Eva Darrows's Blog

Sunday, July 12th, 2pm

YA Author Panel featuring Trisha Leaver (THE SECRETS WE KEEP), Hillary Monahan/Eva Darrows (THE AWESOME), and Lauren Roy (THE FIRE CHILDREN), Lori Goldstein (BECOMING JINN), and Jen Brooks (IN A WORLD JUST RIGHT)

Toadstool Bookshop, Keene, New Hampshire

YA Author Panel followed by Q&A and a signing.

Thursday, July 16th, 1pm

YA Author Festival featuring twelve YA authors

Bourne Public Library, Bourne Ma

Thursday, July 16th, 6pm (Yes, two in one day!)

YA Slumber Party

Marstons Mills Library, Marstons Mills Ma

August

Brewster Bookstore, Date TBA

October Events Coming!

Available everywhere today!

Ten dollars brings you action! Romance! Giant Russian women! Chatty zombies! Inappropriate humor!  What more could you ask for?  (Except a whole heaping helping of class, but that’s for someone else’s book, I’m afraid.)

Kirkus and Publisher’s Weekly starred THE AWESOME because apparently they like jokes about pants parts, too (who knew?)

Many thanks to authors Chuck Wendig, Lili Saintcrow, and James A Moore who were good enough to read THE AWESOME and say nice, quotable things about it.  I didn’t even have to give them money or years of indentured servitude in return.  Many thanks to the family, friends, and readers who make slinging words onto paper worthwhile.

So go forth! Readify!  I dare you.

Indiebound * Barnes and Noble * Amazon

I don’t believe in virginity.  I mean, conceptually, I understand what it means–untouched, pure, unadulterated, unspoiled.  In women it’s historically been tied to the presence of a hymen.  In dudes, it’s “have you been inside a woman’s vagina, Y/N?” On the surface, virginity is a fairly uncomplicated thing, but the moment you scratch that surface, you start to uncover . . . stuff. Problematic stuff.

Girls often break their hymens doing innocuous things.  Sports in particular can deflower, but physical strain doesn’t have to be present for that little barrier to go the way of the dodo.  If the girl’s hymen is gone, is she still a virgin?
Penetration is confusing.  Does it specifically mean penis into vagina?  If so, does that mean manual stimulation with fingers or other objects doesn’t count?
What’s the deal with gay sex?  For above reasons of Other Things Inside in the case of lesbian sex, but if your definition of sex is penis in vagina, well, that doesn’t happen during any gay sex at all so can you go ahead and mess around with your own gender and still come out smelling like a Big Virginal Rose?
Are you still a virgin if no one’s penetrated you but you gave or received head?  In some ways putting someone’s genitals in your mouth is as intimate (arguably moreso) than intercourse itself?  So do you get to wear your purity ring if you’re offering beaners in the gym parking lot?

QUESTIONS!  I HAVE THEM!

Long has a woman’s value been tied to her purity.  In the days of dowry, if you weren’t untouched when you went to the marriage bed, you could be (and often would be) cast aside–either that or your actual dollar value would drop.  Dad got fifty less sheep because Tammy gave it up to the stablehand.  No hymen?  You’re out (even though these were the days of horseback riding and if anything is going to shatter a flimsy piece of skin it’d be repeated jostling.)  The bottom line was, if there was any question that the man marrying you couldn’t be the one to stake his genetic claim by being the only penis inside of you, well .  . . toss that chick, get another, preferably younger so there’s less chance for muddying the waters.  It didn’t matter that he had forty bastards and enough wang stank to level Europe.  SHE had to be his and his alone. Because she was, effectively, property.  His sex property.

Fun stuff, huh?

For about a trillion reasons I don’t have time to list and you don’t want to read, I’m not down with that perception.  When I see PURITY PURITY PURITY, I flinch because it hearkens back to a time when girls were deemed trash for their sexual choices.  Women were berated, beaten, and sometimes killed over The Virginity Unicorn, and in some parts of the world, still are.

“You save it for your husband because of _______ reason.”

Subtext:  you save it for the dude that owns you.

HEY WORLD, THREE HUNDRED YEARS AGO ARE CALLING AND THEY WANT THEIR SEXUAL MORALITY BACK.

Look, I fully acknowledge that some teenagers are going to pick purity (or some definition of purity, whether that’s just no vaginal sex or no oral sex or manual stimulation at all.)  They aren’t ready, they don’t feel a desire to explore their bodies or sex, they just aren’t into the scene, it’s a religious choice.  All the power to those teenagers for making those choices.  I simply hope they didn’t make those choices because some adult came in and told them they were weird or dirty or freakish for WANTING it, and I fear in a lot of cases, that’s exactly what happened.  “I don’t want my kid answering the call of their completely normal bodies, so I’ll just go ahead and make them feel bad about it and punish them when they disobey.”

The problem with that approach is that the kids are surrounded by other kids who are having sex, and while parents would like to pretend they control their children twenty four hours a day, they don’t.  A lot of other things are at play.  Peer pressure for one, hormones for two, and a perception of what romantic couples do for three.  Don’t underestimate curiosity and a love of all things that feel good either.  ALL of these things are working against the parent shaming their kid for wanting to do the nasty.  So what happens?  The kid often does it anyway but now feels compelled to hide it.  A dialogue that could have covered things like pregnancy, disease, verbal consent, and respecting your body and your partner is stymied because your kid fears talking to you about it.  So they go ahead and do it without the proper protection and without the emotional support of their parents.  Newsflash!  That’s when misinformation happens!  “Joan will give head but not go all the way so she’s fine now?”  You can still get herpes from oral, Joan, sorry about the lifelong sores.  Herpes is the gift that keeps on giving!

I wrote THE AWESOME because I wanted to approach sex as a shame-free rite of passage for a female protagonist. Janice talks to Maggie openly about sex, about the complications of sex, and about the need to respect yourself and your body.  She talks about things like pregnancy.  She talks about condoms and sexually transmitted diseases.  Maggie, meanwhile, experiences sex and all of its emotional pitfalls, because having sex is overwhelming sometimes, especially when you’re new at it.  Maggie’s afraid and curious and excited all at once, and that’s a lot for an adult to process, never mind a teenager.  Lucky for Maggie, she doesn’t have a disapproving shadow to contend with like so many other teenagers do.  The added slant of parental/social shame can and does heap onto a pile of already convoluted feelings regarding basic human anatomy.

Thanks for the hangups, Mom and Dad!  You’re peaches!

So yes.  I wrote a book that places the importance of virginity far below self respect.  I wrote a sex positive teen novel that doesn’t make a girl’s purity all that damned important in the vast scheme of things.  THE AWESOME treats virginity as a magical thing (vampires can smell purity) because I don’t buy into the myth of virginity.  I don’t see untouched flesh as a marker of a person’s worth.  I put far more stock in self-love and intelligent choices for the body.  If that means I wrote a problematic teen novel?  So be it. I wrote a problematic teen novel.  I’m okay with that.  I stand by the choice and hope other do, too.

