Anne Lawrence's Blog

So, I've had a tug for quite some time. It shouldn't really be such a big deal. I even question whether it merits being a 'thing' to blog about. Having said that, anything that creates as many triggers as I felt this week is probably an indication there's lots of stuff attached to this decision that needs exploring.

What decision you ask? To embrace my natural hair colour. I'm a natural dark brunette and I've only ever used a semi-permanent solution to cover up the grey. At 50, I have no idea if colouring my hair three or four times a year is considered often... or not. I haven't really talked to other women about their hair-colouring routine. I know I have quite a few silver highlights, but I can't be sure just how many. I guess I'll be finding out soon enough.

I've been here before though. I've vacillated over the last few years, but ultimately buckled under the pressure. What pressure? Not wanting to look old, of course. I've adopted this weird societal notion that colouring my hair will prevent the inevitable judgement that I'm not 20 or 30... or even 40. I mean, really, on what planet? There's this strange perception out there that grey hair automatically puts us in the unacceptable 'old' category. What's wrong with being older? I, for one, didn't care for my 20s or 30s. They weren't my best years and I wouldn't go back if you paid me.

But, I've also come to the conclusion that silver/grey/white hair is not what makes someone look old, but rather a combination of things like poor posture, poor diet, exhaustion, stress, anger, resentment, fear, feeling lost or stuck... and the worst culprit of them all: a cranky, negative attitude.

I don't judge whether a woman dyes her hair or not as good or bad. For me, it's about discovering who we are without hiding from ourselves... not playing small. When I think of the women I most admire, many of them have allowed time to embrace their wholeness. Strong women who know their mind, heart and soul. Kind women. Funny women. Wise women. Those are traits I aspire to.

At 50, I realize that I am the age I am. No amount of colour in my hair will change that. It feels like there's a revolution stirring inside of me. It's a rite of passage and it feels profound. I salute all women who are following their tug... and honouring wisdom over appearance, acceptance over judgement, love over fear.

The journey is never boring when you follow your own tug.

Well, it's been awhile since I've written here... although we all know I can be pretty chatty and long-winded, if I don't have anything interesting or relevant to share, I stay quiet. That's just my natural ebb and flow.

When I'm in 'writer mode' it's easy for me to get lost in wanting to share my every thought, but awhile ago I decided to never put myself in that obligatory box. Sometimes, I write. Sometimes I'm a life mentor and help women get through their 'stuck-ness'. Sometimes, I have the privilege to perform distance energy healing. Sometimes, I read voraciously, sopping all the knowledge I can to learn more, more, more. Sometimes, I'm in my garden sowing seeds and reaping the fruits of my labour (you should see my beautiful tomatoes!). Sometimes, I'm cleaning poop out of the chicken coop or repairing the dam in the river to keep the river water flowing in our aqueduct system... Mother Nature keeps us on our toes! And sometimes, I rest and don't do anything at all.

Lately, I've been called to dig deeper and connect to my natural intuitive abilities. When I mentor my clients, I use intuitive guidance in a big way (an inner wisdom bubbles up), but I've never really stepped into my power. I know I have this gift, I don't question it, but truthfully I've been standing on the sidelines waiting for Spirit to tap me on the shoulder and say "Go for it... yes, YOU!" And since that hasn't happened, I've taken things into my own hands and started playing with oracle cards and fine-tuning my pendulum skills. I'm tapping into my higher Self, which is a lot of fun. I admit I suffer from woo woo shame... I usually just whisper it softly to avoid making any ripples in calm waters. But my tug is my tug, and if I look back, my tug has rarely looked rational or even reasonable. It's only after the fact that I see how it all comes together and makes sense. I have no idea if this is just a fun diversion for me or if this is the trickle that carves a new path. But I'm willing to see where it leads.

Many people might see my life and business as a jumble of mismatched skills with little direction, but I prefer to see it more like a bouquet... each individual flower adding to the overall beauty of the whole. My soul's purpose is not about following a specific career path... it's about the qualities I bring to all the things I do. If I can manage to sprinkle love and understanding onto everything I do, then I'm half way there.

