Tiffany A. Robbins's Blog

My brain is craving emotions that this relationship can’t sustain, and I want desperately to have a conversation between equals about it. I crave the conversation about how to crush my feelings as much as I crave to feel your affections surround me. But both are off limits and I am just left craving with no satisfaction to be had.

So instead, Happy New Year to all you out there with no outlets. Someone else on this rock feels you. Let the alcohol flow and Auld Lang Synes flow.

I’ve seen a man crying; he was broken – not weak. He was no coward and had no flaws in actions oblique. He walked the steps of his downfall with head held high, and the pride of knowing he was a good man while choosing to die.

The tears streamed down as he fought so hard for a resolute decision that would leave his little girl scarred.

His best friend pleaded, “It’s okay for you to go. Just do it for life. That’s all I need to know.”

“I can’t,” he whispered with mournful steadfastness, “There’s no way to go without entering that big, dark vastness. I’m tired and wore out. The pain is so hard. My family is over. Their future is the only thing I have left that I must safeguard. I have one way to see them through this world, but I can’t see them again. I can feel the truth run through me, I’ll die of this chest pain. I’ll do it the right way. No gore in sight. I’ll find a good spot; the moon is powerful tonight. Just like a dog, it’ll be merciful. No suffering. Then the family can heal. You’ll be their comforting.”

“I understand,” I said with matching tears forced by torn heartstrings. The beautiful man would go. He’d ride one last time on his Harley wings. I’d hold those who love him through their pain. He trusted me to do that despite the strain.

My last act of friendship was to let that friendship die. His last act was more tender as he embraced me goodbye. I loved that man every moment he let me and will continue to do so, though his soul be set free.

When I was baptized as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, I was a fifteen-year-old child. I made emotional decisions based on hormones and trying to find my place in the world. At the time, I thought I was making a sound decision. As sound of a decision as a fifteen-year-old is capable of making.

As I grew, I had feelings of doubt and wonder, but I knew I had dedicated myself to a set of ideas and values and I did everything in my power to live up to that dedication and make it truly my own.

However, as I lived my life, I came to the conclusion that the life of dedication I’d promised was not the life that would make and keep me happy. I no longer agreed with the teachings and practices found inside the Kingdom Hall, and in good conscience I needed to leave the organization.

It was never my intention to leave you, my family. My allegiance to the Watchtower Society and its governing body may be gone, but my love for you is eternal.

Having my family turn their backs on me simply because I no longer agree with their religious beliefs breaks my heart more than I can convey to you, but I will not allow myself to be emotionally coerced by returning to that religion. Know that I struggle daily with grief because you are constantly in my heart and I miss you. I dream that one day you will understand the harsh cruelty on removing yourself from my life, and that you will allow us to repair our family bonds. I will be waiting with open arms and open heart for the day you can allow me back into your life.

– With All My Love –

Tiffany A. Robbins

WatchtowerVictimsMemorialDay.com

human beings daily evoke aggressions

we escape nature with pain or consequence

the give-and-take of life dishes out pleasure in conquest

everything at high speed bamboozles man

Knock, sir?

know villain, knock

villain, knock knock knock, ring

knock villain

what’s the matter?

Go GO I say.

the treacherous years collect each lifetime

though time is scarcely remarkable

a man, old, wrinkled, faded, withered

and

a maiden bedazzled with the sun

perceive joy and age in wonder not qualified as may seem

a monstrous female brings out the best

an extraordinary woman displaces the whole story

“taming” a woman, is in reality a show to the audience

she was naturally a type of woman widely known in song and story

the proud-minded feed their fury with fire

God save you

God lend me life

I pray?

careless