I love lipstick.  I have no idea what it is, but of all of my makeup, a good lipstick can make my whole face.  And day, if I’m being honest.  I have a lot of brands and formulas, some I slant toward more than others.  For example, I prefer an actual lipstick formula over glosses because I have long hair and glosses + long hair = sloppy mess and WHY IS IT IN MY EYE.  I’m also dry like a lizard, so liquid formula lipsticks tend to turn my mouth into two slabs of shriveled jerky. UNATTRACTIVE.

At any rate, I have my favorites, and as of right now, this day in . . . May, 2015?  These are ten of my favorites.  I won’t say they are my all time favorites because it’ll change in an hour, but you catch me.  I love these products.  I recommend them and think other humans might do the same.

Onward!

URBAN DECAY REVOLUTION HIGH-COLOR LIPGLOSS

So I say almost right off I don’t love glosses and yet my first pick is a gloss.  Go figure.  Maybe I’m drunk (or maybe it’s Maybelline.)  Nah, it’s actually because this is the least gloss-like gloss I’ve ever had.  It’s smooth, thick like a lipstick, and it doesn’t budge.  The color payoff is intense.  I picked Big Bang for the fuchsia micro glitter because really, whose life isn’t made better by fuchsia micro glitter?  The thing that’s interesting about the glitter is you see it in the tube but it’s not chunky or gunky on the lips nor can you really see it unless you’re so up close to the other person, you’re going to get maced.  I -love- this stuff.  $22

TOO FACED’S MELTED LIPSTICK

And I promptly go straight into a liquid lipstick after bitching about them being drying in my intro.  I’m batting a thousand so far.  However, this formula made my list because it’s smooth and silky and non-drying.  And look at that color?  It’s such a gorgeous, shiny peach (this is TuTu from the metallic line.)  Speaking of which, I like both the metallic formula and the regular formula about equally.  The pigmentation is insane, the feeling on the lips is divine.  Only thing about Melted lippies is you need a lipliner or it will get messy–like you just did lewd things with a clown messy. Less is more, people.  Less is more.  $21

MAKE UP FOR EVER’S ROUGE ARTIST INTENSE LIPSTICK

One complaint I have about Make Up For Ever’s products is their lack of names.  This is #13 and me telling you that communicates absolutely nothing about the color.  It’s described as a pearly plum when you hover over it on the Sephora site, and that is correct, but I personally find the numbering system Meh.  However, the formula is great and just like every other Make Up For Ever product, the selection is overwhelming.  There’s SO MUCH to choose from.  It’s dryer than a lot of lipsticks but it’s not TOO dry if you know what I mean.  It sticks to the lip well and the glitter isn’t overpowering (which is funny–when you look at this particular shade in the tube, it’s very glittery and yet it all but disappears post application.) Weird.  Pretty, but weird. $20

GERARD COSMETICS LIPSTICK

This is quite possibly my favorite lipstick in my collection right now.  It’s the color–Berry Smoothie.  Whereas the Make Up For Ever lippy is plummy, this is a pink with a nude undertone to it.  I’m pretty sure anyone could wear it and look great.  No glitter at all, it’s a satin formula that feels thick and creamy on the lips.  I’ve since purchased two other Gerard lipsticks because I like the quality (1995 and Buttercup, which I believe were Jaclyn Hill designed formulas.) I’ve been very, very satisfied with this brand and can see myself scooping up their Rodeo Drive shade in the future because LOOK AT IT IT’S SO PRETTY AND I THINK I HAVE A LIPSTICK PROBLEM.  $19.

LUSH LIPS

I like a lot of Lush bath products so it was only natural that I’d scoop up part of their color line at some point.  To be honest, I don’t care for their liquid eyeliner.  The formula is uneven and eyeliner is a precise application thing unless you’re using a pencil.  HOWEVER, their lipstick is great.  Pigmented, smooth as silk, this comes in an adorable bottle with a doe-foot applicator.  This is another example of the color selling me on the product–this is Bubbly which, on the website looks peachy, but in person is very pink with a hint of peach.  It’s a lovely, understated color and perfect for daytime, spring looks.  $18.95

KAT VON D’S STUDDED KISS LIPSTICK

Wolvesmouth is one of my “signature colors.”  It’s a glittery wine that’s fantastic for me in the fall and winter when I am at my palest (which is radioactively pale, by the way.  I glow like a second moon.)  The thing about this lipstick is, for all its lovely pigmentation and a FANTASTIC color line, the cap never stays on the goddamned tube and you need to swipe a couple of times so the formula doesn’t come out splotchy.  It’s more drying than other lipsticks, too, and that’s a turn off.  However, the color offerings are so strong, I suck it up.  The shade Adora (red with gold glitter) is one of the prettiest things I have ever seen and I go out of my way to warm up my makeup so I can get way with wearing it even though it’s generally not my jam.  If you want funky, interesting colors with gorgeous sheens, this line is for you, but as I said, there are a few setbacks that might make you want to look elsewhere. $21

MAC COSMETICS LIPSTICK

Not a lot of people can get away with MAC’S Heroine shade.  For once, my nearly-dead pallor behooves me because I can do intense violets without looking terribad and this is my favorite violet.  This shade is lovely on people who are either very, very fair OR for those with darker skin tones.  If you’re somewhere in the middle, you probably want to test it before buying it.  It’s vibrant, the pigmentation intense, and it’s extremely matte which I prefer in a color like this.  The purple is garish enough without adding sheens or sparkles to an already arresting lip.  MAC makes good lip products, period.  They have a trillion colors and a variety of finishes.  Some of their line are nigh legendary in the makeup circles (see Angel and Ruby Woo.)  You can’t go wrong with their stuff, and with stores pretty much everywhere, you can get in to test your shades before purchasing.  Highly recommended.  $16

URBAN DECAY REVOLUTION LIPSTICK

Urban Decay has a few great red shades.  The one shown here is from their limited edition Pulp Fiction line and it’s called Mrs. Mia Wallace, but I also have Gash and F-Bomb, which are lovely reds in their own right.  I can’t really say enough nice things about the UD lipstick formula.  Yes, it’s pricey, but it’s glossy and smooth and it just feels wonderful on.  The color payout is extreme.  I’d almost call this a satin formula by and large, and I strongly advise using lipliner to keep everything in place before you apply.  It’s so buttery itt slants slippery, but it’s super moisturizing and will cling to your face for HOURS without needing touch ups.  A winner.  An expensive winner, but a winner all the same.  (Seriously, who needs to eat when there’s lipstick to buy?)  $22

ANASTASIA OF BEVERLY HILLS LIQUID LIPSTICK

Warm coral pink is an in color this year for the spring and summer and I am all over it.  This is Carina in the Anastasia Beverly Hills Liquid Lipstick line and it’s absolutely gorgeous.  It’s hard to do the color justice; there’s a tiny hint of orange but it is, by and large, a vibrant pink that manages to avoid being bubblegum or neon. It brightens the face and just looks . . . well.  Summery, I guess.  I found out the hard way (meaning I bought both colors by accident) that Carina and KVD’s liquid lipstick in Berlin are almost exactly the same color, so if you have a brand preference, you can go either way.  I find the Anastasia liquid less drying, but the lasting power of the KVD lipstick is greater.  It’s a trade off.  $20