If you need help make sense of where your tug is leading you, check out my life mentoring packages here or my energy healing session here . And if you want to get a FREE oracle card reading (limited time only), contact me here .

I just finished reading "The Big Leap" by Gay Hendricks. He has lots of great insights on how to move ourselves closer to our Zone of Genius. This is the zone where we truly shine. We all have our own genius and we're happiest and feel most abundant when we dedicate as much of our time in that zone. It benefits us and those who surround us. Makes perfect sense.

Just as I was nearing the end of the book, my eyes land on this gem of a quote...

"I knew what I felt and felt what I knew."

Well, my insides were practically doing back flips because this is EXACTLY how one feels when they follow their tug.

The author tells a story about when he was 5 years old. I won't spoil it for you by divulging the details, but I will say that his absolute confidence of his inner knowing at that tender age is what resonates with me.

It's easy to think that kids couldn't possibly get all this metaphysical stuff. They don't have enough worldly experience to understand anything about life. And perhaps that's precisely the point. Maybe that's the exact reason they do.

I remember when I was a young child I had a vivid notion of my place in the world, how I fit in the universe... I felt an inner knowing and connectedness, but I didn't have the words to explain my feelings... still, it didn't make those feelings any less real.

Then I grew up and forgot all that wonder that was inside me. I grew up and became serious... doing serious things like living in a serious world, paying serious bills. The laughter waned. The feelings numbed. The voice became a faint whisper – almost inaudible. The lightness of being was exchanged for a certain heaviness. I moved further and further away from my spark and nearly lost it completely.

But it's that spark that ignites my soul. It was my genius... how could I abandon it? Man, I was a terrible steward!

I knew so much more when I was a young child.
The only way back is to look a little silly. To appear a little crazy even. Making decisions that seem beyond rational to onlookers. Build your intuition muscle one tug at a time.
Warning: it can be messy. Your path might look like a doodle pattern on an Etch-a-Sketch, with lines going in every direction.
                    Very much like this ----> But so what? Who cares? Your inner knowing, if you let it, can speak to you and guide you. Doesn't that seems so much more fun than feeling lost on someone's else path?

Do yourself a favour, get quiet and start listening to your own self knowing. Because you DO know. That's the prize!!

You know that cliché, "it's not the destination, it's the journey that counts"?

Well for me, it's quite literal. I need constant goal posts... doesn't matter if I get the goal in the net or not, but I have to have it in sight and once I feel satisfied that I gave it my best shot – whether I enjoyed the process or not – it's like (√) ... next!

I used to think there was something wrong with me... something unstable... maybe even inauthentic. I've come to realize it's just my flow... none of my paths have been the wrong ones... no matter how opposite they may have seemed to each other (believe me, I'm full of contradictions... I'm an earthy, long-haired hippie during one phase yet wearing 4-inch high heels with spiky "Annie Lennox" hair in another phase)... my only mistake has been not moving forward when I've started to feel that energy shift. I've been known to rationalize, to stick it out WAY past the expiry date until that inevitable 'stuck in the muck' feeling settles in. Because changing your mind just looks flaky and irresponsible, right? BUT, here's the thing, I get my creative energy by changing it up... by exploring and challenging my own perceptions. That's when I'm at my best.

The benefit of following my personal inner compass is that it's helped me stay open and not become (too) judgemental. We all have these preconceived notions of how easy or hard something is (take writing for instance... or, I don't know, running a B&B... or farming... or wielding some special powers in the corporate world... or walking across 3 Canadian provinces with a big Husky/Lab named Samson... or here's a good one – being a mother – yeah, well, all I can say is until you're doing it, you don't know. You just don't.
I've put myself in situations that have kicked my butt (to put it mildly). And I'm really glad for that outcome. I've learned. I've grown. How could I not?  I've also put myself in situations where it scared the crap out of me and I've discovered a new hidden talent (um, like cooking... who knew? And yes, it did scare the crap out of me)

Recently, I figured out what has kept me from hopping and skipping from one tug to another without guilt and fear. One of my triggers is hearing the question "but I thought you said you were going to do (insert brilliant idea, or not so brilliant idea)?" I don't fear my own perception of failure (it's not even a word in my vocabulary)... I fear someone else's sense of what failure looks like to them and attaching that judgement onto ME. How crazy is THAT! No really, CRAZY!!

