Vivienne Craft's Blog

Okay so….Most of my blogs are light hearted. That is usually where my head is at. But after watching the Netflix show 13 Reasons Why, I am moved to share something a little more serious. I watched this show and was compelled to take my daughter for a little one on one time and talk.

If you haven’t heard about this show, it tells the story of Hannah who commits suicide but before she does, gives her reasons why. I went into the show thinking why the hell did they make this but in the end I thought how important is was that they did.

I watched it as a mother. Through a mother’s eyes. And that was powerful. After seeing the show I took my daughter to the mall to have girl time. Then I told her how much I love her and that I SEE her. As a person and the young lady she is becoming.

I let her know that it is okay to be herself and that she is loved for just being her. Then I told her about when I was in high school.

Things happened to me when I was younger and at a certain point I felt just as alone as Hannah did in 13 Reasons Why. I only told one person and that person wound up saving my life. I didn’t go into detail with my daughter but I told her that no matter what, I will be there for her so she never has to feel that way. I also told her that no matter how mad I get at her that I will always love her and listen to her. There is nothing she can do or tell me to change that. And I repeated it several times. When I was younger I did feel like there was no one who understood what I was going through and I want my daughter to know that I always will.

But here is the scary part. Even if you are a great parent who is completely present, there is always a chance your kid could keep secrets and fall through the cracks. This terrifies me. But I will stay vigilant. My daughter is turning 13 this year. *insert blood curdling scream*

If you are a parent. Watch this show. Then talk to your kids. Warn them about…as much as you can. Then tell them you love them.

Suicide can be prevented. If you are thinking of taking your own life, please tell someone. If someone confides in you, take them seriously. Get Help.

http://www.crisistextline.org

Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

Just my 2 cents

~VC

Okay so….Before I begin..Hey! I know its been a while but you know…life. Anyhoo. Okay so…I have a friend that recently redefined what our friendship was going to be moving forward. Now before y’all start with the “Eff that hoe” and what not, know that from their standpoint it was for a good reason. I didn’t necessarily agree but I understood.

But for the sake of keeping the freindship alive, I kind of (loosely) went along with it. But here’s the thing. I don’t want to make a new friend (I really like the old one). I kinda feel like a chump seeing as how I am the FIRST person to chunk someone duece. Like I feel like the song Cut that Bitch Off was made by me. Anywhoo….

I don’t know what’s happening to me in my old age.  Maybe I am softening, Maybe I am valuing connections and people more. I don’t know. But this softer side of me sucks. LOL

Okay so here’s a quick update on the new books. I got your messages! I understand. I looked up and almost a year has passed since I put out a new book. I have two in pipeline. I am not sure which one will make it out first but I can confirm one of them is Jail Bait 2. Yes! Yes! Yes!

The other is one have I been hinting at called Risk it All. Oh and it’s a good one. Sometimes I wonder how I don’t get myself pregnant from writing these things they’re so hot.

Stay tuned!

Okay so…. I have been struggling with writing about my health issues. Mainly because once you write about something it is out there for all to judge and know. And although, I am the truthsayer and blogger of all, the personal ones are always the hardest.

That being said…I still ain’t ready. LOLOLOL

The other day one of my friends asked the question if I’d go on a date to McDonald’s with my man. First of all, I have been married for 18 years and with that man for 20. Hells yes I would, and have, and will again go on a date to McDonald’s. With no shame and be damn happy to be there.

We went on a date to Taco Cabana yesterday and it was the happiest I had been in a week sitting on that patio. We have been on fancy ass dates and all there is in between. We love it all but I think the most fun we have is on the cheapo dates.

Anyhoo, I was asked to tell this story about one of the expensive ones. So here it is… One Valentine’s my Hubbs actually planned some shit out. You have to understand how monumental that is. He usually tries to ATTEMPT to plan and then gives up and tells me so I can help make decisions, which ruins the whole “planning/surprise” thing.

Anyway, this particular year he does all the work and takes me to this fancy restaurant that is like super expensive. I was so excited that I got my glam on extra hard. Shaved everything and was ready for all shenanigans to pop off.