NYX BUTTER LIPSTICK

So I’ve mentioned a trillion times before that dryness is a thing for me.  When I am at my scaliest, I always ALWAYS ALWAYS reach for NYX Butter lippies (color shown is Fizzies–a pink with a peach tint.)  They are like lipstick and gloss did the nasty and made a baby.  They have the smooth, glide-on feel of the gloss but apply like the lipstick which lets me avoid getting my hair in it and making a mess on my face.  Frankly, NYX lippies are really strong and I feel like you can get a lot of the premiere brand quality for a drugstore price.  I like the mattes (there’s a color called Tea Rose that’s incredibly pretty) and all of the round case formulas are gorgeous.  I’d avoid the Wicked Lippies–the colors are too sheer to carry off such bold shades–but you can’t really go wrong with any of the other products at this price point.  $6

Lots of (maybe all) hardcore makeup people know about Makeup Geek.  However, people who buy drugstore cosmetics might have missed out on this amazing brand and that’s a bloody shame.  If you’re buying eye makeup or brushes from a drug store, you can get premiere quality makeup product . .  for the drugstore cost.  You need to do this thing, guys.  Seriously.

BUT HOW DO I MAKEUP GEEK?

First you go to that website and find the Makeup Geek brand eyeshadows.  Then you see all the pretty colors and ogle them like a creepy voyeur.  Then you notice, “Holy crap, these are only $5.99.  That’s cheap.  Why’s it so cheap?  It must be gross quality.”

/buzzer sound

Wrong!  The reason it’s so cheap is there’s no packaging.  As in you literally receive the little pan of makeup in a circular disk with no compact or holder.  “So what do I do about this?”  You go forth and buy a Z Palette to put them in.  Like so:

The large black palette will hold twenty eyeshadows and you can get it for twenty bucks. You can get a smaller pan which will hold a modest nine shadows for $14.99 (I use this for travel a lot.)  The pans stick to the palette because the palette is magnetized and magnets + metal pans = win.

(The following is funny, but NSFW.)

ANYWAY.  Yes, the Z Palette is a one time investment but it’s worth it considering how cheap the makeup itself is.

HOW DOES THE PRODUCT COMPARE TO OTHER BRANDS?

Very, VERY well.  In fact, I’d say Makeup Geek is on par with Urban Decay or MAC, both of which sell for twenty dollars per pan.  The formulas are soft and buttery and blend well.  They’re long lasting, too.  There’s fallout with some of the matte shades, but that doesn’t phase me because the color payoff is that good.  Use a fluffy brush/fan brush under your eye after application to sweep the excess product away and you’re good to go.  (I actually compared the texture of the mattes to Lorac, who is known for their silky formula.)

THIS SOUNDS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.

I know, right?  But here’s some proof!

One swipe of my finger per pan.  One quick swipe of my finger through the product then smeared on the backs of my hands and that’s how good the color is.  This was not me digging in and reapplying.  Now, in the interest of full disclosure, some of these shades are part of the Foiled Collection, which are $9.99 per pan, but still a great price when you compare them to any single pan Sephora brand.

WHAT’S THAT BIG ROUND THING IN THE BOTTOM RIGHT OF THE PALETTE PICTURE?

That’d be a Makeup Geek blush (shade shown is Romance!)  The blushes have the same fantastic pigment as the shadows and are only $9.99 per pan.  Again, no compact so you need a Z Palette. You may also note that Makeup Geek has its own brand of gel eyeliners (phenomenal for $8.99) and makeup brushes which are cost effective ($7.99 – $17.99) and WONDERFUL quality.  (And because they’re cost effective and wonderful quality, are often sold out.  My one gripe.)

SO WHAT YOU’RE SAYING IS I SHOULD DO THIS THING.

Yes.  Yes, that is exactly what I’m saying.  Or I’ll make this face at you.

If you’re here you may have heard about a book called THE AWESOME. I affectionately call it my National Lampoon’s Feminist novel.  Other people, like Kirkus and Publisher’s Weekly, had much smarter things to say about it.  They were even nice things.  THANKS, GUYS!

Anyway, if you’re here because of my book, thanks. If you wandered here for other reasons–cool! And welcome.

In celebration of my UK release of THE AWESOME (which is coming 5/7), I’m attaching some paragraphs of a project that is, tentatively, at this time called THE AWESOMER.

For obvious reasons.

Thanks for swinging by and happy reading!

CHAPTER ONE

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

CHAPTER TWO

There are some obvious benefits to being psychic. For one, you always know when your boyfriend is thinking about your boobs (answer: often.) For two, you know that when the clerk at the grocery store says “Have a nice day” she actually means “Eat shit and die.”

Unfortunately, you also know things like Mom’s vampire hump buddy–also known as my vampire master Jeff–has an enormous wang, and oh-by-the-way, her period was late and HEY AREN’T HALF VAMPIRE BABIES TOTES UNCOOL?!

Yes, Mom. They’re totes uncool.

She hadn’t actually mentioned her delicate condition yet, and after the accidental discovery that Jeff’s wiener made ponies feel inadequate, I tended to avoid barging into her head space. But she must have been thinking REALLY hard about her potential chompy womb goblin because it slipped into my head as clearly as if she’d said it aloud.

I still plan to update my reviews page at some point, but until then, I wanted to do a post about my 2014 makeup favorites and not-so-favorites.  I have a rather LARGE collection of products so maybe this will help you make some informed purchasing decisions.

DISCLOSURE:  I don’t have any formal training.  I’m a product enthusiast who slathers paints on her face for fun in the confines of a dark room.  If you want a professional opinion, look elsewhere.  This is a space for MAKE HILLARY FACETIME HAPPY PANTS YAY.

That said, let’s do this!

FOUNDATION:

BEST:  This one is a no brainer.  My biggest surprise of the year–my best foundation buy of the year?–Shiseido’s UV Protective Liquid Foundation. Probably the best thirty-six bucks I spent on makeup in 2014. Admittedly, I was taken aback when I opened it. When you pick up the bottle, there’s a rattling noise. They’ve got a ball inside to keep the formula from turning into sediment.  Alarming!  Spray paint anyone?  And when the formula came OUT of the bottle, it was as thin as water.  I figured this was a complete no-go until I actually put it on my face.  Super pigmented, great coverage, and you use A TINY bit of formula.  Like, so miniscule I think I use maybe a dollop the size of a pencil eraser to do my whole face.  I don’t dig the sponge they provide, so I use my Beauty Blender or my Sigma F80 flat kabuki brush to stipple it on, but holy crap do I love this stuff.  Such perfect skin without any cake, without clinging to my (many) dry patches.  It’s also waterproof (tested, yes it works) and SPF 42.  This is a flawless product and I’m happy pushing it on to anyone.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT:  Stila’s Stay All Day Foundation and Concealer.  Man, I love a lot of Stila products, but holy cow did this one fall short for me.  First off, they provide you with a spatula to apply it.  That should have told me everything I needed to know about the product.  This isn’t a liquid foundation so much as flesh-colored Spackle, and much like Spackle, you slap it on and smear it until you cover up the potholes.  Great for walls, but very unappealing on your face.  You LOOK made up.  I guess if you really want that Full Makeup Look this might work for you, but uhh.  Well.  The Full Makeup Look generally looks like shit on people so I might be judging your life decisions right now.