And, while the different phases of my life, the motion, the freedom to switch it up is all very much in line with who I am at soul level, and I would be doing myself a great disservice to ignore it, for some people it's the complete opposite. They're always running away 'from' something rather than towards. For them, perhaps sinking into themselves and staying put to feel their tug makes more sense.

This is never about "do what I do". Ever. It is always about following your OWN tug. Always. How does following your tug look like to you? And how does it make you feel when you honour that tug of yours?

Look at that, it's February... the New Year came rushing in and we all had these super duper inspired ideas to make 2015 the best ever! Right?

How's it going so far?

The words I chose for myself to keep me on the straight an narrow in 2015 are Discipline, Practice and Lightness of Being. I can honestly say that I've managed to stay on track (the year is young!). Except for the blogging part, that is! (More about that in a bit).

So, I've been keen on listening to my biz coach, Demi Karpouzos... she's awesome! I'm thrilled about growing my mentoring business. The future looks bright with a free online interview project I'm creating (stay tuned for more info on that front). I've also been invited to be interviewed, which is just as exciting! Woot!

Also, by the time February is over, Kevin and I will have earned equal to our entire 2014 B&B season... yeah, we've been busy. HOPPING, actually. It's only our 3rd season, but something went BAM! All the work we've done, every step, even the steps that weren't so obvious... those steps that can easily slide under the radar... have brought us to this point of success. Of course, there's always room to grow and improve – we strive for that – but building a life or business comes with a positive attitude and some good old rolling-up-your-sleeves activation. You just gotta do it, y'know? Many people thought we were nuts... who the heck opens a B&B in the middle of 'nowhere' in a country where they don't speak the language, without any previous experience in the hospitality industry? Sure, there are obstacles... so solve them! Sure, it's not always easy... uh huh, and? Sure, you have to learn new things... so learn 'em. Following your tug doesn't mean it just all lands in your lap without effort. In fact, often it's the complete opposite... following your tug takes courage, takes fortitude, takes focus, takes a take-no-prisoners determination.... it's YOUR tug... who else is going to protect it and make it happen?

Running our B&B business is very gratifying... it allows me to provide a little piece of paradise to those seeking some much needed respite from their hectic lives. It feels great to live an authentic life and to share it with others. But it's a team effort... Kevin and I do that business together. Although the B&B business is completely separate from my mentoring business, they were born from the same desire... to help people... to bring them a little mind, heart, and soul sanctuary.

MY own individual tug is to help women who are on the cusp of change. They are being poked, prodded and tugged by their inner voice yet feel paralyzed to follow through because the unknown freaks them out... leaving them feeling perpetually stuck. I'm naturally good at guiding them through their muck. BUT (here's the kicker)... since taking the leap to turn this gift into a business, I've been censoring... afraid that my own brand of blog rambling isn't going to be embraced as 'professional'. My own self-imposed suppression, being careful not to offend, wanting to please everyone has created a 'meh' feeling. And it's completely my fault. I'm the Tug Whisperer for goodness sake... I believe in this stuff with all my heart and soul... yet I've stopped dead in my tracks for fear of what my clients might think!

How ridiculous is that? Playing small is just that... being less of who I am. And how is that serving anyone?
THE GLOVES ARE OFF!
If I'm going to play in this area, I'm going all in. Sometimes I'll write about my mentoring business with tips and stuff... but sometimes I'll write about my other business (the B&B in Costa Rica), sometimes I'll write about... writing. And sometimes about speaking. And who knows... maybe my kids, dogs or bad hair days will get the spotlight. It will be, what it will be, but I promise you this... from now on, I'll be putting my whole self in the ring. No more worrying about if I sound professional or credible or worthy. YOU can decide that for yourself.

