Pamela Taeuffer's Blog - Posts Tagged "romance-book"
We all Took Turns Hiding
NICKY'S MOTHER SITS IN THE KITCHEN, TRYING NOT TO UNDERSTAND, EVEN AS SHE UNDERSTANDS, HER DAUGHTER'S NEED TO STAY BUSY AND AWAY FROM THE DARK SECRETS OF THEIR HOME.
My mother hid her emotions every day.
Now, instead of the gratification she'd received from her work, she picked up my father from the front lawn after he'd passed out, or helped him as he stumbled out of his truck, or undressed him and put him to bed, and sometimes wiped his ass when he'd made a mess of himself.
She drove to the store to get his bottles of whiskey so he wouldn’t drive drunk to get them.
Mom could've hidden his keys but that would have meant taking his verbal and sometimes physical abuse.
Perhaps she considered disabling his truck in some way, but that would have meant he couldn't get to work and his livelihood might be threatened.
Maybe this one of her silent gifts, making sure our college education was secure.
Like a doctor prescribing painkillers, she doled out his shots and managed his life.
Sometimes late at night, Dad's friends called my mom to get him from the bar because he couldn't drive. Jenise and I would ride with her, often around midnight, shrinking in the back seat under our blanket, trying to stay invisible.
"Going out?" Mom asked.
"Yeah, doing some charity work," I said. "One of the guys on the Goliaths is coming to pick me up. Jenise leave already?"
"She had something she needed to check on at school. One of the Goliaths players is taking you? Isn't that a little unusual?" She asked with raised eyebrows.
I think it is, but I don't know what to do with it yet.
"No, it's just that I was the person who submitted the cheer team plan. We started talking and because his dad was in the military, we hit it off." I took a breath. "He's easy to talk with."
"Uh-huh," she said. "Is he single?"
"Is he single? That's a weird question. Why?"
"Just curious," she said.
"Yes, he's single," I said.
"How old is he?"
"Almost twenty-five," I said.
"And you know this because . . ."
"Because I follow the team, mom. When I look at the press guide it has their birthdays. He's trying to help us with our college applications, that's all. A twenty-five-year-old man isn't interested in seventeen-year-old-girls."
"No?" she probed.
"No, that's disgusting." But not "yuck" like my first response when I talked with Tara.
"Don't you think you have enough to do?" she asked.
Like my father, I self-medicated, but instead of using alcohol, I stuffed my schedule with as many activities as I could to avoid my home life. My medication was to stay busy and away from anything too emotional. By not letting anyone in, I could stay numb and protected.
More hurt? I wasn't about to take any chances. I'd cried enough growing up and my invisible suitcase was heavy and full of anxiety.
"I've got plenty of time in my schedule, Mom. Anyway, it's summer."
1. WHAT ARE SOME OF THE THINGS YOU OR YOUR SIBLINGS DID TO AVOID THE "PROBLEM" IN YOUR HOUSE?
2. WERE YOU EVER ABLE TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH THE ADDICTED PERSON?
3. WERE YOU EVER ABLE TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH YOUR SIBLINGS? PARENTS? RELATIVES?
Please join the conversation at www.PamelaTaeuffer.com and sign up for my newsletter. I promise to keep it intimate, real, and moving.
My mother hid her emotions every day.
Now, instead of the gratification she'd received from her work, she picked up my father from the front lawn after he'd passed out, or helped him as he stumbled out of his truck, or undressed him and put him to bed, and sometimes wiped his ass when he'd made a mess of himself.
She drove to the store to get his bottles of whiskey so he wouldn’t drive drunk to get them.
Mom could've hidden his keys but that would have meant taking his verbal and sometimes physical abuse.
Perhaps she considered disabling his truck in some way, but that would have meant he couldn't get to work and his livelihood might be threatened.
Maybe this one of her silent gifts, making sure our college education was secure.
Like a doctor prescribing painkillers, she doled out his shots and managed his life.
Sometimes late at night, Dad's friends called my mom to get him from the bar because he couldn't drive. Jenise and I would ride with her, often around midnight, shrinking in the back seat under our blanket, trying to stay invisible.
"Going out?" Mom asked.
"Yeah, doing some charity work," I said. "One of the guys on the Goliaths is coming to pick me up. Jenise leave already?"
"She had something she needed to check on at school. One of the Goliaths players is taking you? Isn't that a little unusual?" She asked with raised eyebrows.
I think it is, but I don't know what to do with it yet.
"No, it's just that I was the person who submitted the cheer team plan. We started talking and because his dad was in the military, we hit it off." I took a breath. "He's easy to talk with."
"Uh-huh," she said. "Is he single?"
"Is he single? That's a weird question. Why?"
"Just curious," she said.
"Yes, he's single," I said.
"How old is he?"
"Almost twenty-five," I said.
"And you know this because . . ."
"Because I follow the team, mom. When I look at the press guide it has their birthdays. He's trying to help us with our college applications, that's all. A twenty-five-year-old man isn't interested in seventeen-year-old-girls."
"No?" she probed.
"No, that's disgusting." But not "yuck" like my first response when I talked with Tara.
"Don't you think you have enough to do?" she asked.
Like my father, I self-medicated, but instead of using alcohol, I stuffed my schedule with as many activities as I could to avoid my home life. My medication was to stay busy and away from anything too emotional. By not letting anyone in, I could stay numb and protected.
More hurt? I wasn't about to take any chances. I'd cried enough growing up and my invisible suitcase was heavy and full of anxiety.
