Raevyn Winchester's Blog

I must apologize to my readers. Zayden is taking so much longer to write than expected. I have a goal to have him published this year, but I won't promise he will be. It's my own fault as my depression and anxiety has put Zayden in the backseat (and not in a good way haha!). I also have some novellas for the guys I'd like to publish eventually. I'm working on it, I do promise you that! Hopefully soon! Much love!

Cheesy title, yes? Haha!

I’m obsessed with books …. anything book related really. I mean, if anyone mentions the word “book” my ears perk up like an excited dog who was just asked if they want to go for a walk. The world stops and I’m instantly intrigued. That’s good right? It’s a healthy obsession …. Ha Ha! I’m on my way to becoming a book hoarder.

I’m an author. I have three books published on Amazon. You should check them out! Seriously, get on it!

Anxiety for me is …

Time … There’s not enough time. I just want to stay in bed. I have no energy.

Check time. Begin to panic because there’s not enough.

I have exactly 45 minutes to take a shower, put on my makeup, and fix my hair. I must look perfect.

Get out of the shower. Check the time.

Put on makeup. Check the time.

Start fixing hair. Check the time. Blow dry. Check time. Straighten. Check time.

Time … time … time … time …

Leave for work and the thoughts start.

 

“You’re going to screw up today.”

“They think you’re stupid.”

“They’re going to fire you.”

“Don’t make this patient mad.”

“Smile. Smile. Smile. My face hurts.” My jaw hurts from me clenching my jaw.

“You asked a ridiculous question.”

“You’re worthless.”

“You don’t deserve this job.”

“Do I have enough money to make it until next pay?”

“You don’t deserve your friends or family.”

“Oh no, this patient is talking to me. Don’t say something stupid.”

“Oh my god I’m sweating again.”

“You’re fat and gross. People don’t like fat and gross people.”

“What if they hate me?”

“How will I pay our bills if I don’t have enough money?”

“How will I take care of my kids, husband, and pets?”

“Be happy and upbeat. You can’t let them see how horrible of a human being you are.”

End of the work day. Hurry out of the building and get to the car before anyone notices you. Go pick up the kids.

“You don’t deserve your kids.”

“Are they happy?”

“Are they okay?”

“Am I a horrible parent?”

“Am I doing things right?”

“You don’t deserve anything good that is in your life.”

Try to shake those thoughts out of my head.

One thing goes wrong. Freak out on the inside. Don’t let it show.

“Don’t screw up your kids.”

“Don’t let them see who you really are.”

“I’m not a good wife.”

“I’m a horrible mother.”

“I’ve failed as an author.”

“I’M A MONSTER”

Noise noise noise. I need quiet. I’m exhausted. Count down the hours, minutes, seconds until bedtime. I need sleep. I need to stop thinking. I need to check my calendar and make sure it’s right. Do I have everything listed that needs to be listed? Are the times right? Time.

Try to read or write. Give up. Mind is too clouded tonight. Take anxiety medication. Fall asleep. Wake up 2-3 times during the night making sure everything is still locked and everyone is okay.

Repeat.

This is a typical day for me. The constant worry and fear. The thoughts are different each day, but they’re there and they cripple me a little more each time. I need time to recharge at night and I finally get that time around 9pm. By then the exhaustion is so bad I can barely function anymore.

I’m not being over dramatic. I’m not faking it. I have learned to hide it well when I’m out in public. My mind races all the time. I can’t stop it. I have a panic attack at least once a week. I don’t know why I have anxiety. I wish I could stop it and be calm and not worry or fear anything all the time. But the truth is I can’t. I can’t stop it.

I need you to understand it.

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*Look at the photo* LOOK AT IT

This irks me so bad when people do this.

Do you know … I mean seriously … do you know how HARD it is to write 50,000+ words? Sometimes it flows out smoothly and other times I’ll have writer’s block so bad that I don’t write for MONTHS! MONTHS!! That’s a long ass time to not do something you truly love.

