Marian Lindner's Blog

I recently saw the film, Life of Pi, and it reminded me how important it is to keep hope alive.
This process of finding love and success may take time; however, it is working. When we are alone, suffering, or butting our heads up against the wall one more time, we may lose hope that life can truly change for us. Whenever this happens, we must remember that we do not actually need to make things happen. All we need to do is take the next indicated actions and keep hope alive. This is what the protagonist in the film did, taking each day as if came--even while sharing a tiny life boat with a full grown Bengal tiger.

As in the movie, everything is working out for our highest good--even if we don't believe it or can't see it happening. When we face a new hurdle or need to learn a new skill, we may think, “I am just getting worse. I keep messing up.” What this really means is that we have reached a new level of challenge. We are actually getting better--evolving to a place where we can take on new difficulties. If we keep the faith and practice, we will learn new behaviors. Keeping our hope, trust, and faith in the process alive expedites our healing. With hope we cannot fail! Today I keep the faith that I am healing and moving on to greater love and success.

www.marianlindner.com

Recently I completed my second novel, Q, and I am noticing that my inner artist is loving life, and a bit adrift at the same time--searching for a new idea to put onto paper.

My first novel took many years to write; the second took a much shorter time--so I am eager to find a new direction to go in to keep the momentum going.

At the same time, I am enjoying the feelings of accomplishment at completing such a big project. It's almost like graduating from high school or college. I remember at those times a feeling of short-lived euphoria, and then asking myself, "What next?'

It's an adventure certainly and it reminds me of what it means to be a creative person in the world--the drive to express an idea--the desire to entertain and share with others.

I know a new idea is out there waiting for me to pluck its strands and weave it into a text. My artist can't wait. In the meantime, I am nurturing her with lots of new experiences, side trips, and exposure to nature. She loves that!

I am so grateful for all I have learned through the process of finishing my novels, especially since I can be of help to others who are writing their stories. Recently I have had the privilege of reading several new works by up-and-coming authors. It is a joy and honor to be present to their process and realize how much my experience can shine light on their work.

Viva Writing!

www.marianlindner.com

Recently I have been reading Julia Cameron's The Artists Way and was struck by her point that being in a bad relationship can block an artist. It seems like a no-brainer, but when thinking about this in context of loving an emotionally unavailable partner, the consequences to a creative artist seem very serious.

Loving someone who has no time for you, is hesitant in some way, loves someone else, or shuts down on an emotional level can really be time-consuming. We spend so much time trying to figure out the one we love that we don't get around to manifesting our dreams, our creative visions.

But the secret Julia Cameron points out is that we do this (consciously or unconsciously) because we are afraid to be creative, afraid to be big, afraid  to be a success, afraid to complete a project.

In many ways, this is the same dilemma I point out in my book: The Emotionally Available Partner. We choose people who are unavailable because we are afraid to be intimate. Intimacy is too scary, so the detour to being with someone who can't show up for us protects us from getting hurt. If we know from the get-go the person we are with can't 'go there' in a relationship, then there is no danger.

But Cameron is suggesting we also may use relationships with emotionally unavailable people to push away our creative dreams, goals, and aspirations.

This is a serious challenge and, more than ever, healing our relationship issues is important and valuable. It means everything, shifting our consciousness and helping us be our true selves in the world.

Choosing someone to love who is there for us, fulfills us, and gives us what we need is a gift that helps the world--allowing us to be creative, share our dreams and visions, to be big and visible, and to enjoy ourselves.

You deserve a rewarding creative life AND a partnership with an emotionally present person! Check out my website for more information: www.marianlindner.com

Every writer hears about the importance of social media, but it can feel overwhelming to start on a virtual book campaign to get your work attention. Writers can easily fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others. She has so many followers on Twitter, says one author. Or he has so many likes on Facebook. It can seem so daunting that many of us never want to start. But the importance of an author platform is something drilled into the head of every author and it is essential in today’s marketplace.

Publishing is changing and writer’s need to step up to the plate and let people know about the great work they are doing. Just remember, every well-known author started somewhere. And we can too. It’s just one step at a time, building a network. It’s great to be generous with other’s work too. Retweet something amazing another author wrote, comment on their blogs, like others on Facebook. Give support and kudos to the people you meet online.

