Renee' A. Lee's Blog

Before I start the story ef  u have sitn gense badwud tun back from now cah dahhh story yah isnt far di weak af heart......
So ef u know me like some people know me ... you know me have a deep seated love and appreciation for food and as I work for minimum wage at Golden Circle Plantation you know I have to tek the country bus to Coronation Market ..... Ok...... translation ...... A dung a Curry mi shop .... cah mi nuh know why mi must a gwaan officious suh .... bout Coronation Market

So we iz all know that in relationships two wrongs doh mek a right ... but when it come on to this scenario I just wanna know who wrong and who wronger ?

You eva just get up inna di mawning and leff you yaad fi guh rerk and have a gnawing sense that almshouse is afoot?

Sooooooo mi neva wah share this secret ennuh but it appears that I have a stalker. Nothing dangerous though man...... this is my assumption
He pours out his heart to me, he says he is trying to seduce me.I try my hardest not to but I can't help but laugh. Now you may think I am cruel to laugh but that is only because I haven't shared his lyrics.
Soooo on one early encounter he walked me down earnestly to tell me.
Suh yuh nah bus the ghetto yute ?
"You tv a show clear ennuh not even one rice grain".
He continued
" A you fi be mi yute dem step madda ennuh "...
After several months of similar advances i was walking by and he gestured to me, I brushed him off and continued on my way....
Hear di bwoy on the top of his voice " ohhhh suh you a style me and a last night you did a wear mi tear up tear up underpants".
Yo when mi tell you say people were passing out from laughter I am not joking.
Suh now him say him aguh get serious..
" Hey run whey the cartoon He-man and tek a real life powa ranger inna yuh life.
Hey yuh baddy trang ennuh, nuh suck suck bwoy cyah manage dat ennuh you need a Milo drinking champion boi.
Now him get drastic hear him to me
Yuh si how yah nah bus di ghetto yute..... Mi aguh tek you whey...... Breed yuh three time den let you guh and nuh mind non a di yute dem 
Now after dem courtship deh talk truth who woulda bus di ghetto yute

Yo mi say......... if you love guinep like I love guinep you can't pass a vendor without being tempted. 
To compound this issue some vendors frequently shout " taste and buy guinep" to lure you in even more.
Well mek I dash out a warning; there is such a thing as " taste and buy guinep etiquette". I is not joking rasta.
Soooo mi spot a vendor wid some niooce looking guinep and as I was about to chuck off inna di taste and buy offer when a oman shot pass mi yow.
 Mi was about fi handle har rash ennuh when the vendor knock all the vengeance outta mi.
The shubber oman grab a guinep bite the skin and started to suck the guinep, hear her to the vendor "dis sour man " and was about fi step off.
Jah Rastafari know say I don't know what trigger guh off inna di vendor head, mi only hear when she give out..  .....
Suh spit out di bloodclaat guinep nuh ..... Yah walk off and a suck it same way. A people like you crucified Jesus, by di time you done walk and suck ,no guinep seller nuh get Dolla from you bitch.......
Look yah man my appetite cutttttt same time.
Drop mic ..... Exit stage right 
Gentle people nuh suck it and nuh buy it ........ duhhhh nuh badda try it  I-ya-yi

 


Aight so for the past few months I have been assigned an area that is predominantly staffed by young men. Occasionally one and two females may swing by......  All in all the bunch of them are a set of savages.


One comes up to me and give out "Supe yuh eat nuff fude ennuh"

 Me: Is that a problem?
"Nah ennuh"

Mumbles while walking away" fi har man muss have two job"
Now you tell me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I get a call from my superior, who chewed me out about one of my subordinates.

I proceed to call said person into my office. While I wait for him to grace me with his presence I browse through my phone, the door opens and I hear when he clears his throat. 

I look up ....... dis boi a tek off him tie and a pull him button.

"Im like what the hell......."

Hear di outta order boi....... 
"OHHHHHHHH Snap my bad...... I like..... totally misinterpreted the call ......"

He pretends to be bashful..... holds his head down and sneaks a peek.

"Its just ....... you called my name so sexyyyyyyy"
Heng up ennuh .......... inna real life.

Next day rowdy discussion start all because a female stuck out her tongue; one nigga give out "see how your tongue long" .The female response "ye, fi suck mi man nipple". Hear di dirty boi " ye him third nipple" .
Drops mic .... Why I and I muss a be witness to di rehhhh yow


There is no remuneration that can compensate fi dem ting yah dawg....... cho bbc

 

Aight so for the past few months I have been assigned an area that is predominantly staffed by young men. Occasionally one and two females may swing by......  All in all the bunch of them are a set of savages.



