Maike Marquez's Blog
October 20, 2014
About love
I’ve been thinking about love, and how do people think about it; and what they think that love is. And you could say that I’m crazy or that I am egotistical, but I don’t think they know what it is.
And don’t get me wrong ‘cos I believe that most of us know deep inside what real love is, but it’s hard for most of us not to be shallow…
It was only a couple weeks ago when a student came my way and told me that she really wanted me to talk about love to her and her classmates, and I didn’t know if I was about to break their hearts by tearing all the fairy tales and cheeky ideas apart; but I just started something like this:
I think that love is a really simple thing, but we like to make it complicated. I think that love is the highest emotion of all and that’s why it takes you high; but it’s quite different from “being in love”.
When you feel comfortable with someone, no matter if you’re doing something or not, if you’re wearing make-up or not, if you have money or not, if you smell good or not (but please try to smell good :D) and the other part feels the same way; I think you’ve found love.
Because love is about feeling good, happy, satisfied, amazed, amused and all the positive feelings you could come with. But it’s something that must come from within you and not from the outside, and that’s where we’re making the big mistake.
We are always thinking about finding “the right one” for us, instead of becoming “the right one”; we want to get love but why don’t we think about giving love? We want someone to love us, instead of wanting to love somebody. And it’s quite simple: we are selfish, and don’t judge me for saying that, you just have to think about it: we are always looking for that “something” that we think (thanks to media) we “need”, someone handsome/beautiful, intelligent/smart, rich/wealthy, with a nice body/fit and the list goes on and on… but, are we looking for that because we are (ourselves) all that or just because we like what we see and would like to have it?? Be honest with yourself and reply to this question:
If someone who doesn’t fit your idea of what’s ideal (physical appearance, status, intelligence, etc…) would be willing to love you with all his/her soul; would you give him/her a chance? Sad thing is that most humans won’t. But I bet that you claim for the other part to give you a chance in case you’re the one who doesn’t fit in the other’s expectations. And there’s nothing wrong with it, we’re humans and it’s natural but what’s wrong is that it hurts a lot of people out there; we’ve been raised with all those fairy tales and paperback novels that have painted “real love” as the most difficult thing to achieve so you know that: if it’s hard to get it, then it’s worthy!
But love doesn’t have to be hard or painful, in fact it’s the opposite way: it’s beautiful and it should be easy, so ‘til this point if you find yourself suffering because the one “you love” makes you cry I can tell you this: you might love him/her but it’s one sided love.
When someone loves you the last thing he/she wants is to make you cry, perhaps he/she could make you mad by pointing out the things you can’t do right (always in a respectful way if it’s love) but that’s what love does, love wants you to be the best you can be, and you might not like this but, if you find yourself with someone that all can do is clap his/her hands and says you’re always right even when you think you’re doing something wrong, it could be that: he/she is totally blinded by hormones and wants to celebrate everything you do or the worst position there is:
He/she wants you to fail because it would be amusing to see you suffering.
Either way, I don’t have to tell you that it isn’t love.
We’ve been trained to change the other, instead of changing ourselves; think about movies or novels… it’s all about finding someone totally different that could change us or who we could change and until then it’s all about tears and suffering, but when we’re finally done with the changes we’ve found “true love”; but that’s just fiction because they have to sell and make some controversy. Because it would be “too boring” to watch 2 people finding each other in this universe, and finding that they were made for each other just like that and there’s nothing else they want from the other part.
Think about it, it’s like the happy ending when the story just began… no tears? no fears? no impossible dream??? No way!!! Let’s put some suffering, so the audience gets some drama and we could see the effort.
Do you want to find real love? Do yourself a favor and save you, and the other “the drama”, and when you find “the right one” make sure you’re “the right one” for her/him too and every day of your life.
Understand that every day when you open your eyes the battle for conquering her/his heart begins, and there’s no way to go to bed until you’ve won the battle.
Understand that he/she is just perfect because is perfect for you and if he/she wants to make some changes about her/himself, it has to be because he/she wants to and not because you want to, and the same goes to you, if you’re going to change; it has to be because you want that to happen, and always look for the better.
So, to reply to my student that asked what do I think real love is?
I think that love is the most powerful, beautiful, amazing and amusing emotion that there is, if it’s not powerful, beautiful amazing and amusing and it doesn’t make you feel powerful, beautiful, amazing and amused then:
It is NOT love.
