Amaka Lily's Blog

Shifting Allegiances is a finalist for the 2015 QBR Wheatley Book Award for First Fiction. QBR produces the Harlem Book Fair, the largest African American bookfair in the nation.

See more here:
http://www.qbr.com/Userfiles/Newslett...

Shifting Allegiances is a finalist for the 2015 QBR Wheatley Book Award for First Fiction. QBR produces the Harlem Book Fair, the largest African American bookfair in the nation.

See more here:
http://www.qbr.com/Userfiles/Newslett...

Years ago, I was talking to a recently made acquaintance about the ways immigrants adapt to a new country. That acquaintance, who was also foreign, volunteered four ways in which this occurred. I thought his classifications were excellent, but I also know that immigrant adaptation doesn’t always fit neatly into a box, and that furthermore, an immigrant can move from one stage to the other both deliberately and unconsciously. In my book, Shifting Allegiances, you’d see that this is the case.

But his classifications help shed light on the ways immigrants adapt and I am sharing that here, with my own examples:

• Immigrants who embrace the new culture completely- These are immigrants who are so happy to be in their new country, that they adopt everything the new country has to offer. They adopt the culture, way of speaking, way of eating, dressing etc. You can see this with immigrants who start speaking with the new foreign accent and start dressing in the new way. Their friends are natives of the new land. Some even turn their backs entirely on their previous culture and don’t want to be associated with it. As far as they are concerned, this new culture is IT.

• Immigrants who reject the new culture- These immigrants never integrate and keep themselves separate. They fiercely maintain their previous culture and only hang out with people from their homeland. They go to the same religious institutions they went to back home. They eat only the foods they are used to and do business only with their people. These people trust what they know, don’t deviate and are happier that way. Even though they are in a new land, they are not of the new land. An example would be an extreme version of an ethnic enclave.

• Immigrants who reject the new culture, but also don’t fit into their previous culture- These people inhabit some sort of alternate space, a no man’s land where they are not happy in their new country, but also not happy in their old country. These people never quite fit in with the new culture, but they change sufficiently enough not to fit into their old cultures. They are not foreign, but they aren’t natives either.

• Immigrants who integrate completely and can still go back home- These immigrants are comfortable in the new culture and can get along with everyone else easily. But they could also return home and adapt easily as well. They kept their previous connections alive and travel back frequently.

So what is the ideal state? Certainly it’s better (it’s always better), if a person can be happy where they live. But there are so many factors which can influence how an immigrant adapts. Availability of financial resources, a rich support system, the degree of closeness between the old and new culture, the experiences one has in one’s homeland and the experiences one has in the new homeland.

So how can a would-be immigrant predict how he or she would adapt? You can’t know that prematurely. Until you experience the new culture for yourself, you wouldn’t know how you’d adapt. Plus life is this thing that changes constantly. You just can't predict.

This is the final part of this installment. If you missed the first part, go here. https://www.goodreads.com/author_blog...

Winter and Vaseline- What words can express the bitter cold of winter? How do I explain to people what winter feels like for the first time? Cold that seems to penetrate your bones in spite of how many layers you wear. Cold that makes you want to stay indoors FOREVER. Cold that makes you throw away all thoughts of fashion and walk around like the Michelin Man. The only thing that warmed my skin in the winter was good old Vaseline. I made sure I was always stocked. Now, I don’t use Vaseline anymore.

Telemarketers- When I first arrived, I thought that when telemarketers called, you had to listen to them and answer all their questions until they were ready to go. Ha, that didn’t last long.

Treatment of people with disabilities- It was amazing to see that businesses and workplaces were modified to accommodate people with disabilities and that in fact, IT WAS THE LAW. They were treated as people first and not handicapped people. Their disabilities didn’t define who they were and they didn’t need your pity.

Beautiful homes with no gates- Coming from a society where houses had security guards, gates and windows barred to prevent thieves, seeing all the beautiful, expensive homes with no gates was an eye opener. America did not have thieves!

Male Hairdressers- I was familiar with men working in barbershops. I was not familiar with men working in women’s hair salons, washing and blow drying hair and shaping eyebrows. It was not something I knew to be a manly role but my thoughts have changed since then.

Cougars- It was not common to see cougars in Nigeria. 99.99% of men married younger, in some cases, significantly younger women. Women married men they could look up to and/or respect, men that could provide for them or impress them. I was surprised to see women who deliberately dated younger men.

Holidays and Vacation time- America had fewer observed holidays than Nigeria. We observed both Christian and Muslim holidays and if the holiday fell on a Friday, you also got the Monday off. In addition, vacation time was very generous; some people even got a couple of months off. In America, you usually started with 2 weeks of vacation time a year.

Openness of Americans- Americans were very open. If you asked them their age, they told you without hesitation. They told you if they were dating someone, getting a divorce, their medical problems and if their kids were misbehaving. Nothing was out of bounds. Ask a Nigerian parent to tell you their age and you would get slapped.

