree in hospitality, tourism or a related field, but a degree is not necessary as experience is learned on the job.

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Were you surprised what a tour manager does?  Leave a comment below.  Comments close after 90 days.

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Here’s the 4-1-1

This blog is a companion piece to The Rock Star’s Wife, a series about sex, family, and rock & roll.  The series has elements of chick lit, romance and erotica and is best compared to The Vagina Monologues for its frank talk of sex and its consequences.  The series follows Cassandra from her teenage years into her 40s as she navigates relationships (both romantic and platonic) — all with music playing a prominent roll.

Book five, Sex & Surprises, debuts February 2025:  Cassandra watches with apprehension as her eldest daughter, Megan, matures and becomes interested in boys.  Will Megan follow in mom’s sexual footsteps?  But it turns out, a teenage daughter is the least of Cassie’s concerns after she takes an ancestry DNA test and uncovers a family secret that turns her life upside down.

Cassandra needs your help getting her story out.  Join the street team to help.

The post What Does a Tour Manager Do? appeared first on The Rock Star's Wife.

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