Ranulfo's Blog
March 19, 2023
The Golden Rhinoceros
K is crazy, and I’m crazy about her. I guess that’s love. Come to think of it, dear readers, I’m crazy too. So beware, this novel, which I shall rip out of my soul, might hold a mirror to my sickness inside. Riddled with conflict am I, and I must out this conflict on these poor virgin pages. But don’t you fret, I am a clown/philosopher, and I’ll try my best to make you laugh, cry, think, ponder, scare, depress, and transcend. I hope this novel will make a million bucks so that I can marry K because I don’t want a job, which is a definite drawback of married life. K, K, K, care you not for an impoverished author and the riches of his mind? No, O well, bumeroo. Now let the novel begin!
Once upon a time...a good beginning that...saves me from doing a lot of historical research...there lived a king and a queen, who ruled over a tinyish kingdom located somewhere between the North Pole and the South Pole. It was a peaceful kingdom, most likely because no one, including myself, the author, knew where it was, and thus no one invaded it. Until one day, two village idiots, Fart and Suck, decided in their discombobulated minds to overthrow the King and Queen...now what were their royal names...let me cogitate upon it...King Prawn and Queen Clytoris! The two first names that popped up in my head. I value the unconscious as I inhabit its realm most of the time, usually supine. In other words, food and sex are always on my mind.
That day was bright and sunny, with very little wind frolicking, but historically, it was a tempestuous day, one of those forked days that tore lives apart like brother from sister, husband from wife, friend from friend, and humanity from God.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BPRHHXTT
Once upon a time...a good beginning that...saves me from doing a lot of historical research...there lived a king and a queen, who ruled over a tinyish kingdom located somewhere between the North Pole and the South Pole. It was a peaceful kingdom, most likely because no one, including myself, the author, knew where it was, and thus no one invaded it. Until one day, two village idiots, Fart and Suck, decided in their discombobulated minds to overthrow the King and Queen...now what were their royal names...let me cogitate upon it...King Prawn and Queen Clytoris! The two first names that popped up in my head. I value the unconscious as I inhabit its realm most of the time, usually supine. In other words, food and sex are always on my mind.
That day was bright and sunny, with very little wind frolicking, but historically, it was a tempestuous day, one of those forked days that tore lives apart like brother from sister, husband from wife, friend from friend, and humanity from God.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BPRHHXTT
February 27, 2023
The Golden Rhinoceros
Check out my new novel The Golden Rhinoceros:
Two village idiots, Fart and Suck, try to overthrow the government. Being idiots, they fail. Nonetheless, King Prawn and Queen Clytoris go their separate ways inamicably (he bops her on the head).
It’s an epic battle of the sexes.
King Prawn wants to conquer the world with his army of (mostly) imbeciles. He battles Harry the vicious but lonely farmhouse, Mammon, a giant singing and dancing bottom, invades Hollywood with its vast cast of stars (Marilyn Monroe, the Marx Brothers, The Three Stooges, Fred Astaire, etc.), culminating in King Prawn getting an Oscar nomination.
Queen Clytoris wants to create a community to discuss issues. That doesn't work out well, so President Carol and her steroid pumped Amazon warriors get to kick butts (male).
Both a tale of power and love. Star-crossed, cross-eyed lovers - Virginia, the nymphomaniac who finds true love with a cat (actually a man dressed up as a cat), St Claire, the romantic binge-eating philosopher, and Prince Jotel, drunkard/existentialist playwright (author of Three Turds) and part time cat.
So who wins in power and love?
Or does Baby Adolf win it all?
Did you know God’s name is Darryl and a Filipino?
Why does King Prawn end up in a James Joyce novel?
Which fiction character kills the author?
A mad, bad, hilarious, romantic, anti-war, anti-peace, poetic, philosophical, subversive, irreverent, high and low falutin epic.
A satire on everything – politics, love, death, art, philosophy, Hollywood, religion, literature, and everything under the sun and beyond.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BPRHHXTT
Two village idiots, Fart and Suck, try to overthrow the government. Being idiots, they fail. Nonetheless, King Prawn and Queen Clytoris go their separate ways inamicably (he bops her on the head).
It’s an epic battle of the sexes.
King Prawn wants to conquer the world with his army of (mostly) imbeciles. He battles Harry the vicious but lonely farmhouse, Mammon, a giant singing and dancing bottom, invades Hollywood with its vast cast of stars (Marilyn Monroe, the Marx Brothers, The Three Stooges, Fred Astaire, etc.), culminating in King Prawn getting an Oscar nomination.
Queen Clytoris wants to create a community to discuss issues. That doesn't work out well, so President Carol and her steroid pumped Amazon warriors get to kick butts (male).
Both a tale of power and love. Star-crossed, cross-eyed lovers - Virginia, the nymphomaniac who finds true love with a cat (actually a man dressed up as a cat), St Claire, the romantic binge-eating philosopher, and Prince Jotel, drunkard/existentialist playwright (author of Three Turds) and part time cat.
So who wins in power and love?
Or does Baby Adolf win it all?
Did you know God’s name is Darryl and a Filipino?
Why does King Prawn end up in a James Joyce novel?
Which fiction character kills the author?
A mad, bad, hilarious, romantic, anti-war, anti-peace, poetic, philosophical, subversive, irreverent, high and low falutin epic.
A satire on everything – politics, love, death, art, philosophy, Hollywood, religion, literature, and everything under the sun and beyond.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BPRHHXTT
