James I. Bond's Blog
October 4, 2017
Are Men (and dads) really brain-damaged at birth?
When I explained this to the host of a radio show, she started laughing and blurted out, Hahaha. That explains a lot. I always knew men were brain-damaged!
So, are we guys really brain-damaged at birth? And if so, does that explain why we complicate relationships more often than may seem necessary?
Of course, the answer is yes. The technical explanation is that, something called the corpus callosum, which connects the left brain (speech and problem-solving) and the right brain (emotion), is melted away by testosterone, the hormone that overtakes little boys in the womb.
The reason for this chemical disconnecting of the two sides of the brain in males may be to help us kill wild beasts without getting overwhelmed by our emotions.
The problem today is, men will often have a hard time voicing their emotions in a relationship. Or voicing them inappropriately, often telling or silent to distract you from what they are really feeling.
Through the interviews for my book, The Secret Life of Fathers (2nd Edition), men admitted, for example, that it's really easy to hurt a guy's feelings. But have you ever heard your father, or any man for that matter, say, "You hurt my feelings?"
Probably not. It's not something most men are comfortable saying, especially in relationships. In fact, any emotion that signals "vulnerability" in men can be tremendously difficult for a guy to talk about.
So instead, men sit silent, or worse, they blurt out in an effort to distract from their true feelings, rather than simply let you know how they're really feeling.
Sadly, hurting a man's feelings can eventually lead to breakups of incredibly awesome relationships.
But it doesn't have to be this way. In my own life and relationships with my wife, and with my three daughters, opening up, although harsh and difficult at times, has ultimately given me an incredibly fulfilling life, much more than I ever thought possible.
Still, it has its bumps, especially with three very distinctly different daughters.
I'd love to hear your views on this. If you are a guy, which are the most difficult emotions to voice? Starting with getting your feelings hurt? Is this a struggle, to voice how you're feeling?
And for you girls, is understanding your guy's emotions and understanding what he's going through emotionally easy or hard?
And do you have tips on how we can have better relationships -- between men and women, and between fathers and daughters?
Your thoughts?
BTW - if you've read my book, The Secret Life of Fathers (2nd Edition), have the dads comments resonated or surprised you?
So, are we guys really brain-damaged at birth? And if so, does that explain why we complicate relationships more often than may seem necessary?
Of course, the answer is yes. The technical explanation is that, something called the corpus callosum, which connects the left brain (speech and problem-solving) and the right brain (emotion), is melted away by testosterone, the hormone that overtakes little boys in the womb.
The reason for this chemical disconnecting of the two sides of the brain in males may be to help us kill wild beasts without getting overwhelmed by our emotions.
The problem today is, men will often have a hard time voicing their emotions in a relationship. Or voicing them inappropriately, often telling or silent to distract you from what they are really feeling.
Through the interviews for my book, The Secret Life of Fathers (2nd Edition), men admitted, for example, that it's really easy to hurt a guy's feelings. But have you ever heard your father, or any man for that matter, say, "You hurt my feelings?"
Probably not. It's not something most men are comfortable saying, especially in relationships. In fact, any emotion that signals "vulnerability" in men can be tremendously difficult for a guy to talk about.
So instead, men sit silent, or worse, they blurt out in an effort to distract from their true feelings, rather than simply let you know how they're really feeling.
Sadly, hurting a man's feelings can eventually lead to breakups of incredibly awesome relationships.
But it doesn't have to be this way. In my own life and relationships with my wife, and with my three daughters, opening up, although harsh and difficult at times, has ultimately given me an incredibly fulfilling life, much more than I ever thought possible.
Still, it has its bumps, especially with three very distinctly different daughters.
I'd love to hear your views on this. If you are a guy, which are the most difficult emotions to voice? Starting with getting your feelings hurt? Is this a struggle, to voice how you're feeling?
And for you girls, is understanding your guy's emotions and understanding what he's going through emotionally easy or hard?
And do you have tips on how we can have better relationships -- between men and women, and between fathers and daughters?
Your thoughts?
BTW - if you've read my book, The Secret Life of Fathers (2nd Edition), have the dads comments resonated or surprised you?