Follow YOUR tug, people!! And If you need help navigating through it, feel free to connect with me to set up a free 15-minute Skype chat. I'm here to support you! We can't always do it alone.

2014 was a good year for me.

I finished writing my book "Following my tug... all the way to Costa Rica!". This time last year, I was knee-deep in editing, and man, what an experience that was! It feels like all that happened 5 years ago already. It was such a deep and profound experience... transformational in so many ways. I can honestly say it's a goal I had had for most of my life and to have reached the finish line was a remarkable achievement for me. But the richness... the deep personal satisfaction was in the doing, was showing up every single day. That was a big lesson for me.

Once my book was uploaded and published on Kobo Books and Smashwords, a friend sent me a link to a writing contest. I signed up for the free seminars. I was pumped. I listened to over a dozen professionals working in the publishing industry from writing to marketing to everything in between. Listening and writing the contest proposal thwarted me forward... it propelled me into creating a new website – a place where people could find me and learn more about my book. It was all to meet the writing contest criteria... at first.

Then something happened.

I became an entrepreneur. I combined my skills and gifts and put myself out there.

I had paying clients. Received amazing feedback. Yes, this is what I wanted to do. Helping other women feels just so damn good! Then I got stuck. My energy shifted from being totally excited to completely full of doubt. Back and forth.

I read tons of books... "push through," they'd remind me. Resistance is the enemy.

So, 2014 was a roller coaster ride. A truly personal one. I had to let go of a lot of beliefs and stories that have been swirling in my head for so many years (I have a natural gift helping others sort through their mess, but I'm not always brilliant at sorting out my own stuff). I'm good at what I do, but I have no system. I know I can help people, but all the technology stuff scares me. I know I can serve with all my experience, but how do I "sell" to people without compromising my integrity... how do I do it without that icky feeling. I know I love money and understand it's an energy exchange  and provides oodles of freedom, and I also know that I always have enough, and yet I worry that I won't be able to take care of myself. These are the contradictions I face.

So, 2014 was about doing A LOT of inner work. It's now up to me to make it mean something and take it further... lean into those boundaries. And it's obvious I just can't do it alone. So, I followed my tug and made a decision. I hired a business coach. We start next Wednesday. Yay!

Manifesting your dream takes action. Dedication. Discipline even. The end result rarely lands in your lap by sprinkling a pinch of pixie dust. And it rarely looks like a straight line... you will zig and you will zag. But, always check in with your tug. Ego loves the status quo and will set up all kinds of reasons why not to take that leap. We're all pros at self-sabotage. That muscle is strong. It no longer needs exercising...

It's time to build the dream muscle! It's time to work while you're dreaming and create a great day, a great week, a great month... one by one, step by step until you've created a great year. That's how it's done.

Wishing you the very best New Year!

I was part of a conversation on one of my Facebook groups recently and a woman was wondering whether she was reacting to her fear or intuition.

That's a really good question.

My answer was this:

FEAR = negative emotions... doubt, low energy, resistance, back and forth second guessing, thoughts of "who am I to think I can do this?", physically causes frowning

TUG (true ultimate guide or intuition) = positive emotions... high energy, a sense of peace with the decision, resolution that it's right for you right now without guilt, breathing easier with the decision, physically causes smiling

These are just a few ways to differentiate between fear and intuition. Also fear is a mechanism that holds us back from pushing through to the next level. Intuition, on the other hand, propels us forward even if it feels uncomfortable (it has our back).

Some life decisions are incredibly hard to make, and scary, but when you sit with the question and listen to your inner voice (not all that noise of 'what will the external world think', but really listen to the whisper inside you)... you can hear your truth. Fear is loud and distracting. It makes a big fuss. It creates all kinds of drama. Fear is impulsive and likes to be in control. And although intuition looks for opportunities to get your attention and pokes you repeatedly, it waits patiently for YOU to take control.

But make no mistake, BOTH are temporary. Just because you choose to follow your tug, it will only guide you to the next step... then you have to go deep and listen some more and follow it again and again. Intuition is not a one-hit wonder nor will it solve all your problems in one fowl swoop. It will merely lead you down the right path for now... based on what you need at this point in time.