Social media can be fun and friendly, and you owe it to yourself not to miss out on the
experience!

Every writer faces the challenge of writer's block from time to time. If you find yourself in this place, frustrated and stuck, you are in good
company.

It takes a lot of energy to be creative, and if we feel unsafe or uncomfortable for any reason, that can be a huge obstruction on the path to finishing a novel, short story, poem, or article. Also, if we are focused on the outcome - what will happen with our work - our creative flow can get jammed.

The truth is that creativity is a life-force energy that needs to recharge from time to time. Take a short break from your work, play with a pet, spend time in nature, or connect with a good friend. These are all great ways to revitalize the creative center.

Writer's Block will pass, but we need to be gentle with ourselves if we are experiencing this phenomena. And we need to listen to its message.

Being visible as an artist, creator, and/or entreprenuer can be scary - but it can also be liberating. And so I ask the question: What’s the worst that can happen when you put
yourself out there?

The answer varies, and many people tell me they worry that people won't like them, that they'll be rejected, that they'll be laughed at.

Here's a truth about this: Everyone gets rejected; that is simply a law of
nature. Remember that the person doing the rejecting is only working on limited information. Rejection  is not personal because it is based on so little—simply one person's
perceptions at that moment.

No one will laugh at you or dislike you if you take an action to put yourself out there. Most people are too concerned about their own lives and problems to give you and your endeavors a second thought.

So try being visible. Try to put yourself out there. Let people know about what you do and what services you offer. Tell them a great stroy. Entertain, educate, enjoy!

We each have something important to share with the world and we are not doing anyone any favors when we hide our light under a bushel. Put yourself out there today and experience how that feels. You just might like the results.

Valentine's Day is approaching fast and I always like to remember that it originally started because that was the day the birds began to pair. It wasn't a big deal, it was just an awareness that spring was on its way. Someone probably said, "Look at the birds. Isn't that iteresting?" Ultimately it wasn't any momentous occasion tied to people's relationship status.

But somehow, things have changed. What was once a casual observation has become a very commercialized holiday. In fact, in our society, there is so much emphasis, intensity, and longing thrown into the mix around Valentine's Day that it can become very overwhelming - whether you are in a partnership or not.

If you are with a partner, there are expectations about how you wish to be treated; and that can lead to disappointment. If you are not currently partnered, it can be a time to feel 'less than' or wonder why everyone else seems to be in a couple.

I think it's important to merge the two extremes as we approach Valentine's Day. It can be a holiday we choose to emphasize, and at the same time simply be an awareness that the earth is stirring and nature is heating up. It can be an amalgam, taking all the best and leaving out the hype that can make us feel pressure.

So think carefully about what you want to do this Valentine's Day. Do you want to spend time with someone special? Do you want to be alone with a good book, a hot bath, and lots of cnadles? Do you want to go to dinner? Do you want to be with friends and family?

Treat yourself special and you will be more able to treat the one you love the same way. We all deserve love - and we all deserve to enjoy Valentine's Day!

Find out more at www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com

One client of mine told me a story about how he learned a lesson the hard way when he neglected to take advice he had asked for. He was getting the message that the person he was dating was unresponsive (translation: unavailable) and he had to make a decision about going away with this person for a long weekend. As the departure date came closer, he was feeling more and more uncomfortable, because the person he was going with was slow to answer questions about the trip-or didn't get back to him at all. He started to wonder if going away for the weekend was a good idea. Finally, in desperation, he asked a trusted friend for advice.

But the answer he got from his friend was not what he wanted to hear: the friend advised him not to go away with this person for the weekend.

Now, it just so happened that this person the man was thinking of going away with was very attractive, successful, and alluring. And, in addition, for some reason the man was completely "hooked in" in ways he couldn't describe or understand. Ignoring his friend's advice, he decided to go on the trip with the person he fancied.

What ended up happening was that the person was very uncommunicative with the man, consistently sent mixed messages throughout the weekend, and ended up leaving the resort a day early.

My client told me later that he wished he had heeded his own internal signals telling him something was up with his travel partner, wished he had taken his friend's advice, and wished he didn't always have to learn the hard way in relationships.

If you are feeling at the end of your rope with a potential partner and need some advice, really think about whether or not you would be able to take it if it didn't match your desires. If not, you may want to check out my website www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com for more information.