There’s been times where people have asked what I like to do and when I tell them I write books and I’ve published three of them so far they’re like, “Oh, cool.” Like it’s no big deal!

Come on! Seriously! I devoted many hours, days, nights, and went through sooooooooo much stress and anxiety to write these books and publish them!

So listen ….

Writers/Authors go through a lot when they write books. A lot of time, sweat, and money go into these pages that people take for granted.

So next time you’re talking to a writer show a bit more excitement because what they do IS a big deal! Or you could just blow it off like it’s nothing and be put in one of their books as the character that gets his or her ass kicked. The choice is up to you.

I’m sad to say that I don’t know when both of these books will be published. Financially I cannot do what needs to be done to get these books ready … and … the words aren’t flowing as easily as I want them to.

This is very upsetting for me as I now have to put my dream of publishing more on hold until I can afford it. I wish money wasn’t so hard to come by.

It pains me to say they might not be published until next year. *tears*

If I could do something about it I definitely would, but I refuse to ask for money from anyone. The waiting game sucks. That, I know for sure.

I must apologize to my readers for this wait you have to endure. Trust me, it’s hard on me too.

They’re free, they’re free, they’re free!! And who doesn’t like free books?! Today – Friday you can get my first three novels in my rock star series, Twisted Epiphany, for FREE! Thank you so much for your support and patience as I continue to work on books four and five! I promise I am working hard to finish the series (even though I’m not so sure I want it to end!)! I hope you enjoy reading about these sexy rockers as much as I enjoy writing about them! Also, please don’t forget to leave a review as it would mean the world to me! Thank you again and much love!

Zaryk

https://www.amazon.com/Zaryk-Book-One...

Zayne

https://www.amazon.com/Zayne-Book-Two...

Kreed

https://www.amazon.com/Kreed-Book-Thr...

Who doesn’t like free stuff?! Right?

Well, for this week, June 19 – June 23, all three of my published books will be FREE. Yep, you heard right! FREE! Grab your copies this week and dive into the world of Twisted Epiphany! These sexy rockers will keep you on your toes and wanting more, more, more!

Come meet the first three: Zaryk, Zayne, and Kreed. I am currently working on books four and five; Zayden and Deklan.

I just want to say THANK YOU to you all and I hope you enjoy these rockstars as much as I do!

Zaryk

https://www.amazon.com/Zaryk-Book-One...

Zayne

https://www.amazon.com/Zayne-Book-Two...

Kreed

https://www.amazon.com/Kreed-Book-Thr...

So yesterday my oldest graduated. Let me clarify … she graduated preschool. Preschool! Why am I being so emotional about this? It’s not like she’s eighteen and graduating high school for crying out loud!

Her preschool had a photographer come in and take pictures of the graduating students and now I have a photo of my five year old wearing a cap, gown, and holding a diploma. It was like taking a glimpse into the future. She looked so grown up, but so stinking adorable!

It made me realize she’s growing up way too fast and before I know it that cap and gown will be on a high school senior. I’m not gonna lie, I teared up when I saw that picture of her. I guess no matter how old she is she’ll still be my baby, but my gosh, can we slow time down a bit so it won’t happen so quickly?

Hide and seek is her favorite game …. until it turns deadly. In order to survive she must do as he says and play his version of the game. The one who survives wins the game. By the looks of things though, he hasn’t lost yet.

**********************************

“Please! Please stop!” I beg.

The candlelight makes the sharp blade of the knife gleam with excitement as he hovers it just above my fingertips. I try to move, but my wrists and ankles are bound tight to the chair I was forced in. Tears stream down my face as his dark blue eyes stare menacingly into mine.

“Shut up or I’ll cut these off,” he warns and lightly grazes the knife across my fingers.

My heart is beating heavy in my chest and I can barely breathe through the panic crawling through me. I’m going to die. This is how I’m going to die.

I am very excited about something! So so excited! I’ve decided to write a new book under a different genre, and under a different pen name.

So, my second pen name is Piper Thomas. There is a story behind it, and I’ll share it sometime. Just not now.