Going for that job might be exactly the right decision... only to find out two months later you're  guided to do something completely different. One has to be open to all the twists and turns of the journey. The idea is to make decisions that cultivate a 'feel good' vibe. Following your tug will do that far more often than letting fear take the lead.

I started reading The War of Art by
Steven Pressfield on Friday and finished it yesterday... I gobbled it up. It's turned my bleh mood around completely!

Maybe it's the last dregs of the rainy season here in Costa Rica, but I've been moving in slow motion lately. And to be fair, since living in here, I've never quite got into a natural routine because I've never had so much time to call my own.

When I lived in Canada and worked full-time, I had deadlines, schedules, and systems in place. I was on top of things. Managing multiple projects involving multiple teams and multiple clients was just another day at the office. And boy, my ability to focus and get things done was astonishing. What happened to that me? Without a doubt, I needed some very real recovery time from all the accumulated stress. For the first three months of living in paradise I was just trying to decompress and breathe. I definitely needed it.

We had lots to do, and things did get done, but I didn't put a whole lot of pressure on myself. From day one, my husband, Kevin, has been all about the tasks and finding some kind of routine: the trout get fed at 6:30 am, noon and 5 pm. He opens the aqueduct gate to flush the ponds with fresh river water every morning and shuts the gate just before dinnertime. He lets the chickens out of their coop first thing in the morning and ushers them back in while doing his rounds at the end of the day. There are garden beds to weed and prepare for sowing... we have a ton of projects on the go. And although I've been doing my share, I've not really found my rhythm. I kind of wait around for Kevin to prompt me. That's SO not me. I was a single mother for years, I couldn't just wait around for someone to prompt me to do things. I had to figure it out and I did. (I even owned my own toolbox.) So why have I been feeling so scattered?

I realized this week that when I'm reading, I feel guilty that I'm not gardening... when I'm gardening, I'm dreaming of writing or working on my business and feeling like I'm not moving forward with either... when I'm writing or working on my business, I'm torn that I'm not contributing to the farm enough... and it goes on like this. Little gets done to any satisfaction. Excuses and resistance both get in the way.

I've decided to activate my life, inspired by the book The War of Art. Resistance is the enemy. Here's a sample of what Steven Pressfield writes:

"Look in your own heart. Unless I'm crazy, right now a still, small voice is piping up, telling you as it has ten thousand times before, the calling that is yours and yours along. You know it. No one has to tell you. And unless I'm crazy, you're no closer to taking action on it than you were yesterday or will be tomorrow. You think Resistance isn't real? Resistance will bury you."

So, on that note, I decided to stop resisting and making excuses. I have to re-frame my lifestyle and include all my "jobs" and give them all the respect they deserve. If I step into my tasks with focus and effort, I will bring energy to those tasks... if I bring energy then I will be showing up fully present.

To get things rolling in bite-size chunks that I can manage, I will dedicate:
2 hours of manual labour/farm chores each day...
2 hours of reading/spiritual practice/meditation/stretching...
2 hours of writing...
2 hours of cleaning/beautifying/painting the house, gardens and guesthouse...
2 hours of working on my business...
2 hours of cooking (3 meals)...
2 hours of connecting with family and friends
2 hours of misc (travelling into town, writing a little more, helping Kevin with a task)
8 hours of sleep... I take my sleep seriously

I will actually time myself. Things will get done a little each day in every category... I can put my whole self into the task at hand and not worry about the other stuff because I will allot time for everything. I can relax and just get on with it. I feel the fog has lifted. Yay!

Is there anything stopping you from doing what you want? Stopping you from doing what you need to do to fulfill your life's purpose?

It's Sunday night as I write this post and I'm quietly pondering the first half of my life. You see, in two more days I'll be turning 50. It seems like a big number to most people I talk to. Many seem less than enchanted with the whole idea of aging. I wonder why I'm not more freaked out by it all. But then again...