One come to me and give out "Supe yuh eat nuff fude ennuh"
 Me: problem?
Mumbles while walking away" fi har man muss have two job"
Now you tell me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Next day rowdy discussion start all because a female stuck out her tongue; one nigga give out "see how your tongue long" .The female response "ye, fi suck mi man nipple". Hear di dirty boi " ye him third nipple" .
Drops mic .... Why I and I muss a be witness to di rehhhh yow

The truth is stranger than fiction and every damn time I say I have heard it all here comes a nigga to tell me some horse manure.
Now, being a professed Tom boy my male friends sometimes forget that I am indeed a girl. The crap they say around me crack me up as well as horrifies me.
Monday

K : 
Yo some Oman can gwaannie gwaaanie u see
Like dem betta dan fi have a side man. Yo unnuh know di goodness fi share.
Me: STFU retard, walks away.
Thursday 
K:

Yo mi feel conflicted, Mi meet a chick Monday an last nite when she a show me wat har mout do, mi find miself a think bout how much practice dah gyal ya muss get; and from how much adda man fi skill suh. Plus she have har man, yo yuh cyah find nuh loyal gyal again ennuh.
Me:Shouting STFU nuh fockn retard.
Worst than my friends are my subordinates
So I'm chilling at work listening to the juvez dem chat bout the situation that is their life.Background info di juvez dem in the department are between 17 and 25. So dem chatting up a storm.
As much life experience as they have combined, its enough to fill a teaspoon but who am I to judge rite?

B: yo mi feel like mi madda muss can mek 5g werk fi fude fi di month, wah unnuh think?

Me: face palm Wtf, So wat if ur girl come over ?
B: wah u mean supe cornflakes and chill.
Me: That's at least $1000, cornflakes and lasco expensive.
B: No supe cornflakes alone, we aguh eat it like popcorn.
Me: STFU kmdt 
O: All mi need fi get a sawt out dung a Backtu is a 108 digi phone card.
Me: STFU before me punch yuh in u damn mouth kmft.
T: mi like independent oman weh mi nuh haffi worry about giving them ma money bra.
Me: STFU before mi get smaddy fi frigg you up.
B: Yo mi neva know say when you invite a girl to watch movies a you supposed to pay. Mi invite the girl fi watch the movies and mi nuh see har a reach fi har purse. I was like shittttt wonder if mi haffi buy food too?
Me: STFU cho warra warra hit man a wah kinda man dem yah kmft.

The laborites are up in arms ....
The journey was long, the battle grueling but finally The Rt Hon Nose Holiness has made it to Jamaica House.
I hear drums beating in the distance as I lay in my sturdy bed.
Is that a marching band I hear?
Either damn way I do not care. I gwine still haffi post mi bahind to Golden Circle Plantation and chop my share of sugar cane in exchange for my monthly rations.
My blood is neither green nor orange and my loyalty lies with the few who can tolerate my quirks.
And so I continue on my journey as I always have.... diligently counting my pennies and memorizing my budget like a Bible verse hoping things get better but know shit could get worse.

So .... wage negotiations are done....... well at least it is for teachers and being immersed in the classroom now has given me additional perspective..... I will however internalize that thought fahhhh annuh everything good fi eat .......good fi talk .... ahoe.



No sah ...... off the bat I have to give a shout out to the teachers who have been at this for years and wake up everyday and hustle off to school ..... hahahaha woiiiiiii.

Mi sayyyyyyyyyy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dem pickney yah have some real horror stories being acted out in their brains. Mi want a remote wid a mute button.

Scene: 

Lesson well planned ...... teaching up a storm and a student ..... lets call him student x raises his hand  I acknowledge him, he stands and says Teacher, may I please share something important with the class. I said go ahead ..... swear inna mi bird brain say di bwoy aguh contribute to the blasted lesson ..... hear him, Teacher I was on the internet doing research for your class and I saw a picture of a man, he had painted two of his teeth blue, Teacher Lee would that be considered blue tooth or blue teeth, he proceeded to laugh out in the class until he had an asthma attack ........ drops duster and walks away.........

Scene: Test Week

Test is given to the class, I mark the papers ..... who comes to find me the very next morning to ask if he got 100........ the only boy to fail the test.... Puppa Jesus ...... continue to restrain me tongue Lord.


Scene

Class is in progress...... student stands and screams out ..... missssssssss mek blah blah blah tap look pon mi nuh........ Teacher why him yeye dem big suh..........
Me : boy what do you want me to do about blah blah yeye dem. 
Hear di bwoy ....... jam him inna dem teacher..... mi nah tell pon u ....... Prison wok dis ennuh ..... cho .....

Scene 

Me at school until after 5 marking papers 
student...... Teacher......u nah guh home to u husband ...... u good eeehhhh .....dah dah deeeeee

Scene

 Monday morning student walks up, Good morning teacher ...... mi glad fi si u ennuh, 
Me..... Why? blah blah 
student ...... Teacher mi madda say mi nuh fi stress har mi fi wait til Monday mi stress a teacher ......

Scene

Student:Teacher today Im gonna be a lesbian.....
 me ..... say what now ..... 
yes miss ...... teacher says we will be acting out the family and I dont want to pair with any of the boys ..... so today Im gonna be a lesbian ..........


Yes to Rasta Gaaage...... singing ......this is  the career that I chose.... this is the career that I chose.....