Jamie-Jo Brenner's Blog

It saddens me to see so much hate in the world. To see the indifference of so many people. I am tired of it all, so very tired. But I refuse to lose my faith in God and in humanity. As someone who is gay, my biggest fear used to be how my family or friends would react to who I am. In Michigan, people can still be fired, or not hired at all because of who they love or by their gender identity. And I thought that was the was bad enough. But being downright hated by strangers so much that they want you dead, that actually and surprisingly hadn’t crossed my mind until now.
Being a Christian American soldier, I know that some of the world hates me and wants me dead. ISIS is a real threat to me and all my brother and sisters in arms, and to many across the world who are seen as “expendable” or “evil” or whatever it is that they hate us for.
Yet, people seem to somehow be more upset about gorillas or lions that are killed. And don’t get me wrong, I love animals. I don’t enjoy zoos or circuses because I feel that animals should not be caged and we should protect our environment so that they can actually live in their natural habitat. But the idea that people are more upset about the unethical treatment of animals that the humans that are being trafficked, or the children that are being abused or women that are being raped absolutely baffles me.
The fact that a rapist gets less that six months of jail-time because it would be detrimental to his well-being appalls and sickens me. Rape culture has made it the victim’s fault. What was she wearing? How was she acting? Did she really mean ‘no’? College athletes getting away with it because of their prestige. Hollywood covering up the child sexual assaults, churches covering it up. All of this tell us that we care more about the bottom line than the innocent people whose lives will never be the same.
I actually wrote a book about a boy who gave up his soul to get rid of the memories of his own past abuse. He was willing to lose his soul, because he didn’t think he had one to lose. Because being a survivor of any kind of abuse, or trauma, or rape, or violence….it takes so many things from you. It takes your innocence, it takes your self-worth, it takes pretty much anything you had to give and you are left broken. When someone belittles that by victim shaming or by not believing your truth...then even things you didn’t know you had left give are also taken from you. I know, because I lived it.
Coming out was hard for me because either people would hate me for who I was, or if they ever found out about my past abuse then they would think that was the reason for why I was the way I was. They are not related in any way, for the record. Nor are they the same. One identity you are born into, the other was taken from you.
Mostly, I’m tired of politicians who say they want to make America great again, because politics are what is wrong with America to begin with. Labels. Democrat or Republican. Christian, Muslim, Jew, or Atheist. Gay or Straight. Transgendered or cis-gendered. Black. White. Hispanic. Asian. Rich or poor. Male or Female. When the only label that should ever matter is Human. Why should we wait to let a politician try to make us great again? This is our country, why don’t WE make it great again?
Instead, we hide behind politics or facebook arguments or turn the other way because what we are looking at or hearing about is too sad or too tragic or too something. Instead of complaining about things, and doing nothing...why don’t we stand up and say enough? The world is getting worse, not better. I watched as a tv show inspired a twitter movement that led to over $100,000 being donated to the Trevor Project because WE DESERVE BETTER. The LGBT+ community banded together and tried to make the world a better place for those who think it’s time to give up on it all together. We demanded representation on our tv screens and in movies. Everyone deserves to have role models to look up to, even if it’s only fictional characters. It is important to all people to see themselves reflected on the screen.
My cousin and I created a project, You Are Enough, to help empower people to love themselves and others. There are wonderful organizations out there that actually save or improve people’s lives. Crisis Text Line, Love is Louder, To Write Love on Her Arms, The Trevor Project. There are seminars you can attend in your own community to learn about Human Trafficking, to learn the signs and how you can help stop it. There are documentaries and movements and individual people changing lives. There is so much good in the world that gives me hope in humanity, that gives me faith in people.
Am I still terrified to be myself sometimes? Absolutely. Am I still going to Pride next week? Absolutely. Do I hate those who hate me? Not at all. Do I pray for them? Everyday.
Maybe you’re lucky enough to not have had a cousin die by suicide. Or an Aunt suffer with Bipolar and a debilitating case of Multiple Sclerosis. Maybe you never had to a friend die at the age of 17 from a drug overdose after battling addiction for years. Or never had to hear an uncle tell you that he’d pray for your soul because of who you are and what you chose to be. I hope you never had someone in your life live through rape or sexual abuse. But the statistics for each of these means that even if you haven’t yet, you still may someday. Sadly. If you never had to live through same, self-hatred and the thought that perhaps the world is a better place without you then you are blessed.
The truth is, All of these things are true for me and I would never wish them on anyone else. I wouldn’t want you to know what if felt like to be left with questions about why they died or what you could have done to save them. I wouldn’t want you to have to watch someone you love battle mental illness and have no idea how to help them. I never want you to have more friends that have survived sexual abuse/assault than you have that have not suffered through it. I wouldn’t want you to have to lose someone to alcohol or drugs or any kind of addiction. I wouldn’t want you to have to worry about being hated because you are alive. Because you are just trying to be you.
But just because none of these may impact you, that should never mean that you don’t have to care when they happen to someone else. Because when something finally does affect you, maybe no one will be around to help you because they’ve all been rounded up, shot at a concert, or died by suicide already. I have always thought that one person can make a difference. And if each of us is that one person trying to make a difference, then think how much safer and more accepting our world could be. I think that one death by suicide is one too many. I think one more act of violence or unnecessary act of hatred will only continue to fuel the apathy of our world. The us against them mentality.
Let us stop debating about where people should be able to go the bathroom, because in reality, you’ve been in the same bathroom with transgendered people before and you were never attacked or at risk. So what really has changed? Instead, get up in arms about what really matters. And that is life. No one should live in fear. No one should hide in shame or self-hatred. No one should have to be embraced by hatred when all they want to do is love. And no one should be gunned down at a concert for absolutely no reason. ALL life matters. ALL people deserve better. And ALL human beings are good enough and shouldn’t ever let anyone make them question their self-worth.
I’m only writing this because I am heart-broken, and basically just plain broken. I don’t know the answers. I have no idea what to do other than just love and hope that I can be loved in return.
I am tired and I am scared, but I have lost so much in my life that I am not ready to let anyone else take anything else from me.
I will pray for Orlando. I will pray for America. I will pray for the world. But I also continue to pray that despite all that can be taken from me or that has already been taken, when I will never lose is my faith. My faith in God. And my faith in all of you. Go and do what you can. All I ask is that you just don’t do nothing. Because doing nothing is the only way that evil will continue to win.

I've never really blogged before, but I thought I'd give it a try. This blog is going to be about my book, Soul Searching, as well as my life while I'm searching.
Today, I'm on my way to New York City. I haven't been there in 13 years, so I'm looking forward to it! I plan on meeting up with old friends, hope to make new ones and I have a ferry ride scheduled to Liberty and Ellis Islands. I'll update you all as I spend the next 5 days hanging out, and doing things I've always wanted to do! See you then...

I'm heading to NYC tomorrow! I haven't been there in 13 years and am looking forward to catching up with old friends, making new ones and doing my first book signing event. Just trying to get it out there, but also making time to see the sights!

Look for my book on Amazon!