CONCEALER:

BEST:  Mac’s Mineralize Concealer, hands down.  Concealer is often thick due to its function–you’re covering up the uggo parts of your face so the stuff needs to apply like paint.  Because of that, a lot of concealers will find a dry patch on your face and hang out, like “HEY GIRLFRIEND.  WUSSUP WITH YOUR LIZARD BITS.  LET’S CALL UNCOMFORTABLE ATTENTION TO THE FACT THAT YOU’RE EFFECTIVELY MOLTING.”  Not this stuff.  Hyper moisturizing, a smooth formula, it blends beautifully.  Everything I wanted in a concealer.  Would buy again.  10/10.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT:  Kat Von D’s Lock-It Tattoo Concealer.  I did a mini-writeup of the Smashbox concealer complaining that it covered your gross bits but it didn’t BLEND well.  This one blends well but doesn’t cover.  Buildable, people say, but not without A LOT of product and I frankly don’t want to have to hose my face down in anything to get it to work.  Not for me.  Moving on.

HIGHLIGHTER:

BEST:  I have two–one gives a gold sparkle, the other pink.  The first is Josie Maran’s Argan Illuminzer. It gives you a hint of gold without making you look like you poured liquid bling all over your face.  It captures the light, warms up the face, and avoids being overly sparkly.  Other highlighters look TOO shiny, but not this one.  For a pink shade, I’m sticking with Benefit’s High Beam.  I wear a lot of cool looks because, you know, I’m a cool and the gold can look off with that, especially if I’m wearing pink or berry shades.  This does the job nicely, though I frankly dislike the application.  It’s effectively a nail polish; the brush is nestled in the cap and you’re supposed to paint it directly onto your face.  I like to control which brush I use to slap on the war paint, and this takes that choice away from me whereas the Josie Maran product is a pump.  So.  That’s a negative, but the product itself is solid.

NOTE:  Stila makes a nice highlighting product, but again, it’s that nail polish application THING and I’m not a fan.  I’ve just ordered Becca’s Shimmering Skin Perfector in white pearl in hopes of finding a highlight that will satisfy me for both warm and cool looks.   From everything I’ve heard/read, this may be my go-to product.  We shall see.

PRIMER:

BEST:  Smashbox Iconic Photo Finish Foundation Primer.  There’s a reason it’s one of the best selling primers out there.  You put this on your skin, it feels like kittens.  KITTENS ON YOUR FACE.  KITTENS EVERYWHERE.  It smooths, it perfects, it makes foundation stick forever and ever.  There are various formulas to address all your skincare needs.  Sure, this is gel silicon and your skin can’t breathe, but WHO CARES WHEN YOU LOOK THIS GOOD.  (And you do look good.  You put this on sans foundation and you can see the difference.  It’s pretty amazing.)

NOTE:  I tried the Hourglass Veil Mineral Primer which is more expensive than the Smashbox and found it did . . . pretty much the exact same thing.  Really nice product but I’m not noticing a twenty dollar difference between the two primers, so why spend the extra cashola on the Hourglass?

BRONZER:

BEGRUDGING BEST:  Hoola by Benefit is still my reigning champion for pigmentation, shade (it’s not too orange), and quality of product, but it suffers from the same thing a lot of Benefit products do:  cute yet totally shoddy packaging.  At first, the cardboard box made me D’AWWW.  I mean, look at it:

It’s a flip-top cardboard box with an adorable (and useless–far too soft for a precision job like contouring) brush inside! HOWEVER. When cardboard is inside of your makeup collection and rubbing against a bunch of products THAT AREN’T cardboard, it starts to look nasty pretty quickly.  Color wears off the packaging, there are dings where there had been no dings before, and really, there’s not a lot of protection for the twenty-eight dollar guts.  I have a similarly packaged blush by Benefit where the mirror in the lid spiderweb-cracked when I shuffled products around.  NOT RISKING GLASS IN MY BLUSH, BENEFIT.  Sure, I don’t get makeup for the box alone, but would it hurt to have a hard-case so my purchase doesn’t look like it got pranced on by a tribe of makeup hobos?

NOTE:  I have heard NUMEROUS good thing about NYX’s Powder Blush in Taupe as a bronzer.  As NYX is one of my favorite drugstore brands, I plan to pick it up (and at five bucks, why not?  I’m all for saving cash when I can.)  It’s supposedly a totally cool shade of brown so it doesn’t go Oompa Loompa on your ass when you’re applying it.  I’ve had no luck getting my grubby paws on it on my Ulta trips, so I may just have to suck it up and order it online.

LOOSE POWDER:  

BEST:  Ahem.

And by this I mean stand by my powder.  Under eight bucks, totally smooths out your complexion, I really don’t know if I’ll ever stray from Coty’s Airspun Powder.  Yes, if you use too much of it, it looks Bozo-esque, but the simple answer there is APPLY POWDER.  PROCURE FLUFFY BRUSH.  USE FLUFFY BRUSH ALL OVER YOUR FACE AND EVICT EIGHTY PERCENT OF POWDER.  VICTORY THROUGH MIGHT.  This perfects my skin and sets my makeup.  That’s all it has to do.

NOTE:  After watching a Lisa Eldridge video, I did go buy me some Laura Mercier Translucent Loose Setting Powder and it really is a lovely product.  Finely milled, it wears nicely, and it’s very hard to see on the skin.  I tend to use this for daytime looks and spring/summer skin while the Coty is better suited for night or fall/winter looks because it’s more mattifying.  It really comes down to what you want from your powder.  If you want a product that’s going to perfect more and eliminate all shine, go for Coty.  If you want a more natural look?  Laura Mercier is a great alternative, but it’s not cheap at thirty-eight bucks.

PRESSED POWDER:

BEST:  Forty five dollar price tag for this product, but in this case it’s totally worth it because A) it’s THE BALLS (in a good way) and B) you don’t use a ton so you’ll have it for a long time. Hourglass’s Ambient Lighting Powder.  I wear Diffused Light with every makeup application.  The powder itself is perfectly milled.  It’s soft.  It’s shimmery.  It actually makes you take better pictures because it softens how light strikes your face.  That’s its JOB.  It’s like a Photoshop touch-up for your face without the Photoshop needed, you get me?

