S.P. Muir's Blog

Mr Piper was a great teacher – at least he was by the standards back then. Now, almost fifty years later, he’d probably be thrown out of his job for being a bullying monster. But I thought he was all right; extremely strict, but scrupulously fair with it; and the English lessons he taught are seared into my memory as if with a branding iron. Why? Because you dared not let your attention wander and if you made a stupid error, you’d be hauled out to the front of the class and forced, red faced, to demonstrate your stupidity on the blackboard. This would then be topped off with the punishment of the dreaded two hundred lines. Yes, the poor boy or girl would feel humiliated – unforgivable in today’s teaching environment – but they would never, and I mean never, forget that particular lesson. And nor would anyone else come to that; for there but for the grace of God, went they.

Even all these years later, I cringe when I hear supposedly highly educated people make some of those same silly mistakes. I once heard Prime Minister David Cameron stand up in parliament and speak about ‘a exercise’. What?! A exercise? A exercise? Mr Piper would have descended on him like a ton of bricks. I can remember one poor lad making the mistake of saying pro-noun-ciation rather than pro-nun-ciation. Cue the red faced trip to the blackboard followed by the compulsory two hundred line of, “I must pronounce pronunciation properly.”

However, the mistake that sticks in my mind most acutely is one that’s become so commonplace today, it’s almost accepted as the correct option. I can recall it as clearly as if it happened this very morning. This time, the poor unfortunate miscreant was a lad who, at a full twelve years of age and being in the ‘top stream’ should have known better. His crime? He dared to utter that terrible and taboo word, ‘haitch’. How well I remember Mr Piper’s rage; how vividly I recall the boy’s embarrassment as he had to spell it correctly on the blackboard. I clearly remember the words of his lines as well. “There is no H in aitch.” And the fact that he had to write it no less than five hundred times has branded it into my psyche all the clearer. Yes, this is indeed a most heinous crime that makes my blood pressure rise to boiling point every time I hear it – which is now frighteningly often. Frightening because of the danger to my health!

Not many people know the etymology of this particular faux pas. In fact it dates back to the nineteenth century when growing social mobility allowed some of London’s east-ender’s to climb the socio-economic ladder. Ashamed of their propensity to drop their aitches, they overcompensated and added them at any and every opportunity. Think Lady Penelope’s chauffeur, Parker, on the puppet version of Thunderbirds and you’ve got the idea.

But what about the hypocrisy, I hear you ask. Well, I’m afraid the hypocrisy is mine. I frequently rail against highly educated university graduates making mistakes such as saying, “I bought this along to show you,” instead of, “I brought this…” I’ve even heard a well-known TV presenter say “pacific” instead of “specific”! Aagh!! But then I hear recordings of myself speaking. In my head it sounds perfect with well-chosen words all flawlessly enunciated. In reality though, my thick estuary accent makes my dropped aitches all the more noticeable. Mr Piper would be outraged by my ‘ypocrisy.

Mr Piper was a great teacher ��� at least he was by the standards back then. Now, almost sixty years later, he���d probably be thrown out of his job for being a bullying monster. But I thought he was all right; extremely str...

The results are in and the conclusion is... I'm wrong. Oh well, it had to happen eventually.
"So what are you going to do about it?" I hear you all ask. The answer is: I've already done it. Yep, mister motivated, that's...

As proud as I am of 'The Talisman of Wrath' and its sequel, 'A War of Destiny' there is a glaring omission in the saga: a map. There is a good(?) reason for this, although I have to concede that I may have been wrong in...

As proud as I am of 'The Talisman of Wrath' and its sequel, 'A War of Destiny' there is a glaring omission in the saga: a map. There is a good(?) reason for this, although I have to concede that I may have been wrong in my decision not to include one.

"But S P, why on Earth would you omit something that seems de rigeuer in all fantasy novels?" I hear you ask.
I shall tell you. When I read a fantasy novel, I tend to give the cartography no more than an initial cursory glance before I plunge into the text. Occasionally, if the narrative confuses me a little, I'll have another quick look just to get my bearings. Sometimes, however, there is so much detail in the map that I struggle to work it out. By the time I've got it straight in my head I've gone off the boil with the story itself.

Now part from shouting, "you map-blind numpty!" at me through your screen, I wonder, dear reader, if you could let me know if you think that I'm wrong. Should I update 'The Talisman of Wrath' and include one? I realise, of course, that this would disadvantage those who have already bought or borrowed the books, but to this conundrum I have a solution:

I have actually prepared a map which, if there is enough demand, I will include in a new edition; but for those who own or have read the old one, if they request a copy of said map, I shall send them one as a PDF by return of email.
Even if I don't update the books I will be delighted to send any reader of the saga a copy of the map.

Just drop me a line at stephenpmuir@spmuir.com

By the way, I know I said that I'd do separate blogs for Goodreads and my website but for obvious reasons I'm going to cheat on this one; for which I clearly feel a large pang of guilt -- as if!

Until next time then, dear reader,
SP