Right off the bat, they make us take a picture that I wasn’t prepared for (You know we have to get our pose on to catch the right angles) but the Hubbs was telling me how pretty I looked and so I smiled and kept it moving. The service was good but the food was not all that and it wasn’t filling. The best thing about the whole meal was this cheese grate cylinder thing the salad came in. That thing was delicious. But everything else was ehh.

But here was the most memorable part of the night. They had live entertainment. A dude playing a guitar and walking around singing. He would start on the stage with a band set up and then go from table to table. Nothing new there. But when he got to our table this fool stayed. I mean he was there so long that he pulled up a chair.

I wanted to feel like we were special but after about 20 minutes, it became annoying. But then it went from annoying back to amusing again because dude started spitting game. Yup. Right in front of my husband….on Valentine’s Day.

My husband and I broke out in a fit of the giggles because this guy was dead serious. He would compliment me and then play a few chords on the guitar. Now you can full on picture what this guy looked like. Shiny button down shirt, open too much at the neck. Hair slicked back in a ponytail. A chain with a medallion on it. And don’t forget the guitar.

I imagine his speil must have worked on someone. I could not have been the first woman he hit on in front of her husband. And the way he was doing it? Your smile lights up this room *strums guitar*. He is a lucky man to have such a beautiful woman by his side *strums guitar*. I would love for you to see my homeland *strums guitar*. Not singing it either. Just spitting game and strumming the guitar.

After thirty minutes of trying and not succeeding in wooing my panties off, he moved on but only after pinning me with a meaningful stare. He didn’t do that to anyone else. We were waiting. But he more or less made his way around the room and back on stage. My only regret is that I didn’t take a picture with this guy for posterity.

~VC

Okay so I realize things can be tough out there….. But I mean….

I read this post from one of my friends that said the reason why marriage is failing is because women like trash. Mmkay… so??? Buttt??? Wait a minute…. If we like trash and we are marrying men, does that mean men are trash?

And what about the same sex marriages that fail? I know that this was either meant do down women or it was just flame bait but it got me to thinking. I know a lot of people. I know women that have been treated shittily (a lot of them) and I know some men who have been crapped on. But I also know a WHOLE lot of men who should be strung up and beat from the way they treat women.

Yes, these women like them and YES they are trash but rarely do these men introduce themselves as such. They act like they are sweet as apple pie and then they open up that bag of trash. That is not the fault of the woman and also that is not the plight of all women.

Then we have the women that like the “Bad Boys” and the men that they know ain’t no good. Well…they deserve what they get. And the reverse is true. We all know a guy that picks the wrong chick every time. The hooch with the big booty. (Or whatever) And I don’t think these afore mentioned people are looking for marriage.

I have been married a million years. I did not choose trash. And even though my husband is a good guy, marriage itself is hard and you have to work hard at it. It’s a more complex equation than women choosing trash.

I believe in love and I believe in marriage. That’s just my 2 cents.

~VC

Okay so admittedly I’m an old lady. I try to stay abreast of various social media platforms and whatnot but I ain’t got time to be on every new thing. I barely tweet and almost never do it on my personal twitter page. I Facebook constantly cuz that’s my thang. Snapchat is just so I can send my OOTD (outfits of the day) to my wifey (my best friend forever).

Recently, I noticed my husband uses Snapchat…a lot. Now I ain’t stupid, I understand that women in various levels of undress are on there and that’s prolly why he’s on there, so I decided to become more involved. What I didn’t expect was to be entertained by my husband’s snaps. I don’t know why not since I’ve always thought my husband was clever (only part of the reason why I married him *bobs eyebrows*) but his coverage of his work day exploits are damned funny.

Anyhoo, today I decide that I may actually start using Snapchat for reals like other people. I go and add all the folks who added me. Now I know I am hella late. Like I said, I am old but DAAAANNNGGG….. so dudes just putting their penises out there to women who ain’t said boo to them? That’s how y’all rolling?

I mean, I’m sure the reverse is also true but I didn’t discover a bunch vajayjays. Nope. I opened my Snapchat to find a bunch of “Hey Girl, Look at my dick” messages.