BLUSH:

BEST:  “It’s going to be Orgasm by Nars.  It’s always Orgasm by Nars.”  While Nars makes a GORGEOUS product (just the right shade of peachy pink, a dash of shimmer, and it seriously looks good on everyone),  it is not my pick of the year.  Nope, that’d go to Milani’s Baked Blush in color Luminoso.  Oh. My. God.  It’s under nine dollars, the pigmentation is unreal, and the color.  Can we talk about the color?  LOOK AT IT.

It’s perfect.  It walks that line between pink and peach so it’s flattering on everyone.  A little bit goes a long way.  There’s a dash of sparkle.  Sound similar to what I said about the thirty dollar Nars product?  That’s because it reminds me of it and it’s a fraction of the cost.  Sure, it’s cheap plastic packaging, but I don’t CARE.  The product is so good that I can overlook the exterior flimsiness.

NOTE:  I finally sucked it up and bought a Tarte Amazonian Clay Blush because People Said I Should.  I’ve not had a ton of success with Tarte products beyond their Maracuja Oil (which is fantastic), but I have to admit I really do like this product. I think part of it is the color I chose.  Peaceful is a nude peach, subtle, that’s quite natural looking on the skin.  I’m still questioning if it FEELS like a thirty dollar blush, and I’m a little dubious, but I can say there are really no downsides to the product beyond the price tag.  I’ve just ordered my first Makeup Geek Blush for ten bucks after seeing various positive reviews, and while you have to purchase a Z Palette to hold the colors, I don’t mind that at all.

ANOTHER NOTE:  if you don’t like powder blush and would prefer something in a liquid or gel, you still can’t really beat Josie Maran’s Coconut Watercolor Cheek Gelee for twenty-two dollars.  Lots of pigmentation without being splotchy, blends beautifully, and feels soft on the skin.

EYESHADOW PALETTE(S):  

MOST USED:  I’m not saying BEST because I have a few that are fantastic, but this was my go-to travel palette for all my book touring this year.  It had everything I needed.  Too Faced’s The Return of Sexy.  Why this palette?  A few reasons.  The first is I just USE those colors the most.  A nice selection of golds and neutrals (though the actual gold shade is so soft it crumbles if you’re not careful), rose/purples, and silvers?  Yes, please.  These are Hillary Colors and the pigmentation was fantastic.  The formula is creamy and applies well, though you will want to use a primer with it but I think that goes without saying for most shadows these days.  I didn’t care much for the eyeliner included, but that wasn’t what I bought it for so I didn’t care.  This is a solid palette that’ll serve all your day needs (unless you prefer mattes in which case this palette is NOT for you and hie-thee to Urban Decay’s Naked Basics Palette.)

MOST FUN:  Urban Decay’s Electric Pressed Pigment palette is not for the faint of heart, but man, with a little bit of practice and a lot of guts, this palette is A BLAST.  You can do anything with it, including make yourself look like Rainbow Bright and David Bowie’s lovechild, but hey, live a little.  I saw so many cool color combinations with this thing and copied a whole bunch of looks.  I’m particularly fond of the blue and purple shades.  The pigmentation was fantastic, the selection is good, and hey, who cares if the red tones didn’t pass FDA inspection.  WHAT’S A LITTLE POISON BETWEEN FRIENDS, URBAN DECAY?

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT:  Oh, Kat Von D.  You make me so sad.  So, A Tale of Two Palettes.  Last year’s HOLY GRAIL CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT palette was KVD’s Book of Shadows.  Because reasons:

Twenty-four great reasons.  So pretty, such great pigmentation.  They were soft.  They applied well.  It was pretty much the only palette I needed for anything.  Because of that, I traveled with it to the west coast last summer.  Long story short, either I got really drunk or I’m just stupid because I left the palette at a Holiday Inn.  Some hotel employee has fabulous eyes and I do not because this was a 2013 limited edition and screw you, hotel employee.  I want my palette back.

When the 2014 palette was announced I got really excited!  Because maybe lightning DOES strike twice.  The lightning is a lie, people.  It’s a huge lie.

Look, the warm shades are great, KVD, but there’s something about the color combo that does nothing for me.  I didn’t even buy the Star Studded Palette UNTIL it went on half-off clearance at Sephora and when I got it?  Meh.  Most of the shades have decent pigmentation, but the one I really gave a crap about (Gothica, that purple on the fourth row, third over) had zero pigment and fell apart upon contact with the brush.  Like, it’s actually unwearable.  The shadows are a bit powdery (not something I had to worry about last year) and for a cool skinned girl, this wasn’t a good fit.  I handed it over to my Most Blond Friend when she visited because this will look amazeballs on her, but for me?  A total dud.  So disappointing after last year’s offering.

EYESHADOW SINGLES:

Best:  I really do love Mac and Urban Decay eye products, but they got trumped this year by a product that’s a fraction of the cost with equal pigmentation.  Hello, Makeup Geek!  Six bucks (ten if you want the foiled collection), these are absolutely unbeatable.  Again, these products show up in the metal pans only so you have to purchase a Z Palette to store them, but IT’S TOTALLY WORTH IT since one Z palette holds twenty or so shadows.  Makeup Geek shadows are creamy, pigmented enough I don’t need a primer for most of them (though I still use it), and the color selection is godly.  Why pay specialty makeup store prices when you can get specialty store quality for six bucks?  Answer:  you don’t.

EYELINER:

Pencil Best:  I’m probably always going to slant towards Urban Decay’s 24/7 Glide-On Eye Pencil.  The liners have excellent staying power, there’s a trillion colors to choose from including a purple brown that’s amazing for brown-eyed girls in particular (Hello, Rockstar), and UD has the darkest black eye pencil I’ve seen with Perversion.  Like, it’s center of a black hole black which is great for waterlines, tightlinging, and general smokiness.  UD pencils blend well, too, so if you need to soften them, they’ll work with you.  Yeah, twenty bucks is steep, but how many eyeliners do you actually WEAR?

Liquid Best:  Stila’s Stay All Day Waterproof Liquid Eye Liner, hands down.  Frankly, the formula isn’t what makes this the best because A LOT of the high-end liquid liners have similar features (and by and large, it’s hard to screw up black.  Let’s be honest.)  The thing that makes the Stila product work for me is the applicator.  It’s firmer, finer, but also manages to be workably flexible.  I’ve tried two or three other liquid liners and their applicators are either too fat, too floppy, or too . . . something.  This is perfect.  I like perfect.  Go perfect!

BROW PRODUCTS:

Best:  I’m a convert. Hold me closer, Anastasia.  I was, for a long time, using Urban Decay’s Brow Box as my go-to brow product.  Two powders, a light and a dark, that you could mix to get your perfect look along with wax, two brushes, and a pair of mini-Tweezers.  There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with this setup and the products themselves are great.  However, Urban Decay underestimates the extent of my laziness.  Opening lids and mixing products and the wax and the steps and the . . . WAIT.  I CAN USE A BROW PENCIL AND A MASCARA-LIKE PRODUCT ON MY BROWS AND BE DONE IN A MINUTE FLAT?  I’M THERE.  Hi, Anastasia Brow Wiz and Anastasia Tinted Brow Gel.  So here’s how my brow routine goes now.  Step One: use the Tinted Brow Gel’s mascara wand to cement down brow hairs so they don’t go Einstein weird on me.  Step Two:  fill in brows with Brow Wiz.  Step Three:  pick nose, profit, or a combination therein.