"I've got plenty of time in my schedule, Mom. Anyway, it's summer."
1. WHAT ARE SOME OF THE THINGS YOU OR YOUR SIBLINGS DID TO AVOID THE "PROBLEM" IN YOUR HOUSE?
2. WERE YOU EVER ABLE TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH THE ADDICTED PERSON?
3. WERE YOU EVER ABLE TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH YOUR SIBLINGS? PARENTS? RELATIVES?
Please join the conversation at www.PamelaTaeuffer.com and sign up for my newsletter. I promise to keep it intimate, real, and moving.
Women in Transition
What do we do when we face transition?
Transition. It's a word that can strike fear in all ages, and both sexes. When we're young, it can mean facing the decision of an adult. When in our early 20's, it can mean embracing a more mature life and making serious career or relationship choices.
Women of transition -- what does this mean? It begins at 35 or so, when that first lip line or wrinkle or sag in the eyelid becomes noticeable. But beyond the physical stuff, it also means the glow of youth is over, and it's time to bring that glow into our hearts and celebrate who we are, where we're going, and crash through our walls and fears once and for all.
For Nicky Young, a woman coming of age after being raised in a family battling alcoholism, in Shadow Heart, a Contemporary Romance Noel, she already feels like she is 35 going on 50 from all of the abandonment and broken promises she's experienced.
She has trouble grabbing and celebrating her youth, and instead has spent her young years trying to survive and get out of her house, always walking carefully and in soft slippers in her house, focusing completely on pursuing her education. But now a boy has caught her eye who seems to hint at a possible life that could be, if only she'd take a risk.
But risk taking is the ultimate fear.
Taking a risk means stepping out of the shadows of comfort.
Jumping off her cliff, the one she's been holding onto for years, the one we can all get trapped on, means giving up control, and that's the one thing she doesn't want to lose.
No longer can Nicky watch her father's rage, waiting to take them all with its broad stroke of hurt.
No longer can Nicky stand to see her mother withdraw into codependency.
She clings to her childhood friends, the ones she's known, the ones who are safe.
And even as she clings to the past, her future is ripping her hands off the safety of comfort and familiarity, pulling her into a transition. If only she'd embrace it, risk it, take a chance…even if she falls…she might find everything could change.
What can you change by taking a chance?
What does transition mean for you?
Won't you join the conversation? Shadow Heart, a love story, has been re-edited and retold, and is going to be given away free on Amazong 10/4 and 10/5. Fire Heart, Book 2 in the series is out, continuing the story of the slow reveal of intimacy when growing up facing a family battling addiction.
It changes you.
It freezes you.
It makes you afraid.
It forces you to transition.
If you can be vulnerable,
If you can trust,
You can find intimacy.
It's only then, by trusting yourself, your heart opens.
AND THAT, IS A TRANSITION FROM WHICH YOU'LL NEVER BE THE SAME.
Please sign up for our newsletter for freebies and new releases at www.PamelaTaeuffer.com or my Facebook page: Shadow Heart, A Love Story about Being Vulnerable.
Transition. It's a word that can strike fear in all ages, and both sexes. When we're young, it can mean facing the decision of an adult. When in our early 20's, it can mean embracing a more mature life and making serious career or relationship choices.
Women of transition -- what does this mean? It begins at 35 or so, when that first lip line or wrinkle or sag in the eyelid becomes noticeable. But beyond the physical stuff, it also means the glow of youth is over, and it's time to bring that glow into our hearts and celebrate who we are, where we're going, and crash through our walls and fears once and for all.
For Nicky Young, a woman coming of age after being raised in a family battling alcoholism, in Shadow Heart, a Contemporary Romance Noel, she already feels like she is 35 going on 50 from all of the abandonment and broken promises she's experienced.
She has trouble grabbing and celebrating her youth, and instead has spent her young years trying to survive and get out of her house, always walking carefully and in soft slippers in her house, focusing completely on pursuing her education. But now a boy has caught her eye who seems to hint at a possible life that could be, if only she'd take a risk.
But risk taking is the ultimate fear.
Taking a risk means stepping out of the shadows of comfort.
Jumping off her cliff, the one she's been holding onto for years, the one we can all get trapped on, means giving up control, and that's the one thing she doesn't want to lose.
No longer can Nicky watch her father's rage, waiting to take them all with its broad stroke of hurt.
No longer can Nicky stand to see her mother withdraw into codependency.
She clings to her childhood friends, the ones she's known, the ones who are safe.
And even as she clings to the past, her future is ripping her hands off the safety of comfort and familiarity, pulling her into a transition. If only she'd embrace it, risk it, take a chance…even if she falls…she might find everything could change.
What can you change by taking a chance?
What does transition mean for you?
Won't you join the conversation? Shadow Heart, a love story, has been re-edited and retold, and is going to be given away free on Amazong 10/4 and 10/5. Fire Heart, Book 2 in the series is out, continuing the story of the slow reveal of intimacy when growing up facing a family battling addiction.
It changes you.
It freezes you.
It makes you afraid.
It forces you to transition.
If you can be vulnerable,
If you can trust,
You can find intimacy.
It's only then, by trusting yourself, your heart opens.
AND THAT, IS A TRANSITION FROM WHICH YOU'LL NEVER BE THE SAME.
Please sign up for our newsletter for freebies and new releases at www.PamelaTaeuffer.com or my Facebook page: Shadow Heart, A Love Story about Being Vulnerable.