You deserve a wonderful, fulfilling relationship with an emotionally available partner who is crazy about you. And that partner is waiting for you!

Do you worry about what other think of you and who you are dating/in a relationship with? So many people have fears of this nature. They worry they will be perceived as a “Cougar” or “Cradle Robber” if they date someone younger than them. They are concerned about what people will think if they want to date someone out of their faith or social class. They may feel attracted to someone who doesn’t fit into the traditional notions of what is “good looking.”
It’s normal to consider what other people will think of your partner, but many of us have let other people rule us. Often, this hasn’t worked out so well.
What I suggest is that you legalize all people. Make a decision that today all potential partners are legal for you.
Individuals have no charge. They are neither bad nor good. Whatever type of person you want is OK. All you have to do is stay in touch with yourself when you are with a potential partner.
The legalization process seems scary because many of us wish we could just have a rule book to follow; however, the rules are inside of us. Our internal knowing signals who it feels good to be with. Though it is scary, going through the legalization process makes it unnecessary for us to rebel, lose touch with our own signal, attempt to follow rules that dictate who we “should” be with, and run to those who can’t possibly be available. Legalization is the part of healing that moves us toward a wonderful person.
Today, practice—and worry less about what other people think!
www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com

Here Come the Holidays
We’re heading into a season that can bring up a mix of emotions for lots of people. The holidays are pretty “loaded.” Energy flies at this time of year. Everyone is in a hurry, trying to get their shopping done; it’s easy to get stressed out. And amid the hustle and bustle, many people get lonely. It’s darker earlier; it’s getting cold outside. It’s easy to feel left out, isolated, and hopeless, whatever your partnership status. If you’ve also had relationship challenges in the past at this time of year, the holidays may be a time you consider with trepidation. If you are in a relationship, you may have expectations of what should happen, you may want things to go your way, you may get disappointed, sulk, or pout with your partner. If you are single, you may feel alone, doomed, and hurt; or you may desperately search for a date. No matter what partnership situation you are in, the holiday season can trigger a mixture of feelings. But there is a different way to look at the holidays. If you take the time to re-conceptualize the next few months, you can envision the promise that this time of year presents. The holidays actually give you an opportunity to truly love. There is magic in this whirlwind, you just need to nurture it.If you are in a partnership, make the season special for your partner and for yourself by doing something out of the ordinary: taking in a play, going rock climbing together, or giving each other a massage. If you are single, plan some wonderful simple pleasure like dinner with friends, seeing that Hollywood blockbuster everyone is talking about, or relaxing in a luxurious bubble bath with a good book. (This is a great idea when holiday madness really hits. Even if you have to carve out the time—it’s worth it!) And it’s also important to remember that no matter what happens or what your status around partnership is, your bottom line can be -- Love Yourself. That’s the gift that will keep on giving.But don’t get me wrong. I know this is a tall order for lots of people during the next few months. Almost everyone has a holiday horror story or two, whether you are with someone or not. There are lots of ways challenges pop up at the holidays. People who are single may meet with comments about partnership status that can be very uncomfortable, like your tactless aunt who says, “Why don’t you ever bring a date when you come to see me?” or  the person one desk over who keeps hinting that they are free for the company party. You really can get it from every angle at this time of year, and that’s enough to make anyone say ‘Bah-Humbug.’ But if this is the case, plan your response to parents, relatives, co-workers, and even friends. Set your boundaries high and keep your expectations low. Remember that everyone is feeling holiday stress. If all else fails, just walk away! For people who are in partnerships, the holidays can also bring several juicy issues to the surface. Meeting your partner’s family, dealing with overzealous in-laws, handling family finances, trying to meet the needs of others, staying connected emotionally to the person in your life, and being present for yourself can present very real challenges. Instead of making another person play guessing games, state what you want in your relationship. Communicate, set boundaries, negotiate. If you need to be alone, take the space you need. If you need connection with other people, take the steps to get your needs met. Remember that you deserve to enjoy this season.Another suggestion if you are feeling really raw right now is to make a decision to celebrate YOURSELF. The holidays are a special time. Joy, elegance, flowers, cake, special music, and good friends can make you feel terrific and appreciated. Whatever is going on in your life during this wild time, you are a reason to celebrate. With gratitude for all the miracles you have in your life, enjoy yourself and know your worth.www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com