Going dutch on a date- The concept of dutch did not exist when I was growing up. It was the guy’s responsibility to pay for a date and it was accepted. Guys looked to provide for a woman, not the other way around.

And ofcourse the way Americans spoke.- I did not realize until I came to America, that American English differed in some ways from British English. I remember hearing words or phrases which made my ear sting and made me want to shout, “THAT IS NOT GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT!!!”. Statements like “Some idiot” or “Get your ass beat”, "He cute", made me want to scream!!!!. However, I have accepted it all. In case you are interested, the correct statements are "An idiot or The idiot", "Get your ass beaten" and "He is cute".

In summation, coming from a society with a conservative background and living in a society that was more liberal was a huge culture shock. It inspired a lot of what I wrote about in Shifting Allegiances.

To purchase my book, go here:http://www.amazon.com/Shifting-Allegi...

One of the surprising things I found shortly after I arrived in America was that there was tension between Africans and African Americans. Now, let me emphasize, it is not every African American that has a problem with an African person or vice versa, but conflict persists within these 2 groups to such an extent that when you type in “Africans versus African Americans” in Google, you will get millions of hits!

Check out more here: http://www.chicamod.com/tensions-ster...

The last emotion many immigrants expect to feel when they relocate “abroad” is depression. In many ways, it is understandable. For starters, no one talks about this. Those who have gone abroad consistently return with riches, better clothes and better cars. They talk about how much better their lives have become and never discuss their struggles. To those who remained behind, the returnees appear to have benefitted positively from the move. They look better and speak differently; everyone wants to be them. Everyone wants to be associated with them.

See more: http://www.chicamod.com/the-truth-on-...

Amaka Lily is a Nigerian- American. Born in America and raised in Nigeria, she has lived in Warri, Lagos and Onitsha. She has a Bachelor’s degree in Business and a Masters in Business Administration. She is very fascinated by different cultures and loves meeting people from different heritages.

In her spare time, she reads, travels and hangs out with friends.

Shifting Allegiances is her first book

See more: http://pebbleinthestillwaters.blogspo...

While writing Shifting Allegiances, there were so many aspects of culture shock I jotted down, with the goal of interweaving all of them into my novel. However, as with any book writing project, you have to take some and leave some. From talking to other African friends, who’ve read my book, I’ve found that they experienced similar culture shock moments.

To continue with that trend, here are some things that surprised me when I came to America. Feel free to add yours in the comment section.

Self flushing toilets - Can you imagine what it feels like to use the toilet, get up and hear the toilet flush behind you? I remember being scared. What the hell was happening? It took seconds to realize that the toilet had flushed itself.

Americans hanging up the phone very fast - In Nigeria, when you are ready to bid adieu to someone over the phone, you don’t hang up the phone immediately that’s done. You let at least 5 to 10 seconds pass after saying good-bye, before you hang up. In America, I was surprised that people hung up the phone, immediately you said good-bye. It was shocking. At first, I thought they were being very rude. Now I know that’s not the case.

Extremely cold movie theatres - American movie theatres are very generous with their air conditioning. I still remember the first time I saw a movie in the theatre. It was so cold, I spent a lot of time hugging myself and less time focused on the movie. Since that time, I’ve never gone to the theater without a jacket.

Holding hands with the same sex - in Nigeria, I held hands all the time with my relatives and friends. It didn’t take long to realize that in the U.S, if you hold hands with the same sex, people would think you’re gay.

Boarding school - I attended a boarding school in Nigeria. When you tell Americans you went to boarding school they assume you are rich. To get a sense of my boarding school experience, read Nana Ekua Brew-Hammond’s terrific book, Powder necklace.

Assertiveness of Americans - I grew up in a society where there was a dictatorship, where respect for age, title and authority is huge. If you were having difficulties getting adequate customer service, you did not ask to speak to a person’s manager. It just wasn’t done. Not the case with Americans. They asked to speak with managers. Young people called older people by name. a young worker could aim to get his boss’s job, if so inclined. It still never ceases to amaze me.

PDA - Oh boy. This just wasn’t done where I grew up. I remember one church I attended, a man in front of me was rubbing his wife’s back very tenderly. Very, very tenderly. I was grossed out. What the hell where they doing in a church? Now, I don’t give a darn. I look away.

Sexual Stereotypes of black people - This deserves its own topic, and I may write that one of these days. Anyway, it was surprising to me to hear about all the sexual stereotypes people have of black people such as black men being well endowed and black women being sexual tigresses. Actually, I will leave this for its own topic. There’s a lot to be said.

I also had to change some of my language.

For instance, instead of saying I want to Tong my hair, I now said I wanted to Curl my hair.

Instead of taking a Siesta, I now took Naps.

Instead of buying Meatpies, I now bought Beef patties.

More to come

Today, I was able to get my book into my hometown library. Yes, it's just one library out of hundreds of thousands, but I'm very grateful. Any little publicity counts. Now, to get the courage to actually do book readings :-).