I immediately did some house cleaning so that I could try and enjoy social media. I’m not giving up on SnapChat just yet. I have to see what DJ Khaled and Blacc Chyna are out there doing.

P.S. You dudes really need to stop sending your penises to women. Also, invest in some lotion.

Just my 2 cents.

~VC

Okay I know it’s been a while….I apologize.

If you read the last post, then you know I have been dealing with some health issues. It has taken me a while to get back into the groove of things. Some days I wake up too sick to do anything but things are getting better. I’ll blog about my health issues later but for now…..

So I realize I may have been married too long to enjoy Valentine’s day. Now don’t get me wrong, I LOVE love and being in love. And I am in love but my husband isn’t necessarily one of those guys that makes every day Valentine’s day. So I really enjoy the days that he’s supposed to make me feel special. At this point I have realized that we aren’t rich so I’m not getting diamonds every year or getting whisked off to a private island. (Which would be heaven) I still have a day job so I work pretty much every Valentine’s. So somewhere around year 14 (of marriage) I started taking V-Day for granted like it was just any other day. I know. That’s depressing coming from a romance writer but it’s true.

All I really want at this point is Pappasitos and sex. Or at least the Pappasitos.

I was telling all this to my single friend. And in turn basically told she me to shut my married ass up and be happy I have someone to spend the day with.

I had to take a step back and be grateful I have someone who loves me and also is not trying to spend the day before or after Valentine’s with a side piece.

My friend asked me when was the last time I was single on Valentine’s day. I had to think about it but I do remember. The year was 1996. Yes, I remember the year exactly. And yes I am that old. Anyhoo. the year was 1996 and I was newly single. I was purposely being single for a year to find out what I wanted in a relationship since I had had a boyfriend since I was 12.

I remember going to a party the day before that was for the single “Playas”. It was fun but I was bored. It did, however, take my mind off of being lonely. Then the big day came.

This guy that I thought was cute bought a huge teddy bear for my friend and took her to lunch. This was a single girl joy killer since I thought he was bringing the teddy bear for me and when they left I was all alone. Really alone. Not blissfully alone like I thought it was going to be.

I went to a pop up give away site where the local radio station was giving away concert tickets to singles and setting them up on dates.

I wound up getting set up on a date with a nice guy from my college. Tim. I remember him well. He was so nice…and tall. He was cute, too. Tim from Chicago. I was all set to go to the concert with Tim so headed back to class…where I ran into Mark. Mark was clearly a jerk but he was also cute with a nice car. Now I am not the bad boy type but I gave it a try because he was over the top asking me out in front of everyone.

I started the day off with no dates and ended it with two. I was feeling myself Bey/Nikki style but that would soon be short lived. I went on the first date with Tim who was a complete doll and then went out with Mark who was a complete jerk.

First off, I drove to Mark’s house which was far as fuck…..I had to stop for gas and locked my keys in the car. I had to call Pop-A-Lock to get my keys out which cost me $75. I was in one funky ass mood crying and what not. I called Mark to help me which he did not do, instead he begged me to still come to his house since I was so close.

I get to Mark’s house and find out he lives with his parents. I know it was college and that’s normal but I lived in my own house and I thought when he said “his crib” he meant his own not his mama’s. I was already frazzled from the car thing and then I get there and his mom opened the door. He rushes past her and invites me up to his room. I was immediately on high alert.

I was turned off by the fact that the guy was going to make a move on me in his room with his parents downstairs. And let’s not forget his little sister kept coming in. It was extremely uncomfortable. I thought we going to get to know each other or play video games or watch a movie but instead (and this is the worst part) he tells me to give him a blow job. Just right out like that.

I had just met him THAT day and he had me drive across town instead of picking me up or meeting him somewhere closer. He didn’t take me anywhere AND we were at his parents’ house, yet he thought all he had to do was pull his pants down and I was going to blow him?

All that self confidence I was feeling earlier was flushed down the toilet with one slimy request. I rethought my whole approach to being single and grabbed my bag. On the way out I told his little sister to come and take note. Never date jerks like her brother then I made my grand exit. It was the worst V-day I’d ever had and I vowed to never be single on Valentine’s again. I haven’t either.

So maybe I need to be a little more appreciative of the day.