Biggest Disappointment:  I’m a big fan of NYX as a drugstore brand so I thought I’d give the Eyebrow Marker a chance. Waste of money. Watery, transparent to the point you could barely see it, I would have been better rolling up that ten dollar bill and using it to snort pixie dust off a goblin’s ass.  (Opinions. I have them.)

MASCARA:

Best:  I never thought anything would beat Benefit’s They’re Real mascara, and frankly, it’s still a great mascara and the ten dollar travel size is a real buy considering you’re not supposed to keep mascara for more than six months, but I’ve found a higher calling.  Or, erm, a higher . . . mascara?  Whatever.  Too Faced’s Better Than Sex Mascara makes my eyelashes look like they’re fifty feet long and about six feet wide.  Okay, that’s exaggerating and sounds pretty freakish, but seriously.  The volume you get with this product is unbelievable.  Worth noting is that people who don’t like thicker formula mascaras WILL NOT like this.  It’s heavy and needs to be wielded with a patient hand, but man.  If you do?  True story, I’ve had people ask me if I’m wearing falsies when I’m wearing this mascara.  The effect is that dramatic.

Not For Me:  But this WAS for other people (Hi, Lauren.)  Urban Decay dropped the Perversion Mascara on us this year, and while the formula is non-clumping and smooth and very black, it’s wet.  Really wet.  When I applied it, a single blink sent a spray of black droplets raining over my cheek.  If you’re smart and apply it and hold still for a few seconds, you’ll be fine, but I’m wiggly.  Like a puppy.  Puppies won’t do well with this mascara.  People who have an anti-clumping THING will absolutely adore it, though.

Note:  A small shout-out to Clinique for their Bottom Lash Mascara here.  Ten bucks and it was worth every penny.  This is specifically designed to handle your lower lashes.  A tiny brush so it’s not unwieldy around your cheeks.  The formula is smooth and non-clumpy which keeps the lower lashes from looking spiky and too heavy.  It’s a little weird to have separate mascaras for upper and bottom lashes, I know, but a lot of mascaras have those huge, heavy barrel applicators that are so hard to use under the eye without stabbing the side of your nose.  This gets around that pretty nicely.

OTHER EYE . . . THINGIES:

Eye Thingie One:  I want to call attention to a cheapy eye product that deserves love. The NYX Jumbo Eye Pencil. Let’s say you want to do a really dramatic eye look.  SOME shadows will be dense enough to pack the drama punch, but it’s rare when you’re talking extreme color and have to consider things like powder fallout.  Cheat to get the look you want.  Put on your eye primer, then put a base layer of a cream eye product in the family of color you’re looking to achieve.  It makes the shadow stick to the eye better and provides a uniform color base.  These Jumbo Pencils are under five bucks a piece and they are PERFECT creamy bases.  They blend well, they’re pigmented.  Super handy to have for any darker shadow applications you may do.

Eye Thingie Two:  I’ve mentioned eyeshadow primer a few times so far, and I’m sticking with UD’s Eye Primer Potion.  Various formulas, not too expensive, and it really does hold shadow longer and prevent creasing.  I use the purple tube (regular) but I may switch to the anti-aging one because I’m assuming it’ll moisturize and, you know, I’m a drying husk of a woman.  I got my hands on a tube of the tinted stuff (Sin?  I think?  It’s a champagne colored primer) and while it’s a nice shimmer, it makes everything yellow.  Really yellow.  For us cool toned girls, yellow bad.  For other girls:  a gas!  My takeaway from the tinted primer experiment was a little bit of frosty primer goes a long way so use sparingly.  Or you’ll be Banana Pants Crazy Yellow.

LIPSTICK:

Best(s):  So I love lipstick.  Like, it’s my favorite part of the makeup THING because I feel like a good lipstick can make or break a face.  Sure, you’re limited to a particular spectrum of colors or people will think you just drunk walked out of a rave, but that’s okay!  There’s lots of play within the spectrum.  Experiment.  Be brave.  Most important?  Have fun with lipstick. There really is a red for everyone and you shouldn’t shy away because you don’t think you can pull it off.  With the right color?  Yeah, you absolutely can.

- Best Overall Lipsticks:  I’m probably going to go with my Urban Decay Revolution Lippies over MAC Lippies, though it’s pretty much a toss-up.  UD is slightly more moisturizing than MAC, but MAC has every color under the sun and that’s a huge draw.  Both are great color pigmentation.  Neither are cheap with UD at twenty-two dollars and MAC at sixteen, but again, how fast do you go through a tube of lipstick?  Personal color favorites from each line are probably Mrs. Mia Wallace from UD’s Pulp Fiction line:

And Heroine from Mac’s line:

- Most Appealing Color Palette:  I really don’t think you can beat KVD’s Studded Kiss Lipsticks right now for color selection.  She was SMART about her choices.  Mattes, foils, everything you could want without that whole overwhelming THING you get when looking at MAC’s enormous selection.  Strong pigmentation, and I really appreciate that the sparkle/shimmer tones aren’t clumpy.  (A lot of sparkly lipsticks tend to do this thing where they ball up at the sides of your mouth after a while.  It’s gross.  Studded doesn’t do that.)  Warm toned girls will ADORE Thin Lizzy.  Neutral loving girls will probably have a field day with Lovecraft, and us cool toned girls should be rolling in the berry love that is Wolvesmouth.  All that being said?  The prettiest shade in the line in person is Adora, hands down.  A red with a gold sheen that is just . . . it’s unreal.  Truly unreal.  No pictures can do it justice so you’ll just have to trust me on this.  I do have two small complaints with the Studdied Lippies that prevented them from being the be-all winner of my favorite lippy.  The first is that they’re dry.  You HAVE to prep and moisturize your lips or this will shrivel you.  The second is that it’s a fifty/fifty of whether or not the cap will stay on the friggin’ tube.  This isn’t so terrible if you keep it at home on a shelf, but if I have to take the lipstick for touch-ups and it rattles around in my purse?  SERIOUSLY aggravating.

- Most Fun Product One:  I have two for you here.  The first is Two Faced’s Melted Lippies.  For a long, long time I avoided any long wear lipsticks because they either got slimy (YEAH, LIKE SNAILS ON YOUR LIPS) or because they looked cakey and dry  (I got some Stila Stay All Day Liquid Lipstick and while I liked the colors, it made me look like I’d made out with The Mummy.)  Melted gets around all that.  You HAVE to use a lipliner or it will feather like a bitch on you, but it’s a creamy, pigmented formula that’s so much fun.  Moisturizing, long-wear.  It’s a great lipstick.  Applying it can be tricky because, again, feathering (and the applicator at the end of the tube is this strange sponge-like THING that can be “interesting” to learn) but the product itself is worth it in the long run.