My teenage years were nothing to brag about. I had friends, but I never truly fit in. I loved performing in plays, but if I got a part at all, it was some background role with less than 3 lines. I was actually accepted to a performing arts school. It was the school's pilot year and the auditions were rigorous. Being accepted meant something... well, at least it did to me. I was in the
one and only performing arts class in the whole school.

We pranced around in our tights and leg warmers and started impromptu dance routines in the cafeteria (yes, really, just like that 80s show Fame). Anyway, the school was putting on Oliver! for their yearly play and auditions were open to the whole school. Of course, pretty much my entire class auditioned. We expected, however arrogantly, that we'd all secure lead roles... after all, we were living and breathing theatre all day, every day. The casting sheets went up and quite a few of my classmates were given some juicy roles... but not me. I looked down the sheet (I had my eye on the role of Nancy) and beside "Dying woman" was my name. This part is so insignificant, they couldn't be bothered to include it in the movie. I asked about the role and the director (my drama teacher) said she had... you guessed it... 3 lines. Oh goodie! I was... crushed. What crushed me even more is that although there are no small roles, I realized, without a doubt, I was a small actor. And that truly sucked. I had a dream and I let my ego get in my way. I quit the program. I was young... what did I know?

I was also a pretty sickly teenager... I suffered from yearly bouts of bronchitis, chronic tonsillitis (had them finally removed at 21... now that was a party in my mouth), and had mononucleosis 6 times (I was told people could only catch it once, but lucky me, I defied all odds). Oh and laryngitis... let's not forget the countless times I had no voice.... and I talk more than I write, so yeah... that was hard.

So when I look back on my teenage years, it's hard to summon up a whole lot of heartfelt fondness. The best part of my teenage years was spending hours on end collaborating with my best friend writing songs in her basement. Now that was awesome.

I got married at 22. I spent my 20s between adventure seeking, trying my best to define myself and jumping through hoops to please my husband. He was mentally ill – before we knew anything about mental illness – and during his bad times he was incredibly abusive. I wish the good times outweighed the bad, but they didn't. Well, that's not entirely true. I was blessed with both my children and for that reason alone, I would not change one thing... but I wouldn't go back.

Oh, and my 30s, well, they weren't a cake walk either. I had to sneak my kids to a shelter, get a restraining order against my soon to be ex-husband, had to learn to cope as a single mother working full time... driving my kids to daycare and before school programs and rushing to get back to pick them up, I was told I was going blind and needed emergency surgery (I did and all went very well). When I bought my very first townhouse, I had 5 cents in my bank account until my next pay cheque. I was grateful the fridge was full (more or less) and my car had a half tank of gas to get me through. I lived with the constant pain of  Fibromyalgia, which rendered me flat on my face most of the time, except I didn't want my kids to see me in pain, so I refused to expose the obvious: my cringing expression and tears. My ex-husband committed suicide, leaving me with the aftermath of picking up the pieces for my kids. It was a complicated grief.

My 40s have been far better than the previous decades. I fell in love and remarried. But the blended family syndrome is very real even in the best possible scenario. I had a great husband and great kids, yet, the dynamics created some strain for everyone. It happens... and I'm certainly not the first woman to go through it.

I also worked hard – very hard – in a career that drained me. I was lucky, the company was a good company. I was well paid. But I just wasn't happy. I wasn't following my tug. One day I looked down at my relatively new car's odometer and it read 64,000 km. From home to work and from work to home with a few side trips here and there, but basically that was my life... right there on the odometer staring me down. Moving, but not going anywhere. Travelling, without exploration. This observation depressed me. I took stalk and made some significant changes. My husband and I decided to sell up and move to Costa Rica. And we did. Best decision ever.

SO, you can only imagine how I might be feeling about entering my 50s. I'm not looking back. I'm building my tug muscle. I'm stretching and growing... growing younger in fact. Yup, that's what I said. Since making the decision to live my best life, I've lost over 20 pounds, my cholesterol has stabilized, I'm in better mental, emotional, physical and spiritual shape I've ever been in. I love my life. I feel younger and more vibrant. So if this is 50, bring it on. I will never look back in anger because my history is part of who I've become.

