Debbie Wilson's Blog

The last several months have been the hardest of my life. I've known loss before but never so much in a 14 month period. It may seem strange but it started with my 13 year old Yorkie, Merlin. He was my heart and when I had to lose him, it ripped my heart out. Then came a break-up and surgery on my ankle that required 4 months in a cast. My father's health was declining during time. Living next door to my parents since 1995 was such a blessing. But it made losing them that much harder. My mother had a stroke in 2003. We cared for her in their home until 2007 when my Dad's health started to dramatically decline, we had to move her to a nursing home. It was about a year before she adjusted enough to call it home and to love her care/lover givers. We were so blessed to have her in a wonderful nursing home. The employees and residents became a part of our family. My father continued to visit her daily until 2010 when he had to stop driving due to his health. His world crumbled when he lost his independence. The only thing that kept him going was my mother and taking care of his little dog, Wilber. Dogs are such healers and givers. My forced seperation from my father occurred during my time of not driving, ironically, experiencing the loss of independence that he so lamented. During this time I lost the mother of a friend of mine..she had been like a mother-in-law to me for 25 years. Then my father died on November 28th. The pain can't be easily described. It hurt to the core and still does 6 months later. Having to tell my mother that the love of her life for over 62 years was gone, was so very difficult. God gave me the strength and words to say. Not that anything could mute the pain. At least we had work to throw ourselves into and mobility. Mom was paralzyed on her right side since her first stroke in 2003. The caregivers helped her so very much. Then our sweet nurse, Nancy, died only two months after my father. She was only 44 years old and it was a complete shock. My mother was so strong for us. She attended Dad's funeral and wanted to be a part of the decisions for his final arrangements. She got to see his headstone in the cemetery around the time of her 77th birthday. She was doing well physically despite the dire predictions that she would go soon after my father. She also wanted to see her home remodeled for my oldest brother and she got that final wish on Easter. We had such a great family gathering at my home. We had all been together with my father at Thanksgiving - the last time I would see him and then with my mother at Easter. She became ill on the Wednesday after Easter, was placed in ICU on Friday the 13th and died on April 17th while I held her hand and brushed her hair. Somehow God gave me strength to say goodbye and to let her know we would be ok. That if she needed to be with God and my father and brother, then we would be ok. She slipped away in a peaceful sigh. It was beautiful in a way - to be with the one who gave you birth at the time when her life was ending. Recently, we lost a 59 year old friend and several older relatives.

On this Memorial Day I feel blessed to have so many wonderful friends and family and live in a country where we can enjoy them to the fullest. My family and friends are seeing me through these difficult times and showing me that life is enjoyable, even during the rough times. Reading is a part of this and is why I'm reading a comedy book to help the laughter come back into my life.

As Thanksgiving 2011 approaches, I am reminded me of a Thanksgiving 20 years ago when my family was still complete. Before AIDS took away my dear, sweet brother, Christopher. I'm looking at a photo of my brother, his partner, my cousin Greta and myself. We are sitting at Christopher's dining room table at his home near downtown Los Angeles, CA. The soon to be eaten turkey was in front of us and one of Christopher's paintings behind us. We are smiling and happy. The shadow of AIDS was with us lurking in our fears, but it wasn't yet the monster it would soon become. Back home in Alabama, our family was celebrating the holiday in the traditional way but missing their California family members. Excitement was brewing as we were all looking forward to having the 1991 Christmas together.
As World AIDS Day 2011 is coming up, I'm reminded again why I went through the painful process of putting my brother's journals, and those of our mother, into "Brushing Away the Tears". It is part of the forever healing process.
I'm so glad I have that Thanksgiving to be thankful for and that my sweet big brother was in my life. I'm thankful that my other two siblings, Tommy and Glenn and their families live close to me now. As I've seen so many of my friends lose their parents, I'm fortunate that we still have ours. 61 years of marriage, numerous grandchildren and children and so much love - I am blessed.