- Most Fun Product Two:  The second fun product is absolutely OCC’s Lip Tar.  A HUGE array of colors that stretch far beyond “normal” lipstick parameters (blues, purples, blacks).  Super concentrated so the pigmentation is astounding.  Many options for finish (matte versus metallic and even some sheers).  The thing is, if you screw up putting this on, you’ll hate it for life.  The trick to Lip Tar is to use SUCH A MINUSCULE AMOUNT IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY.  Like, pencil tip amount with a lip brush, start at the center of your bottom lip, spread out.  This is almost a lip stain more than a lipstick, and if you use too much, you’ll be really sorry.  There are tutorials out there for how to use Lip Tar, and if you follow the instructions?  You’ll be hooked.  Only thing I’ll mention is you use such a tiny amount of product per application that the big Lip Tar tubes are excessive.  You’ll actually not be able to use all of it before it separates, so you’re better off buying the mini-tester sets which are much more reasonably sized and, frankly, a better deal cash wise.  Also, be prepared to both prep and gloss over the top.

- Best Drugstore Lippies:  There are a couple I really love.  The first is the Milani Color Statement Lipstick.  Great color selection, great pigment,  great price. The shade Chilled Brandy is one of my signature colors.  I also want to point out NYX’s Butter Lippies because they have saved me this winter.  Super moisturizing, these aren’t a long-wear lipstick, but if you need something soft and gentle?  They’re phenomenal.

* The observant reader has probably noticed Hillary’s lack of lip glosses.  That’s because my hair is to my ass and lipglosses are the bane of my existence.  The gloss gets in my hair, smears, and I get so rage-faced I bust through walls like the Kool-Aid man.  HOWEVER.  Some products like Lip Tar require a smear of something gloss-like over it, and I find the Buxom Full-On Lip Polish less offensive than similar products simply because it’s less sticky.  I have Dominique so it can cover any color I happen to be wearing.  Insert a long string of profanity here about GODDAMNED LIP GLOSS.

LIP PRIMER:

Best:  So this is a funny story.  I went into MAC to get the Prep and Prime for lips and they were sold out.  I really needed a lip primer for the winter so my lippies didn’t settle into the cervices of my lips–it’s pretty unattractive to have a mouth that looks like a landscape photo from the Grand Canyon.  I WOULDN’T BE DETERRED.  I made my way to Sephora and tried the Bite Beauty Primer.  Frankly, I’ve been hit or miss with Bite.  Some things like their Cashmere Lip Cream I like a lot but their lip plumper was a total waste of money.  This product is a pleasant surprise.  Slightly moisturizing, it smooths the lips, and considering I am so dry I have to exfoliate my MOUTH two to three times a week, I appreciate what it’s doing.  Once I’m out of this, I will prooooobably try the Mac Prep and Prime anyway to see if it’s MORE moisturizing, but I’m not displeased with this one.  Nice job, Bite.

Most Disappointing:  Guerlain Kisskiss Lip Lift.  Just . . . too expensive, too crumbly on the lips, and TOO PERFUMED.  Like, gross.  Seriously gross.  Do Not Want Near Nostrils.  HISS.  BACK TO THE DEVILCAVE FROM WHENCE YOU CAME, PRIMER.

LIPLINER: 

Best:  I swear you only need one lipliner, which makes buying them pretty easy.  Go forth, get thee to UD and buy Ozone.  It’s clear so it works with EVERY color, and it does the job you want it to do.  It keeps your lipstick in place, prevents feathering at the edges, and if you use the product to cover your entire lip area, it will lock your lipstick down until your dying day.  (I really hope you like that shade, man.)

“OTHER” PRODUCTS:

Surprise Love:  Fresh’s Sugar Lip Scrub has saved me this winter.  It takes off all the dead skin on my lips and it tastes like sugar so I don’t hate it with the fury of a thousand starving honey badgers.  Yes, it’s twenty-two bucks, but I’ve had it for about four months and I’m still going strong for how much is in the pot.  You don’t use a lot when you smear it onto your lips, and removal is easy.  The sugar dissolves with warm water.  It leaves my lips much happier and less scaly, and anything that returns me to my more-swine-like texture as opposed to my T-Rex-like texture is just fine in my book.

Can’t Live Without:  MAC’s Fix + is the best thing in my collection in a lot of ways.  It’s a vitamin treatment that you spray on your face before you put on your makeup.  I also use it after I put on my foundation AND if I need to wet my shadows so they’re more concentrated on my lids.  It’s moisturizing and I believe oil-free.  It leaves the skin looking and feeling better.  The bottle I bought last year is still about half full, so twenty-two bucks well spent.

Moisturizer:  I’ve got two.  The first is a drug store buy.  Cerave is the moisturizer my mother’s dermatologist recommended to her and it’s halved the dry patches on my face.  Impressive considering what I contend with skin-wise. It’s scentless and absorbs well with no greasy anything afterward.   NEAT-O. The second product is more a collection of products, and that’s Josie Maran’s Argan Oil line (best seen here.  I bought it for three friends for Christmas this year and all of them came back with rave reviews.)  The scent is light and clean, the end result is happy, glowy skin, and it’s gentle.  No breakouts or red patches afterward.  Compared to some other skin products, it’s really not all that bad, and I can speak from experience when I say the cleanser is Clarisonic friendly.

So yesterday saw the cover reveal for THE AWESOME and I am so stoked about it, you guys. Seriously. It appeals to me in every way possible.

I wanted to send a couple of links your way in case you missed it.

1)  The official cover reveal from Fangirlish.

2)  My cover artist did a SUPER interesting blog post about the process of making my book cover.

And, if you somehow missed it, THE ART!

I would like to claim that I have no bias here, but the fact is, I am TOTALLY biased. I have good reason to be. THE AWESOME is the book I wrote when I needed to laugh. It was the book that cleansed the palate after a bunch of ooky spooky stuff. I’ve got a soft spot for it. You should, too.

Here’s why.

1) It’s funny. No, really. It is. See below.  Our narrator is at paintball with her boyfriend and kicking the crap out of his friends.

“EAT PAINT, ASS MONKEYS!”

It was a glorious moment, the crowning achievement of my seventeen years of existence. There I was, sporting no paint splatters myself, yet systematically sniping each and every one of Ian’s unsuspecting teammates off of the field while screaming obscenities.

2) Janice is an awesome mom.

She shrugged, though it wasn’t an easy, fluid thing like she didn’t care. It was more like she cared too much and didn’t want to show it. “I know I’m a fuck-up. I wasn’t raised normal, and I sure in Hell didn’t know how to raise a kid, never mind on my own, so I had to wing it. It’s not a lot, but I’m trying over here.”

3) Lubov. Giant Russian women in general.

[Lubov] relaxed and went back to thumbing through her Glamour magazine. Maybe she’d pick up a new makeup tip that wasn’t ‘Roll your face on the Revlon counter and see what happens.’