Today... that's what I have to work with and I'm going to do my best to keep moving forward while always making sure I end up 'somewhere' better than the day before.

So, happy birthday to me.

Image borrowed from the internet. A little over two years ago my husband, Kevin, and I left our middle-class suburban lifestyle and traded it in for a new adventure. We sold our house and moved to Costa Rica. That was the extent of our plan, really. We had decided to open a B&B and see if we could make that work. We had talked about selling trout from the ponds on the property. Our minds were open to the possibilities. We didn't have enough savings to ride that wave... we definitely needed to create some kind of income. We weren't rich.

People often ask me "how did you do it?"... "weren't you scared that it wouldn't work out?". Or, they simply sigh with deep longing and tell me "wow, you're living the dream: I wish I could do that."

Well, I'll tell you something... there were no wands or pixie dust involved. We were not given any special powers, either. We did our due diligence, we researched as much as possible, and we weighed the pros and cons. And it looked a lot like this:

We felt excited.
Then we resisted.

We felt energized.
Then we felt drained.

We felt rich.
Then we felt poor.

We felt at peace.
Then we felt confused.

We felt empowered.
Then we felt scared... (shitless)

Then, we took a step forward. Then another. And another. We simply had to activate. Dreaming just isn't enough, y'know?

So we stepped into our fear. It felt REALLY uncomfortable much of the time and more often than not I wondered what the heck we were doing. All I knew was that staying where I was, wasn't an option. I could feel my soul wither (which is an impossibility, I know, but the ache it produces is very real nonetheless). Fear is also just as real, but it rarely serves growth. I'm learning that in spades!

In the last two years, Kevin and I have tried a bunch of new things... things we never dreamed we'd ever do. I'm not saying we mastered these things, but even just dabbling and learning to problem solve has expanded the way we think. Some of the things we'd never done before but learned:
• how to start a business from scratch in the remote mountains of Costa Rica
• how to be B&B hosts
• how to manage the aqueduct system for the ponds
• how to clean the ponds
• how to care for trout
• how to fish, gut, clean and cook trout
• how to garden organically (not as easy as one thinks and we're still learning!)
• how to mend fences
• how to speak Spanish (enough to communicate)
• how to rebuild an ATV from fire damage
• how to use a machete
• how to use the moon cycle in planting and harvesting
• how to take care of chickens and their eggs properly
• how to use coconut oil for all kinds of things!
• how to build a website (and use Mail Chimp to create an Opt-In box... sweet!)
• how to network within our community
• how to market ourselves online
• how to sort out banking and immigration requirements
• how to drive in San Jose, where the driving culture is very different to that of Canada

These are just the tactical aspects of our learning. Accumulation of knowledge, so to speak. I'm sure there's a lot more stuff that I'm missing, but the point is that we had to learn these things. And we had to be open to failing (which only means not getting it quite right the first time, nothing more).

I've learned so much about myself, at a soul level, as well:
• I wrote my first book... a dream come true
• I discovered what gratitude really means. I'm spiritual, but not religious and I used to think saying "Grace" was a religious practice. While living here, I've realized how important to see the grace in all things. And to be grateful... oh so grateful
• Connecting with nature is healing, more so than I could have ever imagined
• I've learned to breathe and trust... in the Universe and in myself
• My story is worth sharing and by sharing my truth I have the privilege of serving others
• Following my tug is the best action I can take... every time

Moving to a foreign country isn't for everyone and I would never suggest it's the only way to live your dream. I am saying that while you are looking outward and seeing other people accomplishing certain goals and wishing you could be like them, if you look closely, you'll soon see that they are no more special than you. Or better yet, you are just as special as they are. The only thing that you are required to do is check in with your own tug, put one foot in front of the other, and course correct when you feel off course.

Nothing is set in stone, that's the beauty of it all. You can change your mind. You can decide to move in a different direction. Now... tell me, what do you dream about... what's your bliss and what's stopping you from reaching it?