Addendum…..

What happened with Tim? We dated a hot minute but he wanted to marry me on less than two months of dating. It freaked me out and I dumped him.

Okay So… I have been distracted lately. Let me tell you what’s been going on.

First, I do public speaking on women’s issues and sex and relationships. I enjoy this immensely. I also speak about organizing your life. If there is one thing I’m good at, it’s organizing shit.  Anyhoo, I’m a public speaker. What I’m not???? A Sex Therapist!

Yeah I said it. Sex Therapist! Maybe one day I will make that change but as of 2016…NOPE. So here’s the breakdown. My mom comes up to me and says I got you a speaking referral. I’m like cool. Do they have my info? She’s like yeah, be expecting a call.

Cool. Cool. So I get a message about the Gig. The guy leaves the details. He wants me to counsel his boss for sex addiction because you know, I’m a therapist. Again….Nope. He leaves ALL this dude’s info on my voicemail. ALL. Meanwhile. I am over here dying.

Now if he wants me to talk about sex from a woman’s point of view, I got him. But giving him therapy to cure him of sleeping with everything with a hole??? I am not his girl.  So I had to ask my mother to politely call these people back and let them know that is not in my realm of awesomeness.

Mmkaay….then on a personal note. I’ve been feeling like straight trash lately. I went to the doctor and found out I have a whole host of problems.  It’s tough and it was definitely shocking but don’t cry for me Argentina. Getting better is my main focus. I took a minute to have a pity party for one and then I got back to doing what I do. Planning my victory. The hardest thing about trying to get better is the sitting on my ass. I want to get up and do the things I normally do. Unfortunately, I HAVE to sit my stubborn ass down in order to heal.  I feel like I need to get up. I know all the things that are stacking up around my house. I juggle so much during one day and I know what is waiting on me.

However, I am making the changes that need to be made and doing what I have to do. I have to stick around here for my family and to finish Jail Bait 2.

Anyhoo….here’s my advice to you good folks. Listen to your body and go to the doctor. Take care of yourselves. You only have this one body and this one life. Value it.

~VC

Okay, so it’s been a minute since I was able to Blog. I literally blog (and write) when I am inspired. With all the deaths that have been happening in 2016 (both celebs and personally) I have been trying to get my shit together.

Not to mention all things Bey! #Lemonade

So I have been taking time to let everything soak in. I took a vacay with the Hubbs and was reinvigorated and rejuvenated. But here is my two cents about something I have been seeing a lot lately…

Since lemonade was released, a lot of people have been throwing shade on women who stay with their men after they cheat.  Okay so slow your roll.

I know some women (even the ones who are throwing shade) that have stayed with a man that they are NOT married to through MULTIPLE women. And I mean multiple. I’m talking side piece GALORE.  That dude ain’t committed nothing to you but a kid and an occasional dicking. I am not a proponent of this. In fact, if you are just dating a dude and he cheats on you, there is no forgiveness to be had. In my opinion, he has done you a favor. Move on.

But if you are married, I feel like you should try to work on your marriage and save it because you have made a spiritual and physical commitment. HOWEVER, I do feel like there are limits to this. If you find out your dude has been with MULTIPLE women or that he has had a side piece since the minute y’all started talking or he is meeting and getting nasty with internet chicks or social media chicks. If he is spending house money on women or dealing with straight prostitutes or men, then you need to cut that dude loose.

Besides all that, it’s my belief that women will fight harder for a man that is NOT theirs (meaning not married to) than a man that is theirs before GOD. This saddens me because I know that marriage is hard and temptation is strong.  I have seen it time and time again with married folks.  Anyhoo…I started taking note of all the memes coming thru my timeline. Y’all talking bout– I’d rather be single than serving lemonade—are never gonna be married successfully.

Now don’t jump down my throat! Not every marriage is going to experience cheating. But what if it does? I am not a push over namby pamby wife that accepts bullshit by any means but I would like to believe that I would fight for what’s mine.

Anyhoo…that is just my two cents. Please stop making fun of married folk trying to be married. Take your single hating ass elsewhere. LOL

~VC

Okay so….Remember that blog I wrote about the best email I had ever read?  Well my homette who was talking to that dude went out on a date with another winner.