And don’t get me wrong ‘cos I believe that most of us know deep inside what real love is, but it’s hard for most of us not to be shallow…
It was only a couple weeks ago when a student came my way and told me that she really wanted me to talk about love to her and her classmates, and I didn’t know if I was about to break their hearts by tearing all the fairy tales and cheeky ideas apart; but I just started something like this:
I think that love is a really simple thing, but we like to make it complicated. I think that love is the highest emotion of all and that’s why it takes you high; but it’s quite different from “being in love”.
When you feel comfortable with someone, no matter if you’re doing something or not, if you’re wearing make-up or not, if you have money or not, if you smell good or not (but please try to smell good :D) and the other part feels the same way; I think you’ve found love.
Because love is about feeling good, happy, satisfied, amazed, amused and all the positive feelings you could come with. But it’s something that must come from within you and not from the outside, and that’s where we’re making the big mistake.
We are always thinking about finding “the right one” for us, instead of becoming “the right one”; we want to get love but why don’t we think about giving love? We want someone to love us, instead of wanting to love somebody. And it’s quite simple: we are selfish, and don’t judge me for saying that, you just have to think about it: we are always looking for that “something” that we think (thanks to media) we “need”, someone handsome/beautiful, intelligent/smart, rich/wealthy, with a nice body/fit and the list goes on and on… but, are we looking for that because we are (ourselves) all that or just because we like what we see and would like to have it?? Be honest with yourself and reply to this question:
If someone who doesn’t fit your idea of what’s ideal (physical appearance, status, intelligence, etc…) would be willing to love you with all his/her soul; would you give him/her a chance? Sad thing is that most humans won’t. But I bet that you claim for the other part to give you a chance in case you’re the one who doesn’t fit in the other’s expectations. And there’s nothing wrong with it, we’re humans and it’s natural but what’s wrong is that it hurts a lot of people out there; we’ve been raised with all those fairy tales and paperback novels that have painted “real love” as the most difficult thing to achieve so you know that: if it’s hard to get it, then it’s worthy!
But love doesn’t have to be hard or painful, in fact it’s the opposite way: it’s beautiful and it should be easy, so ‘til this point if you find yourself suffering because the one “you love” makes you cry I can tell you this: you might love him/her but it’s one sided love.
When someone loves you the last thing he/she wants is to make you cry, perhaps he/she could make you mad by pointing out the things you can’t do right (always in a respectful way if it’s love) but that’s what love does, love wants you to be the best you can be, and you might not like this but, if you find yourself with someone that all can do is clap his/her hands and says you’re always right even when you think you’re doing something wrong, it could be that: he/she is totally blinded by hormones and wants to celebrate everything you do or the worst position there is:
He/she wants you to fail because it would be amusing to see you suffering.
Either way, I don’t have to tell you that it isn’t love.
We’ve been trained to change the other, instead of changing ourselves; think about movies or novels… it’s all about finding someone totally different that could change us or who we could change and until then it’s all about tears and suffering, but when we’re finally done with the changes we’ve found “true love”; but that’s just fiction because they have to sell and make some controversy. Because it would be “too boring” to watch 2 people finding each other in this universe, and finding that they were made for each other just like that and there’s nothing else they want from the other part.
Think about it, it’s like the happy ending when the story just began… no tears? no fears? no impossible dream??? No way!!! Let’s put some suffering, so the audience gets some drama and we could see the effort.
Do you want to find real love? Do yourself a favor and save you, and the other “the drama”, and when you find “the right one” make sure you’re “the right one” for her/him too and every day of your life.
Understand that every day when you open your eyes the battle for conquering her/his heart begins, and there’s no way to go to bed until you’ve won the battle.
Understand that he/she is just perfect because is perfect for you and if he/she wants to make some changes about her/himself, it has to be because he/she wants to and not because you want to, and the same goes to you, if you’re going to change; it has to be because you want that to happen, and always look for the better.
So, to reply to my student that asked what do I think real love is?
I think that love is the most powerful, beautiful, amazing and amusing emotion that there is, if it’s not powerful, beautiful amazing and amusing and it doesn’t make you feel powerful, beautiful, amazing and amused then:
It is NOT love.