4) Pet zombie, anyone?

One moment Lauren-The-Zombie was standing there smiling at us, the next she was a swooping Valkyrie of duck death, grabbing one of the unsuspecting fowl from the water and biting into its neck.

5) It’s anti-slutshaming.

“Well, then most mothers think sex is shameful, especially for a woman, and I think that’s a heaping pile of crap.”

***

THE AWESOME’s cover reveal will be on Fangirlish on 10/27/14. The book releases 5/26/15.

You can add it on Goodreads. You can preorder it through Amazon.

***

Seventeen-year-old Maggie Cunningham is tough, smart, and sassy. She’s also not like other girls her age, but then, who would be when the family business is monster hunting? Combat boots, ratty hooded sweatshirts, and hair worn short so nothing with claws can get a grip, Maggie’s concerns in life slant more toward survival than fashion or boys.

Which presents a problem when Maggie’s mother informs her that she can’t get her journeyman’s license for hunting until she loses her virginity. Something about virgin blood turning vampires into pointy rage monsters. Insides being on the outside and all that.

Maggie’s battled zombies and goblins and her fair share of house brownies, but finding herself a boy proves a much more daunting task than any monster hunt. Did you know normal girls don’t stuff their bras with holy water balloons? Nor do they carry wooden stakes in their waistbands. And they care about things like “matching” and “footwear.” Of course, they also can’t clean a gun blindfolded, shoot a crossbow, or exorcise ghosts from a house. Which means they’re lame and Maggie’s not. Because Maggie’s awesome. The Awesome, in fact.

Just ask her. She’d be more than happy to tell you.

After she finds herself a date.

I know, I know. A blog post about makeup. Some of y’all will wanna run for the hills, but I promised I’d do this for SHARON (Hi Sharon!) so I’m going to do ma thing and hope that the rest of you will simply roll your eyes and move on.

The reality is most of us live on budgets. And budgets mean we can’t spend forty bucks for every Hourglass product ever (though life would be pretty good if we had that sort of cashflow, eh?) That being said, I wanted to do a list of budget buys that will make you purdy without breaking the bank. I either own these products or have owned them in the past, so I can speak to their quality.

ONWARD!

Blush

Milani Baked Blush. $7.99 The colors! The pigment! The finish! It’s so pretty. I especially like #5 Luminoso. It’s a gorgeous, golden peach that looks fantastic on people with warmer undertones (and the shade reminds me of a slightly peachier Orgasm from Nars, which is high praise indeed.) One warning: a little bit goes a long way. BEWARE. DO NOT GO FORTH UNTO BOZO-NESS. Start light and build else you know the clown shoes.

Eye Shadow

I’ve got two for you here:

Maybelline’s Color Tattoo Eyeshadow. $6.99 These formulas are fantastic. The color stays put, barely creases (only after a hot, sweaty day did I experience any creasing at all), and I like the shade selection. It’s a liquid formula so I apply it with a synthetic brush and go. I tend to use it as a base-color a lot, too, meaning I’ll put this on my lid and then pat on a layer of powder shadow for double oomph. The Painted Purple applied unevenly, but that was the ONLY color to do so. I’ve picked up almost every color Maybelline has to offer for a reason. (Also check out their metallics. Very, very cool.)

L’Oreal’s Infallible Eyeshadow. $7.99 This reminds me of the Maybelline except it’s more powdery and there are more colors. I can’t say which I like better because they’re . . . really similar. Wear, pigmentation, etcetera. The Golden Emerald color in this line is perfection in a jar. Like, I’m fairly sure everyone could wear it and come out looking like a rocker. I’m also partial to the Liquid Diamond. Buttery and pretty and yum.

Eyeliner

NYX Retractable Eyeliner. $4.49. Awesome color selection and the pencils have a great, soft texture. The metallic shades are actually metallic and the staying power is plenty-fine for a work shift or a night out on the town.

Lip Liner

Sephora Nano Lip Liner. $5 Almost twenty colors, good wear, why bother spending three or four times as much for a basic function? Some pencils will be softer, but I don’t actually want my lip liner to be all that soft. It’s got to stay like glue so my lipstick stays like glue, especially since I use my lip liner as a “foundation” for my lip color. Can’t beat the price, quality, or selection.

Lipstick

Milani Color Statement Lipstick. $5.49 Recommended by Vintage or Tacky, I own probably . . . six shades? And at this price point, why not? Lots of pigment and staying power. Not too drying (though I wear it over chap stick), great color/finish selection, and I like the smell. It’s not too stinky (good GOD, L’Oreal lipsticks you make me ill) though there is a scent. It’s light, though, and more like candy than perfume, so I can deal with it. Because candy is delicious.

Mascara

Max Factor. $10-ish This is a little hard to find, and I know it, however. I’ve loved Max Factor mascara for as long as I can remember and had particular luck with the 2000 Calorie formula. I know you can get Max Factor on ebay and Amazon. It’s worth ordering it because it doesn’t clump but does a fabulous job of giving volume and length. I hate having to pick those little wads of makeup out of my lashes and I never had to do it with MF.

(ONE THING. If ten bucks is an okay price point for you? Just go out and get yourself the mini They’re Real at an Ulta or Sephora. Super amazing product with super amazing results and the same cost. Sure, less actual product, but how much mascara do you actually use? Eh? Eh?)

Moisturizer

Cerave. $14.99 I’ve tried every type of moisturizer imaginable and this is the best. Not just on a budget, but like, THE BEST PERIOD. Recommended by my mama after her dermatologist told her to use it, I will probably never spend big bucks on moisturizer again. Cerave absorbs completely. It’s virtually scentless. It’s not oily. It gets rid of my scaly dry patches. Yes. All of this is a yes. Woo ha, Cerave.

Setting Powder

NYX Studio Finishing Powder in Translucent. $9.99 It’s a finely milled silicon powder. Seriously, what else do you need? Simple, to the point, does its job. I watched a Goss video about it, and yeah, it’s the bomb. Soft, makes you not-shiny, sets your foundation. Easy-peasy, done. If you’re looking for something that’s not silica based? Coty setting powder. It’s been around forever. It’s $7. Another great product at a great price.

And then . . .

Foundation

Stop. Stop right here. I’m going to say the unpopular thing. If you have ONE THING in your collection you should drop cash on? It’s foundation. Well-matched foundation from a makeup counter or makeup specialty store. Our skin is our palette and your makeup is only going to be as good as your palette. Revlon’s foundations are okay, but I’d rather have an excellent than an okay. If you’re going to go spendy, spend here. I’ve linked a couple of foundations below that are worth their weight:

Estee Lauder Double Wear Stay-in-Place Foundation: $37

MAC’S Face and Body Foundation: $27

Make Up For Ever’s HD Invisible Cover Foundation: $42

Shiseido UV Protective Liquid Foundation: $36

Urban Decay’s Naked Foundation: $39 (Cruelty free!)

Questions, concerns, throw ‘em at me!