Let me begin by describing my friend. She’s tall (like 6 feet tall) with a pretty face and a woman’s body.  She has a beautiful outgoing personality and on top of all that she is independent and sexy. There is a reason we are friends.

Now today’s subject matter is near and dear to my heart because I am also a tall woman (5’10).

Here’s what happened…

She went out on a date with this guy and at some point he asked if she was born a man and then made her pay for her drink.

Ugh! I know. I wanted to take a bath when she told me that. EEW. Come on guy!!!

Now this is where things get interesting. (Yeah I know it was ALREADY interesting) But she posted her experience on her FB page.  Her friends had the right responses. Support. Outrage. Sympathy. Anger.

And then there were these two gay guys. Now keep in mind we have a lot friends in the LGTBQ community because we are a loving and accepting open group. I don’t want anyone to be offended because I said two gay guys because there were other gay gays commenting but I am specifically speaking of these two guys that were gay and had their hackles up and ready to defend a perceived insult.

One posts….”I’m  sad that transgender is associated with so much negativity and hate in this post.” And the other one says…..”Glad I am not the only one that noticed that. I know a lot of trans people that are way more beautiful than most of the cis gender people I know.”

THAT WAS NOT THE POINT OF THE POST/COMMENTS!!!!! EVERYTHING IS NOT HATE!!!

I had to scroll up and read the whole post again and see if anyone said anything about transgender people in any negative way. I didn’t read one “Fuck trannies!” Or “Transgenders suck!” Not one! All I saw was. “That guy is an idiot!” and “You are beautiful.” and “You are clearly all woman.”

The fact that the second guy said that he knows transgenders who are more beautiful than what I’m assuming he’s calling natural women is a slap in the face of my friend. That was basically saying…..I know men prettier than you so you shouldn’t feel offended. Why on earth would a woman be offended by a man saying you look like you could possibly have a penis? (I am being sooooo sarcastic here.)

Let me break this down for anyone who is having an issue with this…If anyone calls a woman a transgender or questions her gender then they are NOT paying this woman a compliment. This is NOT going to make any natural born woman feel good. Well maybe if you were a stud (look it up).

Only an actual Transgendered woman MAYBE wouldn’t be offended by this. MAYBE. See the thing about femininity is that is the very essence of a woman. NO woman, transgender or natural born, wants their VERY ESSENCE besmirched, questioned, belittled or disrespected.

That gentleman, is not hate towards transgendered people. It is love for a woman.

And P.S.  Height does not make you manlike. Height makes you statuesque. Still a woman.

P.P.S Plenty of fish dating site is full of Plenty of Duds

Okay so….  Ya’ll know I cut for Amber Rose but she done gone and said some reckless shizz about Bey.

So basically in her journey to keep people from telling the truth about slutty women, she has jumped to Kim K’s defense of putting yet another nekkid picture on IG. I can not tell you how hard I rolled my eyes at that shit and the subsequent “essay” to follow. We all know how I feel about her and that mess but for the record…Posting naked pictures of yourself on social media does not qualify for women’s lib. In fact, I know not ONE man who is constantly posting naked pics of himself because he is free and liberated. NOT ONE.  Although, I would pay good money for the Rock to do so.

I digress…..So Amber is jumping in to defend fellow slut club member Kim K for inherent sluttiness and drags Bey into it. She said that no one slams Bey for being sexy and half naked performing.  Okay keywords here are half-naked, performing and being sexy.

I have never seen actual nakedness from Bey as in her naked ass twerking, her nipples or her pink meat. I have seen ALL of that from Amber and Kim K. And I have never seen any kind of sex tape from Bey either. That’s your answer Amber.

You and Bey are NOT the same therefore you will not be slut shamed the same. Bey did get her fair share of flack for being sexy. IE: The Grammy’s IE: Her whole last album

So Amber Rose you need to have a continuous escalator type contraption of seats. Move around Muva.

If you are interested in what Amber Rose said, here ya go.

Amber Rose Slams Beyonce For Dressing Sexy: Haters Come At Me For It — But Not Her?